China Megathread - Their navy can be taken seriously or taken littorally

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > China Megathread - Their navy can be taken seriously or taken littorally

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Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

McGavin posted:

Westology is an occasional series in which Chinese experts explain the West

Part Three: Enduring Humiliation, with Professor Xifang Shuo, PhD of the famous Renda University

The other day, Professor Xifang – that’s me, I want to say – met my American colleague and friend, Gary, in the university canteen. He was enjoying a plate of our world-famous local dish, spicy chicken. Gary is very typical American.

“Good morning, Gary. You look very fat today,” I greeted him. But to my horror, Gary did not even reply, losing my face in front of the teachers, all students and, of course, my ancestors. I was literally speechless with my tray, waiting for the apology. Later I went home and send Gary some reasonable death threats, so I calmed.*

Now I wish to address the important matter of my hurt feeling. Let us begin the lesson.

Understand the arrogant “Why the foreigner always rude?” I ask this question to Anwar, my intern. He has been here in Renda many months, hoping to get hukou, but still he doesn’t know the answer. Later, I remember Anwar is Mongloid from Xinjiang and cannot understand our culture.

Not like Anwar, normal Chinese are always curious about foreigner culture. For the example, my office is full of items I find overseas and bring home for personal interest. When I like something from a temple or a palace or other funny place, I give something back. Often I leave my name on a stone or sometimes a modest offering, like remains of my lunch. In this way, Professor Xifang creates mutual understanding between China and the West, what we call the “win-win diplomat relation.”

China is an ancient civilization (some say it precedes history). From the compass to calligraphy, the modern world is full of China. But foreigners never realize this, because we are very modest. Instead of praising our modest, many arrogant Westerners like to bash at China. There are so many humiliations every day, sometimes I am wondering if I am imagining things.

List of insults only in month of August

After I make kind offer to install Chinese software package (belong to my friend company) on PC of British colleague for very low price, he promises to “think about it.” But James never got back to me!

Last week I invite Ava, the German teacher with large breasts, to my apartment, so to share some warm congratulations toward Olympics king Sun Yang. Ava has not heard of Sun or interest in sport. I was so angry, I smiled and tell her “OK”

Later Gary tells the class he has never heard of our famous spicy chicken, but actually it tastes like another dish he had in Guizhou. Everyone knows the Guizhou chicken is poo poo!

Today I give a lesson about our ancient history, James say afterwards that I am wrong, Great Wall cannot be seen from space and copied by aliens. This was a “joke” by American clown called “Ripley.”

To call our famous Wall a “joke,” huh? This insult I cannot bear. We Chinese never dishonor our friends by saying the truth, but this time my head explode. James immediately shows deep shame… so tells me an astonishing secret.

“Yes it’s true, Xifang. Every week, all the foreigners meet in a room to figure out ways to insult China. That is all we talk about.” In fact, James even tells me, he is late for the meeting that very moment and has to run away! This is lucky, for I am once again speechless.

When I imagine these anonymous dogs and their secret meetings to make plots and silent our people, I am thinking this would never happen in China!

(*Of course I stay anonymous, so not to offend Gary)

This belongs in the good China thread :vince:

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 09:55

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 00:42

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

bongwizzard posted:

Why would a Scandinavian water heater blowing up kill the person taking a shower? Are they located right in the bathroom over there?

It's perfectly plausible if you assume that the heater was installed in a Chinese bathroom and that it was built in China.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2017 13:40

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

P-Mack posted:

Asia mostly uses split systems for AC... Its less efficient in terms of cooling per kW than a bigger central system but you can arguably make up for it by less overcooling of unoccupied areas.

*sets the AC to 10 degrees*
*opens all windows*

# ¿ Jul 25, 2017 03:51

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

It's very simple:
China = CCP = good
Foreign barbarians = bad

That's all you need to know to be a good wumao

# ¿ Aug 2, 2017 10:29

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

icantfindaname posted:

are Russians foreign barbarians, or a fellow oriental-despotic asian hive mind?

They are not Chinese

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 03:48

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

The anti-corruption thing is, as usual, just a way to remove political rivals. The only development the CCP is interested in is their (Canadian) bank accounts and building useless ghost cities in order to launder public money.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2017 12:31

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

"I may not have any legal rights, I don't get taken seriously at work, I'm treated like a curiosity or a zoo animal on the streets, but look at all the SOFT POWER I have!"

# ¿ Oct 23, 2017 08:21

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

R. Guyovich posted:

yes.

Remind me, how is Dongbei's air quality and visibility in, say, January? Have they cracked the mystical 5 meter barrier yet?

# ¿ Oct 24, 2017 17:35

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Peven Stan have you considered the possibility that maybe, just maybe, not everyone who disagrees with you is a US STATE DEPARTMENT agent?

