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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM The comedic timing on this one is impeccable.
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Mar 19, 2012 05:46
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Representative Wants To Meet More Kids Online http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocK7rZJ6U5w I suggest you watch this all the way through. God, I was not expecting that last line.
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Mar 19, 2012 05:55
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The best thing about a lot of the Onion videos like Today Now is watching them a second time to read all the stuff on the crawl at the bottom. Breaking News: Some Bullshit is Happening Somewhere http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo HackensackBackpack has a new favorite as of 06:45 on Mar 19, 2012 |
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Mar 19, 2012 06:40
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FDA Official: Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable Follow up: I Give Up On You Pigs Croisquessein has a new favorite as of 07:21 on Mar 19, 2012 |
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Mar 19, 2012 07:19
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Today Now! is pitch perfect in tone. Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five" Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures
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Mar 19, 2012 09:30
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The best ONN stuff will always be the autistic reporter. I remember when this sketch first started I was really apprehensive thinking, "Is this where they finally go too far and fail miserably?". Not at all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx5WJjXmuQI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tInDH2FeXaM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yi9hHDooAX4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D04wb7P_v-4 This used to be someone's avatar at one point. 
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Mar 20, 2012 03:59
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Good god, that stereotypical Autistic reporter always makes me laugh. "Before coming to a complete stop, the train ran over a snickers wrapper, a man and a glove." These ones are great, too. Anonymous Hero Donates Hospital 200 Human Kidneys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_5nLxZVoP Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k Celery Face has a new favorite as of 05:08 on Mar 20, 2012 |
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Mar 20, 2012 05:05
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Henchman of Santa posted:Get Out of My Face is amazing if you've watched even five minutes of Pardon the Interruption. You also have to watch it multiple times to get all of the hilarious stuff on the bottom. My personal favorite is the one centered around Mark Sanchez injuring his pussy finger.  "Could miss up to 5 parties" is golden.
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Mar 20, 2012 05:13
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Robert Denby posted:The best ONN stuff will always be the autistic reporter. I remember when this sketch first started I was really apprehensive thinking, "Is this where they finally go too far and fail miserably?". Not at all. This is loving marvelous. How have I never seen this before? Then, of course, the YT comments from a bunch of self diagnosed aspies come rolling in...
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Mar 20, 2012 07:25
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Came here to post this exact one, drat you. More goodness for the masses: Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion-Clinic Attack Drew Brees Casually Wonders Aloud If He Really Could Get Away With Murder In This Town PNC Park Threatens To Leave Pittsburgh Unless Better Team Is Built Gin-Soaked Craig Kilborn Shows Up Broke, Homeless At SportsCenter Studio Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team
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Mar 20, 2012 08:43
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This thread inspired me to check through the site a bit and good Christ they have not missed a step. Best Part Of Gay 12-Year-Old's Day Half-Hour Spent Eating Lunch Alone On Staircase Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To
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Mar 20, 2012 08:53
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As someone who listens to probably more top 40 radio than is healthy, this hits eerily close. Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall Today Now always feels like the most on the mark part of everything the Onion makes, it's disconcerting at times.
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Mar 20, 2012 13:59
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Continued Existence of Edible Arrangements Disproves Central Tenets of Capitalism.
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Mar 20, 2012 14:25
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One of my favorites Hot New Relationship Book Warns Women: 'Wake Up! He's A Shapeshifter'
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Mar 20, 2012 15:10
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Favorite 'In the Know' segment  : Should We Do More To Reduce Violence In Our Dreams?(pay attention to the panelists name in the lower third of the screen)
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Mar 20, 2012 19:01
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Al Qaeda Populating U.S. With Peaceful 'Decoy Muslims' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drQETQ2iprU I actually have seen plenty of people who act like this. The woman who plays Shelby is hilarious.
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Mar 20, 2012 20:01
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One of the first articles I read on Onion and still my favorite: It's Nice To Feel Wanted For The Murder Of Three Local Children
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Mar 20, 2012 20:47
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EPA Shuts Down Local Ghost-Entrapment Business 'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes (this one is my all time favorite)
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Mar 21, 2012 08:19
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poor and weird posted:EPA Shuts Down Local Ghost-Entrapment Business God the last line of the Ghostbusters one really knocks it out of the park.
