When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

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TheVertigoOfBliss: Jan 29, 2007

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXxChycLh3k&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLDFF8815ACB6DDCE3

You forgot to post the video of Stack battering some pitch invaders when he played in Belgium.

# ? Nov 9, 2011 03:08

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# ? May 1, 2024 05:49

mixitwithblop: Feb 4, 2009; by elpintogrande

Bacon of the Sea posted:

A classic example could be made of Robin Friday, one time Reading and Cardiff legend, who was prone to drinking past kicking out time the night before games, was arrested on his transfer to Cardiff at the train station for bunking the train and quit the game aged 25. His final game saw him red carded for kicking Mark Lawrenson in the face, leaving the pitch, breaking into the Brighton and Hove dressing room and taking a poo poo in Lawrenson's kit bag.

Reading manager Maurice Evans tried to get Robin out of retirement, phoning and saying "If you would just settle down for three or four years, you could play for England." Friday replied with the question "How old are you?", and after Evans answered, continued: "I'm half your age and I've lived twice your life."

Not long after Robin was imprisoned for impersonating a police officer and confiscating people's drugs and died aged thirty eight of a heroin overdose in his council flat.

There are a few summarized stories similar to this of various footballers in The Rough Guide to Cult Football. I found a new copy for $4. It doesn't really go into details, but it's a nice book to read while riding the train or what have you.

Also, I haven't read it yet, but Simon Kuper's Soccer Men: Profiles of the Rogues, Geniuses, and Neurotics Who Dominate the World's Most Popular Sport is along the same lines, but the stories are more detailed.

mixitwithblop fucked around with this message at 12:31 on Nov 9, 2011

# ? Nov 9, 2011 12:20

euroboy: Mar 24, 2004

Stan Collymore is depressed and wrote a lot about it on twitter last night.

quote:

It's 4:48am in the morning(Sat 26th Nov 2011),and i'm wide awake.

I decided to tweet my own personal experience of my latest bout of Depression yesterday,and firstly wanted to thank the hundreds of messages from friends,journalists,mental health workers,doctors,and sufferers,as well as well wishers.It's very humbling to read the stories of fellow sufferers,links to blogs,and general experiences of this awful illness.

I want to elaborate on what Depression is for me,as the illness has so many facets,and varies from bout to bout ,that it can be hard to explain to a fellow sufferer,never mind someone fortunate enough to have never been afflicted!

I've spent so much time with Depression sufferers who have anxiety,irrational fear,too much sleep,not enough,that it's hard to pinpoint one "thing" that Depression is or isn't.All i know is that depending on the severity of the bout,it can be made of mainly one or all of these things,so i'll explain this latest bout,and what it's effect is.

I keep myself in really good nick,i run 10k every week day,and only not go to the gym or exercise at weekends,when i commentate on football for talkSPORT.The running i find really has helped massively,as i'm sure you guys that suffer who exercise find,the tangible release of calm,and "being on top of things" powers your internal dynamo,and keeps the black dog from the door.

Around 10 days ago however,i started to feel anxiety,which grew into irrational fear,which in turn turned into insomnia for 3 days(little sleep,and an incredibly active,negative mind),that in turn over last weekend(Swansea v Man United) into Hypersomnia,whereby my energy levels dipped to zero,and my sleep went from 8 to 18 hours overnight.

So i went from last Saturday at the gym,running 10k as i normally do,looking forward to working,to Tuesday morning being unable to lift my head from the pillow, feeling like my body had been drained of any life,my brain "full" and foggy,and a body that felt like it was carrying an anvil around.

So fit and healthy one day,mind,body and soul withering and dying the next.This to me is the most frightening of experiences,and one fellow suffers i'm sure will agree is the "thud" that sets the Depression rolling.

Once it hits,then cause and effect start to kick in.I sleep 18 hours a day,so i don't see sunlight over sometime a period of a week(my worst ever bout,i spent a month in bed),which i'm sure a doctor then would tell me makes the body shut down even further.My personal world grows smaller,i detach from friends and family,partly out of self preservation,partly not wanting them to see the man bounding around days ago,now looks visibly older,weaker and pathetic.

I eat less,my personal space gets smaller,none of the vain grooming of days before,as bathing,washing,and even going to the loo seem almost impossible.So its me,pyjamas,bed and increasingly despairing thoughts of how long this one will last,a tired,desperately tired but wildly active mind burns through its own blue touch paper until the paper ends,and there is simply nothing left.

That's the point when the practicality sets in,and not a nice one(and incredible to think when you finally get well).

Suicidal thoughts.

