shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Don't keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady!

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kazil: Jul 24, 2005; A fancy little mouse🐁!

Oh, and though I hope I hardly have to say it - I was the guy who started singing. Me, Albert Einstein

# ? Aug 13, 2012 17:23

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# ? May 4, 2024 01:55

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

kazil posted:

Oh, and though I hope I hardly have to say it - I was the guy who started singing. Me, Albert Einstein

And that Albert Einstein singer was mauled by a bear.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 17:48

sparksbloom: Apr 30, 2006

From tumblr:

quote:

(Our Japanese restaurant is near a school that annually hosts an anime convention. So, it�s fairly common to have cosplayers among our customers at the time of the con. The owner is okay with it as long as they don�t annoy the other customers. On this day, we seat twelve cosplayers and, later, I seat three young customers near them.)

Young Customer #1: �What is this? Why are those guys costumed?�

Me: �Oh, there�s a large anime convention ongoing at the local school. It�s rather common to see them at the times of the gathering.�

Young Customer #1: *chuckles* �Yeah, what a bunch of dorks.�

Young Customer #2: �Total nerds.�

(Since there are no other free tables and they didn�t pre-order a table, they sit near the cosplayers while mocking them under their breath. In the meantime, a cosplayer of Pikachu is talking somewhat loudly on his phone.)

Young Customer #2: *waves at me* �Hey, you! Tell those dorks to shut up!�

Halo Cosplayer: �Oh, I�m sorry, sir.� *to �Pikachu�* �Dude, not so loud. You�re bothering people.�

Pikachu Cosplayer: �What? Oh, sorry to bother you guys.� *starts talking again, but much quieter*

Young Customer #3: �Yeah, that�s right. Shut up, you virgin nerd!�

Young Customer #1: �Go back to the library, virgins!�

(At this point, I warn the owner about the behavior of the younger customers. He immediately goes to their table.)

Owner: �What seems to be the problem?�

Young Customer #1: �It�s not our fault. Those nerds started to insult us! We�re not going to stay here and do nothing!�

Owner: �My staff told me the contrary, actually.�

Young Customer #3: �What?! That b***h waitress is lying!�

Owner: �Sir, I won�t allow you to insult my staff or customers. Those cosplayers were extremely polite and quiet during their meals, unlike you. If someone must be thrown out, it�s you.�

(In the blink of an eye, one of the young customers gets up and tries to grab the owner. However, to our surprise, one of the cosplayers playing Batman grabs him by the hair, slams him on the table and holds him still.)

Young Customer #1: �OW! That f***ing hurts! Who the f*** do you think you are, you motherf***er?!�

Batman Cosplayer: *in a raspy tone* �I am vengeance. I am the night. I am� Batman.�

(The two other customers begin to yell, but quickly shut up when all the cosplayers get up and surround them, showing that most of them are clearly larger than them. The mall security arrests the bad customers, and the cosplayers leave after apologizing for the trouble. However, it�s not before we snap a picture with them. Now, we frequently joke about that time when Batman, Pikachu and Master Chief saved the restaurant!)

# ? Aug 13, 2012 17:57

1stGear: Jan 16, 2010; Here's to the new us.

That was believable right up to the point Batman arrived. Dude just had to jazz the story up.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 18:11

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

some lying troper posted:

Nothing was moving, and everyone was grumbling - right up until the point where someone started in with "Hallelujah." The version from "Shrek."

"Leonard who? I just heard it in Shrek, you guys!"

:negative:

Also, isn't that song very much focused on Judaism and the loss of one's faith?

# ? Aug 13, 2012 18:42

SpiderHyphenMan: Apr 1, 2010; by Fluffdaddy

"Ha ha! Look at these idiots singing a song from "Shrek"!"

# ? Aug 13, 2012 18:43

Fart Sandwiches: Apr 4, 2006; i never asked for this

quote:

Young Customer #1: �Go back to the library, virgins!�

Yes, this is how people talk and make insults.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 18:52

SpiderHyphenMan: Apr 1, 2010; by Fluffdaddy

xwonderboyx posted:

Yes, this is how people talk and make insults.

Those third graders are so mean.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 19:03

Daikatana Ritsu: Aug 1, 2008

Drox posted:

Hi, I know several people who have had their families and work contacted by fyad creeps. Stalking happens in real life, what the gently caress do you think it means?

