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1) Retarded money saving ideas from corporate. "Let's have everyone per floor use ONE communal printer! It will save money! We reached a deal with xerox!" Except: Personal printers are already bought. Patient records can't be sent to a communal printer because of serious privacy issues. Everyone has different printing needs. Because of this, they asked people if they wanted to opt out. Everyone did. So long, millions of dollars! 2) Aspie coworkers with "systems." These people want things done a specific way. Their jobs tend to involve very little thought. They've been here for years and they're going to die at their current job title. If any changes to their way of doing things is metioned, these people will freak the gently caress out. The conversations turn into trivial arguments, and usually end with "YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY FATHER!" or some other childhood trauma being vented. Here's an example:  Your script is taking too long! It bogs up the system! Let's see ... you have a million files in a single directory that has been piling up over five years. The system can't handle that efficiently. Either archive or delete them. A week passes. Your script is taking too long! It bogs up the system! Can't you put those files somewhere else? Any operation on that directory is going to take forever and a day. Delete or archive those files. I can't! What if someone wants them? If that's the case you're already pulling records from archive. These are intermediate files that can be regenerated when we need them. Can't you make the script run faster? You mean rewrite red hat so a copy command runs faster? Seriously, that's all I'm doing. This drive isn't meant for long term storage. A week passes. Your script is taking too long! It bogs up the system! Can't you put those files somewhere else? WTF?!?!I talk with his supervisor. More drama happens between the two of them because deleting files no one has asked for in five years is an issue. The ONLY reason you'd need them again is for a re-score, which in that case the files get regenerated automatically. Storing them makes no loving sense at all, but OMG what if someone ASKS for one? No, someone's personal space was pissed on. These are the people that will shoot up the work place one day.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:15
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The story of a scheduling program: LAB wanted a custom scheduling program, so we make an Access form for them. It's called SCHED And it was good. But then MS changed poo poo with several Access releases, and it broke half the time and corrupted the database. And more features are wanted. So they decide they want a web based version. Cool. But not by us. What? Because of a merger, they now have another IT department to develop it. Higher ups want LAB to use this other department,who currently knows dick about LAB. We, however, have been in bed with them for 30 years. Our first programs were on punch cards. We are so in bed it took me a year to realize we weren't the same department. So Dofus, the other department's programmer, wants a working version of the old SCHED. It requires personal tweaking to install, so I offer to head over and set it up for him. I ask where he wants me to put the source code. He doesn't it want it. Huh? No, doesn't want the code. Just the executable. And Dofus isn't around when I show up to set it up for him. He had a gout attack and skipped work. The next day I ask him "So, how's it running?" He says "Fine." Which is a lie, because unless he's a clone of me there's no way he could set this up on his own. A year passes. LAB asks us to help support Dofus, because it seems to be taking forever. Well, Dofus says he's finished, and gives us a bunch of html pages to put on our server. Yes, we maintain the server it'll run on. What we get is a horrible thing of broken links that looks NOTHING like SCHED. It's like instead of your date answering the door, a dog comes out. And craps itself. Dofus is surprised we can't get it to work, and asks us what the errors are. Well: 1) Links need to not be broken. As in ALL OF THEM. 2) Scripts needs to actually work, not halt because of errors. 3) Page needs to be a table driven system to schedule multiple studies based on subject ID, protocol, and timepoint, and move that over to an existing database. It currently asks for name, SSN, and a time. The first two we don't even WANT. So we spend a few months trying to get them to not suck at life. Dofus seems completely oblivious to the needs of LAB. He took an existing page, broke it, and gave it to them. I did find it odd Dofus never wanted the source code. Rosetta stone? gently caress that, we can figure out these funny symbols on our own. Emails go back and forth, half get ignored. My boss loses his poo poo, the other boss, whom I'll call COCK, gets pissed. No progress is made. We finally have a huge meeting to discuss this. So we meet everyone. Me and my Boss, COCK, Dufus, and LAB all attend. Dofus is a fat black guy, and COCK is a fat white guy. My first thought is "Ok, maybe there's some affirmative action bullshit forcing them to keep a bad employee?" It's a straw I'm grasping at to try to make sense of their utter incompetence. First thing out of COCK's mouth is a personal gripe at my boss over an email he sent. Someone's feelings are priority one for him. My bos sapologizes, tries to brush it aside, then asks if we can