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Mar 21, 2012 15:20
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The World's Most Alienating Airport http://www.theonion.com/video/pragues-franz-kafka-international-named-worlds-mos,14321/
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Mar 22, 2012 02:08
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Gemini You shall drink from the fountain of wisdom this week, repeatedly missing your big dumb mouth, and completely soaking your ridiculous shirt. Aries Not only will romance, adventure, and thrills refuse to come to you, they will also refuse to come to theaters near you. Gemini When the investigators come to sift through the twisted, disgusting wreckage, they'll be amazed that your fat rear end could do so much damage by simply "sitting around the house." Aries Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you. Sagittarius The bad news is your favorite shirt will be stained beyond saving next week; the good news is your favorite tie will be untouched, which is miraculous when you think about how many times you'll be shot. Aquarius They may be laughing at you now, but they'll have to stop eventually if only to eat, catch their breath, and get a good night's sleep in preparation for laughing at you all day tomorrow. Capricorn Everyone's happy that you're finally off the drugs and high on life, but no one has the heart to tell you that you're putting out some of the shittiest music of your career.
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Mar 22, 2012 02:39
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Capricorn Marcus Aurelius said to always respect the human faculty that produces opinions, proving once and for all that he never met you.
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Mar 22, 2012 03:15
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Saggitarius (I think, going from memory) Your death will be so violent that the investigating officer will let your mom down easy and tell her you were sodomized in half by a horse.
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Mar 22, 2012 03:42
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One of the more recent headlines without a story: "Teen Bonds With Foster Mother During Lesson In Using Cosmetics To Conceal Bruises"
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Mar 22, 2012 04:04
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School Bully Not So Tough Since Being Molested Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy
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Mar 22, 2012 04:19
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Little Debbie Conquers Jenny Craig In Midnight Showdown
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Mar 22, 2012 04:28
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Leofish posted:Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy Good lord that was more  than the Bye Bye Box.
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Mar 22, 2012 04:57
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poor and weird posted:'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes Yeah this one is a winner.
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Mar 22, 2012 05:07
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Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients quote:Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.
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Mar 22, 2012 06:15
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a kitten posted:Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia The whole juxtaposition of this vs. consonants to Ethiopia really seals it.
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Mar 22, 2012 06:51
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Senior Woodchuck posted:When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address I'd never seen that one before but it painfully straddles the line of so true it's funny versus so true it's not funny. I think this will be a useful link in my future. a kitten posted:Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia  . "Strč prst skrz krk!"
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Mar 22, 2012 08:10
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DolphinCop posted:New Live Poll Allows Pundits To Pander To Viewers In Real Time is my absolute favorite. Duncan Birch owns  and this is the best Duncan videoReport: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked
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Mar 22, 2012 08:58
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Cocksucker Beats Up Motherfucker Careless Blazers Goofing Around With Basketball Shatter Greg Oden Into Thousand Pieces (contains one of the better Photoshops they've ever made) Shaq Shows He Can Still Dominate Around Basket Of Fries Ebert Victorious (just a headline; made after the death of Gene Siskel) Another Disadvantaged Black Youth Drops Out Of School (sports fans will get this one) No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song LARGE THE HEAD has a new favorite as of 09:57 on Mar 22, 2012 |
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Mar 22, 2012 09:50
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Oh my God, I just now found this: Letter D Pulls Sponsorship From Sesame Street
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Mar 22, 2012 10:20
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Dairy Company Introduces Lots-Of-Pulp Milk
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Mar 22, 2012 13:34
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This one never gets old to me: In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0McggLIYmnE IOC Clears Pros To Wrestle In 2000 Olympics: http://www.theonion.com/articles/ioc-clears-pros-to-wrestle-in-2000-olympics,814/ Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas http://www.theonion.com/articles/weed-delivery-guy-saves-christmas,1264/
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Mar 22, 2012 17:22
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I try to read this one every year or so Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years of American Independence
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Mar 23, 2012 00:50
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Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored Anyone one their mailing list will certainly love this.
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Mar 23, 2012 01:27
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Totally TWISTED posted:Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored They did a similar one that was something like "Actual Plea For Help From Robert Redford Ignored." Ah, here it is: http://www.theonion.com/articles/actual-urgent-message-from-robert-redford-goes-unh,1760/
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Mar 23, 2012 01:31
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Man Who Just Assembled Desk Not Sure How He Has Every Screw Left Over
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Mar 23, 2012 21:56
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