Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
The Finn
Aug 27, 2004

إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم
A lot of people in here are regulars or visitors on other soccer forums, or maybe read something insane in a comments section somehwere, but wherever you find your terrible posts about soccer please bring them back here for all of us to laugh at. If you don't want to be grassed up you can paste them unsourced, or if you want to bring attention to somewhere terrible you can do that too. I just ask that this thread remain for bad posts we can all laugh at. IT IS NOT FOR ARGUING ABOUT THE CONTENT. If the content doesn't seem insane enough to be funny to everyone in here, it's not funny enough to post. If it's sort of borderline it's just going to cause annoying slapfights when someone starts the "Well this post isn't that insane if you look at it in the context ofaaaaaaaaaaaa" who cares gently caress you.

In summation:

find really really really bad/crazy/funny posts
post them here
keep your replies light and lmao heavy
an occasional emptyquote is fine
if it's not really out there or you feel like debating a pasted post, turn 360 degrees and walk away from this thread

ok go

Somebody fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Oct 31, 2014

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle
crossposting. any of mine are from the Plymouth Argyle fansite pasoti.co.uk unless otherwise noticed

quote:

I think people need to chill. We need to prove to him we are a viable option as does he need to prove the same to us. He has a great business nature - fair enough some of his dealings have ended a little miserably but he gave Leeds Champions League football, got Cardiff a new stadium, and nearly got them up to the Prem. He knows the ins and outs of a football club, and will put us on the map. I think he deserves a chance, football at this level is very different to those days where money was perhaps easier to come by and 'obtain'. We are in the sh1t, I believe we could do a lot worse.

Outrespective
Oct 9, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
How about fan based blogs like this one?

http://top50honestmistakes.blogspot.com/

quote:

Celtic fans are ridiculed in the media as being paranoid and are told they have no facts to back up their claims. I hope these decisions in the one season 2009/10 and the 1st 3 months of season 2010/11 provide some evidence to at least make sure there is no future seasons with so many “Honest Mistakes.”

I think this falls into the crazy area.

Edit: Maybe it's just too straight crazy and not silly crazy on reflection and re-reading the OP oh well.

Outrespective fucked around with this message at 06:30 on Nov 26, 2010

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle
are off-topic posts from other football forums kosher because loving hell

The Finn
Aug 27, 2004

إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

Iggy Pop Barker posted:

are off-topic posts from other football forums kosher because loving hell

Let's steer clear of anything non-football, it will make the thread weird and stupid really fast

w00bi
Dec 11, 2004

Youtube Comment from Terry-Bridge Handshake posted:

john terry hosed wayne bridge's wife whie they were teammates in chealea, so instead of not giving him a hand shae i woud have snatched his balls and make him eat them

Wonder what he'd do with the shaft.


edit: Sure.

w00bi fucked around with this message at 07:13 on Nov 26, 2010

Total Meatlove
Jan 28, 2007

:japan:
Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;
Can we at least make sure to put the site in the post or quote?

pasoti.co.uk posted:

I'm so sorry IPB

works better than

quote:

john terry hosed wayne bridge's wife whie they were teammates in chealea, so instead of not giving him a hand shae i woud have snatched his balls and make him eat them

sorry for the nitpick

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010

owlstalk.co.uk posted:

file://localhost/var/mobile/Media/DCIM/100APPLE/IMG_0920.MOV

try this , it's the first time I've downloading anything so not sure if it works, let me know if it does as I have another one as well

owlstalk.co.uk - later posted:

I really must protest to the most highest echelons of Owlstalk...I was stood with hardly any battery left ...3 pints of stella inside me and a bladder problem that only Owlstalkers over 50 will understand , to bring to you breaking news...notwithstanding these problems both technological and urological , i did me best.
I then suffered 90 minutes , sat in me own fvckin' p*ss, in the freeezin' cold due to the latter problem i mentioned...and i get slated for not being Quentin tarantino?
you can all fvck off in future...
ba*tards!

Breath Ray fucked around with this message at 11:11 on Nov 26, 2010

mfcrocker
Jan 31, 2004



Hot Rope Guy

Iggy Pop Barker posted:

are off-topic posts from other football forums kosher because loving hell

Never, ever venture onto a Devon-based forum's social chat. It's a leftie's nightmare :gonk:

I'll have a dig through Exeweb if I get bored at work and see what I can dredge up.

