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OneThousandMonkeys posted:Also if I'm ever at a table when the GM announces he has to take a wank break, resulting in a high-five, everyone in the room is getting the Roy Batty treatment. You'd kneel, shirtless, in the rain, and not move until everyone else got uncomfortable and left?
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Apr 4, 2014 18:57
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Something Awful Forums>Traditional Games> Probably went overboard with the rape though
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Apr 7, 2014 16:46
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Barudak posted:If future games didn't involve having to hunt down the fearsome blade Mr. Ed which is said to wander the earth under its magic powers before discovering that Mr. Ed is a horse of course of course this whole story was for naught. I kind of want to use this idea. Have the group encounter a posting to capture/kill an assassin by the name of Edward. All the recent victims have been killed by piercing, as though by a lance, and most of them are found to have been horribly trampled afterwards. Maybe have it centered around the annual jousting tournament...
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Apr 15, 2014 16:08
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CobiWann posted:To be fair, I’ve actually done this in a “7th Sea” game – hired a bunch of Jenny’s (prostitutes) from a dockside brothel and sent them to a pirate’s ship “compliments of the madam” as a distraction so the group could sneak on board. Yeah, but that's a little more "thinking outside the box" and a little less "roll to dodge money shot".
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Apr 25, 2014 15:13
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CobiWann posted:Would this be a good place for the story about the time I rolled Improvised Weapon (Prostitute) then? Do you even have to ask?
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Apr 25, 2014 15:40
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CobiWann posted:Sadly, the GM said we couldn’t, but my character, the Professor, is now going to talk with the Jeweler’s Guild to see if we can drill a tiny hole in a musket ball and fill it with holy water/rock salt, and the Fop is designing a “demon hunting” dress where the bottom hemline of her skirt is a complete circle of rock salt or blessed silver. That should also cut back on the demonic subway perverts as well.
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May 21, 2014 15:50
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See...That's why I want to get into Fiasco. Stories like this. Thought, that's probably the "happiest" ending I've ever heard from a Fiasco story.
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Jun 5, 2014 16:50
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Beef Hardcheese posted:Wizard Tree Personally, I think you missed a major opportunity by not framing this story as "Wizard destroys local tavern after answering the call of Nature"
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Oct 6, 2014 22:23
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Afgad posted:
So DnD meets 1313 Dead End Drive?
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Nov 13, 2014 16:03
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Exculpatrix posted:In the Unknown Armies campaign I've been running for a while the party dipsomancer (a wizard who gets more powerful the more drunk they are) finally decided to cast Party Like Hell. In my head, the demon has a magical boombox that keeps playing "Party Party Party", "Party All the Time", "1999" and "Party Hard"
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Dec 3, 2014 15:44
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CobiWann posted:As a wrestling fan, that sounds amazing and a great way to get the other players involved! I should try to incorporate that into my “Star Wars” game somehow. Visit a Hutt controlled planet for some down time while the ship needs some repairs. Mechanic is dirty and overcharges or there's some other dirty play going on (Imperial blockade, but you can bribe an official, but you just spent your last space dollar on repairing the ship). But, conveniently there is a local wrestling competition for amateurs, and the top prize is more than enough to cover the costs of your escape.
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Feb 9, 2015 17:26
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Spekhogger posted:Scarlet drat, that's a hell of a story. Well played all around.
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Feb 26, 2015 15:19
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Good story, and I think the bullets are fine
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Mar 25, 2015 14:47
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Think of it as the play within a play. The characters in the story are acting out another story. And that story is about hitting people in the face with folding chairs. All you need to know about wrestling is that your main goal as a wrestler should not necessarily be to win every match, but to keep the audience entertained. If you engage them by getting them to cheer your technical prowess and your honest personality, then great. If you can get them to hate you by insulting them and cheating, that's just as good.
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Apr 17, 2015 05:55
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Mendrian posted:I remember a guy who insisted on playing a Unicorn lawyer with a giant invisible oar in a Changeling game (the latter is not as much fun as it sounds, it is the opposite of fun). drat it. Now I want to have a piece of treasure called The Oar of Ig'n which massively boosts a player's stealth when equipped, but also makes them less likely to be paid any attention within the group.
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May 27, 2015 17:00
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My Lovely Horse posted:Arthur "Two Skulls" Jackson. "Aww, now he's Arthur 'No Skulls' Jackson"
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Jul 21, 2015 15:07
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Luigi's Discount Porn Bin posted:A campaign I was in recently wrapped up. It was a low-magic setting, and the few spells available tended to be based on classic D&D spells. Spells at level up were randomized, too, so we had a player end up with Magic Mouth. Generally not the most useful spell, but we wrung every last bit of usefulness out of it. There were a lot of conversations like this: I can't stop laughing at this. I love creative interpretations of spells and actions.
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Oct 20, 2015 19:05
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: So the magic mouth... I can place it on any surface, right?
: Anything you can see within 10 feet, sure.
