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tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Viscount Slim posted:

I feel like the correct response to this is: Our Juan Marichal is injured?

Say, Smasher, what's the order of operations for Gauntlet/Playoffs for the end of SLVI?

He's out for 100 days, yeah.

e: Woops, haha, I just remembered the injury wouldn't have been in the last report since it took place this month.

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tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Expansion Cup: July









Analysis:

:Look at that rotation! And that lineup!
: I guess that's why they call it medium!
: Why's that?
: Because it's not rare, and it's certainly not well done!
: Dohohoho!









Analysis: I don't think Vince Dimaggio has what it takes to be a #3 hitter.









Analysis: Time to start planning for the dispersal draft!









Analysis: Ah: runs. Runs.









Analysis: Well, the Phantoms are dead and the goddamn Imperialists won the Memento Mori. The Imperialists! Are you happy now?!?









Analysis: You haven't got enough talented position players to be competitive.









Analysis: The unnatural alliance of teams working together continues to pervert the spirit of the Super-League, where teams must stand alone, apart. Hopefully the Superstars will go the way of Frankenstein's monster and soon be borne away by the waves and be lost in darkness and distance, but until then, you're only half a game out and the Cultists just lost Mathewson for a month, so expect good things.









Analysis:

From the journal of Christy Mathewson, Age 21

More and more, I regret coming to this place. I was happy in Juneau, even with the snow, and the many, many losing seasons. The cold and the darkness there only served to bring people closer together; you could forget your ambitions and be content to spend time with your family and friends in the ballpark, or next to the fireplace. Here, though, the snow and the people are equally cold. Everyone shares the same unsettling facial similarities, and I can't shake the feeling that something lurks just outside my vision as I take the mound. Once, against the Superstars, I could have sworn that the applause of the audience had suddenly become synchronized, like a terrifying metronome, a single clap, inhumanly precise. I can't forget the sound. It beats in my head, unceasingly, an uncomfortable companion as I look outside at the snow. It never gets warmer, here, they say. Soon the sun will disappear and I will be left with my uneasiness and the blackness. Now, I only see the snow, and remember something Melville wrote:

quote:

This elusive quality it is, which causes the thought of whiteness, when divorced from more kindly associations, and coupled with any object terrible in itself, to heighten that terror to the furthest bounds. Witness the white bear of the poles, and the white shark of the tropics; what but their smooth, flaky whiteness makes them the transcendent horrors they are? That ghastly whiteness it is which imparts such an abhorrent mildness, even more loathsome than terrific, to the dumb gloating of their aspect.

I cannot remember the last time I have seen Walter smile since we arrived. I fear for us all.










Analysis:
: Yeah we smokin' diesel, yeah we smokin' kush
I just smoked some poo poo I think they called George Bush -
: It got me feelin' dumb, it got me feelin' numb
I'm high, how much lower can the ceilings come?
: Above the clouds, flying next to planes
I got sour, you got lemon haze? Let's exchange -
: My money like my weed, yeah, I make it grow
I got everything you need, just call me Trader Joe -
: I'm making dough so I smoke the finer trees
It got me seeing double so I call it Siamese -
: My lighter broke I need some fire please
I got the munchies, let me get a chicken gyro and some fries with cheese -
: Green and Purple, Green and Purple, Green and Purple, Green and Purple











Analysis: More hitters, now! More!









Analysis: Juan Marichal is out for 100 days, which means he's out for the rest of the season. Good thing he should fetch a high price for teams looking to upgrade their pitching. Say, Steve Carlton?









Analysis: Good team. Upgrade your centerfielder, and after that anything will be a luxury, not a necessity.









Analysis: Faithful Moose, your efforts have paid off, and you keep an above .500 record. Alvin Dark is not a suitable anything, so please replace him, and seize the division title while you can!









Analysis: The bad news is that you're crashing back down to earth. The good news is that you, like the Orioles, are still somehow outperforming the pythag and remaining in the fight for the division title.









Analysis: You've got a lot of good, but not great players, and you need to find a star to anchor your lineup if you want to survive in the new and deadlier Super-League. Also, your second Cliff Lee seems to be imploding.









Analysis: Ignoring all the injuries, a lineup centered around Larry Walker and Moises Alou is not going to take you very far.









Analysis: No.









Analysis: Mogul ratings are weird. I don't know how Mays's jumped four points over the course of the month, but his output certainly matches it. Old Mike Schmidt is cooked.






Analysis: Cheaters never prosper, except after this season, when you get a bunch of imported players, I guess!






Analysis: Your lineup isn't generating the offense it needs to be in the McQueen League, so either consider switching to the non-DH league when it comes time, or get some better hitters. Jim Bunning continues his excellent work, but the back end is coming undone.

Standings


tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness!: August









What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination?









Ashcans and unobtainable dollars! Children screaming under the stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men weeping in the parks!









Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy judger of men!









Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congress of sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment! Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stunned governments!









Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a cannibal dynamo! Moloch whose ear is a smoking tomb!









Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose factories dream and croak in the fog! Moloch whose smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!









Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch whose soul is electricity and banks! Moloch whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch whose fate is a cloud of sexless hydrogen! Moloch whose name is the Mind!









Moloch in whom I sit lonely! Moloch in whom I dream Angels! Crazy in Moloch! Cocksucker in Moloch! Lacklove and manless in Moloch!









Moloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom I am a consciousness without a body! Moloch who frightened me out of my natural ecstasy! Moloch whom I abandon! Wake up in Moloch! Light streaming out of the sky!









Moloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs! skeleton treasuries! blind capitals! demonic industries! spectral nations! invincible madhouses! granite cocks! monstrous bombs!









They broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pavements, trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to Heaven which exists and is everywhere about us!









Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies! gone down the American river!
Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole boatload of sensitive bullshit!









Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions! gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! Despairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides! Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on the rocks of Time!









Real holy laughter in the river! They saw it all! the wild eyes! the holy yells! They bade farewell! They jumped off the roof! to solitude! waving! carrying flowers! Down to the river! into the street!









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSTePqMV2QU









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3vRYfXJ7Rg









The balloon, having crossed the gulf, managed to land on the other side. On the rope was nothing but the anchor. The aeronauts, too busy at the time trying to keep a lookout, had noticed nothing. It was presumed that the dying old man had disappeared while the balloon was flying over the bay.









So vanished Cosimo, without giving us even the satisfaction of seeing him return to earth a corpse. On the family tomb there is a plaque in commemoration of him, with the inscription: "Cosimo Piovasco di Rondo - Lived in trees - Always loved earth - Went into sky."






Every now and again as I write I interrupt myself and go to the window. The sky is empty, and for us old folk of Ombrosa, used to living under those green domes, it hurts the eyes to look out now. Trees seem almost to have no right here since my brother left them or since men have been swept by this frenzy for the ax. And the species have changed too; no longer are there ilexes, elms, oaks; nowadays Africa, Australia, the Americas, the Indies, reach out roots and branches as far as here. What old trees exist are tucked away on the heights; olives on the hills, pines and chestnuts in the mountain woods; the coast down below is a red Australia of Eucalyptus, of swollen India rubber trees, huge and isolated garden growths, and the whole of the rest is palms, with their scraggy tufts, inhospitable trees from the desert.






Ombrosa no longer exists. Looking at the empty sky, I ask myself if it ever really did exist. That mesh of leaves and twigs of fork and froth, minute and endless, with the sky glimpsed only in sudden specks and splinters, perhaps it was only there so that my brother could pass through it with his tomtit's tread, was embroidered on nothing, like this thread of ink which I have let run on for page after page, swarming with cancellations, corrections, doodles, blots and gaps, bursting at times into clear big berries, coagulating at others into piles of starry seeds, then twisting away, forking off, surrounding buds of phrases with frameworks of leaves and clouds, then interweaving again, and so running on and on and on until it splutters and bursts into a last senseless cluster of words, ideas, dreams, and so ends.


tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

cbx posted:

Is there a reason why my team never gets defensive stats like every other team?

Yeah, Cthulhudream's script doesn't manage to get the Cells or the Goose Eggs, so I have to manually get the screens for them. I'll upload the defensive one in a bit if you want.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Expansion Cup: September




















































































































































































Playoffs:

TLCS: Barrow Daydreamers v. Polyarny Postmodernists, Games 1, 2, 6, 7 @ Barrow
MLCS: Vice City Goose Eggs v. Rlyeh Cultists, Games 1, 2, 6, 7 @ Rlyeh

Injury Report:

VIC
Ken Williams, LF, Out for Playoffs, Ankle Ligament

RLY
Curt Schilling, SP, Out until Cup Finals, Shoulder Separation

BAR
Mike Stanton, SP, Out for Playoffs

POL
Mike Marshall, RP, Out for Playoffs

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Cultists, Postmodernists, Daydreamers, and Goose Eggs, please submit any playoff changes ASAP.

e: Quick reminder, playoff pitching rotations are shortened to four starters and a mopup man.

tatankatonk fucked around with this message at 06:24 on Sep 10, 2012

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Cthulhu Dreams posted:

Do you mind if we give you orders that basically run to 'I think I need XYZ, here is some approximate valuations, please make some intelligent decisions?' removes the needs for massive lists or guesswork.

Smasher will make a list that shows what each team will be drafting beforehand, so it's not like you have no opportunities to change your pick if something happens.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
McQueen League Divisional Series



The Cultists are owned by a swaggering Australian, who has come to the SuperLeague unburdened by sentimentality or any attachment to a particular team. No, CthulhuDreams has unreservedly embraced the cold, unyielding domain of baseball statistics, and in just a few short weeks he has proven himself to be both willing and able to convince otherwise sane owners into agreeing to terrible trades. Tom Henke, Walter Johnson, and Christy Mathewson were all added for pittances, and the Cultist's rotation, when healthy, is one of the most formidable in the Expansion Cup. It's his lineup that has the other owners worried, though, because CthulhuDreams has ascribed to a simple, but unnerving, strategy: simply get the best player ever at that position, and put him on the field. With Foxx, Banks, Musial, Hornsby, Sandberg, and Speaker, he's come pretty drat close. But pride comes before the fall, and countless owners before him have seen their grand designs collapse in a run of terrible luck. Will the Cultists pay the price for their hubris? Or will their terrifying power translate into an unstoppable juggernaut in the Super-League?



Sunken R'lyeh Grounds
R'lyeh, Outside of Time and Space

The Sunken R'lyeh Grounds will host games 1, 2, 6, and 7 of this series.




The Goose Eggs have never been a favorite in anything they've tried. First, back when they were based out of Petaluma, they were summarily relegated after a season of futility. Then, their owner Armitage nearly went bankrupt last season and had to suspend team operations. This year, Armitage swears, is the Goose Egg's year. The numbers in the win column, however, suggest otherwise, as the Goose Eggs are the only team to reach the playoffs without having won at least 100 games. A weak Johnny Hopp division, and some incredible swings of luck granted the Goose Eggs a playoff berth, but no-one would suggest they look likely to beat the Cultists, or the winner of the Taggart League. Still, they have an underrated rotation, and an excellent team defense. They'll need it, because their lineup is nothing notable, and they're going up against the spinning sawblade that is the Cultists...