# ? Aug 13, 2012 19:13

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

loving OWNED...I pretty much felt like Neo in the Matrix.

quote:

So, Obamarama Megathread, I come to you with a story you might like.

I was at a Halloween party Friday night that fluctuated from 25-40 people during the night. This is in a VERY conservative part of Florida, and basically everyone at this party except myself and my girlfriend is at the very low end of the socioeconomic scale, Wal-mart workers, Waffle House waitresses, etc. We are all sitting out in the backyard of my sister's place with a roaring fire and all the food and alcohol you could hope for and then some motherfucker has to bring up politics.

Can you imagine who these people are voting for? I think you can. So for the next two hours or so, I took on all comers, and won, constantly, every single time. With my trusty laptop computer I proceeded to prove every single bullshit claim about the Senator's policies wrong.

"He's going to take what I have and give it to others!" loving OWNED.
"He's going to destroy small businesses!" loving OWNED.
"He'll surrender in Iraq and lose all we've gained!" loving OWNED.
<just about any other policy question you can think of> loving OWNED.

And so, once they had exhausted all possible policy arguments against Senator Obama, it was time to pull out the racism and lies. But your humble correspondent was more than ready, and again it was time for people to get loving OWNED.

"He's a 'secret' Muslim!" loving OWNED.
"He's a communist!" loving OWNED.
"He's friends with terrorists!" loving OWNED.
"He changed his last name from Osama to Obama!" loving OWNED.

At long last, there was only one fellow still standing against me, a late 20s/early 30s Navy guy who had not dared to face me directly all night but who I had seen whispering poo poo to other people, who I then proceeded to loving destroy.

Now, I don't want to make too much of this, but I want you all to understand just how bad-rear end this scenario really is. For 2 hours, 2 solid hours, I've been standing in front of this flickering fire taking down all comers with calmness, dignity, and aplomb. I've convinced 10+ of these people to vote for their own and their country's loving self-interest this election instead of voting based on fear being sold by assholes. And now, at long last, their chief himself steps up.

I am not making this up. Every single person at this party is now looking at the two of us, and from the remaining McCain people there is a palpable air of "Oh, poo poo, our Navy guy is about to rip his poo poo up!" It's like the end of a Dragonball Z episode or something. This is what happens, nearly verbatim.

Navy Guy: "You're going to vote for a man who isn't even a loving AMERICAN!"
JS: "What do you mean?"
NG: "He wasn't even born in America! He had to renounce his American citizenship to go to his Muslim school in Indonesia! He's not even a citizen!"
JS: "First of all, you're wrong, and second of all, he was like 4 years old. You can't renounce your citizenship when you're 4 any more than you can sign a legally binding contract. But that doesn't matter, because Senator Barack Obama is an American who was born in Hawaii."
NG: "Aw, bullshit. Go ahead and vote for someone who's not even an American."
JS: "So, you are certain about this? That a serving United States Senator whose background has been investigated probably more thoroughly than any other man in the history of the entire world has somehow managed to hide the fact that he is not even an American citizen? Is that what you are saying?"
NG: "drat right."
JS: "And you are sure about this?"
NG: "One. Hundred. Percent."

I have you now.

JS: "Then let's put our money where our mouths are."
NG: >bright-eyed "confrontation grin" begins to crack< "What do you mean?"
JS: "Well, you've made a pretty vicious slander against Senator Obama, and you've claimed you are certain it is true. I can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is not. So how about this. If you aren't completely full of poo poo and just flat-out knowingly lying, let's make a bet on it. If you win, I will donate what we bet to Senator McCain's campaign. And if I win, you will donate what we bet to Senator Barack Obama."
NG: >grin is gone, I can smell panic< "Fine. How much?"
JS: "Two thousand two hundred and fifty dollars."
NG: >silence, looks around at the audience<
JS: >extends hand<
NG: "Well, now-"
JS: "Do you want to bet, or don't you? Because if you don't, I think it might be indicative that you are lying."
NG: >silence, sense of mounting panic<
JS: "I have my credit card with me and my computer, and I'm ready to put my money where my mouth is. How about it?"
NG: "Well, you know, you can get whatever you want to come up on that computer."
JS: "Does that mean you don't want to bet?"
NG: "I just know you'll cheat."
JS: "I'll let you look it up."
NG: "Bah, gently caress that, like I'd trust someone who'd vote for Obama."
JS: "Does that mean you don't want to bet?"
NG: >silence<
JS: "But you were so confident."
NG: >glares, looks down, looks around at people, LEAVES PARTY WITHOUT ANOTHER WORD<

The best part of this story is what happens next. There was a group of 6 20-25ish kids there who work with my sister. As we silently watch Navy Guy take his walk of shame to his car, the "leader" of this little group indicates me and says, "Man, if that guy is voting for Obama, I am too," which is roundly huzzahed by his followers. I pretty much felt like Neo in the Matrix.

