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Luna Landers While DiMaggio is out, we're going to play Small Ball! New Lineup: CF Henderson LF Raines 1B Gehrig DH Ramirez RF Aaron SS Garciaparra C Hartnett (Munson catches Clemens) 3B Rolen 2B Collins Bring up Eddie Joost from the minors to be an extra warm body until DiMaggio comes back. Stolen base slider to +5. We have Henderson and Raines, let's use them!
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Oct 7, 2012 12:02
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oldskool posted:Hey Landers what year is your underperforming Pedro Martinez? I might be willing to trade you my underperforming Mordecai Brown for him. It's '99 Pedro, and as such, virtually untradeable. In fact, with the Cultists series coming up this week, I feel it's time to burn a Ratings Challenge. I don't think I need to explain that Pedro Martinez, during his pre-injury stretch from 1997 to 2001, was in the discussion for greatest pitcher of all time. But this year in the Super League, he has not lived up to that standard. Let's take a closer look: code:code:code:Walks Right now, Pedro's walk rate is 20% lower than it was in real life during the 97-01 stretch. However, because his sample size is only 60 innings so far, this actually falls within the margin of error. Consider: assuming Pedro ends the season at 200 innings, how many walks would he need to finish the year at his average walk rate? code:Strikeouts The second of the three true outcomes has not been as kind to Pedro. He's struck batters out at a rate 33% lower than in real life. But is this a sample size issue as well? code:Home Runs And so we come to the third of the true outcomes. Unlike walks and strikeouts, I do not have exact numbers for Pedro's home run rate. However, as shown earlier, it can be estimated based on the fact that he's not in the top 10 for FIP. Given these estimates, how does Pedro's home run rate stack up? code:The counter-argument is that Moonbase 0-2 is designed to boost home run rates. However, the park only boosts home runs for right-handed hitters. In 1999, Pedro was death for right-handed hitters, who slugged just .267 against him. And while left-handers fared better against him, Moonbase 0-2 significantly reduces home run rates for lefty hitters. In other words, for purposes of Pedro's home run rate, the park factor should be considered at worst neutral. Summary Statistical analysis indicates that, even given the effect of the Super League on his performance, Pedro Martinez is significantly underperforming in terms of home run rate and mildly underperforming in terms of strikeout rate. EDIT: If possible, I would request that the Commissar expedite this ratings challenge to get it through before the series against the Cultists. Thank you!
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Oct 8, 2012 13:06
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Smasher Dynamo posted:Ballot!
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Oct 9, 2012 10:32
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Mock Draft: The Landers would prefer 1930 Joe Cronin to baby Pete Rose. We also agree with Smasher's assessment that '75 Dwight Evans is more valuable than '72 Roberto Clemente. Other than that, it looks okay to me. Smasher: If you can get me a list of current feeder teams, I'll draw up the expansion feeder list for you again this year.
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Oct 11, 2012 20:10
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This went somewhat quicker and a lot more smoothly this time around. I think I'm getting a system worked out, and I'd be glad to take over this job in the long term if it helps you, Smasher. 5-Point Teams (5 listed) 1962 SAN FRANSISCO Giants (103-62, Lost WS) Five Reasons for Five Points: Willie Mays, Orlando Cepeda, Harvey Kuenn, Juan Marichal, Willie McCovey. 1968 Detroit Tigers (103-59, Won WS) Five Reasons for Five Points: Al Kaline, Bill Freehan, Mickey Lolich, Denny McLain, John Hiller. 1974 Los Angeles Dodgers (102-60, Lost WS) Five Reasons for Five Points: Don Sutton, Andy Messersmith, Tommy John, Mike Marshall, Jim Wynn. 1976 Philadelphia Phillies (101-61, Lost NLCS) Five Reasons for Five Points: Mike Schmidt, Garry Maddox, Steve Carlton, Jim Kaat, Ron Reed. 1998 Houston Astros (102-60, Lost NLDS) Five Reasons for Five Points: Jeff Bagwell, Craig Biggio, Randy Johnson, Billy Wagner, the Comedy Stylings of Carl Everett. 4-Point Teams (18 listed) 1902 Philadelphia Athletics (83-53, 1st in AL) Why Four Points? Nap LaJoie, Socks Seybold, Rube Waddell, Eddie Plank. 1910 Chicago Cubs (104-50, Lost WS) Why Four Points? Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance, Harry Steinfeldt, Three-Finger Brown, Ed Reulbach. 1912 Pittsburgh Pirates (93-58, 2nd in NL) Why Four Points? Honus Wagner, Scoops Carey, Chief Wilson, Claude Hendrix. 1915 Philadelphia Phillies (90-62, Lost WS) Why Four Points? Gavvy Cravath, Fred Luderus, Pete Alexander, Eppa Rixey. 1918 Boston Red Sox (75-51, Won WS) Why Four Points? Babe Ruth, Babe Ruth, Babe Ruth, and not being afraid of loving curses. 1923 Detroit Tigers (83-71, 2nd in AL) Why Four Points? Ty Cobb, Harry Heilmann, Johnny Bassler, Heinie Manush. 1933 Washington Senators (99-53, Lost WS) Why Four Points? Joe Cronin, Heinie Manush, GOOSE!!! Goslin, General Crowder. 1934 St. Louis Cardinals (95-58, Won WS) Why Four Points? Dizzy Dean, Spud Davis, Frankie Frisch, Ducky Medwick. 1934 New York Giants (93-60, 2nd in NL) Why Four Points? Mel Ott, Bill Terry, Carl Hubbell, Hal Schumacher. 1941 Brooklyn Dodgers (100-54, Lost WS) Why Four Points? Dolph Camilli, Ducky Medwick, Pee Wee Reese, Whit Wyatt. 1978 Boston Red Sox (99-64, 2nd in AL East) Why Four Points? Carlton Fisk, a healthy Fred Lynn, Dennis Eckersley, still not being afraid of curses. 1983 Baltimore Orioles (98-64, Won WS) Why Four Points? Cal Ripken, Eddie Murray, Tippy Martinez, seeing Smasher's head explode when your rotation contains Mike Boddicker and Storm Davis. 1988 Oakland Athletics (104-58, Lost WS) Why Four Points? Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Dennis Eckersley, seeing Smasher's head explode when your rotation contains Bob Welch and Storm Davis. 2000 San Fransisco Giants (97-65, Lost NLDS) Why Four Points? Barry Bonds, Barry Bonds, Barry Bonds, Dusty Baker's managerial acumen. 2003 Oakland Athletics (96-66, Lost ALDS) Why Four Points? Miguel Tejada, Eric Chavez, Keith Foulke, Barry Zito can't be THAT bad. 2004 Atlanta Braves (96-66, Lost NLDS) Why Four Points? Chipper Jones, J.D. Drew, John Smoltz, the "Guess Julio Franco's Age and Win Free Tickets" Contest. 2005 Houston Astros (89-73, 2nd in NL Central) Why Four Points? Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Lance Berkman, the "Guess John Franco's Age and Win Free Tickets" Contest. 2006 Detroit Tigers (95-67, Lost WS) Why Four Points? Magglio Ordonez, Carlos Guillen, that Verlander guy, the "Guess the Foreign Substance on Kenny Rogers' Hand and Win Free Tickets" Contest. 3-Point Teams (14 listed) 1951 St. Louis Cardinals (81-73, 3rd in NL) Just Three Points: After Stan Musial, the other stars are old: Enos Slaughter, Max Lanier. 1953 Cleveland Indians (92-62, 2nd in AL) Just Three Points: Al Rosen and Larry Doby are good, but the pitchers are old, especially Bob Feller. 1957 Boston Red Sox (82-72, 3rd in AL) Just Three Points: One-point team plus Ted Williams equals three-point team. 1957 Chicago White Sox (90-64, 2nd in AL) Just Three Points: Good players like Nellie Fox, Sherm Lollar, and Billy Pierce, but a lack of superstars. 1964 Baltimore Orioles (97-65, 3rd in AL) Just Three Points: Brooks Robinson, Baby Boog Powell, and 37-year-old Robin Roberts, with the next generation of stars not ready yet. 1967 Chicago Cubs (87-74, 3rd in NL) Just Three Points: Santo at his peak, Fergie just hitting his prime, and Banks not quite done. 1970 St. Louis Cardinals (76-86, 4th in NL East) Just Three Points: Bob Gibson, Steve Carlton, Dick Allen. 1972 Houston Astros (84-69, 3rd in NL West) Just Three Points: Lots of decent young players, and look at that outfield, but no one really in their primes. 1979 Kansas City Royals (85-77, 2nd in AL West) Just Three Points: Brett, Porter, Quiz, and a bunch of spare parts. 1981 Montreal Expos (60-48, Lost NLCS) Just Three Points: Carter, Raines, Dawson, and a bunch of spare parts. 1989 San Fransisco Giants (92-70, Lost WS) Just Three Points: Oh god I hope you took a team with some pitching.  1993 Seattle Mariners (82-80, 4th in AL West) Just Three Points: Are Griffey, Johnson, and Martinez worth three points? Probably. 