Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Forgive me if this has been answered already, but what's the best way to have a non-anglophone character in an English work? One of the characters in my story is French and for a while I used to sprinkle French phrases into her speech, but my limited knowledge of the language has given out and I don't want to repeat too many phrases. I'm toying with the idea of making her speech awkwardly transliterated -- English words, French sentence structure -- but most of the time it makes her sound "normal" awkward as opposed to "English as a second language" awkward. I'm also leery of going back to my old method of peppering her speech with French phrases as it might confuse the reader unless I immediately add a translation afterward, and that has its own issues of mucking up the flow unless I'm careful how I do it.

I know the best answer would be to learn French, but my free time is already divided between writing and job hunting, and while I think French is a beautiful language, I'm more in love with my terrible, awful writing.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
But how would I get across that she has difficulty speaking English? I could rely on something like:

Marci Mourir posted:

Marci stammered a frenetic jumble of English and French, her words mashed together in an indecipherable blather. She caught herself, red-cheeked, and turned away. She took deep, steadying breaths. "Derek. I am pregnant. But I do not think you are the father."
"Wh-what?" Derek's mouth hung open. "So who the hell is it?"
"That is the thing," Marci murmured, her hands flipping about in her lap like a pair of birds with broken wings, "I think it might be Kevin. Your... your brother."
Derek breathed a sigh and smiled. "You had me worried for a sec, babe. C'mon, let's go out for ice cream."

That doesn't really happen in the story, of course, but this is generally how I write Marci. She's unsure of herself, and intimidated by her lack of facility with the English language among other things, so she has a hard time speaking her mind.

EDIT: And so do I. I hate phonepostin'. :(

Screaming Idiot fucked around with this message at 02:17 on Dec 15, 2014

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

systran posted:

Oh, I thought you meant the story took place in France and they were all speaking French, but you were writing in English.

If she is an ESL speaker in the US/UK/wherever, you can include some intentional errors. Most younger people from western Europe (France not quite so much though) have very good English to the point that you won't find them stammering mixes of French and English. Having her never use contractions is pretty dumb. How long as she lived in an English speaking country? If someone from western Europe has been in the US long enough to get pregnant and have a bunch of English-speaking friends, they are going to speak very well with few errors. They will definitely know how to use contractions.

Sorry I wasn't clear before. She doesn't actually get pregnant; the excerpt I posted was an example of how I've written her thus far and not an actual event in the story, but you make a good points. I also considered having her slip back into using French whenever she's nervous or agitated, at least when she talks to herself. I'm honestly trying not to write her as a stereotype -- I want her to come across as an ingenue, at least initially, and as time passes she shows more and more inner mettle.

Oddly enough, she doesn't literally come from France -- not ours, at any rate. Without cluttering this thread up with unnecessary details about my writing, the piece I'm writing involves alternate realities united as a single oppressive mega-nation, and Marci happens to come from an unaffiliated reality ravaged by centuries of war and sickness and other horrible things, with only a few inhabitable areas remaining. She was sent to the capital of the mega-nation (planet Central, of the Central Union) so she could live in relative peace, but she was taken into custody and continually interrogated about her homeworld for many years until she was freed on the condition she joined a secret group dedicated to maintaining the safety of the Central Union, placing her at odds with her former homeworld.

I know, it's another silly sci-fi/fantasy setting, and I'm not going to lie, the story itself is full of derivative elements. But I've written roughly five full-length novels about it, and I'm nearly finished with a sixth. I have reams of material written about the world so I can keep details straight (WORLDBUILDING! :downs:), and I have everything mapped out, including ideas for sequel projects.

My biggest problem is editing. I have so much I want to get down that I never find the time to go back and edit my previous works, and so the earliest chapters are nothing short of eye-rolling. For gently caress's sake, I have a prologue of unreadable garbage followed with a first chapter WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER WAKES UP, LOOKS INTO A MIRROR, AND GETS READY FOR SCHOOL.

