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7th Sea, aka Disney's "The Three Musketeers meets "The Pirates of the Caribbean." The Big Bad in the canon setting is Giovanni Villanova, who is one of the Seven Merchants Princes of Vodacce (think the Italy of the Borgias and Mediccis). Basically, Villanova is the smart villain who is evil for the sake of his own power, and anyone bearing his family name, even if they are not evil like him, is given wary respect. When you hear the word "Villanova" in 7th Sea, you quietly panic. Our group consists of... Myself - Vendel (Dutch) mathematician and astronomer of the "Lord Byron" type Javier - Castillian (Spanish) historian who was thrown in jail for "subersive activities against the church," after being ratted out by his fiancee. He acts paranoid, sleeps with his back against the wall, and has shivs hidden everyone on his body. Bianca - Montaigne (French) noblewoman who was forced to leave her country during the Revolution. Concerned with shoes, dresses, parties, and society. Has a small dog (Pomeranian) named "Coco" who we've ended up having legit conversations with that suddenly end with, "why am I talking to you, you're a dog." "Ruff!" Valentino - Vodacce Swordsman who possesses True Faith and a holy sword. May also be the bastard son of Giovanni Villanova... Three of us have played 7th Sea for years. Bianca's player hasn't. Our party is attending a masquerade ball on Villanova's island, because Villanova's sister is one of our party's patrons (long story short, the campaign is 7th Sea meets "Call of Cthulhu" and the GM is doing a KICKASS job freaking out out while letting us get our hero on). I'm arguing with an academic rival, Valentino is talking to a family member, Javier is enjoying the free food. Bianca? "I'm going to explore the villa!" So the GM runs us through our quick little one-on-one scenes, before turning to Bianca. She describes the grandeur and spectacle of a palace that's ostentatious, but tasteful. It's very easy to see that a man of wealth and power lives here. At one point, Bianca comes across a sculpture, and as she's studying it... "What are you doing?" ...says a man in a mask. Bianca and this man start talking art. And Bianca's player was an art major and a graphic designer, so she's pulling it off without making any dice rolls. More importantly, she starts talking about her three travelling companions and the troubles they've gotten into...which the man listens to with great interest. Eventually, the man asks her to dance. So they go to the ballroom floor...and everyone quietly slides away, leaving just her and the man there. It takes a while for the three of us to notice this, but we all turn to see Bianca dancing BEAUTIFULLY with this man. The scene is being roleplayed out in a great, flirting, witty manner by the GM and Bianca's player, and we're enthralled. The song ends, and the man bows and kisses her hand. "I must see you again," the man says. "Will you and your friends come to dinner tomorrow evening at my villa by the sea?" "But of course! I'll need a new dress and shoes, of course. But how will I know how to find you? I never got your name," Bianca says. "How rude of me. My name is Giovanni Villanova." Everyone reading this post figured this out already. NONE of the three male players did. Our jaws hit the floor in stunned silence...as Bianca's player, who has NO CLUE WHO THIS IS, says "Well, I look forward to getting to know more than your name, Senor(sp) Villanova." "And I look forward to getting to know all about yourself and your three colleagues." Javier's player said it best, mumbling quietly as he stared at the floor, head in his hand. "We're so screwed." CobiWann fucked around with this message at 18:56 on Apr 19, 2012 |
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Apr 19, 2012 18:54
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My Lovely Horse posted:I wish there was a way to run games with a Monty Python atmosphere. Not just catchphrases from Holy Grail, the real deal. Probably impossible by definition. Have the players drop acid and play "Toon" or "It Came from the Late Late Show?"
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May 24, 2012 15:59
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Wanderer posted:Cannonball Run I know what I'm having the Etherite do to my Cultist's '67 Stingray next session...
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Apr 22, 2014 19:00
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Finnankainen posted:"I bet we can just suck off the orcs and they'll let us pass. The send in the whores strategy always works." To be fair, I’ve actually done this in a “7th Sea” game – hired a bunch of Jenny’s (prostitutes) from a dockside brothel and sent them to a pirate’s ship “compliments of the madam” as a distraction so the group could sneak on board. And it would have worked if it wasn’t for some gunpowder going off...
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Apr 25, 2014 14:41
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CzarChasm posted:Yeah, but that's a little more "thinking outside the box" and a little less "roll to dodge money shot". Would this be a good place for the story about the time I rolled Improvised Weapon (Prostitute) then?
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Apr 25, 2014 15:37
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CzarChasm posted:Do you even have to ask? Ok, I’ve been playing “7th Sea” for about six straight years now, in two campaign with two different characters. In the first campaign, I played an Avalonian (British) amnesiac, who lost his memory while, it turns out, serving a shady organization as a treasure hunter. The thing is, while I played my post-trauma PC as a blank slate wondering what the hell happened to him, the GM slowly revealed that he was a handsome lech with a wife, TWO fiancées, and a Jenny (prostitute) in drat near every port, and my PC was so good (turns out he had Fae/Glamour blood in him), whenever he showed back up, they’d throw himself at him while he wondered what the HELL was going on. One session saw our group going to a Jenny house in Avalon to receive some information about a bad guy we had been chasing. I had had an off day at work and wasn’t into playing, but didn’t want to skip the session and mess it up for everyone else. So I told the GM I wanted to step back a bit that night, and she made it that when Jack, my PC, showed up, the madam of the Jenny house immediately grabbed him to take him upstairs. This way, Jack was out of the way and the other PC’s could pump their contact for information. Well, one thing led to another and the bad guy ended up showing up TO the Jenny house to confront the group. One PC was in the stables, two more were in the front room, and I was upstairs “enjoying” the madam (off-screen and without description, it wasn’t THAT type of group). The two PC’s in the front room ended up trashing the place as they used plants, pillows, and paintings to defend themselves, while the PC in the stable fought off his attacked by forcing him into the kitchen. In a nice aside, the chef in the kitchen got REALLY upset and ended up smacking the NPC over the head with his soup pan, to which the PC took a taste of it and said “needs more pepper” before running out the door. At this point, that PC went to the bathroom while the scene switched to Jack. So the door kicks open and two Brutes come pouring in. The GM just says “the door opens and two Brutes pour in, what do you do?” “Um…am I clothed? Naked?” “The door opens and two Brutes pour in, tell me what you’re doing or lose your action.” In the course of about three seconds, this is my thought process. 1. The madam took Jack upstairs herself for hanky-panky. Which means Jack and her together must have been REALLY good. 2. Therefore, in the course of the past half hour or so, Jack wouldn’t have yet “finished.” 3. Jack would have laid his clothes, cloak, and sword across the room. So they’re not within easy reach. 4. This is “7th God drat sea.” 5. It worked in “Shoot Em Up.” “One question. Do they have swords drawn?” “No.” “Ok, I turn around and swing the madam into them like she’s body checking them.” Pause. “What?” The other two players are cracking up as I say “I’m declaring we were against the wall, they came in, and since they don’t have swords, I’m going to use the madam to knock them over so I can dive for my sword.” “Um…ok…well, roll Improvised Weapon (Jenny) then.” This is when the other player came back in, and just rolled his eyes and said “For God’s sake, Cobi, can’t you just bang her without rolling dice?” Sadly, I don’t have Improvised Weapon (Jenny), so I throw in some Drama Dice, which give you an extra die for each one you spend. These d10’s explode, so I end up, with a target number of 35, hitting…56? 57? So the Brutes are knocked down, and I declare I’m going for my sword. And with the straightest face I’ve ever seen her put on, the GM says “ok, but it’s going to take you an action to unsheathe your sword from the madam before you unsheathe your sword.” CobiWann fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Jan 20, 2015 |
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Apr 25, 2014 16:09
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Without going into detail, is a PC still an orphan if a necromancer raises their parents as undead monstrosities?
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May 16, 2014 15:58
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petrol blue posted:Heroes get hired by new-raised vampire; her children have distributed her belongings according to her will, and she hires the PCs to build a legal case that she should get them back. New prestiege class - Human Wights Advocate. CobiWann fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Jan 20, 2015 |
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May 16, 2014 18:19
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Last night’s “7th Sea” adventure saw the awarding of XP, and our group’s “Paladin,” a Vodacce Swordsman with the Faith Advantage and a holy sword that glows blue in the face of evil and gives him a limited number of “Faith Dice” to spend on extra actions, decided to up his Rituals knack. Paladin - “I’m going to up my Rituals from 2 to 3. That should help if we have to perform any more impromptu exorcisms.” Fop – “So what does that mean in game terms?” Paladin – “I figured at level 3, I can just lay the flat of my blade against someone to cast out a demon. At level 2, I have to beat them with it to cast out demons. Level 1? I have to stab the evil out of them.” Fop – “Maybe at level 5, you can shoot the evil out of them.” Paladin – “What, carve little crosses on a bullet before I shoot them?” Pause. Paladin – “Hey, can you make hollow point musket balls?” Sadly, the GM said we couldn’t, but my character, the Professor, is now going to talk with the Jeweler’s Guild to see if we can drill a tiny hole in a musket ball and fill it with holy water/rock salt, and the Fop is designing a “demon hunting” dress where the bottom hemline of her skirt is a complete circle of rock salt or blessed silver.
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May 21, 2014 13:06
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Triskelli posted:Wouldn't you be melting lead for musket balls while traveling? Just add the rock salt before pouring the lead into the form. Your accuracy might suffer a bit, but muskets aren't that accurate in the first place. Beats drilling itty bitty holes. Yeah, we don’t melt our own musket balls. We either travel in one character’s INSANELY posh ship, or his INSANELY posh carriage (he has them stashed all over Theah), or by walking through HELL when we’re in a hurry. The mixing rock salt into molten lead…that is a good idea. I went with the Jeweler’s Guild because my character has an “in” with them, but now someone has to get to know the Blacksmith’s Guild. Thanks for the tip!
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May 21, 2014 18:18
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Mr. Maltose posted:Bless a lake, dunk some fools then start a tourist attraction. Yeah, we had that via a Fae spirit - a dip in the waters cleansed corruption. Then it all went south so fast when we tried to dip someone who had Protection from Good on them and corrupted the pool. Sadly, our GM has said she has "plans for rock salt," so I don't think we'll get too far with that aspect. On the other hand, I'm going to ask the Paladin to bless our party's primary quantity of liquid. The Fop's perfume.
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May 22, 2014 03:17
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Another one from “7th Sea.” One of the schools of magic is called Porte, which focuses on teleportation. The mage rips a hole in reality, steps into Hell, walks through with his eyes closed the whole way (the distance walked is MUCH shorter than the actual journey, a week’s trip might only take a few hours), and steps back out at his destination. Opening your eyes in Hell is akin to ending up like the kid at the end of Stephen King’s short story The Jaunt. After fighting and killing a whole bunch of cultists, we were talking about how to dispose of the bodies to avoid drawing the attention of the police, when the fop of our party casually asks “why don’t we just open a Porte hole and throw the bodies into Hell?” There’s a five second pause. Then the paladin speaks up. “NO! No, we are not using Hell as dead body storage! That’s how you get zombies! Or worse, demon-possessed zombies!” CobiWann fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Jan 20, 2015 |
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May 27, 2014 13:43
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Just going to leave this line from last night’s “7th Sea” game here and let you guys imagine the context. “Don’t worry. I have a plan. Spoiler alert, it involves hoes.”
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Sep 24, 2014 13:55
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susan posted:Me GMing this weekend: So, was there any information you wanted to look up while you were still in town? Stars Hollow hides a dark secret.
