Parenting Megathread: Babies are like TARDIS, much bigger on the inside.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Parenting Megathread: Babies are like TARDIS, much bigger on the inside.

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Chicken McNobody posted:

I tried again this weekend to ask him to get out of the house with the kid, maybe go do some activities, at least take a walk once a day. He doesn't see the point of doing activities with an 8-month-old--"he doesn't know what he's looking at and doesn't care"--but I will keep nagging anyway. Frankly I think he needs work. We are going to look at a few job postings this week. All of this will definitely come to a head soon, as he is just sucking the joy out of this whole experience, and on top of that nothing I do is a good idea or will work out or be right and that is really getting to me. Open enrollment is next month, maybe once I get him on my insurance we can afford to send him to talk to someone. Hopefully I can get him to change something subtly and not have to just confront him, as I always just melt down in tears at any kind of confrontation.

I really am at a loss. We've been married almost 6 years and this is the first real problem I've ever had with him, but I almost dread going home in the evenings now.

Why don't you print this out and show it to him. Or write it out just like this and give it to him. He maybe needs to know he's starting to affect the marriage. Hopefully that will inspire him to start getting help.

# ¿ Sep 24, 2012 15:54

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 22:44

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Chicken McNobody posted:

You're right, I said that badly. Sorry hubby

I've tried to present the need to get out of the house both ways--I tried again this weekend to suggest that he must be getting a touch of cabin fever and wouldn't he like to go to the gym or the wildlife refuge or something, and he replied something like "ummmmm...nnnnnnnno, I'm fine here." He did get to go out by himself for a while yesterday to hang out with a friend. Hopefully it did him some good.

Ugggh the more I think about it the more I guess we are going to have to Sit Down and Have A Talk I'm not going to leave him or anything, but the big relationship conversations have never been A Thing We Do. I will have to think about how. Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Don't phrase this like he has a problem. Just say to him something like "I worry that you're not getting enough time to yourself, and that we're not getting enough time with just each other. I miss you and us and I was wondering if you have any ideas on how we can create those special times for each other during the week."

This is will get him and you on the same team. You're putting your heads together to find a solution that will benefit him and you and the marriage. It's not a confrontation, it's a team exercise.

# ¿ Sep 25, 2012 07:01

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Mnemosyne posted:

I just don't see a need to be confrontational about it if I instead have the option to show them that there's evidence that that isn't the best thing to do. Most of them are rational people, and I'd rather educate than alienate.

Here's what will happen: You'll show them the scientific articles and they will say "Harumph! That doesn't prove anything. I have experience. Stop picking up your baby!"

# ¿ Oct 4, 2012 15:23

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Papercut posted:

So a lot of people have recommended "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," but does it ever recommend anything other than Cry It Out? I'm about 100 pages in and it's complete garbage so far.

If you don't think it's going to work for you, that's ok. Not everyone is comfortable with doing Cry It Out.

Try this book instead: The No Cry Sleep Solution

# ¿ Oct 12, 2012 07:08

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Superdawg posted:

This is what I'm dealing with, don't mind the mess. We are in the middle of cleaning house. He can climb these stairs very quickly, so that's why I'm looking around.

For the top of the stairs, I was going to go with a solid board that spans more than the opening, for maximum strength.

Just attach it from the post to the wall. One step for him to climb is fine.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2012 07:11

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Slo-Tek posted:

Here is my sprouts. The older they get, the more clear it becomes that kid big is a clone of me with no genetic input from my wife, and kid little is all wife with no discernable me in there.

robbiegusfall2012 by RReiheld, on Flickr

One of them is named Gus? Because if so, that is the best name! Reminds me of Gus Gus from Cinderella. So adorable!

# ¿ Oct 18, 2012 06:47

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Eggplant Wizard posted:

Thanks for those, and Lyz too. I don't think she's doing any kind of routine at all, really, so I thought it might be a good thing for her to read up on. She said she's tried a schedule but I don't think she's done the sort of sleep routines I see you guys talk about in here, and from what I gather, consistency is pretty important for babies (at least once they're a bit older, but still, better to start now that she's sleeping at all).

My other friends just had their baby last night and I am already smitten I can't wait to see her (of course we are not going to descend upon them immediately- we're thinking December). I haven't gotten to meet the aforementioned three month old either but she lives too far away. Anyway,

I have experience with a baby that wouldn't sleep longer than 30 mins. Have her look into a 90 minute sleep schedule. There's a book on it, but it's pretty simple. Just put the baby down for sleep, when he wakes up, put him down again around 90 minutes later, rinse and repeat. It worked wonders and the baby started getting a lot more sleep.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2012 02:23

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

LuckyDaemon posted:

Hello thread. I am about to fly with my 18 month old, alone. Please kill me.

