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Hahaha, Mr. Blackstock was thinking of the OP when riding that dildo.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:07
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roundmidnight posted:No, we're going to need your very own thread for this one. A thousand times this. Any of my  moments pale in comparison to Mr. Blackstock.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:08
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I was about 12 years old and at my friend Ben's house. His dad was out of town and his mom had left us alone while she went to work. Ben had gotten his computer taken away for failing a test or something, but he knew his dad had hidden the power cable, mouse, and keyboard somewhere in his room. We wanted to play Wolfenstein 3D, damnit, so we searched his room for the hidden items. At one point, I was looking deep underneath his bed, and I stumbled on some pretty nasty S&M porn with someone tied up and getting fisted on the first page I looked at. I showed Ben and looking back, I probably scarred him for life. I didn't even know what I was looking at, I'd never heard of anything like it.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:10
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roundmidnight posted:At least Mr. Blackstock didn't spend those 3 years alone, right? He had a friend.  Was going to add some poop stains but decided to take the high road.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:11
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Though I can't top the OP...I do have a story that actually does have something to do with uncles and the Klan. During Black History month, we had Moreese Bickham come to my school to talk to us (his granddaughter went to school with us, I believe). For some reason he came to talk to us during our math class. After he left, our math teacher began to talk to us about the persecution of African-Americans. One of the girls in our class, the type who only came to school for the minimum number of days she could before she couldn't graduate, piped up dreamily, "My great-uncle is a member of the KKK..." Cue the entire room going silent. The teacher stared at her slack-jawed, and asked quietly, "Do you mean...Triple A?" "Nope, the KKK." 
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Apr 11, 2011 09:11
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modify_evolution posted:they sent us this girl's entire bloody, fungussy toenail. It still had skin attached. My mouth started watering as I was trying to cut the toenail with our cheap disposable scissors. They kept scraping blood clots and skin off instead of cutting the nail. Hungry at work?
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Apr 11, 2011 09:13
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Casimir Radon posted:
I can't laughing at the thought of this, I really can't. Do I need some medical attention now? I think I may vomit from laughter.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:13
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shotgunbadger posted:I think we can do without the kid porn, pretty self explanatory there. Don't worry, I have no desire to tell the kiddie porn story. . .mostly because it's literally not much more complicated than "Dude checked out, I went to check the room, found a box of kiddie porn." And the cocaine story isn't interesting at all. Guy checks out, leaves behind a pile of coke on the nightstand, I scoop it into a few baggies, and my friends and I don't sleep for about a week. That's pretty much it.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:14
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JoeyVapes posted:And the cocaine story isn't interesting at all. Guy checks out, leaves behind a pile of coke on the nightstand, I scoop it into a few baggies, and my friends and I don't sleep for about a week. That's pretty much it. Well nice to hear there were some perks then. ninja edit: had to take that first part out of the quote because...yea...don't wanna confuse the two.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:15
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Hobo Pyro posted:Though I can't top the OP...I do have a story that actually does have something to do with uncles and the Klan. I remember getting into a shouting match in high school with a girl who couldn't understand why what Hitler did was wrong. She kept insisting, "but they're only Jews" and delightful insights like "they're cheap".
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Apr 11, 2011 09:16
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spregalia posted:Hungry at work? Usually, yes (I get confused when a bit of lung tissue looks like a shrimp). But that one was pre-puke salivating.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:17
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JoeyVapes posted:Don't worry, I have no desire to tell the kiddie porn story. . .mostly because it's literally not much more complicated than "Dude checked out, I went to check the room, found a box of kiddie porn." a) Who leaves a pile of coke behind? b) Who is uses coke they found left behind in someone's hotel room?
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Apr 11, 2011 09:17
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Casimir Radon posted:
You brilliant bastard, sir. This made my night.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:18
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TotallyGreen posted:b) Who is uses coke they found left behind in someone's hotel room? Hey, don't look a gift horse in the
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Apr 11, 2011 09:19
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TotallyGreen posted:a) Who leaves a pile of coke behind? I don't know how many coke users you know, but they're not a detail oriented group, and the people who use coke left behind are people who like to party.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:20
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TotallyGreen posted:a) Who leaves a pile of coke behind? a) You'd be amazed at the things people leave behind in hotels. b) Me, in my very early 20's.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:20
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Someone make :mrblackstock: Also: who WOULDN'T do found coke? What are you saying, you'd throw it?
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Apr 11, 2011 09:23
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Impropaganda posted:Someone make :mrblackstock: Personally I don't think anyone wants to go anywhere near a Mr. Blackstock.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:25
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shotgunbadger posted:I don't know how many coke users you know, but they're not a detail oriented group, and the people who use coke left behind are people who like to party. Yeah, I mean, I know I shouldn't be shocked or anything, and I'm not really anti-drugs or anything (god knows I did enough at times) but I'd have never, ever, touched coke some dude I didn't know left behind in a hotel room. That said, I don't want to detract from the OPs other, horrifying yet awesome, stories. Also, sleeping is going to be interesting tonight. *please don't dream, please don't dream*
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Apr 11, 2011 09:25
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Impropaganda posted:Someone make :mrblackstock: Even if you don't use it, sell that poo poo. You work at a seedy, shitbag hotel. I doubt finding willing buyers is that difficult. Hell, one of the hookers would buy it in 3 seconds.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:26
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spregalia posted:Even if you don't use it, sell that poo poo. You work at a seedy, shitbag hotel. I doubt finding willing buyers is that difficult. Hell, one of the hookers would buy it in 3 seconds. Now that, I'd probably have done.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:27
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spregalia posted:Hell, one of the hookers would buy it in 3 seconds. Or exchange it for "services rendered" if you're so inclined.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:28
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spregalia posted:Even if you don't use it, sell that poo poo. You work at a seedy, shitbag hotel. I doubt finding willing buyers is that difficult. Hell, one of the hookers would buy it in 3 seconds. EDIT: When you sell "found coke" Gary Oldman gets shot in the dick, that's what happens.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:29
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Casimir Radon posted:Please name one movie where someone has sold some coke they just happened to find, and everything went well. Please name one movie where anyone did anything in a seedy hotel and everything went well. Might as well go with the flow ...
