Ask me about growing up with a girl who thinks she's married to anime guys

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about growing up with a girl who thinks she's married to anime guys

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Nessa posted:

You're right, and I have told my mom to get him to a mental health specialist before. She agrees that he could probably use some counseling, but doesn't really think he'd be diagnosed with anything serious.

I don't think she'd take me seriously if I suggested he could be on the autism spectrum. She's a teacher and has worked with autistic kids before, and apparently sees none of that in my brother.

I think my boyfriend has been a good influence on him, because he really likes and respects him. He respects me to some degree too, since I'm the one who will call him out on acting terrible or suggest that he try new foods. I once yelled at him to help my mom clean out the garage and he got all pissed off at me about it. Later, he came out and apologized for being rude to me. Both me and my mom were shocked, 'cause he never apologizes to anyone of his own free will.

I'm seeing my family later this week and will try to suggest something then. He graduates next year, and he definitely wants to go to college, so it would probably be a good idea to start some form of therapy before then.

Full disclosure: I am not a mental health specialist or psychologist or have any medical training in the least. Any advice should be taken as, "Ask someone who knows what the gently caress they're doing about it."

If he isn't going to be diagnosed with something, then what's the fear of taking him to get checked out? If he does need a specialist, then not taking him is a disservice and may be making his condition worse.

Me may not be fully autistic, but he has all the hallmarks of someone on the autism spectrum. There may be some parental blindness involved, and anyway is she trained to actually diagnose symptoms?

It's good that your brother has good role models. Some people can sometimes grow out of the less severe forms, but it's a risky gamble because the behavior can also get a lot worse. Having a role model to pattern himself after will definitely help, and giving him a reasonable amount of discipline is probably why he respects you. Children test boundaries to see what is and isn't allowed. If everything is permitted they will keep trying to find that boundary using more and more outlandish behavior, possibly learning how to manipulate people for what they want in the process. Having the power to check him is something worthy of respect, as is using a rational explanation rather than just a bare assertion of power.

As something sort of on-topic, I've experience this first-hand with relatives. Two separate relatives' families had a Downs Syndrome child: one named Darryl, the other Charlie. Darryl's parents were religious ministers, and he was given strict rules of behavior and taught what was and was not acceptable. He's still a total flirt (he likes to get pictures taken with women, any woman really, including family members) and has occasional bathroom accidents, but he is welcome to any family gathering and restaurant.

Charlie was originally going to be adopted, but when the biological father learned that he could get additional money for keeping the child he refused to sign the papers. He then proceeded to give token support to him and his mother, right up until Charlie's 18th birthday... and disappeared for good. In the meantime, Charlie had learned all the bad habits that come from a dissolute father and no discipline. He would steal money when visiting relatives' houses, he would rarely shower or wash his hands, he would track mud, oil, and grease through the houses, he was disrespectful and cursed inappropriately, and he would try to get young girls to sit on his lap. He had a few other distasteful habits, too, but you get the picture.

When it comes to discipline I'm not saying "spare the rod and spoil the child," because if anyone was beaten it was probably Charlie, just that clear expectations and clear boundaries make things less stressful for everyone involved. It's especially true for people that may not be able to read body language or aware how their actions are being perceived. That goes for the "creepy but harmless" types - they literally cannot read when people are giving them the cold shoulder. A clear, no-excuse, no-ambiguity answer like "NO, this is not acceptable, it will NEVER be ok, stop doing this right now or I will call the police, I have no interest in you" has worked well in my experience. If it doesn't work, it's a lot easier to call the authorities because then it's clear they have no interest in your feelings and are probably dangerous.

DarkHorse fucked around with this message at 19:52 on Jan 30, 2012

# ¿ Jan 30, 2012 19:48

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 23:53

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Oh crap, I just remembered a short encounter with what probably was one of these guys. It was over quick and it isn't really that creepy in the least, but it was terribly awkward.

I'd just moved to a new city, had no friends nearby, and was feeling adventurous and started talking to one of the apartment neighbors. He seemed a little weird and nerdy, but I was feeling confident and wanted to stretch my comfort zone. I asked if he'd be interested in playing video games, he said that sounded cool, and came into my apartment.

And then selected a single player game.

And played it for about an hour. Without talking to me once, except for the occasional ambiguous grunt when I'd ask him a question or spark conversation.

I thought about asking if he wouldn't rather play a multiplayer game, but I'd long since learned that not-so-subtle hints didn't work right with his type. I ended up just telling him that he had to go, right now, polite but firm and no ambiguity or hints of, "maybe later".