When I finish the sixth book, I'm going to put writing new material on hold while I edit what I already have. I'm just afraid of losing my enthusiasm for writing -- I've read many posts in this very thread that detailed what a soul-crushing process editing can be, and I hope when I finish my editing (and re-editing, re-re-editing, etc.) I'll still love to write as much as I do now. I don't think I'll ever break into writing as a career, I don't think I'm good enough, but someday I want to write something someone can enjoy at least half as much as I enjoyed writing. That means I have to clean it up; throw out some of the useless baggage and purple prose, the awkward and stilted attempts at humor, the cringe-inducing unintentional over-sexualization of the woman protagonist in the first book, and the bloated, unnecessary descriptions of things that don't need describing.

I have a long, long way to go before my work is anywhere near readable, but I want to make my work good, and I'm very glad I found this thread. I learned a lot just by reading the posts, and if it's all right, I'd like to ask advice as necessary. Thanks for answering my questions so far, by the way -- it's just a little thing, but it's the little things that make books work.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

Just go with "sacre bleu!" and "mon dieu!", along with an affinity for wine and baguettes. Have your francophone harp on how disgusting pigdog Americans are and how much nicer things are in Nice. Some snooty "haw haw"s should help.

Unless this character is a redditor, do not randomly preface nouns with "le".

I actually did end up giving her a preference for wine. Cigarettes, too. :eng99:

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
I just checked the word count for my work, and yup, 633572 words in all. And that's only the .wps file I keep the main stories in -- I'm not even counting the short stories, extra material, and cut material I liked but couldn't fit in.

I... I think I might have a problem. :(

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
It's actually fairly heartening to hear people tell me to keep working. I really do want to edit the first book into a more readable state, but I don't know anyone who would read my work. None of my IRL acquaintances are readers -- most are barely literate -- and I need someone clever enough to tell me how terrible I am, but considerate enough to encourage me to improve while hurling heaps of well-deserved abuse at me.

I can't ask that of this forum -- it's too much work to ask total strangers to do pro bono, and there's also the same factor that keeps me from participating in Thunderdome: embarrassment. Writing's my only pleasure and I'm already scared shitless by the idea of other people reading it, but the thought of staying awful is equally frightening! There's also the fact I've written five books in the same series to consider; I'm afraid someone will read it and tell me it's utterly unsalvageable. I'll have wasted years!

I know this all sounds stupid and petty, and it is, but I have no idea what to do beyond editing and revising my work. I know there will always be mistakes, inconsistencies, and outright atrocities that I won't notice because I'm the one who made them -- or to use a metaphor, most people can't smell their own poo poo -- so this is a pretty nasty snarl for me. Does anyone have any suggestions for a course of action? I want to become a better writer, even if nothing I write is ever published.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

Martello posted:

You could post a thread with your first two or three chapters (as separate posts, makes it easier to switch between) and people will give you feedback. Hell, post it and link it here and I'll at least review your first chapter. Even if you can't get a buddy or two to read your whole novel, if some of us can help you fix problems with your first few chapters, you can apply the lessons to the rest of the novel.

I think I could do that, yeah. I'd have to do a little work first to make sure it's presentable -- remove any obvious grammar mistakes or typos so there's less time spent pointing out little things -- but I don't see why I shouldn't post a few chapters. Even if it becomes the next Zybourne Clock of SA things to mock, I'll at least get some criticisms I can use to improve.

queserasera posted:

You may want to contact your local chapter of the Editorial Freelancers Association or Professional Editors Network, and try to find a content editor that's familiar with your genre. Pick your best work and expect to pay .015-.10 per word for editing.

I didn't even know such a thing existed! Thanks!

ravenkult posted:

Selfpub thread has a couple of freelance editors in the OP.

Hey, even better!

Screaming Idiot fucked around with this message at 19:33 on Dec 15, 2014

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
I'm getting lots of great advice so far, everyone -- thanks! First things first though, I gotta cut the obnoxious prologue. It had lots of relevance to the series as a whole -- the final antagonist is the very concept of entropy itself, given semi-sentience, eager to devour reality -- but it has almost nothing to do with the first story, which is an admittedly trite adventure into a Road Warrior-esque wasteland populated by kooky rebel androids order to stop a mad scientist from controlling the Central Network (basically a fancier internet that doubles as the afterlife for sapient mechanical lifeforms.)

Anyone want me to post it here so we can all have a good laugh at the pretentiousness? :haw:

EDIT: You ever realize how dumb something sounds after you type it out?