Thankfully i've not got to that part yet,and in my last 10 years only once or twice has this practical reality entered my head,and practicality its is,unpalatable the thought may be to many.

Why a practicality? Well,if your mind is empty,your brain ceases to function,your body is pinned to the bed,the future is a dark room,with no light,and this is your reality,it takes a massive leap of faith to know that this time next week,life could be running again,smiling,my world big and my brain back as it should be.So what do some do? They don't take the leap of faith,they address a practical problem with a practical solution to them,and that is taking their own life.And sadly,too many take that route out of this hell.

I'm typing and my brain is full,cloudy and detached but i know i need to elaborate on what i'm going through because there are so many going through this that need to know it's an illness,just an illness.Not bad,mad,crazy or weak,just ill,and that with this particular illness,for its sufferers,for family and friends who are there but feel they can't help,you can!

Patience,time,kindness and support.That's all we need.No "pull your socks up",no "get out of bed you lazy git",just acknowledge the feedback the sufferer gives,get them to go to the GP asap,and help them do the little things bit by bit.

That may seem simple but in my experience,and currently as we speak,having a bath,walking for 5 minutes in the fresh air,making a meal,all things that days before were the norm,seem alien,so friends and family can help ,just by being non judgemental,and helping in the background to get the sufferer literally back on their feet.

I hope that if you are suffering,or know someone that does,that a little insight into someone elses experiences might resonate with one or two and give them the comfort of knowing that there are millions out there like us that deal with this reality in our lives.

We contribute like everyone else,so treat us like everyone else.

You are not alone,there are millions of us.

http://www.twitlonger.com/show/ecoqm1

# ? Nov 26, 2011 11:28

Mickolution: Oct 1, 2005; Ballers...I put numbers on the boards

That's really sad

# ? Nov 26, 2011 15:17

Monday Bandele: Apr 26, 2008

"You're a millionaire footballer, how the gently caress do you know what depression is. Suck it up" - John Gregory, c. 2000

# ? Nov 26, 2011 16:01

MattWPBS: Jun 17, 2004; I am the law, but an easily bribed kind of law.

Sadly appropriate given Gary Speed.

# ? Nov 28, 2011 12:54

Lot 49: Dec 7, 2007; I'll do anything
For my sweet sixteen

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story/_/id/989625/brazilian-winger-mancini-imprisoned-for-rape?cc=5739

Mancini, that Brazilian winger who was at Roma for a while, has been sent down for rape.

# ? Nov 28, 2011 18:17

Newbori: May 4, 2009

The DVD thing brought something to mind. Glenn Verbauwhede, on loan from FC Bruges to KV Kortrijk and second keeper did something similar. Before a cup game he went into the dressing room of the opposing team to explain their strikers the weaknesses of Peter Mollez, the first keeper.

# ? Nov 28, 2011 19:57

BigStu: Apr 16, 2011

Monday Bandele posted:

"You're a millionaire footballer, how the gently caress do you know what depression is. Suck it up" - John Gregory, c. 2000

�Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive.� - Kim Etheredge, Terrell Owens' publicist

# ? Nov 29, 2011 02:26

Outrespective: Oct 9, 2007; Can't post for 10 years!

Ronnie Wallwork made the news today. He's going down for 15 months. Former Man United player with a premier league medal in the slammer.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-16012632

BBC News posted:

A former Manchester United player who was found breaking up stolen car parts at a scrapyard in the city has been jailed for 15 months.

Ronnie Wallwork, 34, from Failsworth, Manchester, pleaded guilty to three counts of receiving stolen goods.

Police stumbled upon Wallwork while investigating unconnected armed robberies across Lancashire.

A judge at Preston Crown Court said he could not agree to the suspended prison term requested by Wallwork's defence.

Judge Simon Newell told the former England Under-20 international: "These were high-value items that were stolen.

"It seems to me they were taken in a professional and sophisticated way.

"It also seems clear to me that they were taken to go into the black market either to be sold on or broken down and sold on.

"You provided the facility for that to happen. There was an element of organisation and sophistication in what went on."

Detectives chanced on Wallwork at the 10 Arches Scrapyard in Manchester as they looked for a gang of armed criminals who had shot a security guard in Preston.

It emerged Wallwork had sold a Volkswagen Touran engine and parts from a BMW 318i on eBay, and he was observed driving a Mazda Furano into the scrapyard three days after it was stolen from a car dealer.

The three stolen vehicles he was linked to were worth more than �43,000 in total, Preston Crown Court heard.

Rachel Woods, defending, said her client "succumbed to temptation in a stage of his life when his finances had taken a dramatic turn for the worse."

