I Read Current Releases And So Should You!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > SA's Front Page Discussion > I Read Current Releases And So Should You!

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Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

ProfessorClumsy posted:

Vargo is actually caught in an infinite time loop. He's experienced this several times already.

Decompress the shuttlebay, Vargo. Don't use the tractor beam.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2010 23:10

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 12:32

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Wow, I figured Mars Needs Moms would be terrible, but I just thought aesthetically, not philosophically.

# ¿ Mar 13, 2011 15:41

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Nucular Carmul posted:

Vargo, I read the Mars Needs Moms review and was suitably outraged at the message involved, but now I've read the thread over in CI about how terribly it bombed and it gives me some faith in humanity back

And as a bonus, it looks like they're going to pull the plug on Zemeckis's remake of Yellow Submarine. Happy endings for everyone!

# ¿ Mar 16, 2011 01:25

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

The Ace posted:

It just feels out of step with what something awful does/is. Now, SA is a lot of things to a lot of people, but an outlet for movie reviews really doesn't feel like one of them, especially as straight laced and serious as these. I've been on the forums for a long time and a pretty avid reader of the front page, and what I've come to understand about SA is that it is deeply, deeply in the counter-culture side of things. SA triumphs the bizarre, it pigeonholes the normal, and in a brilliant blend of absurdity and farce gives us a view of the world that feels at once deeply detached and yet pressed right up against reality.

Something Awful has always been about being unique and poo-pooing the mainstream. SA blazes its own trail. To do what rotten tomatoes or film drunk does isn't unique and just feels, to be honest, lazy. Plus, the reviews aren't generally very funny and on occasion the advice isn't that great. I saw the green hornet on current releases' word, and I have to say, I wish I'd seen something else.

Now about that humor, for the front page of a comedy website, humor's got to be an important part. In the more juvenile days, there was truthmedia, which would print phony reviews loaded with spelling errors and plot inconsistencies just to elicit the scorn and hatemail of angry nerds. SA would then turn around and print the flamemail, revealing how pathetic and sad these people's lives were when they took the time to write an angry letter about a review that was clearly fake. It was a nice little commentary on internet culture.

So, if the front page is the tip of SA's spear, then it has to be dipped in the signature SA poison: a blend of wit, sarcasm, and parody. For frank discussion and exchange of ideas, there's always been a place for it on the forums, where it lives quite comfortably side by side with SA's unique brand of highjinks and humor.

I guess I'd just expect more Plinket, less Ebert.

My god, that's a lot to put on a silly little website. Have you considered basing your happiness around something more, I don't know, important?

# ¿ Mar 25, 2011 15:57

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Marvel's version of the Norse mythology has always been shot to hell.

# ¿ May 2, 2011 00:05

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Phoenixan posted:

I was so excited for the Green Lantern movie when I first saw the trailers. Now I read the review and see this image:

This image with his head almost appearing to float on top of a suit, with face a... strange cross between an angry face and a confused look.

Now I'm not so sure about this anymore.

(Also, this image makes me wonder if Green Lantern could somehow be incorporated into a Painkiller-clone, and I don't see their licensed video game doing this.)

What really interested me about the Green Lantern review is that its criticisms about the movie are the same as my criticisms about the current comics.

# ¿ Jun 21, 2011 01:22

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Vargo posted:

I don't know if I count that because the plot of the movie was that they chose that switch, if I remember right.

If we're talking the Eddie Murphy/Dan Aykroyd one, they didn't switch bodies, they just had their lives transposed by a couple of rich cocksuckers over a bet.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2011 15:14

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

The Moon Monster posted:

50/50 actually sounds pretty interesting. Just from watching the commercials I thought the plot was something like "Virgin gets cancer and his friend helps him use that to get laid before he dies."

I'm pretty sure there was a movie like that at one point.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2011 20:14

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Jay Dub posted:

Are you thinking of this?

I don't *think* so. I'm remembering this mostly from a review in Roger Ebert's "I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie," which I haven't read in years.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2011 23:21

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Maybe it's just me, but "uncharacteristically bland Amanda Seyfried" is a contradiction in terms. Every time I see this woman, she's bland. Even in that movie where she took her top off, she was a pair of tits surrounded by bland.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2011 14:44

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Humbug Scoolbus posted:

But they were very nice tits.

Oh, no argument there.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2011 22:59

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Quantum of Phallus posted:

Should I watch the other Twilight films first or can I just jump on Breaking Hymen?

I saw the first one, it was pretty naff.