Screaming Idiot fucked around with this message at 00:32 on Dec 16, 2014

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
There's a difference between harsh, useful praise and useless ad hominems. There's no such thing as truly bad criticism as even the most poorly given comment can still convey a problem, but there are cases where the noise far outweighs the signal. Further, any criticism that suggests one should give up is bad criticism -- the entire point is to discover weaknesses and discover ways to overcome them. The best criticism I can think of is blunt and honest, but given tactfully. Less "you suck and I hate you" and more "I didn't understand your protagonist's motivation, your dialogue was stilted and unnatural, and you need to focus more on the story and less on the moral."


blue squares posted:

Sounds like someone was being an rear end in a top hat. Probably a lovely writer who feels superior about himself by belittling others.

Essentially, this. I've known more than a few people whose lack of self-esteem gives them the urge to lash out at others for no reason other than to soothe their own egos. These people are poison to a developing writer; they're the biggest reason why I'm hesitant to post my own work. But everyone here seems talented and helpful, though a few are a little too harsh. But hey, good feedback is good feedback, even if it's couched in insults.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Good luck! And I agree with Saddest Rhino, I'd really like to read your story too. Morality overload or no, it sounds interesting. I'm also curious as to whether the criticism had any real merit or if the complainer was just blowing smoke.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Well, I was hoping to critique a few other works before I posted my own -- I mean, it's only polite to contribute, right? -- and I was also hoping to proofread a bit more, but if I don't put up a thread and get it over with soon, I'll lose my nerve and slink back into the shadows.

I'll post a thread in a couple hours after I get off work and I will sincerely appreciate any help I can get. I'm probably going to get reamed, but dammit, I have to get good one way or another.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Say, is it preferable to post the actual text here on the forum, or in Google Docs? I plan on only posting a chapter or two at a time to give people a feel for my writing style (or lack thereof). I'm not sure about the rest of you, but gigantic blocks of text are difficult to digest without inordinate focus, and I want to make things easier on the charitable souls who plan to subject themselves to my schlock.

sebmojo posted:

I liked your secret agent bear toss-off, that was funny and decently written, so unless FYAD decide your fantasy/sci-fi inventions are hilarious then you should be fine.

This is actually extremely high praise in my eyes -- you're one of my favorite posters in the thread. :kimchi:

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Gotcha. Posting it on the forums might also make it easier to quote passages of text as well. Back in a bit with a link to the thread!

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
And here's the thread! I currently have the prologue and first chapter posted!

Forgive the awful formatting, I copied and pasted it from the original document, then went through and manually added the extra spaces between paragraphs. I hope it's not too painful to read.

EDIT: Dammit, I meant to edit my previous post, sorry.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
I wanted come by and thank everyone here for encouraging me to post my stuff, and I think when I've gained a little more confidence in my writing ability I may even enter the THUNDERDOME -- if only for the novel thrill of being disemboweled by giants with pens mightier than swords. :haw:

Crass Casualty, I think your story is great, though I agree with what's been said about it thus far. I can also safely say the group with whom you shared your story was full of crap, especially with what little "advice" they gave you. Keep up the good work, and don't ever stop trying to improve!

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Oh, I'm not afraid of feedback -- any criticism is good, as long as it's not just a string of white noise insults (which I've yet to see around here) -- it's the fact that if I'm going to write something, I want it to be worth your time. I'll get my rear end handed to me, but I want my effort to show, I want people to see that I wrote something I care about, I want to show that I tried to put at least as much effort into the piece as it took to read.

I may be a bitch, goddammit, but I'm a bitch who cares.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Done. Entered Thunderdome. TIME TO DEHUMANIZE MYSELF AND FACE TO BLOODSHED. :unsmigghh:

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Jesus Christ, did Gabe have a stroke and lose the use of his drawing hand or what.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
It would almost be worth it if I was as obscenely, shamefully wealthy as Gabe, though.

Almost.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

sebmojo posted:

A propos nothing, here's a quote from M John Harrison you should take the time to tattoo on your eyelids.

I need to write this on a brick and pay a homeless man to beat me with it. This is fantastic advice and I need to take it to heart.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
I've got reams of material about the stories I write that I doubt I'll ever actually get to use, and it hurts because I feel like I have some really neat concepts -- energy as currency (with bills or cards being thin, flexible batteries), cybernetic plants that collect solar power (POWER PLANTS! :haw:) as well as harvest trace minerals to be refined into useful materials, etc.