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Jan 20, 2015 02:19
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“I don’t think of it as necromancy so much as providing homeless spirits with affordable long-term housing.”
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Jan 20, 2015 19:51
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Golden Bee posted:So, I've been a wrestling fan for two decades. As a wrestling fan, that sounds amazing and a great way to get the other players involved! I should try to incorporate that into my “Star Wars” game somehow.
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Feb 9, 2015 14:35
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My friend is running a “Villains and Vigilante’s” campaign. He does a very good job of mixing “serious superheroics” and “stupid comedy” and last night’s big reveal was a masterpiece of groan worthy comedy. The PC’s right now are trying to unravel the mad scheme of an apparently genius scientist who has been stealing large amounts of coal from power plants. His calling card has been that any and all electrical company vehicles (indeed, any utility company vehicle) has been found with flat tires, someone having let all the air out. Last night, they finally confronted the villain. Turns out, they’re going up against two evil super-genius animals. One is a mole who was experimented on by a scientist using a radioactive form of carbon-12 that gave him hyper intelligence and a hatred of humanity. The other is his assistant – a tiny white rat who somehow gained the power of telekinesis after seeing the rest of his pack family run over by a speeding utility truck, and uses his telekinesis to deflate the tires of those vehicles for petty revenge. The mole’s name? Professor Avogadro. The rat’s name? Deflater Mouse.
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Mar 12, 2015 14:46
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Agrikk posted:And here I thought my gaming group was the only group who played V&V. Are you using the original 1979 set? I think I still might have my books around somewhere... I'm not in that particular game (I think like thirteen of us in the same social circle play in six different games with different combinations of players), but I believe he's running the 1982 ruleset from DriveThruRPG.
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Mar 18, 2015 14:36
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Not a story per se, but the preamble to a possible story down the road… At Free Comic Book Day this weekend, my current D&D GM and I were catching up with some old friends who had moved out of the area. GM – “Ok, I’m going to say this because Cobi is right here, I know he won’t say anything, and I know it’ll drive him absolutely insane. Someone in his party has a full-blown wish spell, and they don’t know they have it. I’m just waiting for them to say the magic word so all hell breaks loose.” Cobi – “…that’s brilliant. I’m just thankful it isn’t me.” GM – “How do you know it isn’t you?” Cobi – “I just joined the game. I don’t have any magic items yet. All I have is the gear I started the game with and it’s all mundane.” GM – “That’s right. All you have is what I gave you on your character sheet when you started the game. Everything I gave you.” Cobi – “…I hate you.” X X X X X In return, one of his friends gave us this line when his party found a magic sentient sword that…well…has a history… Sword – “I refuse to be wielded by a dwarf.” Player – “What the…did we find a RACIST talking sword?!?”
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May 4, 2015 14:12
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BlackIronHeart posted:It's really amazing to me that the climax of the entire campaign came from a single line spoken months beforehand and really speaks to improv GMing as none of it was planned in advance. Amazing story! That's the mark of a solid GM...I like the various "fates" of everyone as well.
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May 11, 2015 20:37
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My group just wrapped up a long running “7th Sea” game, and I’m going to take a turn at GM’ing, running “Star Wars” using the old West End d6 rules. Last night was spent doing some character outlines and research so we can actually make the characters and start playing next week, along with just spitballing and shooting the breeze about what kind of campaign they want (smuggling/trading/criminal with some minor Rebellion ties), what era they want to play in (three-to-six-months before Yavin), and so on. This group has been playing for five years (and has been friends for a lot longer), so I figured we could just jump right to the good stuff. “Alright, I’m going to say you guys have a ship. It’s a rundown and beaten up Clone Wars era-ship with an medical droid who’s competent…enough. Tell me how you got this ship.” Without missing a beat, the player running the captain casually says, “Insurance fraud.” So now they have a week to come up with a story about how they lost their old ship or how they’re scamming an insurance company into getting a new ship, and I have a week to come up with some third-rate, fly-by-night galactic insurance company with a Rodian insurance adjustor who figures out their scam and keeps sending low-level bounty hunter trash to try to repossess their ship.
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Feb 10, 2016 12:50
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TheRagamuffin posted:Triple-Aurek. Heh. I'm going to go with AIS - Accredited Intergalactic Services. I'm debating if I want to give them a ship that's obviously run down...or a brand spanking new ship that's actually just been detailed and is actually an old piece of junk, so every time they try something they find out what the "true" die code.
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Feb 11, 2016 14:40
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I’ve been playing in a 5th ed D&D campaign for the past few months with a homebrewed setting. The Dungeon Master (who in the interest of full disclosure is my wife’s ex-husband) has been running D&D campaigns in this setting for over TWENTY years, going all the way back to when he was in college. Aside from having a well-thought out history and pantheon, the coolest thing about this setting is that the actions of the players have become part of the history, so whatever they do during the campaign ends up affecting the larger world. This includes making sure a wedding goes through so that two nations form a powerful empire, funding an insurgency that overthrows a corrupt regime AFTER that campaign has ended, and one PC becoming a “Paul Bunyan tall tales” type among the world’s Illusionists. He also updates the world according to any new classes/races that are added/subtracted per the new official editions. In this campaign, there’s two main plots. One, a Archdevil named Kaos once tried to take over the world but got locked away by the gods (with an assist from the then-players) in a cask with twelve keys scattered around the world. Over time, the cask has become just brittle enough that Kaos can speak through a crack and has started to gather an army of demons, elementals, and dragons to take over the world, with a two-thousand year old elf (who, in elven fashion, holds a major grudge against her own kind) overseeing the earthly aspects of the plan. Two, there once was a demigod named Az who assisted an god who had been kicked out of their own pantheon on another plane and decided to take over this one. The god was defeated and Az was thrown into darkness, his name wiped from all texts and tomes and forgotten by the mortals. He had been forgotten for over 2000 years, so when “The Cult of the Burning Eye” showed up 100 years ago and started talking about how “all gods are just an aspect of the One True God” a few people started to worship that god, who eventually revealed his name to be Az. And because he’s slowly gaining power again, all the tomes and texts that once had his name written inside are reverting to their “original” form. So there’s now a whole bunch of ancient scrolls and tomes out there that are suddenly showing this “new” demigod and are throwing the organized religions for a loop. At the moment, there’s a conclave forming of all the major religious groups and organizations to determine if this “forgotten” god should become an official member of the world’s pantheon. This has the gods themselves worried because of an ancient prophecy that stated “when the Eye turns upon the gods, the gods themselves will fall.” So in response, the gods have begun giving their power directly to a few select Clerics and Paladins, as well as any other “worthy” mortals, so if they do fall their divinity can live on and perhaps allow them to “reform” somewhere down the line. The players (all who have over 10+ years of role-playing experience save one) Fallinrae – Elven Paladin, Knight of the Swan, sworn to Dynae, the Storm Queen, goddess of light, beasts, weather, agriculture, and fertility. Strict, honorable, loyal, has a unicorn for a steed. Tellisyn – Elven Fighter/Eldritch Knight who has made contact with the Faewild and is slowly becoming a Fighter/Warlock. Her grandmother is the two-thousand year old elf who is working for Kaos. Out of her entire family tree she is the only one who is Good and is bloodsworn to stop her grandmother. So far we’ve slain two of her cousins and gathered one of the Kaos keys for safekeeping. Feels like she's not living up to the challenge. Aiena – Greensidhe (Halfling) Cleric who had the blood of Siyri, the Blessed Lady, goddess of healing and mercy, in her veins. Happy. Chipper. Bouncy. Think Tasslehoff Burrfoot on a two-week cocaine binge. She’s communed directly with Siyri several times, but she’s a crisis of faith as it turned out that one of the angels of Siyri she had talked to was really a daeva pledged to Az. Ksena – Human Monk of the Order of Emanyn, the Wave Master, god of water. She had been cloistered her entire life in a monastery, so it was her who realized that a book she had been studying for months was now talking about this demigod Az who she had never heard of. She’s travelling with the party to find more books to back up her claim about Az coming back and more importantly track down the author of these books, a seemingly immortal bard. Seeing the world for the first time and is a mix of intrigued and confused. Has been “chosen, but not yet called” by an secret order of all-female Monks of Emanyn. Skeever – Lizardman Barbarian/Bard who is pledged to Halaal, Draconic Goddess of Trickery, Muses, and Humor. Skeever was once a gnome. Then he died. And Halaal chose him to be reincarnated as her champion upon the world, only for the Trickster God Cymber to cause him to come back as a Lizardman instead of a gnome. To make up for this change, Halaal gave him a book that allows him to talk to her directly as well as scribe the deeds of his party so, if they’re worthy enough, their legend can endure throughout the ages of the world. Is slowly turning from a Lizardman to a Copper Dragonborn, and thinks his new acid breath is nothing more than indigestion. So all five of them have been touched by the gods in some manner. Then there’s… Cullus – Halfling Rogue. Dungeon Delver. VERY interested in how the gold is divvied up. Sends a large portion of his gold somewhere anytime the party is in a major town with a delivery service. Makes no bones that he’s not a nice guy, even though he IS a nice guy. Has the best reason to stay with our group. “I’m not here for the gods or to save the world. I’m only here because you guys keep stumbling into more money than I’ve ever seen in my life!” Varis Stormglass – my character. Halfsidhe (half-elf) Draconic (bronze) Sorcerer. Son of a elven noblewoman and a knight from the Lawful Evil empire of Korvis. Orphaned when the father was killed for “siring a racially impure bastard” and the mother died three years later of stomach cancer. Raised by his father’s sister on the edge of a small farming town, dabbled more in alchemy and folk medicine than his sorcery. Killed a Banshee who was threatening his town through sheer luck and became a local Folk Hero. Ended up travelling with the party due to the standard “had a dream to be at this location on this day” cliché. Only 19 years old, incredibly unsure and nervous outside of combat, incredibly confident and heroic in combat when he’s slinging magic around. Nicknamed “The Lightning Lord” by Skeever (and picked up by the rest of the party) because of all the “great deeds” Varis does and because is embarrasses the HELL out of Varis. Said “great deeds” have seen him nicknamed “The Slayer of Gorgons,” “The Tamer of Cyclops,” “Banisher of the Behir,” “Daeva’s Bane,” and “Dances with Devils.” Is not bound to any one god (acknowledges the gods exist but doesn't really worship any of them) but has been “touched” by Riva, the Weaver of Fate, god of fortune and destiny, to perform one great and world-changing event in his lifetime. X X X X X So last session, our party is traveling through a Lawful Good theocracy on the way to the capital city of Caern Kell. The other religious groups and organizations are having a secret conclave about Az, but the theocracy told them “you’re all idiots” and is preparing for the upcoming holy war. We’re looking to get the location and invitation from the Priest King so we can crash the conclave and convince everyone just how evil and horrible Az is. We stop in the port town of Galesport for the evening, and by virtue of being an adventuring party the locals fawn all over us. It’s a nice roleplaying moment – Varis does some prestidigitation cantrips for the crowd, Skeever deals with a group of children who are following him and trying not to be seen – and we settle in for the night. Then the bells ring. “PIRATES!” Ok, we’re thinking this is going to be a nice distraction, an easy fight to keep us on our toes heading towards Caern Kell. The GM puts down the dock tiles, puts the plastic overlay on it, and sets out six pirates figures – four brutes, one first mate (with fringed shoulders) and one captain (with cape and hat). The great thing about this GM is he’s got a figure for EVERYTHING. His rule is “I will only throw it against you IF I have a figure for it.” So he’s got a nice mix of old and new school D&D figures, along with some Pathfinder and Reaper models and a few from other games like “Warhammer Fantasy.” The fight begins, the first mate blow a horn to summon a water elemental, we say “ok, this is going to be a bit harder than we thought, but still no sweat.” Then the captain, on her turn, yells “CANNON!” We’re thinking this means the ship is going to run out the cannons – which is weird because the ship is actually at dockside and has nothing to shoot at. Until, like a Transformer, THIS raises off the deck.   