Parenting Megathread: Babies are like TARDIS, much bigger on the inside.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Parenting Megathread: Babies are like TARDIS, much bigger on the inside.

Woman: Oct 31, 2010

It's not a terrible post, it's normal to feel the way you do on barely any sleep. It's important for everyone to get a good night's sleep. Did you ever ask the babysitter what she did to make him sleep 7-8 hours easily? Maybe she has some tips for you on what she did. I've seen a lot of people here recommend the No Cry sleep solution. Also, your husband sounds like he's really depressed. He should talk to someone about it, because he probably won't start being more helpful or interested in doing more activities until he feels better. The longer that takes, the longer you will be exhausted working all day and taking care of all the household duties and child wakings on your own. That will make you resentful eventually. Has he talked to you about what's going on with him?

# ¿ Sep 21, 2012 22:42

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 15:22

Woman: Oct 31, 2010

Wow rio she is adorable, look at those beautiful eyes!

I think i remember a post or a thread from you when you had just had your daughter and your wife was struggling with breastfeeding and you had issues with your mother in law, am i remembering right? I might be wrong. It's great that your wife is getting help for her PPD, but you sound quite depressed yourself; you say you feel like there's nothing to look forward to and that your problems have no resolution, that you feel resigned to live feeling that way. Are you covered under your wife's insurance or have any insurance of your own? Would it be possible for you to talk to a therapist about the way you are feeling and getting some help? It's normal to feel like the life you had before your baby is gone because in a way it is, but it should still be possible for you to make some time to do the things that cheer you up. It takes cooperation and communication between you and your partner so that it can happen, and it's important for the two of you to get to have "me" time. Since she doesn't want to go to therapy on her own, would she be open to going to marriage counseling for the two of you (assuming it's covered)? That might help you guys find ways to communicate better, rather than you not voicing your issues because you think there's never a resolution to your problems.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2012 21:33

Woman: Oct 31, 2010

Obscurity posted:

Anyone have any good information for being a step-parent? (step-father)

I recently moved in with my girlfriend who has a 7 year old daughter. She just finalized the divorce with her husband (was a matter of money, etc..should have done a while ago) and we're thinking of marriage soon. I've already experienced my own set of challenges with being a step-parent..so any sources of information that help would be great.

So far the hardest part is figuring out when / how to be an actual parent, and when to just let the mother be the parent. We don't see eye to eye on certain things, but her being the biological parent I just try my best to let her handle things. I'd like to be a positive parental figure for the girl, but at the same time I don't want to overstep. This isn't easy!

My husband has a six year old daughter from a previous marriage, I became her stepmom when she was 3. Figuring out your role is confusing, demanding and irritating at times, but you'll have an easier time if you discuss it with her mother. Not knowing when to step in and when to back off was a source of arguments between me and my husband because we don't agree on certain parenting things. I've learned that you are allowed to parent, but when what you want to do is different than what the mom or dad wants to do in parenting the child, just bite your tongue and back off. If it's something you think is important to discuss, then bring it up later. This doesn't mean you have no voice and shouldn't have a say in anything, but that you're in a unique position. You can create your own parenting dynamic with her daughter where she will get to know who you are as a new parenting figure, and then there will be a different dynamic when you are all together. I don't know if that makes sense.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2013 16:39

Woman: Oct 31, 2010

samizdat posted:

Based upon my stepson's issues, I feel more like we are foster parents. His allegiance is to his mother, not even his father who does everything for him. I don't feel very bonded because he's not fun to be around. He was taken from his mother by CPS at 8, had to be potty trained and put on special diets (no gluten), and must be continually taught not to be feral. And while his developmental pediatrician agrees that he definitely acts autistic, he can't be diagnosed at the moment because he basically learned nothing while living with his mother so that could just be why he is the way he is. (It's technically unable to be autism if it's possibly due to external causes like abuse or neglect.)

But because he does grade level work (after being held back a year) and passes standardized tests and his young teacher somehow doesn't notice how he needs to be personally re-directed through most school tasks (I've witnessed this in the classroom), nobody at the school cares. If he parrots information and doesn't start fires, then he's a model student even if he can't even explain anything he's just said. He gets As on what is frankly subpar work. Apparently elementary school grade inflation is through the roof.

He's 12 and his doctor has pegged him at 9 based upon some tests, but he will sit and play with wooden blocks and toy cars like he's much younger. His handwriting is very bad but he writes letters in the correct direction now. Doing spelling sentences for class are very hard for him. When he does talk, he has a very limited vocabulary and often isn't able to explain things he doesn't know the words for. He also lies all the time (especially about whatever his mother feeds him even though we pack him a "safe" lunch for his several hour, once a week visitation), but usually lies for no discernible reason, or just says "I don't know." His speech has a strange rhythm to it, and he's hard to understand. Sometimes he sounds like a cell phone on vibrate because of his mumbling.

He generally seems to understand very little of what is going on. His nightly homework is supposed to be less than an hour, but he used to spend 5+ hours sitting in front of it and not doing any of it until I started setting a timer for an hour and telling him that's his homework time. He doesn't get it all done but his teacher doesn't seem to care either. We've requested a special ed evaluation from the school (their legal obligation) and are waiting to hear about whether that is going to happen or what. We tried to have a meeting once and the school psychologist didn't even show up.

It is a parade of doctors these days because I'm tired of dealing with an overgrown toddler with no diagnosis and no extra services that he should be receiving for his condition(s). He's supposed to be in middle school next year and I can't even imagine how he will handle it after being babied by his teachers and ignored by the school. I'm hoping the middle school had higher standards of learning and he will get identified as needing help. I wouldn't put a 9 year old in middle school, so why would it be a good idea to throw him in?

His father is in the military and going away for training for the next 1.5 months in a few days so I'm just going to be walking on eggshells waiting for another stupid temper tantrum where he screams and threatens suicide like the last time his father had to go out of town for far less time (kid's mother tells him to do the fake suicide threats because she thinks she could get custody again, in reality he'd be sent to a far different situation if he couldn't live here).

Wow. That sounds incredibly frustrating and so sad for this poor kid. My first question is why is visitation with his mother unsupervised given the history of severe neglect and the issues you bring up after he sees her? Based only on what you've written, it could be that he is very delayed and possibly has an attachment disorder or that he has always been autistic and was, on top of that, badly neglected. When did your husband and his mother separate? Was he around for his early childhood or the 8 years before the kid was taken away from the mother?

# ¿ Feb 21, 2014 20:43

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Parenting Megathread: Babies are like TARDIS, much bigger on the inside.