Tommy Vercetti Memorial Stadium
Vice City, Floria

The Goose Eggs will host games 3,4, and 5 of this series.



Game One

Turd Ferguson posted:


CULTISTS UNLEASH HORRORS FROM BEYOND THE BORDERS OF THE UNIVERSE, GOOSE EGGS TOO COKED OUT TO NOTICE AS THEY BEAT R'LYEH 4-2

R'LYEH - With Curt Schilling injured, and Walter Johnson and Christy Mathewson resting, it was up to Eddie Cicotte to pitch in the series debut. It did not go well. The game started out promisingly for the Cultists, as Tris Speaker scored a run on a sacrifice fly from Rogers Hornsby, but through the next seven innings Cicotte allowed four runs before CthulhuDreams sent out Tom Henke to the mound in the eighth. Doug Fister, starting for the Goose Eggs, outdueled his opponent, only allowing two runs through seven. As Fister was replaced by setup man Tom Morgan, CthulhuDreams frantically signaled to the ground crew to throw open the gates to a portal to a nightmare realm anathema to human understanding. As the stadium's geometries contorted into impossible shapes and the fans in the bleachers clawed at their faces and wept blood, the Goose Eggs remained unmoved by the display, retiring six straight and ending the game.

After the game, CthulhuDreams appeared to be calm, smiling as the strangely silent crowd of reporters stared at him with blank faces. "Well, that could have gone better. Am I worried, though? No! Of course not. It's the Goose Eggs, and while we here at R'lyeh want to congratulate them on their first, and likely only, playoff win, we also want to remind them that we are a much better team and will be winning this series." CthulhuDreams then dragged off a screaming T. J. Simers of the Los Angeles Times, and Doug Fister made a short, prepared statement. "First, we loving did it! Yeah! We showed those rich assholes how we do it in Vice City! Their fancy fireworks or whatever were supposed to scare us, but joke's on them, because we take so many amphetamines before each game the boys just figured they were the usual hallucinations and played on. It's...uh...you...my hand...it's like one with...the universe..." Fister stared silently at his left hand for the next forty minutes before concluding the press conference.

Box Score



Game Two

Turd Ferguson posted:


GOOSE EGGS GIVE OUT IN ELEVEN INNINGS, CULTISTS TAKE GAME TWO 4-3, EVEN SERIES

R'LYEH - The Goose Eggs fought hard for eleven innings, but the Cultists managed to take Game Two with a walkoff single by Gabby Hartnett. Frank Tanana followed up his teammate Fister's strong outing with a well-pitched game of his own, only allowing two runs in seven innings. Walter Johnson had an unusually sloppy outing, giving up three runs off of seven hits. It should have been enough for the Goose Eggs, who led by two heading into the eighth. Tom Morgan took the mound for Vice City, expecting a quick repeat of Game One, but the stubborn Cultists took the reliever through four torturous innings and 49 pitches before first tying the game, then ending it.

Armitage appeared upbeat after the loss, commenting "Hey, so we lost one. But look at it this way: We only lost by one run, and they had to take us to extra innings to do it! Everybody was expecting the big bad Cultists to trample all over us, but we took a game from them on their turf, and now they're gonna see how much tougher we play back home! It's Vice City's year, baby!"

CthulhuDreams was equally happy, as he addressed reporters while the R'lyeh Symphony Orchestra played Prokofiev's Scythian Suite in the background. "That little fucker Armitage, he thought he stood a chance against what I've built! An unstoppable meld of man and mathematics! It is impossible for us to lose! I have seen it! The machines, they have sung me their promises, and I intend to see their will done!"

Box Score



Game Three

Turd Ferguson posted:


BUNNING SMASHES CULTISTS' OFFENSE, SWEARS BLOOD OATH AS GOOSE EGGS TAKE GAME THREE 2-1

VICE CITY - Jim Bunning is not a man to be trifled with. The vaunted R'lyeh offense could only manage a single run off of the Goose Eggs' ace pitcher, and the Vice City lineup repaid his effort in kind, scoring two runs against Christy Mathewson, with Ernie Whitt homering over the left field fence in the third inning. The Cultists, meanwhile, were only able to score after Jimmie Foxx tripled and then ran home on a wild pitch. Heading into the eighth, Vice City led by one, and the so-far reliable one-two punch of Tom Morgan and Jose Valverde saw the Goose Eggs to their second victory of the series.

After the game, Bunning stormed to the podium, furious over what he perceived to be the Cultists' illegal use of performance-enhancing substances. "I don't know what the gently caress they're taking down in R'lyeh, but I sure as poo poo know testosterone doesn't turn your skin scaly and green, or give all of your loving infielders nictating membranes! The Goose Eggs would never use - well, we use illegal drugs, but not that kind of illegal drugs, okay? I'm up for another start soon, and the Goose Eggs and myself are going to show what happens to fuckers who use things like the unfathomable, corrupting power of ancient beings for their own benefit!"