Remember the long-haired Indian kid? He's a werewolf. You're good to go now.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2011 15:21

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Regarding New Year's Eve: So the Pfeiffer character's resolutions were all about visiting tourist spots? Nothing regarding self-improvement?

# ¿ Dec 11, 2011 15:51

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Y-Hat posted:

So let me see if I got this right: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo movie spends a whopping 90 minutes with the libel subplot? It doesn't even qualify as a subplot in the book: it's just something that happens at the beginning to get us into the main plot, only to pop up at the end as a way to give the story closure and to remind us that it happened. Overall it takes up less than 50 pages.

It's also there to establish Blomkvist as the Heroic Investigative Journalist Of Heroism. Much in the same way that his business partner is there to establish him as The Greatest Lover In The Western World.

Seriously, I like the books, but Larsson should have just named him Gary Stu.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2011 00:40

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

God, every word of that "The Lorax" plot synopsis made me progressively more depressed. gently caress Hollywood so, so much.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2012 02:16

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Sheldrake posted:

They were supposed to be twins, and the procedure only turned the brother into Quasimodo before his death so that sis could be super pretty and live out her Christian passive aggressive Nicholas Sparks perfection forever and ever.

That's completely loving retarded, and completely ignores the question of why the birth mother would have the abortion that late in the pregnancy anyway.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2012 23:49

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

I'm older than all of you guys? poo poo, I need to get it together.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2012 14:32

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

I'm curious and don't have Facebook, what was the other option?

Never mind, I can't read.

# ¿ Jun 10, 2012 12:50

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

I have to say, I do find it hilarious that people are going on about Pixar having "lost it" because their latest film is merely "pretty darn good" instead of "a triumph of the human spirit".

Incidentally, I thought Merida did learn a lesson, but since it came about twenty minutes before the end, it kinda got lost in the shuffle. OF course, technically, Elinor learns her lesson even before that...

# ¿ Jun 24, 2012 15:24

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

I have to say, I agree more with Keanu Grieves' take on Bane's revolution. It seemed to me that the subtext there was trying to present all self-described populists as anarchists in sheep's clothing who want to tear down society. Even if OWS had never happened, there were strong parallels to the French Revolution, and the whole thing is presented as bad, even the movie's version of the storming of the Bastille. (Historical note: The prisoners in the Bastille were not evil savages and mob bosses.)

Ultimately, I really think it was an expression of the upper class's actual fear of what the lower class would do to them if the power structure were reversed. In that way, it's kind of empowering, knowing that they're that scared of us.

# ¿ Jul 22, 2012 20:13

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

The forces weren't made up of hired mercenaries. They were made up of blue-collar workers.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2012 14:26

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

jeremy oval office posted:

IMDb trivia says they cut his five-minute monologue from the film and used it for viral marketing instead.

http://movieline.com/2012/08/01/total-recall-arnold-schwarzenegger-cameo-ethan-hawke-remake/

Try as I might, I can't find the ad.

Furthermore, it seems like my review might have been wholly incorrect, as this article indicates Wiseman was a teenage fan of Total Recall. Oh well, the finer point still stands: Wiseman's version rips off everything but Verhoeven. Specifically, the scenes to which I was referring which have been "remixed" for this remake are:

- The old-lady disguise. A very similar-looking woman walks through the checkpoint and even says her signature "two weeks" before Quaid is revealed to be the guy behind her.

- The scene in which someone "appears" in the memory to convince Quaid it's all in his head. In the original, Quaid deduced it was really happening because he saw a bead of sweat roll down the doctor's forehead. In this version, it's a single tear running down Jessica Biel's cheek because she's part Native American and even in the future people still litter, I guess.

Verhoeven did a lot of things, but he rarely insulted his audience's intelligence. This time around, it felt like Wiseman didn't trust us to come to our own conclusions. The doctor's explanation, that Quaid is making up his delusion as he goes along, is traded for a less graceful scene this time around, although I like the twist on the Mexican standoff.

Whatevs. Maybe I'm just becoming a bitter old man. Or maybe Wiseman's displaying a little too much hubris by trying to make such a tonally different film. Again, this usually doesn't bother me, but because this remake retains and simplifies the same general story but employs a drastically different (and inferior) aesthetic, Total Recall marks the exception.

See, I think it just boils down to Wiseman being a talentless hack.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2012 22:58

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Just chiming in to note that the Iowa Butter Festival or whatever is a real thing.

# ¿ Oct 7, 2012 16:33

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

I had the exact same reaction as you to Silver Linings Playbook, Ian. FINALLY, an honest movie about living with mental illness.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2012 17:10

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Interesting. If you take Army of Darkness as "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court & Zombies", Sam Raimi was ahead of the curve by about twenty years.