Anybody can come up with "interesting" details, I think. But it takes a good writer to make those details work, and I don't think I'm anywhere near.

Screaming Idiot fucked around with this message at 06:05 on Dec 23, 2014

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

Sitting Here posted:

How many POVs is too many? I know there is no particular rule about it, so I'm just asking for people's personal feelings.

For context, this would be written in 3rd person, and I'd be aiming for an older YA reading level. Like new adult, or w/e. The idea is that I would rotate through a handful of POV characters, but I'm not sure how many is too many. I feel like five would be ideal for my purposes, but the more I think about it the more I'm not sure.

Thoughts?

I run with a similarly large cast in my own story, and it's difficult to give them each their deserved screen time while maintaining both their proper characterization and proper pacing. But I've read your work -- you're clear and concise, so you should be able to switch points of view with ease. Chairchucker's right -- clarity is everything, and the better defined your characters, the easier it will be to switch between them.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Jesus Christ, Doc Klok, that was a hell of a post and it needs to be quoted for posterity in the OP. :stare:

Generally, the worldbuilding I do usually stems from me being bored at work and coming up with fun solutions to problems in my story. One of the conceits in my story is that scarcity is a thing of the past -- and with unlimited resources thanks to replication technology combined with empty, uninhabited worlds ripe with raw materials to harvest, what would have value? A high-school kid with Babby's First Replicator can make gold or silver, and most legally recognized resource-worlds are staffed with tireless automatons or 'Droid workers.

So how about bartering? Some materials would be harder to make than others, and it's easier just to trade rare materials in exchange for manufactured goods, which is well and good for large organizations, but how about day-to-day personal transactions? I settled for generic "credits" -- do work for a company, and credits are awarded in exchange. The government monitors all transactions, with advanced AI systems checking and re-checking said transactions' validity.

Okay, so the government controls the money. But there's always going to be a vocal minority that doesn't want to be tracked, and there will always be a need for material money. Why not make it something useful to anyone, anywhere, regardless of the world? That's when I decided to use energy as currency -- high-capacity batteries in the shape of bills or cards that could be exchanged and charged at a moment's notice. And hey, why not give them solar receptors so even the poorest person can let a few bills sit out in the sun and get enough of a charge to pay for a meal and a place to sleep?

Now the important part -- where does all this fit in the story? Well, one of the stories in my setting will take place on a resource/factory world that's been stripped clean, and the situation is getting grim as riots and wars break out between the workers and their corporate overseers -- resources are nearly infinite, but the labor to work those resources isn't. Corporations are always out to squeeze more value out of their workers, so what about a planet-wide "company town" where the workers are essentially indebted to the company, little better than slaves? The main government would ignore worlds like this -- why step in and do something about the problem and risk losing out on cheap goods?

A lot of this is basic cyberpunk material, but it's basic because it works. The test isn't whether or not the material is unique, it's how well I spin it into a story.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
It's shorthand for Android. In my novel there are two distinct classes of Android -- those that pass the "Sapience Exam" and are given humanlike bodies and those that have yet to take the exam, who remain in squat, bulky, mass-produced forms. The former are referred to as Androids, a proper, respectable term. The latter only get the insultingly truncated form -- 'Droids. The apostrophe implies that it's not an entire word, simultaneously implying the 'Droid in question is incomplete, unworthy of the completed word.

Also, I'm pretty sure Lucasfilm owns the word Droid.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
You guys do make a good point. I wanted the apostrophe to be insulting, to hint at how poorly "low-grades" are treated even before actual abuse is shown. The word is said in the same tone a racist would say "Yid" or "Spic." Single-syllablic, more of a grunt than a word, a casual and dehumanizing phrase.

Can someone offer an alternative phrase? I'll drop the apostrophe, but I want to keep a phrase analogous to the Droid-Android dichotomy I have in place.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Well, most do. Most hide the telltale lines around their joints and take in human names, but by law they must make it known they're Androids. And since the cost of the upgrade is exorbitant they're generally well-off, so they're politely referred to by their "proper" race name.

Crap, sorry about the stupid apostrophe derail, guys. I'll shut up about it now, and thank everyone for the advice you've given. Sorry, guys!