Box Score



Game Four

Turd Ferguson posted:


CULTISTS TURN TABLES ON GOOSE EGGS, WIN 2-1 SQUEAKER

VICE CITY - As if to taunt the Goose Eggs, the Cultists trotted out an untested reliever to start the fourth game of the series. Byung-Hun Kim proved his worth through five innings, though, as the Goose Eggs could only score a single run off of the spot starter in the second inning, a home run over the right field fence by Buddy Bell. The Goose Eggs added to their own misfortune in the third when catcher Ernie Whitt was charged with passed ball, advancing the runners and giving the Cultists another run. Goose Eggs starter Urban Shocker and the now familiar Tom Morgan wouldn't allow another run in the game, but it would be all the opportunity the Cultists needed, as they shut down the Vice City hitters for the rest of the game.

CthulhuDreams was ebullient after the game. "You see! You all see! The Goose Eggs are nothing! Their lineup is a nothing! I have the greatest right-handed hitter of all time, the greatest slugging first of the 20th century, Stan Musial, the two best pitchers of all time, the greatest Cub of all time! Who do the Goose Eggs have? A bunch of nobodies! We are the greatest!"

Armitage was flanked by his five starting pitchers as he held a brief postgame conference. "Look, I didn't want to say anything, because I'm pretty tired, but the guys told me to tell you that they're sick of the Cultists, and they've decided collectively that they are going to destroy that son of a bitch CthulhuDreams. I don't know, okay? They said it, not me."

Box Score



Game Five

Turd Ferguson posted:


GOOSE EGGS DROP HAMMER, BLOW CULTISTS AWAY 6-2

VICE CITY - The Goose Eggs took full advantage of their last home game in the series, hammering R'lyeh starter for six runs before the Cultists' bullpen stepped in. Setup man Tom Henke and closer Phil Coke allowed no more runs, but Tom Morgan held off the Cultists for two innings afterwards, giving the series lead to an ecstatic Goose Eggs team. Doug Fister seemed to mean what he said, allowing only two runs in the game, and the Goose Eggs' offense finally shook off the lethargy that had seemed to define the series.

The Goose Eggs allowed the press into their locker room, where players danced to OMC's "How Bizarre" and drenched each other in champagne. "Wooooooooo," shouted Al Kaline, who drove two runs in with a single in the sixth inning. "One more game! One more game!" The rest of the Goose Eggs then took up the chant, driving the assembled reporters out by snapping at them with towels.

CthulhuDreams held a short conference after the game, where he stood silently for several minutes before addressing reporters. "Do you...understand? I have seen how this ends. I have played this scenario out countless times, and every time the result is the same. The Goose Eggs...they lose. We crush them. Their spirit is crushed, and we break their minds before feeding them to our beasts! The stars have whispered to me. They tell me that it's our place in the finals, no one else's. Walter Johnson is our next starter, and he is the instrument of destiny, and of the Goose Eggs' doom."



Game Six

Turd Ferguson posted:

JOHNSON HOLDS VICE CITY TO SINGLE RUN, CULTISTS EVEN SERIES WITH 2-1 WIN

R'LYEH - CthulhuDream's promise fully materialized as Walter Johnson smothered the Goose Egg's hitters for seven straight innings, only allowing a single run and four hits. Frank Tanana also labored valiantly for seven innings, yielding two runs to the intimidating Cultists hitters, but the only time his teammates were able to score was in the sixth inning, when Al Kaline singled through the hole, went for an extra base and safely reached second, advanced to third on a wild pitch by Johnson, and was finally driven in on a single from shortstop Troy Tulowitzki. The win for Johnson will take the series to seven games.

Armitage was defiant in his postgame comments, saying "I'm proud of our team, and I'm proud of Frank Tanana. He had the harder job tonight, holding down the Cultists to just two runs, and he can hold his head up high. As for tomorrow's game, Jim Bunning has told me that he personally plans to destroy the Cultists and the evil they represent."

The Cultists' postgame conference was subject to some confusion, as reporters returning from the Goose Egg's conference expected to find their colleagues filing briefs, but ultimately could not locate their co-workers. As of press time, an iPhone belonging to a missing reporter has been recovered, but the only clue to his whereabouts has been a corrupted recording of a voice screaming "Release Christy Mathewson!" The voice has been tentatively identified as CthulhuDreams.

Box Score



Game Seven

Turd Ferguson posted:


GOOSE EGGS SLAY CULTISTS, ESCAPE FROM R'LYEH WITH 2-1 WIN, ADVANCE TO CUP FINALS

R'LYEH - Jim Bunning is a man of his word. The Goose Eggs ace pitched an absolutely masterful game tonight, allowing no runs through seven innings, striking out six, including Jimmie Foxx twice, and only allowing three hits. The Cultists attempted to do the same to the Goose Eggs, as CthulhuDreams took to the field before the game to reveal a monstrously altered Christy Mathewson. The abomination stood seven feet tall, with claws and scales where its hands and skin used to be. The appearance of the unnatural creature caused sections of the audience to flee the stadium in a panic, leaving only a devoted few to watch the outcome of the last game of the series.

The Cultists had been held scoreless through eight innings, due in part to the lightning-quick Vice City defense. Ernie Whitt led the Vice City offense, driving in two runs in the fourth. As workhorse Tom Morgan came to the mound, the Cultists took advantage of Bunning's absence and a Riggs Stephenson single put a runner on the bases. Gabby Hartnett hit a ground ball to Tulowitzki, who threw the ball to George Sisler for the double play. Ernie Banks then singled off a hard curve from Morgan, and Larry Walker drove him in with a double. The visibly nervous Morgan threw a two-seamer directly over the plate in an attempt to strike out Tris Speaker, but Speaker drove the ball over to first, only to have the ball line out to George Sisler.