Trin Tragula
Apr 22, 2005

http://www.chelseafcforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=4753

quote:

personally me started after 1st game in uefa champions league vs barcelona 2005 on camp nou,ever since i became true blue

quote:

World Cup 2006, i watched football from 1998 till 2003, 2003 got caught up in wrestling
Back to football at 2006 world cup time (didn't even know that chelsea was 2 times champions)
All the players i loved from the world cup:

Robben (Scored first goal for Netherlands against Serbia and Montenegro)
Ballack (My fav player since 2002)
Drogba (saw him captaining ivory coast)
Lampard (Always liked him, saw him in england shirt never knew he was a chelsea player before 2006)
Joe Cole (That Awesome goal against sweden)

I was catching international football from 03-06 but new nothing about clubs, all the players i liked were in chelsea including cech, so i decided to become a Chelsea Supporter

2006-2007, 2007-2008, 2008-2009, 2009-10 and forever....

quote:

fan since the facup 2007 final
just loved the way they played when i didnt know about ne of the teams past
loved the goal n the players were awsome and ofcourse the special one would always be remembered

quote:

First Chelsea game that i watched was against Bolton,38 fixture i think in 2005.I was young at that time,10 years,and didnt get it why Chelsea won a title because of one game only hahahahahhaa lol
And since then i am Chelsea fan

quote:

Ever since I saw the game: Chelsea - Man United 5-0 in 1999 when I was 9 years old. Still remember Poyet scoring :P I remembered this moment so long but I only not so far ago looked up the game I became blue. Never knew when it was til not far ago. Well 11 years for me soon! :o Btw, never supported another team then Chelsea and Djurgården.

But I still like a lot of other teams

And my father hates them and he hates all english clubs witch makes me more hardcore

i told u i was hardcore

quote:

for me it all started when i played on SEGA consul Fifa 98 or 99 (dont remeber actually) :D I played EPL season mode and picked Chelsea, i liked blue colour. I was heard about Zola but didnt know anything also. And I started to wathc games at 2002 or 2003 year when i gotta PC. I didnt watch games regulary, but in next season i becomed hard core fan

quote:

fifa 01 got me into football, before i liked it but after i lvoed it, i remember i had a lazio team where all the players on my 11 were striekrs except keeper who was kahn, bergkamp, baggio, ronaldo(was called #9), crespo, henry, nvm i remember i had veron starting as well, i would score 10+ goals on hardest, iw asnt that good but i knew all teh glitches and tricks to ebating the computer, my brother always beat me though, and i remember they had world cup feature on fifa back then, now they have seperate game, assholes

quote:

Chelsea supporter from 2007 when we beat real 2:1 at Santiago bernabeu or at bridge dont know for sure that made my day and off course fa Cup against man u same year it made even more sweeter but shame we didn't win the league.

All of these people are without a doubt true blue

Loving Africa Chaps
Dec 3, 2007


We had not left it yet, but when I would wake in the night, I would lie, listening, homesick for it already.

Trin Tragula posted:

http://www.chelseafcforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=4753






i told u i was hardcore




All of these people are without a doubt true blue

ahahahaha, all are amazing

this though:

quote:

personally me started after 1st game in uefa champions league vs barcelona 2005 on camp nou,ever since i became true blue

perfection

Ho Chi Meeeeee
Jun 13, 2008

let me shovel out your brains
hang my image in your skull
so I can be the vision
in your nightmares from now on

Breath Ray posted:



Lol poor guy has to pee every 5 minutes.

the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009
Here come some posts from the fans of Everyone's Favourite Team

quote:

my ban is nearly up 12/12/10 or this is the date the courts at carlisle gave me a 3 yr ban......but my card says feb 2011....do you get a letter telling you when its up? cheers

quote:

sorry for being a nosey twat mate, but what was banning order for ?

quote:

criminal damage

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle

pasoti.co.uk posted:


A glimer of positivity - in a couldren of depression.

I may have missed something, about Mr Ridsdale, and the comments of supporters.

I know he comes across as a bit of a 'Del Boy', but when he was at Leeds were they not in the Premiership? And at Cardiff, didnt he save them and take them to their new stadium?

He may have left a tangled mess in his trail, but those 2 clubs are going strong at this moment in time.


board needs a sticky reading "It's Peter loving Ridsdale" asap

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
Champion's League to championship is going strong clearly

HOT BRITISH SEX
Jun 12, 2007

She's just coming, sir.
From the comments on this article: Scottish referees seek points deductions for clubs who abuse officials.

quote:

WE ARE THE PEOPLE SUCK ON IT SOME STATUS QUO , OK FOR YEARS NOT TO SIGN A CATHOLIC PLAYER AND MOST OF BY YOUR POST AGREE WITH THIS SO WHAT DOES THIS MAKE YOU .CANT SEEM TO READ CELTIC HAD A BEEF ON DALLAS ? DID HE SEND NEIL LENNON AN E MAIL TOO .