2009 Tampa Bay Rays (84-78, 3rd in AL East) Just Three Points: You'll have about eight disastrously failed closers available to your bullpen, and one of them's bound to work out okay! 2011 Arizona Diamondbacks (94-68, Lost NLDS) Just Three Points: Super League Trivia: No team with an Arizona feeder has ever made the playoffs. See if you can be the first! 2-Point Teams (21 listed) 1904 St. Louis Cardinals (75-79, 5th in NL) Two Guys Who Don't Suck: Homer Smoot and Kid Nichols are underrepresented in the Super League. 1908 Chicago White Sox (88-64, 3rd in AL) Two Guys Who Don't Suck: You could do worse than Ed Walsh and Frank Smith, even if no one can hit. 1910 Cleveland Naps (71-81, 5th in AL) Two Guys Who Don't Suck, One of Whom They Named the Team After: Nap LaJoie and Shoeless Joe. 1917 Washington Senators (74-79, 5th in AL) One Guy Who Doesn't Suck, Twice as Much: Walter Johnson is worth two points on his own. 1919 Chicago Cubs (75-65, 3rd in NL) Last Hurrah of the Deadball Era: Pete Alexander and Hippo Vaughan are worth it. 1928 Brooklyn Robins (77-65, 6th in NL) Two Guys Who Don't Suck: Babe Herman and Dazzy Vance. 1935 Boston Red Sox (78-75, 4th in AL) Two Guys Who Don't Sox: Joe Cronin and Lefty Grove. 1945 New York Yankees (81-71, 4th in AL) Snuffy and the War Criminal: Stirnweiss and Milosevich. 1951 Philadelphia Phillies (73-81, 5th in NL) Two Guys Who Don't Suck: Robin Roberts and Ritchie Ashburn. 1964 Pittsburgh Pirates (80-82) Is Roberto Clemente Worth Two Points? No, he's not. But you also get young Stargell and a couple decent pitchers. 1967 Atlanta Braves(77-85, 7th in NL) Hank Aaron Doesn't Suck: And Bob Uecker is a funny dude. 1972 New York Yankees (79-76, 4th in AL East) I Intentionally Screwed Over the Yankees With Bad Feeders: But Bobby Murcer and Thurman Munson are still pretty good. 1978 Chicago Cubs (79-83, 3rd in NL East) Dave Kingman is Their Best Hitter: Arguably worth it for Rick Reuschel and the bullpen. 1984 Cleveland Indians (75-87, 6th in AL East) This Julio Franco is Too Young: Blyleven is this team's selling point. 1987 Los Angeles Dodgers (73-89, 4th in NL West) Don't Confuse This Mike Marshall With the Good One: Hershiser and Valenzuela should be good in the Super League, though. 1990 Minnesota Twins (74-88, 7th in AL West) Two Guys Who Don't Suck: Puckett and Aguilera are the prizes here. 1996 Toronto Blue Jays (74-88, 4th in AL East) How Many Ed Spragues Does It Take to Screw Up a Super League Team? Just the one. Just the one. 1996 Colorado Rockies (83-79, 3rd in NL West) Will This Be the Long Awaited Return of Walt Weiss to the Super League? We can only hope. Also, most of these guys couldn't hit outside of Colorado. 1997 Boston Red Sox (78-84, 4th in AL East) Wait, Was Tim Wakefield Really Their Ace? ...  2003 Texas Rangers (71-91, 4th in AL West) Holy poo poo A-Rod for Two Points! And eight points left to fill every other position! 2004 Baltimore Orioles (78-84, 3rd in AL East) Is It True That "Melvin Mora" Is Romanian for "E-5"? Let's just say you may want to carry a defensive replacement there. 1-Point Teams (28 listed) 1902 "Baltimore Orioles" (50-88, 8th in AL) Why Would I Want These Losers? "Iron Man" Joe McGinnity and "The Duke of Tralee" Roger Bresnahan. 1915 Chicago Whales (Federal League) Why Would I Want These Losers? The first ever Federal League feeder team features Mordecai Brown, Max Flack, Art Wilson and Claude Hendrix! 1928 Boston Braves (50-103, 7th in NL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Rogers Hornsby. And no one else at all, admittedly. 1929 Philadelphia Phillies (71-82, 5th in NL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Lefty O'Doul and Chuck Klein could hit. 1930 St. Louis Browns (64-90, 6th in AL) Why Would I Want These Losers? GOOSE! 1932 Cincinnati Reds (60-94, 8th in NL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Ernie Lombardi was pretty good. 1937 St. Louis Browns (46-108, 8th in AL) Why Would I Want These Losers? I don't think we've had Harlond Clift in his prime in the Super League yet. 1946 New York Giants (61-93, 8th in NL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Johnny Mize could hit the gently caress out of the ball. 1950 St. Louis Browns (58-96, 7th in AL) Don't You Get Tired of All These One-Point Browns Teams? It's not my fault they always sucked so badly. Though Ned Garver was secretly a decent pitcher. 1950 Chicago White Sox (60-94, 6th in AL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Billy Pierce and Nellie Fox, basically. 1958 Kansas City Athletics (73-81, 7th in AL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Baby Roger Maris, plus Bob Cerv's breakout year. 1962 Houston Colt .45s (64-96, 8th in NL) Why Would I Want These Losers? A desperate cry for help. 1963 New York Mets (51-111, 10th in NL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Masochism. 1964 Los Angeles Angels(82-80, 5th in AL) Why Would I Want These Losers? Jim Fregosi and Dean Chance. 1971 San Diego Padres (61-100, 6th in NL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? Self-Loathing. 1976 Detroit Tigers (74-87, 5th in AL East) Why Would I Want These Losers? A Mark Fidrych fetish. 1977 Cleveland Indians (71-90, 5th in AL East) Why Would I Want These Losers? I hear Larry Andersen makes great trade bait. 1977 Atlanta Braves (61-101, 6th in NL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? They DO have the right Mike Marshall. He's just old and useless. 1979 San Fransisco Giants (71-91, 4th in NL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? Maybe you mistook Vida Blue for a good pitcher? 1982 Cincinnati Reds (61-101, 6th in NL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? You jumped on them the moment you saw Tom Seaver's name, without bothering to check his age? 1982 Minnesota Twins (60-102, 7th in AL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? You can never have too many Tim Teufels! 1987 San Diego Padres (65-97, 6th in NL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? You're planning on a pay-per-view eating contest between John Kruk and Kevin Mitchell! Winner gets dibs on Dave Dravecky's arm when it falls off! 1992 Kansas City Royals(72-90, 5th in AL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? One of these Mike Boddickers is bound to be good in the Super League, it's the law of averages! 1995 Detroit Tigers (60-84, 4th in AL East) Why Would I Want These Losers? Eating contest, David Wells and Cecil Fielder. Winner eats Bobby Higginson's bat speed TOO LATE IT'S ALREADY GONE. 1996 Pittsburgh Pirates (73-89, 5th in NL Central) Why Would I Want These Losers? A hypnotist -- now, stay with me on this one -- convinced you via post-hypnotic suggestion that Esteban Loaiza and Jason Schmidt were Super League caliber pitchers. Then, a serious concussion confused you and made you believe that each of them was in his prime rather than his early 20s. Finally, a sense of hubris and self-importance convinced you that somehow, a team with two pitchers as good as you believed Esteban Loaiza and Jason Schmidt to be would be a one-point Super League team. Also, Jason Kendall's an okay catcher. 1999 Kansas City Royals (64-97, 4th in AL Central) Why Would I Want These Losers? You read the above and thought to yourself, "Heh, that can't happen to me! I've got Jeff Suppan and Jay Witasick!" Also, Carlos Beltran doesn't suck. 2004 Milwaukee Brewers (67-94, 6th in NL Central) Why Would I Want These Losers? You're a former multi-time Super League champion looking for the challenge of building a team with the handicap of only 9 feeder points. 2010 Seattle Mariners (61-101, 4th in AL West) Why Would I Want These Losers? Cliff Lee and Doug Fister! Proven Super League commodities! I joked around about some of these teams, but in general, I think it's a very strong group. Last year's batch was a little bottom-heavy, with some very good 1- and 2-point teams and some 4- and 5-point teams that may not have been worth the cost. But I think this year, it's a much more balanced distribution. Every team has something to offer, even if in the case of the '63 Mets it's mostly comedy value. mrnoun fucked around with this message at 22:53 on Oct 12, 2012 |
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Oct 12, 2012 22:38
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Luna Landers I guess I should put Dimaggio back in the lineup? Lineup: LF Henderson 2B Collins 1B Gehrig CF DiMaggio DH Ramirez RF Aaron C Hartnett (Munson for Clemens) SS Garciaparra 3B Rolen Let Nellie Fox go to the minors, so he'll get playing time. As for the injured Nathan, that's why we keep Scott Williamson around. Williamson in Nathan's spot for a couple weeks.