George and Buddy Bell both flied out after each other in the top of the ninth, and even Goose Eggs hero Ernie Whitt, who had been so crucial in this series, could only ground out weakly against Tom Henke. As Jose Valverde took the mound for Vice City in the bottom of the ninth, he faced the heart of the Cultist lineup: Ryne Sandberg, Rogers Hornsby, and Jimmie Foxx. Papa Grande managed to get Sandberg to swing awkwardly at an outside fastball, and made the play at first after the ball bounced towards him for the first out. Hornsby almost hit it through the gap, but a diving Troy Tulowitzki made the play for the second out. Finally, Valverde managed to get Foxx to a 0-2 count before The Beast hit a long fly ball to right, ending the series for good.

As the ball landed in Al Kaline's glove, everyone left in the stadium could hear CthulhuDream's shrieks of displeasure, and the unhinged Cultists owner stormed out onto the field, stabbing the second base umpire and painting dreadful sigils on his face with the officials blood. The shambling Mathewson-creature stumbled out of the dugout, and the walls of reality seemed to slowly collapse as CthulhuDream's booming laughter carried through the stadium. The last fans and reporters scrambled for the exits, and as cyclonic winds tore bleachers from their foundations and hurled bystanders around like dolls, the Goose Eggs fled to their ship. Waves battered the players as they stumbled up to safety, and as they turned and watched, their last vision of their opponent was R'lyeh, slowly returning to the gray and churning sea.


Box Score

tatankatonk fucked around with this message at 11:38 on Sep 13, 2012

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Taggart League Championship Series



As the second hat that owner Notthatsambeckett has entered into the fantasy fantasy baseball ring, the Polyarny version of his Postmodernists appear to be substantially superior to his earlier effort. The key to his team's success can be traced to his careful, if not exactly original, assembling of players who are almost without exception incredibly speedy baserunners or excellent contact hitters, or both, and his rotation of mostly deadballers, all of whom play and pitch within a cavernous expanse of a ballpark. Visiting teams see their offenses smothered, and teams hosting the Postmodernists are unable to stem the constant hemorrhaging of base hits and stolen bases. Only two question marks can honestly trouble Notthatsambeckett at this point: First, the Postmodernists played in the least competitive division in the Expansion Cup, and beating up on the likes of the Bearers, the Saints, the Unspecifieds, and the Longshots does not exactly translate into a playoffs steamroller; Second, the Super-League is a far harsher environment than the EC, where a Doppel-Bangers Jr. might run into its conceptual parent, and be destroyed.



The Sub Pen
Polyarny, Murmansk Oblast

The Sub Pen will host games 3, 4, and 5 of this series.



First time owner gingemidget's Daydreamers did not emerge as playoff favorites until later in the year, when everyone realized they had an excellent pitching staff and the most powerful lineup in their division. While most non-DH teams are stereotypically associated with baserunning and defense, gingemidget took Earl Weaver's words to heart:

Earl Weaver posted:

Team speed, for chrissake! You get fuckin' goddamn little fleas on the fuckin' bases getting picked off, trying to steal, getting thrown out, taking runs away from you. You get them big cocksuckers that can hit the fuckin' ball out of the ballpark and you can't make any goddamn mistakes.

Hit the loving ball out of the ballpark indeed. The Daydreamers led the pack with 181 home runs, most in the Taggart League. Now, power will meet speed, and regardless of the winner, the Goose Eggs are almost certainly doomed.



Trethowan Park
Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria

Trethowan Park will host games 1, 2, 6, and 7 of this series.

Turd Ferguson posted:


POSTMODERNISTS STUMBLE IN FRONT OF MADDUX, DAYDREAMERS TAKE FIRST GAME 4-1

Sometimes, your best is just not good enough, especially when your best is going up against Greg Maddux. The hit machine of the Postmodernists sputtered and died at the hands of one of the greatest pitchers of all time, and Barrow didn't think twice before taking advantage of their ace's performance, opening up a 2-0 lead in the second innings with back-to-back home runs off of "Noodles" Hahn. The Postmodernists managed to score only once, on a fielding error by Barrow third baseman Frank Baker. For the rest of the game, they were held at bay first by Maddux, who pitched seven innings, and then by the combo of Keith Foulke and Jim Kern in the eight and ninth, respectively. Todd Worrell, from the Polyarny bullpen, failed to hold the score, giving up a run to Barrow's hitters in the eighth.

After the game, the typically restrained gingemidget thanked his opponent for "a sporting match" in a short press conference. NotThatSamBeckett responded by reading a long essay entitled "Forgetting Baudrillard: Capitalist Theory and the Subcultural Paradigm of Expressionism and Socialism" to reporters.

Box Score



Didn't realize how late it was when I started, the rest will be up tomorrow.

Game Two



Game Three



Game Four



Game Five


tatankatonk fucked around with this message at 04:11 on Sep 19, 2012

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
If either the Goose Eggs or Postmodernists want to post an adjusted lineup, now's the time.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Hey, congratulations Smasher! That's really great!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
:siren:Trade Alert!:siren:

San Juan Elephants receive:
2003 Ichiro Suzuki

Norfolk Splinter Cells receive:
1974 Tommy John
1974 Jim Brewer

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.