# ¿ Nov 1, 2017 21:06

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

I think we're missing the point here. How many pieces does the suit have?

# ¿ Nov 26, 2017 19:14

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

japan sympathizer

# ¿ Dec 27, 2017 03:37

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

whatever7 posted:

Commercialize mid-autumn fest and lunar new year with made-up fat mascot to out compete Christmas.

Unfortunately this wouldn't work because there's not a single thing in mainland China that hasn't been commercialized to death yet

# ¿ Dec 27, 2017 09:52

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

big time bisexual posted:

https://my.mixtape.moe/irqdma.mp4

5000 years of rational discourse without temper tantrums

# ¿ Dec 27, 2017 15:14

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

The Great Autismo! posted:

mods this person is just here to make fun of Chinese men because he has a fragile ego

It's true, I'm just a racist ~~white~~mongol teacher here to oppress the innocent Han

# ¿ Dec 27, 2017 15:18

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

whatever7 posted:

I do this only because I can't remember the IRL stories of the posters.

Do you guys have a google spread sheet opened in another tab or something.

In this thread you only need to remember two stories because everyone is either a sexpat bum or an ardent defender of the wronged-at-every-turn Chinese people

# ¿ Dec 30, 2017 14:57

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

whatever7 posted:

What's my archetype?

Well, let's see: you didn't mock the US, didn't tell others that in fact the CCP are good and competent or that uncle Xi is the best leader since Mao. You're obviously a white dumpy sexpat teacher.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2017 18:25

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

It would help if countries like China had better recycling programs than "eh, some homeless old person will pick it up eventually"

# ¿ Jan 14, 2018 17:18

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Peven Stan posted:

Yeah like dump on a third world country and forget about it, what a civilized program

Third world? You have just hurt the feelings of the Chinese people.

# ¿ Jan 14, 2018 17:40

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

RocknRollaAyatollah posted:

Just in case people weren't aware, you also can't own a building for more than a set amount of time based on the purpose of the building. So if you own an apartment block, you only own it for 70 years and the government can take it as you've lost the land grant. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_property_law#Obtaining_land_use_rights

It doesn't really give an incentive to build a building to last but then again the regional tradition is to build something that's only supposed to last 5-10 years and then get knocked down and replaced.

Also there's zero maintenance on top of that shoddy construction. All those ghost towns built in the last 10 years are already unlivable and crumbling to pieces on their own.

# ¿ Jan 26, 2018 18:30

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

therobit posted:

China is absolutely making logical moves

Spoken as a person who has never had any contact with mainland China

# ¿ Jan 28, 2018 19:56

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Bathtub Cheese posted:

The US only participated a sack of the capital, worked Chinese nationals to death in mines and railroads while subjecting them to racist state-abetted terror, had economic interests in a drug trade China was literally forced to engage in, and partitioned, napalmed and stopped short of nuking a regional ally China intervened militarily to defend...

~*~century of humiliation~*~

Although that's a hell of a spin on PLA's weekend trip to Vietnam

Darkest Auer fucked around with this message at 15:54 on Jan 29, 2018

# ¿ Jan 29, 2018 15:51

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Bloodnose posted:

Edit: I think that dude was talking about North Korea actually. Sorry for dogpiling. China is bad and not a victim though

Of course it was about North Korea, but it was just so incredibly bad wumaoing I had to take it elsewhere

Darkest Auer fucked around with this message at 19:00 on Jan 29, 2018

# ¿ Jan 29, 2018 18:51

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Peven Stan posted:

�Anyone who doesn�t agree with american imperialists must be a paid shill�

"But but America bad" isn't a defense or an excuse. This has been explained to you many times in this thread.

# ¿ Jan 29, 2018 19:18

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Peven Stan posted:

That liberal tune would change real quick if BLM started demanding an autonomous republic and they started carrying out terrorist attacks at the behest of their foreign intelligence handlers

But enough about the CCP

# ¿ Feb 23, 2018 18:29

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Today my son spilled some milk on the dining table, is he secretly a STATE DEPARTMENT agent? I mean, surely no one would do a thing like that without outside government influence. Help me Peven Stan。。

# ¿ Feb 24, 2018 14:33

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

So when are they going to either replace Mao's face with Eternal President Xi on the bills, or issue a new 1000 kuai one with Xi on it?

# ¿ Feb 25, 2018 10:10

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

quote:
�Banyan� accused China of racism based on a misinterpretation of a sketch in a televised Chinese New Year gala (February 24th). The criticisms of China�s policies towards Africa and ethnic minorities, and the use of the labels �social Darwinism� and �neocolonialism�, are unfounded, biased and lack respect for historical facts.

