PYF The Onion story

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clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Hobojim posted:

The first Onion article that I ever saw is still my favourite, and I haven't seen it posted yet. New study shows dolphins not so intelligent on land.

The poorly shopped picture just make the article awesome.

Counterpoint:

Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs

# ¿ Apr 11, 2012 03:28

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# ¿ May 5, 2024 11:32

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

http://www.theonion.com/video/new-wearable-computer-also-sucks-your-dick,33017/ :nws:

# ¿ Jul 2, 2013 20:39

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

clockworx has a new favorite as of 17:52 on Jul 11, 2013

# ¿ Jul 11, 2013 17:47

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Nation Thankful That Shellie Dean Zimmerman Was Charged With Perjury At Least

# ¿ Jul 15, 2013 22:51

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion

I can't even explain why this makes me laugh

EDIT: Or why the Onion I'm seeing articles from 2000 on my feed

# ¿ Jul 22, 2013 20:24

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Another surreal report!

Report: Some People Live In Pennsylvania

Last line as usual...

# ¿ Nov 13, 2013 03:39

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Alarming New Adult Trend �Plateauing In Your Career And Relationship� Sweeps Nation

:smith:

# ¿ Dec 10, 2013 03:46

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Zugzwang posted:

This really does have to be one of the best things they've ever done. I especially like "the screaming, the screaming" and "opposite of doctor."

"Tensile strength of dog skin"
:gonk:

# ¿ Dec 14, 2013 21:14

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

BKPR posted:

haha, goddamn. Is it randomized or does it follow a certain pattern?

Looks like a pattern. I got no repeats until I got back to the first one I had seen (cosmic rays and echoes)

My favorites were the unsettling ones - the screaming one , the blood one, and the one with the six-second pause at the end

# ¿ Mar 5, 2014 01:20

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Blood blood, blood blood blood

# ¿ Mar 6, 2014 00:36

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Mom Packs Encouraging Note In Own Lunch

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 04:06

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

The Onion's FB feed keeps feeding me terrific older stories

Lost Cat, Dog On Journey Die Immediately

# ¿ Aug 1, 2014 16:49

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Skeesix posted:

Not even the best today

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/b...source=facebook

I came here to post that :argh:

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 00:16

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

10 Most Awesome Last Words Ever Uttered

# ¿ Oct 1, 2014 21:40

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Can You Tell Which Of These People Lost A Lot Of Weight And Which Ones Just Bought Big Pants?

# ¿ Oct 30, 2014 03:49

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

HR Director Reminds Employees That Any Crying Done At Office Must Be Work-Related

:smith:

# ¿ Jan 20, 2015 13:27

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

ultrafilter posted:

How? I've only become proficient in German, been warned away from learning French, or fallen in love with Margaux.

Spanish, 2nd answer on the first actual language question.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2015 00:52

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

A really surreal clickventure

Sleepover at Brynna's

# ¿ Apr 2, 2015 02:14

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

8 Ways To Attract A Lot Of Beetles To Your Home If That�s Your Thing

# ¿ Apr 25, 2015 21:30

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Volume posted:

God drat it, who's the mole?

After much research and many attempts, I've found the correct answer is "Who cares?"

# ¿ May 4, 2015 01:29

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Softface posted:

We Put A GoPro On A Sparrow

This may be the hardest I've laughed in weeks.

We Threw A GoPro At Our Stepdad

# ¿ May 5, 2015 01:14

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Obama Still Hasn�t Figured Out How To Adjust Height Of Oval Office Desk Chair

# ¿ May 23, 2015 02:25

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Science FTW: IBM Just Announced A Robotics Competition To Stop The Winner Of The Previous Competition

# ¿ Jun 3, 2015 10:11

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

A few stories inspired by "a friend":

Drunk Will Show You, Everybody

Police Satisfied After Drunk Man Assures Them There�s No Problem

# ¿ Jun 25, 2015 01:55

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Hundreds Of Cheap, Generic Doorstops Flood Market After DoorBlocker Patent Runs Out

I love absurd Onion.

# ¿ Jun 30, 2015 19:42

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Nouvelle Vague posted:

I love all these "local dope" stories:

Local Oaf Not Sure What Part Of Counter You Order At
Dope Just Galumphing Where Life Takes Him
Local Dumbfuck On Jumbotron Waits Until Last drat Second To Wave
'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes

Tina!

Also, what Onion article is the closest to your real life? This is mine.

Area Facebook User Incredibly Stupid

# ¿ Jul 1, 2015 03:21

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Lord Hydronium posted:

If I remember right, this was written after The Onion had to add "[Satire]" to their articles on Facebook because people were confusing them with real news.

Facebook was the one tagging them, but yes, this was their (awesome) response.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2015 15:00