City: San Juan, Puerto Rico
Home Stadium: Vin Scully Park
Dimensions: 330, 375, 400, 375, 330, open-air, excellent quality infield, large foul territory, very tall grass, good visibility

1928 Boston Braves (1)
1967 Atlanta Braves (2)
1974 Los Angeles Dodgers (4)
1977 Cleveland Indians (1)
1984 Cleveland Indians (2)

DH Preference: Yes, please

28-Man:

C '67 Joe Torre
1B '74 Steve Garvey
DH '28 Rogers Hornsby
2B:'74 Davey Lopes
SS '84 Julio Franco
3B '77 Buddy Bell
LF '84 Brett Butler
CF '03 Ichiro Suzuki
RF '67 Hank Aaron

'74 Joe Ferguson - C
'74 Ron Cey - 3B
'67 Denis Menke - UT
'74 Jim Wynn - OF

SP#1: '84 Bert Blyleven
SP#2: '74 Don Sutton
SP#3: '74 Andy Messersmith
SP#4: '67 Phil Niekro
SP#5: '84 Rick Sutcliffe

CL '77 Dennis Eckersley
SU '74 Mike Marshall
SR '77 Larry Andersen
SR '77 Jim Kern
MR '67 Ron Reed
MR '67 Clay Carroll
LR '74 Charlie Hough

AAA:
'77 Dave LaRoche - RP
'84 Joe Carter - OF
'67 Felipe Alou - 1B/OF

code:
#1 Ichiro Suzuki - CF
#2 Rogers Hornsby - DH
#3 Joe Torre - C
#4 Hank Aaron - RF 
#5 Julio Franco - SS
#6 Brett Butler - LF
#7 Steve Garvey - 1B
#8 Buddy Bell - 3B
#9 Davey Lopes - 2B
Hit and Run: -4
Sacrifice Bunt: -5
Squeeze Play: 1
Trying for extra bases: -2
Stealing Bases: -2
Aggressively Tagging Up: 4
Pitch Outs (to prevent stolen bases): 0
Giving Intentional Walks: -2
Pitching Around Good Hitters: 0
Bringing the Infield In: 0
Guarding the Lines: 0
Making Cutoff Throws: +2
Bringing in Pinch Hitters: +4
Bringing in Pinch Runners: 0
Bringing in Defensive Replacements: +2
Starting Pitchers on Short Rest: +1
Letting pitchers pitch throw trouble: -3
Letting Pitchers rack up high pitch counts: -2

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

gardenald posted:



Also, I am in need of a competent 3B. I have a surprising amount of good pitching available to trade.

e: Available dudes include, but are not limited to
Luis Tiant
Reggie Cleveland
Spaceman Lee
Tom Burgmeier
Howie Pollet
Max Lanier
Harry Brecheen
Jerry Staley
Al Brazle
Ted Wilks


I'd also be willing to trade one of Lefty Leifield, Hank Robinson or Max Carey for a top notch 3B.


What year is your Luis Tiant (and your other guys, I guess)? I've got '74 Ron Cey and '77 Buddy Bell.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

gardenald posted:

Sorry, here are the years

'78 Luis Tiant

'78 Tiant for '77 Buddy Bell?

tatankatonk fucked around with this message at 05:46 on Oct 19, 2012

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

gardenald posted:

Sounds like a deal to me

noice, just post that you approve this

:siren: Trade Notice :siren:



San Juan Elephants receive:

'78 Luis Tiant

Barons receive:

'77 Buddy Bell

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.



City: San Juan, Puerto Rico
Home Stadium: Vin Scully Park
Dimensions: 330, 375, 400, 375, 330, open-air, excellent quality infield, large foul territory, very tall grass, good visibility

1928 Boston Braves (1)
1967 Atlanta Braves (2)
1974 Los Angeles Dodgers (4)
1977 Cleveland Indians (1)
1984 Cleveland Indians (2)

DH Preference: Yes, please

28-Man:

C '67 Joe Torre
1B '74 Steve Garvey
DH '28 Rogers Hornsby
2B:'74 Davey Lopes
SS '84 Julio Franco
3B '74 Ron Cey
LF '84 Brett Butler
CF '03 Ichiro Suzuki
RF '67 Hank Aaron

'74 Joe Ferguson - C
'67 Denis Menke - UT
'67 Felipe Alou - 1B/OF
'74 Jim Wynn - OF

SP#1: '84 Bert Blyleven
SP#2: '74 Don Sutton
SP#3: '74 Andy Messersmith
SP#4: '67 Phil Niekro
SP#5: '78 Luis Tiant

CL '77 Dennis Eckersley
SU '74 Mike Marshall
SR '77 Larry Andersen
SR '77 Jim Kern
MR '67 Ron Reed
MR '67 Clay Carroll
LR '74 Charlie Hough

AAA:
'77 Dave LaRoche - RP
'84 Joe Carter - OF
'77 Rick Sutcliffe - SP

code:
#1 Ichiro Suzuki - CF
#2 Rogers Hornsby - DH
#3 Joe Torre - C
#4 Hank Aaron - RF 
#5 Julio Franco - SS
#6 Brett Butler - LF
#7 Steve Garvey - 1B
#8 Ron Cey - 3B
#9 Davey Lopes - 2B
Hit and Run: -4
Sacrifice Bunt: -5
Squeeze Play: 1
Trying for extra bases: -2
Stealing Bases: -2
Aggressively Tagging Up: 4
Pitch Outs (to prevent stolen bases): 0
Giving Intentional Walks: -2
Pitching Around Good Hitters: 0
Bringing the Infield In: 0
Guarding the Lines: 0
Making Cutoff Throws: +2
Bringing in Pinch Hitters: +4
Bringing in Pinch Runners: 0
Bringing in Defensive Replacements: +2
Starting Pitchers on Short Rest: +1
Letting pitchers pitch throw trouble: -3
Letting Pitchers rack up high pitch counts: -2

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.



