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Rogetz posted:Ok, got a new draft of the webseries up. Reworked based on feedback I've received from different sources and I think it's much stronger now. I'll send it by email rather than hosting it this time. A critique of the synopsis (logline) here is that it doesn't offer anything new or explain how this is different from any other heist movie. "Much more sinister" is vague. What separates this from other offerings in the genre?
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# ¿ Nov 29, 2010 04:22 |
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# ¿ May 3, 2024 13:27 |
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Golden Bee posted:When an actor gets into a role, though, they can really improve it. In my stage play, my director's favorite phrase was "keep it in", which adds a TON of laughs to lines that were really just bridges. Because certainly, this is the sign of a script that could be polished no further.
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# ¿ Dec 13, 2010 08:19 |
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Sporadic posted:The more I write, the more I realize that my strengths are dialog/action and my biggest weakness is description. Not to mention, this is a HUGE amount of text to use in action description. Your formatting is off (characters like LITTLE BOY and GIRL should be in caps the first time they appear on camera) and you typically don't want a block of black text. Paragraphs like that don't read well. I'd suggest breaking it up. You could cut back on your adverbs and bridge phrases to reduce bulk. Present tense is also your friend. So from "The boy is trying his best to catch her while the girl is enjoying being chased" you get "The boy tries to catch her, but the girl enjoys the chase" or "being chased." "Joyfully runs" uses an adverb; try to find a noun that embodies "joyful" without having to explain it. As for describing the environment, you need enough to indicate mood and critical set necessities, but remember, usually you're not directing or designing the costumes or building the sets or storyboarding. And twenty-one pages? Is it supposed to be a short? Feature-length will run anywhere from seventy to a hundred and twenty pages, generally speaking. And I'll tell you one thing, if it's your first screenplay, don't expect gold. It's okay to not be perfect while you're just figuring things out.
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# ¿ Jun 30, 2011 04:16 |
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York_M_Chan posted:I hand wrote my first screenplay, my friend lost it. I think the gods were telling me something. Just like the Ronco Rotisserie, "Set it and forget it." Jesus, why on earth would you hand write a screenplay? How would you even edit it? It may be best to let it scatter to the winds.
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# ¿ Nov 4, 2011 19:39 |
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Death By The Blues posted:Hey! Somewhat new to these forums and if anyone is around and still wanting some feedback I can give a look and try my best to send feedback as quick as possible. Feel free to send it along to plantainmango@gmail.com.
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# ¿ Jan 16, 2012 07:14 |
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I recently relocated to the North Hollywood/Burbank area, and I thought I might ask some questions of our television goons here, if there aren't any objections. Is that kosher in this thread?
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# ¿ Mar 12, 2013 17:31 |
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# ¿ May 3, 2024 13:27 |
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See, now that's useful advice. This one is more of a general question. My writing partner and I are just now getting settled and apartment searching while we live in an extended stay. So, those of you who have worked in TV, how did you go about getting your first couple of jobs? We're looking at applying through some of the major employers in/around Burbank. NBC Universal has a pretty streamlined application site that I just checked out today. I have enough money saved up to basically not do anything for several months, and I'm applying to transfer to a couple of bookstores in the area, but I'd like to focus on getting some entry-level PA stuff to get my feet wet and hopefully start figuring out how things work from the ground floor. So anyone who wants to talk about their beginnings, even in general, would be appreciated. Just to be clear, I'm not asking anyone to find me a job or tell me about job openings. I'm just interested in hearing about how people got started, since there's a bunch of different avenues. We're working on our sitcom spec scripts in the downtime, but that's just a given, I'm assuming.
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# ¿ Mar 14, 2013 05:56 |