So, +17 for Obama Friday night in Florida. But even better, 2 solid hours of stomping bullshit into the ground culminating in seeing Emperor Bullshit exposed as having no clothes, after all.

I hope that dude drove home crying and punching his leg.

Nckdictator has a new favorite as of 19:19 on Aug 13, 2012

# ? Aug 13, 2012 19:15

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Bleusman posted:

From tumblr:

This is the most realistic, apart from the insults. Some cos players get stupidly in to their costumes, so I could see an idiot dressed up like batman pulling that.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 19:21

Arschlochkind: Mar 29, 2010

Nckdictator posted:

loving OWNED...I pretty much felt like Neo in the Matrix.

Of course it happened in a crucial swing state too. The only way it would have been funnier is if it were in a state Obama had either no real shot at winning or no real way of losing. Also if everyone had clapped and cheered at the end. And that voter was Albert Einstein.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 19:34

Roach Warehouse: Nov 1, 2010

Hey noted Obama campaigner Albert Einstein, way to loving ruin the party with your smug political bullshit.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 19:36

Frankston: Jul 27, 2010

Seen this one a lot on Facebook recently.

quote:

A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her seat and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man. Visibly furious, she called the air hostess.

"Whats the problem, ma?" the hostess asked her
"Cant you see?" the lady said - "I was given a seat next to a black man. I cant seat here next to him. You have to change my seat"

- "Please, calm down, ma" - said the hostess
"Unfortunately, all the seats are occupied, but I`m still going to check if we have any."
The hostess left and returned some minutes later.
"Madam, as I told you, there isn`t any empty seat in this class- economy class.
But I spoke to the captain and he confirmed that there isn`t any empty seats in the economy class. We only have seats in the first class."
And before the woman said anything, the hostess continued
"Look, it is unusual for our company to allow a passenger from the economy class change to the first class.
However, given the circumstances, the commandant thinks that it would be a scandal to make a passenger travel sat next to an unpleasant person."

And turning to the black man, the hostess said:

"Which means, Sir, if you would be so nice to pack your handbag, we have reserved you a seat in the first class..."
And all the passengers nearby, who were shocked to see the scene started applauding, some standing on their feet."
LIKE AND SHARE IF YOU ARE AGAINST RACISM!

And that air hostess... was Albert Einstein

# ? Aug 13, 2012 19:56

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

I too remember when "retards" "suck up hundreds of thousands of dollars of government support a year"

quote:

Seriouspost, I don't see how anything I wrote is even remotely bizarre or can be interpreted as even slightly beyond being socially pragmatic and sane. Retards are worthless wastes of flesh who need to be eliminated because they literally will never contribute anything to society and suck up hundreds of thousands of dollars of government support a year. Just dwell on that factoid: Palin herself gets MONEY because she shat out Trig. Yeah. And she'll continue to get money for that abomination for the rest of its life, all because she didn't abort him. Isn't grand?

# ? Aug 13, 2012 20:02

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

a cosplayin' badass posted:

(In the blink of an eye, one of the young customers gets up and tries to grab the owner. However, to our surprise, one of the cosplayers playing Batman grabs him by the hair, slams him on the table and holds him still.)

Young Customer #1: �OW! That f***ing hurts! Who the f*** do you think you are, you motherf***er?!�

Batman Cosplayer: *in a raspy tone* �I am vengeance. I am the night. I am� Batman.�

(The two other customers begin to yell, but quickly shut up when all the cosplayers get up and surround them, showing that most of them are clearly larger than them. The mall security arrests the bad customers, and the cosplayers leave after apologizing for the trouble. However, it�s not before we snap a picture with them. Now, we frequently joke about that time when Batman, Pikachu and Master Chief saved the restaurant!)

And that Batman was...

