Lawyer & Law School Megathread #12: Started Out Barrister, Ended Up Barista

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Lawyer & Law School Megathread #12: Started Out Barrister, Ended Up Barista

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zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Your honor, he unlawfully entered the kitchen after bedtime with the intent to steal a cookie.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2011 05:42

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 03:22

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

joat mon posted:

I don't know why we still have Esq.

We're not cool enough for "Dr."

# ¿ Sep 26, 2011 02:49

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Hellbunny posted:

Crossposting from the amusing and provokative political pictures thread in D&D:

On the bright side, if a passing bus hits you while sitting on a corner, time to sue for damages!

# ¿ Oct 18, 2011 23:51

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

This page got depressing fast.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2011 07:09

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Soothing Vapors posted:

It doesn't bother me because I have better things to do with my loving time than preen over the difference between dashes

like drink myself into oblivion or cut myself so I can feel something. anything.

I bet you italicize your commas, too. Monster.

# ¿ Dec 22, 2011 22:52

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

I think they started doing that after a virus was embedded into a comment and infected a bunch of people who automatically loaded it.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2012 18:11

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Tux.

# ¿ Jan 29, 2012 05:04

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

BigHead posted:

nm can you please tazer me in the balls every time I try to read the Cops On The Beat thread. Thanks.

The thread's actually pretty good if you hit the little "?" under nm's name to limit it to his posts and ignore everyone else.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2012 17:17

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

I thought they got secret service protection too, but guess not. Googling brought up another story about Souter getting mugged in D.C. in 2004.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2012 23:23

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Feces Starship posted:

to be honest if i was going to mug a justice souter seems like the pretty obvious target

He seems like a nice dude, if weird and hermit-y. :3:

# ¿ Feb 14, 2012 00:33

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Agesilaus posted:

Why would it matter if he was an African national? Dual citizenship doesn't disqualify you from the presidency; even being born in Africa wouldn't be a problem so long as your parents were U.S. citizens.

But he went to school at a madrassa, man!

# ¿ Feb 14, 2012 00:41

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Spaces between all authoritative and explanatory parentheticals, and God help you if you list them out of order.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2012 22:10

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

yadayadayada posted:

I haven't looked at a bluebook in over two years and I knew you were wrong. Don't mess with a law review ALL STAR.

Skills

Really terrific writer and researcher and such
Great with clients
Doesn't believe in "weekends"
Can spot italicized commas like nobody's business

# ¿ Feb 15, 2012 22:16

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Email instead of a letter is fine; it might leave a good impression and it might be ignored, but I don't think anybody's going to go "man, gently caress that guy" as long as it's short and personable.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2012 03:39

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Your (freshly made) salsa should have your tomato/cilantro/heat covered, cheese is fine, lettuce is pretty dorky, beef or pork, corn tortillas.

Burritos with carne asada are ~~awesome~~ basically the best thing.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2012 22:33

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Actually didn't know that was a San Diego thing; I've only ever called them California burritos. And now I'm on the wikipedia page for burritos. Today is an educational day.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2012 22:56

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Mixed Doubles posted:

I'm rambling, but my thinking is this: UT over Michigan, but Penn if I get enough aid to make it equal cost. Does that sound like a good game plan to you guys? It's hard to find objective advice because everyone in Texas thinks UT is God and has never heard of Penn, but I've also heard that UT grads have been pretty hard hit lately, and I know to take the advice of anyone who went to school 40 years ago with a grain of salt.

If you want to go to New York, Penn (with equivalent money) > Michigan > UT. Taking on the full cost of attendance for any of them wouldn't be worth it, but you could call up the Penn admissions people and say "hey, I've got this money offer from Mich but I want to be an Ivy-league snob, can you guys do anything for me?"

If you want to work at your small firm, it probably doesn't make any difference so long as you can pass the Texas bar. Go to whichever has the cheapest cost of living.

# ¿ Feb 29, 2012 18:12

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

hairypanis posted:

Laws 101: What is a lawyer?

Quick goons, I need something witty to say in class!

# ¿ Mar 6, 2012 00:39

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Especially not if you're 110.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2012 22:40

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Yeah; I don't mind that he said it, but somebody dropped the ball with "unprecedented" in there.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2012 04:28

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Not quite the whole purpose; there is the easy A.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2012 02:00

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

dos4gw posted:

OK so you're doing a Torts exam and there's a problem question on say product liability. You don't think that company X would be liable because the case law says such and such and so you don't think the claimant has shown causation. There's not really any emotive element to that - if the professor personally disagrees with your opinion, as long as you have analysed the authorities properly and show that you know what you're talking about, you'll get marks.