Later his much more functional sister made him come over and apologize, so that was kinda nice. I saw him occasionally working at the grocery store, but didn't interact with him beyond that.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2012 05:20

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Space.Plant posted:

- Is a homophobe. He hates homosexuality but not the homosexuals themselves. Don't ask me how that works. Also, to him, being gay is a choice.
- He also dislikes atheists. He is a humble Christian boy that never drinks alcohol nor swears. Porn? Well, he loves it a lot so he has no worries.

These two often go together (well, the first point and being Christian). The phrase I've heard bandied about is "Love the sinner, hate the sin." It only makes sense in the context that sin is a conscious choice to go against what God wills.

So basically, all these kids that desperately pray for God to change them, that hide and suppress their true feelings, that endure tons of failed relationships with the opposite sex, that deal with harrassment and mockery and threats and the occasional beating and murder... it's just a choice, man, and you can hate that choice while still "loving" the person. Because it's like drug addiction, or something :rolleyes:

# ¿ Feb 21, 2012 22:11

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

It showed up in PYF Fandom Lunacy thread, though the PYF Brony Insanity thread is lovely in its creepiness and contained a copy of the post.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3474221&pagenumber=1#post401874248

# ¿ Mar 30, 2012 16:07

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

I love the way he's gently supporting it. What really gets me is the guitar on the right side - all that crazy and mis-sized armament, but you gotta make room in case you have to have a wicked solo! :rock:

# ¿ Apr 14, 2012 16:09

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

That is one broken, broken person and the most awkward wooing I have ever heard of.

You just know that everything he did he considered the height of romance; archaic speech (he's an old-timey gentleman!), reading poetry (the soul of an artiste!), the whole "raw meat" thing (a tortured soul!), and then you had to ruin it all by running away with her (clearly because you were intimidated by his raw sexuality and afraid your girlfriend would give in to her lust). I bet he was congratulating himself on what a fine specimen he was the whole time.

I still don't get how someone gets to the point of reading awkward poetry to someone in front of their significant other and carrying meat around in their pockets :psyduck:

# ¿ Apr 18, 2012 01:18

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

I think the most common onset of paranoid schizophrenia is in teens and early twenties when the mind is going through its last really huge structural change. There's still some baggage with people associating schizophrenia with "multiple personalities" so it's possible she just latched onto that as her mental processes started breaking down.

Or she might be addicted to the attention, who knows. (Not a psychologist)

# ¿ Jun 25, 2012 15:53

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Don't apologize, this is great, and your writing style is perfectly accessible.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2012 02:35

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Captain Capacitor posted:

Two updated images at the behest of an anonymous person:

OR

I feel like the first could have multiple applications...

I prefer the second one because of the consistent font and pacing, but I like the words in broken pixel's offering.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2012 20:20

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Nemesis Of Moles posted:

I know a family who is, by all accounts, the neatest people on earth. They helped me out endlessly throughout my early years and had me over constantly. Great people, nicest folks I have ever met.

They also believe that man shared the earth with dinosaurs and that the ancient Egyptians had nuclear weapons and jump jets. They went off on it for about 30 minutes one day over some fantastic food they'd made and for a few moments I realized that there has to be a bunch of people out there who are fundamentalists because that history is so so much freaking cooler than, you know, reality.

Not that Eyptians of any era with jump jets and nuclear weapons aren't cool as heck, but real history is often so much cooler and stranger than fiction that it beggars belief. History is just one of those subjects that often isn't taught well in my opinion.

Dudes getting jealous of each other and murdering all over the place, what's not to love? :black101:

# ¿ Sep 10, 2012 19:20

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

For what it's worth I liked your stories Haymaker_Betty, I just think people found aspects of them concerning.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2012 03:09

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Blckdrgn posted:

Time Witch

Wow, that sounds eerily like someone I knew from high school, minus the sexual forwardness. She too was tiny, rail-thin, and did a similar sort of nervous rambling. If the girl I knew didn't have HUGE issues with abandonment and physical contact I'd wonder if it wasn't the same girl.

It almost sounds like a person that is frustrated but has no idea how to approach people, so they come up with this weird oblique scenario. :psyduck:

# ¿ Sep 19, 2012 23:15

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

RazorBunny posted:

I wish I had more stories, but we were friends in middle school and dated long-distance in high school (he was at boarding school), and I've actually either blocked or straight-up forgotten most of our relationship.