Yep. A Cannon Golem. It came with the Pathfinder Pirate Pack and the GM decided “there’s no way I CAN’T throw this at my players.” So he stats it up, and on its first turn it fires a cannonball at the bunched up melee. On impact, it hits the target for 3d6 and blows everyone within a square 2 squares away on a failed Dex save and pushes them back 1 square on a Dex save. Well, it knocks everyone down and sends the unicorn into the water, and meanwhile the thing’s “arm” is an auto-reloading mechanism that instantly loads a new cannonball for next round. The Rogue and I look at each other…and he leaps onto the ship while I Misty Step into the hold. The rest of the party is dealing with the pirates and the water elemental, but the water elemental casts Spirt Guardians…which ends up taking out more of the pirates than the party since the party kept getting knocked down because of the drat animals. Cullus dodges a swipe from the Golem’s blade and gets nicked by the other one (he did the “take half damage” Rogue thing) before climbing the Cannon Golem’s arm and using a piton to JAM the Golem’s reloading mechanism. He spends the next three rounds dodging the HELL out of the Golem to keep its attention while in the hold, using a mix of my 10 STR Sorcerer, Mage Hand, and some very creative use of Misty Step, I manage to get a metal plate (probably used to fix/repair the Golem) on the hold’s floor right underneath the Golem. With six barrels of gunpowder on the plate. Cue “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” Cue Cullus LEAPING off the side of the boat (where the unicorn, who was still in the shallow water, manages to catch him). Cue my character using a Wand of Witchfire to set off the trail of gunpowder leading to the barrels before diving off the boat... The metal plate directed a good chunk of the explosion straight up, though the rest of the explosion kind of maybe blew out the side of the hold. The Golem FLIES into the air…and crashes back down to the deck. And through the deck. And through the hold floor. And the hull. The good news is, the ship sank and pinned the Golem underneath it and without the Captain once we took her out, it went inert. The bad news is I missed my chance to become Captain Varis Stormglass of the sloop “Lightning Lord,” but it did get “Sinker of Sloops” added to my titles. The monk just patted me on the shoulder and said Emanyn appreciated the offering. X X X X X Now, Skeever has always been a mix of Barbarian and Bard, but with the threat of Az on the horizon he decided that one of the best ways to fight the demigod was to spread the “non-gospel of Az” about he’s an evil jerk. This means becoming an actual bard, complete with musical instrument and song singing ability. There’s just one problem – he’s physically incapable of playing a musical instrument. He doesn’t have the lips for a wind instrument (not even a kazoo, he tried) and his claws keep breaking the strings on lutes and harps. And drums? Just give him a headache. So he’s trying to figure out a way to perform without a musical instrument…and he comes up with a brilliant idea. Puppets. Yes, puppets, ala Banjo from The Order of the Stick. He’s got the Az puppet on one hand, the peasant puppet on the other hand. We’re walking south through the grasslands towards Caern Kell and he pulls me aside. “Varis, check this out!” Az – “I’m the All Seeing Eye and I’m all powerful. Make me a god!” Peasant – “No, you’re not a god! You’re nothing!” Az – “I am a god! No one can stand before me!” Peasant – “I know who can!” And here comes the tail. And a puppet on the end of his tail. A puppet that looks a LOT like my character. Varis – “I’m the Lightning Lord and I say you’re nothing!” A little prestidigitation and lightning shoots from the tail to the Az puppet. Az – “Ah! I can’t defeat the Lightning Lord! And…scene!” Varis (real) – “Oh, no, Skeever. No, no, no, no, no, no.” Skeever – “Why not?” Varis – “I’m not…I’m not going around shooting gods with lightning! This event never happened!” Skeever – “When the legend beats the fact, puppet the legend.” Varis – “There wasn’t any legend! Or fact! This is…I never approved you to use my likeness! drat it, Skeever! I am not a fan of this!” Skeever – “Why not? You don't like the show? Give me an honest critique." Varis - "Ok, fine. For one, the plot is farfetched!" Skeever - "Who cares? You’re defeating a wannabe god! The people will love it!” Varis – “I don’t want his attention on me! A god named ‘The All-Seeing Eye’ hears that there’s some 19 year old Sorcerer saying he’s blasting him with lightning and what do you think is going to happen?” And now the Paladin speaks up. Fallinrae – “You know, what if you said Varis was a demigod himself?” Varis – “I AM NOT A DEMIGOD!” Fallinrae – “Not yet. Skeever?” Skeever – “THAT’S A WONDERFUL IDEA! I’m going to make sure that you become a demigod Varis! The god of lightning!” Varis – “I…” Skeever (with his book out, writing) – “Dear Halaal, today Varis agreed to work towards becoming a demigod.” Varis – “For the record, I am not comfortable with this.” Skeever – “Varis was modest in his decision.” Fortunately, a leather-clad Devil, four githyanki, and a young red dragon showed up before things got worse. CobiWann fucked around with this message at 17:43 on Apr 25, 2016 |
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Feb 22, 2016 18:33
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There are players who are evil for evil's sake and then there are players who are evil because "WHY THE gently caress NOT?" Funbux is the best thing ever.
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Feb 25, 2016 11:30
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I’m sorry – did your party just invent the necromantic projectile delivery system?
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Mar 3, 2016 13:12
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So before I post this week's session of our D&D campaign, let me pose this question. What do you do if you encounter a flumph in the Underdark?
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Mar 8, 2016 17:36
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And what should you do if the plumph offers you the gift of an egg?
CobiWann fucked around with this message at 18:10 on Mar 8, 2016 |
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Mar 8, 2016 18:06
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So a couple of sessions ago, our party was exploring some elven ruins on the Fae Isles, which is the home of elven civilization on Tanicus. However, elven civilization is restricted to the shores and rivers as the deep jungle is the domain of demons and other infernal creatures. During the incursion of Kaos about 1000 years ago, the Fae Isles was the site of a brutal war between Kaos, his general Az (the evil demigod who’s trying to become a full-blown god), and a legion of demonic hordes against the elves. The elves “won” by banishing Kaos but lost most of their cities and civilization in the process. While exploring some of these ruins while trying to track down one of Telleysin’s (our Eldritch Knight) grandmother’s (the long-lived elf who wants to destroy the elves once and for all with the help of the demons) agents, our party was trapped in the cellar of a Temple of Dynae (goddess of light) due to some hobgoblins exploding a whole bunch of gunpowder to seal us in. With nowhere else to go, our party began travelling through the tunnels that ran underneath the Fae Isles, which serve as Tanicus’ “Underdark.” We fought hook horrors, ropers, gelatinous cubes, ran from a purple worm the size of a bridge (while siccing a giant spider on it to buy us some time), and encountered some Drow. Actual Drow from Faerun. It turns out that Telleysin’s grandmother made a deal with a minor Drow noble house after opening a demonic portal. In return for magical artifacts from Tanicus, the house sent some Drow and a few Driders to serve her. Luckily, we managed to close the portal with the assistance of a behir, who after being trapped underground for nearly 2500 years said he would help us ONLY if my Sorcerer could withstand a lightning bolt from him. Which I did. Barely. We fought back the Drow and the behir slipped through the portal before it closed because he was looking for new elves to eat. We finally made it to the city of the dark elves, elves who were trapped underground after the demonic war and chose to remain underground once they made contact with the surface elves. And it turns out Telleysin’s grandmother was actually living in the city, travelling across Tanicus with the aid of teleportation circles while maintaining the guise of a humble breadmaker. So there’s the big “I could kill you, but I won’t” scene where Telleysin and her grandmother face off before the grandmother teleports away and almost collapses the house on us. Needing to get back to the surface, the dark elves tell us of an old wizard’s tower about a day’s walk that had a teleportation circle which would take the party right to Summertide, the capital city of the elves. So we’re walking along…and the thief senses something floating towards us. We’re thinking “beholder” or “banshee” and get ready when it floats into view… “Hey, man. How’s it hanging?” It’s a flumph. The thief PANICS. Turns out that in a previous campaign his Paladin somehow died at the hands of a flumph through a series of horrible and accidental dice rolls. Rolls so horrible and accidental, they caused a flumph to accidentally kill a Paladin. After a few good-natured minutes of “KILLER GM” accusations, we approach the flumph. The GM plays him as a stoned surfer dude mixed with Oddball from Kelly’s Heroes, absolutely wasted from all the “negative waves” it’s been soaking in (which is a sign that powerful telepaths are nearby – in this case a group of bugbears in service to a cabal of Mind Flayers who claimed the tower). He manages to eventually get all this information out, before turning to our Lizardman and going “hey, child, things are going to get easier. But the heartburn is going to suck.” (this is the Lizardman who has transformed into a Dragonborn as Tanicus is brought up to 5th Edition rules). Then it turns to my Sorcerer. Flumph – “Hey, man. Are you a dragon?” Varis – “Kind of. I have dragon ancestry.” Flumph – “Are you, like, a good dragon? Varis – “I do my best.” Skeever (Bard/Barbarian) – “He’s the Lightning Lord! He’s amazing!” Varis – “Skeever!” Flumph – “Lighting Lord. Righteous.” He reaches into…somewhere…and pulls out an egg. A medium sized brown egg with red spots. Flumph – “I was told to give this to a good dragon, man. You look like a good dragonman.” Varis – “Um…” Ksena (Monk) – “Varis, it’s impolite to turn down gifts from strange flumphs.” So that’s the story of how my Sorcerer got an egg from a stoned flumph. I packed it in a towel, braced it as best I could in my backpack, and promptly forgot about it as we escaped the “Underdark.” Of course, the GM didn’t forget the egg. Especially during this week’s session when our party was in front of High King Killian Thunderlance the III of Caern Kell explaining about the evils of Az when whatever was inside decided it was time to hatch…
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Mar 8, 2016 18:41
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To continue… This week’s session kicked off with our group arriving in Kaeryn Kell, capital of the High Kingdom and Protectorate of Kaeryn, a Lawful Good theocracy based on chivalry and order, with a mix of “the High King is whoever can kick the asses of the other Kings.” In this case, it’s High King Killian Thunderlance the Third who commands an army of knights, paladins, and griffins. Dedicated to the worship of Arwin, the goddess of heroism and the positive aspects of war, they’ve been in a long cold war (with hot flashes) with the neighboring Lawful Evil kingdom of Corvis. Currently, Corvis has taken control of a vital keep and bridge in the north of Kaeryn, cutting off trade to Kaeryn’s northern allies and causing the forces of Kaeryn to be stretched thin. Last time, I wrote about Az, a demigod who is trying to become a full-fledged god and has amassed a cult and the means to grant cleric domain spells. The Cult of Az states that “all eighteen gods are really aspects of one god Az,” when in reality Az wants to become a god so he can release Kaos and destroy the entire world. Why? Because they betrayed him during the last great celestial war, when Az made the choice to ally his army of humans with an army of demons in order to have the numbers to beat Kaos’ hordes and in return was locked away by the gods for “allying with the infernal.” With evidence of Az’s powers, the major religious groups and orders are having a secret conclave in order to determine whether or not Az is truly the nineteenth god and to grant him official godhood which would increase his power and allow him to crack open Kaos’ prison. In response, Kaeryn said “you all are idiots” and refused to attend the conclave. The next week, Corvis took the bridge and keep. Coincidence? X X X X X So our groups is gathered before the High King and his queen as well as the High Priest. In the far corner, sulking, is a Monk of Bile (pronounce “beh LAY”), the god of night, winter, and wolves who had come here to petition the High King for aid (he ties into the next session). The five group members who have been touched by the gods (the Paladin, the Eldritch Knight, the Monk, the Barbarian Bard/Dragonborn, and the Cleric) are in the middle of laying out the truth of Az to the High King as my Sorcerer and the Rogue are standing off to the side, bored but trying to look interested. As mentioned earlier, the Rogue is in it only for the loot and my Sorcerer feels way over his head and lets everyone else do the talking. So as the High King and the group are