She said that, until relatively recently, Wallwork had a "promising career" as a professional footballer but it was "tragically cut short" when he was the victim of a serious assault five years ago.

Ms Woods said her client, who nearly died in the attack, had struggled "to find a proper path to continue with his life" since his career ended.

Wallwork had lost a lot of money in two failed businesses before he set up the initially legitimate concern from the 10 Arches scrapyard.

Since admitting his crimes he had taken advantage of various services offered to him by the Professional Footballers' Association and had undergone counselling

Wallwork won a Premier League winners' medal in 2001, but the next year went to West Bromwich Albion on a free transfer Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson called the "Bosman of the year".

He was West Brom's player of the year in the 2004-05 Premier League season in which they escaped relegation in the last match.

Loan periods at Bradford City, Barnsley and Huddersfield Town followed before he moved to Sheffield Wednesday in 2008 where he made only seven appearances.

However, it's a miracle he got to have a football career at all

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6201844.stm

BBC Sport posted:

...

Wallwork came though the youth system at Manchester United and was sent to Carlisle, Stockport and Royal Antwerp on loan.

However, his spell in Belgium was marred by controversy when he was banned from football for life after he allegedly attacked a referee.

That punishment was reduced on appeal to just a one-year sanction which related only to Belgium.

...

# ? Dec 5, 2011 20:10

Outrespective: Oct 9, 2007; Can't post for 10 years!

Lee Hughes has been arrested on suspicion of Sexual Assault, 3 months into a new 18 month contract.

The question is will he serve out the other 3 years of the 6 year sentence he got for doing a hit and run that resulted in a death if he's found guilty of sexual assault.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Dec 6, 2011 11:15

Rankine Over Gash: Feb 18, 2010; We had our meetings in a room with a bar and Brian Clough said to me "Millsy, get the beers in and get yourself a Guinness". I told him I didn't drink. He said "Get yourself a fucking Guinness" so I did. I drank it, pulled a face and then he named me in the team. I never said no again.

I'm all for rehabilitation of criminals through prison and believe people can be honestly sorry for wrongs they have done. However, Lee Hughes wants hanging for that loving goal celebration.

# ? Dec 6, 2011 11:38

Byolante: Mar 23, 2008; by Cyrano4747

Outrespective posted:

Lee Hughes has been arrested on suspicion of Sexual Assault, 3 months into a new 18 month contract.

The question is will he serve out the other 3 years of the 6 year sentence he got for doing a hit and run that resulted in a death if he's found guilty of sexual assault.

Its kinda weird that he celebrated playing poo poo but getting a goal vs a nonleague side by going out and raping someone.

# ? Dec 6, 2011 19:26

msj817: Apr 1, 2003; Please help me help you forget about Jozy.

Hanging out and doing lines with cocaine kingpins, kidnapping, scorpion kick saves and amazing hair. All a days work for the recently retired Rene Higuita. He is also featured a bit in the documentary "The Two Escobars" which is about the ties of the Columbian national team to the drug kingpins of the time, most specifically the death of Andres Escobar and the influence of Pablo Escobar. A must watch.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Dec 6, 2011 19:58

Popehoist: Feb 5, 2008; There you go rubens, all your fault! You went on the wrong side of the car!

Byolante posted:

Its kinda weird that he celebrated playing poo poo but getting a goal vs a nonleague side by going out and raping someone.

he didnt even make the bench

# ? Dec 7, 2011 15:28

nervana: Dec 9, 2010

http://www.goal.com/en/news/9/england/2011/12/13/2800587/sunderlands-nicklas-bendtner-causes-pizzeria-commotion-after

Goal.com posted:

Sunderland's Nicklas Bendtner causes pizzeria commotion after credit card failure
The loaned out Arsenal striker apparently had to beg strangers for money after he was unable to purchase his meal, and allegedly asked staff: "Don't you know who I am?"

Sunderland striker Nicklas Bendtner was forced to ask complete strangers for money on Saturday evening as his credit card was declined as he tried to pay for pizza, according to Danish paper Ekstrabladet.
The loaned out Arsenal man stopped at a pizzeria in Copenhagen where he placed his order of pizzas but was then unable to pay for them.

The newspaper reported that the 23-year-old tried to get the pizzas for free and even asked staff: �Don�t you know who I am? I can buy the whole pizzeria.�

An unnamed member of staff told the paper: �We told him that it did not matter who he was. If he could not pay, there was no pizza.�

A fellow customer informed the paper: �He was f***ing arrogant; acted as if he owned the place. All the people just stood and looked at each other and shook their heads over the way he behaved.�

After the argument, two girls decided to pay for the food and Bendtner left in a taxi.