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susan posted:Hey all, odd request: I could use some help coming up with names for a dozen sci-fi Casinos for a Star Wars EotE game I'm running in a couple hours. It's been a long week, and I'm all punned out apparently :P . Throw out the best or best/worst ones you've run into in your gaming history, I'll take anything. Any help would be appreciated; thanks! The Lucky Wampa Jakk Bynyon's Taun Taun Steakhouse Mandalore Bay (Really? I'm the first on this one?) Monte Lando Post poste posted:"Greedo's Shots First!" Certainly "Greedo's Slots First", no?
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Jan 23, 2016 05:02
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the_steve posted:Poor Varis. He only THOUGHT he escaped hell. If he dies, Skeever has to strike a deal with Abeforth's competitor "That's right folks, the Lightning Lord was slain in battle! Dropped dead on the spot after standing toe to to with a dire badger. And why, you may ask? Why due to shoddy craftsmanship on this so called, 'enchanted' robe from Abeforth's Apothecary. Don't be fooled by the popular option. Instead, trust your life to Wizened William's Wards and Wands, for whatever your wizard wants!"
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Aug 31, 2016 01:55
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CobiWann posted:An Enchanter turf war? Well, I mean, that's what I'd do. I'm the guy who goes into Mass Effect and all of a sudden every shop is "my favorite store on the citadel". Hmm...I wonder if there is some sort of similar illusion spell you could conjure up in front of a shop like an animated cigar store Indian. I mean, really, the trick is to have a different adventurer on the team endorse a different shop for a discount. Neither person can go into the competitor's store. Have it be an ongoing sub-plot until some kind of gladiatorial battle between the shop champions to determine the best shop in the land is held.
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Aug 31, 2016 02:23
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Tunicate posted:"Okay, every card in the deck is the one that gives xp" I read this and thought it was a good answer. Then, I misread your name as "truncate" and thought it was perfect. It's still a good answer.
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Nov 9, 2016 15:25
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Doodmons posted:Speaking of best laid plans, my session of Spellbound Kingdoms on Saturday was meant to be a sideplot session because we had a player missing. It was the big annual grand tournament of Rithaign, full of jousting, duelling, athletics competitions, horseracing and gambling. The session was meant to be like 50% saltybets gambling because none of the PCs were actually taking part in the duelling tournament and 50% Olympics Simulator 2016. A bit of a diversion from the kinds of things we normally do, a slightly more lighthearted session after a few absolutely depressing ones and no massive plot twists that our missing player would miss. The athletics tournaments went fine, but I hosed up how many competitors there were supposed to be in the duelling tournament - I had 12, so that meant there were an odd number for the quarter finals. 'No problem' I thought, 'I'll just add a stereotypical Mystery Knight to make up the numbers' and explained that meanwhile the plot of A Knight's Tale had been happening in the background and now the Mystery Knight was in the quarter finals. Mystery Knight made it to the semis, took their helmet off when they were eliminated to receive their runner up prize and: If you really feel this was a mistake, you could throw in a little tension and reveal that your PC Chosen One and the throwaway NPC "Chosen One" are both the chosen one for the same fate. Kind of a Harry Potter vs Neville Longbottom situation. Maybe the 15 year old girl is a patsy, boosted with magics during the tournament so she does much better than expected. Some young girl with her naive head filled with stories from a mischievous wizard, just for kicks. Or some rear end in a top hat sold her some magical trinket that either does nothing at all or does something for a short time before getting used up. I mean, I don't know if you have some BBEG already planned for your Chosen PC to encounter, but bringing in someone to cast doubt on their fate might be an interesting path to take.
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Dec 14, 2016 00:01
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Kumo posted:Here's a fun one. I like it.
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Jan 11, 2017 18:48
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I seem to recall GW getting especially up in arms over the relative ease in which people can now share and 3D print lookalike models from their vast catalog.
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Jan 16, 2017 22:17
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nimby posted:Good thing you just freed an ancient Archdevil that can help! No kidding. Way I see it, that dude owes you a favor.
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Mar 17, 2017 02:33
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CobiWann posted:I hate Wild Magic. Two back-to-back surges saw Varis lose all his clothes and magic items as they circled him in a ten foot sphere AND... Yeah, but now he gets invited to all the parties. "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"  
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Apr 24, 2017 18:41
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OmanyteJackson posted:
OmanyteJackson posted:
OmanyteJackson posted:
Hi, Omanyte? It is Omanyte, right? Good, good. Hey, listen...these things are warning signs. Big bad warning signs. Now, any one of them by themselves might be enough on their own, but combined along with what you have already pointed out is more than enough. These could not be bigger red flags if they were being prominently flown over Tienanmen Square. But this is not to harp on you as GM. You are being very generous with your time and your own personal comfort to try and appease someone else. But look at it this way, if you were a player in this game, and you had to deal with Ms. Personality making the situation weird and uncomfortable and your GM was sitting on their hands, how would you feel? And actually, that doesn't matter. Because you are already creeped out by her behavior. One of your players already killed an NPC to avoid having to deal with her creepyness. I'm not in your loving game, and she's creeping me out. If you really are squeamish about giving her the boot because you are afraid of hurt feelings, ask the other players what they think. If they are all cool with what she's been doing, dump all of them. If, on the other hand they are all rational actors and they say the same poo poo that you are hearing here, drop her stupid rear end.