# ? Aug 13, 2012 20:08

Dancing Potato: May 21, 2007

Frankston posted:

Seen this one a lot on Facebook recently.

And that air hostess... was Albert Einstein

Why is she calling the passenger Ma? You'd think she'd be used to this kinda poo poo from her own mother.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 20:11

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

I threw a temper tantrum at underpaid fast food workers.

quote:

Some friends and I stopped for a quick lunch inside a KFC/Taco Bell combination restaurant. We order, a friend getting a KFC Snacker and myself getting a Snacker combo. We wait for twenty minutes before any food comes to us. We open the bags, and my two Snackers are missing altogether and my friend's is covered in various assorted and unwelcome taco vegetables. I go to the register and inquire about the status of my sandwiches, displaying my receipt and explaining the problem. The manager sets out to fix it, and tells the cook to do his job.

Fifteen minutes later: I go up to the counter again and ask politely if they have forgotten about the sandwiches. Of course, they have not and are sorry for the mistake. After another five minutes they hand me a bag with one, ONE sandwich within. Furious, I advise my compadres to head to the car. As they leave, I dump all the drinks upon the floor, scatter wrappers everywhere, and upend the table. We peel out as we flee the parking lot. I don't envy the guy who had to clean up that mess. Though he didn't directly harm me, he was complicit in that fast-food holocaust and had to be held responsible.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 20:27

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

Nckdictator posted:

I threw a temper tantrum at underpaid fast food workers.

Well yeah but he said it was a holocaust, I think he reacted with admirable restraint considering how horrific that experience must have been.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 20:29

homerlaw: Sep 21, 2008; Plants are the best ergo Sylvari=Best

Nckdictator posted:

I too remember when "retards" "suck up hundreds of thousands of dollars of government support a year"

Literal eugenics what the gently caress

# ? Aug 13, 2012 20:30

Parsley: Jul 17, 2012

Nckdictator posted:

I threw a temper tantrum at underpaid fast food workers.

Is the punchline, "I am also 6 years old."

# ? Aug 13, 2012 21:07

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

I had imagined asking her to go to McDonald's with me, her saying yes, having a romantic moment late at night before dropping her off.

quote:

So, there is this girl, who I have film class with. She is a pretty girl with short dark hair and lovely green eyes. Last week, I thought she was flirting with me. This excited me; girls never flirt with me. In the subsequent days, I have become abnormally preoccupied with her (you may call her Carly, for that is her name.) I had imagined asking her to go to McDonald's with me, her saying yes, having a romantic moment late at night before dropping her off, maybe a kiss (), making love and then talking for hours until the sun came up. Carly was the girl. The Girl. THE Girl. I said to myself, "Self, on Wednesday, 1 February, you will ask your future wife out on a date." Myself agreed that this was a reasonable plan of action, and so it was.

Cut to today. I'm becoming a nervous wreck, and I begin having small panic attacks in class. I was worried that she would catch me staring at her, which she did (though I then pretended to be quite interested in the wall behind her - I think it worked.) I had to keep my notebook half-closed, so that she wouldn't see her name and a rudimentary sketch of her which I had jotted down.

I don't want her to think I was unstable.

Fast forward to the end of class. I'm standing in the hallway, waiting for her to pass. She's taking forever. It was almost as if she knew I was out there, and deliberately stalling! I say variations of "Goodbye, see you Monday" to the other 30 people in the class, as they slowly file by, one-by-one. My Carly has yet to show her beautiful face from behind the prison that is the door frame of Film 181. At last, after 10 minutes which seemed like a lifetime, she emerged.

My Superego wet itself.

As she approached, time slowed to a crawl. Suddenly, the delicate sounds of the world became at once both a cacophony of disassociated noise, and complete silence, save for my overworked, rapidly-beating heart. The extremities go cold. Is this love, what I'm feeling? Perhaps it was the love that I have been searching for. Or it could be a stroke, or an attack on the heart. I chalked it up to mere nerves, and moved forward, subtly blocking her path with my hulking frame.

