KRAMER THIS PHONE'S A PIECE OF JUNK, GOODBYE

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > KRAMER THIS PHONE'S A PIECE OF JUNK, GOODBYE

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

DrBouvenstein posted:

Tell me about it! I found muffuin tops on sale at Price Chopper a few yars ago and only a couple of my friends knew why i was so excited...but you're right, they bake just the top, when what they really need to do is bake a whole muffin, and "pop" the top.

I mean...if you get some specialty really shallow muffin tins, you'd only be throwing out like 1/4" of crappy stump anyway.

I don't think even the shallow tins can work effectively. If the volume of the 'top' comes from the batter rising as it bakes, how can an an equivalent muffin top arise from less than a full stump? Maybe screwing with the recipe to effect greater expansion, but then that's not authentic, either.

penis sandwich posted:

"David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?"

I like how he goads her just before that. "C'mon, get it ... what do you care, you know where you're going."

WoG fucked around with this message at 19:23 on Apr 26, 2010

# ¿ Apr 26, 2010 19:19

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:50

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

SansWetware posted:

"His buttocks are sublime!."

I'm watching a rerun on fox right now, and that line played probably 20 seconds before I read this post.

The best part of that scene is the body makeup that rubs off on the well when he falls.

Tiny Fistpump posted:

haha The Opera was on last night and I was thinking the exact same thing. Crazy Joe Davola wasn't that funny, he was loving scary.

"Are you still scared of clowns?"
"...yeah..."
One of Kramer's best line readings.

WoG fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Apr 29, 2010

# ¿ Apr 29, 2010 03:27

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

got dat wmd posted:

The Sein dvds are by far the best television dvds ever.

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

The best bonus features on the Seinfeld DVDs are the Sein-imations. Bar none

Oh, come on. I love this show enough to have bought every season DVD as it was released (waiting for the full series? Bah!), but these are both ridiculous claims.

The original-length episodes alone make them worth owning, and the Inside Looks are great and trivia tracks interesting, but there's crap like Sein-imation (they're cute once, but pointless fluff), and the commentaries, which are on only a fraction of the episodes, range from pretty good (some writing teams) to downright lousy (most cast tracks).

As far as DVD presentation goes, the Seinfeld set can't hold a candle to Futurama or (easily my favorite) Spaced.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2010 05:17

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

safety dan posted:

In "The Tape", during the fake porn interviews that Kramer's doing, he asks Elaine if the sex is real or if it's simulated. She answers "Oh, it's always simulated. Except with George, that's in my contract". When she says contract, she pronounces it "cuntract". Listen, it's there.

Locutus Of Bored posted:

I just listened again and it's very subtle but she definitely says cuntract. Nice catch

You idiots.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2010 16:31

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Rusty Shackelford posted:

That is a bit of a continuity error in the Seinfeld Universe. There was an episode of Mad About You where Jamie found out that Paul had kept the lease on his old apartment and was subletting it. The subletter was Kramer in his Seinfeld apartment.

Since both shows only exist in one boy's dream, I think we have to overlook small incongruities.

Thanks for the heads up, I never saw this crossover.

Kramer on Mad About You:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJcJqLz2J40

# ¿ May 11, 2010 16:02

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

hall n oates mom posted:

No, really, don't even start with this corn-rear end bullshit.

Hey, I'm just pointing out the asinine places one is led when one worries about crossover continuity.

# ¿ May 11, 2010 18:50

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Tender Bender posted:

It doesn't necessarily mean every show is part of the kid's dream. What if St. Elsewhere is his dream and in his dream characters from his favorite shows appear now and then. This makes much more sense.

Yeah, I'd only seen the chart before, but looking at the key page, they probably did gently caress this up. It does logically work in one direction, but not the other, and since they only mention the Kramer appearance (backwards) instead of George/Susan watching M.A.Y. (which would have been right), who knows how much of the rest is backwards.

Tiny Fistpump posted:

Talk about Seinfeld or get kiboshed.

If only you were nearly as militant about the far more egregious derails in basically every other thread in this forum. Here-- "shmoopy!"

# ¿ May 11, 2010 20:42

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

OldSenileGuy posted:

poo poo, is that what happened? I always just went along with what they said in the episode, that Kramer gave Jerry a poo poo phone.

Nah, it can't be -- whether the sound was bleeding through or not, he was on two simultaneous calls.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2010 21:57

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

The Walrus posted:

I always wondered about zip codes myself, as I had always been pretty reasonably sure that there were more than 99,999 addresses in the USA.

You never noticed that other people in your town had the same zip code?

