Lets All Play Battletech and rewrite Inner Sphere history

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Lets All Play Battletech and rewrite Inner Sphere history

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TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Fraction Jackson posted:

I'm aware that you probably didn't, but I felt compelled to say it anyway. Either incarnation belongs on the list though.

The funny thing is, the FedSuns have a system in place for exactly that sort of thing - and it's much better than a JumpShip Pony Express - but I'm not sure exactly when it came into being in the canon.

I know. That was my way of retconning it so that I invented it.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 04:58

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# ¿ May 13, 2024 20:01

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

PoptartsNinja posted:

Duncan Marik is a mystery to everyone right now.

Are you proposing some kind of Romeo/Mercutio thing involving Duncan and Hanse?

Hey PTN, how do you want us to approach our piloting? Do you want us to just handle playing BT and you'll handle the storyline or is there room for some pilot-based storytelling?

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 05:46

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Longinus00 posted:

Maybe Hanse can be the King James of battletech!

But seriously, are there any gay characters in battletech?

I was thinking he could be more of a Richard C�ur de Lion

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 05:56

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Volmarias posted:

Doesn't the fluff with the clans specifically have (hetero) sexual encounters though?

That shouldn't stop our pilots from actively promoting the opposite... on the com channels... during the fight.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 06:13

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

B - Miller's Marauders because he's right.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 18:43

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

I'll also switch from Miller's to the Death Commandos.

Can we get some Death Commando recruitment material to help set the mood?

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 21:01

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Defiance Industries posted:

I've never liked them. They just try way too hard; it's like a 13-year-old's first custom merc unit.

-Their name. "Death Commandos." One step up from the Blood Killguys.
-Their paint scheme? All black.
-Their custom rules? "No special abilities work on us. Also we can field any machine we want no matter what."
-And of course, not only are they all elite MechWarriors who can do WHATEVER THEY WANT TO ANYBODY but they're also all elite anti-Mech infantrymen and special ops commando guys.

I always thought that was just the propaganda and that really they were just like every other dastardly political unit... Not quite military aces but extremely loyal and amoral.

I just want to play Space North Korea.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 21:05

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Axe-man posted:

I had a long recruitment post for the death commandos but then i clicked off to verify some of the writing of the CC and lost it all

You could have at least claimed it was censored.

Sheesh, talk about missed opportunity combo.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 21:59

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

inflatablefish posted:

This picture really calls for a Rocky montage. With Battlemechs.

The Atlas getting up early eating raw eggs...

The Atlas blasting some beef with its autocannon...

The Atlas running up some steps...

# ¿ Feb 5, 2011 02:53

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Chance II posted:

gently caress this is the best I could do. Mechs are hard to draw. No wonder they look so goofy in the source books.

That's gonna get so much use...

Now what about running up the steps of 1 ComStar Plaza?

# ¿ Feb 5, 2011 04:49

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Terrifying Effigies posted:

Jesus, what sort of death camp did you end up at, Max Liao's Happy Funtime Correctional Facility for War Orphans and the Criminally Young?

Hey, whoa, that's actually just a funny name, okay, MLHFCFWOCY is actually extremely enjoyable and builds important life skills. In fact, it's so great that liking it is state-mandated.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2011 15:26

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Defiance Industries posted:

In the 31st century trees have evolved.

Oh, that's beautiful.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2011 06:12

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Mukaikubo posted:

I figure this would be a fine place to canvass for interest: Would I be able to get five (maybe ten including backups) goons to play http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/3966/the-succession-wars if I ran a game in this forum? It is pretty similar to Axis and Allies in some ways, only it is the Succession Wars. I should add that the rulebook is scanned and posted on that same site, since the publisher has been out of business since the first bush presidency.

Yeah, I'd play.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2011 18:15

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

May I humbly suggest that PTN wrap up this Battletech thing so that he can get to LPing a real man's game.

# ¿ Mar 13, 2011 19:07

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Zaodai posted:

~~C) Ford the River~~

A. Murder and deception is all the Cappellans are good at, so we might as well play to their strengths.

You're going to have crazy people in charge no matter who is in power, might as well be the one you're sleeping with.