currently discussing how there has been a rising number of demon-touched children (the introduction of Tieflings) being born in Corvis and how the first generation of them are currently obtaining power… DM – “Varis, give me a perception check.” Me – “12.” DM – “Ok, your backpack shifts a little bit.” I look over at the Rogue for a moment before readjusting my straps and continuing to try to listen, not noticing that the GM’s wife (our Monk) is failing to hide a huge grin. A few minutes later… DM – “Varis, another perception check.” Me – “Natural 20!” DM – “You just heard something pop in your backpack. It sounded like an egg cracking.” Me – “…oh, by Reva.” Yeah, the egg the flumph gave me in the Underdark has decided to hatch while I’m standing in front of the High King. Me – “Um…my apologies my Lord.” HK – “Yes? I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name earlier.” Me – “Varis Stormglass of Dale. I apologize my Lord, but…I need to use the privy.” HK – “The privy?” (at this point, the Paladin’s player has his head in his hands trying not to crack up) Me – “Yes…um…I’m sorry…” HK – “Very well. One of our knights will show you to the privy.” Me – “Thank you, my Lord. Cullus, can you accompany me?” Rogue – *blinks* “Huh?” Me – (making the “dude, come with me” motion with my eyes) “I believe…our breakfast isn’t agreeing with me. I could use some of your…medicinal herbs.” Rogue – “We didn’t have breakfast. We came right to town from camp.” Me – (making the “DUDE, COME WITH ME” motion with my eyes) “I…saw some apples hanging from a tree and picked one. It must not have been ripe yet.” Rogue – “You’re our cook! You should know better…” Me – (making the “DUDE, COME WITH ME!” motion with my eyes, adding my hand on my stomach for emphasis and using Prestidigitation to add some rumbling noises) So with that scene, we step out of the throne room. My backpack is shaking by this point, and I barely manage to make the privy in time. Guard – “Here you go. I will wait for you and escort you back once you are finished.” Me – “Oh, there’s no reason for you to wait. You may return to your duties.” Guard – “Sorry sir, I have to escort you. Orders and all that.” Me – “I understand. Cullus?” Rogue – “Whoa, Varis…” Me – “I…may need a hand...” Rogue – “…” The guard gives us a strange look, but nothing like the look the Rogue gives me as we step into the privy. But his eyes get wide as I put the egg in the middle of the washbasin. So as the group is making final arrangements with the High King to be the official delegation of Kaeryn, the Rogue and the Sorcerer are in the privy watching an egg hatch. It hatches… …and out comes a pseudo-dragon. Red and copper, four legs, wings, and a stinger on the end of its tail. It cracks the shell open, steps out, spreads it wings, and looks at me. PD – “Who are you?” *said in a low, raspy lisping voice* Me – “Um…I’m Varis.” PD – “Varis…who am I?” Me – “Um…” Rogue – “He’s your daddy!” I eventually named him “Cadavel” after the Rogue’s last PC (killed and digested by a Flail Snail). And as the pseudo-dragon climbs up on my shoulders as my new familiar, he accidentally stings me and I manage to roll another natural 20 to not get knocked out for 5 hours. The guard does a double take as the three of us walk out and he sees the creature on my shoulders… Rogue – “Something Varis ate.” So we walk back into the throne room, and everyone stops and stares at us. The Rogue and I just walk up to where we were standing before and act like nothing happened. The scene finishes up with the Paladin remaining behind to talk to the High King as both are sworn to Arwin. They eventually walk out together… HK – “Have you ever noticed that when the gods come calling, they never call on members of their order? Those who have dedicated their lives to study and meditation are the most rigid and inflexible when it comes to new ideas. No, my friend, when the gods call on us, they call upon the misfits and the outsiders.” *come out of the throne room to see Cullus with a piece of meat on the end of his dagger and Cadavel darting his head out to grab it* Paladin – “Well, the gods have definitely sent us a pair of agnostic misfits.” X X X X X The session ended with our group encountering a group of Sidhe assassins. The Rogue managed to make a Spot check and noticed them sulking in the alley. As we walked past, the Barbarian and the Paladin both made Intimidation checks and simply said “do not even try it.” Three of the assassins ran, their boss and three other stayed. Easy fight to end the session, and eventually there’s one left standing. We want to take him for interrogation, so I moved two squares away from him, cast Shocking Grasp to make my hands crackle, and mentally told my familiar “look intimidating.” Roll Intimidate. Natural 1. The pseudo-dragon sneezes. There’s a silent pause. The assassin blinks…and starts to laugh. He laughed so hard that he just threw down his daggers and said “oh, by the gods that’s TOO CUTE” between bouts of giggling. Me – “Really. That’s your intimidating face?” Familiar – “I’m not intimidating yet!” X X X X X One last bit – apparently, naming the familiar “Cadavel” was a bad idea. Because the DM ended the session with a cutaway to the Elemental Plane of Fire and an Efreet looking up from its pile of gems and muttering “Cadavel returns…”
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Mar 11, 2016 01:24
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Trast posted:A dumb question here. Is that one of the vinyl game mats with a piece of plastic over it to write on? How does that work out for you? I'm wanting to buy a mat but even wet erase markers seem to leave stains on them. Yes it is. Our GM either throws down a vinyl mat or pre-done tiles and puts the plastic over it. It works great for us, though I admit I don't know what kind of markers he uses. I'll ask him today when I see him. Also, another tip - he brings a laser pointer so those of us whose figures are on the far side of the table can point to where we want to move/target a spell on the mat. Edit - it's plexiglass and dry erase. CobiWann fucked around with this message at 20:16 on Mar 12, 2016 |
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Mar 12, 2016 18:02
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Golden Bee posted:(Due to a plot twist, there ended up being two.) Now that's just silly and over-the-top.
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Mar 15, 2016 14:09
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As per this past weekend's session, according to my GM my Sorcerer's "Summon Monsters" spell may positively, absolutely, 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt NOT conjure up a kender.
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Apr 7, 2016 15:58
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A few weeks ago, I made an off-hand mention to my Star Wars group that West End Games had done a Ghostbusters RPG. One player’s response was “why the hell aren’t we playing THAT game?!?” A few days later my D&D DM catches me after church. His Thursday night Villains & Vigilantes game is about to wrap up and he is going to start a Ghostbusters game at the player’s request. He knew I was a huge fan of the movie and cartoon series and wanted to know I would pla… “Yes.” X X X X X The premise of the Ghostbusters RPG is that the original Ghostbusters in New York City are opening franchises around the world. This particular campaign takes place in Boston in the year 1985. To go one step further, the “style” of the game is like we’re a summer replacement television series on ABC. Each adventure takes place over one session like it’s a television episode, with colorful characters, act breaks, and commercials at dramatically appropriate moments. There’s also a limit on swearing and the like because “it’s a family show. Sort of” The first session starts with Louis Tully interviewing the four PC’s who end up getting hired (since we were the only four who interviewed). This adventure was “the pilot” to see if the show got picked up, which allowed us to feel out our characters, get used to the rules, and make any changes we wanted to make before the “official premiere.” The system is incredibly simple. Each PC has four stats - Brains, Muscle, Moves, Cool. You start with twelve points to divide between them, but you also pick one “talent” for each stats. For example, Brains could have the talent of Physics, or Chess, or Navigation, whatever you want to make up. You roll six-siders based on your stat, and if you can tie your talent into the roll somehow you add three extra dice. However, one of the dice is a Ghost Die (like the Wild Die from Star Wars RPG). 1-5, you add to your total. You roll a Ghost (six), you don’t get to add the number and something happens. Could be bad, could be good. If ghosts roll a Ghost on their die however, they get more powerful. The first session sees us hired to deal with a ghost at a pub called the Copper Hammersmith, which was haunted by the previous owner, a skinflint named McCashenkerry. There’s an appropriate amount of property damage, some good quips, the introduction of the Big Bad at the very end (where none of the PC’s could see her) and a good time was had by all. With the start of the second session, the team was… Nachmann Wittgenstein (me) – the Stantz of the group, good with all things mechanical and electrical. The driver of the group and the guy who sees the technical manuals that came with the proton accelerators as “guidelines.” Talents are Auto Repair, Shoving Things, Boston Traffic, and I Know A Guy. Also incredibly, incredibly Jewish. Mother dotes on him and brings the Ghostbusters dinner at their HQ (with is a decommissioned Catholic church in Cambridge that was once dedicated to St Julian the Hospitaller, aka the Patron Saint of Witch Hunters). Played in the show by Gilbert Gottfried. Doctor Hawkston – the Venkman of the group, his focus is on Cool and more on Parapsychology than anywhere else. Has degrees all over his office wall from various West Coast universities. Bragged about lecturing at Harvard once. The lady’s man. Played in the show by a young Rob Lowe. Doctor Rigby – the Spengler of the group, her focus is on Physics. The only one of us who has actually READ the manuals. Has three cats who live in the church (one of her talents is “Putting Sweaters on Cats”). The player has a long list with three columns of scientific-sounding words that she throws together when appropriate. Played in the show in her first major television role by Sandra Bullock (think Love Potion No. 9). Jack Wagner – the Zeddmore of the group, his focus is the heavy lifting side of things. A former Red Sox player who blew out his knee. Serves as a replacement for another character from the pilot who wasn’t quite working out for the producers (aka the player reworked him). Keeps getting phone calls from the Houston Astros to try out for them. Played by…well, imagine any former NFL/NBA/MLB star who tried to make the switch to acting in the late 70’s/early 80’s like Bubba Smith. Our equipment – four walkie-talkies, four protons packs, two traps, one AMC 1982 Matador, one pair of ecto-goggles, one bullhorn, and one beach kit, which “triples the fun of any trip to the shore!” X X X X X quote:Ghostbusters, Friday, 8 pm, ABC. “Pockman’s Arcade.” - The team must deal with a haunted video game machine. The team gets a call that takes them to Boston Common. But instead of the luxury apartment building or the high-end department store, the address is for a little one-story arcade squished between the two buildings. The owner of the place is one Mario Pockman, a short Italian man who dresses in a blue jumpsuit with red overalls with a thick mustache and outrageous Italian accent, played by 70’s and 80’s character actor Avery Schreiber. He has all the hottest new games – Tae Kwan Do Champ, Marble Mania, Galaxxon, Dig Doug – but every night at sundown, ghosts come out of some of the machines and scare off all the kids! As Nachmann joins in the line at Avenue Fighter to play against the teenagers and get some information from them, the doctors walk around with their PKE meters out – Rigby knows how to read it properly, Hawkston just knows that when the leads are at the top and it’s flashing there’s a ghost nearby – and determine that one of the machines, Galactic Conquerors, is emanating a lot of psychic energy. Plus, the screen is flickering at a steady pace with a “BZZT” sound. Wagner uses Nachmann’s screwdriver to open up the side…and gets slimed as the innards shoot ectoplasm all over him. Turns out the flickering was from a loose wire, but Dr. Rigby realizes that the ectoplasm (she scooped some off of Wagner) is more gritty and coarse than normal ectoplasm, which has the consistency of Gak. The scientists and Jack head back to the church to analyze the ectoplasm while Nachmann stays around to observe what happens at sundown…and keep kicking the butts of these punk teenagers at Avenue Fighter. Back at the lab…which consists of one microscope…it turns out that the gritty material in the ectoplasm are little glowing squares. They’re freely floating around until the sun goes down. As Rigby watches, the blocks begin to come together, and every time they touch they double in size. In a few seconds, they shoot out from the sample and come together in mid-air to form a big alien from Galactic Conquerers. Without their proton packs handy, the three are sent scrambling as the alien goes flying around the vestibule dropping slime everywhere. Back at the arcade, Nachmann is deep into a game of Avenue Fighter and getting the hell beat out of him by the computer. The shot is from the inside of the machine through the glass as he fails his Brains roll. Behind him, the Galactic Conquerors machine is glowing even though the power is turned off. It’s spitting out little blocks that are forming in the air, and after a few seconds there are four lines of eight aliens a piece, all marching towards me as Nachmann as he loses his fight to the fighter in the blue gi, Ron. “Ah, man,” he says as we cut to commercial, “I lost.” Once we’re back from commercial, the team at the church is dealing with the flying alien…which is mainly trying to avoid getting hit by the slime, to which Dr Rigby is unsuccessful, while trying to grab their proton packs. At the arcade, Nachmann manages to notice the aliens