# ¿ Jun 24, 2010 16:42

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

regulargonzalez posted:

What episode is it where Jerry and Elaine are having dinner at someone's house and Elaine is telling Jerry about a dream she had about him ("It was you, but it wasn't you...") as he gives his condescending nod? Think he is at the party to hook up with some chick there.

It was the second episode, The Stake Out.

# ¿ Jul 2, 2010 20:42

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Lord Hydronium posted:

"H. E. Pennypacker"

drat. For all these years I've thought it was 'A.G. Pennypacker'. drat homonymnitials.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2010 17:42

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

bringer posted:

My dreams of five minutes, dashed before my eyes.

Did anyone use the screaming Kramer from a few pages back? I think just Newman and Jerry were taken, but I can't really think of a good enough line to go with it.

"It's no picnic." or "HOOCHIE MAMA!" spring to mind.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2010 21:50

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

There's an answer key, guys. (too big for waffleimages)

# ¿ Aug 18, 2010 02:33

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Leyburn posted:

For sale, a big, juicy van!

I don't think I want to meet the people who are in the market for a used van.

^one of the funniest lines of the series, right there.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2010 03:13

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Relayer posted:

Today I realized what my least favorite episode is, and it's The Boyfriend. Reason? Keith Hernandez cannot act at all. It's so awkward watching him alongside the rest of the cast cause he's so stiff. He even makes Jerry's acting look great in comparison.

The magic loogie scene alone places The Boyfriend well above The Dog and The Stranded (the indisputable worst eps).

# ¿ Sep 18, 2010 20:36

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Mastodon Rickles posted:

They're the only episodes that don't have all of the main four and always feel kind of off because of it.

There was the L.A two-parter without Elaine, and the one where only Jerry and Elaine stay at Jerry's parents'. There might be more; that's all that come to mind. </pointless nerdery>

e: ^ahh, gently caress, beaten on both counts.

WoG fucked around with this message at 06:13 on Sep 19, 2010

# ¿ Sep 19, 2010 06:10

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

DarkCompanion posted:

You know, the one thing I never ever got. Why does Babu blame everything on Jerry? I mean, the whole incident gets used against him in a court of law during a trial that lands him in prison. Where does Babu get off?

You can't really think about the logic of the trial too closely. Neither the charges themselves (failure to intervene against an armed robber) nor the prosecution's plan (to establish them as pricks) would ever fly in the real world.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2010 21:55

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

HateTheInternet posted:

Granted, but bosco's numerical equivalent is actually 26726, not 2676, and 5-number PINs don't exist as far as I'm aware

Mine is 1-800-ILOVEBRANDNEWCARPETING.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2010 18:37

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Our eyes met across the crowded hat store -- I, a customer, and she, a coquettish haberdasher. I pursued, and she withdrew, and she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced...

# ¿ Dec 23, 2010 21:27

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

mojo1701a posted:

I love the way he so flippantly says this while he's taking a sip of coffee.

...then we'll go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up.

# ¿ Jan 2, 2011 05:00

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

The Human Cow posted:

What's everybody's favorite fictional movie? I've always wanted to see Rochelle, Rochelle in real life...a film, is what it is.

Flaming Globes of Sigmund, of course

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 16:02

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Chapter Two, the source of the plagiarized letter.

My Cousin Vinny and, I think, another Tomei movie or two are mentioned in her episode.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 16:22

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

T. Finn posted:

Was going to post this but it looks like it's the production company Pyramid Group. No way that young girl's strange erotic journey is PG.

There's definitely a BBFC certification logo there, too.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 17:30

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

mojo1701a posted:

Based on Seinfeld writer Spike Feresten's tweet about coming up with fake episode titles in the Seinfeld writers' room, Seinfeld Stories came up with this synopsis for "The Dictionary":

Nothing special (duh, since he comes up with story lines and you fill in the rest), but I really like the Kramer storyline.

I can't imagine "finds the perfect dive bar" as a seinfeld plot.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2011 20:13

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

DrBouvenstein posted:

Hello, Mr. Finerman. You wanna buy a computer?

No? Why not?

All right, I see. Good answer. Thank you

His phone wasn't even hooked up. He just liked ringing that bell.

# ¿ Aug 5, 2011 20:54

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

I'll tell you what you did, Caligula...

# ¿ Aug 11, 2011 16:13

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

thepokey posted:

For sale - a big, juicy, van.

I don't think I want to meet the people in the market for a used van.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2011 03:32

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Feels like an Arby's night.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2011 03:17

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

stratdax posted:

I think the writer of that episode was the same writer who did the one where somebody (Jerry?) buys a gun and Elain starts saying "where do you want it Jerry? The Kennedy? The Lincoln?" and points the gun at the appropriate places on her body.