"So you didn't talk much in class!"
"Well, I'm a shy person." Her melodic voice and almost fawn-like innocence, her need for protection, bolstered my returning confidence. Filled with the courage of 1,000 men, I pressed on.
"Well, as if it's not painfully obvious enough, I was waiting out here to ask you out." I falter on the last sentence fragment. I feel the pain as it attempts to claw its way out of my throat-hole. Without hesitation, she looks into my eyes, and says

"I actually have a boyfriend, he's coming down this week t"

The rest of her words fell on deaf ears, for my life felt over. As she continued her meaningless conversational drivel, me walking by her side like a cruel tease (I'm sure we could be great FRIENDS, but that's a discussion for another day - you can check out a little something called "The Ladder Theory" for a preview of what I mean,) I kept imagining the life I had worked out for us, good times which would never come to pass. Walks around the park, untrodden. Romantic dinners, unmasticated. Tender love, flown solo. My heart began to feel as if it were dying, a death it has died so many times before (though not from asking girls out, just imagining doing so - it's not everyday you actually go out and TALK to one of them!) As we parted ways at the bottom of the staircase, my chest hurting from the slashing she performed upon my heart (and from the grueling 20-step descent,) she said the five words which will haunt me for the rest of my days:

"Goodbye, see you on Monday. "

I'll see you before then, sweet Carly. Though I doubt you will see me.

Nckdictator has a new favorite as of 21:18 on Aug 13, 2012

# ? Aug 13, 2012 21:15

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

CREEP posted:

I'll see you before then, sweet Carly. Though I doubt you will see me.

Ugh. Carly should fear for her life.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 21:46

Zack_Gochuck: Jan 4, 2007; Stupid Wrestling People

Nckdictator posted:

I had imagined asking her to go to McDonald's with me, her saying yes, having a romantic moment late at night before dropping her off.

I'm pretty sure that one might have happened.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 21:56

Synonamess Botch: Jun 5, 2006; dicks are for my cat

Magic_Ceiling_Fan posted:

I'm pretty sure that one might have happened.

I'm pretty sure that one is very obviously a troll

# ? Aug 13, 2012 21:59

Hot Sauce Batman: Oct 8, 2011; by T. Finninho

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

Well yeah but he said it was a holocaust, I think he reacted with admirable restraint considering how horrific that experience must have been.

But it was covered in assorted and unwelcome vegetables. loving VEGETABLES man what the gently caress

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:04

Fart Sandwiches: Apr 4, 2006; i never asked for this

While that may be poo poo that did happen, the alarming quickness with which he dismisses her upon learning about her relationship status is disgusting.

quote:

"I actually have a boyfriend, he's coming down this week t"

The rest of her words fell on deaf ears, for my life felt over. As she continued her meaningless conversational drivel,

Women who aren't sexually available to my undoubtedly obese unshowered body are completely useless. Got it.

Synonamess Botch posted:

I'm pretty sure that one is very obviously a troll

I dunno man, have you read TVTropes?

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:06

Arschlochkind: Mar 29, 2010

xwonderboyx posted:

Women who aren't sexually available to my undoubtedly obese unshowered body are completely useless. Got it.

"subtly blocking her path with my hulking frame"

:haw:

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:21

Coheed and Camembert: Feb 11, 2012

This one was from r/atheism a little over a year ago. At first it doesn't sound like a STDH.txt but it's just so :smug:

I can't just not post it.

Some idiot posted:

Sorry I left out the back story, here we go... I was out of town visiting with a close friend. We went out drinking (always a terrible time for this kind of conversation, I know.) Late in the night we were telling jokes and I said one i'd seen one here the other day about christianity being a based upon the most successful case of adultery. This was the catalyst for the more serious conversation. Though I'm pretty outspoken about my stance on religion and i know his, he kept going for it. The conversation turned, after I gave a borrowed a line from Sam Harris; about the biblical timeline of water being created before light and how it's not a scientifically sustainable idea. (I couldn't find the link) He responded by saying; "The rules of science don't apply to god, so how can you deny his existence in that respect." At this point, I realized how futile talking about this was. So I was a bit smug in my retort, "The rules of science don't apply to the Smurfs either, so how can you deny their existence in that respect. If you're just going to make things up then this conversation is over." This is where he became visibly upset, and began rambling on about how blessed he is and how all the good fortune in his life is because of his relationship with god. He had even warned me earlier not to "tempt the lord" by challenging his existence. I responded by asking about children who starve and die in 3rd world countries before having any chance to be exposed to the bible and sarcastically asking how their relationship with god was. He simply said that it was irrelevant. So i stood up to go get a beer and said, "Look we can talk our way in a circle forever but if your just going to deny basic logic and scientific evidence because your god is a magical being than i'm done because you're just being loving stupid." I went and grabbed 2 beers and when i walked back on the patio he hit me in the face.