Also, forget Hansel & Gretel, how the gently caress did Movie 43 get made? Did the producers have pictures of all those stars loving goats?

# ¿ Jan 27, 2013 16:19

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Y-Hat posted:

They were probably trying to make Kentucky Fried Movie for a new group of theater-goers. In fact, the Zucker brothers (two of the three people behind KFM) were the original directors for Movie 43 along with Trey Parker and Matt Stone, but both duos dropped out at some point early on.

Then again, maybe Kentucky Fried Movie isn't the best movie to emulate, seeing as one of the sketches is about a daredevil performing the dangerous stunt of shouting "Niggers!" at a group of black men playing dice. Maybe if Movie 43 had a sketch with an excuse to show lots of boobs like KFM did, it would be remembered more fondly.

Now that I think about it, the "character on TV watches two people in reality loving" bit was done in Kentucky Fried Movie, too.

# ¿ Jan 28, 2013 01:37

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Oh my God. I heard the ending to Safe Haven was stupid, but oh my God.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2013 16:31

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

The Addams Family was about wearing your heritage. The Munsters was about assimilating.

# ¿ Feb 18, 2013 19:36

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

I ended up seeing Admission last night, and I was wondering what the take on it here would be. I mostly agree with the review, with two exceptions. I think what the movie's ultimately trying to be about is parents and children, rather than an overt indictment of the admissions process. I mean, the movie does end up acknowledging that what Portia's doing is unethical, and for a very good reason. And it spends more time on those relationships than on making a political point, I thought.

Also, I enjoyed Portia's takedown of the kids at the school, because they were smug little shits. Their thinking didn't go beyond knee-jerk, self-righteous "gently caress the establishment" cliches. Maybe I'm oversensitive to that, having to deal with so many retarded opinions modding GBS, but I enjoyed seeing someone say to them, "Hey, if you really want to make the world a better place, you might want to actually know some poo poo about how it works."

Oh, and I liked Lily Tomlin, but I like Lily Tomlin no matter what she's doing. I'd pay money to see her reading random people's misspelled Tweets for an hour and a half.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2013 16:34

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

And the week after that, Turbo! Because summer 2013 needed more than one movie with a CGI snail, I guess.

# ¿ Jul 2, 2013 13:07

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Frankly, the "his claws are dongs" theory does explain a lot about Wolverine fanboys.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2013 13:32

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

In the book, there are references to incidents with Carrie's powers years before the story starts, but nothing as strong as the post-prom bloodbath. I don't know about the movies.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2013 00:41

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Oh, I don't argue that he has difficulties with women characters. Especially the overbearing mother archetype.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2013 17:24

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Motherfucker...

# ¿ Nov 27, 2013 00:57

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Until they said it was Kevin Kline, I thought it was Richard Dreyfuss.

# ¿ Dec 3, 2013 01:03

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

I don't think the SHIELD show and the Marvel movies are going to be as interconnected as Jay Dub believes. For starters, the much ballyhooed Thor tie-in amounted to "the McGuffin for this episode is an Asgardian artifact, and Peter MacNicol plays an Asgardian we've never seen or heard of before and probably never will again." And we're probably going to find out why Coulson isn't dead this Tuesday. As for Skye, my theory for that is "Amazing Spider-Man Annual 5, without Spider-Man."

I suspect there'll be Easter Eggs, and something HYDRA-themed for a similar Winter Soldier tie-in, but I don't think they're going to let a TV show dictate story points to the movies.

# ¿ Jan 5, 2014 17:13

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

So, you don't mention the whole "brother 'vetting' his sister's boyfriend to see if he's worthy of marrying her is so loving sexist" part of Ride-Along because it's a given, right?

# ¿ Jan 26, 2014 17:10

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

Is is just me, or does Divergent sound like something put together by TVTropes? Mad Libs-style world-building and plotting, special snowflake teenagers, no real ending... I feel like that site has a lot to answer for.

# ¿ Mar 23, 2014 14:59

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

The cognitive dissonance from fundies watching Noah must be delicious. On the one hand, it's God destroying the sinners and saving the virtuous, which is their favorite story ever. On the other hand, EVOLUTION! GLOBAL WARMING! ARRRRRRRRRRGH!

# ¿ Mar 31, 2014 13:56

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 12:32

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

The trailers kind of review it for you. "Here's a movie supposedly about and for women that looks as if no one who worked on it has ever been or known a woman."

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 13:55

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