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Apr 11, 2011 09:31
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Now as hosed-up as the OP's stories have been so far, this line actually succeeded in making me say "What the christ" at my monitor.Mizufusion posted:When she finally did realize, she went to a clinic to get it aborted, and found out the fetus had been dead inside her for weeks. 
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Apr 11, 2011 09:34
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TotallyGreen posted:Yeah, I mean, I know I shouldn't be shocked or anything, and I'm not really anti-drugs or anything (god knows I did enough at times) but I'd have never, ever, touched coke some dude I didn't know left behind in a hotel room. I freely admit it was a retarded thing to do. I was 20ish. But, in retrospect, doing coke was retarded, period. That said, I'll try to post the first two stories in a new thread in a few, just to keep all the stories in one place, and get to work on the third (I may post "My First, and Last, 'Date' With a Crack Whore." I was 19, drunk, and a virgin. Don't judge).
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Apr 11, 2011 09:34
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Casimir Radon posted:
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Apr 11, 2011 09:35
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Clockwork Cupcake posted:I felt like this was missing something... You're a bad person.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:37
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Impropaganda posted:Someone make :mrblackstock: All I can think about now is a Jack-in-the-box and  . Why would you do this to me?
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Apr 11, 2011 09:38
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roundmidnight posted:No, we're going to need your very own thread for this one. Seconded. Hotel horror stories are the kind of train wreck you simply must stare at. Please, make the thread.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:39
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Clockwork Cupcake posted:I felt like this was missing something... Nice. Right at the perfect interval between zany and menacing.
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Apr 11, 2011 09:40
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I don't think "desensitised" is quite the right word, but I've found that whenever I read odd internet stories I just don't process a lot of what I'm reading despite actually reading all of it, if you get what I mean. I read the OP and was unphased, then it hit me when I was in the kitchen making a drink. I almost dropped the drink once I came to my senses, to make it more cinematic. I did have a story that a friend told me about a mutual friend, about finding really badly photoshopped porn pictures on his computer, with the heads of people we knew. That doesn't quite compare to anything here though.
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Apr 11, 2011 10:27
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JoeyVapes posted:I freely admit it was a retarded thing to do. I was 20ish. But, in retrospect, doing coke was retarded, period. are you gonna post it in A/T or GBS? I'm gonna keep an eye out. edit: oh it's right there durrr Dush has a new favorite as of 10:59 on Apr 11, 2011 |
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Apr 11, 2011 10:53
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Clockwork Cupcake posted:I felt like this was missing something... 
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Apr 11, 2011 10:55
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God damnit.
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Apr 11, 2011 11:25
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This thread: I can't stop laughing.
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Apr 11, 2011 11:32
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Back in my college days a really hot girl followed me home on the bus and propositioned me. £50 and a blowjob if I brought my camcorder and tripod to a local farm to videotape her whacking off a horse. Several things about this situation still make me ask . Firstly that she actually offered £50 but also that I didn't even consider it for a second. I didn't even try arguing out of the horse bit with a cheesy line like "You know that horse will only let you down after me." Instead I was a loving boring teenager who jumped off the bus at the next stop exclaiming only "Horses!"Still at least I'm not posting a story on the internet about getting my camcorder stolen by a girl who invited me to come see her perfectly innocent petting zoo whereupon I got jumped by a gang of thugs and beaten to a pulp.
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Apr 11, 2011 11:41
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A co-worker a few years ago stated that he wished we would have another September 11th type event happen again so that the country could "come together again and get along with each other"
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Apr 11, 2011 11:43
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I'm a peace corps volunteer in Mongolia. Now, it's common to see public urination, less so to see public making GBS threads. But one day, I was at work at the hospital and I look outside to the busy courtyard/ER entrance. Right in the middle was a boy, crouching down. With his pants to his ankles. Taking a poo poo right next to where everyone was walking by him. He had to be about 10 years old, with his mom chilling next to him, waiting to finish his poo poo. I wish they had the decency to wait until they were off hospital grounds, or at least not where foot traffic is. Jeeezus. indeed. I also met a man in the hospital who had both of his two hands amputated, down to the wrist, also with no ear tips and no big toes. He passed out after drinking, in the snow... in -30F weather.
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Apr 11, 2011 11:52
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Captain Matchbox posted:Holy poo poo. Yes.. Whilst composing this little soliloquy... When Mr.Blackstock muttered this he was getting well & truly posted:In 2006 JoeyVapes escaped from hospitality. All they found of him was a muddy set of plastic cutlery, a bar of soap, and a tv remote, drat near worn down to the nub.
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Apr 11, 2011 12:02
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