Ok so he did actually get hit in the face, maybe he recognized that he shouldn't argue about religion with drunk

Same idiot posted:

EDIT: I didn't hit him back, he's took me by surprise with the punch and I asked him what the gently caress he was doing and he just yelled "You go to loving far man." then ran out of the apt. into the street. I was pissed at first but then realized he would probably do something stupid so i went out and got him from the street. He apologized and offered to let me punch him, I didn't, we're fine. I just love the irony of YOU DONT BELIEVE IN JESUS WHO PREACHED LOVE!? I'M GOING TO ATTACK YOU.

Yeah we're total bros now but I just like to remind people that he hit me and he's totally a Christian and hypocrisy and :smug:

Normal people realized he was being a dramatic idiot and needs to stop acting the victim, but let's see what r/atheism thinks

quote:

Christians have only two defenses when cornered; circle logic, or physical violence.

quote:

"You go to loving far man." No man, that's just reality, if you choose not to see it then you embrace your own ignorance.

quote:

I'm not surprised. People will resort to violence if you pop their bubble that makes them feel safe and secure.

quote:

Just more proof that muslim extremists aren't the only dick heads

gently caress you dad stop making me go to church

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:32

Enderzero: Jun 19, 2001; The snowflake button makes it
cold cold cold
Set temperature makes it
hold hold hold

The troper ones crack me up because they write like the things they love so everyone...is always speaking...in ellipses, like...an anime. That guy...is INhuman!

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:32

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

It's not in text form but there was a guy I went to high school with named Cole who was basically poo poo That Didn't Happen incarnate.

Usually they had a template involving him at a party with an anonymous friend and the friend's girlfriend. The friend would leave the room and Cole would start making out with the girlfriend. Chaos ensues. The best variation on this story was when the friend came back and threw a "ninja star" at him. It hit the wall, so Cole naturally grabbed it out of the wall and threw it right back, hitting his friend in the thigh. It's cool though. They're still tight.

Another time Cole was sending a picture of his dick to a girl, but accidentally sent it to his father, who for some reason is in his phone as Big Daddy and was therefore next to whatever "B" name she had. His dad was so infuriated that he picked up Cole and threw him through drywall.

Cole is into biting during sex. One time he was totally loving this chick in a hotel room and he bit her jugular vein and got blood all over the bed.

He's pretty sure that he can play basketball at the DI mid-major power he now attends. He was a 6'3" power forward at a tiny private school that doesn't cut students from its teams. Unfortunately, he was put on probation when he was caught on camera drinking out of a handle of vodka on national television.

I'm sure I could fill an entire thread with Cole stories if I asked enough people to recall the ones he told them.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:35

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

Enderzero posted:

The troper ones crack me up because they write like the things they love so everyone...is always speaking...in ellipses, like...an anime. That guy...is INhuman!

They also seem to like to talk like life is a videogame considering how many of those stories use the term "levels" to talk about attributes.

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:35

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

quote:

Over a summer I took a sociology class marriage and the family at a local comm college. It was a big ol female circle jerk led by a phil donahue I'm so sorry I have a penis type teacher who apologised on mens behalf constantly and would also call out the few men in the class to try and explain why men do certain things. None of us would say much of anything as it was more of a dumbfounded are you loving kidding me moment.

After about 6 weeks of marathon 4 hour classes twice a week, I raised my hand stood up and said "Anyone in this room I have personally opressed raise your hand" There was a silence and I waited about 10 seconds. Then I said "well ok, so stop blaming me for all your loving problems". He took his hourly break after about a minute of silence except the guys and like 3 or 4 girls laughing intermittently and then excused the class entirely. The next class was back to a female male opressor penis party discussion as usual but he stopped blaming us individually and didn't apologise on behalf of men nearly as much.

God I hated that class and to show how stupid I am I've taken 2 soc classes since. I guess being annoyed to the point of gritting my teeth is worth the easy A.

Posting this crap is adicting.

Nckdictator has a new favorite as of 22:43 on Aug 13, 2012

# ? Aug 13, 2012 22:40

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Nckdictator posted:

"I hope that dude drove home crying and punching his leg."

That's an oddly (and tellingly) specific description of frustration.

