Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

I dunno if you wanted to add a link to the Let's Read Bad Star Wars Books Thread, at least it would save Thrawn the trouble of posting it every so often:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3296954

# ¿ Aug 14, 2010 20:17

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 12:07

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

elf pr0n posted:

So if I was getting back into the entire Star Wars EU/Jedi Academy/whatever else what books should I read? The only Star Wars book I read was Shadows of the Empire (lol) and I really want to read me some Star Wars books!

Anything by Zahn.
X-Wing series from Stackpole and Allston.

Those should be a good start.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2010 20:29

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

cthulusnewzulubbq posted:

Was there any sort of leap in technology that gave birth to the deathstar? It would seem that orbital mortars would be desirable to just about anyone in the galaxy and the only reason I can come up with as to why the Empire did it first was because it was such a massive money sink. That, and because it's cartoonishly evil.

Be gentle with me, I don't read that EU stuff.

Tarkin posted:

Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this battle station

Sure, a bunch of relatively smaller warships may make more sense logically, militarily and financially, but the whole point of the Empire's philosophy at the time wasn't to simply destroy planets, but to make them too afraid of being obliterated to act out.

Except for Alderaan, I guess, but they obviously had it coming.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2010 21:57

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Spiderjelly posted:

What's the deal with Starkiller?

We get him instead of new Kyle Katarn games. :colbert:

# ¿ Aug 14, 2010 23:25

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Slantedfloors posted:

What the hell is a Death Star? Maybe you mean the entirely peaceful Imperial Ore Extractor?

Maybe it's like a Justice Star. Sounds like Rebel Propaganda to me.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2010 06:58

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

I read GFFA as Galactic Federation of Free Alliances and got excited that maybe a Thrawn clone comes into the picture. But then the real acronym came to me. Oh well still going to be good.

I was all set to hope that your initial thought was correct, but Wookiepedia crushes my dreams once again.

Wookiepedia posted:

Hand of Judgment is an upcoming novel by Timothy Zahn set for release on July 19, 2011.[1] It will be set shortly after the Allegiance novel and will feature Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Chewbacca, Mara Jade, Thrawn and the Hand of Judgment.[2]

Should still be awesome.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 05:22

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

T-1000 posted:

You've got a few good weekends ahead of you. The last two in the series aren't quite as good but are still worth picking up if you can.

Starfighters of Adumar was the best book in that series hands down.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 13:43

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Crowetron posted:

How about Wedge.jpg

I would have said the one where he's blasting away with guns in each hands.

But that's acceptable too.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 14:50

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Whoops.

sniper4625 fucked around with this message at 16:41 on Aug 16, 2010

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 16:34

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

I wrote up a post answering the question, but then I lost it.

So to sum it up beyond what's in the OP:

The Galactic Empire is Nazi Germany with aliens replacing Hitler's Untermenschen. Everything Hitler did - campaigns of terror, wanton brutality, warmongering - Palpatine is guilty of as well. They both used the same deception strategies too - promise a war-torn nation/galaxy peace, stability and order. Use an attempted "coup" (Reichstag Fire/Jedi Coup) to consolidate power without appearing to be overtly seizing it. Institute organizations to ensure ideological purity (Nazi Party/COMPNOR), crush any signs of revolt as soon as they appear.

While both governments did technically deliver on some of their promises of peace and prosperity, the sheer amount of crimes against humanity (hell, all life for Palps) vastly outweighs any possible good they may have done. Perhaps under Thrawn or Pellaeon, the Empire could have been different, but as it was, the Empire was evil.

sniper4625 fucked around with this message at 16:47 on Aug 16, 2010

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 16:44

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Fnoigy posted:

Makes sense to me! I think they should have alluded to that more thoroughly in the movies, though.

Yeah, the movies could have fleshed things out more, but all they needed was a blatantly evil antagonist. (Weren't the movies written on the fly? I don't think there was much planning anyway) Besides, a lot of the evidence against the Empire comes from the EU. Hell, I think I read that High Human Culture was the EU's way of explaining why every Imperial we see in the movies are human males (and English!)

Fnoigy posted:

Hell, you could have called the Rebel Alliance "terrorists" and would have little to no trouble putting a whole different spin on the entire trilogy.

Paging Mad Hamish.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 16:53

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

thrawn527 posted:

Not really. Again, the Empire blew up a planet. A planet filled with innocent people.

Also, keep in mind that when Lucas wrote A New Hope, he was writing as an allegory for the Vietnam War, with the Emperor as a useless Nixon type president. He saw the Empire as the eventual result of a country like America. Lucas used to be political. (well, he used to be slightly more subtle about it)

At the time, whose word did we have that the planet was peaceful? Just Leia's - for all audiences knew, she could have been lying and Alderaan could have been a hotbed of dissension, armed to the teeth. In that context, the destruction of the world could have been justified. In hindsight, and considering the amount of EU material supporting Alderaan's pacifism, it's obviously pure evil.

sniper4625 fucked around with this message at 17:01 on Aug 16, 2010

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 16:57

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

^^^ It's like a Rebel Version of "Guy who gets told to get the gently caress out of Thrawn's Office." I miss that guy.