*edit* VVVVV oh, okay then

nervana fucked around with this message at 15:39 on Dec 13, 2011

# ? Dec 13, 2011 15:34

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

nervana posted:

http://www.goal.com/en/news/9/england/2011/12/13/2800587/sunderlands-nicklas-bendtner-causes-pizzeria-commotion-after

From the PL thread

Bland posted:

There was discussion about this on a sunderland message board until a danish fella cleared things up, he's apparently asking why his credit card isn't accepted in the video, all the other stuff is a complete fabrication.

# ? Dec 13, 2011 15:37

Bacon of the Sea: Oct 17, 2008; Dog Suicide Bridge BBQ Team 2k10

"I've seen that there's a lot of comments on the internet with regards to some video footage of me during the game. I'm disappointed that people have leapt to the wrong conclusions about the context of what I was seen to be saying to Anton Ferdinand. I would never say such a thing, and I'm saddened that people would think so."

In a matter of hours we'll find out if the CPS also had trouble seeing Terry say black bastard.

# ? Dec 21, 2011 13:07

Rankine Over Gash: Feb 18, 2010; We had our meetings in a room with a bar and Brian Clough said to me "Millsy, get the beers in and get yourself a Guinness". I told him I didn't drink. He said "Get yourself a fucking Guinness" so I did. I drank it, pulled a face and then he named me in the team. I never said no again.

Bacon of the Sea posted:

"I've seen that there's a lot of comments on the internet with regards to some video footage of me during the game. I'm disappointed that people have leapt to the wrong conclusions about the context of what I was seen to be saying to Anton Ferdinand. I would never say such a thing, and I'm saddened that people would think so."

In a matter of hours we'll find out if the CPS also had trouble seeing Terry say black bastard.

I thought Terry said "black oval office"? I don't even know anymore.

# ? Dec 22, 2011 15:38

Hardflip: Jul 21, 2007

Titus is horny

# ? Jan 5, 2012 20:07

Bacon of the Sea: Oct 17, 2008; Dog Suicide Bridge BBQ Team 2k10

'Arry is a bunghole

# ? Jan 24, 2012 13:28

deletebeepbeepbeep: Nov 12, 2008

17 years to the day since that beautiful night when Cantona kicked a Palace fan. Legend.

# ? Jan 25, 2012 21:50

The Saurus: Dec 3, 2006; by Smythe

beepx3 you should be forced to post this every time you say something mean about palace.

# ? Jan 25, 2012 21:55

Bacon of the Sea: Oct 17, 2008; Dog Suicide Bridge BBQ Team 2k10

Ravel Morrison managed fourteen days at West Ham before getting charged by the FA for using homophobic language on twitter.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/feb/15/ravel-morrison-charged-homophobic-tweet?newsfeed=true

Anyone know what kind of penalty he could be looking at?

# ? Feb 15, 2012 13:32

Spangly A: May 14, 2009; God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

Bacon of the Sea posted:

Ravel Morrison managed fourteen days at West Ham before getting charged by the FA for using homophobic language on twitter.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/feb/15/ravel-morrison-charged-homophobic-tweet?newsfeed=true

Anyone know what kind of penalty he could be looking at?

e3 is the same charge brought against Suarez. It'll be a fine and a suspension, but I doubt it'll be 8 games.

# ? Feb 15, 2012 16:52

Stotty: Apr 5, 2004

There'll almost definitely be a fine, not sure about a suspension.

It's a weird one since it happened entirely outside the confines of football as far as I understand.

I mean it really seems like something that would usually be covered by club disciplinary policy, rather than FA.

Michael Ball was fined �6K for the same offence, which I believe is the highest fine they've handed out for homophobic slurs so far.

Stotty fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Feb 15, 2012

# ? Feb 15, 2012 17:00

Benadryl Brownie: Aug 18, 2005; Haway les gars

Whatever happened to Michael Johnson, City extraordinaire.

# ? Feb 15, 2012 18:04

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

Benadryl Brownie posted:

Whatever happened to Michael Johnson, City extraordinaire.

Too much pressure -> permacrocked -> fat -> not fat any more -> loaned to Leicester

He's still only 23 (24 later this month) if he can keep fitness he'll do fine as a journeyman footballer. He's also done some coaching badges while injured so he has that avenue open if he can't manage to meet the potential he had before he went off the rails.