28-Man:

C '67 Joe Torre
1B '74 Steve Garvey
2B '28 Rogers Hornsby
SS '84 Julio Franco
3B '74 Ron Cey
LF '84 Brett Butler
CF '03 Ichiro Suzuki
RF '67 Hank Aaron

'74 Davey Lopes - 2B
'74 Joe Ferguson - C
'67 Denis Menke - UT
'67 Felipe Alou - 1B/OF
'74 Jim Wynn - OF

SP#1: '84 Bert Blyleven
SP#2: '74 Don Sutton
SP#3: '74 Andy Messersmith
SP#4: '67 Phil Niekro
SP#5: '78 Luis Tiant

CL '77 Dennis Eckersley
SU '74 Mike Marshall
SR '77 Larry Andersen
SR '77 Jim Kern
MR '67 Ron Reed
MR '67 Clay Carroll
LR '74 Charlie Hough

AAA:
'77 Dave LaRoche - RP
'84 Joe Carter - OF
'77 Rick Sutcliffe - SP

code:
#1 Ichiro Suzuki - CF
#2 Rogers Hornsby - 2B
#3 Joe Torre - C
#4 Hank Aaron - RF 
#5 Julio Franco - SS
#6 Brett Butler - LF
#7 Steve Garvey - 1B
#8 Ron Cey - 3B
#9 Pitcher
Hit and Run: -4
Sacrifice Bunt: -5
Squeeze Play: 1
Trying for extra bases: -2
Stealing Bases: -2
Aggressively Tagging Up: 4
Pitch Outs (to prevent stolen bases): 0
Giving Intentional Walks: -2
Pitching Around Good Hitters: 0
Bringing the Infield In: 0
Guarding the Lines: 0
Making Cutoff Throws: +2
Bringing in Pinch Hitters: +4
Bringing in Pinch Runners: 0
Bringing in Defensive Replacements: +2
Starting Pitchers on Short Rest: +1
Letting pitchers pitch throw trouble: -3
Letting Pitchers rack up high pitch counts: -2


adjusted for No-DH

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


:siren:Trade Notice!:siren:

Elephants receive:

1994 Pedro Martinez

Vice City Goose Eggs receive:

1967 Phil Niekro
1974 Ron Cey

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.



28-Man:

C '67 Joe Torre
1B '74 Steve Garvey
2B '74 Davey Lopes
SS '84 Julio Franco
3B '28 Rogers Hornsby
LF '67 Hank Aaron
CF '84 Brett Butler
RF '03 Ichiro Suzuki

'74 Joe Ferguson - C
'67 Denis Menke - UT
'67 Felipe Alou - 1B/OF
'74 Jim Wynn - OF

SP#1: '84 Bert Blyleven
SP#2: '74 Don Sutton
SP#3: '94 Pedro Martinez
SP#4: '74 Andy Messersmith
SP#5: '78 Luis Tiant

CL '77 Dennis Eckersley
SU '74 Mike Marshall
SR '77 Larry Andersen
SR '77 Jim Kern
MR '67 Ron Reed
MR '67 Clay Carroll
LR '74 Charlie Hough
LR '77 Rick Sutcliffe

AAA:
'77 Dave LaRoche - RP
'84 Joe Carter - OF
'74 Al Downing - SP

code:
#1 Ichiro Suzuki - RF
#2 Rogers Hornsby - 2B
#3 Joe Torre - C
#4 Hank Aaron - LF
#5 Julio Franco - SS
#6 Brett Butler - CF
#7 Steve Garvey - 1B
#8 Davey Lopes - 2B
#9 Pitcher
adjusted for No-DH, moved Hornsby to 3rd, added Pedro to the rotation, adjusted the outfield, added Al Downing from the feeders to round out the 28-man roster.

tatankatonk fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Oct 23, 2012

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Polyarny, I'll give you '78 Luis Tiant and '84 Brett Butler for Bonds. Or, if you want more pitching, tell me and we can figure something out.

tatankatonk fucked around with this message at 20:06 on Oct 24, 2012

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

NotThatSamBeckett posted:

Rookie '86 Bonds. He'll develop fast, though, and you can play him in center field. The patience is there - no one hits for power in my park, though, because it is huge and open in Arctic Russia.

I guess I need "better than Rick Reuschel," which is not a terribly high bar, but he's worth more than Ed Summers. tatankatonk, I don't need any outfielders, and the ephemeral Buddy Bell isn't for me, either. Senerio, Red Faber and something else would be competitive, but you know he's out for the year, yes?

'87 Tiant and '84 Rick Sutcliffe? It's his Cy Young year :haw: If that's not enough, just look over my roster and tell me what you'd want.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Hey theacox, pop into the IRC when you get a chance, I'd like to talk.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


:siren: Trade Notice :siren:

Elephants receive:

'58 Jim Bunning

Goose Eggs receive:

'84 Joe Carter
'77 Dave LaRoche
'78 Luis Tiant

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Well, that's disappointing, but hopefully when my lineups and rotation are fixed, we'll start performing better.