get down to business. COCK assures everyone that Dofus is the greatest programmer that ever lived. Other great quotes from COCK: "Have we got paid yet?" Yes, more than you should have. For nothing useful. "Is there a design request?" No, maybe you should have looked into that two years ago. "If you guys know what you want and how to do it, why do you need us?" My thoughts exactly. He stated this at least four times during this meeting. He also grabbed his face, made heavy breathing sounds and rubbed his cheeks several times, like Michael Moore being forced to listen to Glenn Beck while being tied to a chair with a gun to his head. It all becomes clear. COCK is a mad man. Dofus only knows how to duck his blows. Everyone else left or ended up in his refrigerator. Dofus may have well just been the janitor, was thrown in front of a computer, and screamed at until he just started hitting keys. Even after all this and a talk with the higher ups, they STILL get to continue on with the project. Boss says "Someone is being protected." This can't go on like this. We can't be held responsible for maintaining a page that will never work. We need to ... get dirt. So we look for ammo, something that violates policy. I find it. The page is so vulnerable to SQL injection attacks that you can destroy the database from the login page. Yup. A few months later, we're given the project. For three months I hammer out the page. It's my best work yet. LAB is impressed. it rolls out and all is well. Then the bill comes. LAB asks "That really took you THREE MONTHS OF WORK?!?" I suppress years of pent up rage and smile and say "Yes." LAB says "Well, it IS a really nice site." Yeah, sorry that it was delivered in one eighth the time the last one took. And actually worked. And for a time we were happy. COCK gets fired, probably for punching out a coffee machine or something. Then two years later the higher ups say "Hey, we can save money by forcing EVERYONE to use the same scheduling system!" So we attend meetings trying to tell them why this is a bad idea. Then we attend meetings telling them what features their new system will need to have to replace ours. I sigh. Was nice knowing you, little web site that could. But, just as the corporate hand tightens around SCHED's neck, something happens. The million dollar software they bought appears to be a piece of poo poo. Other LABs rise up against it. Contracts are canceled. Ties are severed. History repeats. Oh unkillable SCHED, you will stay until PC's become obsolete, and future programmers will wonder how we ever accomplished anything with just ancient equipment. And maybe in that future higher ups will understand that specific needs can't be outsourced to outsiders.
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Apr 22, 2010 16:28
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Here's a story from my fiancee. She works at a transit manufacturing office, handling quotes and what not. Often she has to find supplies for the massive amount of parts and metal each order requires. Since tax money is being used, MBDA business rules apply to picking suppliers. If you have two possible suppliers with competitive prices, the MBDA qualifying company gets preferential treatment. The order of preference goes like this: 1) Minority or woman owned company that's not publicly traded. 2) US owned company, either private of public. 3) Rest of the planet. There's a bitch in the industry who owns her own company. All she does is get jobs because of her MBDA status, then subcontracts. Meaning she just gets money by abusing an agency. If a job is gotten and she wasn't specifically contacted about it, she'll raise a hell storm, to the point where most places have her number blocked. In fact, I don't think MBDA laws have granted ANYONE in the transit agency because of a contradiction in the business. To be able to fill the job, you must be a large enough company to send thousands of parts with multimillion dollar orders. Few companies that big are owned by a single person anymore. Which led to the following conversation:  OMG! We just signed a contract with you, but we forgot about MBDA laws! Do you have a supplier that's minority owned you can buy from? We always check the MBDA list available to us, and there's no one that can fill this order. Why not? There has to be someone! There is only one supplier in the entire US that can ship these parts. What about South Africa? What?!? There's a South African company that can do it! I'm sure they're at least 51% minority owned! You do realize that US MBDA rules don't apply to foreign countries? But they're a minority! Not in South Africa.
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Apr 22, 2010 19:26
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Eroding benefits suck. 1990: Pay raise! Cost of living increase! Christmas bonus! Your spouse goes to school for free! gently caress YEAH!!! 1995: Pay raise! Christmas bonus! Your spouse can go to school at a discount! Wee! 2000: Pay raise! Christmas bonus! Ok. 2005 Pay raise! Christmas candy! Hmm. 2008: We're pushing back review dates! Here, have a donation "in your honor" as a Christmas "gift." gently caress you. 2010: We promise not to punch you in the dick as we walk by! Ouch. But you said... 2015: We promise not to sell you for Soylent Green until you die. 2020: We promise to add yummy seasoning to your corpse.
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Apr 27, 2010 16:34
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