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This might sound stupid... But does anyone have any tips to help get my 48 year old boyfriend over a stubborn fear of dogs? He was frightened repeatedly as a kid and now is convinced all dogs are murderous slaughter-beasts who want to eat him. I don't know how much of that is true, he never gives me a straight answer. The only breed he doesn't afraid of is Shelties, but I really don't think one would like to live with me. When I'm in a slightly better financial situation, I badly want a puppy or young dog, specifically a Swedish Valhund or similarly sized pup. I imagine there will always be a lot of small rescue dogs available, especially after the Jubilee corgi craze. I work as home, and have two cats so I would like to start with a young dog and teach them I also want to start with a puppy because... I was thinking about contacting someone with puppies and asking if Mike and I could visit them to help with his fear. He could see that very small dogs can't "eat" him. And then keep meeting puppies until he's more comfortable. If it doesn't work, I could just call off the idea at that stage. But if it was okay, and if I got a puppy later, he could be comfortable around it as it grew. I don't necessarily want him to be fond of all dogs.. Just the one I have. Paying for specific therapy would probably not be an option, as he is a stubborn SOB who thinks I'm impulsive and will get distracted from this idea. Thus: Ignoring it means I will go away and find something shiny. I've thought it through though. I have had about 5 years to. I've also talked with my friends who have helped me think about "downsides" and ways around them.
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Jun 25, 2012 17:40
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| # ¿ May 18, 2024 04:27 |
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ButWhatIf posted:Just FYI, there's not a whole ton of difference in terms of energy and drive between a corgi and a sheltie. I've had both, and from what I can remember of the sheltie, that breed might actually even be slightly more laid-back than the corgis are, especially if the corgi is BYB or milled and temperament isn't being taken into consideration at all by the breeder. Not wanting to rain on your parade at all, but I wouldn't rule out a sheltie necessarily yet. It isn't the behaviour, I just don't like their appearance. I've heard they can be extremely cuddly (to the point of stupidity), and Mike actually likes them! So I really wish I liked them too. So far as BYB, if I go to a breeder over a shelter, I (sort of) know what to look for and avoid. I am very familiar with pedigree cat breeding over here (good and bad). I know it's not the same, but I would be really careful!  I would go to this breeder first, as they live near me and their write up seems really good: http://www.champdogs.co.uk/breeder/4391 I especially like, "All puppy enquirers will be asked to complete a questionnaire, given the offer of meeting the vallhunds and asked relevant questions. At Eriksfjord a good loving home is the most important requirement for one of our puppies." A pipe dream, but that's the sort of people I want to deal with if their write-up is true to life. ButWhatIf posted:As far as the fear issue goes, I'd consider trying out a human-tweaked version of desensitization and counter-conditioning. Does he have a particularly favorite snack, like chocolate? Try pairing seeing a dog from a short distance with nibbling some chocolate chips or similar. Start shortening the radius, but only as far as he's comfortable doing so. Have him talk his way through it, telling you what he likes and dislikes about that particular dog. Don't critique his thoughts, just nod and ask for more information. Do one dog at a time, and start with the least threatening appearance - usually ones that have rounder heads and floppier ears trigger the lizard part of our brains the least. The ones with sharper muzzles and prick ears tend to call back to our ancient fears the most. Never try flooding (overwhelming exposure to the point of shut-down). It'll probably take time, and you'll definitely have to work your way up in size and "scariness," but it'll be worth it in the long run. Good luck! It probably doesn't help that a lot of dogs he meets up close in houses are bouncy excited and crazy pleased, with owners who ignore them. As an adult man, Mike doesn't want to say, "I'm scared of your dog!" so the owners don't give a gently caress, or think he's being stuffy. Hence puppies or someone with a small dog we could have one-on-one with.. I understand your point about "flooding".. I know he is the type of person who would give up after one "failure".