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Oct 13, 2012 04:22
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If 1980 J.R. Richard is available at #27, the Landers will happily grab him. We have good neurologists on the moon, and we could use one more insurance arm to keep Bronson Arroyo off the mound in case of injury.
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Oct 13, 2012 17:45
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Luna Landers While I'm thinking of it, turn our stolen base rate back down to +2.
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Oct 14, 2012 02:10
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Luna Landers Lineup sans Hartnett: LF Raines 2B Collins 1B Gehrig CF DiMaggio RF Aaron DH Ramirez SS Garciaparra C Munson (Lollar for Clemens) 3B Rolen While Feller is out, give Richard the spot starts. This is your weekly reminder that Matt Cain is out-pitching Pedro Martinez.
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Oct 16, 2012 01:26
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Crossposting for housekeeping purposes: Luna Landers trade: 1930 Joe Cronin 1980 Joe Morgan 1998 Scott Rolen Oneida trades: 1979 George Brett 1996 Larry Walker 1979 Dennis Leonard 1996 Curt Leskanic 1979 Larry Gura Brett in at third base, hitting in Rolen's spot. Stash everyone else in the minors while I work out what to do with them.
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Oct 17, 2012 19:14
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Smasher Dynamo posted:Ah, trade season, when young man's fancy to turns to acquiring Curt Leskanic at any cost. I don't even know why I bought him. I already have a Leskanic in my feeders!
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Oct 17, 2012 20:08
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Luna Landers Hey, our pitchers are healthy! Let's celebrate by jettisoning Williamson and giving Maddux a couple weeks in AAA to think about what he's done. I could probably use him in middle relief, but I want to keep him stretched out for when Richard falls back to earth. SP Martinez SP Clemens SP Feller SP Richard SP Reuschel CL Rivera SU Henke SR Nathan SR Lefferts MR Foulke LR Langford
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Oct 20, 2012 23:01
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cbx posted:Clemens for Brown, straight up. I'll do it. '86 Clemens, right? I'll offer '95 Greg Maddux if that's the case.
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Oct 23, 2012 00:44
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cbx posted:Yes, it's 1986 Clemens. I wanna see oldskool's response first since he offered Brown first. No offense. No problem, cbx. Just giving you options. Probably better if you take someone else's offer anyways, since I already have a Clemens and having two copies of a guy makes it a little harder for smasher to build rosters every offseason.
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Oct 23, 2012 00:53
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Luna Landers This is still doable, though it's not looking good. Let's give Aaron a few days off for fatigue, and start working Hartnett back into the mix. Lineup vsL: LF Tim Raines 2B Eddie Collins 1B Lou Gehrig CF Joe DiMaggio DH Manny Ramirez RF Hank Aaron SS Nomar Garciaparra C Gabby Hartnett 3B George Brett Lineup vsR: LF Tim Raines 2B Eddie Collins 1B Lou Gehrig CF Joe DiMaggio DH Manny Ramirez 3B George Brett RF Larry Walker SS Nomar Garciaparra C Gabby Hartnett Bench: Thurman Munson Eddie Joost Mark Bellhorn Rickey Henderson (RF platoon) That means Dwayne Murphy to the minors for the time being. Thurman Munson personal catcher for Clemens. Pitching: SP Martinez SP Clemens SP Feller SP Maddux SP Reuschel Bullpen unchanged. My apologies to Rick Langford, who's been an excellent long man for two seasons now; he wrecked his numbers by throwing a crappy spot start because I wasn't paying enough attention to get a sub in.
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Oct 27, 2012 04:52
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Luna Landers We don't have a day off for the rest of the month, and we have the W's and Bobbles coming up after this week. Unfortunately, we can't really afford to rest anybody at this point, as we're teetering on the brink of elimination. Even so: Lineup: LF Raines 2B Collins 1B Gehrig CF DiMaggio DH Ramirez RF Aaron C Hartnett 3B Brett SS Joost This will give the slumping Nomar a week off to heal while I decide whether he's worth challenging. Munson continues in his current personal catcher role.
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Oct 31, 2012 17:27
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quote:mrnoun: a dangerous extremist who wants to break into your home and sacrifice your children on an altar to bring back progressive rock. It's not only true, it's the biggest plank in my platform! Luna Landers The Bobbles' catchers are Rudy York and Jorge Posada. For the next week, set our Stealing to +5. Lineup change: Nomar back in for Joost. Speaking of Nomar: Ratings Challenge. At his peak, Nomar was, for a few short years, one of the greatest shortstops ever. My version is smack in the middle of that peak, and yet he's not only not performing to that level, he's actually performing worse than the Juggs' past-prime 2004 Nomar. Evidence: The following chart compares Nomar's real life seven-year peak (1997-2003, with my version being '99) to the best seven-year stretches of other top shortstops: code:Now, this chart shows how he's actually performed, compared to other Super League shortstops. RBI is included solely to give a rough estimate of playing time. code:'99 Nomar has been the worst defensive shortstop in the entire Smasher League this season, worse than Derek Jeter and Ed Delahanty. He's not hitting for contact, and he's not hitting for power despite a home ballpark with a short porch in left. I know that this Nomar was acquired during the season, and that ratings can get a little weird for players added in this fashion. His overall rating of 94 doesn't seem too far out of whack, but given his dramatically subpar performance and his status as a midseason acquisition, I believe it is reasonable to request an adjustment to his ratings.