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

Szmitten posted:

Made that post on an iPad in a hurry and it was bad. but yeah, the main point is that I always remember one of the humans explaining why they're called Dumb and he says it with such mean spirited relish, and it was actually a clever name because they're dumb as in mute, and it's used as a derogatory name because they must be stupid if they can't talk ohohohoho.

Basically, don't go for something obvious like two variations of the word "android". Remember things like robot literally meaning slave and such.

Actually, "Robot" is a racial slur. Droids are gentle and kind by nature, but the "R-word" is one of the few things that can incite them to anger, though that anger usually ends with them running from the room sobbing. Violence is a learned trait for Droids, one that either has them reset to an earlier memory backup before they became violent, forcibly "upgraded" into military service, or simply deleted from the Central Network.

Moddington posted:

Or have the class divide between androids and gynoids. :mrapig:

Actually, all Droids start off "male." If one wants to be female, he has to pass a test nearly as difficult as the Sapience Exam in order to show he understands the concept of "female." That's why there are generally very few "female" Droids and very many "female" Androids. For Droids, however, the difference is mostly cosmetic, although female Droids are used for more "mental" tasks due to them being more intelligent by design.

Perhaps I should keep the name "Droid" for the low-grades, and call their upgraded brethren "Synths" instead? Would that be too generic? "Synth" sounds less like an insult, but in a way it's even more of a deceptive title -- they're hiding their Android roots by making themselves into synthetic humans.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

HIJK posted:

I think if you really want to pursue it you should drop the capitalized first letter. You don't see racial slurs capitalized in the real world so it's jarring to see here.

In order to really understand things like class and racial divides you would have more luck studying institutionalized racism across the world. Apartheid would be a good primer. Once you've wallowed in the nastiness you'll realize that racism isn't about the word, it's more like the word is an expression of the racism. Divides are more than just name calling, it's embedded in the culture, sometimes even the architecture (like the separation of bathrooms, waiting rooms, etc for "coloreds" vs "whites.")

If you really want to emphasis how lower class androids are treated then you need to work out the behaviors and laws and cultural attitudes and then implement them organically. Fictional slurs can always be made up later.

I actually have a lot of that background info set already. For example, Droids aren't allowed to make more Droids -- they're denied the right to reproduce. They can only be built by licensed humans or produced by the Central Network. They're also only allowed employment in "workgroups," and if any single droid falls below expected production the entire workgroup can be dismissed. There's a lot more, but you guys get the idea. This isn't even the central aspect to my story, although it's a large part -- lower-class Droids are also the only ones that can be remotely programmed en masse, which can make several dozen to several hundred rebel at any time, which adds to the prejudice against them.

Also, and this is kind of a dumb twist, but androids are actually based on living, sentient machines created by long-extinct higher beings. They used to be the dominant form of life in the known universe until time took its toll. There are people behind the scenes that know this, and seek to keep droid-kind oppressed in order to keep them from reclaiming their former glory.

crabrock posted:

There is a lot of prejudice and wrong information about Artificial-Americans in this thread.

Look, the Bible says Adam and Eve, not 4D4M and eV3.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

blue squares posted:

oh my god loving android chat.

If you have to write this many words to defend and explain your dumb idea than it is BAD.

edit: I was informed that my angry post was not angry enough so allow me to elaborate: screaming idiot your posts are very annoying and so are the apologies that appear in every other one.


Edit 2: your whole idea is just dumb

Hey, I tried to stop the derail way early on, this ain't all on me. :colbert:

To put a cap on my Stupid Robot Posts, HIJK, General Battuta, Dr. Kloktopussy, and others have said it far better than I can: Worldbuilding is a fun waste of time, but it's time that could be spent actually writing a story. What starts as a few paragraphs explaining a few tiny things to keep a story consistent can turn into a massive, sprawling encyclopedia of poo poo Nobody Cares About*.

Changing the subject, how do all of you feel about referencing songs and popular media in your writing? I don't mean annoying Family Guy-esque parodies, I mean little mentions here and there, like how Jon-Tom Merriwether sang popular 60's-80's songs in the Spellsinger books, or how Stephen King will sometimes use specific songs to help get a feel for the story's era or to set a mood. And should we be worried about copyright laws when mentioning the songs? Is there a resource I can use to check said laws? I've looked it up on Google, but I've gotten far too many conflicting replies, so I might as well ask you guys, many of whom happen to be published authors and are thus knowledgeable in such things.