It was too bad, really. He was a decent looking guy, really smart, and in really excellent physical shape. Teeth could have used some work, but they were clean at least. He showered and generally smelled nice. Genuinely studied martial arts and had his black belt in karate, not sure what level in judo. He also played several instruments and excelled at all of them.

But he had this incredibly overbearing mother and he became desperately obsessed with anime (woo dragon shirts!) and the last time I saw him we were 20 and he was fat and had long, greasy hair and worked at the Wendy's in the white-trash mall in our hometown. I hadn't even thought about him in years until the Dragonball Z conversation.

I know he was present at the birthday party where one of our friends who grew up to be a furry bit the everloving poo poo out of one of our other friends who was really into Gundam Wing slash fanfiction, but alas I was not there to see.

I had a friend in highschool that followed a similar path. In high school he was a pretty accomplished martial artist, I think he even won some tournaments. The reason I'm not sure is that I found out he lied about just about everything. Over the course of our friendship, he said:

He was set to inherit a lot of money from his biological father, on condition that he kept his surname, which was hard because they divorced because he beat my friend's mother. This was plausible since his mother and stepdad were reasonably well-off.
He was creating his own martial art. Once again, semi-plausible given he had some awards and pictures of himself sparring at tournaments.
He was related to legendary Scottish warriors in the clan McLeod, maybe even descended from McLeod himself (I know nothing about Scottish history, but he definitely implied he was a branch off the Scottish equivalent of the royal line)
While searching through pictures, an image of a naked young woman popped up on his computer. He blamed it on his dad using his computer, that was in his room.

At this point the stuff he said was just plausible enough to either pass immediate inspection or else pass off as embarrassment. It was after I had graduated that he started to really go off the deep end:

He portrayed Jesus in church plays multiple times and got creepily interested in the whole sacrificial savior thing, even sporting a scraggly beard after the play was over and wearing robes during the school day.
He told everyone he had cancer and was going to die soon, and rolled around school in a wheelchair for a while. This ties into the above point. People got really upset when he started walking around one day without comment.
Once he graduated high school he either dropped out or never went to college, lived with his parents and turned into a fat greasy slob. I've heard he still brags about his martial prowess

All that stuff makes me wonder what else he was lying about. There are a lot of other inconsequential things I know he embellished or fabricated, but I don't know why. All I can guess is he felt the need to impress people and that he somehow wasn't good enough

# ¿ Oct 18, 2012 17:07

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

JohnOfOrdo3 posted:

Thank you all for your advise and support.

Your comments made me feel ashamed and embarrassed that I'd... Well I'd acted like I had. But that's a good thing because if I'm embarrassed then I'm clearly acting in the wrong. So you're right. You're all 100% correct.

I do need to end this, I've known for a while that I needed to end it. But I've been putting it off, I didn't want the trouble or the fall out. Also I think we've established by now that I'm an idiot, so that's probably contributing to it. Once I get back from work I'll get in contact with a friend for emotional support/to make sure I go through with it, brain storm what I want to say and then take the plunge.

I'll let you know how it goes.

You don't have to feel embarrassed, and you're not an idiot. You are in an abusive and manipulative relationship that has compromised your ability to think. Look back on how you describe things, how you didn't understand how the world worked, you felt off-kilter, you lost sleep and were enduring constant anxiety. She is taking advantage of a person in a vulnerable state and doing things to cultivate that vulnerability so the game doesn't end. What would you say or think of you saw someone else doing that to another person?

You don't deserve this, and making a poor decision does not excuse the way this person has treated you. You have nothing to be ashamed about, just get out of this situation.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2013 21:53

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

I am The Fury posted:

You make some really solid points, obviously. I may have just originally gone with it because I was so loving lonely and she was the gateway to all the friends I have now. Now, of those friends, she is only really closer with one, maybe two of them than I am, so it isn't like severing with her will end all social possibilities like the situation used to be.

As for all the Shingle discussion, Martha has had Shingles for over a year and a half and counting now, so she's gotten pretty good at coping with the day-to-day pain. She's prescribed several different painkillers for it and it's what she was given her MMJ card for. Speaking of medications, she has tried every antidepressant, anti-psychotic, and anti-crazybitch medication she apparently can, and they all turned out badly for her. Painkillers and weed have less negative effects, but she still prefers sobriety to being on either of those in most cases.

I haven't noticed any symptoms or anything. No blisters, no inexplicable pain, etc. Never had Chicken Pox, but I have been vaccinated for it.

Unless you've seen the diagnosis from her doctor or other health professional, she's lying.