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Nov 2, 2012 02:38
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ForeverBWFC posted:I think one of the main reasons the new breed is falling so far behind the old guard that the loving Splinter Cells can win is twofold: The good feeders are drying up, and the older teams have had up to six seasons to fill the gaps their feeder teams had with trades. I don't think the quality of feeders is an issue. I think the problem was the Challenge system ended up helping the big teams a lot more than the small teams, widening the gap significantly, and I say that as one of the major beneficiaries. One thing we discussed in chat the other day was implementing a Super League version of the Rule V draft. For those of you not familiar with the inner workings of baseball, the Rule V draft is one of those weird little things about baseball that even most Americans don't get. It works like this: -Players who've been kicking around the minors for a while but haven't gotten a chance to play in the majors deserve the opportunity to switch to a team that might use them. -Therefore, any player who has been around for X years is eligible for the Rule V draft. -Each team can protect 40 players who would otherwise be eligible for the Rule V draft -- when you hear baseball folks talk about the 40-man roster, this is what they mean. -If you take a player in the Rule V draft, it has to be because you intend to actually use him, so Rule V players must stay on the 25-man roster for a full season after being taken (barring injury). For the Super League, we were talking about implementing a version of this so that borderline guys from the minor leagues of teams like the Bangers, the Bobbles and the Landers could find starting jobs on expansion teams, giving them a better chance of surviving. A guy like Dennis Leonard or young Nellie Fox is injury insurance for me, but could legitimately help some expansion clubs. Of course, since most teams in the Super League don't have hundreds of guys like real life teams, we'd have a much smaller protected list, something like 28-30 guys, and there'd have to be some sort of compensation for the lost player. Obviously, there are still a lot of issues to work out with this stuff, like what the compensation would be -- none of us had any idea. If anyone has any suggestions or alternatives, that'd be great. Things aren't remotely set in stone, and I know Smasher would love an idea that would take less effort on his part to implement.
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Nov 3, 2012 19:59
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Luna Landers Set our Steal rate back to +2. Also, I totally called the "Bobbles fall back to Earth, Landers put together a run, and it all comes down to the last series of the season" scenario in chat a couple weeks ago.
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Nov 3, 2012 23:14
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Official Super-League Referendum! Proposition #1 A. Yes! Proposition #2 C. No change at this time I'm in favor of more teams making the playoffs, for purely selfish reasons. As for Proposition 2, I know I supported the Rule 5 thing before, but when we went through the team list the other day, Smasher convinced me that there's a good chance this season is just a fluke. With a wildcard, suddenly about half the teams in the Dynamo League are still in the race. The Smasher League is far more lopsided, but Smasher pointed out that a number of older, established teams are struggling, making it look more lopsided than it is. I'd be willing to put off a decision for a season to gather more evidence. That's probably an unpopular position, so in the likely event I get outvoted, I would prefer a draft system to a DFA system. The DFA system not only creates a lot of busywork for Smasher, its overly strict format makes larger scale trades somewhere between impractical and impossible. The six-player deal I made with Marauder last season to get Joe DiMaggio would have been impossible under the DFA rules, as neither I nor Marauder would have had the roster space to make the deal. Likewise, the George Brett trade I made a couple weeks ago never would have materialized, because I wouldn't have had the assets to trade for him--they'd have been DFA'd immediately after the draft. The only trades that would get made would be the small-scale, sideways, "neither team really gets better" type deals, and I think that'd make the league a lot less fun.
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Nov 4, 2012 14:22
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Luna Landers While Manny's busy being Manny, we'll go defense first: LF Raines 2B Collins 1B Gehrig CF DiMaggio RF Aaron DH Garciaparra 3B Brett C Hartnett SS Joost
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Nov 6, 2012 01:31
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mrnoun posted:Luna Landers Addendum: With Ramirez on the DL, call up Nellie Fox.
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Nov 6, 2012 04:46
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ToiletofSadness posted:I thought about doing one after seeing last night's SL update, but, yeah, without the wild card, the only competitive race is the Bobbleheads/Landers race. And even there, there's no need for a magic number update, because the Bobbles and Landers have an unavoidable date with each other and destiny, the final weekend of the season. Our struggle is eternal, predestined and inescapable, unless Smasher messes things up with his realignment plans.
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Nov 6, 2012 23:37
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Luna Landers The Landers make the following bids: '90 Dan Plesac -- Our two remaining ratings challenges. '66 Frank Robinson -- '80 Rickey Henderson. '11 Jack Lapp -- '11 Slim "Slim Love" Love. '66 Steve Carlton -- '96 Larry Walker, '70 Thurman Munson, and '78 Dennis Leonard.
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Nov 9, 2012 03:44
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 I want it stated for the record that, contrary to what I may have said in the post-game interview, I have no hatred in my heart for Journey as a band. In fact, there is a lot to love about Journey! I love Brad Delp's high-flying vocals. I love the catchiness of "More Than a Feeling." And I have a special place in my heart for the adorably Babby's First Prog of "Foreplay/Long Time". They may be a guilty pleasure, but Journey are a pleasure nonetheless. In other news, swap out the injured Nathan for Scott Williamson.
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Nov 10, 2012 02:41
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kw0134 posted:
Would Rochester like to bribe me to withdraw my offer?
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Nov 14, 2012 04:15
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Smasher Dynamo posted:Slim Love is the man, and you'd be best served remembering that. You know what? Smasher is right. Jack Lapp isn't worth Slim Love. The Landers withdraw the bid.
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Nov 14, 2012 05:20
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kw0134 posted:And what do you propose? If that bid doesn't win I won't lose sleep. I hadn't thought about it. I didn't think you'd actually be willing to negotiate. Nobody's ever tried to bribe me before.
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Nov 14, 2012 05:50
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TKBomber7285 posted:
If that's the size of the bid, I'll go 2 ratings challenges on Lapp!
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Nov 14, 2012 06:57
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Landers bid Henderson, Eddie Yost, and Larry Gura on Robinson.
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Nov 14, 2012 07:01
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Lineup: LF Raines '85 2B Collins '11 1B Gehrig '26 CF DiMaggio '38 RF Aaron '65 DH Nomar '99 3B Brett '79 C Hartnett '34 SS Joost '48 Bench: C Lollar (PC for Clemens) '46 IF Bellhorn '04 IF Fox '48 OF Henderson '80 OF Ramirez '04 Pitching: Use the off-day to rearrange our rotation as follows: SP Pedro '99 SP Clemens '85 SP Feller '46 SP Reuschel '77 SP Maddux '95 If I'm counting right, that should give us Maddux-Pedro-Clemens for the Bobbles series, then Feller if a playoff is necessary. Bullpen: CL Rivera '99 SU Henke '85 SR Nathan '06 SR Lefferts '84 MR Foulke '04 LR Carlton '66 Minors: C Lapp '11 IF Yost '46 IF Teufel '91 OF Murphy '80 P Williamson '04 P Love '18 P Arroyo '04 P Richard '80 P Gura '79 P Leskanic '96 P Langford '80
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Nov 14, 2012 07:37
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Grinnblade posted:
That's: 1934 Hartnett 1966 Carlton 1980 Henderson ...for Gibson. Just adding years to make it easier for me to find them later if I need to. The Landers accept.
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Nov 19, 2012 00:27
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LET'S SHAKE THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT
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Smasher Dynamo posted:Was this man once a governor of Idaho? No one can say for certain due to all records of the early history of Idaho being destroying in the Great Shrivening of 1933. Fun Idaho Trivia: The Great Shrivening of 1933 actually took place in 1963!