:psyduck:

DrWrestling69
Feb 4, 2008

Tracyanne...

HOT BRITISH SEX posted:

From the comments on this article: Scottish referees seek points deductions for clubs who abuse officials.


:psyduck:
Ladies and Gentleman.....As of a retired gentry, I did post last week something sensational would break... what you have got this weekend is nothing....Remember one thing Hugh Dallas was sacked and so were 5 others..why ? Scottish football IS corrupt....FACT.....ONE team in Scotland are the team....AND before you think they are all dafties singing songs at the game..forget it.. its men high up in Scottish society.

THE SOONER SCOTTISH FOOTBALL RIDS ITSELF OF MEN WHO THINK MORE OF PLACES TO MEET AND ENJOY THEIR COMPANY ...gET MY MEANING ?

Sorry for the rant.....

Question for Walter Smith...fancy managing a non RANGERS ?...NO didn't think so ......You couldn't lace Eddie Turnbulls boots

the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009

Scott posted:

The White Pele is back, within two minutes he sets up Berbatov...

Class is permanent, a true inspiration to all...

Bergkamp10 posted:

how can you still love Rooney after the way he Treated UTD,you wanna be ashamed of yourself,Rooney is a MERCANERY and a TRAITOR the way he Be-Littled UTD Fergie should have Booted him out like he did with Beckham,Stam and Van Nistelrooy he have never allowed player power at UTD untill now, it proves SHREK is bigger than UTD, Fergie Bottled it big time.

Scott posted:

HOW can you still Love Fabregas? He is DESPERATE to leave...DESPERATE!

Bergkamp10 posted:

i dont love him, wenger should out him in jan if he wants to go, get rid i say,at lease we are not going to be stuck with a MERCANERY who only thinks of himself and not the club fans or players like your are,plus Rooneys taking UTd for all they got,i hope your happy with that.cos i wouldnt be.

Scott posted:

But seriously...Who cares about you?

Bergkamp10 posted:

you want to be ashamed of yourself,you aint a True UTD fan because the True UTD fans will never forgive SHREK,your just a Glory Hunter who dont care what happens to his club as long as they win

Scott posted:

I've been going to United for 35 years...

But seriously AGAIN...WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?

Bergkamp10 posted:

you havent been going to watch UTD for 35 years now way,your a liar, your just a GLORY HUNTING NUMPTY

Scott posted:

You're right, it's actually more...

Why are you laughing at yourself? Are you lonely?
I keep saying "I don't care what you say", I still don't...and yet you continue to speak to me, just to let you know, I'm Married, I'm not Gay and not interested in developing any sort of relationship with you...

Bergkamp10 posted:

your just a SAD WUM who lives on his own and supports what ever team is on top,you LOSER

WUM = Wind-Up Merchant

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS

The Wum Killer posted:

You are correct Scott has been exposed before (by united fans) as a playstation boy who supports Man Utd from his bedroom.

More Worryingly he is also still being breast-fed.

Scott posted:

The Down Syndrome man has returned!

Bergkamp10 posted:

i bet your SHREKS love child

God Bless You 606 Forums

mfcrocker
Jan 31, 2004



Hot Rope Guy

Iggy Pop Barker posted:

board needs a sticky reading "It's Peter loving Ridsdale" asap

Not gonna happen, the guy who owns it posted this:

pasoti posted:

Went to a St Luke Charity do last night at Home Park, they're all down this weekend, Synan, SRG, Todd and Tom Kristensen etc etc.

One of the people told me that the opening gambit of Ridsdale's presentation was to say that the incumbent board had got it wrong, the WC bid, the ground, the property deal was all of secondary importance to what happens on the pitch.

If the team is right, all the rest will follow.

I'm not going to pass anything else on (not that it was that interesting to be honest) but that opening gambit alone, leaves to me believe that whatever happens, Ridsdale has more football nous in his little finger than Toddy has in his entire body.

There was definitely an air of 'we will get through this' last night, not from the spin doctors, but people who genuinely believe it.