at the last minute and hit the decks. With all the kids running around due to the appearance of “some gnarly looking holograms” however, he can’t get to my proton wand (rolled a Ghost on my Moves roll). So he grabs a handful of quarters and starts chucking them at the aliens, hitting one. At that, a little sign appears over the armada that says “1-UP” as the armada doubles in size. After making a Brains check to realize they’re moving in pattern, Nachmann says “ah, forget this” and just starts shooting at them, but due to his dive the proton pack can only fire in little short and straight bursts, each one making a little “blip” noise. By now, the arcade is completely empty except for a kid playing the Jamaican knock-off of Pac-Man called Poc-Mon. The kid is played by that annoying red-haired friend of John Connor’s from the early part of Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Nachmann manages to cut down half the armada when they retreat…and a UFO comes out of nowhere, laying down a trail of slime that manages to catch him, leaving a perfect line of slime up the front of, across his head, and down his back. Frustrated, he turns towards the machine and blasts the hell out of it. It explodes in a shower of sparks, and the aliens all disappear including the one back at the church with Hawkston was just about to blast with his proton pack. After taking credit for driving it away, Hawkston and the others race back to the arcade just in time to see Nachmann and Mario come charging out of the front door with a yellow ghost right behind them. It stops at the edge of the doorway before turning around and heading back inside. Now there are a purple ghost, a green ghost, and a yellow ghost roaming the rows of the arcade. The kid is STILL playing Poc-Mon as he’s at level 23 and there’s no way he’s leaving. Hawkston spouts his catchphrase (“I have a plan,” complete with the half-body turn and finger pointed almost towards the viewers) and runs inside, with Jack following him. The yellow ghost turns back towards the door and actually makes it outside. It’s about to catch Nachmann and Rigby, but it suddenly disappears only to reappear at the back door to the arcade and slams into Jack. Who finds himself teleported to the change kiosk directly into the center of the arcade. And above his head, three little green Poc-Mon symbols appear before one of them disappears with a “wah wah wah wah wah doink doink.” Yep. We all have three lives. Hawkston decides that if he can get into the basement and cut the power, the ghosts will stop. However, every time he goes into the basement he finds himself in the back alley just outside the basement steps. The ghosts are getting faster, and he can’t make it back to the center of the arcade without getting got. Nachmann grabs the bullhorn and yells “ASK THE KID IF THE GHOSTS HAVE A PATTERN!” “What?!?” “HE’S PLAYING THE GAME, HE MUST BE GOOD AT IT!” “Um…alright. Hey, kid? How do these ghosts move?” “Shut up! I’m almost at level 26” “And I’m almost about to die!” “Ok…go up two rows and turn left. There should a power crystal in the corner!” “…got it?” Hawkston runs, while Wagner makes it to the corner office and finds three bundles of bananas floating in mid-air which turn out to be oddly filling. Hawkston isn’t as fast as the ghost however, and he finds himself cut-off by the green ghost. However, Hawkston is in the pinball section, there’s an air hockey table right in front of him, and his Muscles Talent is “Flipping Tables.” He flips the table, runs to the glowing white crystal hovering against the wall… “Now what?” “Eat it!” “What?!?” “OH JUST LISTEN TO THE KID AND EAT THE drat THING, HAWKSTON,” Rigby yelled from outside. He somehow eats the whole thing…and with a triumphant noise, the ghosts all turn red and run away. He sprints after them, catches them, eats them and sends them back to the center of the arcade. This allows the rest of the team to come inside. Realizing they can’t shoot the machine with the kid still playing it (“one more level and the game will flip over back to level 1, and it gets even HARDER”), so Wagner suggests the next best thing. All four of the Ghostbusters shoot the center column which all the machines in that section are plugged into. The machine sparks out…as do a whole bunch more…and the ghosts all disappear. The kid gets upset (“I was about to flip the game! You guys suck!”) and storms out. Before the team could follow him (thinking he might be the source of the haunting, and Hawkston realizes if he’s a punk kid he comes from a troubled home that might just have a single mom), they realized that there’s one machine still running even though there wasn’t any power to it. King of Kong. And the green ape’s face was on the screen, laughing at the team, pointing at them with a crooked finger. “Oh, you son of…” Punching the screen was a bad idea, as before Nachmann could hit the surface a blue spark flew out and sent him flying across the room right into the pinball machine for Crom the Conquerer. “drat it,” Nachmann says as Wagner pulled him out, “I wish I could crawl into that there machine and punch that monkeyed-up simian right in the face!” Pause. “Well, we could take the positronic neutrons caused by our proton accelerators and use them to alter our spatial-temporal rationales, accounting for the 8-bit factor and possible MIDI compression, to take the biological code that make up our component parts and digitize it, thus changing ourselves into virtual avatars that could enter the video game and travel along the electronic pathways to the processor at the core of the gaming cabinet. Once we’re inside, it should be a simple matter to confront this King of Kong and reduce him to nothing more than bits of fragmented code.” “…did anyone here understand that?” “Yeah, Mrs. Doctor is talking about souping up our proton wands and zapping ourselves into the machine there.” “Hold on a minute. I thought messing with the proton wands was a bad idea.” “Don’t worry. There’s a very slim chance I could get the calculations wrong.” “There’s a label on the bottom of the backpack that says ‘CAUTION – CONTAINS NUCLEAR WASTE!’” “So Nachmann and I will wear gloves.” X X X X X Quotes for the session… “I’m gonna go put my quarters down on that there machine, see if I can get in a game or two.” “Do you know anything about video games, Nachmann?” “…I’m a single Jewish guy in his mid-20’s who lives with his mother. Of course I know about video games.” “Ah! My Galatic Conquerers machine! It’s-a ruined!” “We’re sorry, but you did sign a waiver…” “Don’t worry, it’s-a insured.” “Ah! My floor! It’s-a covered in that ectoplasm stuff!” “Who could tell the difference with all the spilled soda and melted gumdrops?” “Ah! My power pillar! It’s all-a shorted-a out!” “We’re sorry, but you did sign a waiver…” “Don’t worry, it’s-a insured.” “Ah! My air hockey table! It’s all-a flipped over!” “We’re sorry, but you did sign a waiver…” “Don’t worry, it’s-a insured.” “Does anyone think it’s a good idea to leave an adult here with all these kids? That screams ‘Stranger Danger.’” “I’m sure all these kids know to be on the lookout, report anything they see, and help to…take a bite out of crime.” *another half turn and points towards the camera*
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Apr 8, 2016 20:26
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The homebrewed Dungeons and Dragons campaign setting that I play in hit a major milestone last night. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, there once was a celestial being named Az who assisted an god who had been kicked out of their own pantheon on another plane and decided to take over this one. The god was defeated and Az was thrown into darkness by being imprisoned inside his own mind. His name wiped from all texts and tomes and forgotten by the mortals. He had been forgotten for over 2000 years, so when “The Cult of the Burning Eye” showed up 100 years ago and started talking about how “all gods are just an aspect of the One True God” a few people started to worship that god, who eventually revealed his name to be Az. And because he’s slowly gaining power again, all the tomes and texts that once had his name written inside are reverting to their “original” form. So there’s now a whole bunch of ancient scrolls and tomes out there that are suddenly showing this “new” demigod and are throwing the organized religions for a loop. At the moment, there’s a conclave forming of all the major religious groups and organizations to determine if this “forgotten” god should become an official member of the world’s pantheon. This has the gods themselves worried because of an ancient prophecy that stated “when the Eye turns upon the gods, the gods themselves will fall.” So in response, the gods have begun giving their power directly to a few select Clerics and Paladins, as well as any other “worthy” mortals, so if they do fall their divinity can live on and perhaps allow them to “reform” somewhere down the line. Our group has spent the last few sessions getting to this conclave. Our company’s goal is make sure the Pantheon knows that Az isn’t an old god or a lost god, but a powerful celestial who is masquerading as a god and somehow able to grant his clerics domains, spheres, and spells, and because of this deception should not officially recognize him as part of their pantheon. The conclave is being held in an old observatory that was once used by Cabalists to keep an eye on the Wilder when it was known as the Wilderland, an area of wild magic and surges for centuries until it was tamed. As we arrive, the majordomo in charge of the conclave sees our group and welcomes up. “I am glad that you have arrived. Now that the final delegation is here, we can begin.” “Who’s the final delegation,” our Bard, Skeever, asks. “Why…you are. You’re the delegate for Halaal.” Halaal. The Bronze Draconic God of Muses, Trickery, and Humor. She decided that our Bard, a lizardman who had just finished turning into a bronze Dragonborn (to bring this world, Tanicus, up to 5e), was going to be her voice at this conclave. Her idea of a joke… His response? “So I am! Yes, I am the representative for Halaal!” “And who is your assistant for this conclave?” “That would be this man right here, Varis, the Lightning Lord!” “I see, and is ‘Lightning Lord’ an official title?” “N…” “Of COURSE it is!” “Very well.” And the party (who are also the evidence givers against the delegation of Az) are brought into the main room. There are currently representatives from twenty-three other gods sitting in the room waiting for us to begin – six from the pantheon of Light, six from the pantheon of Dark, six from the pantheon of Balance, and six from the Draconic pantheon. After we’re announced (my title of “Lightning Lord” made the cleric for Dyanae, the Storm Queen, and the cleric for the Draconic God of Destruction, Garyx, a blue dragon who was so ancient he simply became a god one day, raise their eyebrows), we sit down and opening remarks are made. The room is under a Zone of Truth so people can only speak to what they truly believe. Now, our GM did something very clever. He took a page out of the Rise of Tiamut adventure and made a matrix for all 24 gods. Some gods were going to vote one way, some gods were going to vote the other, but for those who COULD be swayed he made a list of the key words, phrases, pieces of evidence, and actions that would push them in one direction or another. If we got more than three net pluses/minuses due to our actions and their initial standings, then the delegate for that god would vote in that direction. And I will say this for our GM. He had to come up with TWENTY THREE original delegates, because he knew there was a good chance we’d talk to as many of them as possible. So he came up with twenty three names, races, and personalities for them. The delegate for Siyri, the Blessed Lady and goddess of mercy, was a quickling who spoke WAY too fast and sounded incredibly morose and depressed when she had to slow down. The delegate for Roan, the Keeper of the Book and god of commerce and community, was about proper discourse and discussion and we lost favor with them when our characters spoke when they didn’t hold the floor. The delegate for Qord, the Vile Betrayer and god of decay and the undead, deserves special mention - Charr the Thrice-Burned, a Death Knight in burned armor with glowing red eyes. Which cause our Rogue to scream “drat IT, MY PALADIN KILLED HIM DURING THE LAST CAMPAIGN!” Indeed, in the last Tanicus campaign Charr the Twice-Burned was a major adversary and was the personal enemy of the PC’s Paladin, but Qord granted him a second chance at unlife. We didn’t roll a single die the entire five-hour session. It was nothing but talking, speeches, talking during the downtimes, and making our cases. Lightbringer Wainwright, the head of Az’s delegation, refused to recognize the authority or power of the conclave. All he asked…nay demanded…was that his followers, missionaries, and preachers, be granted the same rights and protections that were granted to the followers of the other religions. He revealed the “truth” behind Az – that there was another continent (which had been discovered about 20 years previous, but getting their involved some very tricky sailing and only the furblogs had the ships to make it there and they weren’t revealing their maps) where the old gods had been abandoned and the church of Az held sway, and that WAY back at the beginning of the cosmos there weren’t two gods (Io, the Goddess of Justice, and Kaos, the God of…well, Chaos) but three – Io, Kaos, and Az, the God of Balance. Kaos was locked away, Io left for a new plane of existence, and Az was forgotten. Over time, Tanicus had these new gods develop, but none of them knew who Az was. And it’s because the 18 gods of Light/Dark/Balance are actually portions of Az’s power that were stolen/borrowed from him. He doesn’t want the power back, all he wants is recognition. So it’s pantheonism vs. monotheism…except the monotheistic god wants revenge on the gods who locked him away but is telling everyone that he doesn’t… If Az gets 2/3rd’s of the votes for recognition, that means his followers can establish churches, preach without fear of persecution in ANY nation, and collect tithes. So pretty much, if a tiny crack in his mental prison can give him enough power to convert an entire