Here's the lineup:
#1 Ichiro Suzuki - RF
#2 Rogers Hornsby - 3B
#3 Joe Torre - C
#4 Hank Aaron - LF
#5 Julio Franco - SS
#6 Steve Garvey - 1B
#7 Brett Butler - CF
#8 Davey Lopes - 2B
Pitcher

Rotation:
#1 Bert Blyleven
#2 Don Sutton
#3 Andy Messersmith
#4 Pedro Martinez
#5 Luis Tiant

CL Eckersley
SU Mike Marshall
SR Larry Andersen
SR Jim Kern
MR Clay Carroll
MR Ron Reed
LR Charlie Hough

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


Well, time for a shakeup. New lineup, vs both lefties and righties. Send Joe Torre down to the minors for a month.

#1 Joe Ferguson, CF
#2 Davey Lopes, C
#3 Felipe Alou, SS
#4 Denis Menke, RF
#5 Jimmy Wynn, 3B
#7 Steve Garvey, 2B
#8 Joe Carter, LF

Rotation

SP #1 Clay Carroll
SP #2 Dr. Mike Marshall
SP #3 Ron Reed
SP #4 Larry Andersen
SP #5 Jim Kern

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Armitage posted:

Except me!

I'd like to think I know stuff about baseball(not as much as the SAS regulars do. Those are smart dudes.), but I haven't picked the right guys for the sim, which is why I'm facing relegation for a third time.

Some of those guys really do sound good on paper, like the '85 Blue Jays. Future owners lurking the thread, take it from me, don't pick the '85 Blue Jays. Just don't. You will absolutely get relegated.


Please don't slander Jimmy loving Key

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
That sounds good. There's a lot of teams who have third-stringers who are better than a lot of EC backups!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Behold, the new and improved Elephants-Goose Egg anti-blockbuster:

:siren: Trade Alert :siren:

Goose Eggs receive:

'03 Ichiro Suzuki
'77 Dave LaRoche
'78 Luis Tiant

Elephants receive:

'58 Jim Bunning

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Official Super-League Referendum!

Proposition #1
Should the playoff system (eight divisions, no wildcards) be reformed? The best solution would be each league having three divisions with two wildcards.

A. Yes!


Proposition #2

There has also been a talk about redistributing players from older teams to younger teams by various means. Would you prefer:

A. A Rule 5 Draft

casting my ballot!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

tatankatonk posted:



Well, time for a shakeup. New lineup, vs both lefties and righties. Send Joe Torre down to the minors for a month.

#1 Joe Ferguson, CF
#2 Davey Lopes, C
#3 Felipe Alou, SS
#4 Denis Menke, RF
#5 Jimmy Wynn, 3B
#7 Steve Garvey, 2B
#8 Joe Carter, LF

Rotation

SP #1 Clay Carroll
SP #2 Dr. Mike Marshall
SP #3 Ron Reed
SP #4 Larry Andersen
SP #5 Jim Kern

Reposting my lineup for this month's EC update.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Hey y'all! 1928 Rogers Hornsby is on my trading block! Come and get him!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


Uh, okay, don't know how I suddenly acquired a Roger Clemens, but here is my lineup and my actual roster.


C '74 Joe Ferguson
1B '67 Felipe Alou
2B '74 Denis Menke
SS '84 Julio Franco
3B '74 Steve Garvey
LF '84 Joe Carter
CF '84 Brett Butler
RF '74 Jim Wynn

'67 Joe Torre - C
'28 Rogers Hornsby - 2B
'67 Davey Lopes - 2B
'67 Hank Aaron - OF

SP#1: '84 Bert Blyleven
SP#2: '74 Don Sutton
SP#3: '94 Pedro Martinez
SP#4: '74 Andy Messersmith
SP#5: '58 Jim Bunning

CL '77 Dennis Eckersley
SU '74 Mike Marshall
SR '77 Larry Andersen
SR '77 Jim Kern
MR '67 Ron Reed
MR '67 Clay Carroll
LR '74 Charlie Hough
LR '77 Rick Sutcliffe

AAA:
'74 Al Downing - SP

and my lineup

code:
#1 Joe Carter - OF
#2 Joe Ferguson - C
#3 Denis Menke - 2B
#4 Brett Butler - CF
#5 Felipe Alou - 1B
#6 Julio Franco - SS
#7 Steve Garvey - 3B
#8 Jim Wynn - RF
Pitcher
Please adjust accordingly!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
'74 Steve Garvey for Frank Robinson

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
'74 Jim Wynn for Vladimir Guerrero

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
And 1974 Steve Garvey for Killebrew, since Garvey already lost out for Frank Robinson

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
'84 Rick Sutcliffe on Halladay.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
'74 Al Downing for Bucky Walters.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Add my second round Super Draft pick to the Garvey bid to keep the lead.

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tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.
Okay, just to keep everything in one place, here are all of my outstanding bids, apologies to Smasher because this is probably driving you loving bonkers


'64 Harmon "Killer" Killebrew
Current Bid: '74 Steve Garvey, 2nd round Superdraft pick

'68 Dick "The Downward Spiral" McAuliffe
Current Bid: '67 Denis Menke

'85 Wade "Wade" Boggs
Current Bid: '84 Rick Sutcliffe, 3rd round dispersal draft pick, '28 George Sisler, '74 Charlie Hough, '77 Rico Carty

'03 Vladimir "How does a walk work?" Guerrero
Current Bid: '74 Jimmy Wynn
'75 Dwight "Mr. Naptime" Evans
Current Bid: '84 Joe Carter, '77 Andre Thornton

'41 Bucky "Buckford" Walters
Current Bid: '74 Al Downing

'78 Tug "Tugglesworth" McGraw
Current Bid: '74 Bill Buckner

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