Or, ideas. I decided not to risk a nighttime flight because if he slept that would be awesome, but if he didn't it would be hell. We're leaving the house at 5:00 AM and I plan to put him to bed at 5:00 PM the night before so he's tanked up on sleep and in a great mood. We should get into our new destination around noon thirty.

So far I have snacks...and that's it. We don't have a portable DVD player and I've actually tried to get him to watch a little TV before (bad mommy), but he's not interested. Because he hates sitting still.

He's flying as a lap infant, no flaming please. Has anyone done this before? I just feel so much dread when I think about it.

Other's have great ideas for the kid, but if you want to avoid people being bitchy, you may want to buy a lot of ear plugs and let people know you're giving them out for free and that you're sorry if she cries, etc.

# ¿ Nov 26, 2012 00:47

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Acrolos posted:

Yes, we have tried to swaddle, but that makes her much more agitated than simply laying her down without. She is a very "kicky" baby and will throw a fit until she gets her legs free.

One of the best swaddles I found was the double swaddle. Easy and fast to do, leaves the legs free but secures the arms really nicely. Give it a try. Here's a link to the Youtube on how to do it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOnsKlluHIg

Here's a link to the swaddles they are using in the video-big muslin swaddles: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_10?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=muslin+swaddle+blankets&sprefix=muslin+swa%2Caps%2C294

Also, I recommend getting a baby sling. It's super easy to use. You don't have to learn how to wrap it like a mobi or anything like that. You and your wife can both wear it as it's very easy to adjust the size. Just wrap the baby and snuggle her into the sling.
http://www.amazon.com/Sears-Adjusta...&keywords=Sling

Also, read this book - "The Happiest Baby on the Block". You don't have to agree with the science behind the method, but the method does work. You can skip over the beginning about the why and get to the nitty gritty about HOW. Again, easy to learn and super effective.
http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby...by+on+the+block

Good luck. You're still in the 4th trimester. Things WILL get better even if they seem like they never will. You and your wife need to make a concerted effort to split watching the kid. Take 4 hour shifts so you guys are getting at least SOME sleep. You don't have to sleep together right now. That will come back, but do what you need to survive right now.

Hope all this helps. You're gonna be fine!

# ¿ Apr 3, 2013 15:38

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Acrolos posted:

I'm a first time parent of a six week old, and looking for some advice from those of you who have dealt with a similar situation. The problem? Jealous Grandparents.

We have three sets of grandparents

1. My mother
2. My wives mother and father
3. My father and step-mother

The problem is my mother. She is insanely jealous, especially of my step-mother. Over the first few weeks, we've asked people to take care of our child a few times, mostly for just an hour or two at a time to deal with some issues. My mom has only been asked once, and she makes it a point to bring up how "hurt" she is that we will not allow her to watch our child. The problem is that my mom works and my step-mother doesn't, and each time my step-mother has taken care of our child, it's been during the day. When my wives mother and father have watched the child (they live about an hour away), it's been a couple times on Saturday nights, when they volunteered to watch our child to allow us to attend a local art show and a dinner with some friends.

On top of that, my mother is the only one of this group who smokes, so my child is not allowed to be in her house, because it absolutely reeks.

These things add together to make my mom the most frustrating person to be around. Each time I see her, it balloons into an argument about us not wanting her to see our child. This isn't true, and she probably sees her at least as much as anyone else.

There have been very valid reasons for us to have asked other people to watch her the other times, but she refuses to see this, and at this point, I'm honestly so tired of dealing with her that I considering asking her to just stay away for a while. I am not a good father on the days that I deal with my mom, because she gets me so worked up with the constant arguing. As I said to her the last time, I already have one child and don't have the time to deal with another.

To be completely honest, she is the least responsible of the groups that I've mentioned. My step-mother is young and in good health, and my father is in relatively good health. My wives mother is a nurse and she always keeps our child with my wives husband. My mom on the other is a diabetic who has had periods of really high or low spikes, she is a smoker, and she is notoriously unreliable (when we've asked her to do minor things in the past, like check in our dogs when we're out of town for a day, it's hit or miss whether she will actually do it or not). With all of that said, we make an effort to have her see our baby as much as possible, and the one time she kept her was a manufactured event (she is unaware of this) by my wife and I, just to give her an opportunity to keep her at a time where she was able.