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle

bigfatspacko_uk posted:

Not gonna happen, the guy who owns it posted this:

almost posted that one too. choking at the logic "well, he's put two different teams' existence in peril, and cost Barnsley Premier League outgoings in agent's fees while they were still midtable League One, but he's given us a nice empty soundbite. Ridsdale in"

We're completely hosed, should just throw in the towel and promote Kevin Hodges into the grown-ups chair again, let him get the old gang back together - Glen Crowe, Barrington Belgrave, Jason Peake, Phil Starbuck. Why stop there, literally bring back Dan Macauley to make THE CHAOS DEAL and finally deliver on his threats to end are club

w00bi
Dec 11, 2004

BBC Live Text posted:

From calumfield on Twitter: "Dear Mr Abramovich, please don't sack, hire, buy or sell anyone. This is just a bad patch. Love, Chelsea fans xx"

Followed by

BBC Live Text posted:

From Anon, on text: "Dear Mr Abramovich, please sell Ramires, Mikel and Kalou and buy Schweinsteiger and a new winger. Not good enough today but we still love you. Love Chelsea fans XXX."

:psyduck: Jesus.

(The second is what I'm talking about, the first is just to show a sane comparison)

w00bi fucked around with this message at 22:17 on Nov 28, 2010

Ungratek
Aug 2, 2005


w00bi posted:

Followed by


:psyduck: Jesus.

Seems a reasonable request

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

Spurs interactive messageboard posted:

Merseyside stunned by the shooting of Lennon.

HOT BRITISH SEX
Jun 12, 2007

She's just coming, sir.
^^^ :lol:

Some guy's signature on a Hearts forum:

quote:

Tickets this way to the Gorgie Express! Come and watch Easter Road pikeys making a mess of the lives they were given by inbreds from Leith! And Hibs, they're convinced, they are actually Brazil... What sounds on earth could EVER replace Hibs fans talking p!sh? Or Old firm fans in yer face... 'cause this, is why we reckon - and me included - is why pubs and Hearts were kindly invented, we are the Hears so lets go f*ckn mental! These are Gorgies BASIC essentials! We're worth every penny for grinding hibs axes (It’s 109 now you know)... We poo poo on Hibs heads,and, Vlad pays the taxes! Imagine Scotland without Gorgies buccaneers, who'll cum on your face for the price of a beer, we’ll drink all the whiskey and Newcastle Brown...the gorgie boys are in town! Make the Old firm history! Cheaper beer now! Make Hibs history! Cheaper beer now! Heh heh heh heh... scatter! Partay, we are the Gorgieeeeee!!!.

Yep.

Couch
May 16, 2004

COME ON TOT!
From Bluemoon re: Spurs

mancio posted:

they just are on steroids.

EPL is a joke if they dont do better doping tests

mancio posted:

ATM they are on doping

in time will see

mancio posted:

just becouse i have got an experience against the late 90th juventus. that was the only side i never seen in my life having players able to run as the spurs run after over 90 minutes of play. but then the doctor of that juventus was sentenced by a court of the Italian republic.

or you think that lennon the 93th minute was running so quick because he trains most of the blues?

mancio posted:

your players are on doping mate . you should pray for their future healthy if you love them.

mancio posted:

they are doped as much as your brain has been washed from spot of sky tv.

mancio posted:

maybe i'm a rag

and maybe you are child who dont undestand nothing about football (= a rag)

we never will know the truth.

so i PMSL (and if you dont understand it mean i'm pissing myself laughing while i read your posts)

mfcrocker
Jan 31, 2004



Hot Rope Guy
Hey guys are you bored of Plymouth idiots yet? I'm not, it's funny as gently caress

pasoti posted:

I want to see Argyle play in the top division of English football. That's what we all aspire to when we first set out on the rocky road of supporting this club, isn't it? I remember my dad telling me at my first match that 'same old Argyle' had never reached the top flight, and I also remember thinking - as kids do - that it would be different in my lifetime. That somehow, something would happen on my watch to make me the lucky one, where my great-grandad, grandad and dad (so far) before me had missed out.

And yet 23 years later, we're 21 places further down the ladder than we were on that summer's day in 1987, in financial meltdown and further away from my dream than ever.

I look at Cardiff City and I see a club destined for the top flight - we all know it's going to happen sooner or later. That won't ever be Argyle if we continue the Ivor Dewdney approach; not being over-ambitious, living within our means, don't ruffle any feathers, know our place.

Well forgive me if I've had enough of that. We tried the softly, softly, organic approach and it got us the same place it always has in the past - nowhere. If Ridsdale can come in and annoy the p*ss out of us with his spin and false promises, I'll be able to live with it if he leaves us with a new stadium and playoff regulars in the Championship.

Call me a sell-out, I don't care. Seeing Argyle in the top flight of English football is one of the few things in life I would sell my soul to the devil for. If Peter Ridsdale is that devil, then so be it.

HOT BRITISH SEX
Jun 12, 2007

She's just coming, sir.
I too would sell my soul for the chance to visit Stoke.