Contrast that with something like 'Corporonormativism and the law' where if you came to the same conclusion, you would lose marks left right and centre because THE COMPANIES EXIST TO EXPLOIT THE POOR AND POOR DAVID LOST HIS ARM IN THAT CAR CRASH HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THE INHERENT PREJUDICE IN THE LAW ON CAUSATION. There's no room for differing opinions - it's emotional and not academic in the slightest.

Reminds me of a question from my 1L torts exam. Letter for letter: "Is tort law just?" :allears:

# ¿ Apr 15, 2012 16:31

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Feces Starship posted:

Is this the first time we've ever made so much noise that someone called our parents?

Legal tacochat only.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2012 20:42

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

On the other hand, self-regulating profession.

diospadre posted:

It's ok you can still probate me!

I had no idea it was so cliched already, so I deserve it.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2012 23:36

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Dallan Invictus posted:

Yes, but this means you won Eve.

I lost Eve a few weeks ago; installed it and joined up with the lego space goons.

(In fairness, it was $5 for ~2 months through Steam and I can totally see why it appeals to lawyer-types.)

# ¿ Apr 18, 2012 18:32

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Feces Starship posted:

I BECOME ~~LEGEND~~ 3L

Enjoy your B+!

# ¿ May 1, 2012 20:09

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Can't turn down that sweet SCOTUS signing bonus.

# ¿ Jun 29, 2012 03:04

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

To me it's the difference between 1) reporting the basics as soon as possible even though you haven't gone through all the details, which would be fine; and 2) getting the result of the case completely wrong (and then rambling on about how striking down the law hurts the administration) instead of having Jeff Toobin take an extra ten seconds and skim the next page of the opinion, which is ridiculous.

# ¿ Jun 29, 2012 21:01

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

They have the world's tallest thermometer!

# ¿ Jul 12, 2012 03:55

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Boosted_C5 posted:

Ugh. Last day to study.

Hold me.

Take the last day off and use it to get your mind and body some rest so they'll be at 100% for the real thing. Good luck!

# ¿ Jul 23, 2012 15:11

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

I have like half a dozen USB thumb drives from OCI I still occasionally use.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2012 05:35

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Slobjob Zizek posted:

Doing a bit of googling has lead me to believe that most biglaw firms gross wayyyyy more than my government consulting firm, yet we hire AAs and public relations people to do poo poo like that. Are law firms run by greedy idiots?

Is that a serious question?

# ¿ Aug 22, 2012 03:52

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Soothing Vapors posted:

e: goddamn you aelamaoin

Did you just get EFB'ed by a post made eight hours ago?

# ¿ Sep 23, 2012 17:29

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

The Supreme Court upholds the decision of the Louisiana court that Plessy needs to move to the back of the bus

THAT�S hosed UP

# ¿ Oct 19, 2012 04:34

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

To bill often and much, to win the cases of rich clients and the rulings of judges, to leave the firm a little bit richer, to know that just one bank has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2012 16:57

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

CaptainScraps posted:

Practicing law is WAAAAAAAAY better than law school. Even family law. Because you get to flirt with court coordinators.

Literally the wrongest thing ever ever ever.

# ¿ Nov 5, 2012 23:35

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

I have a powerpoint to give tomorrow, could you guys find me a link to the original text of the criminal law in the 1980s? Seriously replies from ivy grads only, please.

# ¿ Nov 26, 2012 06:14

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

Most of the stigma is from jealous types whose schools weren't as fun.

# ¿ Nov 27, 2012 04:49

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

How is it even possible to live in Boston and not be able to find alcohol?

# ¿ Dec 4, 2012 18:07

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 03:22

zzyzx: Mar 2, 2004

The article itself. :awesomelon:

Petey posted:

Today, during a heated discussion on the sequester, a frustrated President Barack Obama made the following statement to the press corps as they challenged him to show more leadership in negotiations:

"I'm presenting a fair deal, the fact that they don�t take it means that I should somehow, you know, do a Jedi mind meld with these folks and convince them to do what�s right."

Various commentators immediately criticized the President for, as they say, crossing the streams. Jim Kuhnhenn of the Associated Press wrote that Obama "�mixed his sci-fi metaphors�The Jedi reference comes from Star Wars, and the mind meld from Star Trek." Xeni Jardin of BoingBoing wrote that the President "tried to drop a gratuitous nerd culture reference�and blew it." #ObamaSciFiQuotes began trending on Twitter, mocking Obama for his apparent misstep.