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Nov 20, 2012 04:33
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 Did you know that Wisconsin has the highest per capita rate of Brandy consumption in the United States? Did you know it went up by 30% the first time the fans saw the Mudholes' lineup? Owner: theacox Location: Madison, WI Home Grounds: U.S. Cellular Field Teams Used 1943 St. Louis Cardinals 1996 Florida Marlins 2011 Milwaukee Brewers 2012 Pittsburgh Pirates Past Records Expansion Cup VI 80-82, 4th Place, Doppels Division Super League VII 69-93, 3rd Place, Senor Goodtimes Division Gauntlet VI Round 2: 26-14, 1st Place, Survived Round 3: 19-21, 3rd Place, Relegated Sunday, April 21st, late morning pre-game It was one of those mornings: cold sweat, crusted eyes, searing pain behind his temples, and absolutely no recollection of the previous night. Unpleasant, but nothing out of the ordinary for Ryan Braun. After all these years, he was finally getting used to the price. Now it was just a matter of recalling what he'd been told, before it slipped from his mind. He sat up, took a deep, cleansing breath, cast his thoughts back over the previous night's dreams, and collapsed screaming to the floor. After a few minutes of lying there, he felt almost strong enough to maybe stand up, though when he tried to do so he regretted it deeply. He also found some room in his heart to regret leaving the pain killers in the bathroom rather than bedside. But what he regretted most of all was that he was going to have to tell The Man what had happened. Sunday, April 21st, evening post-game (W's 5, Mudholes 2) "I don't know what you think I can do for you," said The Man. "This kind of stuff is your thing, not mine. I just hit the ball and occasionally kill vampires." "I don't have anyone else to turn to," said Ryan. "You're the only other person I know with even a touch of The Gift. And it's not like we haven't worked together before." "All I can see is what pitch is coming next, and even then, it's only accurate about a third of the time. You know I'd help you if I could, but I just don't see what I could do for you," said The Man, but he grabbed a chair and settled down anyways. "Still, you might as well talk me through it. Who knows? Maybe brainstorming will help." "Well, it was like... a blurred cacophony. Like there were dozens of dreams trying to get through all at once, but none of them could get through because the others were all in the way. Made my head feel like it was about to go all Scanners. And with it, the worst case of deja vu ever. Like, it's all happened before, and I just can't remember it, and it's all going to happen again, and there's nothing I can do to stop it if I can't even see the dream, and sorry I'm kinda freaking out here!" "Calm down, son, calm down. We'll work this thing out. Sounds like your first step is finding some other way for the message to get out, if it can't get out in your dreams. How about Automatic Writing? Worked a charm when we teamed up to take down that robotic Charlie Gehringer." "Didn't that turn out to be the real Charlie Gehringer?" "Yeah, but we killed the gently caress out of him, so it must've worked." Monday, May 6th, late morning pre-game Ryan woke with a shriek of pain. He'd known the dreams would come back again sooner or later. He knew without even looking back at them that they were the same confused jumble as last time. But this time, he was ready. He fumbled for the notepad, blanked his thoughts as best he could, and scribbled madly. When he was done, he tossed the pad aside, having developed a far more intense interest in some pain killers than the mystery. Once he felt vaguely human, he picked up the pad. As expected, most of it was utter nonsense. But the longer he stared at it, the more he was drawn to the belief that there was a message underlying the madness. It wasn't long before the message crystallized: PROTECT THE MIDDLE Monday, May 6th, evening, post-game (Potatoes 7, Mudholes 5) "Mystery begets mystery, that's how this business works," said The Man. "It's not like this is our first rodeo. We'll figure this one out, same as always. Heh, remember when Don Sutton refused to throw a fastball until we'd solved that Tower of Hanoi?" "Yeah, it was the best game he ever pitched. We should've left it for that knucklehead Sheffield to solve; Sutton would be unhittable." "Could be a Cardinals thing. St. Louis is pretty close to the center of the US, isn't it? And we have a Cardinals feeder." "But why would we have to protect the Cardinals? Weren't you guys pretty good that year?" "Yeah, we were. But I hear tell Smasher Dynamo isn't much of a Cardinals fan. Maybe that has something to do with it?" "Maybe it has to do with the increased polarization of politics in modern American society?" "That reminds me. What year is it, exactly? Sometimes it feels like the early 21st century, sometimes it feels like a post-apocalyptic nightmarish dreamscape several centuries in the future." Friday, July 26th, late morning pre-game It had been nearly three fruitless months. The busy Super League travel schedule had limited their investigation potential, but The Man had looked into the St. Louis connection to the best of his ability. Unfortunately, nothing had come of it. Ryan, for his part, dug deep into other possible meanings for "middle", including a thorough interrogation of middle reliever Bob Lemon, but had learned little except that Bob Lemon isn't really all that good a pitcher in the Super League. For a time, it seemed as if the dreams were content with the investigation, even if it went nowhere. But eventually, they did come back. Braun stared at the notepad. This time, the message was clear as day and unmistakable: CHASE THE RABBIT Friday, July 26th, evening post-game (Bobbleheads 9, Mudholes 4) "It's gotta be Hopp. He was on the '43 Cardinals, wasn't he?" Ryan asked The Man. "Oh, no question, it's Hopp. But why? Johnny hit .224 that year, he was just a kid. He wasn't ready for the Super League," said The Man. "We both know there's more to Hopp than his bat," Ryan said. "Oh sure, sure, there's the multi-billion dollar entertainment property. But that has nothing to do with us. And besides," said The Man, "Hopp is dead. Marauder killed him. Years ago." "But it all fits! 'Protect the Middle' means St. Louis, Johnny Hopp was on that St. Louis team. He's clearly what we're supposed to protect! I think we're supposed to track him down and bring him back!" "Look, we can't just go around bringing rabbits back to life! Maybe if it was Easter we could improvise something. But in July? No way. Once you go loving around with that stuff out of season, you're into Necromancy territory." "poo poo, I let my Necromancy license lapse a few months ago. Figured I wouldn't need it in the Super League, what with the eternal youth and all." "There's another thing that's bothering me," said The Man. "I think we have enough to worry about already," said Braun. "Was Johnny Hopp always a rabbit? I seem to recall an ugly dude with a crooked nose," said The Man. Tuesday, August 13th, evening post-game (Goose Eggs 12, Mudholes 2) "That's, it, I'm through. Done. No more loving mysteries," said The Man. "But I think I've got a bead on where Marauder buried Hopp's skull!" said Ryan. "gently caress that, we have more important things to worry about. Have you noticed?" "Noticed what?" "We're like, 50 games out of first place. We're careening towards the Gauntlet. We're going to loving die, Ryan. I can't take this anymore. I have to concentrate on playing ball. I can't, I can't handle the whole Dispersal Draft thing. I'm too loving good to be dispersed!" shouted The Man. "Look, there are more important loving things going on than loving baseball. We've got some kind of weird mystery thing going on, and that always means some hell dimension is about to invade, or someone's building a robot army, or the Republicans control congress. And here you are spewing some selfish bullshit about saving your own life? I thought you were better than that," said Ryan. "I thought... I thought you were The Man." "Yeah, well, you're The Man now, Braun. Because I loving quit." Sunday, September 29th, morning pre-game Time was up. Hopp was clearly beyond his reach forever. The Middle remained unprotected, whatever it may have been. All that was left was to suck it up and face his death with dignity. Which is why it was a shame that the searing pain behind his temples had left him with a very undignified case of the dry heaves. The dreams had one last message for him. FLORIDA SEALS YOUR FATE Sunday, September 29th, late evening post-game (69-93 record, gauntlet bound) Braun kicked down the door, stormed into the apartment, and slammed Al Leiter against the wall. "What are you doing here, Mr. Braun?" asked Leiter in a quiet monotone. "What are you loving up to, Leiter? I know it was you, Sheffield doesn't have the brains and Kevin Brown's too big a coward," said Braun. "It seems you've put together many of the pieces, Mr. Braun. But I don't believe you have the whole story. Why, pray, do you even want to stop us?" Ryan flung Leiter to the floor and pulled out his gun. "You see, it took me far too long to work this out. But the Mudholes have been doomed from the start, and it all goes back to the Marlins. I should have seen it so much earlier, but it really is all about the Middle. The middle of the field, the middle of the rotation. The team was never built right to survive." "An interesting perspective, Mr. Braun, but--" "I'm not finished," continued Braun. "Because the Mudholes committed a far worse crime. 'Chase the Rabbit', you see. The Mudholes were boring. It was just a bunch of adequate but not great ballplayers battling it out with the other relegation fodder for the priviledge of an early Gauntlet exit. They had no heart, they had no soul. They were a lot like your Marlins in that regard. And that's why Smasher Dynamo is pawning off our obituary on his 'B' Team writer." "Congratulations, Mr. Braun. Well put indeed. But there is still one thing you haven't accounted for: our Device." "Your 'Device' won't do you any good where you're going," said Braun, cocking his gun. "Perhaps you should listen a little closer, Mr. Braun. I said our Device. Doctor Nen! Begin the Procedure!" A mad cackle erupted from the other room, accompanied by the unmistakable whirr of machinery. Ryan said, "What? No! I was so close!" "Very close indeed, Mr. Braun. But once again, someone has underestimated the Marlins," said Leiter. "However, do not fear. This is no mere Doomsday Device. Oh, no. Thanks to this machine, you will get a second chance. We'll all get a second chance." Braun's eyes grew wide as understanding dawned. "You... you fool! You've doomed us for all eter--" Sunday, April 21st, late morning pre-game It was one of those mornings: cold sweat, crusted eyes, searing pain behind his temples, and absolutely no recollection of the previous night. Unpleasant, but nothing out of the ordinary for Ryan Braun. After all these years, he was finally getting used to the price. Now it was just a matter of recalling what he'd been told, before it slipped from his mind.
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Nov 24, 2012 04:34
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 Some say it was madness to try and wed Bolshevism and Existentialism. They could not have been more right. Owner: NotThatSamBeckett Location: Polyarny, Muramansk Oblast, Russian Federation Home Grounds: The Sub Pen Teams Used 1901 Boston Beaneaters 1902 Cincinnati Reds 1902 Cleveland Bronchos 1981 New York Mets 1985 St. Louis Cardinals 1986 Pittsburgh Pirates Past Records Expansion Cup VI 102-60, Imaginos Division Champions Defeated Barrow Daydreamers 4-1 in TLCS Defeated Vice City Goose Eggs 4-3 in ECF Expansion Cup VI Champions Super League VII 75-87, 4th in the Memento Mori Division Gauntlet VI Round 4: 18-22, 3rd place, Relegated The Postmodernists were dead, and there was no longer any denying it. Two men sat in NotThatSamBeckett's office, waiting for their team's owner. Their last Gauntlet game had ended less than an hour earlier, and the other players had collectively chosen them to represent the players at this final meeting: Nap LaJoie, representing the team's dead ball players, and George Brett for the modernists. Neither man was especially bothered by their situation, as each knew he was bound for an early spot in the Dispersal Draft. Rather, foremost in each man's mind was the same thought: Where is Beckett? Brett had taken careful stock of the room when he first entered. This would be the first time he'd met his soon-to-be former owner, and he wanted to get a feel for the man before the meeting. But to all appearances, it looked as if Beckett had made his exit long ago. The furniture, including the chairs in which Brett and his counterpart now sat, had a dusty, underused look to them. A pair of pots, intended for plants, sat empty by the door, and a single, moribund spider plant hung near the big picture window overlooking the parking lot. Filing cabinets lay open, their filing folders empty but for a few scraps of paper, each filled with long lists of unexplained and apparently arbitrary numbers. There was no chair at all behind the owner's desk, which was worrisome. But worst of all was the desk itself: completely bare, except for a chessboard, set up and ready to play. "So," said Brett, "This is going to be a Waiting for Godot thing, isn't it?" LaJoie looked up from his book, quizzically. "Never mind, that was after your time." A clearly annoyed LaJoie sighed, pointedly turned his chair so he was facing away from Brett, and returned to his book. George tried to recall everything he could about Godot, but he kept getting it crossed up with Camus in his head. So instead, he started going over everything he knew about chess. He'd never really been interested in the game before, but he now found himself deeply regretting that particular life choice. "No, it's nothing to do with Godot," said Denny Rainwater. Both men looked up in surprise. The enigmatic reliever had vanished months previously, before the Gauntlet even began. But here he was, looking just the same as he ever had, except around his neck was a pendant with a strange green gem. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid old Mr. Beckett, he ain't around no more," he said. "But he weren't around all that much in the first place, so we folks'll just have to do like always, and find our own answers." Brett stared at him for a long moment, searching for the right words. He settled on, "Why?" "Well, because there ain't no one around to find 'em for us, Georgie." "No, no, that's not what I meant," said Brett. "I mean, why... why everything? Why like this? A team with a weird mix of oddball deadballers and seemingly random modern players? A team with no power and a .255 batting average? Three modern bullpens, but Jeff Reardon as the closer? I don't understand. I don't understand any of it! What was the point?" "Well, that sure was a lot of questions, weren't it? Don't know how much I can help you with most of that, especially the whole 'Jeff Reardon' thing," said Rainwater with a smirk, "but I figure there's one thing I can help you with, sure enough. You want to know the point? You really want to know the point? Then stand yourselves up, walk on over to that window, and take a good long look out there, tell me what you see." As one, Brett and LaJoie rose from their chairs, almost as if bidden by some invisible force. The window showed, as they expected, a whole bunch of parking lot. "I see people," said Brett. "Thousands and thousands of people filed out of this stadium after the game, into that parking lot. And yeah, the game ended a while ago, but you can see, there are still quite a few of them out there. They're chatting with friends, maybe having a last drink before they head home." "I see miles and miles of loving Russia," said LaJoie. "Well, yeah, that too," said Brett. "But am I right? Is that the point, that we were part of something larger than just us? That what we did mattered, and affected the lives of all the thousands who turned out each day to watch us play?" "That's kind of depressing," said LaJoie. "Having your life affected by watching us play. Doesn't Russia already have a dangerously high suicide rate?" "What do you think, Rainwater?" But when they turned to look, he wasn't there. Ten minutes later, Brett and LaJoie sat at the desk, commisserating over a bottle they'd found tucked away in the filing cabinets. It had been filed under 'P', presumably for "paint thinner", but at this point, they didn't care as long as it was alcoholic. "loving Magical Negroes," said Brett. "Always waltzing into white folks' lives and teaching them important lessons, then vanishing without a trace. As if the only thing minorities are good for is enriching the lives of white people. Sadly common in American literature, and especially film." "I didn't even know he was black," said LaJoie. "Coulda sworn he was a Laplander or something." "Please, they prefer to be called the Sami," said Brett. "And it's probably one of those 'subjective reality' things. You know, like, your own personal experience cannot ever hope to conform precisely to objective reality because your interpretation of events can't help but be tainted by prior assumptions and prejudices? It's probably one of those things." "I think on the whole I'd have preferred the Godot spoof," said LaJoie. Brett thought for a moment. "Yeah, me too." "Hey guys, sorry, I had to step out and take a piss," said Rainwater. "So, did you look out the window?" Luckily, the guys were drunk enough by now to take this in stride. LaJoie said, "Yeah, but then you disappeared and we got drunk, so it doesn't seem as important anymore." "I thought I saw a bunch of people that meant we were all interconnected or some bullshit like that," said Brett. "But then I got drunk too, and it started sounding like bullshit." "Oh, you guys!" chuckled Rainwater. "But you're closer than you think. Take a little peek now, and all you'll see is a big, empty parking lot. A big slab of concrete with a little mostly-faded paint slapped on it. There ain't nothing out there but what we put there. And that's the secret. The fact is, life ain't a story. There's no moral, no storybook meaning. It's just life, and there ain't no meaning we can get out of it that we don't put into it. And if this sounds like bullshit too, it's because it is: it's a storybook meaning for something as essentially meaningless and random as the Super League. So you know what, gently caress it, get drunk, get relegated, get dispersed, and do it all over again. As for me, I'm needed elsewhere." "So you are a Magical Negro," said Brett. "No, I'll be signing with the new Intercontinental Champs, dummy. See you in Super League VIII!"
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Nov 26, 2012 06:30
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 From the fantastical land of Barrow, which is either a small city in England or a fantastical kingdom where wizards and demons fight an endless war for supremacy over the Kingdom of Albion, the Daydreamers hoped to become the first British in Super-League history to not be astonishingly disappointing! Spoiler: they failed. Owner: gingemidget Location: Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria, UK Home Grounds: Trethowan Park Teams Used 1918 New York Yankees 1979 Texas Rangers 1993 Atlanta Braves 2001 Chicago White Sox Past Records 103-59, Skyhawks Division Champions Lost 1-4 to Polyarny Postmodernists in TLCS Super League VII 75-87, 4th in Dies Irae Division Gauntlet VI Round 5: 19-21, 3rd Place, Relegated She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life. She had a body men would start wars for, tall, graceful, willowy. Or possibly petite and curvaceous. I can't quite recall now. Her face had an ethereal beauty to it, the regal perfection of a Greek statue, or possibly the smouldering sensuality of an angel looking for an excuse to fall. Her hair was amazing, though I can't actually remember if it was long or short, or what color it was. Her eyes would haunt me forever, but I remember nothing about them. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life, but I don't know what she looked like. We stood on a beach, on a cool, crisp spring morning, the kind you get right at the start of the year. Overhead, a pair of gulls circled, waiting for tourists to steal from. It'd be a few weeks yet before the tourists showed up, but they were patient. Their calls, and the gentle lapping of wave on sand, was all we could hear, though I know that spot, and usually you can hear traffic from the street behind you from there. Today, there was no one but us, and the gulls. The early morning sunlight kissed the water at just that perfect angle that gives it a red sheen, but I was not a sailor and took no warning. The sand, a brilliant white in the early sun, was still chilled from the long winter, so that it felt almost like curling my toes in a strange, coarse snow. And she said, "Nobody's ever won anything with the 90's Braves," and the world was jarred from its moorings. It was summer now, in the woods behind the house where I grew up. I knew them well; there was little else to do in the middle of nowhere but explore the woods. And believe me, I spent most of my childhood looking for other things to do. But today, with the trees shading us from the blazing sun, it felt like the most natural place in the world to be, as if I fit there in a way I never had as a kid. I was immersed in the sounds of the place, the cries of birds overhead, the rustling of leaves in the breeze, and beneath it all, the unremitting buzz of the infinite insectile hordes that plagued those woods. But today, they were not pests; I felt connected to the world around me in a way I never had in the past, and she said, "I don't think Al Oliver is going to work out in center in the Super League," and the life around me faded to nothing. The leaves were turning now, but they felt far away. The old school building, faded bricks and bad memories, loomed above us, but we stood facing away from it, looking out across the parking lot at the old ball field. I'd heard they'd renovated the place, but I couldn't see anything different about it: same old crumbling wooden fence surrounding the outfield, same ragged old basketball hoops beyond it, same complete absence of kids here on the weekends. I didn't have many fond memories of that ball field, and looking at it made me feel strangely guilty somehow. So instead, I focused on the basketball courts. I'd spent most of my adult life immersed in that game, playing, watching, even coaching. But as I looked, it came back to me: as a kid, I'd been loving terrible at it. There were no good memories to hide in here, and she said, "Mark Wohlers? He's terrible!" and the world sunk into darkness. It was bitter cold in the corridor. It was pitch black, too, though somehow I could still see. The walls were a smooth, uniform grey, the tiled floor a dirty off-white. Overhead hung dingy fluorescent lights, though they weren't actually on, and there didn't seem to be any way to turn them on. I walked, my legs moving even though I couldn't recall having told them to. I knew she was behind me, beautiful as ever, but somehow, I didn't want to turn and look at her. Even though I knew it was a dream, my legs ached from the walking, and my lungs burned with the endless cold. Finally, we reached an intersection and stopped, and she spoke and the world did not fade. "You've seen where you came from. Now choose where you're going. Down one path, reality: the Daydreamers were not a very good team. As was inevitable, they have been relegated. It's all over. There's nothing left but to move on, alone. Down the other path, the dream: eternal, unchanging, a chance to live forever in that one moment before it all went bad." Put like that, the choice was obvious.
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Dec 1, 2012 05:04
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This is probably the weakest of the obituaries I've written. The idea absolutely tickled me when it popped into my head, but I just don't think it works. Oh, well. A Brief History of the Empire by Sir Reginald Gelid, Regius Professor of Historia Frigus Regionem at Colwyn Bay University [Ed. -- While Sir Reginald is certainly the foremost authority on the Great Southern Empire, his understanding of the word 'brief' leaves something to be desired. What follows is a capsulated summary of the highlights of Professor Gelid's work. As this text is intended for a liberal arts course, the prose has been interspersed with appropriate artworks of the period, primarily portraits of the major personalities. It is hoped that this condensed work will sufficiently outline the major events of the time period, while the pretty pictures will keep the students from becoming too distracted.] The Great Southern Empire was a [Cut 12 pages here, which described the indigenous fauna of the region 200,000 years ago for some reason -- Ed.] place. But the Empire truly finds its foundations in the 8th century C.E., when the Moseleyi began their invasion of West Bellinghausen. The Moseleyi were a technologically advanced people for the time period, with a rich cultural and religious tradition that still influences the lands they conquered to this day. [Here, Sir Reginald digresses for a little over 6 pages to explain Moseleyi culture in some detail. While this is fascinating material, it's not necessary for an understanding of the Empire's roots -- Ed.] But the Moseleyi were far from home, and their supply lines stretched to their limit, and King Guillaume I, called 'le Froid', of Bellinghausen was able to halt their advance at the Battle of Grytviken (CE 785). [For purposes of this text, we are more interested in the details of the Empire itself than the various minor skirmishes fought over the ensuing decade, so these 10 pages have been cut. For more information about the unification of Bellinghausen and the defeat of the Moseleyi, I recommend Sir Hubert Cubble's seminal The Fate of the Rockhoppers. While somewhat dated, as seen by his use of the now archaic 'Rockhoppers' for the Moseleyi, it remains the authoritative work on the period -- Ed.] The final conflict came at the Battle of Tristan de Cunha (CE 797), when the Moseleyi forces were defeated in detail by Guillaume's famed general Hanley Ramirez (.324, 15 HR). Of course, while this decisively ended the Moseleyi ambitions in the region, they would hold the Ambovombe region for several more centuries. With the external threat at last extinguished, Guillaume le Froid sought to consolidate his domestic holdings. [Sir Reginald's love of extraneous detail rears its head once more, as the next 30 pages or so of text describe in excruciating fashion all the various diplomatic moves leading up to his coronation as Emperor, the actual coronation ceremony itself, and what kind of wine was served at the reception following the coronation -- Ed.] And so Guillaume took the Imperial Crown as his own, proclaiming himself Guillefroid I, Emperor of the South.  Guillefroid I [Cut here from the text is the remainder of Guillefroid's life, spent mostly in trying to keep his new empire together, and minor skirmishes with what Sir Reginald insists on calling the 'heathen Albosignata', amounting to four pages. This period must have bored even Sir Reginald! -- Ed.] With the great Guillefroid's passing, the Empire itself was splintered, with each of his sons claiming a kingdom of his own. Foremost among them were Luigi I le Pieux, who became king of the so-called 'Terre de Feu', home of the cowardly Aptenodytes, [Sir Reginald goes on for quite some time about how much he dislikes the Aptenodytes. We shall pick up again 18 pages later -- Ed.] and his brother, Mario I Kurz, who proclaimed himself King of Bellinghausen, Emperor of the South, and Guillefroid's true heir. Sadly, Mario lacked the talent to make these claims stick, and the Empire crumbled into a collection of minor, bickering nobles. The Imperial crown passed from hand to hand, or rather, head to head, for several centuries, with none able to reunite the fragmented duchies. [Despite his insistence that they were minor and unimportant, Sir Reginald nonetheless devotes a full 80 pages to explaining exactly who held the crown, for how long, and how they lost it again -- Ed.]   Luigi I le Pieux and Mario I Kurz This sad state of affairs came to a head in 1356, when the rising threat of the Filholi (distant relations of the Moseleyi) in the east forced the nobles to come to an agreement as to how the Imperial Crown should be assigned. This agreement, called the Golden Seal of 1356, laid out a series of rules and procedures by which the Emperor would be selected by a college of trusted rulers, the Prince-Electors. [Sir Reginald spends quite some time describing the courts of the various early Emperors, but these are minor side notes to history. For more information on the Golden Seal and the reunification of the Empire, see Sir Hubert Cubble's Reichsgut und Hausmacht: How the Empire Crumbled While the Emperors Waxed Strong, though be warned that he has a personal bias in the matter -- Ed.]  The Golden Seal of 1356 The election of Frederick III in 1452 was a major turning point in Imperial history. The house of Iceburg had, of course, a long history in Imperial politics. However, with Frederick's ascent, the Iceburgs were now in a political position to hold the Imperial Crown for a long, long time. Indeed, the house would not lose control of the Crown, except for a short period in the mid-1700s, until the final dissolution of the Empire many centuries later. Many of the nobles resented this, but once Maximilian I, Frederick's son, was crowned, it was essentially a fait accompli. Nonetheless, Maximilian took the view that minor political concessions would make the succession more stable. The Diet of Belgica (CE 1495) established the Reichsreform and the Reichskammergericht. [Needless to say, Sir Reginald goes into much detail about this. In summary, this established a high-level court of appeals for legal issues between members of the Empire -- Ed.] The political marriage between Maximilian's son, Philip the Handsome, and Joanna di Patranca [30 loving pages about the loving wedding itself. I'm about ready to give up -- Ed.] happened in CE 1496. Philip died young, but left a son, Charles. Thanks to certain quirks in the inheritance laws of the Patranca family, Charles inherited their vast holdings in South America. The Iceburg family would control this great wealth, directly or indirectly, for nearly 200 years, and it would be a major source of their power. Technically, [A 32-page digression about the politics of 15th century South American inheritance laws. gently caress it, I'm just cutting this whole section -- Ed.] they were still Iceburgs. During this timeframe, religious strife between the orthodox Forsteri and the heretical Gentoo cult [Seriously? Heretical cult? My grandmother was Gentoo. gently caress you, Sir Reginald. Cutting this section -- Ed.] happened. Further, pressure from the Filholi in the east and the hated Aptenodytes placed the Empire in what could have been a precarious position throughout the 16th century. The Empire, however, held steady, until the South American gold ran dry and the effeminate coward Rudolf II ascended the throne. [You know what? No, not going there. Cutting this section -- Ed.] Upon Rudolf's death, the blasphemous Gentoo rose once more in rebellion, the so-called Thirty Years' War. While supposedly a battle for religious freedom, this was really a conspiracy by the Empire's enemies, a proxy war fought on behalf of the devious Aptenodytes. Field Marshall Jimmie Foxx (.262, 20 HR) fought valiantly on behalf of his Emperor, but the Empire's enemies were numerous and omnipresent. Indeed, the Aptenodytes gained greatly from the conflict, as the Empire slowly bled out from the Gentoo dagger in its back [Wait, what the gently caress? Dolchstoss imagery? No, no, no, I am NOT including what is essentially Mein Kampf. I am through with this. I can't believe I put up with it for this long. gently caress you, Sir Reginald. gently caress you so hard -- Ed.]  A Hated Gentoo No, wait, I have a better idea. Let's skip to the fall of his precious Empire, and make him suffer through it -- Ed.] Unlike many other monarchies, the Great Empire of the South had successfully navigated the two World Wars by the simple expedient of not fighting. Their great distance from the battlefields of Europe, coupled with their relatively low population density, had allowed them to survive both the economic devastation of the wars themselves and the subsequent rise of the Red Menace.[No, no, skip ahead to where things go bad -- Ed. ] Student riots in the 1960s [Oh, this sounds like it could be good -- Ed.] were kept under control by the simple expedient of public stonings. [gently caress -- Ed.] In the 1970s, pressure from the conservative factions within the government to take a firm stance on the Falklands issue threatened to damage the Empire's strict neutral stance in international affairs. The Emperor refused to budge, leading to instability and calls for abdictation, until the Reagan Administration stepped in and gave Francis Joseph I their vote of confidence. Francis Joseph felt obligated to return the favor when the Gulf War broke out, finally breaking the Iceburg's long-held neutrality.  Francis Joseph I While the Iceburg contribution to the war was token at best, it set a precedent. When the second Iraq War broke out, the Empire, now a committed US ally, was at the forefront of the war effort. This proved problematic at first, as the Imperial forces, not used to fighting in desert climates, struggled to adjust. However, the tide was turning, and a surge of fresh troops was slowly winning the day, when the great Francis Joseph at long last passed away. His son, Karl Franz Joseph Ludwig Hubert Georg Otto Marie von Iceburg, [Double checked this, and yeah, that's his real name. I suspect that Sir Reginald is using it to make him look ridiculous, though -- Ed.] succeeded him. Karl was not half the man his great father was, and promptly betrayed his people by calling for the immediate withdrawal of all Imperial troops from Iraq. No doubt, the fey Karl was gleeful at the thought of all these strapping young men coming back within his vile grasp. [Okay, no. This goes on for... 20 pages? And gets rather, uh, graphic. You know, why are we even publishing this guy? -- Ed.]  Karl Franz Joseph Ludwig Hubert Georg Otto Marie von Iceburg Pressure from the US delayed the planned withdrawal, and as the deadline loomed, anti-war protests became more frequent and virulent. Unlike his father, Karl failed to deal appropriately with the terror tactics of the infantile left, and their growing tumor was allowed to fester. [I guess it's hard not to mix metaphors when you're frothing at the mouth -- Ed.] The Socialists' triumph was achieved in toto in CE 2007, with the now infamous March on the Palace. Opposition leader Reggie Jackson, a traitor to the Empire's cause (.190, 4 HR), took advantage of Karl's lackluster response to the civil disorder and demanded an immediate end to the hostilities overseas. Faced with this opposition, Karl voluntarily abdicated, paving the way for the 'Glorious People's Republic,' or whatever the gently caress they call their stupid country now. [Yeah, I feel a lot better now! -- Ed.]  The March on the Palace 
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Dec 2, 2012 16:27
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UZWorm: 1926 Lou Gehrig for your pick?
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Dec 3, 2012 23:47
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Luna Landers Trade Block We're looking to swap a backup catcher for a backup outfielder. We have a reliable if young backup catcher available, 1946 Sherm Lollar. While Lollar was just 21 in 1946, he was already a solid defender. For his career, he won three Gold Gloves. TZR rates him as the 33rd best defensive catcher of all time. As for his bat, he peaked at 22 home runs in a season, had a career OBP of .357, and had an OPS+ of 104. He's not going to be a star in the Super League, but he's a solid backup. I'm looking for a backup outfielder in return. Don't need a superstar, just someone with some pop who won't kill me in case of injuries. I'd also take a draft pick.
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Dec 6, 2012 03:18
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| # ¿ May 9, 2024 23:17 |
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Luna Landers offer 1926 Lou Gehrig Supplemental draft pick #55 Web 2.0 Bloggers offer 1968 Denny McLain 1968 Willie Horton 3rd round pick #35
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Dec 7, 2012 00:08
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