I agree, A, kill Maximilian Liao with a cleverly engineered river-fording accident.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2011 06:42

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

"It looks to only be about 4 feet deep, my lord."

# ¿ Mar 22, 2011 06:58

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Should we start bidding for the right to play Max in the next scenario? Because I'll throw an Awesome and an entire case of crazygonuts into the batchall.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2011 20:32

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Affi posted:

So i've got another Clan question, so in this alternate universe there are only two warder clans right? Blood Spirits and Goliath Scorpion. And the only dead clans are Wolf and Wolverine right? So what happens when the Inner Sphere stops these four clans? Will the remaining 13 invade? That'd be hilariously bad at a 2025 techlevel.

Not really, because in 2025 we'll have cruise missiles and vehicles armed with weapons with an effective range of 25-500x that of clan battlemechs, so I think they'll do alright. 3025 tech levels would get squashed, on the other hand.

# ¿ Mar 23, 2011 18:49

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

I like how every plan put forth in the last 100+ posts revolve around the assumption (hope?) that Clan warriors are complete morons.

Edit: Morons who resemble this guy.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2011 16:33

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Trast posted:

It's the hair that puts it over the top.

You're just saying that because your own avatar most resembles half a pair of mech cajones.

Oh, and that's not hair, that's just what laser heatsinks look like.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2011 01:35

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

PoptartsNinja posted:

An Artillery hit to an engine spot is bad news; if it puts the pilot into a position where he has to eject, he dies instantly.

Waitaminute, what? The ejection system would have to be literally simultaneous to the damage for that to make any sense.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2011 01:53

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

PoptartsNinja posted:

No, see... the ~~shockwaves~~ space magic from an artillery hit to the engine causes your pilot to spontaneously combust and while simultaneously turning into a delicious, gooey pudding-like substance. Also, neural-feedback.

Oh, that's right. After reviewing my calculations, I noticed that I forgot to carry the space magic.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2011 01:58

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Let's all keep in mind that by inventing Steiner Rules, just so a single commander could buy some time for a practically meaningless fight, you've ensured that an entire army of honor-obsessed invaders will never trust anyone with a Steiner fist on their mech, ever again.

Unless, of course, John Belushi-Steiner can manage to convince his entire empire to play along--sounds like the plot of a really cheesy 80s movie.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2011 04:01

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

Actually, all that hot air Slaan mentioned means that the parachute may actually push up for a few moments, potentially moving the ejection seat laterally away from the fire.

According to that logic, Caesar Steiner could use a parachute to travel the world. That is, if his tremendous bulk doesn't get him stuck in his mech's ejection chute.

drat, I wish we could have a series of humiliating/cheesy Caesar "Slob" Steiner cartoons...

TildeATH fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Apr 13, 2011

# ¿ Apr 13, 2011 18:43

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

I just noticed something.

Indeed, sir, that's the same fine piece of cinema wherein my earlier quote did originate.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2011 21:20

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Mukaikubo posted:

I question your choice of words.

Barely conscious just doesn't have quite the ring to it.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2011 02:58

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Tempest_56 posted:

This may seem crazy, but... Muk? Step down a level into partial cover.

Your leg is super vulnerable at this point. Move so you're on a lower level and the leg is protected by the hill. Force the Clanner to either kick you in the strong leg or in a partial. You lose that leg and you're not really boned any worse than a headkick. In partial, you've got a 5/6ths chance of survival - normally, it's a 100% chance of going down.

You want him to back up into a level change with two broken foot actuators? What's the piloting check on that, a 47?

# ¿ Apr 18, 2011 20:44

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

PoptartsNinja posted:

The Zeus has lost 2 foot actuators, it's a 2/3/0 right now.

Of course, what Muk should do is back up, thereby falling on purpose and likely getting a TKO on the survival turn limit as he tries to get up.

It's totally cheating, but that's about the only real chance he has of using up those turns.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2011 20:53

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

KnoxZone posted:

Turn 19: Mukai shoots the Lucerne, does solid damage, but fails to destroy mech.