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle

bigfatspacko_uk posted:

Hey guys are you bored of Plymouth idiots yet? I'm not, it's funny as gently caress

came here to quote this exact post. kill me. wrrrrrrrrrr

ReleasetheKracker!
Oct 8, 2010

by Ozmaugh
I feel like a comparatively good poster now.

Fists Up
Apr 9, 2007

I'm taking note of all the posters names so we can do a comparison in 12-24 months time.

the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009
I wanna try and find some good el clasico posts but I don't speak spanish :(

Outrespective
Oct 9, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

SteadfastMeat posted:

I wanna try and find some good el clasico posts but I don't speak spanish :(

Just check out the la liga thread on something awful.

the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009

Outrespective posted:

Just check out the la liga thread on something awful.

there's only so many brap3 posts you can put in one thread

chuggo is BACK
Jul 1, 2008




"Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

Iggy Pop Barker posted:

came here to quote this exact post. kill me. wrrrrrrrrrr

"the ivor dewdney approach" is loving amazing

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle
also the best possible band name ever

chuggo is BACK
Jul 1, 2008




"Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014
sell your soul to ridsdale and things'll get nasty
just keep it hometown like ivor and his pasties

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle

Chuggo posted:

sell your soul to ridsdale and things'll get nasty
just keep it hometown like ivor and his pasties

lmao if you haven't got a work-in-progress screenplay about the tensions in the Dewdney family over Ivor and Ron's rival companies and the battle for the key pitches outside Home Park.

chuggo is BACK
Jul 1, 2008




"Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

Iggy Pop Barker posted:

lmao if you haven't got a work-in-progress screenplay about the tensions in the Dewdney family over Ivor and Ron's rival companies and the battle for the key pitches outside Home Park.

im too busy working on Soft-Boiled: The Eggbuckland Story about the expansion over that big hill

Eric Cantonese
Dec 21, 2004

You should hear my accent.
http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=252674.msg6536730#msg6536730

quote:

While we are taking poems as inspiration and not being worried about their political origins. This poem would sum up the siege mentality of Rafa's situation for me.

There's an inner thing in every man,
Do you know this thing my friend?
It has withstood the blows of a million years,
And will do so to the end.

It was born when time did not exist,
And it grew up out of life,
It cut down evil's strangling vines,
Like a slashing searing knife.

It lit fires when fires were not,
And burnt the mind of man,
Tempering leandened hearts to steel,
From the time that time began.

It wept by the waters of Babylon,
And when all men were a loss,
It screeched in writhing agony,
And it hung bleeding from the Cross.

It died in Rome by lion and sword,
And in defiant cruel array,
When the deathly word was 'Spartacus'
Along the Appian Way.

It marched with Wat the Tyler's poor,
And frightened lord and king,
And it was emblazoned in their deathly stare,
As e'er a living thing.

It smiled in holy innocence,
Before conquistadors of old,
So meek and tame and unaware,
Of the deathly power of gold.

It burst forth through pitiful Paris streets,
And stormed the old Bastille,
And marched upon the serpent's head,
And crushed it 'neath its heel.

It died in blood on Buffalo Plains,
And starved by moons of rain,
Its heart was buried at Wounded Knee,
But it will come to rise again.

It screamed aloud by Kerry lakes,
As it was knelt upon the ground,
And it died in great defiance,
As they coldly shot it down.

It is found in every light of hope,
It knows no bounds nor space
It has risen in red and black and white,
It is there in every race.

It lies in the hearts of heroes dead,
It screams in tyrants' eyes,
It has reached the peak of mountains high,
It comes searing 'cross the skies.

It lights the dark of this prison cell,
It thunders forth its might,
It is 'the undauntable thought', my friend,
The thought that says 'I'm right!'

Does quoting bad lyrics count? This had me cringing.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Painkiller
Jan 30, 2005

You think the truth will set you free...

HOT BRITISH SEX posted:

^^^ :lol:

Some guy's signature on a Hearts forum:


Yep.

Not sure if you know but that's based off the opening credits to Shameless. Still pretty mental though.


From http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/gordonfarquhar/2010/11/whats_a_world_cup_worth.html

quote:

10. At 1:16pm on 30 Nov 2010, adrenilenepotato wrote:

i just want to ask,football is a business now so why does england have to answer to fifa as england invented this game,if you invent a new product people are not allowed to copy but it can pay royalites to the inventor,fifa started this bull by saying it is a world game and belongs to everyone,this is not true,then fifa make huge amounts of money from our world cup and "invest" it into thier personal bank accounts

can someone tell me why fifa have so much power and why did england not bri ng this up

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply