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SLFC 49: Weedman vs. Penn : I want to clarify that if people want to make new featherweights or super-heavyweights, they can do so for free at the moment. With that said, let's take care of some prelims before move onto the main card. Yoshida? : Right.PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Jarred Kelenic (1-6) vs. Chef Sal [HK] (4-4) : So first, Kelenic scored a TKO win over Chef Sal: You clearly have those names reversed.: Let me check...  : No, I was right the first time.: Good god.Official Decision: Jarred Kelenic def. Chef Sal by TKO (Strikes) (2:01, Round 2) PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: Vince Neil [ROCK] (4-4) vs. Dankwart Rustow [NHC] (3-4) : In the next prelim, Neil stomped Rustow to death.  Official Decision: Vince Neil def. Dankwart Rustow by TKO (Strikes) (4:25, Round 1) PRELIM Middleweight Bout: Daisuke Yamamoto [TAC] (1-5) vs. Kaphwan Kim [FGC] (2-5) : Finally, Kaphwan Kim couldn't knock Yamamoto out, but I'm really not sure that was a good thing for Yamamoto.      Official Decision: Kaphwan Kim def. Daisuke Yamamoto by Uni. Decision (30-24, 30-25, 30-24) Catchweight Bout: Michael Bolton [ROCK] (6-3) vs. Jon Moxley [RBRCC] (5-5)  Round 1 : Bolton missed weight again, and I'm not sure how I can give him a title shot if- : Nevermind, I guess that doesn't matter at the moment.Official Decision: Jon Moxley def. Michael Bolton by KO (Punch) (0:34, Round 1)  Middleweight Bout: Petey Williams [CAN] (4-4) vs. Herman McNally [RCH] (2-5)  Round 1 : A striker vs. grappler contest here.: McNally needs to avoid getting taken down here because-   : -of that.Official Decision: Petey Williams def. Herman McNally by Submission (Kneebar) (3:39, Round 1)  Middleweight Bout: Johnny Cage [FGC] (1-0) vs. Blue Mary [FGC] (5-2)  Round 1 : Yaya weeps as I force his fighters to war with one another. Mary with the quick takedown! Passes to side control, goes for the mount! Tries an armbar! : Cage reverses! : And wisely chooses to stand up! But Mary goes for a quick takedown! Passes to side control, goes for the mount! Tries an armbar! : Cage reverses! : And wisely chooses to stand up!: Oh no! We're in a timeloop!: Fortunately the round ends to free us from this prison.Round 2 : Mary with the quick takedown! Passes to side control, goes for the mount! Tries-: An armbar?: Nope, americana! Official Decision: Blue Mary def. Johnny Cage by Submission (americana) (4:15, Round 2)  Welterweight Bout: Leonardo Serra [MSNT] (6-5) vs. Walter Siegmeister [NHC] (1-1)  Round 1 : The fight begins and- : He wants to grapple with Serra? The best grappler in the division? Seriously?: Maybe Siegmeister has a plan! : Serra looking for the takedown.: Siegmeister can just defend it. It's not like he'd do something stupid like pulling guard to try and grab a guillotine or something.  : I do not think Siegmeister is going to win this fight.  : Good call.Official Decision: Leonardo Serra def. Walter Siegmeister by Submission (arm triangle) (3:26, Round 1)  Heavyweight Bout: Gat [D-KEN] (5-4) vs. Badland Chugs Jr. [HK] (4-2)  Round 1 : And we'll start the fight with some inconclusive striking before Gat stops in the middle of the cage, and slowly feels her hooves, as though realizing for the first time that she is a centaur, and can simply trample her opponent. : Chugs cannot seem to figure out how to handle a centaur, and time runs out with Gat in a dominant position.Round 2 : And Gat will charge across the cage, once more looking to trample Chugs, who tries to avoid being crushed to death. : Alas, in vain. : And Chugs finds himself pressed against the cage, his legs having been crushed by Gat's hooves.: I think his legs might be broken.: Gat grabs Chugs around the neck and leans back with all of her bulk! : A crushing victory.Official Decision: Gat def. Badland Chugs Jr. by Submission (guillotine) (3:44, Round 2)  Light Heavyweight Championship Bout: Avery Weedman [MSNT] (10-1) vs. Jaxon Penn [BUN] (1-0)  : It is now time for-   : Nevermind.Official Decision: Avery Weedman def. Jaxon Penn by TKO (Strikes) (1:29, Round 1) Your winner and STILL the FIFTH Light Heavyweight Champion: Avery Weedman!   Fighter Points Cooking School: 2 points ROCK: 3 points NHC: 2 points FGC: 5 points Tachibana: 1 point RBRCC: 5 points Team Canada: 5 points Rochester: 4 points MSNT: 7 points Dead Kennedys: 5 points Buntsville: 3 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 50: Villa vs. Drago 4 Juan Villa [RCH] vs. FS Drago [MSNT] For the Heavyweight Championship Slab [FITCH] vs. Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] Heavyweight Bout Horace Pippin [NHC] vs. Sakura Kasugano [FGC] Lightweight Bout Brouck Lessner [SODAK] vs. Storg [D-KEN] Shiro Kazami [TAC] vs. Hayato Ichimonji [TAC] Welterweight Bout Jimmy Hayato [BUN] vs. Hyperion Royale [MSNT] Lightweight Bout Shigeru Jo [TAC] vs. Tyson Dux [CAN] Light Heavyweight Bout SLFC 51: Steiner vs. O'Rae George Steiner [RCH] vs. Terry O'Rae [FITCH] For the Welterweight Championship Pander Panderer [UNDEF] vs. Marty McSorley [FITCH] Welterweight Bout Mazus [D-KEN] vs. Rei Himaru [SHIKI] Lightweight Bout Ivan Orloff [BUN] vs. Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] Heavyweight Bout Magnus Barefoot [NHC] vs. JR Leap [UNDEF] Lightweight Bout Bobby Roode [CAN] vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] Heavyweight Bout Marshawn Money [MSNT] vs. Clevin Dark [SODAK] Light Heavyweight Bout
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Nov 11, 2023 01:48
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SLFC 50: Villa vs. Drago 4: We still need more featherweight and super heavyweights. Also, fighters in general. Give me all your fighters. Give them to me now! Light Heavyweight Bout: Shigeru Jo [TAC] (0-6) vs. Tyson Dux [CAN] (4-3)  Round 1 : So this one-    : Is getting ugly fast.: In theory, Jo is better off facing a striker like Dux.   : Theories are made to be disproven, I guess. Can Jo survive? : Holy poo poo, I guess he can. Jo survives to the end of the round.Round 2 : And Jo is having troubling standing. That seems like it might be a problem.: Well, he can still sort of stand. : Ooh.: Dux looks to finish the job.  : That probably should have been stopped after Jo could no longer stand.Official Decision: Tyson Dux def. Shigeru Jo by TKO (Strikes) (2:03, Round 2)  Lightweight Bout: Jimmy Hayato [BUN] (0-1) vs. Hyperion Royale [MSNT] (3-4)  Round 1 : Tepid striking to start. Royale looks for the body kick- : Gets taken down off it. And- : That will do it for the round, apparently.Round 2 : Second round. Royale works the leg, but is mainly trying to keep his distance from Hayato.: Royale is a cautious fighter generally, he's not a wrestler, so it makes sense that he wants to stay out of range and just take whatever he can get from the outside. It's just not exciting.: Hayato decides to take a risk with a minute remaining, and shoots from distance. : Gets it! And he'll run out the clock.Round 3 : Essentially, the question is whether Royale will kill the clock standing, or Hayato will take Royale down, and kill the clock from the mat. Whose boring stalling will carry the day? The fans demand to know! : Hayato wins the great stall-off of '23! Hurrah!Official Decision: Jimmy Hayato def. Hyperion Royale by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Welterweight Bout: Shiro Kazami [TAC] (4-5) vs. Hayato Ichimonji [TAC] (3-3)  Round 1 : It's Rider vs. Rider, so I'm expecting to see some striking fireworks! : ... : gently caress it. I declare Kazami the winner.Official Decision: Shiro Kazami def. Hayato Ichimonji by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)  Heavyweight Bout: Brouck Lessner [SODAK] (2-8) vs. STORG! [D-KEN] (5-6)  Round 1 : If Storg loses, I laugh at him. : I am preparing to laugh.: Lessner is a good wrestler, even if he's not good at anything else.: Kill him, Brouck!   : Time expires as Brouck does nothing. Nothing at all. Why, Brouck, why?Round 2 : Okay, that didn't go quite as I wanted, but Brouck was able to get a takedown. He can get a decision!    : drat you, Storg!Official Decision: Storg def. Brouck Lessner by TKO (Strikes) (1:12, Round 2)  Lightweight Bout: Horace Pippin [NHC] (4-2) vs. Sakura Kasugano [FGC] (3-3)  Round 1 : Are you okay? You seem angrier today than usual, and that's saying something.: I didn't get a lot of sleep, because I can never get a decent amount of sleep, and now I'm stuck doing another one of these updates, and no one cares, and I'm just begging for a decent fight. : And now Pippin takes Sakura down and does nothing! Great! Can we skip to the next round?Round 2  : You know what? Pippin's not doing anything here, either! Let's skip to the next round again!Round 3  : I give up.Official Decision: Horace Pippin def. Sakura Kasugano by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)  Heavyweight Bout: Slab [FITCH] (6-3) vs. Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] (9-2)  Round 1 : The winner of this fight is going to get a title shot. So, these guys should be trying to impress me. : TRY HARDER! What is Slab doing now? : A takedown? Well, that's a little promising. Slab will struggle to get past Koslov's guard, but he'll do it. He gets to side control as Koslov is not great off his back. He gets Koslov's back! He gets both hooks in! He goes for the choke! : drat it.Round 2 : Second round-  : SUUUUUUUUUUPERSLAM! And Slab will again pass guard! He'll get Koslov's back! He goes for the choke! : drat IT!Round 3 : Third round- : Didn't Koslov used to have some semblance of takedown defense?: Drago may have punched it out of his skull?: Either way, the fight is over.Official Decision: Slab def. Vladimir Koslov by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)  Heavyweight Championship Bout: Juan Villa [RCH] (7-3) vs. FS Drago [MSNT] (7-2)  : It is now time for the main event of the evening! The following contest is for the undisputed heavyweight championship, and there is a special stipulation! The loser of this fight must immediately and forever leave the heavyweight division! Introducing first, the challenger, he is the former heavyweight champion of the world, FS Drago! And his opponent, from Stockton, California, he is the reigning, defending heavyweight champion of the world, Juan Villa!Round 1 : You figure it's going to be a war tonight as- : I guess not.Official Decision: FS Drago def. Juan Villa by KO (Punch) (2:50, Round 1) Your winner and ONCE AGAIN the Heavyweight Champion: FS Drago!   Fighter Points Team Canada: 5 points Tachibana Racing: 7 points Buntsville: 2 points MSNT: 9 points Dead Kennedys: 2 points SODAK: 1 point NHC: 2 points FGC: 1 point FITCH: 2 points RBRCC: 1 point Rochester: 3 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 51: Steiner vs. O'Rae George Steiner [RCH] vs. Terry O'Rae [FITCH] For the Welterweight Championship Pander Panderer [UNDEF] vs. Marty McSorley [FITCH] Welterweight Bout Mazus [D-KEN] vs. Rei Himaru [SHIKI] Lightweight Bout Ivan Orloff [BUN] vs. Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] Heavyweight Bout Magnus Barefoot [NHC] vs. JR Leap [UNDEF] Lightweight Bout Bobby Roode [CAN] vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] Heavyweight Bout Marshawn Money [MSNT] vs. Clevin Dark [SODAK] Light Heavyweight Bout : Breaking news! Ricky Ricks, coward that he is, has pulled out of his fight with Okie Dokie, claiming, in cowardly fashion, that his wrist is badly broken, which is exactly the sort of thing you would expect a cowardly coward to say! Therefore, Keisuke Jin will face Okie Dokie for the interim title.SLFC 52: Danielson vs. Bon Jovi Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] vs. Jon Bon Jovi [ROCK] For the Middleweight Title Keisuke Jin [TAC] vs. Okie Dokie [D-KEN] For the Interim Lightweight Title Logan Stourleigh [SODAK] vs. Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] Welterweight Bout Sagat [FGC] vs. William Regal [RBRCC] Heavyweight Bout Igor the Brutalizer [D-KEN] vs. Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] Light Heavyweight Bout Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] Lightweight Bout Aanria [D-KEN] vs. Dat Sum Nut [BUN] Featherweight Bout PRELIMS Paul Wight [BUN] vs. Kazuya Oki [TAC] Super Heavyweight Bout Gorman Thomas [BUN] vs. Mike Haggar Heavyweight Bout Hungry Joe [HK] vs. Bret Michaels [ROCK] Welterweight Bout
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Nov 14, 2023 00:50
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SLFC 51: Steiner vs. O'Rae: Hey, guys! I got a message from Smasher!Smasher Dynamo posted:
: Sounds great! Well, then I guess it's up to me to go through the fights!Light Heavyweight Bout: Marshawn Money [MSNT] (3-7) vs. Clevin Dark [SODAK] (8-4)  : In this fight, Marshawn Money kept diving at Dark's legs looking for a leglock, despite that having never worked for him.  : It didn't really work here, either, and the judges decided that Dark should win because Money's strategy was just too stupid.Official Decision: Clevin Dark def. Marshawn Money by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Heavyweight Bout: Bobby Roode [CAN] (1-9) vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] (2-4)  : Next, Bobby Roode tried to double his win total in the SLFC! : He tried really hard!Official Decision: Sodom Sinze def. Bobby Roode by Submission (RNC) (4:47, Round 1)  Lightweight Bout: Magnus Barefoot [NHC] (0-6) vs. JR Leap [UNDEF] (4-4, 1 NC)  : Then Magnus Barefoot tried to prove that it was theoretically possible for him to win a fight! : He actually did! Now that I'm in charge, good things are possible!Official Decision: Magnus Barefoot def. JR Leap by KO (Kick) (0:58, Round 2)  Heavyweight Bout: Ivan Orloff [BUN] (1-0) vs. Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] (7-4)  : Then Ivan Orloff immediately lost. Official Decision: Drakkhen Kennedy def. Ivan Orloff by Submission (kimura) (2:15, Round 1)  Lightweight Bout: Mazus [D-KEN] (2-4, 1 NC) vs. Rei Himaru [SHIKI] (3-4)  : After that, Mazus looked really good for the first two minutes of the fight, but then he got really tired, and Rei Himaru took him to the ground and beat him into unconsciousness.  Official Decision: Rei Himaru def. Mazus by TKO (2:39, Round 2)  Welterweight Bout: Pander Panderer [UNDEF] (6-6) vs. Marty McSorley [FITCH] (3-6)  : In the co-main, Pander devoured Marty McSorley's soul. : It was sad for everyone.Official Decision: Pander Panderer def. Marty McSorley by KO (Punch) (0:34, Round 2)  Welterweight Championship Bout: George Steiner [RCH] (10-2) vs. Terry O'Rae [FITCH] (6-2)  : Finally, there was the title fight. I guess you could say that George Steiner easily dominated O'Rae to retain the title, but it would be a very weird thing to say, because instead of that happening, O'Rae finished Steiner via TKO in the third round.  : The end! See, we didn't need Smasher at all!Official Decision: Terry O'Rae def. George Steiner by TKO (Strikes) (0:58, Round 3) Your winner and NEW Welterweight Champion: Terry O'Rae!   Fighter Points SODAK: 2 points MSNT: 1 point Undef: 8 points Team Canada: 1 point NHC: 2 points Dead Kennedys: 9 points Buntsville: 1 point Shikimori: 5 points FITCH: 6 points Rochester: 3 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 52: Danielson vs. Bon Jovi Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] vs. Jon Bon Jovi [ROCK] For the Middleweight Title Keisuke Jin [TAC] vs. Okie Dokie [D-KEN] For the Interim Lightweight Title Logan Stourleigh [SODAK] vs. Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] Welterweight Bout Sagat [FGC] vs. William Regal [RBRCC] Heavyweight Bout Igor the Brutalizer [D-KEN] vs. Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] Light Heavyweight Bout Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] Lightweight Bout Aanria [D-KEN] vs. Dat Sum Nut [BUN] Featherweight Bout PRELIMS Paul Wight [BUN] vs. Kazuya Oki [TAC] Super Heavyweight Bout Gorman Thomas [BUN] vs. Mike Haggar Heavyweight Bout Hungry Joe [HK] vs. Bret Michaels [ROCK] Welterweight Bout SLFC 53: Weedman vs. Garrett (C) Avery Weedman [MSNT] vs. (#2) T.J. Garrett [FGC] For the Light Heavyweight Championship (#5) Leonardo Serra [MSNT] vs. (#8) Homer Stille Cummings [NHC] Welterweight Bout (#2) Mary Ryan [FGC] vs. (#3) Reviewbrah Jones [HK] Middleweight Bout (#7) Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] vs. (#9) Walter Siegmeister [NHC] Welterweight Bout (#4) Jaxon Penn [BUN] vs. (#5) Jon Moxley [RBRCC] Light Heavyweight Bout (#6) Nicolas St. DuBois [BUN] vs. (#9) e.e. Cummings [NHC] Light Heavyweight Bout Hiroshi Tsukaba [TAC] vs. Keith Lee [HK] Featherweight Bout PRELIMS Axl Rose [ROCK] vs. Basher Nanaimo [FITCH] Middleweight Bout Sergei Dragunov [FGC] vs. Dankwart Rustow [NHC] Light Heavyweight Bout
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Nov 16, 2023 00:16
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SLFC 52: Danielson vs. Bon Jovi: Guys, I have another message from Smasher!Smasher Dynamo posted:
: Oh, well! Time for fights!PRELIM Welterweight Bout: Hungry Joe [HK] (2-7) vs. Bret Michaels [ROCK] (0-5)  : In this fight, Bret Michaels wanted to show the world that he wasn't just a useless relic from a largely forgotten age.  : It didn't go well for him.Official Decision: Hungry Joe def. Bret Michaels by TKO (Strikes) (4:10, Round 1)  PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Gorman Thomas [BUN] (0-2) vs. Mike Haggar (1-7) : Then, Gorman Thomas fought Mike Haggar. Now, Smasher has been trying to find a heavyweight so bad that even Gorman Thomas could beat him, because the division needs a good new heavyweight, and also Smasher felt bad that Gorman Thomas wasn't doing so well. : It didn't start off well for Thomas, though. : It also didn't end well.Official Decision: Mike Haggar def. Gorman Thomas by Submission (americana) (2:53, Round 1)  PRELIM Super Heavyweight Bout: Paul Wight [BUN] (0-0) vs. Kazuya Oki [TAC] (0-0)  : This fight was super-boring, so I fell asleep and had a dream where I had to lead a team of bunnies to overthrow the evil emperor of the moon, who turned out to be Marauder, and that's where he's been for the last seven years. It all makes sense, because he was the one that poisoned Johnny Hopp in the first place. When I woke up, they declared Oki the winner.Official Decision: Kazuya Oki def. Paul Wight by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Featherweight Bout: Aanria [D-KEN] (0-0) vs. Dat Sum Nut [BUN] (0-0)  : In this fight, Aanria, who is apparently a teenage elf girl who pays for her MMA training by selling drugs decided to just smash her knee in Dat Sum Nut's face. : But Dat Sum Nut wouldn't quit! He just stood there and kept getting hit really, really hard, as though he couldn't even feel the pain of getting beaten to death. : But then Aanria just punched him to death. And then it turned out that the reason that Dat Sum Nut seemingly had no reaction to pain was because he was one several dozen types of painkillers that Aanria had sold him before the fight, and so he got suspended for a year. Aanria didn't get suspended, because it's not against the rules to sell drugs.Official Decision: Aanria def. Dat Sum Nut by KO (Punch) (1:20, Round 3)  Lightweight Bout: Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] (5-2) vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] (2-1)  : According to Wikipedia, D.B. Sweeney was the male lead in the 1992 film The Cutting Edge which is the story of a hockey player who gets injured, and so instead becomes a figure skater who pairs with a woman to win gold at the 1992 Winter Olympics. And in the time that it took you to read that sentence, Sinze ended Sweeney.   Official Decision: Gomorrah Sinze def. D.B. Sweeney by TKO (Strikes) (3:11, Round 1)  Light Heavyweight Bout: Igor the Brutalizer [D-KEN] (0-0) vs. Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] (5-3)  : This fight was going great until both fighters accidentally headbutted each other, which caused all of Henderson's blood to leak out, which stopped the fight, because a headbutt isn't a legal move.  Official Decision: Igor the Brutalizer and Vladislav Henderson go to a No Contest (4:54, Round 2)  Heavyweight Bout: Sagat [FGC] (8-4) vs. Chef Sal [HK] (4-5)  : William Regal was supposed to fight here, but he got hurt, so Chef Sal stepped up! : And then he got knocked down!  : And it got worse from there.Official Decision: Sagat def. Chef Sal by TKO (Strikes) (2:13, Round 3)  Welterweight Bout: Logan Stourleigh [SODAK] (8-3) vs. Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] (6-4)  : I don't think this fight happened. I checked my notes, all that was there was a drawing of a sad face crying.Official Decision: Jean-Claude Boeuf def. Logan Stourleigh by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Interim Lightweight Championship Bout: Keisuke Jin [TAC] (4-4) vs. Okie Dokie [D-KEN] (7-2)  : Then Okie Dokie managed to exploit the Riders' only weakness, that if any part of their body besides their feet touches the ground, they instantly die.    Official Decision: Okie Dokie def. Keisuke Jin by Submission (americana) (2:40, Round 1) Your winner and INTERIM LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION: Okie Dokie!  Middleweight Championship Bout: Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] (10-2) vs. Jon Bon Jovi [ROCK] (8-1)  : And finally, in the main event, we learned whether or not Jon Bon Jovi was actually good.  : He wasn't. Fight over!Official Decision: Bryan Danielson def. Jon Bon Jovi by Submission (armbar) (4:11, Round 2) Your winner and STILL the SECOND Middleweight Champion: Bryan Danielson!   Fighter Points Cooking School: 3 points ROCK: 4 points Buntsville: 3 points Tachibana: 8 points Dead Kennedys: 13 points Undefeateds: 2 points NHC: 1 point FITCH: 2 points FGC: 2 points SODAK: 1 point RBRCC: 8 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 53: Weedman vs. Garrett (C) Avery Weedman [MSNT] vs. (#2) T.J. Garrett [FGC] For the Light Heavyweight Championship (#5) Leonardo Serra [MSNT] vs. (#8) Homer Stille Cummings [NHC] Welterweight Bout (#2) Mary Ryan [FGC] vs. (#3) Reviewbrah Jones [HK] Middleweight Bout (#7) Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] vs. (#9) Walter Siegmeister [NHC] Welterweight Bout (#4) Jaxon Penn [BUN] vs. (#5) Jon Moxley [RBRCC] Light Heavyweight Bout (#6) Nicolas St. DuBois [BUN] vs. (#9) e.e. Cummings [NHC] Light Heavyweight Bout Hiroshi Tsukaba [TAC] vs. Keith Lee [HK] Featherweight Bout PRELIMS Axl Rose [ROCK] vs. Basher Nanaimo [FITCH] Middleweight Bout Sergei Dragunov [FGC] vs. Dankwart Rustow [NHC] Light Heavyweight Bout SLFC 54: Drago vs. Slab FS Drago [MSNT] vs. Slab [FITCH] For the Heavyweight Championship John Carlton [FGC] vs. Petey Williams [CAN] Middleweight Bout Gat [D-KEN] vs. Michael Bolton [ROCK] Heavyweight Bout Ezekiel Jackson [RBRCC] vs. STORG [D-KEN] Heavyweight Bout Jimmy Hayato [BUN] vs. Joji Yuki [TAC] Lightweight Bout Kaphwan Kim [FGC] vs. Adrian Neville [BUN] Middleweight Bout PRELIMS Badland Chugs Jr. [HK] vs. Johnny Devine [CAN] Heavyweight Bout Vince Neil [ROCK] vs. Fry Baker [HK] Light Heavyweight Bout
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Nov 17, 2023 20:49
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SLFC 53: Weedman vs. Garrett: Now, that time has come for all of you to pay. Everyone will pay.: Oh, Smasher, you're back!: Yes. But before I reveal my darker purpose, Yoshida, the prelims if you would.: Sure thing! PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: Sergei Dragunov [FGC] (1-5) vs. Dankwart Rustow [NHC] (3-5)  : First, Sergei Dragunov just kind of dominated Dankwart Rustow, both standing and on the ground. It was VERY confusing! : It was, not, however, exciting.Official Decision: Sergei Dragunov def. Dankwart Rustow by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)  PRELIM Middleweight Bout: Axl Rose [ROCK] (2-6) vs. Basher Nanaimo [FITCH] (5-5)  : Then Basher Nanaimo had to fight someone, because he's been on ice for too long, so Axl Rose was offered as a living sacrifice. Official Decision: Basher Nanaimo def. Axl Rose by Submission (armbar) (4:39, Round 1)  : So that was the prelims. So, Smasher, how have you been? The strike's over?: The strike was a ruse. I needed you all to just assume I didn't want to go through the effort of making these updates so that I could have a freer hand. Yoshida, I have found a device that will solve all of my SLFC-related problems. Behold, the Sphere of Judgment! A device of my own invention designed to ensure that my days of carefully recapping fights is at an end. Would you like to see how it functions?: Smasher, I don't know about this.: Oh, Yoshida, look now! Behold the glorious future!Featherweight Bout: Hiroshi Tsukuba [TAC] (0-0) vs. Keith Lee [HK] (0-0)  Official Decision: Hiroshi Tsukuba def. Keith Lee by KO (Backfist) (2:06, Round 1) Middleweight Bout: Nicolas St. DuBois [BUN] (1-1) vs. e.e. Cummings [NHC] (6-4)  Official Decision: Nicolas St. DuBois def. e.e. Cummings by KO (Kick) (1:00, Round 1) : Yes, commentary is no longer necessary when every fight ends in the immediate destruction of one of the fighters!: Smasher, this is wrong!: Is it? BEHOLD MY POWER!Light Heavyweight Bout: Jaxon Penn [BUN] (1-1) vs. Jon Moxley [RBRCC] (6-5)  Official Decision: Jon Moxley def. Jaxon Penn by KO (Punch) (0:18, Round 1) Welterweight Bout: Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] (1-1) vs. Walter Siegmeister [NHC] (1-2)    Official Decision: Jim Crud Jr. def. Walter Siegmeister by TKO (Strikes) (2:12, Round 1) : Smasher, you need to stop!: Oh, is your concern that all of these fights ending in quick knockouts ruins the 'mixed' aspect of mixed martial arts? No worries, the Sphere has many powers!Middleweight Bout: Blue Mary [FGC] (6-2) vs. Reviewbrah Jones [HK] (2-1)  Official Decision: Blue Mary def. Reviewbrah Jones by Submission (RNC) (2:35, Round 1) Welterweight Bout: Leonardo Serra [MSNT] (7-5) vs. Homer Stille Cummings [NHC] (5-4)  Official Decision: Leonardo Serra def. Homer Stille Cummings by Submission (arm triangle) (3:14, Round 1) : YES! Finally, freedom. I will be free. I...the sphere appears to be smoking.: I think you might be overusing it. Which I means that I guess we'll have to do the main event normally.Light Heavyweight Championship Bout: Avery Weedman [MSNT] (11-1) vs. T.J. Garrett [FGC] (2-0)  Round 1 : Like hell we will. Let just open this up and fix it. Let's try to flip ICX to AUX. : That didn't work. Let me reset the distributor panel. : Ah, perfect!  : drat it. Let's call the round here so I can have a minute to fix this.Round 2 : Well, it looks like, despite Smasher's best efforts, we're going to have a fair fight after all.: Wait, here we go. This should fix it. : VICTORY!Official Decision: Avery Weedman def. T.J. Garrett by KO (Punch) (1:19, Round 2) Your winner and STILL the FIFTH Light Heavyweight Champion: Avery Weedman!   Fighter Points FGC: 12 points NHC: 4 points FITCH: 2 points ROCK: 1 point Tachibana: 2 points Cooking School: 2 points Buntsville: 5 points MSNT: 13 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 54: Drago vs. Slab FS Drago [MSNT] vs. Slab [FITCH] For the Heavyweight Championship John Carlton [FGC] vs. Petey Williams [CAN] Middleweight Bout Gat [D-KEN] vs. Michael Bolton [ROCK] Heavyweight Bout Ezekiel Jackson [RBRCC] vs. STORG [D-KEN] Heavyweight Bout Jimmy Hayato [BUN] vs. Joji Yuki [TAC] Lightweight Bout Kaphwan Kim [FGC] vs. Adrian Neville [BUN] Middleweight Bout PRELIMS Badland Chugs Jr. [HK] vs. Johnny Devine [CAN] Heavyweight Bout Vince Neil [ROCK] vs. Fry Baker [HK] Light Heavyweight Bout SLFC 55: O'Rae vs. Steiner 3 Terry O'Rae [FITCH] vs. George Steiner [RCH] For the Welterweight Championship Juan Villa [RCH] vs. Keith Lee [HK] Super Heavyweight Bout Mazus [D-KEN] vs. Magnus Barefoot [NHC] Featherweight Bout Ivan Orloff [BUN] vs. William Regal [RBRCC] Heavyweight Bout Sakura Kasugano [FGC] vs. Hyperion Royale [NHC] Lightweight Bout Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] vs. Eric Young [CAN] Heavyweight Bout Brouck Lessner [SODAK] vs. Jarred Kelenic Heavyweight Bout
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Nov 21, 2023 00:57
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SLFC 54: Drago vs. Slab ...will be on Monday. I was promised new fighters from Yaya and kensei, and everyone else should be making me new fighters as well, so all of you are on timeout for disappointing me!
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Nov 22, 2023 19:26
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SLFC 54: Drago vs. Slab: Back to the grind. Although I can't see how I can continue to do these updates when the Super-League is ongoing. If nothing else, it would create a situation where every page would be massive updates and little else, which could be bad.: But Smasher, there are nearly three people waiting for these updates. THREE!: Why don't you get me through the prelims, and then we'll talk.: Okay! PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: Vince Neil [ROCK] (5-4) vs. Fry Baker [HK] (1-6)  : In the first match, Vince Neil tried to kill Fry Baker!  : But he botched it, so only won via decision.Official Decision: Vince Neil deef. Fry Baker by Uni. Decision (29-28, 30-27, 29-28)  PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Badland Chugs Jr. [HK] (4-3) vs. Johnny Devine [CAN] (3-6)  : In the second and final prelim, Johnny Devine won with an americana, but he claimed that he now calls it the "canadacana". Official Decision: Johnny Devine def. Badland Chugs Jr. by Submission (americana) (3:47, Round 2)  Middleweight Bout: Kaphwan Kim [FGC] (3-5) vs. Adrian Neville [BUN] (1-1)  Round 1 : Okay, let's get to it.  : So, striking.: People like striking! : Only if it's decisive! Round one over!Round 2 : Round two and-   : Good.Official Decision: Adrian Neville def. Kaphwan Kim by TKO (Strikes) (0:28, Round 2)  Lightweight Bout: Jimmy Hayato [BUN] (1-1) vs. Joji Yuki [TAC] (2-6, 1 NC)  Round 1 : Okay, it's a Tachibana fighter so- : I'm sorry, he's doing what?: There's no rule that says a Rider can't wrestle! : Oh. Maybe there is. But wait, Yuki's trying again! : He did it! He did it, Smasher!: Great. Round over.Round 2 : And Yuki shoots for a takedown. : Fucks it up. Tries again. : Fucks it up again. Tries for a third time. : Actually gets it, just in time for the round to end.Round 3 : Final round. Scorecards are most likely tied 1-1. Yuki might want to try, I don't know, striking. : Wait, hold on. He could hear me? Have they been able to hear me this entire time, and just have been ignoring me? : It looks like your advice worked, though! : I feel like my existence combines the worst parts of being alive and the worst parts of being dead.Official Decision: Joji Yuki def. Jimmy Hayato by TKO (Strikes) (3:12, Round 3)  Heavyweight Bout: Ezekiel Jackson [RBRCC] (5-4) vs. STORG! [D-KEN] (6-6)  Round 1 : We've all had some bad experiences with Storg fights, but I'm pretty sure that-   : FIGHT OVER! I can't do this. I'm doing my best, but I cannot do this.Official Decision: STORG def. Ezekiel Jackson by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Heavyweight Bout: Gat [D-KEN] (6-4) vs. Michael Bolton [ROCK] (6-4)  Round 1 : Why did I book Storg and Gat to go back-to-back?: Maybe it will be different?   : It's not different at all!Official Decision: Gat def. Michael Bolton by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Middleweight Bout: Johnny Cage [FGC] (1-1) vs. Petey Williams [CAN] (5-4)  Round 1 : The winner might get a title shot! God knows someone in the division has to, especially since I really doubt Clevin Dark is actually going to make weight. Williams shoots in for the takedown- : Runs right into Cage's fist. And Cage will let Williams stand back up.: That's smart. Cage is lost on the ground.: Cage hits a few more strikes. Williams grabs on, goes for the big slam! : Gets it! Goes for a leglock! Cage blocks it and time expires.Round 2 : Williams shoots for a takedown- : I think Cage has figured out the timing here.: Cage isn't happy that Williams is still moving though- : But he'll let Williams get back up. Williams feints getting up only to go for a quick takedown- : Gets it. And he'll easily move to mount! He carefully isolates one of Cage's arms- : But time runs out!Round 3 : Round three. Yoshida, how do you see the fight so far?: Round one was obviously Cage's. Round two is tough to score. Cage did have a knockdown, but Williams controlled most of the pace. I would think it would be 1-1 at the moment. If Cage keeps the fight standing, he wins. If Williams can get a quick takedown, then he wins. : That looks to do it, as Williams is not going to take a lot of risks here. He'll work carefully, doing just enough to keep the ref from standing them up, but he thinks he won round two, and can just kill the clock.: He should be right.: And we'll go to the judges, who think...huh.Official Decision: Johnny Cage def. Petey Williams by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Heavyweight Championship Bout: FS Drago [MSNT] (8-2) vs. Slab [FITCH] (7-3)  : It is now time for the main event of the evening. Five rounds to determine the undisputed heavyweight champion! Introducing first, the challenger, from Peterborough, Ontario, this is Slab! And his opponent, he is the reigning, defending, two-time heavyweight champion of the world, FS Drago!Round 1 : Both men are wrestling specialists, at least in theory. Slab will take the first shot- : A purely nominal success on that regard, as Drago immediately gets back to his feet. Drago smirks, and shoots for a takedown of his own- : He gets it! Slab will try and push off to initiate a scramble! : That's not great for Slab.: Drago looks for the kill-   : And that's all there is.Official Decision: FS Drago def. Slab by TKO (Strikes) (3:41, Round 1) Your winner and STILL the FIFTH Heavyweight Champion: FS Drago!   Fighter Points ROCK: 3 points Cooking School: 2 points Team Canada: 8 points Buntsville: 3 points FGC: 6 points Tachibana: 2 points Dead Kennedys: 4 points RBRCC: 1 point MSNT: 8 points FITCH: 3 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 55: O'Rae vs. Steiner 3 Terry O'Rae [FITCH] vs. George Steiner [RCH] For the Welterweight Championship Juan Villa [RCH] vs. Keith Lee [HK] Super Heavyweight Bout Mazus [D-KEN] vs. Magnus Barefoot [NHC] Featherweight Bout Ivan Orloff [BUN] vs. William Regal [RBRCC] Heavyweight Bout Sakura Kasugano [FGC] vs. Hyperion Royale [NHC] Lightweight Bout Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] vs. Eric Young [CAN] Heavyweight Bout Brouck Lessner [SODAK] vs. Jarred Kelenic Heavyweight Bout SLFC 56: Danielson vs. Dark Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] vs. Clevin Dark [SODAK] For the Middleweight Championship Ricky Ricks [HK] vs. Okie Dokie [D-KEN] Lightweight Championship Unification Bout Pander Panderer [UNDEF] vs. Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] Welterweight Bout Rei Himaru [SHIKI] vs. Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] Lightweight Bout Craig Marduk [FGC] vs. Robert Sapp [MSNT] Super Heavyweight Bout Harold Boules [UNDEF] vs. Volks Waggen [MSNT] Featherweight Bout Keisuke Jin [TAC] vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] PRELIMS Gorman Thomas [BUN] vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] Heavyweight Bout Marshawn Money [MSNT] vs. Jerry Dipoto Light Heavyweight Bout Herman McNally [RCH] vs. Daisuke Yamamoto [TAC] Middleweight Bout
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Nov 28, 2023 01:01
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SLFC 55: O'Rae vs. Steiner 3: Some cards have a lot of great fights. This isn't one of them.: But the fighters try hard!: I'm not sure that's actually true. Heavyweight Bout: Brouck Lessner [SODAK] (2-9) vs. Jarred Kelenic (2-6)  Round 1 : Okay, let's-  : Good god. Lessner shoots for a takedown. : Gets it. And he'll...slowly work his way into getting Kelenic's back!: That's good! : And he immediately fumbles it as the round ends.Round 2 : Okay, round two- : More of the same.: I believe in Kelenic!: Yoshida, that's-   : What just happened?Official Decision: Jarred Kelenic def. Brouck Lessner by TKO (Strikes) (4:51, Round 2)  Heavyweight Bout: Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] (9-3) vs. Eric Young [CAN] (3-4)  Round 1 : If this is another fight where Koslov just shoves his opponent against the cage for three rounds and takes a boring decision win, then I'm just moving on.   : Koslov, I gave you a chance! And this is how you repay me? Fie on thee!Official Decision: Vladimir Koslov def. Eric Young by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)  Lightweight Bout: Sakura Kasugano [FGC] (3-4) vs. Hyperion Royale [MSNT] (3-5)  Round 1 : And it should be a striking battle, as neither fighter does wrestling. At all.: Royale has very little power. If he wants a finish, it's going to take a lot of work. : Sakura has enough power.: Royale tries to take control of the situation.  : Tries, indeed. But Royale will survive to the end of the round.Round 2 : Round two and- : Jabs? : Jabs. : Jabs!Round 3 : We're getting ready for the last round and- : Hyperion Royale seems to be losing his mind.: He heard that kensei just fired Marshawn Money for losing too many fights, and Royale has to be worried that he's next. kensei has already started workshopping names for his replacement. He's leaning towards, "Eddie Frankgar.": He's right to workshop that and- : Down goes Sakura!  : Sakura survives, but she's clearly badly hurt! Royale will back off a bit and let Sakura get back to her feet, but she's having trouble standing. : And Sakura is out! Royale will hold onto his job a little longer!Official Decision: Hyperion Royale def. Sakura Kasugano by KO (Punch) (2:42, Round 3)  Heavyweight Bout: Ivan Orloff [BUN] (1-1) vs. William Regal [RBRCC] (4-4)  Round 1 : Going into the fight, William Regal noted that he "knows he's not long for this world.": He may be lulling his opponent into a false sense of security.: He then called the interviewer a "scrumptious crumpet.": Oh, then his brain might really be melting.    : And now his molten brain is coming out of his ears!Official Decision: Ivan Orloff def. William Regal by TKO (Strikes) (3:10, Round 1)  Lightweight Bout: Mazus [D-KEN] (2-5, 1 NC) vs. Magnus Barefoot [NHC] (1-6)  Round 1 : I would say that someone has to win this fight, but, realistically, there's a good chance that Mazus wins, fails a drug test, and ends up with another no contest. Either way, they'll start on their feet.   : It turns out that Mazus' plan to just wade forward and throw huge strikes isn't always successful.: Mazus is interesting in that, while he doesn't have a lot of stamina, he doesn't get easier to knock out even when he's tired. Magnus is going to need to keep focused.: Time will expire as Mazus has taken quite a beating.Round 2 : Round two and- : No one feels like fighting today. : That actually was intended to be a head kick, it's just that Mazus' legs aren't long enough. Time runs out after a lot of nothing.Round 3 : Final round and-  : Magnus can't let himself get dragged into a brawl. That is how he will lose. : Magnus apparently feels like gambling. : An improvident choice, as it turns out.Official Decision: Mazus def. Magnus Barefoot by KO (Punch) (4:07, Round 3)  Super Heavyweight Bout: Juan Villa [RCH] (7-4) vs. Keith (Bearcat) Lee [HK] (0-0)  Round 1 : Obviously, the big question here is how Juan Villa deals with an opponent that much bigger than him.  : It turns out that Villa cannot defeat the laws of physics.: It's probably not a bad strategy for Lee, but he's not going to be able to do much. Villa's guard is really too good for Lee to be able to handle.: Lee seems to agree, he'll kill the clock and take the points.Round 2 : Round two, and they'll start on their feet.  : And Villa will hit forward, forward, forward, high punch! : Juan Villa wins....FATALITY!Official Decision: Juan Villa def. Keith B. Lee by KO (Punch) (0:43, Round 2)  Welterweight Championship Bout: Terry O'Rae [FITCH] (7-2) vs. George Steiner [RCH] (10-3)  : It is now time for the main event of the evening! Five rounds to determine the undisputed welterweight champion of the world! Introducing first, the challenger, he is the former welterweight champion, from Gary, Indiana, George "Assgrabber" Steiner! And his opponent, he is the reigning, defending welterweight champion of the world, Terry O'Rae!Round 1 : Both men looking to grapple!   : They don't accomplish much. But they'll continue to grapple!   : Still not going anywhere. Steiner finally gets a good handle on O'Rae and picks him up! : Gets the takedown!: You have to worry about how much energy that is taking out of Steiner.: Steiner goes for a guillotine! : This is a five-round fight. Steiner needs to pace himself.: Steiner moves to side control! Tries the armbar, but can't get it before time expires!Round 2 : Second round and-  : Huh.  : Well, okay, but-   : The SLFC was a mistake.Official Decision: Terry O'Rae def. George Steiner by TKO (Strikes) (2:50, Round 2) Your winner and STILL the SIXTH Welterweight Champion: Terry O'Rae!   Fighter Points SODAK: 3 points RBRCC: 3 points Team Canada: 1 point MSNT: 2 points FGC: 1 point Buntsville: 2 points Dead Kennedys: 2 points NHC: 1 point Rochester: 8 points Cooking School: 1 point FITCH: 5 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 56: Danielson vs. Dark Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] vs. Clevin Dark [SODAK] For the Middleweight Championship Ricky Ricks [HK] vs. Okie Dokie [D-KEN] Lightweight Championship Unification Bout Pander Panderer [UNDEF] vs. Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] Welterweight Bout Rei Himaru [SHIKI] vs. Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] Lightweight Bout Craig Marduk [FGC] vs. Robert Sapp [MSNT] Super Heavyweight Bout Harold Boules [UNDEF] vs. Volks Waggen [MSNT] Featherweight Bout Keisuke Jin [TAC] vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] Lightweight Bout PRELIMS Gorman Thomas [BUN] vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] Heavyweight Bout Marshawn Money Light Heavyweight Bout Herman McNally [RCH] vs. Daisuke Yamamoto [TAC] Middleweight Bout SLFC 57: Weedman vs. St. DuBois Avery Weedman [MSNT] vs. Nicolas St. Dubois [BUN] For the Light Heavyweight Championship Aanria [D-KEN] vs. Hiroshi Tsukaba [TAC] For the Featherweight Championship Sagat [FGC] vs. Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] Heavyweight Bout Leonardo Serra [MSNT] vs. Shiro Kazami [TAC] Welterweight Bout Reviewbrah Jones [HK] vs. Stan [D-KEN] Middleweight Bout T.J. Garrett [FGC] vs. Jon Moxley [RBRCC] Light Heavyweight Bout PRELIMS Bobby Roode [CAN] vs. Mike Haggar Heavyweight Bout JB Pico [MSNT] vs. Igor the Brutalizer [D-KEN] Light Heavyweight Bout JR Leap [UNDEF] vs. Jimmy Hayato [BUN] Lightweight Bout Hungry Joe [HK] vs. Walter Siegmeister [NHC]
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Dec 1, 2023 01:27
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SLFC 56: Danielson vs. Dark: Oh, do the chattering masses want yet another update from me that they'll almost entirely ignore on their way to telling me how vital it is that I continue the SLFC? I ought to bring out the Sphere of Judgment and lay waste to all of your fighters!: But Smasher, you said you wouldn't!: I said I wouldn't unless the situation demanded it. And I will concede, at this exact moment, such a drastic measure is not required. But I reserve the right to change my mind. In the meantime, Yoshida, take us through the prelims.: Okay! PRELIM Middleweight Bout: Herman McNally [RCH] (2-6) vs. Daisuke Yamamoto [TAC] (1-6)  : I'm not sure this fight actually happened.Official Decision: Herman McNally def. Daisuke Yamamoto by Split Decision (30-27, 28-29, 29-28) PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: Marshawn Money : As everyone knows, Jerry Dipoto hates spending money. But what about fighting Money? : He loses. That is what happens.Official Decision: Marshawn Money def. Jerry Dipoto by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27) PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Gorman Thomas [BUN] (0-3) vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] (3-4) : Finally, Gorman Thomas tried to prove that he could win a fight.  : He tried like a viking!Official Decision: Sodom Sinze def. Gorman Thomas by Submission (armbar) (2:56, Round 1) Lightweight Bout: Keisuke Jin [TAC] (4-5) vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] (2-2)  Round 1 : Okay, I'm not asking for much here. Sweeney shoots for a takedown- : Biffs it. Tries for a takedown again. : Biffs it again. Tries for a third takedown. : Where did I put that Sphere of Judgment?: Smasher, wait! Give them a chance!: Fine, time expires.Round 2 : Round two! Sweeney will clinch! He'll take Jin to the cage! He'll go for the judo throw! : Biffs it. He tries again. : Biffs it again. Yoshida, I am getting the Sphere of Judgment, and I will put an end to all of this!: Smasher, please! Just one more round!: ...one more round. But if I don't see something, I'm using the Sphere of Judgment.Round 3 : Final round. Sweeney clinches again, and takes Jin to the fence. : That's technically different.: And Sweeney sets up for the judo throw. : Biffs it. Tries again. : Biffs it again. Yoshida, they are wearing on my last nerve. Sweeney digs in, and biffs three more takedowns, and I have had it!: I can't come up with a good reason to stop you after that fight.Official Decision: D.B. Sweeney def. Keisuke Jin by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)  Featherweight Bout: Harold Boules [UNDEF] (0-0) vs. Volks Waggen [MSNT] (0-0)  Round 1 : Sphere of Judgment, I call on your power! Spare us from tedium, and bring violence!     Official Decision: Harold Boules def. Volks Waggen by TKO (Strikes) (3:38, Round 1)  Super Heavyweight Bout: Craig Marduk [FGC] (0-0) vs. Robert Sapp [MSNT] (0-0)  Round 1 : Go, sphere, go!  : That was fast.: Actually, it was incredibly long for a Sapp fight.Official Decision: Craig Marduk def. Robert Sapp by Submission (armbar) (4:39, Round 1)  Lightweight Bout: Rei Himaru [SHIKI] (4-4) vs. Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] (6-2)  Round 1 : Sphere power...activate!   Official Decision: Gomorrah Sinze def. Rei Himaru by TKO (Strikes) (3:28, Round 1)  Welterweight Bout: Pander Panderer [UNDEF] (7-6) vs. Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] (7-4)  Round 1 : I'm activating the Sphere's full power now! Official Decision: Pander Panderer def. Jean-Claude Boeuf by KO (Punch) (0:23, Round 1)  Lightweight Championship Unification Match: Ricky Ricks [HK] (7-2) vs. Okie Dokie [D-KEN] (8-2)  : The following-   : The Sphere provides!Official Decision: Ricky Ricks def. Okie Dokie by TKO (Strikes) (2:01, Round 1) Your winner and STILL the THIRD Lightweight Champion: Ricky Ricks!  Middleweight Championship Match: Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] (11-2) vs. Clevin Dark [SODAK] (9-4)  : It is now time for-     : Well, that was a hell of a thing.: I didn't even know you could get a kimura from half-guard.Official Decision: Bryan Danielson def. Clevin Dark by Submission (kimura) (1:09, Round 1) Your winner and STILL the SECOND Middleweight Champion: Bryan Danielson!   Fighter Points Rochester: 2 points Tachibana: 2 points Undefeateds: 11 points Buntsville: 1 point No Homers Club: 2 points MSNT: 2 points FGC: 2 points Shikimori: 1 point FITCH: 1 point Cooking School: 8 points Dead Kennedys: 6 points RBRCC: 8 points SODAK: 3 points SLFC 58: Drago vs. Gat FS Drago [MSNT] vs. Gat [D-KEN] For the Heavyweight Championship Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] vs. Tyson Dux [CAN] Light Heavyweight Bout Logan Stourleigh [SODAK] vs. Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] Welterweight Bout Adrian Neville [BUN] vs. Mary Ryan [FGC] Middleweight Bout Michael Bolton [ROCK] vs. STORG [D-KEN] Heavyweight Bout Keith Lee [HK] vs. Zabel Zarock [FGC] Featherweight Bout PRELIMS Axl Rose [ROCK] vs. Petey Williams [CAN] Middleweight Bout Dankwart Rustow [NHC] vs. e.e. Cummings [NHC] Light Heavyweight Bout Jaxon Penn [BUN] vs. Shigeru Jo [TAC] Light Heavyweight Bout
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Dec 6, 2023 00:31
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SLFC 57: Weedman vs. St. DuBois: Why was I born to suffer and die?: I...don't know?: Get us through the prelims. In the meantime, I will ponder why everyone refuses to actually spend their fighter points. It's probably because they hate me. PRELIM Welterweight Bout: Hungry Joe [HK] (3-7) vs. Walter Siegmeister [NHC] (1-3) : In this fight, I fell asleep. But I had a good dream! : Also, Walter Siegmeister fell asleep! I don't know if he had good dreams, though.Official Decision: Walter Siegmeister def. Hungry Joe by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 30-27) PRELIM Lightweight Bout: JR Leap [UNDEF] (4-5, 1 NC) vs. Jimmy Hayato [BUN] (1-2) : In this fight, there was a flying heel hook!  Official Decision: Jimmy Hayato def. JR Leap by Submission (heel hook) (1:01, Round 2) PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: JB Pico [MSNT] (0-0) vs. Igor the Brutalizer [D-KEN] (0-0, 1 NC) : I don't know if this fight happened. : It's not clear one way or the other.Official Decision: JB Pico def. Igor the Brutalizer by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28) PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Bobby Roode [CAN] (1-10) vs. Johnny Devine [CAN] (4-6) : I think you said that if Bobby Roode won another fight that I should destroy any records.: Correct.: So I did that.Official Decision: Bobby Roode def. Johnny Devine by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28) Light Heavyweight Bout: T.J. Garrett [FGC] (2-1) vs. Jon Moxley [RBRCC] (7-5)  Round 1 : Time for the main card.: Yay!     : And Garrett's leg is reduced to crab meat. Great.Round 2 : Okay, Round two- : Enough, Mox, please, show a little mercy.    : I don't know how much of Garrett is left.Official Decision: Jon Moxley def. T.J. Garrett by TKO (Strikes) (4:08, Round 2)  Middleweight Bout: Reviewbrah Jones [HK] (2-2) vs. Stan [D-KEN] (1-8)  Round 1 : I, hold on, I didn't book this fight to recap anything, I did it to give Reviewbrah Jones a win.: That seems mean to Stan.: Stan is nothing more than a vehicle for delivering wins to fighters with actual promise! That's how MMA has always worked, that's how boxing has always worked. There is a reason that 'Stan' rhymes with 'can'.  : There, done.Official Decision: Reviewbrah Jones def. Stan by TKO (Strikes) (2:54, Round 3)  Welterweight Bout: Homer Stille Cummings [NHC] (5-5) vs. Shiro Kazami [TAC] (5-5)  Round 1 : Please let this fight end quickly. : Okay, that's promising. : I loving hate everything. DO YOUR loving JOB, CUMMINGS! THIS ISN'T loving HARD! : Good, see, that's- : Unbelievable. Time expires. I, sadly, don't get to expire just yet.Round 2 : Round two-: Smasher, I think Kazami just might surprise you. : That right?  : I feel so tired.Official Decision: Homer Stille Cummings def. Shiro Kazami by Submission (RNC) (3:43, Round 2)  Heavyweight Bout: Sagat [FGC] (9-4) vs. Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] (8-4)  Round 1 : Oh, I should not have booked this fight. If I know anything about Drakkhen- : Biffs a takedown. : Biffs a second takedown. : Biffs a third takedown. : Biffs a fourth takedown. He'd try for a fifth, but time runs out.Round 2 : Okay, now that Drakkhen has learned that takedowns will not work, what will he do? : Be bad at striking. Great.: To be fair, there have been times when Sagat has gotten tired and been knocked out. Drakkhen could be playing the long game.Round 3 : Let's see what Drakkhen's long game looks like! : Right.Official Decision: Sagat def. Drakkhen Kennedy by KO (Punch) (0:24, Round 3)  Featherweight Championship Bout: Aanria [D-KEN] (1-0) vs. Hiroshi Tsukaba [TAC] (1-0)  : The following contest is for the undisputed featherweight championship! Introducing first, in the blue corner, and representing Tachibana Racing, Hiroshi Tsukaba! And his opponent, from the wilds, Aanria!Round 1 : Neither fighter is much of a grappler- : Hard shot from Aanria. Tsukaba is going to look to counter- : That is not what Tsukaba was looking for, though.: In a five-round fight, it's not unusual for both fighters to take some time to feel each other out.Striking. Round 2 : Round two now and-   : Blood? Blood.: Tsukaba can't afford to take more of that- : Tsukaba will somehow survive the round, despite losing 30% of his blood and 55% of his brains.Round 3 : Round three. Tsukaba does not look good.  : And Aanria just blew out his knee. And now it looks like she's ready to end this.  : You start to worry about the long-term damage that Tsukaba is dealing with. : Oh no! : Well, that was decisive.Official Decision: Aanria def. Hiroshi Tsukaba by KO (Knee) (4:03, Round 3) Your winner and NEW Featherweight Champion: Aanria!  Light Heavyweight Championship Bout: Avery Weedman [MSNT] (12-1) vs. Nicolas St. DuBois [BUN] (2-1)  : The following contest, schedule for five rounds, is for the light heavyweight championship. Introducing first, the challenger, from Montreal, Quebec, Nicolas St. DuBois! And his opponent, he is the reigning, defending, light heavyweight champion of the world, Avery Weedman!Round 1 : Now, as per tradition, St. DuBois will get somewhere between four and six minutes at the start of the fight before Weedman summarily executes him. Let's see if he can use that time well. : Now he's down to about three minutes. : A jab? St. DuBois is running out of time.: He's still got two minutes! He can still pull this off! : Oh no! DuBois, you have to hurry!: And that's alarm, and that means that St. DuBois has officially run out of time and must now immediately be slain.: I don't think that's a real rule, Smasher! : Oh. Maybe it is.Official Decision: Avery Weedman def. Nicolas St. DuBois by KO (Punch) (4:59, Round 1) Your winner and STILL the FIFTH Light Heavyweight Champion: Avery Weedman!   Fighter Points NHC: 10 points Cooking School: 3 points Buntsville: 5 points Undefeateds: 1 point MSNT: 10 points Dead Kennedys: 8 points Team Canada: 3 points RBRCC: 2 points FGC: 3 points Tachibana: 4 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 58: Drago vs. Gat FS Drago [MSNT] vs. Gat [D-KEN] For the Heavyweight Championship Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] vs. Tyson Dux [CAN] Light Heavyweight Bout Logan Stourleigh [SODAK] vs. Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] Welterweight Bout Adrian Neville [BUN] vs. Mary Ryan [FGC] Middleweight Bout Michael Bolton [ROCK] vs. STORG [D-KEN] Heavyweight Bout Keith Lee [HK] vs. Zabel Zarock [FGC] Featherweight Bout PRELIMS Axl Rose [ROCK] vs. Petey Williams [CAN] Middleweight Bout Dankwart Rustow [NHC] vs. e.e. Cummings [NHC] Light Heavyweight Bout Jaxon Penn [BUN] vs. Shigeru Jo [TAC] Light Heavyweight Bout SLFC 59: O'Rae vs. Serra Terry O'Rae [FITCH] vs. Leonardo Serra [MSNT] For the Welterweight Championship Jon Bon Jovi [ROCK] vs. Vince Neil [ROCK] Light Heavyweight Bout Sebastian Bach [ROCK] vs. Joji Yuki [TAC] Lightweight Bout Kazuya Oki [TAC] vs. Keith Lee [HK] Super Heavyweight Bout Basher Nanaimo [FITCH] vs. Kaphwan Kim [FGC] Middleweight Bout George Steiner [RCH] vs. Hayato Ichimonji [TAC] Welterweight Bout PRELIMS Eric Young [CAN] vs. Chef Sal [HK] Heavyweight Bout Badland Chugs Jr. [HK] vs. Ezekiel Jackson [RBRCC]
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Dec 8, 2023 00:57
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We're not dead yet.
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Dec 12, 2023 08:02
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It must be nice to be morally perfect. As it stands, I would like the Super-League to continue. Where do all of you stand.
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Dec 12, 2023 16:06
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SLFC 58: Drago vs. Gat: The people in the discord are probably coming up with something to keep this thread going. In the meantime, I can at least provide minimal life support to it all alive. It's not much, but it's what I can do. PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: Jaxon Penn [BUN] (1-2) vs. Shigeru Jo [TAC] (0-7) : First up! : You can probably guess the rest.Official Decision: Jaxon Penn def. Shigeru Jo by TKO (Strikes) (2:40, Round 1) PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: Dankwart Rustow [NHC] (3-6) vs. e.e. Cummings [NHC] (6-5) : In this one... : Cummings hurt Rustow's leg. So, there's that.Official Decision: e.e. Cummings def. Dankwart Rustow by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-26, 30-26) PRELIM Middleweight Bout: Axl Rose [ROCK] (2-7) vs. Petey Williams [CAN] (5-5) : Finally, time for my vengeance against Armitage! : Wait, hold on. That's not...drat it.Official Decision: Axl Rose def. Petey Williams by KO (Punch) (4:02, Round 1) Featherweight Bout: Keith Lee [HK] (0-1) vs. Zabel Zarock [FGC] (0-0) : Ricky Ricks has dominated the lightweight division! Can Keith Lee do the same at featherweight? : Apparently so! : You and me both. Really, in a way, Zabel Zarock is the real winner, because I empathize with him more than Keith Lee. However, in a more accurate way, Zarock is not the winner, as he got knocked the gently caress out.Official Decision: Keith Lee def. Zabel Zarock by KO (Punch) (2:43, Round 2) Heavyweight Bout: Michael Bolton [ROCK] (6-5) vs. STORG! [D-KEN] (7-6) : Okay, this time, surely, I will have my revenge on Armitage. : Well, I think it will take more than a few jabs to-Official Decision: Michael Bolton def. Storg (29-28, 30-27, 30-27) : drat it!Middleweight Bout: Adrian Neville [BUN] (2-1) vs. Mary Ryan [FGC] (7-2) : I'm putting it all on Blue Mary! : I'm not having a great day.Official Decision: Adrian Neville def. Blue Mary by TKO (Strikes) (3:21, Round 3) Welterweight bout: Logan Stourleigh [SODAK] (8-4) vs. Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] (2-1) : I have total faith in Kid Crud! : I'm not doing great here.Official Decision: Logan Stourleigh def. Jim Crud Jr. by TKO (Strikes) (3:24, Round 3) Light Heavyweight Bout: Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] (5-3, 1 NC) vs. Tyson Dux [CAN] (5-3) : Can Vlad win a fight without managing to give himself a concussion? : Evidently so!Official Decision: Vladislav Henderson def. Tyson Dux by Submission (RNC) (4:27, Round 2) Heavyweight Championship Bout: FS Drago [MSNT] (9-2) vs. Gat [D-KEN] (7-4) : And, uh- : Yeah.Gat hits some jabs. Drago responds with murder. Official Decision: FS Drago def. Gat by TKO (Strikes) (3:50, Round 1) Your winner and STILL the FIFTH Heavyweight Champion: FS Drago!  Fighter Points Buntsville: 8 points Tachibana: 1 point NHC: 3 points ROCK: 7 points Team Canada: 2 points Cooking School: 2 points FGC: 2 points Dead Kennedys: 4 points SODAK: 5 points FITCH: 5 points MSNT: 5 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 59: O'Rae vs. Serra Terry O'Rae [FITCH] vs. Leonardo Serra [MSNT] For the Welterweight Championship Jon Bon Jovi [ROCK] vs. Vince Neil [ROCK] Light Heavyweight Bout Sebastian Bach [ROCK] vs. Joji Yuki [TAC] Lightweight Bout Kazuya Oki [TAC] vs. Keith Lee [HK] Super Heavyweight Bout Basher Nanaimo [FITCH] vs. Kaphwan Kim [FGC] Middleweight Bout George Steiner [RCH] vs. Hayato Ichimonji [TAC] Welterweight Bout PRELIMS Eric Young [CAN] vs. Chef Sal [HK] Heavyweight Bout Badland Chugs Jr. [HK] vs. Ezekiel Jackson [RBRCC] SLFC 60: Danielson vs. Cage Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] vs. Johnny Cage [FGC] For the Middleweight Championship Ricky Ricks [HK] vs. Horace Pippin [NHC] For the Lightweight Championship Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] Lightweight Bout Ivan Orloff [BUN] vs. Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] Heavyweight Bout Clevin Dark [SODAK] vs. Herman McNally [RCH] Middleweight Bout Harold Boules [UNDEF] vs. Mazus [D-KEN] Lightweight Bout PRELIMS Brouck Lessner [SODAK] vs. Gorman Thomas [BUN] Heavyweight Bout Keisuke Jin [TAC] vs. Sakura Kasugano [FGC] Lightweight Bout Fry Baker [HK] vs. Jerry Dipoto Light Heavyweight Bout William Regal [RBRCC] vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] Heavyweight Bout
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Dec 13, 2023 00:15
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SLFC 59: O'Rae vs. Serra: Still tired, but I do want to get something posted to keep things moving, even if I don't feel like I'm up to doing a full update. Even if it kind of feels like I'm in a cargo cult, and my posting these updates is like some islander going through a half-understood ritual waiting for John Frum to appear. But I have total faith that John Frum is going to come here one of these days and set things right. PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Badland Chugs Jr. [HK] (4-4) vs. Ezekiel Jackson [RBRCC] (5-5) : This featured- : Jabs. Just an endless series of jabs by Ezekiel Jackson. Still, it's a win, and the people of Guyana can really use a win right now. Since, you know, their much larger neighbor has decided to claim the majority of their territory and maritime resources.Official Decision: Ezekiel Jackson def. Badland Chugs Jr. by Uni. Decision (29-28, 30-27, 30-27) PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Eric Young [CAN] (3-5) vs. Chef Sal [HK] (4-6) : In this fight- : There is no long-form version of the recap of this fight.Official Decision: Eric Young def. Chef Sal by KO (Punch) (0:21, Round 1) Welterweight Bout: George Steiner [RCH] (10-4) vs. Hayato Ichimonji [TAC] (3-4) : Can George Steiner take Ichimonji down? : Actually, he could not! Ichimonji still lost because he had to spend three rounds covering up to stop from getting taken down, but given that Steiner is the former champ, that's still pretty impressive.Official Decision: George Steiner def. Hayato Ichimonji by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27) Middleweight Bout: Basher Nanaimo [FITCH] (6-5) vs. Kaphwan Kim [FGC] (3-6) : Kaphwan Kim: Good at striking!   : Kaphwan Kim: Bad at absorbing striking!Official Decision: Basher Nanaimo def. Kaphwan Kim by TKO (Strikes (0:30, Round 2) Super Heavyweight Bout: Kazuya Oki [TAC] (1-0) vs. Keith Lee [HK] (0-1) : Folks, I'm going to be honest with you. I have never been as impressed as most with Keith Lee the wrestler. I appreciate that, a guy his size doing acrobatic moves is cool, but you know, that really only goes so far, and he's not exactly a dynamite promo. Now, I will grant you, I didn't really see his indies stuff, and I know his work in WWE was probably adversely affected by management. And I will even admit that, in AEW, he's still not where he was before he got sick with COVID. Still, I don't know. I just don't know. : Oh, and he got killed here.Official Decision: Kazuya Oki def. Keith Lee by KO (Punch) (3:39, Round 3) Lightweight Bout: Sebastian Bach [ROCK] (0-1, 1 NC) vs. Joji Yuki [TAC] (3-6, 1 NC) : Finally, after two false starts last time, I will have my revenge on Armitage!  : Even worse, Bach somehow passed the post-fight drug test.Official Decision: Sebastian Bach def. Joji Yuki by KO (Punch) (3:14, Round 1) Light Heavyweight Bout: Jon Bon Jovi [ROCK] (8-2) vs. Vince Neil [ROCK] (6-4) : Okay, I have considered how my previous attempts to gain vengeance on Armitage have failed, and have concluded that, by matching two of his fighters against each other, it is impossible for both to win! Although, come to think of it, it is also impossible for both to lose....I may not have thought this through.   : Well, that was something.Official Decision: Vince Neil def. Jon Bon Jovi by TKO (Strikes) (1:38, Round 2) Welterweight Championship Bout: Terry O'Rae [FITCH] (8-2) vs. Leonardo Serra [MSNT] (8-5) : It's time for a decisive contest between two elite fighters who-   : Boy, I'm really not having a great week here.Official Decision: Terry O'Rae and Leonardo Serra go to a No Contest (Accidental Foul) (1:55, Round 3)  Fighter Points RBRCC: 2 points Cooking School: 3 points Team Canada: 2 points Rochester: 2 points Tachibana: 9 points FITCH: 8 points FGC: 3 points ROCK: 6 points MSNT: 3 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 60: Danielson vs. Cage Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] vs. Johnny Cage [FGC] For the Middleweight Championship Ricky Ricks [HK] vs. Horace Pippin [NHC] For the Lightweight Championship Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] vs. D.B. Sweeney [NHC] Lightweight Bout Ivan Orloff [BUN] vs. Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] Heavyweight Bout Clevin Dark [SODAK] vs. Herman McNally [RCH] Middleweight Bout Harold Boules [UNDEF] vs. Mazus [D-KEN] Lightweight Bout PRELIMS Brouck Lessner [SODAK] vs. Gorman Thomas [BUN] Heavyweight Bout Keisuke Jin [TAC] vs. Sakura Kasugano [FGC] Lightweight Bout Fry Baker [HK] vs. Jerry Dipoto Light Heavyweight Bout William Regal [RBRCC] vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] Heavyweight Bout SLFC 61: Weedman vs. Pico Avery Weedman [MSNT] vs. JB Pico [MSNT] For the Light Heavyweight Championship Juan Villa [RCH] vs. Craig Marduk [FGC] For the Super Heavyweight Championship Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] vs. Slab [FITCH] Heavyweight Bout Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] vs. Shiro Kazami [TAC] Welterweight Bout D.B. Sweeney [NHC] vs. Jimmy Hayato [BUN] Lightweight Bout Mary Ryan [FGC] vs. Reviewbrah Jones [HK] Middleweight Bout PRELIMS Bobby Roode [CAN] vs. Mike Haggar Heavyweight Bout Robert Sapp [MSNT] vs. Paul Wight [BUN] Super Heavyweight Bout Hongo Takeshi [TAC] vs. Walter Siegmeister [NHC] Welterweight Bout Magnus Barefoot [NHC] vs. Volks Waggen [MSNT] Featherweight Bout
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Dec 15, 2023 00:15
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SLFC 60: Danielson vs. Cage: John Frum has to come one of these days. He has to. PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: William Regal [RBRCC] (4-5) vs. Sodom Sinze [UNDEF] (4-4) : Fun fact! It's possible to get submitted while being on top of your opponent in side control! Let's let Sodom Sinze demonstrate!   : Great stuff here.Official Decision: William Regal def. Sodom Sinze by Submission (guillotine) (4:04, Round 2) PRELIM Light Heavyweight Bout: Fry Baker [HK] (1-7) vs. Jerry Dipoto (0-1) : I have no records of this fight, other than a note from Jerry Dipoto explaining that, as long as he wins 54% of his fights, then he is likely to win a championship at some point over the next ten years, which seems...unlikely.Official Decision: Fry Baker def. Jerry Dipoto by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28) PRELIM Lightweight Bout: Keisuke Kin [TAC] (4-6) vs. Sakura Kasugano [FGC] (3-5) : Okay, let's-  : I appreciate the efficiency.Official Decision: Keisuke Jin def. Sakura Kasugano by KO (Knee) (1:27, Round 1) PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Brouck Lessner [SODAK] (2-10) vs. Gorman Thomas [BUN] (0-4) : Out of kindness to myself, and coincidentally some kindness to the rest of you, I'm skipping this deeply, deeply boring fight.Official Decision: Brouck Lessner def. Gorman Thomas by Uni. Decision (30-27, 29-28, 29-28) Featherweight Bout: Harold Boules [UNDEF] (1-0) vs. Mazus [D-KEN] (3-5, 1 NC) : Half of the time, Mazus kills. The other half, Mazus is killed. Now, at the moment, I am hoping for the latter, because I just do, and we'll leave it at that.   : Good.Official Decision: Harold Boules def. Mazus by TKO (Strikes) (2:25, Round 1) Catchweight Bout: Clevin Dark [SODAK] (9-5) vs. Herman McNally [RCH] (3-6) : Dark missed weight! In a just world, he would be punished for this transgression!  : Okay, the world may appear unjust but-  : The world is unjust!Official Decision: Clevin Dark def. Herman McNally by Submission (RNC) (3:57, Round 2) Heavyweight Bout: Ivan Orloff [BUN] (2-1) vs. Vladimir Koslov [RBRCC] (10-3) : Listen, we need new contenders at heavyweight, and thus, we all need Ivan Orloff to win this fight! : Yes! : Yes! : Y...NO!Official Decision: Vladimir Koslov def. Ivan Orloff by Submission (kimura) (4:08, Round 2) Lightweight Bout: Gomorrah Sinze [UNDEF] (7-2) vs. Okie Dokie [D-KEN] (8-3) : Imagine four Okie Dokies being held against a wall at the edge of a cliff. : Now imagine it for fifteen straight minutes.Official Decision: Gomorrah Sinze def. Okie Dokie by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28) Lightweight Championship Bout: Ricky Ricks [HK] (8-2) vs. Horace Pippin [NHC] (5-2) : Ricky Ricks has seemed unbeatable lately!   : So, as you can see, there is a difference between 'being unbeatable', and 'seeming to be unbeatable'. That's an important distinction!Official Decision: Horace Pippin def. Ricky Ricks by Submission (arm triangle) (1:55, Round 2) Your winner and NEW Lightweight Champion: Horace Pippin! Middleweight Championship Bout: Bryan Danielson [RBRCC] (12-2) vs. Johnny Cage [FGC] (2-1) : See, building on that, while Ricky Ricks seemed unbeatable, Bryan Danielson has actually been unbeatable, and there is no way that Johnny Cage is going to beat him. I want to be exceptionally clear on this point: there is no way in hell that Johnny Cage is going to win. It will not happen. It is impossible. There's no real point to me even simming this fight, because the outcome is so pre-ordained as to make it meaningless. Of course, in order to move the in-game calendar forward, I do have to sim this fight, but, again, that is a mere formality, and the outcome of this fight is in no way in doubt. Not even in the slightest. : God drat it.Official Decision: Johnny Cage def. Bryan Danielson by KO (Kick) (3:44, Round 1) Your winner and NEW Middleweight Champion: Johnny Cage!  Fighter Points RBRCC: 10 points Undef: 5 points Cooking School: 5 points Tachibana: 2 points FGC: 9 points SODAK: 4 points Buntsville: 5 points Dead Kennedys: 2 points Rochester: 1 point NHC: 8 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 61: Weedman vs. Pico Avery Weedman [MSNT] vs. JB Pico [MSNT] For the Light Heavyweight Championship Juan Villa [RCH] vs. Craig Marduk [FGC] For the Super Heavyweight Championship Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] vs. Slab [FITCH] Heavyweight Bout Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] vs. Shiro Kazami [TAC] Welterweight Bout D.B. Sweeney [NHC] vs. Jimmy Hayato [BUN] Lightweight Bout Mary Ryan [FGC] vs. Reviewbrah Jones [HK] Middleweight Bout PRELIMS Bobby Roode [CAN] vs. Mike Haggar Heavyweight Bout Robert Sapp [MSNT] vs. Paul Wight [BUN] Super Heavyweight Bout Hongo Takeshi [TAC] vs. Walter Siegmeister [NHC] Welterweight Bout Magnus Barefoot [NHC] vs. Volks Waggen [MSNT] Featherweight Bout SLFC 62: Drago vs. Sagat 2 FS Drago [MSNT] vs. Sagat [FGC] For the Heavyweight Championship Aanria [D-KEN] vs. Keith Lee [HK] For the Featherweight Championship Zabel Zarock [FGC] vs. Hiroshi Tsukaba [TAC] Featherweight Bout Jaxon Penn [BUN] vs. Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] Light Heavyweight Bout Pander Panderer [UNDEF] vs. Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] Welterweight Bout Igor the Brutalizer [D-KEN] vs. T.J. Garrett [FGC] Light Heavyweight Bout PRELIMS Jarred Kelenic vs. Johnny Devine [CAN] Heavyweight Bout Sergei Dragunov [FGC] vs. Shigeru Jo [TAC] Light Heavyweight Bout
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Dec 19, 2023 00:25