They didn't film it though because it was just too far out there.

Not the point, I know, but weren't Kennedy and Lincoln both the back of the head?

# ¿ Aug 24, 2011 23:44

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

safety dan posted:

That's what they gave me!

the government?

# ¿ Sep 6, 2011 21:20

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Chexoid posted:

I can't find it on youtube, but my favourite Kramer entrance is when Jerry got those special rubber gloves for him, and he throws it behind him and Kramer catches it as he walks in.

I wonder how many takes they needed.

Quite a few. There was a sequence in some outtakes or behind-the-scenes somewhere.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2011 22:47

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

...maybe he's just very well red?

# ¿ Nov 20, 2011 04:13

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Criminal Minded posted:

He's my protege!

He's MY butler!

# ¿ Nov 30, 2011 17:39

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Barnum posted:

Master of the house, doling out the charm

Everybody's talkin' at me
I can't hear a word they're sayin'
Just drivin' round in Jon Voigt's car...

# ¿ Dec 29, 2011 18:06

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

jojoinnit posted:

People dislike the LA episodes?

It is puzzling. The phone call to the cops, the sheet tuck debate, the tipping debate, kramer's interrogation, so much gold.

Stranded's definitely one of the weakest, but not as bad as 'The Dog'. George and Elaine alone makes for some funny scene or two, but the other 90% of that episode is terrible.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2011 20:22

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

esperantinc posted:

"Excuse me, where are we?"
"Earth."

Gets me every time.

What's my name? It's, uh, _{George Costanza...}

# ¿ Dec 30, 2011 20:55

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

Chicolini posted:

What do I need to talk for, huh? What, to blab to the neighbors about George has a new fem-Jerry friend? Or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend?

quote:

(^kramer pantomiming frank and estelle's reaction to george's man-love for a she-jerry)

# ¿ Jan 17, 2012 16:30

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

RoughDraft2.0 posted:

So last night I downloaded a Kindle single by Fred Stoller, who spent a few months in '94 writing for the show. (His best contribution was probably the Kenny Bania/suit/soup as a meal episode.) I can't really recommend it, because he really didn't have a long enough tenure for anything too insightful, but he does have some interesting stories about Larry David being Larry David. Also, he decided to put in some of his ideas for episodes that he never got around to actually pitching. I thought I'd post them here, including his all-caps style because it's just somehow funnier:

JERRY ACCIDENTALLY INSULTS MANUTE BOL

JERRY PRETENDS HE'S ON A SEQUESTERED JURY TO AVOID SOMEONE

JERRY GOES TO A KNICKS GAME AND AS A RESULT HE IS IN THE BACKGROUND OF A BASKETBALL CARD

JERRY'S PARTNER IN A CANOE TRIP BY ACCIDENT FILLS THEIR CANTEENS WITH YOO-HOO

Fred successfully pitched Kramer being confronted by a monkey at a zoo; his idea of Jerry insulting someone on a cruise ship and becoming the trip's pariah didn't pass muster.

I bought that the other day, too, when it popped up in the kindle twitter feed, and it was worth the $2, I guess, but nothing more.

I really want to like that guy, but that book was easily 50% pathetic and his new 'Gate Show' is completely forgettable.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2012 22:50

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

^Yeah, that list isn't anything he pitched or fleshed out, it's from when he was writing down whatever random nonsense came to mind to see if anything stuck.

Half of them are hilarious, even if it's hard to imagine what storyline they would trigger. (Then again, one would probably say the same about half of the existing episodes' 5 word summaries.)

Coffee And Pie posted:

That reminds me, everyone should check out the SeinfeldStories twitter account, it's a bunch of plots for Seinfeld that never happened. It's way better than it has any right to be.

There really are some brilliant ideas mixed in there. Crowd-sourcing one sentence pitches would probably be a great way to write a sitcom these days, if it weren't for the nightmare of guild red tape it would inevitably cause.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2012 23:13

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:50

WoG: Jul 13, 2004

If you mean actually remove, not just 'recast and rename', like some of these responses seem to indicate, it has to be Kramer. His plots are rarely the A story, or when they are, they're counter to the typical 'feel' of the show. Likewise, instances where he plays a necessary part in others' stories, that part could often just as easily be filled by newman/puddy/etc.

# ¿ Feb 3, 2012 19:44

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > KRAMER THIS PHONE'S A PIECE OF JUNK, GOODBYE

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