- pastorrich
- Jun 7, 2008
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Keep on truckin' like a novacane hurricane
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I'm a scriptwriting beginner but I wrote a thing. My friend is studying graphic design and he's good at drawing so we want to do an amateur graphic novel type deal. This is just a basic script so we can do a 2-3 pages illustrated short story before we get into the bigger idea. I tried to write the atmosphere of a situation through dialog. Could someone tell me what they think? Is it too stereotypical, maybe offensive? I am very white.
quote:
INT. – HOMELESS SHELTER – NIGHT
Marty and Brother Jones are standing in line in the cafeteria of an homeless shelter. Marty looks worried as he looks at a sign that says “NO VACANCY TONIGHT”. He turns around as Brother Jones starts talking to him.
BROTHER JONES
I know what you’re thinking. Marty, we’re gonna have a hard time tonight.
Marty gives his plate to the lunch lady. She puts some ham, mashed potatoes and a few carrots in it and gives it back to him.
MARTY
I know man, the weather’s in the poo poo-hole.
Brother Jones gives his plate to the lunch lady and she gives him the same thing. He looks at her.
BROTHER JONES (shouting)
Lady, do you know why they call me Brother Jones?
LUNCH LADY
Well…
BROTHER JONES (cutting her off)
I may be poor, I may be hungry, I may be tired, but I’m still a brother!
LUNCH LADY
I…
BROTHER JONES (cutting her off)
That’s right, ain’t no brother gonna get three carrots on such a cold-rear end night! Gimme some love.
The lunch lady gives him a few more carrots.
BROTHER JONES
Thank you, god bless. Marty, you were saying?
MARTY (laughing)
I was saying I can’t believe how cold this night is. But once again you’re hot as burning coal my friend!
BROTHER JONES (smiling)
Marty, I’d do anything to keep you warm these days.
MARTY
Hey, I need all the help I can get.
pastorrich fucked around with this message at 07:28 on Nov 12, 2012
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Nov 12, 2012 07:24
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May 21, 2024 01:58
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- pastorrich
- Jun 7, 2008
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Keep on truckin' like a novacane hurricane
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Is "Brother Jones" black, and is his friend who refers to him as coal white?
Yes he is. I could make it clearer if it wasn't clear enough.
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Nov 12, 2012 22:28
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- pastorrich
- Jun 7, 2008
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Keep on truckin' like a novacane hurricane
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What is the point of that scene?
To get something worth illustrating as a test. Basically I'm asking if you'd want to read more about the two characters.
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Nov 13, 2012 00:14
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Nov 12, 2012 07:24