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Jun 25, 2012 18:40
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Engineer Lenk posted:My partner's strong fear of dogs is pretty much gone now. It would be useful if he could learn to be boring for them. I have a friend who's dog completely ignores any "go away" cues, even standing with your back turned and hands down.. That's the sort of situation where he freaks a bit.
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Jun 25, 2012 19:08
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Rixatrix posted:My best friend since grade school was so scared of dogs she actually worried she wouldn't be able to visit my place ever again once I got Pi. I talked her into coming over when Pi was a wee pup ("He's 8 weeks old! Babies aren't scary!") and as Pi grew, my friend gradually got over her fear: first she was ok with just Pi and now she is fine with all dogs. I helped on the way by teaching her how to "speak dog" since she had no idea how to read dog body language. This is really encouraging to hear. It's a long road yet, but he has said he might be willing to try.  I don't want a Sheltie. I don't like their appearance. Sorry for the confusion.
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Jun 28, 2012 18:25
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Asnorban posted:I will give some more support. I had some bad experiences with dogs growing up and straight up didn't care for them and was slightly afraid as well, and being exposed to a puppy who knew me and the great exposure to other dogs that came from that quickly got me over that. I still have a hard time with the ones that jump a lot, but I realized that a lot of what I was afraid of or didn't like was not meant maliciously in almost all cases. I hope we can succeed. I'm totally fine if it's too much. I don't want anyone to think I'm forcing this issue - We've spoken twice about it this year. If Mike is scared, I will stop.When you felt most against dogs, would you have been comfortable going to see a dog and her puppies? Would that have felt too much? Trying to judge how awful a sensation that is. I can only get so much straight info from Mike before he changes the subject.
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Jun 28, 2012 19:54
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Asnorban posted:I didn't particularly like going to friend's with dog's houses. I would do it, but I would definitely be a bit more reserved lest I rouse the dog too much. I never was in a situation with a mom and multiple puppies, so I can't really say there. But it probably would have been a bit daunting, unless I knew I wouldn't be subjected to more than one or two at a time. Thanks for the insight. Mike's friends with dogs let them do what the f they please at home, because they don't know he is scared. They think he is just "stuck up" about the dog, as he stands there being bounced at. I know he should just say something, but guy-pride I guess. Sometimes when we're out I take the fall and say I'm the one scared of dogs, because it's easier for people to accept. When I say puppies, I mean the smaller, under 3 month size of puppies. Would it still be a bit  ?
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Jun 29, 2012 03:35
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Engineer Lenk posted:I think you may get better results with exposure to a well-mannered or indifferent (read: cat-like) small dog than to puppies. One that's not known for jumping on people or barking at them. My idea was puppies or puppy so he has more control of the situation (he could pick up an over friendly puppy and remove it from him). A small dog like a terrier already has an idea of who's boss, if that makes sense. He doesn't think dogs are stupid, and would be wary about touching any adult dog (he was bitten by a small white terrier a few times as a kid which is where the fear comes from).
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Jun 30, 2012 02:02
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| # ¿ May 18, 2024 04:27 |
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Engineer Lenk posted:Terriers are dog people dogs - by and large they wouldn't come under the umbrella of well-behaved and people-neutral, though there are outliers. I'm not expecting a puppy to be a "magic bullet". I'm expecting it to be smaller, weaker and less self-assured than a full grown dog. You're also relying on a small adult dog's owner to have trained them properly. If a puppy bites or gets too rough, most of the time you are not looking at a serious injury, and it can be easily removed. Also I don't know if it's UK/Northern England breeding but I have never met a calm King Charles. Obedient, yeah, but so excited about getting that right, that they're like little bouncing children. Seeing the pack of them on the street is adorable but noisy. I've known several "calm" Maltese that suddenly crack and start snapping because you're in their house. I don't know if it's bad breeding or ownership, but it's a pattern I've seen here. I don't know their original purpose but they seem to be good at protecting territory.
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Jul 3, 2012 15:49
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