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May 24, 2017 03:24
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Doodmons posted:Once again, Geoffrey the Safety Skeleton steps into the breach to save lives. Now I picture a skeleton with a neon orange vest, hardhat and flashlight. And every time he opens a door and gets hit with a dart he just turns to camera and gives a thumbs up.
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May 26, 2017 15:40
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CobiWann posted:I could talk about this until I'm blue in the face. What was Set the god of before Hollywood got a hold of him?
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Jun 14, 2017 18:09
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Yawgmoth posted:And how do they teleport back? Why, with Dimension Rift! Using the escalated version to go directly back to Mila and her druidic circle, Mevil rolls the 1d100+30 and... 103. I'm usually pretty good at deciphering these things but I'm a little lost here. Help for the d20-deficient?
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Aug 7, 2017 22:48
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That sounds amazing. Can't wait for the follow up.
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Aug 15, 2017 16:01
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Ze Pollack posted:judges hold up a grudging set of an upside down 7, a 0 and two 5's PMush Perfect posted:Didn't he die from fireball wand up the bum? That was the original apprentice from before the plot started seen in a flashback. This apprentice was killed by a magic phantom arrow that he accidentally set off a chain of deaths with.
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Sep 9, 2017 02:55
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gradenko_2000 posted:Yeah the expectation is that you'd still have to do A Thing to retrieve your weapon, but at least you got to hit and possibly kill your enemy instead of simply losing a turn. "The Ork raises his shield at exactly the right moment, resisting the majority of the blow and takes 1 point non-lethal damage. The reverberation of the block sends a tingling sensation up your arm and you lose 1 accuracy on your next attack"? That's "You failed to land a meaningful blow against the opponent, but still hit", but not "you tripped over your own dumb feet and drove your dagger into your chest" I mean, technically I'm suggesting two negative reactions for a single poor roll, but nothing permanent, nothing lethal, a hit was still landed, so you still did something without whiffing completely, and you are at a slight disadvantage the next time you attempt to attack. Seems reasonable for someone in a melee fight.
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Oct 5, 2017 22:44
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Robindaybird posted:and there's absolutely no point in purposely giving her the wrong medicine, she never fights you at any point, you don't get a better reward, and it's not any harder to get the real medicine - the only reason to do it is to be an absolutely awful person. I think the bad medicine is slightly cheaper, so it allows you to "keep the change" instead of spending it all on the good stuff. But yeah, money is effectively worthless at a certain point in the game, so no good reason other than 
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Nov 4, 2017 02:40
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Post poste posted:Commerce. The noblest pursuit
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Jan 4, 2018 23:47
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CobiWann posted:It took me a second to parse this sentence - Raymond Chandler, not Chandler Bing. "You are suddenly ambushed by a red dragon" "Could I be more intimidated?"
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Jan 29, 2018 17:31
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Personally, I was OK until I got to "big sexual hedonists". That is a red flag made from other red flags
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Apr 29, 2018 15:07
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Pollyanna posted:We've got stories about trainwrecks and cat piss happening in our own games. Are there particularly stupid or hosed up things that happened with an audience to see it unfold, like actual play podcasts and streams? I'm sure there's recordings out there of pain in the rear end players and GMs. I want to believe, but look at it like this. Any podcast or youtube show wants to get a fan base established so they would get internet points, revenue streams or both. I doubt that anyone who has a poo poo tier game holds on to it for long, unless all the players and GM are on the same page about slug monster fuckery. And then, even if you have some godawful long running campaign du catpiss, the only people that would probably be invested enough to subscribe are already playing with you. So, I doubt that the McElroys or Matthew Mercer or Team Four Star are going to suddenly have catpiss introduced (on purpose) to their games. Now, if suddenly someone decides to have a short fill in stint as DM and introduces their weird fetish into a game, that's technically possible. But if it truly crosses that line from "fun" to "bad" , I doubt very strongly that it will see the light of day in any format. If there were recordings of genuinely lovely D&D sessions from other either A) They don't think there is anything wrong with the game and they are unable to see how hosed up they are; Or B) A "normal" person took a trip to The Whizzard's Forest and recorded it for posterity. But you gave me an idea for a youtube show: Live re-enactments of lovely D&D behavior. Collect all the bad stories from this thread (and elsewhere), and build scripts off of them. There are already youtube series based around dealing with bad kinds of players and bad GMs, but those are more generic. Dealing with real world examples of horribleness might have some viewership.
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May 7, 2018 03:46
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CobiWann posted:Personally, I'd love to see some kind of Drunk D&D ala Drunk History. Someone get hammered and explain Ravenloft to me. This is more the vibe I had in mind. Stories passed down third hand, being told by one person and potentially acted out by a handful of other people.
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May 7, 2018 21:22
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With those machines running at full blast, how many rounds would you have to survive before the thing simply died of old age? I mean one age category every round would eventually kill anything short of a god right? I just listened to a podcast where the team killed a black dragon by magically growing a giant oak tree in the middle of it's throat (from the inside out), so creative ways of killing a dragon are on my radar.
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May 29, 2018 21:48
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