Nemesis Of Moles posted:

Nah that'd still be pretty evil.

Reading the script, Tarkin does ask Leia if she would prefer a different target, specifically, "a military target". So yeah, it's a blatant attack on a civilian target, no doubt about it.

sniper4625 fucked around with this message at 17:20 on Aug 16, 2010

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 17:17

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Duckman2008 posted:

haha i don't remember that part of the books, who was that?

Unfortunately, that's not an actual character, just a running gag around here. He made quite a few appearences in the last thread.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 19:42

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Chaos Hippy posted:

I was just waiting for a link to show up, because I was too lazy to go looking for it myself.

Consider this done also.

sniper4625 on the first page posted:

I dunno if you wanted to add a link to the Let's Read Bad Star Wars Books Thread, at least it would save Thrawn the trouble of posting it every so often:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3296954

Ahem.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 21:31

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Cheda Gochi.

T-1000 posted:

- The original R2-D2: dead, replaced by replica

Wait, what?

# ¿ Aug 17, 2010 20:28

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

If we're posting that, can someone post the pimping sky-ship? _{FOOM. FOOM. FOOM}

# ¿ Aug 17, 2010 23:00

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Bonzo posted:

So Amidala was elected or appointed Queen? Either way, I've never heard of a ruling system where royalty steps down to become a politician after.

For that matter, how was Leia a Princess when her dad wasn't a King? I don't remember Bail ever being called "Prince" or "king" Organa. And if his wife was royalty wouldn't that make him Duke or Earl or something?

He was married to the Queen. As for his title... v :shobon:

# ¿ Aug 24, 2010 18:42

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

kimcicle posted:

Sorry if this was answered earlier in the thread, but I skimmed the OP and recalled receiving some Star Wars books from a family friend when I was in the 6th / 7th grade (about 14 or so years ago). I'm not sure exactly what they were, so maybe you guys can help and I can pick up where I left off. Luke had his Jedi Academy on Yavin 4 and there was some guy flying around in some ship that could cause stars to blow up or something along those lines. Eventually he throws the thing into a black hole while shoving himself in a canister or something? That was the last one I read, sorry if it's not specific enough.

The Jedi Academy Trilogy by Kevin J. Anderson. There's a readthrough of them going on in The Book Barn thread right now, link's in the OP.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2010 15:01

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Karandras posted:

EAW rules but only for space skirmishes basically. The campaigns are horrible because half your missions are "Here, micromanage this pair of heroes for a dumb land battle". I love EAW to bits and the mod community is great but goddamn the campaigns are terrible. I played through all of Forces of Corruption to see the Eclipse and I regret it

I've been playing in and running some Star Wars games and am being driven a little crazy trying to get some consistent figures and justify some stuff. I know it is Just Star Wars etc but a sounding board is nice to get some perspective, so what do you think?

How many TIE defenders were roughly made? The wiki source says at least 10,000 were unaccounted for, which indicates there were a lot made post Endor.

How many ISDs are around (Roughly) in the Core ~0BBY? I'm thinking there would be at least a dozen at Kuat or Coruscant, but how many are there total?

Things like Mon Calamari managed to rebel and then defend themselves from the Empire seems ridiculous if the Empire is a huge galaxy spanning government with access to hundreds if not thousands of Star Destroyers and yet only had a dozen or more of their own unless:
a) Mon Calamari had an unusual amount of fixed defenses like space stations, but it'd have to be a *lot*
b) Imperial officers are really too incompetent, arrogant and competitive to organise a large enough fleet without the Emperor's personal interference
c) The Emperor was manipulating the situation to stop them taking Mon Cal, so he could set up his ROTJ end game.

I guess it makes sense if you picture the Imperial Fleet as being basically 100% held up intimidating local systems with only a few dozen or more capital ships free for action at a time?

The number for Star Destroyers that gets thrown around a lot is 25,000. But re: Mon Calamari, I couldn't say.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2010 15:06

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Fondor?

# ¿ Aug 25, 2010 22:01

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Tarezax posted:

For that I'd have to direct you to the Book Barn and the Let's Read Terrible Star Wars Novels thread. I don't remember what book it was though.

The Bounty Hunter Trilogy.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2010 23:42

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Boondock Saint posted:

So I've got a question, I'm currently reading through Dark Force Rising right now and there's a part where they discuss the Empire sending troops to a city and that the force they send consists of mostly standard army troops and some stormtroopers.

I always thought Stormtroopers were the standard troops in the Imperial Army? Can someone clear this up for me?