# ? Feb 16, 2012 01:59

Benadryl Brownie: Aug 18, 2005; Haway les gars

Wasn't he supposed to be a crazy alcoholic or something?

# ? Feb 16, 2012 02:58

Eau de MacGowan: May 12, 2009; BRASIL HEXA
2026 tá logo aí

Benadryl Brownie posted:

Wasn't he supposed to be a crazy alcoholic or something?

I think he had a 'normal' intake of alcohol, in that he went to a pub/club a few nights a week especially when he was injured (ie. all the time). He never went Gazza bonkers, but in the modern game he might as well have done.

# ? Feb 16, 2012 10:33

az: Dec 2, 2005

Bacon of the Sea posted:

Ravel Morrison managed fourteen days at West Ham before getting charged by the FA for using homophobic language on twitter.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/feb/15/ravel-morrison-charged-homophobic-tweet?newsfeed=true

Anyone know what kind of penalty he could be looking at?

I keep hearing that Morrison is a completely loony tosser, can you recap "the story so far"?

# ? Feb 16, 2012 18:16

Spangly A: May 14, 2009; God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

az posted:

I keep hearing that Morrison is a completely loony tosser, can you recap "the story so far"?

Assaulted his mum, nothing came of that that I recall, threw his bird's phone out the window and got charged with assault for that, then whilst already on a caution proceeded to stalk a witness trying to get him to drop charges until he was dragged to court where they made him sign a letter explaining that Witness Intimidation Is Bad, Don't Do It. At around this point the club supposedly stopped showing up for his various court dates, pissed off with his stupidity and the fact he literally couldn't last 3 months without skipping training, the only requirement to his first team place. He sulked about this and decided not to bother signing a new contract.

Goes to West Ham, the noise starts off as "he'll play" and has in two weeks transformed into "he'll not play this year and needs to work harder". Threatens someone on twitter, calls them a human being, claims to be in Manchester every weekend so bang goes the "hopefully a new environment will help" idea.

This is a lad so loving stupid that despite the fact he could easily play for England if he worked hard enough, would rather hang around the estates cause 'e's well 'ard.

# ? Feb 16, 2012 18:37

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

The interview in 10 years time where he can't turn it down because he needs the money is going to be interesting

# ? Feb 16, 2012 22:29

Mickolution: Oct 1, 2005; Ballers...I put numbers on the boards

Unless he turns out great, nobody will care in 10 years.

# ? Feb 16, 2012 23:14

deletebeepbeepbeep: Nov 12, 2008

Bad boy of football Leon Knight has been giving Tulisa of N-Dubz fame 'mad banter' about her sex tape on twitter.

5h Leon Knight ‏ @LeonKnight82
http://rundat.co.uk people go check out the worst head in the world being performed by @officialtulisa .. Waste of time!

5h Leon Knight ‏ @LeonKnight82
It ain't a sex tape tweeple it's a oral tape and a bad one at that the bitch can't even spit. Wrist game is DEAD!! @officialtulisa epic fail

Leon Knight ‏ @LeonKnight82
This bitch is moving like she's got no tongue .... Lick the fucker god dam it lol .... What's up @officialtulisa cat got ur tongue lmfao

Leon Knight ‏ @LeonKnight82
Guys cock must b a good 8 inches and this bitch has sucked about 1 and a half inches of it. @officialtulisa u need drop kicking

Leon Knight ‏ @LeonKnight82
Ahhh gently caress what u lot are saying if I wanna tweet something that's what I'll do. Trying to tame me gets me off key #fuckoff

# ? Mar 19, 2012 22:48

Psybro: May 12, 2002

Hmm Leon Knight seems to have strong opinions on how best to perform oral sex on a man

# ? Mar 19, 2012 23:43

The Gunge: Aug 20, 2011

I like how #fuckoff is the same amount of characters as gently caress off

# ? Mar 20, 2012 04:05

iajanus: Aug 17, 2004; NUMBER 1 QUEENSLAND SUPPORTER
MAROONS 2023 STATE OF ORIGIN CHAMPIONS FOR LIFE

If you didn't use the hashtag how would people searching for fuckoff find your tweet?

# ? Mar 20, 2012 06:23

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

The Gunge posted:

I like how #fuckoff is the same amount of characters as gently caress off

it's one less than "...key. gently caress off" though :eng101:

# ? Mar 20, 2012 06:32

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# ? May 1, 2024 05:49

Bacon of the Sea: Oct 17, 2008; Dog Suicide Bridge BBQ Team 2k10

More match fixing in Italy: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/apr/02/andrea-masiello-match-fixing-serie-a

# ? Apr 3, 2012 10:45

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

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