*Which, if left unchecked, can encyst into a massive, sprawling series of Something Awful Posts Nobody Cares About. Seriously, I'm really sorry about that.

I added that just for you, blue squares.
\/\/\/\/\/

Screaming Idiot fucked around with this message at 04:51 on Dec 26, 2014

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Inspiration's always been fairly easy for me to find -- I just take whatever garbage I have in mind at the time and poo poo it onto the screen, and I clean it up from there. I mean, it still turns out to be crap, but that's because I'm still honing my craft.

A good writer can make any premise work.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

Liam Emsa posted:

Everything is derivative, isn't it? I mean that's what I'm trying to come to terms with. I can always describe everything as _____ meets _____, so I shouldn't get discouraged if I start realizing I'm writing something that's similar to something else?

I'm probably the last person in the world who should give advice on anything, but we, as human beings, are nothing more than the sum of our parts. Our writing isn't unique -- the ideas have to come from somewhere. The difference between a bad writer and a good one is a good one can present any idea, no matter how old and overused, and make it fresh and new again. Tolkien took fairy tales and mythology and practically invented a genre, and literally hundreds of authors have written literally thousands of novels that are essentially Lord of the Rings, and a lot of them are actually really good despite being thinly veiled derivatives.

Don't focus on being unique, focus on writing what you love, and then work on it from there.

also something something thunderdome something something

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
But it's true, isn't it? Even the most outrageous, mind-blowing novels out there are essentially retellings of older tales. We are products of our culture, a shuffling of artificial memes and base instincts combined to make a whole.

There's no such thing as a truly unique story. No such thing as a truly unique person. The way a story is told can make it remarkable, and the things a person does can be remarkable, but unless a person suddenly explodes into a cloud of sentient unknowable color that alters the space-time continuum as we know it, he's not really unique. Too many people try to be different, wrack their brains to create something utterly new, and either make more of the same and get angry for being called out on it, or they give up and assume they'll never get better. Their mistake is in thinking that uniqueness can be quantified -- it can't be. It's not something you can aspire to. It's an outlier, an accident, a happy anomaly.

We're human beings. We breathe, we eat, we poo poo, we gently caress, we fight -- in the end, that's what our stories boil down to, whether it's Isaac Asimov's treading into transhumanism to Richard Knaak's poo poo about immortal elves. All stories are examinations of humanity.

We are the sum of our parts. Nothing more. A good new story and a good old story have the same base elements; it's how they're combined that makes or breaks the story, whether or not it can draw in the reader. We're human beings, and we're writing for human beings.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

crabrock posted:

If I put you into a vacuum and turn up the pressure, I haven't changed your "parts" at all, but surely have changed your attitude a bit. Our "parts" are atoms and molecules, what we are is much greater than just a bucket of parts. If you want to talk about a story, it's the same. The parts of the stories are the words and ideas, but the way they're put together matters a whole lot. You can take two ideas that have been done before, and put them together in a new way that makes people think/feel things they haven't felt before. Have their eyes seen any new parts? No, but they've experienced something more.

That's what I was getting at, in my own roundabout pretentious way. People worry far too much about whether or not they're unique and not enough about whether they'd done anything of worth. I could write a story about a man who masturbates into a volcano and summons a non-Euclidean astrocube that sings in colors; yeah, it'd be "unique," but I doubt very much it'd be a good story. Similarly, I could write a story about a man who falls in love with a girl and would do anything to win her heart; yeah, it's a tale as old as time, a tune as old as song, but it's far more likely to grab the reader and make them invested with the story as a whole.


General Battuta posted:

I...guess this is true, in a loose tautological sense, and it's certainly something you hear repeated a lot in discussions of storytelling, but is it meaningful in any way? Stories are all similar, except in the ways that they're different. People share most of their genetic and environmental information, except for the variables that change. History's big and has a lot of inertia and individuals can't make much of a difference, except occasionally when they do.

We pick this book up and we love it. We pick that book up and we loathe it. We think about the differences, why one story succeeded for us and another failed, and we find them meaningful — we don't shrug and say 'well, they're all basically recursions of primal ur-stories!' You make a fair point that it's not worth fussing over making something completely incomparable to all other art, but is that really a problem anyone has?