China has the longest continuous history of all ancient civilisations in the world. The standard writing of Chinese characters was already in place as early as the Qin dynasty in 221BC. Those who claim that �no standard Chinese existed� in the 19th century should have at least heard of the terracotta warriors.

China is firmly opposed to racism in all forms. Chinese culture values the harmonious coexistence between different ethnic groups and cultures. The Chinese nation itself is proudly born out of thousands of years of integrating diverse ethnic groups and does not provide a breeding ground for racial discrimination or parochial nationalism. Throughout China�s history it never colonised, plundered or enslaved any vulnerable nation. In line with this peaceful tradition, China is committed to working with global partners to build a community with a shared future for mankind.

The facts speak for themselves about China�s co-operation with Africa. In developing its relations with African countries, China acts on the principles of sincerity, practical results, affinity and good faith, and values friendship, justice and shared interests. China is always doing its best to provide assistance to African countries, and has made a unique contribution to Africa�s independent and sustainable development. The enduring and vigorous friendship between China and Africa is rooted in equality, sincerity, win-win co-operation and common development.

History is a mirror that one must look into in order to take off the spectacles tinted with political bias and get the facts straight. One should respect the history of China�s development and its relations with Africa, appreciate the ethnic harmony and social stability in China and recognise that China and African countries are equal partners working for a common development.

ZENG RONG
Spokesperson of the Chinese embassy
London

https://www.economist.com/news/letters/21738339-china-ad-blockers-job-licences-scotland-meritocracy-merlot-letters-editor

Peven Stan, how accurate would you say these claims are?

# ¿ Mar 11, 2018 11:40

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

To be honest, "it's ok that Xi gets crowned Eternal Leader and Emperor because actually he's a very minor figure and has no power" is a take I haven't seen before

# ¿ Mar 12, 2018 15:41

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

I'm pretty sure the PSB is completely subservient to the Party, so...

# ¿ Mar 20, 2018 14:09

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

whatever7 posted:

Well since Xi Dada is proper successor of the Yellow Emperor, he would inherit the entire Earth.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2018 15:28

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

I'm not sure if posters in thread understand this, but there are other places on the planet than Emperor Xi's 地 and America.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2018 17:49

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Surely the Heavenly Emperor wouldn't waste money on prestige projects that have no real value or benefit

# ¿ Apr 9, 2018 05:43

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

caberham posted:

More you like you are the uncle Wong with self loathing identity issues. You don�t know your history, the different regional heritage, your culinary knowledge is secondary and your Chinese language is probably garbage. I�m actually living, working in Hong Kong and China and supporting the regimes through productivity and businesses whereas you are stuck in god knows where after failing the state department entrance exam.

If you actually treasure the nuances and differences of Chinese culture and history you would not just lump everything into one blob and you most certainly would not be so sympathetic to the destruction of Chinese culture during the cultural revolution.

Your posting and your life is bottom gutter leftover of capitalist globalism.

# ¿ Apr 10, 2018 17:26

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

R. Guyovich posted:

yay, more bubbles for the worst people on the planet to coalesce

No, you misunderstand, the zones aren't for old Chinese people

# ¿ Apr 13, 2018 07:33

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Though to be fair, "international zones" are a terrible idea for terrible people. If you want to live with Western people in the same kind of luxury you had in your own country, then why the gently caress are you in China??

# ¿ Apr 13, 2018 07:43

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Raenir Salazar posted:

I read it as, why would you go to China to work in a fancy ghetto that could pass for any major Western city and has mainly other white people when you get have the authentic experience by renting an apartment like anyone else.

Yeah, it's this. If you live in an "international zone" you get all the bad parts of China (shoddy construction, pollution, terrible infrastructure etc.) and none of the good (food, daily markets, normal daily life etc.).

# ¿ Apr 14, 2018 05:38

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Peven Stan, why would Chinese people go to an inferior and racist US university when they could experience greater academic and social freedom in any of the cutting edge Chinese universities?

# ¿ Apr 20, 2018 06:49

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Peven Stan posted:

I dunno, why do liberals sound identical to perpetually aggrieved alt right shitlords concerning nonwhite immigration when called out?

Called out on what? Not liking authoritarian dictatorships? I'm not white or american so you'll have to help me out here.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2018 16:53

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Peven Stan posted:

White liberals concept of free speech begins and ends with asking whether or not the fascists and nazis are allowed to have newspapers:

So saying that fascists should be allowed to have newspapers is what? Bad? Good? You're making even less sense than usual.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2018 18:49

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 00:42

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

R. Guyovich posted:

i live in china.

You're hurting the feelings of the Chinese people by using a VPN

# ¿ Apr 21, 2018 16:21

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