continent, what happens when a LOT of people believe in him? Our company’s evidence that Az was not who he said he was consisted of… - Our Monk producing the book from her order’s library that contained the first modern mention of Az. - Our Paladin explaining that our party had seen Az converting people under the noses of other gods, of towns where the temples to the old gods were all but abandoned but the cult of Az’s buildings were bursting to overflowing. This caught some of the delegates off guard because they had no idea how far Az’s word had spread. - Noting that Az had has sent celestials masquerading as angels of OTHER gods to provide assistance and guidance under false pretenses (this was my PC’s pitch and this got a lot of people in all the pantheons grumbling about “blasphemy”) - Pointing on that Az wouldn’t be gathering new followers…he’d be converting followers of other gods as he did with Seane, weakening their influence (this was also my pitch. I managed to convince the God of War by saying “you claim you want bloodshed. Do you want blood to be spilled in the name of Caradoc or in the name of Az?”) - Skeever’s big pitch, the reason we were here…that war against Az isn’t coming. Everything that’s been happening throughout the world has been because of Az and his influence. Holy wars, missionaries killing missionaries, the incursion of new races such as ratkin and the Drow, it’s all through Az. War against Az is already here and this is just the opening skirmish. So do you want to fight him at half-power or full power? It was a masterpiece of a five minute speech from Skeever, with the player actually WRITING the speech during the Conclave in response to what people were saying. Some of the highlights of the other gods responses were… quote:Seane, the Golden Orb, god of the sun – “Az has stolen my followers. Kill them all.” It was really neat to see that the gods of light didn’t all vote for “good” and the gods of dark didn’t all vote for “evil.” The GM has fleshed out the pantheon over 25+ years so they’re “breathing” and aren’t stereotypes. Our group was really afraid we were going to lose. However, Skeever brilliantly managed to get the conclave to switch the question around. Instead of “should Az be recognized as part of the official pantheon of Tanicus,” he convinced the delegates to break it down into two questions. 1 – Should the persecution of the followers of Az be condoned? The informal vote broken down into 15 to stop persecution, 9 to allow the persecution to continue. So all we have to do is flip one person and the bloodshed will stop, which is something our party wants as it will delay Az’s excuse for a holy war. 2 – Should Az be recognized as an official god of Tanicus’ pantheon? This one is split down the middle 12-12. So we have a lot of work ahead of us… I should mention two things. One, the delegate for Citira, goddess of vengeance, is one Stannis Grumgate (my GM never has read or seen Game of Thrones and didn’t understand why we laughed. The same when he introduced the delegate for Dyanae, the Storm Queen, as Admiral Rusty Shackleforth, although I think for this one he’s screwing with us). It turns out he’s the brother of my father, but he is most specifically NOT my uncle. Because my father, a human with draconic blood, married an elf and had me, a half-elf draconic Sorcerer, and mixed marriages/mixed children are forbidden under the laws of the country of Corvis. My “uncle” reported my brother, hunted him, arrested him, and stood next to him as the executioner cut his head off. My mother is a whore and I’m a bastard half-breed in his eyes. Citira demands that anyone who might seek vengeance against one of her clerics is given the chance to do so, and as such he informed me point blank that he was my father’s brother, was responsible for his death, and expects me to seek my revenge immediately upon completion of the Conclave. Two, our Eldrtich Knight comes from a very ancient and powerful elven bloodline. A bloodline that has served Kaos and evil for nearly their entire lives. She is the only one in her family who is of Good alignment and has sworn a blood oath to eliminate the rest of her family…to the point where Annwn, the Dark Lady and the Dark goddess who has final say over any and all resurrections on Tanicus, allowed her to be raised from the dead because “she sends more powerful souls to me than anyone else on the planet” and Citira, goddess of Vengeance, both keep her under their protection even though she is of Good alignment. Her grandmother is one of the Big Bads of our campaign – three thousand years old, an incredibly powerful Wizard who is also the consort of the Lich King, the oldest and most powerful magic user on Tanicus, and a woman who has twice nearly wiped out all of elven civilization. So when Lightbringer Wainwright comes in with the delegation of Az, guess who turns out to be HIS assistant?
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Apr 25, 2016 17:40
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(rehashing a few plot points from my earlier post as reminders) So this week’s session of our Dungeons and Dragons game concluded the First Conclave of New Hope, where the delegates of the twenty-four gods of Tanicus were to voting on matters related to the deity known as Az, who is secretly a former member of the Host who was sealed away for helping a god from another plane of existence wage war against the pantheon, but is now somehow providing clerical power to a false religion and whose long-term goal is the complete destruction of all life on, in, and above the world). Two questions were put before the Conclave by our Bard, Skeever, who was also the delegate of Halal, Draconic God of Muses, Trickery, and Humor. During the first vote, this is how it broke down. 1 – Should the persecution of the followers of Az be condoned? The informal vote broke down as 15 voting to stop persecution, and 9 to allow the persecution to continue. 2 – Should Az be recognized as an official god of Tanicus’ pantheon? This one was split down the middle 12-12. This week was a lot of downtime/Facebook/e-mail roleplaying as our company tried to convince the other delegates to vote the way we wanted. We wanted the persecution to stop as there were a lot of innocent people who were blindly following Az and they didn’t deserve to be slaughtered because of it, and we wanted the delegation to refuse to recognize Az in order to hopefully throw a wrench into his plans. A vital piece of information we found out during this downtime is that the word of Az was brought to the recently discovered “New World” a hundred years ago by an elven woman…who turned too be Melariese, one of our campaign’s Big Bads, the grandmother of our party’s Eldritch Knight. She’s over three thousand years old and an incredibly powerful Wizard who is also the consort of the Lich King, the oldest and most powerful magic user on Tanicus. She’s also nearly wiped out all of elven civilization twice in her lifetime because her non-elven lover was spurned by the elves, mainly because he was, you know, THE GUY WHO WOULD BECOME THE LICH KING! It was her who crossed the ocean, braving the storms and pirates, and brought the word of Az to a continent who had lost touch with the old gods. Having an entire continent worshipping any celestial being, even one locked away in an eternal prison, would give that being immense power, and that’s how Az was fueling the powers he blessed his clerics with. Melariese was at the Conclave as the assistant to Lightbringer Wainwright, delegate of Az, and made sure that we both knew she was there and that we couldn’t touch her… So during the downtime and during the session as well… - Skeever tried to convince the delegate of Qord, god of undeath, that Az would try to take control of the undead as he was possibly working with the Lich King. Qord’s delegate, a death knight named Charr the Thrice-Burned, responded that Az was welcome to try, but he went further and mocked Skeever for putting forth the first question. “Qord’s priests and followers are hunted down everywhere they go, regardless of whether or not they are endangering the community. Some vampires and mummies want nothing more than to be left alone but are sought out and destroyed, while others try to bring the word of Qord to those who would listen and embrace undeath over this meaningless existence. Why would we want to give solace to ANY other priest when we received none?” - Our Paladin Fallinrae went to Myrrdin, the god of guardianship, ancestors, and redemption. His delegate stressed over and over again that all are worthy of redemption, even those who have rebelled and fallen. What followed was a fifteen minute debate over proof, balance, atonement, and what happens to those who can’t be redeemed. In the end, Fallinrae convinced the delegate to talk to his (Fallinrae’s) ancestors, those who fought Az all those years ago, and use his actions at that time as proof for or against redemption, because true guardianship can’t be blind to reality if there are some out there who truly can’ t be redeemed. - Aeana, our Cleric of Siyri, goddess of healing and mercy, asked the delegate of Siyri why she voted for recognition. The delegate was a quickling, who are pretty much kender on speed without the kleptomania, and between eating large amounts of food and running laps inside the Conclave told her that Siyri is a goddess of mercy, and all deserved mercy even if they don’t reserve redemption. That was one of those cool moments where the pantheon of Light isn’t all in lock-step with each other, especially since Seane, the god of the sun, wants to kill all of Az’s followers and is willing to recognize the church to bring them out of hiding. But more importantly, the delegate of Siyri stated that a lot of the delegates wanted to vote AGAINST Az, but their gods are making them vote a certain way because “that is the way the conflict will unfold.” - Ksena the monk who belongs to the order of Emanyn, goddess of the sea, and she went to talk to the delegate of Bile (pronounced “beh-lay”) to switch his vote. While planning our trip to the Conclave, a NPC monk of Bile (the god of wolves and winter) told us they he could provide a quick path through the swamps to New Hope, saving us a week if we had gone around, in return for helping him free his monastery from a siege of Bullywugs once we got through the swamp. We drove back the Bullywugs and earned the respect of the Grandmaster of Bile, who gave us a letter to give to the delegate should he not vote our way. Now, I have to point out that the NPC monk of Bile and Ksena have a…not quite an attraction, but you can see the attraction from here. To quote our Rogue “that monk’s abs have abs.” So they flirted a little bit, the NPC monk invited her…and her friends, he added at the end…back to the monastery so they can attend the festival of Wintermas in a nearby village, the festival that officially kicks off winter in Tanicus. Even though Bile is a Lawful Evil god, the people of Tanicus respect him as the “tough, fair, and necessary” god of winter and this festival is their tribute to him in return for his protection from the harshest of the winter weather. So in the process of using the letter to switch the delegate’s vote, Ksena got a very good look at the training style of Bile’s monks, which includes harsh punishments and…whippings should a student step out of line. She saw this happen when the delegate’s assistant spoke out of turn, and as Ksena left the room she saw the delegate grab a nearby whip just before the door closed. Of course… quote:Cullus (Rogue): So, that’s how Bile performs a courtship. Ksena, didn’t you just learn Water Whip? - Cullus’ player may or may not have been able to make it to game this week, so Thursday night before our Ghostbusters game which is run by the same GM and has myself, Cullus, Ksena, and another as the players, the GM ran his scene. Cymber, the god/goddess of lies, secrets, mysteries, and twilight, had a task for him. In return for the delegate’s vote, Cullus had to take a spool of thread, sneak into the room of the delegate of Riva (whose motif involves looms and threads), replace the delegate’s spool of thread with Cymber’s spool of thread, and then sneak out, all without leaving any trace of passage. What followed was something absolutely incredible. Cullus, whose player will roll at least two natural 1’s during a session, rolled thirteen times and only failed once. Out of the twelve successes, SEVEN of them were natural 20’s. None of us could believe what we were seeing to the point where we were asking for a doppelganger check. He snuck past the Guardian of Faith, picked the lock on the door, crossed the room without setting off the sound-sensing alarm, picked the lock on the chest, failed to disarm the trap but rolled a natural 20 to resist the knockout gas, replaced the empty cylinder with a fresh one, took the thread, locked the chest, crossed the room again, snuck outside, failed to lock the door but rolled a natural 20 to realize he didn’t lock the door, locked the door, and snuck past the Guardian of Faith one more time. It was one of those scenes where if we hadn’t been there we never would have believed it. Cullus gives the thread to the delegate of Cymber…who turns out to be Cymber his/herself. When asked why he/she wouldn’t just send a delegate… quote:I’m the god of lies. What kind of people do you think become my clerics? I wouldn’t trust them with anything! - Varis, my Sorcerer, had two delegates to convince. One, he had a great conversation with the delegate of Riva, god of destiny and fortune, about just how far the threads of destiny, and if Riva is trusting the delegate to make a decision, then for once it’s a mortal being weaving the destiny of a god, which made him think a bit. The second delegate… …Genevieve Sablemoon, Chaotic Evil black dragonborn delegate of Garyx. Basically, what happens when a Neutral Good Sorcerer and a Chaotic Evil Warrior who can’t kill each other argue philosophy (or the “god stuff” to Genevieve)? Well, it involved a lot of drinking, a whole lot of swearing (I rarely hear the GM swear in real life, however he dropped the “f” word like crazy), and an argument about physical destruction vs. mental/emotional destruction and which is better. At one point, she screamed for Varis to stab her, but I told her “no” and she either almost