# ? Aug 14, 2012 01:49

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

Nckdictator posted:

Posting this crap is adicting.

And that student....was a lying dickbag.

# ? Aug 14, 2012 07:08

Grey Dynamite: Sep 28, 2010

quote:

Over a summer I took a sociology class marriage and the family at a local comm college. It was a big ol female circle jerk led by a phil donahue I'm so sorry I have a penis type teacher who apologised on mens behalf constantly and would also call out the few men in the class to try and explain why men do certain things. None of us would say much of anything as it was more of a dumbfounded are you loving kidding me moment.

After about 6 weeks of marathon 4 hour classes twice a week, I raised my hand stood up and said "Anyone in this room I have personally opressed raise your hand" There was a silence and I waited about 10 seconds. Then I said "well ok, so stop blaming me for all your loving problems". He took his hourly break after about a minute of silence except the guys and like 3 or 4 girls laughing intermittently and then excused the class entirely. The next class was back to a female male opressor penis party discussion as usual but he stopped blaming us individually and didn't apologise on behalf of men nearly as much.

God I hated that class and to show how stupid I am I've taken 2 soc classes since. I guess being annoyed to the point of gritting my teeth is worth the easy A.

And let me guess, the ladies all lined up to blow you after class. Makes me sick to think how many dudes out there are probably cheering at this STDH.

Reading through a lot of these parables for a modern age, I'm noticing a common device that marks the stories out as bullshit: a long dialogue between the rational superhero protagonist who calmly lays out their thesis in exquisite detail and the troglodytic antagonist who can barely manage a "THAT NOT RIGHT BECAUSE ANGELS! I HAVE THE DUMB!", where both are speaking in ways that no one would in real life. How do they expect us to believe that anyone, anywhere, laid out the kind of epic speeches you see in these stories, in a perfectly articulate manner? And how do they expect that the person who totally trounced those IDIOTS can remember their little Galt speech enough to write it down in the detail usually displayed? I can barely remember what I said to my mother five minutes ago when she left for work, and these guys have perfect recall of some lengthy dialogue they had some unspecified time before they shared it with the internet?

# ? Aug 14, 2012 09:45

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

Grey Dynamite posted:

And let me guess, the ladies all lined up to blow you after class. Makes me sick to think how many dudes out there are probably cheering at this STDH.

Reading through a lot of these parables for a modern age, I'm noticing a common device that marks the stories out as bullshit: a long dialogue between the rational superhero protagonist who calmly lays out their thesis in exquisite detail and the troglodytic antagonist who can barely manage a "THAT NOT RIGHT BECAUSE ANGELS! I HAVE THE DUMB!", where both are speaking in ways that no one would in real life. How do they expect us to believe that anyone, anywhere, laid out the kind of epic speeches you see in these stories, in a perfectly articulate manner? And how do they expect that the person who totally trounced those IDIOTS can remember their little Galt speech enough to write it down in the detail usually displayed? I can barely remember what I said to my mother five minutes ago when she left for work, and these guys have perfect recall of some lengthy dialogue they had some unspecified time before they shared it with the internet?

I think the most viable (not correct) answer would be that they were not telling the truth, but a modern parable. It's all bullshit though so iunno.

# ? Aug 14, 2012 09:51

reflir: Oct 29, 2004; So don't. Stay here with me.

muscles like this? posted:

They also seem to like to talk like life is a videogame considering how many of those stories use the term "levels" to talk about attributes.

This is because most of those are spawned by the 'Taking a level in Bad-rear end' trope, not because they literally believe they live in videogames.

# ? Aug 14, 2012 10:03

Metal Gear: Dec 10, 2006; This is SomethingAwful.com

reflir posted:

This is because most of those are spawned by the 'Taking a level in Bad-rear end' trope, not because they literally believe they live in videogames.

I think you're being a little generous to tropers.

# ? Aug 14, 2012 10:24

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# ? May 4, 2024 01:55

Nude Bog Lurker: Jan 2, 2007; Fun Shoe

Enderzero posted:

The troper ones crack me up because they write like the things they love so everyone...is always speaking...in ellipses, like...an anime. That guy...is INhuman!

It's because when you watch....a lot of subtitled television....you start talking....in ellipses.....because that is all the translators*....can fit on....the screen.

# ? Aug 14, 2012 10:31

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Don't keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady!

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