Chicken Pox sucks hardcore, but thankfully does no permanent damage beyond a few pale scars if you get it as a child. You're hot, feverish, irritable, and feel bruised all over, and your skin itches like you've been assaulted by a swarm of mosquitoes. Getting the same virus as an adult (or if your immune system is compromised so the latent virus reemerges) results in debilitating pain and nerve damage, plus nasty rashes and suppurating wounds. From what I understand it usually either clears up as your immune system recovers or you're attacked by even nastier things and have to be hospitalized.

She is using you for attention. Every time you interact with you she extracts a little bit of concern, or sympathy, or lust; something, anything, to make her feel better about herself. She has absolutely no regard for you, and will use you up and throw you away if you let her.

The next time she threatens suicide, or says she has lost her memory, call the ambulance on her. No warning, no bargaining. If she's telling the truth, it's an emergency and needs to be handled by professionals immediately. If she's lying, she should have considered that before making claims and will have to live with the consequences.

E: Because I'm a sucker for sympathy, she's probably severely depressed (perhaps from trauma she experienced as a child) and has lots of mental health issues because of it. She probably lacks self-worth and feels compelled to do this stuff to feel good about herself. All of her actions are attempts to get you to prove your concern for you; the "amnesia" is a convenient way to get you to explain yourself over and over again with plausible deniability for her. If she really is in chronic pain it's probably a symptom of depression. Regardless, it is not your responsibility to fix her and probably beyond your ability, anyway. Leave it to professionals and get this toxic person out of your life.

DarkHorse fucked around with this message at 02:08 on Jul 31, 2013

# ¿ Jul 31, 2013 02:03

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Excelsiortothemax posted:

My friends father wanted to block Christmas but his mother won out.

According to him, it's not against the faith to drink pop, just a common misunderstanding.

I have no idea if it's true, but I've heard something similar. Basically that it was a prohibition on brewed drinks, which depending on how you looked at it could include alcoholic drinks (brewed with yeast), caffeinated drinks (from brewing tea and coffee), or some even broader interpretation on drinks that include "drugs" like soda.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2015 21:52

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

TunaSpleen posted:

That's a lot like my grandmother, deep in the throes of dementia. Fortunately, I'm burned into her memory at the age she first started declining, so I'm perpetually ~21 to her, which is way better than being perceived as a child or even a teen. She keeps asking when I'm going to graduate but now I can keep honestly answering, just increasing the degree level every few years. She's always so impressed and proud.

I did this for undergrad and then grad degrees, and I always surprised her when I told her how old I was. In her defense people regularly mistake my age at least 5 years less than reality, but she had a lovely sweet expression of shock and surprise every time I told her. It was less funny when became fixated on an estranged family member and dissolved into inconsolable tears, obsessing over what she had done to be so cut off (nothing, but there was no convincing her of that).

Then she started confusing me for my dad, her son.

Then she thought both of us were strangers, until we reminded her.

Then she couldn't even remember either of us, and eventually lost the ability to speak entirely. :smith:

Basically what I'm saying is that dementia sucks, and I feel for anyone that has to watch a loved one go through that.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2015 00:45

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Rexides posted:

"Deformation of Character" is my very specific toon fetish.

There is definitely a specific disorder that describes a person who claims that is the victim of the things they have actually done to you, but it eludes me. I knew a girl like that, and it came up when I was discussing her with a psychiatrist friend who also knew her. It was little things with her though, like claiming someone broke her CD cases when she was the one who did that to someone else, or presenting my ideas to others as if they were hers. I might have mentioned her before in the thread, but I don't have any stories about her since I realised that my best option was to distance myself as much as possible from the insanity.

"Projection" is the basic one where you throw thing about yourself that make you uncomfortable onto other people or objects. This serves as a way to deal with the bad feelings without having to actually confront your own flaws. It also lets you reflect any hurtful criticism back at the critics.

God drat but that poo poo is scary.

# ¿ Oct 5, 2016 18:17

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

Thank you so much for sharing this, and if there's any justice in the world out there KAK is going to have a legal freight train dropped on her.

# ¿ Oct 6, 2016 15:37

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 23:53

DarkHorse: Dec 13, 2006; Nap Ghost

DicktheCat posted:

Maybe this person just watched too much Transformers and really dug Devastator? Now that I think about it, how come the badguys always got to be cool poo poo like tanks and jets and stuff?

Transformer planet had a war between civilian transformers and warrior transformers. Decepticons were thus all military vehicles and the Autobots were all, well, cars and stuff.

Fake edit: oh poo poo, trap sprung!

# ¿ Nov 6, 2016 17:10

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