killed me or was going to throw me on the bed and take my PC right there (my character’s virginity as a 19-year old “off the farm” Sorcerer is a running gag in our party). I used it as an example to show her that voting no would “piss Az off just as much, and when the war comes he’ll go right for Garyx.” She just laughed, told me I was incredibly stupid but that she respected my balls at refusing to change my nature. And if we ever met on the field of battle, she would take great joy in kill me. Or, if we met elsewhere, she’s take great joy in loving me to death or to manhood. Whichever came first. - Oh, and apparently my pseudodragon familiar spent a good bit of time in the presence of the delegates for Bahamut and Tiamat… X X X X X Now, we have NO clue how we’re doing. Our GM did a really good job keeping us in the dark about how things were going to shake out and keeping every delegate we talked to different and fresh. We were really worried that we had blown our shot and giving Az (and Melariese) exactly what they wanted… First question. Vote came back 17-7, one more than the 16 we needed, although the delegate for Arwin, god of wisdom and war, added a rider that this protection does not cover secular matters, so no one can commit murder until the guise of their religion and get away with it. Second question. Vote came back 20-4. Basically, we had convinced people that either they needed to throw a wrench in Az’s plans, or that throwing a wrench in Az’s plans, or we had just amused them enough that they figured “oh, why the hell not?” So handshakes all around, we say our goodbyes, Melariese tells Skeever “all your company did was set things in motion sooner than expected, send my granddaughter my love.” Cullus finds out that some of the delegates have been told they he’s the Rogue to talk to if they need something…difficult done in the name of their god. Ksena gets another feather from the secret order of female monks that has “chosen, but not yet called” her… …and Varis meets his uncle one more time. As I mentioned last time, the delegate for Citira, goddess of vengeance, is the brother of my father, but he is most specifically NOT my uncle. Because my father, a human with draconic blood, married an elf and had me, a half-elf draconic Sorcerer, and mixed marriages/mixed children are forbidden under the laws of the country of Corvis. My “uncle” reported my brother, hunted him, arrested him, and stood next to him as the executioner cut his head off. My mother is a whore and I’m a bastard half-breed in his eyes. Citira demands that anyone who might seek vengeance against one of her clerics is given the chance to do so, and as such he informed me point blank that he was my father’s brother, was responsible for his death, and expects me to seek my revenge immediately upon completion of the Conclave. He wants me to come after him, but after convincing Genevieve she didn’t need to kill him (“Bah! No one tries to properly kill anyone around here!”) we had this conversation. quote:Varis: Did my father break the laws of Corvis? Pin drop. The GM (as Stannis) is GLARING at me. The players have their mouths open. Cullus’ players leans over and says “Can I have your hometown once he’s finished burning it to the ground?” quote:Stannis: You are stubborn. And foolish to pass up this opportunity. His assistant opens up a Dimension Door, and as Stannis prepares to leave he turns back to Varis. quote:Stannis: Consider this, and remember we are still under this Conclave’s Zone of Truth spell. Your mother is alive. And not in a very good place. Should you wish to see her again, come to Caern Krellus and speak the name ‘Varis Stormglass.’ You will be reunited with her, and neither of you will ever see the sky again. Be well, Varis Stormglass.’ X X X X X But hey, you have to end the adventure on a high note…FLYING MONKEYS! (edit - Apes, my stepdaughter pointed out to me as apes don't have tails)   My GM ordered these platforms about a month ago because he feels we’re dealing with a lot of creatures who have flight, and he wanted a better representation of the battlefield than just putting a figure on a stick. It made the fight a lot of fun (the monkeys are homebrewed extra-planar creatures called Berengi), and more importantly it was enough to level up the entire party. Counterspell and Cone of Cold, here I come! CobiWann fucked around with this message at 03:09 on May 3, 2016 |
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May 2, 2016 17:34
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bbcisdabomb posted:Goddamn, that sounds like a good game. http://paizo.com/products/btpy85op?Combat-Tiers-Family-Pack
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May 3, 2016 03:11
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Golden Bee posted:Max cocked the shotgun and yelled "Doctor, eh? I'm proud of my PHD too. PUNISHING HORRIBLE DADS!" 
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May 11, 2016 19:21
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So after the Geopolitical Conclave of Destiny, this week’s session of our Tanicus Campaign was a breather episode. One player was missing, our Eldritch Knight, which was fine because this was an entire RP session with barely any combat. A few sessions ago, our party helped a monk of Bile (the Lawful Evil god of wolves and winter) break the siege of his monastery by a pack of bullywugs. In return, he invited our group (well, he invited our Monk of Emanyn, Neutral goddess of the sea, we just happened to come along for the ride) to attend the festival of Wintermist in the nearby logging town of Vale once we had finished with the conclave. This led to a lot of good natured teasing of Ksena (the Monk) because of the attraction between her and Csarin, the monk of Bile (Cullus – “Can you really blame her? I’ve never seen a man whose abs could form their own icicles!”). Now, if you thought Wintermist would be this happy, festive gathering…well, you don’t know Bile. quote:The Sacraments of Wintermist Our Paladin didn’t take part in any of the contests, but had a “special attraction” round of jousting and riding with his unicorn mount. Our Rogue decided to take advantage of the local “2 for the price of 1” special at the local house of ill repute. Our Cleric (a Greensidh, think a halfling mixed with a forest elf) decided to eat and drink as much fruit as possible. And by drink I mean imbibed a whole lot “berry juice,” aka sweetwine. And by drink I mean “drank and drank and drank and drank and drank” until she rolled a 1 on her Con save and ended up puking rainbows (the player usually plays Aenea plays her as happy and chipper, so she relished the chance to play intoxicated), but one Lesser Restoration later she’s back up and running around. The highlight was Aenea entering a watermelon seed spitting contest and winning by rolling two natural 20’s in a row, beating the local kid who usually wins every contest and sending him into a very strong huff (Fallinrae – “This is how supervillains get their origin story.”) Ksena and Csarin spent the whole time walking around, and the normally confidant monk of Bile was all nervous and shy because he had grown up in a monastery full of men and had no idea how to talk to women, while Ksena grew up the only female in a monastery full of men and knew how to talk to men. While in the local tavern, my Sorcerer was approached by a fellow Sidhborne (half-elf), a female named Sila, who was also a Sorcerer. She told him that there was a nearby tent that was showing all kinds of magical exhibitions and tricks and invited my Sorcerer to go see them with her. I accepted, and followed her to a very small tent. Thinking it was bigger on the inside, I went in… quote:Varis – “Wait. There aren’t any magical exhibitions or tricks in here!” Yep. She was coming on to my character. Very, very strongly. I’ve always played my Sorcerer as very naïve of the larger world (he grew up on the outskirts of a large town and never really interacted with anyone due to his draconic blood) and all things social, which makes it funny because of his 18 Charisma and that people are always very friendly and forward to him. When it comes to magic, combat and conflict, he’s incredibly self-confident. With the opposite sex, having a very attractive woman all but telling him she wants his virginity made him incredibly flustered and awkward. Now, I tried to gracefully leave the tent, but she was very persistent. Everyone around the table is trying so hard not to bust out laughing. It was Ksena’s player who finally lost it. ”I can’t believe this – my husband has been flirting with his ex-wife’s husband for the past five minutes!”) I manage to get away after letting her down easy (telling her about my mother who is being held in captivity is definitely a panty-raiser) and go wander around town. She ends up going back to the tavern and hands a bag of gold to our Rogue. ”He’s sweet, but he turned me down.”. Yep, the Rogue’s player texted our GM that he had hired a prostitute to sleep with me. I couldn’t help but shake his hand while laughing my rear end off. Now, this whole time our Bard was still in the tavern. And what is he doing? Getting drunk, and as a dragonborn no one has mugs he can use that would allow him to properly drink without getting most of it all over his snout and chest. So he ends up drinking cider out of a large bucket with a spigot. And as he’s getting drunk, he’s telling everyone tales about “Varis the Lightning Lord” and how I’m this great and powerful Sorcerer who took the lightning breath of a blue dragon (actually a behir) without flinching (actually took it in exchange for letting our party pass through its lair, and it knocked me down to 2 hit points WITH lightning resistance). So by the time I get back to the tavern, Skeever has composed a drinking song about me and it already has three verses. By the time my incredibly embarrassed Sorcerer is deluged in drinks and backslapping, Skeever has snuck out the door to go buy our Rogue a gift. It turns out Vale doesn’t have a Thieves’ Guild, but they do have a shady merchant who sells Rogue tools and handles contraband. Cullus is the newest member of our party (the player’s last character died when he was eaten by a flail snail) and Varis trusts him (he trusts everybody) and Skeever trusts him (his god, Halaal, told him to) but no one else in the party does because he’s a Rogue and he’s all about the gold. So Skeever decides to show him some love and get him not only a new set of lockpicks, but a little pouch to carry them in. Did I mention the merchant was actually a taxidermist? So Skeever comes back to give Cullus his gift. And it’s not a nice pouch or a piece of leather one can unroll. It’s a budgie. Yes, because Skeever rolled low and the merchant rolled a natural 20, instead of selling a lockpick set, the taxidermist sold Skeever a stuffed budgie with hidden compartments that hold all the tools. Skeever’s played just rolled with it, so now our Rogue has two sets of thieves tools, his standard one kept on his belt and a brand spanking new set safely hidden inside the breast of a budgie. And apparently Skeever is going to learn the Minor Illusion cantrip to make it talk, only because the GM wouldn’t him pick up a level in Wizard (Necromancer) to animate it… Once the festivities died down (which included the drinking song about Varis getting up to SIX verses because that’s how many times the crowd could rhyme “Lord” with anything and the PALADIN lecturing the Sorcerer about the need to get laid), we all lay down to sleep and in turn got met by the gods. Aenea, our happy-go-lucky Cleric of Siyri, Neutral Good goddess of healing and mercy, was visited by the Hunting Heart, stag-headed demigod of Bile, and told that she needed to toughen up and realize the world was a cruel place, and that there would be a time where if she wasn’t callous she would fail her friends. Fallinrae, Paladin of Arwin, the Lawful Good goddess of warfare, was visited by Arwin herself and told that there would come a time where she would have to sacrifice her life for the entire world, but she needed to stop trying to be a self-sacrificing, death seeking martyr or else risk dying before that crucial moment. “The gods WILL fall, and you must be there to catch them.” Skeever was visited by Halaal, Chaotic Neutral copper dragon god of trickery and humor, and told that our party needed to find Pennywhistle the Bard, a legendary performer who was rumored to be immortal (at least the stories stretching back centuries would suggest), and to begin by visiting the Sullen Owlbear tavern in the city of Highspire. Skeever complained that Halaal was being too direct and demanded a proper and obscure prophecy, to which Halaal replied “Seek the metropolis of tall towers and discover the annoyed nocturnal ursine.” Cullus was visited by Cymber, Chaotic Neutral queen of mystery and secrets, and told that he has to deliver a piece of information to a gnome in Highspire. When pressed for more information, Cymber just rolled her eyes. “What kind of goddess of secrets and mystery would I be if I told you THAT?” And Varis was visited by Riva, Chatoic Neutral God of fortune and destiny. Appearing as a loom worker, he handed me a piece of dark cloth fabric with a golden thread running through the middle. “You must carry this inside your soul. It is a moment that will change the destiny of the gods, but they must not know I’m weaving a new strand. When the time comes, you will be the one at the loom. Tell no one, because as soon as you say the words, the moment is known.” “Why me?” “Because for one with such great potential, you are the most humble. Did you not see the new temple outside?” Just outside the cottage was my hometown, where everyone I knew was tearing down the great burning eye symbol of Az and replacing it with a circular symbol comprised of lightning bolts. The rest of the session was talking about our dreams (or not talking) and bringing down a black bear in one round with nothing but daggers and Skeever’s teeth to close out the festival. Our plan now is to head up the coast and find the underground prison where my character’s mother is being held captive before going to Highspire to find Pennywhistle. From there, it’s off to fight one of our Eldritch Knight’s cousins who serves as one of the right-hands to her Big Bad of a mother, along with his red dragon mount...