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SLFC 61: Weedman vs. Pico: John Frum will save me. You'll see. You'll all see. PRELIM Featherweight Bout: Magnus Barefoot [NHC] (1-7) vs. Volks Waggen [MSNT] (0-1) : In this fight... : Volks took a nap on top of Magnus Barefoot.Official Decision: Volks Waggen def. Magnus Barefoot by Uni. Decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28) PRELIM Welterweight Bout: Hongo Takeshi [TAC] (1-8) vs. Walter Siegmeister [NHC] (2-3) : Remember, the Riders cannot tolerate the touch of the earth. Should they fall, they shall never rise again. : NEVER RISE AGAIN!Official Decision: Walter Siegmeister def. Hongo Takeshi by Submission (RNC) (4:35, Round 1) PRELIM Heavyweight Bout: Bobby Roode [CAN] (2-10) vs. Mike Haggar (2-7) : There must be a winner! Unless it's a no contest.  : Haggar did it!Official Decision: Mike Haggar def. Bobby Roode by TKO (Strikes) (1:13, Round 2) Middleweight Bout: Mary Ryan [FGC] (7-3) vs. Reviewbrah Jones [HK] (3-2) : Winner gets a title shot, because Danielson can wait a bit before the rematch.  : And thus, Mary Ryan will take on Johnny Cage in a matchup that Yaya can neither wholly win nor wholly lose!Official Decision: Mary Ryan def. Reviewbrah Jones by Submission (armbar) (2:54, Round 1) Lightweight Bout: D.B. Sweeney [NHC] (3-2) vs. Jimmy Hayato [BUN] (2-2) : I have no record of this fight. I don't even believe it actually happened.Official Decision: D.B. Sweeney def. Jimmy Hayato by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27) Welterweight Bout: Jean-Claude Boeuf [FITCH] (7-5) vs. Shiro Kazami [TAC] (5-6) : Can Shiro Kazami resist the inexorable pull of mother earth, who seeks to ground the Rider, and thus ensure his doom? : BEHOLD THE WRATH OF MOTHER EARTH!Official Decision: Jean-Claude Boeuf def. Shiro Kazami by TKO (Strikes) (3:08, Round 1) Heavyweight Bout: Drakkhen Kennedy [D-KEN] (8-5) vs. Slab [FITCH] (7-4) : I expect to see greatness!   : It's the resistible force meeting the movable object. Three straight submission attempts that ended with the guy going for the submission botching it so badly that they ended up on bottom. Impressive.Official Decision: Slab def. Drakkhen Kennedy by Uni. Decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27) Super Heavyweight Championship Bout: Juan Villa [RCH] (8-4) vs. Craig Marduk [FGC] (1-0) : Marduk's plan is to wear Villa down with dozens of jabs, which makes sense if you are 145 pounds, but not so much when every single jab involves moving 350 pounds of mass, which, as it happens, tends to be extremely tiring. But I'm sure that Marduk will be able to- : Ah, good.Official Decision: Juan Villa def. Craig Marduk by KO (Kick) (0:24, Round 3) Your winner and FIRST Super Heavyweight Champion: Juan Villa! Light Heavyweight Championship Bout: Avery Weedman [MSNT] (13-1) vs. JB Pico [MSNT] (1-0) : In the spirit of sportsmanship, Weedman has agreed to give Pico three whole rounds before he murders Pico. Can Pico capitalize?   : NO! Show over!Official Decision: Avery Weedman def. JB Pico by TKO (Strikes) (1:31, Round 4) Your winner and STILL the FIFTH Light Heavyweight Champion: Avery Weedman!  Fighter Points MSNT: 10 points NHC: 7 points Tachibana: 5 points Team Canada: 1 point FGC: 8 points Cooking School: 1 point Buntsville: 1 point FITCH: 4 points Dead Kennedys: 1 point Rochester: 8 points Upgrade Post MAKE ME MORE FIGHTERS! BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO THE SLFC! I DEMAND VALIDATION! Upcoming Cards SLFC 62: Drago vs. Sagat 2 FS Drago [MSNT] vs. Sagat [FGC] For the Heavyweight Championship Aanria [D-KEN] vs. Keith Lee [HK] For the Featherweight Championship Zabel Zarock [FGC] vs. Hiroshi Tsukaba [TAC] Featherweight Bout Jaxon Penn [BUN] vs. Vladislav Henderson [FITCH] Light Heavyweight Bout Pander Panderer [UNDEF] vs. Jim Crud Jr. [BUN] Welterweight Bout Igor the Brutalizer [D-KEN] vs. T.J. Garrett [FGC] Light Heavyweight Bout PRELIMS Jarred Kelenic vs. Johnny Devine [CAN] Heavyweight Bout Sergei Dragunov [FGC] vs. Shigeru Jo [TAC] Light Heavyweight Bout SLFC 63: O'Rae vs. Serra 2 Terry O'Rae [FITCH] vs. Leonardo Serra [MSNT] For the Welterweight Championship Logan Stourleigh [SODAK] vs. George Steiner [RCH] Welterweight Bout Nicolas St. DuBois [BUN] vs. Marshawn Money Light Heavyweight Bout Keith Lee [HK] vs. Robert Sapp [MSNT] Super Heavyweight Bout Eric Young [CAN] vs. Michael Bolton [ROCK] Heavyweight Bout Hyperion Royale [MSNT] vs. Sebastian Bach [ROCK] Lightweight Bout PRELIMS Kaphwan Kim [FGC] vs. Stan [D-KEN] Middleweight Bout Bret Michaels [ROCK] vs. Marty McSorley [FITCH] Welterweight Bout
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Dec 21, 2023 00:20
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Okay, I've been putting this off long enough, but we probably need to actually talk about the future of this thread. For starters, given that people are probably traveling and/or doing other things over the next few days, I'm not sure how much sense it makes to do updates of any sort right now. I don't know if there's enough interest in SLFC to keep the thread going on it alone, and I don't know how, or even if, people want to reform the Super-League. Basically, as this is effectively a community thread, I want to hear from people about what it is I should be doing here. Do people want to keep going? How do people want to keep going? Should we call it a day? I have some thoughts, but I don't really want to be leading the discussion at this point. What do people want out of the thread?
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Dec 22, 2023 16:43
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Announcement The first update of the Super-League was posted on July 25, 2011, over 12 years ago. That is long enough ago that I don't even really remember what my long-term plans were for it, or if I even had any long-term plans. At the time, I was a severely-depressed law student, and I just did it because it seemed like it might be interesting. 2011 feels like a very long time ago. The Cubs were stuck in a miserable rebuilding period, and the idea that they would win a World Series five years later, or ever, for that matter, seemed laughable. In a less fun example, the idea that half of the country would line themselves up behind a literal fascist was also laughable. The last 12 years has been, it must be said, a mixed bag. It's now December 23, 2023. I am a severely-depressed lawyer. I no longer wish to run the Super-League, or even supervise it. If someone else wants to run it, and even use this thread to house the updates, they're more than welcome to do so, it's not as though I have an IP rights to the project, nor any desire to stop others from doing what they'd like, but as far as my involvement goes, this is the end. And that's fine. I produced 32 seasons of the Super-League, as well as god knows how much else ancillary content. By word count, I feel confident that if this LP isn't the longest in SA history, it's got to be pretty close. Nothing ever lasts forever. Even Cy Young retired after getting 511 wins. I leave the future of the Super-League, if you all feel it should have a future, to whoever is out there, and I wish you the best. Before I go, I would like to thank a few people, in no particular order: -The Merry Marauder, who made the early leagues a hell of a lot more entertaining -ForeverBWFC, who taught me that Bolton was a real place, and not just a myth -CthulhuDreams, and may he ever find that C he is looking for -kw0134, who is, in fact, three cats pretending to be a person -London, who, canonically, is still only eight years old -Yaya, who I hope will someday be able to enjoy a Canucks championship, even if that is completely impossible -DannoMack, whose dream of witnessing a Maple Leafs championship is slightly more possible, in that, should time travel be invented, he could theoretically go back to 1967 -Robert Deadford, go buy his book, because something good should come out of the Super-League -McFreeze, who I have never had a good read on, but was with me to the end -Pungry, whose loyalty was, and is, insane -craigk, who can at least now witness the power of Unjarrred Kelenic -Armitage, though I still hate the New York Giants with a fiery passion, and nothing, no matter what, will ever change that. Where I drowning, and a man offered to save me if only I would accept the New York Giants into my heart, I would gladly drown, and though I would be immediately be cast down into hell for my many sins, during the eternity of torment, I could at least take solace in that I stood against the rank villainy of the New York Giants -Pander, whose rank villainy was only second to that of the New York Giants -blakelmenakle, my only brother-in-arms standing for the Cubs. (London, you root for the Rays, and I will not brook your sports bigamy!) -Monathin, who I was definitely too hard on regarding the Jojo's posts back in the day -Pash, who really should have picked Zodiac5000 from the bar -Zodiac5000, who, due to not being picked up by Pash, was exiled forever to Sodak, a land of corn and ghosts -forzelt, the only man I ever knew to move from Hawaii to Sodak, which was confusing at the time, and remains confusing now -TKBomber, the first-ever league champion -Edward Mass/Captain Yesterday/Char Aznable, whose tolerance for the Super-League was second only to his tolerance of -HulkaMatt, a doughty foe who I respect for his love of the game, and his love of Matt Taven -kensei, who was the only one of you that like to talk about MMA. In sad news, in my final, and admittedly pettiest, act, I am declaring any championships won in leagues not run by me to be null and void. Sorry about that -habeasdorkus, who was mildly saner than me -CattMarp, who, in the span of the Super-League's existence, went from med student, to doctor, to outlaw doctor, to rebel leader on the Ceres Colony -cbx, whose tenure in the Super-League coincided with the worst string of Detroit sports performances in history, though I'm not sure I can be blamed for that -CirclMastr, who hated the letter 'e' almost as much as Ernest Vincent Wright -oldskool, who cared the Super-League discord -mentholmoose, who, please just vote for Biden. I know that you think he's a 'lib', and you aren't wrong, but the alternative is insanely worse and accelerationism is not cool when it's real people on the line -ginge, who literally stuck around for my writing, which is the most insane thing I have ever heard in my life -Oystertoadfish, who was there from the beginning to the end, which is impressive in and of itself -TheMcD, who I never hated, and I hope he knows that -mrnoun, who really should have just let John Cena cheat off him -The Goog, may his succession to the throne of Googopolis be uncontested -Grinnblade, though I admit that the gimmick of you being a puppet of the Belarusian government did not age well -Beet, who was there when it counted -mks5000, who I regrettably never got to know that well -TheFlyingLlama, I hope he takes this in the spirit it is intended -Gricklegrass and rabidsquid, may they rest in peace -Those by name, and all others. There have been dozens and dozens of people involved with the Super-League, and I know that I'm leaving a few out. With that, I'm going. The Super-League is in your hands
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Dec 23, 2023 20:08
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