Turn 20: The Lucerne and the Mugger open fire with everything. The Zeus is vaporized. Mission Failed.

Nice format.

Turn 19: Back up, fall down.
Turn 20: Stand up, get kicked
Turn 21: Win, make snappy comments about buying time

# ¿ Apr 18, 2011 21:08

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

PoptartsNinja posted:

Marik Rules would have the players shooting at each other for twenty turns while the Clans stand there wondering what the gently caress is going on. Also, a nuke will be involved that only judicious use of machineguns will save everyone from.

Are you saying the machineguns are used to shoot down the nuclear explosion coming at you, because I can totally get behind this.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2011 21:27

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Mukaikubo posted:

At this point, I think explaining my rationale (as I did to PTN in a PM) might help things. Or it might set everything on fire with YOU IDIOT MUKAI again. Who can say?

At this point I am down to trying to pick the least worst of a veritable bouquet of feces for an order. Do I come about and push him down the hill, knowing that I will lose a leg on a roll of, oh, 5 or more for his attack on a 2d6 and THEN fall and take damage- with a 50/50 shot of knocking me out? While hoping he fails a PSR at 4 to fall down himself to keep him from coming after me quite so effectively on turn 20? Do I run into the open and deliver one last pair of punches hoping for an absolute miracle to blow half his torso apart and make him fail a consciousness check from the damage? Or do I backflop into the burning woods while making what appears to be a good faith effort to present a more heavily armored section of my mech to his foot- a valid action in a duel- and hope I can stand up on turn 20 and give him one last boot before the time limit ends and just hope like hell none of my falls end the game via unconsciousness?

I passed the point of having options I liked about 10 turns ago. At this point, it is clawing for turns- and I figure this is still the least worst option. Despite the second guessing; which, I should note, is totally fine. In the end, I had to pick an action that might end the game for myself. Because I figured the odds were very, very marginally better of winning if I did. No regrets.

Does it involve machineguns or machinegun ammo? Otherwise, you're a fool.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2011 21:31

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Accept Mysterious Contract

I don't believe it possible to do otherwise.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 01:04

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

PoptartsNinja posted:

Hours for the little ones. Days for the big ones. A dropship is not a "hop in and head into space" sort of ship. They can be launched in a hurry, but that's usually just a good way to discover someone left a cargo hatch open on the Fiesta deck.

Wouldn't be much of a Fiesta Deck if it didn't have that open-air feel...

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 01:06

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Is there really anyone in this thread who doesn't know what the giant black rectangles are at this point?

In fact, I think PTN should pull the old switcheroo and have the clans deploy black rectangles of death instead. Now, that would be surprising.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 02:49

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Zaodai posted:

No... NOOOOOO!

I think everyone keeps voting for A because A looks like two <REDACTII> making sweet, stand-up love.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 03:07

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

I would find it terribly amusing if PTN decided that the black rectangles were actually orbital bombardment. Yeah, a "star" of naval PPC would make all the redacted talk much more appropriate.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 04:53

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Longinus00 posted:

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the JVN-10N is the original Javelin.

I'm still jumping everywhere I go.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2011 17:25

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Felime posted:

Don't be silly. Just stainless.

Baritone announcer voice:

"In humanity's grimdark distant future, only a race of genetically-engineered supersoldiers and a mysterious cult to an ancient technology have access to high-quality, low-cost cookware."

Cut to Will Smith cooking up a plate of eggs on a rusty, cast-iron skillet. "Aw, hell no!"

# ¿ Apr 21, 2011 18:47

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Felime posted:

Don't knock cast iron, that poo poo's perfect for eggs, unless cooking oil is lostech too.

It's just a movie, I don't need your cookware sperging, man!

# ¿ Apr 21, 2011 19:25

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# ¿ May 13, 2024 20:01

TildeATH: Oct 21, 2010; by Lowtax

Mastigophoran posted:

I do not know why I have created this. But I have.

I feel that, with names like these, we should be painted up like the US Mail.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2011 20:36

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Lets All Play Battletech and rewrite Inner Sphere history

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