Stormtroopers are intended as elite shock troopers. Special training, special armor, etc.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2010 03:04

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Casimir Radon posted:

No Lucasbooks, you're not going to get any of my money that way. The only way I'd even consider spending that kind of money is if Zahn was given complete creative control to write his loving Star Wars Magnum opus, and in the process stepped all over much shittier authors. Then I could justify spending $60 on a hardcover Star Wars book that comes in a little vault. Get on it.

How could you not include the description:

Amazon.com posted:

The Jedi Path, Fully Illustrated, with Removable Features and a Mechanical Vault

With the push of a button, the doors of the vault open in a wash of light and Star Wars sound effects. The inner platform rises, revealing this exclusive edition of The Jedi Path.

This ancient training manual, crafted by early Jedi Masters, has educated and enlightened generations of Jedi. It explains the history and hierarchy of the Jedi Order, and what Jedi must know to take their place as defenders of the peace in the galaxy�from mastery of the Force to the nuances of lightsaber combat.

Passed down from Master to Padawan, the pages of this venerable text have been annotated by those who have held it, studied it, and lived its secrets. From Yoda and Luke Skywalker to Count Dooku and Darth Sidious, they have shaped the content of the book by leaving mementos tucked within the pages, tearing out pages, and adding their personal experiences as tangible reminders of the lessons they�ve learned.

Through wars and rebellion, only a single copy of this manual has survived. It is now passed on to you.

The ancient Masters who wrote the text: Fae Coven, Grand Master and head of the Jedi Council; Crix Sunburris, Jedi Ace starfighter pilot; Restelly Quist, Jedi Chief Librarian; Skarch Vaunk, Jedi Battlemaster and lightsaber expert; Bowspritz, Jedi Biologist and expert on the Living Force; Sabla-Mandibu, Jedi Seer and Holocron expert; Morrit Ch�gally, Jedi Recruiter; Gal-Stod Slagistrough, Jedi leader of the Agricultural Corps.

Jedi who added personal commentary: Yoda, Thame Cerulian, Count Dooku, Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Darth Sidious, and Luke Skywalker.

Removable features: A letter tracing the book�s history, a severed Padawan braid, a metal Jedi Credit medallion, a Jedi starfighter patch, a burned poster of the Jedi Code, a map of the Jedi Temple, a lightsaber diagram sketched on the back of a napkin from Dex�s Diner, and a note on the missing pages torn from the book by a Sith.

Created in collaboration with Lucasfilm�along with an acclaimed Star Wars author and revered Star Wars illustrators�this volume provides new insights into the history and lore of the Jedi Order while introducing never-before-seen ships, creatures, characters, and details about how one trains to become a Jedi.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2010 23:04

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

beze posted:

As I understand it, a snowspeeder is a modified T-47. What does an unmodified T-47 look like? Does someone have a pic?

Basically the same. If I remember correctly, the modification consisted of that grate-thingie on the back. Supposed to help with the cold.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2010 03:47

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Kingtheninja posted:

OH poo poo. poo poo just got real in Backlash. Mando raid on the temple, while brief was still awesome. Kind of wished it was a more full blown attack but I can dream. I don't really get why it happened though. I understand daala issued a warning for them to give up the jedi, but it didn't seem like she even waited for a response from the jedi before sending in the mandalorians. And now after the jedi temple was attacked by them, certain JEDI are wanted?.

One thing I have loved about this series so far is the appearances of so many characters from other things. Kyle rayner and his apprentice from jedi academy for example.

Kyle...Rayner? :crossarms:

# ¿ Sep 16, 2010 04:41

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

SeanBeansShako posted:

You'll be glad you didn't pay the real price for it after the 50th planetary invasion of Kessel.

Goddamn, it got to the point where I would just mass Stormtroopers and hurl them against planets until I won. Land Battles in that game...

# ¿ Sep 16, 2010 04:45

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

RKOMG! posted:

http://heatvision.hollywoodreporter.com/2010/09/star-wars-movies-coming-in-2012.html

Oh dear.

Is anyone surprised? I'm not.

Look for a Starkiller cameo.

The Article posted:

Each conversion takes at least a year to complete, with Lucas personally overseeing the process to make sure each one is as perfected as possible.

Yep. "Perfected".

# ¿ Sep 29, 2010 02:43

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Mister Roboto posted:

I'm amazed they never made a Starcraft clone with Star Wars.

They made an AOEII clone, if that counts.

# ¿ Nov 11, 2010 20:14

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 12:07

sniper4625: Sep 26, 2009; Loyal to the hEnd

Torael_7 posted:

By the time the Vong rolled around, he had somehow managed to get it painted red. How is never actually explained though...

Didn't he get it painted as a reward for his service in Vision of the Future?

# ¿ Nov 29, 2010 18:27

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