I don't particularly think that 'all stories are retelling of older stories' is a useful statement. It's true if you zoom out enough, but it's also like walking into a chemistry lab and saying 'all matter is made of nucleons and electrons' and then acting like this is useful insight into making pharmaceuticals or explosives. It turns out that the fine distinctions make a tremendous difference in effect.

e: I just grabbed the nearest book at hand, Bolano's 2666, and frankly I'm struggling to figure out what older story it's a retelling of, even in a loose sense. I suppose you could break down the character threads and fit them into loose archetypes? It's a story about people whose actions are motivated by intellectual and emotional desires in a social and historical context, I guess that makes it like most other fiction...?

All stories have some things in common -- conflict, change, progression. A story is a chronicle of change, and change is usually motivated by one or more of our base desires, or a need that must be met. Not every story is a 1:1 retelling of an ur-story, but every aspect of every story comes from somewhere -- usually older stories. A character's mannerisms, a certain description, a plot twist, etc., everything comes from somewhere.


Echo Cian posted:

People be lizards.

But yeah don't worry too much about originality as long as you don't go directly ripping things off plot beat per plot beat and name your character Fromo who is a Mobbit looking for the Two Keychain. It's more in how it's written and later you can worry about that and change things if it is too similar to something.

Yeah, pretty much. And hey, we really are lizards -- we're doing everything animals do, we just have millions of years of evolution and hundreds of thousands of years of preparations and past innovations to rely upon. But those innovations are just roundabout ways of procuring means to propagate our genes. We can fly planes, write sonnets, and wear sneakers with lights in the heels, but we still poo poo and scratch our balls* when all's said and done.

*Substitute your itchy sex organ of choice, of course.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
I'm sorry about any fallacious arguments or circuitous logic used when explaining my point -- I have a bad habit of taking a simple statement and stretching it out with as much bullshit as I can. It's been a long time since I've gotten a chance to talk about anything academic and what little I know is either rusty or straight-up forgotten.

I think I should ask this instead: Why do certain stories appeal to you? What do they have in common? Do others feel the same way? Can you incorporate those aspects into your own work? I've always found the best approach is to write the kind of story you would like to read.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
You fool, nobody has ever used the letter Z.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
curse you for proving me wrong LOU BEGAS MSTACHE

curse you

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
I'm also in favor of a separate thread for personal toxxes. I might even join myself once I can be sure I can commit myself.

It'd be like a one-person Thunderdome. "ONE PERSON ENTERS! NOBODY LEAVES!" :black101:

Bobby Deluxe posted:

if you aren't using this can i have it

okay but it is not an ur-story so it will not be good :ohdear:

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
It might be more appropriate to use the comic-making thread, but you'll probably get more encouragement/unconcealed loathing from the fine misanthropes here.

Sitting Here posted:

I'm going to go ahead and just use this thread for my purposes for now. If FA suddenly gets too cluttered and high traffic because of toxxes, we can open a new thread. But with CC being a relatively slow forum, I think it's best that we consolidate our effort and mutual support in one discussion area.

SO. I have this short fantasy story I'm working on inspired by the general feel of stories published by Beneath Ceaseless Skies. I'm :toxx:ing myself to have the first draft done by February 28th.

So, uh, there.

Hey, shoot me a copy when you're done. You do solid work and I wanna be among the first to cheer you on! And offer honest critique!

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

Sitting Here posted:

I appreciate that! I'll keep you in mind for a month from now. I hope.

Don't worry, 'cuz I'mma bug you about it. You're one of the best writers we have here and if I can do something to encourage you guys to get your talents out to the world, I'll have done something good.

That's something everyone here needs to remember, by the way. Honest criticism is great, but sometimes a little (deserved!) praise and encouragement helps.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Can somebody suggest a good action scene? While the advice here is good, I'd like to see a few examples so I can see where I'm loving up.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.
Thanks, these are all really good. I noticed that a lot of great action scenes really on short, staccato statements -- a sort of machinegun rhythm.

How do all of you feel about onomatopoeia? I think it's cheesy shorthand for actual description, but Matthew Reilly seemed to use it well enough.

  • Locked thread