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May 17, 2016 16:56
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With the past three-or-four sessions of our Tanicus campaign being very heavy on the role-playing, our GM decided this time out was going to be almost all combat…and a brain teaser. Our group had left Vale after the conclusion of Wintermist on the way to the prison where my PC’s (formerly thought to be deceased) mother was (according to my father’s brother) being held. The prison is a large rock in the middle of a lake that’s bordered to the north by Corvis, a Lawful Evil empire where only pureblood races are allowed. Race mixing isn’t allowed in any circumstance (mating or marriage) under pain of death. The rock was scooped out by magic users and the prison walls was placed flush against the rocks. There’s only one dock, and everybody on the rock is a prisoner – even the guards, who are just prisoners who accept responsibility for extra privileges. And the whole thing surrounds one of the major shrines to Citara, the Lady of Pain, Lawful Evil goddess of pain, torture, interrogation, and vengeance. On the way to the nearest port town, which is on the south side of the lake in a Lawful Good kingdom, our party is going up and down some hills when the Rogue and my Sorcerer (who were sitting on the back of the wagon dueling with kites) notice something hidden in the hills behind us – a moss-covered door that could only be seen during a certain time of day from a certain angle at a certain altitude. Our party stops, thinking it might be a barrow or hideout, however as my Sorcerer uses Mage Hand to clear off the moss, the hand glows brightly while scraping off the moss near the top and disappears as its magic activates a rune that was covered by the moss. It’s a symbol with thirteen stars – one in the middle, four around it, and eight more around them. The one in the middle represents magic, the four stars represent the elements, and the eight stars are the eight schools of wizardry. Turns out, it’s the rune of Faylinn, the Stern Teacher, Lawful Neutral goddess of magic. And it’s not a door into the hill. It’s a Dimension Door, one of those ones you can walk all the way around as it hangs in mid-air. As the rune glows, a voice speaks… quote:Greetings, apprentice. You have deciphered the clues and riddles to discovered this place. Inside is one of my most powerful gifts. To obtain it, you must pass a Test of Strength, a Test of Mind, and a Test of Character. Beware. Many people have passed the first two tests, only to spend a lifetime failing the third.  While everyone else is egging my character on, I’m nervous as all get out. The first room has a much larger relief of Faylinn’s rune on the ground, and the four stars representing the elements are pulsing. A door lies on the opposite wall guarding by a large Iron Golem. After a few minutes of debating (three minutes on whether or not the “you” in the voice meant “you the Sorcerer” or “you the plural”), my PC casts an elemental spell at each elemental rune – Acid Splash for Earth, Fire Bolt for Fire, Cone of Cold for Water, Shocking Grasp for Air, and a Mage Hand as “plain old magic” once the center rune lights up. At each spell, the rune flares and gathers the element into a ball floating above it. Once all five runes are activated, the golem steps aside and we walk into the next room. It’s another round room with a rug in the middle (once again with Faylinn’s rune on it) and a small alcove on the other side. The alcove is surrounded with a relief of compass points with the appropriate direction – N, NE, E, SE, S, SW, W, NW, and there’s a small case sitting inside. Once we enter the room a series of bloody blades begin to shoot out of the alcove’s walls, moving at a completely random pattern and at varying lengths. I try to Mage Hand the box, but the magic fizzles. Telleysin, our Eldritch Knight, uses Detect Magic to figure out that the rug is magical (and pokes it to show it’s not a Mimic). My PC steps on it and is instantly bathed in magical sunlight quote:To claim the Artifact, deliver the light in His name. Praise the Sun! (note – The GM has never heard of Dark Souls) “His name” is easy. Seane, the Golden Orb, Chaotic Good god of the Sun. Using a mirror, we try to spell out Seane’s name…but the problem is, there’s a SE and an NE, but we can’t find the “A.” After trying to shine it on one of the V-shaped blades when it’s upside down and trying to light the compass letters up in the order that the sun moves through the sky, we realize that “Artifact” starts with an “A.” After a little more trial and error we realizes that we have to activate each rune, wait for it to fade, then activate the next rune. So, SE, fade, the chest containing the Artifact, fade, NE, fade. And the blades stop to allow the chest to float out to my PC. It’s a glass-topped case, about the size of a book, and inside is a scroll. quote:Claim me by Strength, I will fade. Claim me by mind, I will disappear. Claim me by character and I am yours. The Paladin and the Barbarian/Bard knew what it was right away. It took me a minute before I closed my eyes sent a prayer to Faylinn being humble and polite, stating that if I was meant to have the scroll then I would receive it with her blessing, and if I wasn’t I would return it for someone more worthy to claim it. “Thank you for your…” Click. All that was needed was a “thank you” or a “please.” Inside was a scroll of Time Stop, one-time use. Which is cool, although I admit as a player I have NO idea how to use it in 5th edition since I only really used it while playing Baldur’s Gate2 …so suggestions welcome! X X X X X A few days later, my PC starts to recognize some of the geographical landmarks. “Guys? Where are we going?” ”We’re going to stop in Dale to resupply!” Dale is my PC’s hometown. He saved the town from a Banshee right before I joined the campaign, and as such the town loved and adored my Sorcerer as “The Hero of Dale” (He has the Folk Hero background). Varis has always been incredibly humble and a little bit embarrassed at his “fame” which the other PC’s play up every single chance they get. So once we roll into town, I quietly ask them not to embellish any… Cullus (Rogue) – “HEY EVERYBODY! VARIS IS BACK!” Soon the whole town has dragged me (and the party) into the local tavern, and there’s back slapping and local girls oohing and aahing over him and Fallinrae (Paladin) and Skeever (Barbarian/Bard) talking up my character’s exploits while Varis is as red as a Mycanoid. I’m told my PC has gotten thin and looks cold and soon there are pies and cloaks aplenty being thrown at him (which led to a fun diversion about whether or not a Bag of Holding could lock a pie’s freshness inside. We determined it couldn’t). When the Mayor shows up, Varis hands him 400 gold (“it’s only money, what am I going to do with it,” he said as the Rogue debated rolling Sleight of Hand) before being told that Frost Giants have been throwing “sky rocks” at the town in an attempt to soften up the town before coming down from the mountains to raid and plunder. Varis - ”Guys? I don’t want to take you for granted, but could we spend the night and help stop the Frost Giants?” Fallinraie – ”I don’t know, we’re busy trying to save the world OF COURSE WE’RE GOING TO HELP SAVE YOUR HOMETOWN!”  Standard Frost Giant fight, save for one twist – one of the Frost Giants having a Bowl of Water Elemental Summoning.  Needless to say, it went to our (Water) Elemental Monk. Oh, and there was a huge drinking horn of ivory and gold worth 7500 gold pieces. Getting that thing into the Bag of Holding reminded me of the couch in the staircase from Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. X X X X X After one more night of carousing, tale telling, and renaming the tavern “The Three Frost Giants” as the local taxidermist prepares to mount the skulls of the Frost Giants on their axes and make an archway out of them, it’s back on the road. We’re travelling north and pass through a rocky area as the sun begins to go down. Our Cleric Aeana decides to go play in the rocks and insists that’s where we make camp for the night. Second watch, Skeever, myself, and my familiar, who comes flying back and flashes images of bones and exploding dirt into my head just before…   Wraiths are bad enough. Now add BARBARIAN WRAITHS with the ability to Berserk, and the fact that none of our warrior-types were wearing their armor because they were sleeping. Luckily for us, Fallinrae had a scroll of Aura of Life to resist necrotic damage and ensure we didn’t lose anything off our maximum hit points. Still, it was a drat near run thing. On the plus side, the Barbarian Wraith dropped a wicked axe – d12 damage, if use during a Berserker Rage it add d10 damage, +2 to hit and damage and adds resistance to slashing damage. Skeever’s response? “But…I like my warhammer…” The classic “a sweet new weapon vs. the weapon a PC has used for five levels” dilemma.
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May 24, 2016 02:46
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Tunicate posted:So that magic item knot thing you got... that wouldn't happen to have secretly been woven out of the thread that the god of secrets and deceit swapped out, would it? ...oh, drat it. I don't know (none of the other PC's know the Rogue pulled that job) but that would be a hell of a twist.
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May 24, 2016 09:59
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