I am completely at my wits end on this one. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Your mother is a drama queen. You have perfectly valid reasons for not letting her take care of the kid in her home. If you can, invite her over to watch the child at your house while you and wife get some sleep or go shopping or out to dinner or whatever. But not at her house. And tell her exactly why. Tell her her house reeks because of her smoking so the kid can't go over there, but definitely invite her to watch the child for limited amounts of time at your own house.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2013 16:09

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

FishBulb posted:

Does anyone have a recommendation for a good sturdy umbrella style stroller for slightly taller than average people? We have one but we hate it because both my wife and I have to bend over slightly to push it. Something with taller handles or adjustable would be great.

I'm 6 even. Have this one. It's great.
http://www.amazon.com/The-First-Yea...brella+stroller

# ¿ May 27, 2013 15:59

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Oxford Comma posted:

Have any of you ever just blown up at your four-year old? Because I did and I feel awful about it. But, some poo poo just needed to be said. Still, I feel like a horrible parent.

Read this and realize you're not alone and you're not a horrible parent. Kids have an inate ability to press the right buttons.
http://deadspin.com/never-give-your-kid-a-cold-shower-advice-from-the-wors-512686828

# ¿ Jul 1, 2013 06:11

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Drop that kid a wicked pile driver. He'll stop acting up.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2013 14:58

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

VorpalBunny posted:

Last year, I found an awesome dinosaur costume at the local Goodwill for $6, and my kid still fits in it so he's wearing it again this year. My daughter will be wearing the cow jacket I found for $5. I will wear a hat covered in dangly eyeballs that was purchased for $10. Thrift stores are the best!

You gotta be careful with that dinosaur costume. There's power in it.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/10/menace.html

# ¿ Oct 5, 2013 08:34

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Istari posted:

Generally, we do not restart the timer, it's 4 minutes all up. But on one occasion, we decided to see how long she would keep it up, and we got over 50 minutes. She didn't even seem to notice; just kept laughing.

You're not doing it right then. It's not just 4 minutes and if she gets up, oh well. It's 4 minutes total. If she gets up, it restarts. She went a long time once. Keep it up and eventually the time out game will get old for her. Being placed on time out over and over and over again until she sits for 4 minutes, no matter how long it takes to get to that 4 minutes.

Effectively, you're making her sit for 5 seconds, letting her run around for 2 minutes and then she has to sit for 30 more seconds. That's not how timeout works. If she gets up, restart the timer. Explain to her it's being reset and will continue to be reset until she gives you 4 minutes total all at once. If it takes her an hour to do it all, that's HER issue. Let her know that.

Dear Prudence fucked around with this message at 07:58 on Dec 20, 2013

# ¿ Dec 20, 2013 07:55

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 22:44

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

momtartin posted:

Any tips for getting a toddler to sleep in her own bed? I had no problems with this up until last night, as she always went down in her bed no problem, and woke up and came over to my room in the morning to snuggle a little in my bed. We spent maybe a few minutes in there cuddling then got out and started our day.

Then all of a sudden last night she starts saying "sleep in daddy's bed" (Her mom and I aren't together) stating her bed was too dark. I put some night lights in there last night (two), showed her where they were, and told her I would be in the other room, and then put her to bed. All was great, and then 10 minutes in screaming occurred, and I had a heart attack because I thought something was wrong. She's in there just crying and screaming my name, and I couldn't calm her down at all (though I would thought she would maybe come get me since she's able to get out of her room on her own). She kept screaming "Daddy's bed" and so after 20 minutes of her crying horribly, I caved and put her in. I put her back in her bed an hour later, but then she came into my room about 5 AM or so (after a random scream to scare the poo poo out of me at 3 AM) to get into my bed and fall back asleep.

Thinking tonight would be better, as she didn't have her nap today and would crash easily, I tried to get her to bed sooner.

Nope, same result. I'm hoping she stays in her bed tonight, but not 100% confident.

I don't know where this came from, and I have never had issues before with this. Any ideas?

You're going to have to be firm and consistent. She needs to stay in her own bed and you have to keep putting her back into it if she gets up. If she does the deranged screaming and crying, just soothe her there in her bed. It may take 10 mins, it may take an hour, but she will eventually either A) calm down or B) become too exhausted to cry anymore and go to sleep. It sucks super giant balls, but if you don't want her in your bed you have to stop this now and stop it outright. No giving in for "just one night" cause it will just be a green light to her for all other nights and then she'll be even more confused because you said this was okay just yesterday. Sorry man, hope it works itself out fast.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2015 20:15

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