Out of a nascent sense of patriotism, and animated by the spirit of my friend Matt Stempeck's LazyTruth, I now reluctantly but firmly step forward in defense of my President against these reckless and ill-founded accusations. Obama did not, as Jardin claimed, "blow" his reference: he was more correct than any of his critics could possibly imagine.

First, as a friend pointed out, there is a Jedi Meld well established within the admittedly capacious but nonetheless official contours of the Star Wars: Expanded Universe. In Outbound Flight, a novel written by the prolific Timothy Zahn, the Jedi Master Jorus C'baoth instructs a young Anakin Skywalker that the Jedi Meld "permits a group of Jedi to connect their minds so closely as to act as a single person." (emphasis added)

According to Wookieepedia, the Jedi Meld was deployed by dozens of Jedi, including (but not limited to) Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, Mara Jade Skywalker, and Anakin, Jacen, and Jaina Solo, across dozens officially-licensed books. Indeed, its recovery and redevelopment, principally by the Solo children, was an important turning point in the Yuuzhan Vong War as chronicled exhaustively in the New Jedi Order series.

But not only is the Jedi Meld, through general acceptance and uncontroversial use, authoritatively established within the official Star Wars universe: it was the right reference for Obama to make.

Jedi Mind Tricks, according to Wookieepedia, "refer to a spectrum of Force powers which influenced the thoughts of sentient creatures"; the Vulcan Mind-meld, according to Wikipedia, "is a technique for sharing thoughts, experiences, memories, and knowledge with another individual."

Both are powerful methods of influence, to be sure, but neither fully captures what Obama was suggesting when he said he could not "do a Jedi mind meld with these folks and convince them to do what�s right." (emphasis added) Rather, the most appropriate method for Obama would be a Jedi Meld. For it is the Jedi Meld, rather than its more familiar cousins, which would allow Obama to be as effective as he suggested he would like to be, and arguably the only one which allows him to be effective in the particular way he describes.

This argument is best understood through the framework of actor-network theory as developed by Bruno Latour. ANT is a huge box to unpack in a blog post, so for now let me simply say this: for Latour - and apparently Obama - the world is composed of actors. Progress towards a particular goal is made by convincing ("enrolling") other actors to be "allies" which, once linked to and by you, bend their collective will towards your goal. As Clay Spinuzzi writes, "An actor-network is composed of many entities or actants that enter into an alliance to satisfy their diverse aims. Each actant enrolls the others, that is, finds ways to convince the others to support its own aims."

Now, consider the following passages excerpted from Walter Jon Williams' Ylesia:

Some have commented that these passages suggest that the Jedi Meld is used for communication, not convincing. But through the lens of Latour we see that the convincing comes before and during the communication. A Jedi Meld cannot take place before/until other Jedi have been convinced to enter into it, and thereafter it serves as a continuing site of contestation and cooptation. As I wrote in the comments below, it is C'baoth's description of the Jedi Meld - "allows them to act as if they were a single person" - which implies, indeed necessitates influence: an assembled actor-network only holds together if all have been convinced to act as one. The linkages are made through not only the mind-meld but the other ontological actors which keep the linkages active from moment to moment.

When Obama writes that he "can't do a Jedi mind meld with these folks and convince them to do what�s right," then, what we should understand him to be saying is that he cannot simply enroll these actively hostile allies at a distance and convince them to move towards his goal any more easily than a scientist can straightforwardly enroll gravity to make him fly. Like obstinately hot coals beneath the feet of a soothsayer, the Republicans are, viz Obama, black boxes which remain unopenable and unenrollable. The Jedi Meld method fails, and with it the network of possibility, not only for lack of midi-chlorians, but for a lack of available allies.

Far from being a mistake, mixed metaphor, or slip-of-the-tongue, Obama's extemporaneous invocation of "Jedi Meld" was precisely on point, simultaneously displaying his nuanced and considerable command of the finer details of both actor-network theory and the Star Wars: Expanded Universe. Instead of mocking him from the comfort of our replica X-wing armchairs, as nerds and citizens we should be honored and awed by a commander-in-chief who offhandedly deploys such concepts in the public discourse.

Edit 3/2/2013, 10AM ET: At the request of some in the comments I have tried (perhaps successfully) to further articulate the Latour connection and its significance. My apologies if it was (and/or remains) obscure: I've been distracted writing my thesis. In any case, if you're interested in learning more about actor-network theory, you should read Latour and his interlocuters. If you are looking for a good place to start, I would personally recommend beginning with (at least) the first two chapters of Graham Harman's Prince of Networks before moving on to Latour's Reassembling the Social. Careful, though: once you see ANT, you can't unsee it.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2013 02:07

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Lawyer & Law School Megathread #12: Started Out Barrister, Ended Up Barista

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