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OMFG PTSD LOL PBUH
Sep 9, 2001

psydude posted:

Officers generally don't get second chances when they gently caress up like that.

do whaaaaaat?

I guess you inhabit some real buddyfucker corner of the military that I've never encountered because seriously, this isn't even a speedbump for the vast majority of officers out there..

your life as an O must suck serious dick if that's the case

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calmasahinducow
Oct 31, 2004
i am a pirate of the high seas

JakeB posted:

Let's talk about 1LT Fred. The LT graduated first in his class out of OCS, so they made him 1LT.

I am most confused about this part of the story. That's not how it works.

psydude
Apr 1, 2008

Heartache is powerful, but democracy is *subtle*.

Shimazu posted:

do whaaaaaat?

I guess you inhabit some real buddyfucker corner of the military that I've never encountered because seriously, this isn't even a speedbump for the vast majority of officers out there..

your life as an O must suck serious dick if that's the case

It's pretty widespread, dude. If you're in a command/platoon leader position and you gently caress up, you're done in that position and you'll be able to enjoy all of the fun that comes with being on the battalion staff.

Booblord Zagats
Oct 30, 2011


Pork Pro

calmasahinducow posted:

I am most confused about this part of the story. That's not how it works.

Its not unheard of. They popped 1LT on my brother on his last day at TBS

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW

Shimazu posted:

do whaaaaaat?

I guess you inhabit some real buddyfucker corner of the military that I've never encountered because seriously, this isn't even a speedbump for the vast majority of officers out there..

your life as an O must suck serious dick if that's the case

I'm with you on this one. When I was an XO I had a PL cover up an ND (into a clearing barrel, which is a whole nother rant from me but anyway) of one of his dudes, and when it came out he got relieved. Still got another platoon in a different squadron after some rehab time in the 3-shop though. Then his replacement - no poo poo - ND'd himself into a clearing barrel about a week after taking over. He just got a letter of reprimand (local) from the squadron CDR.

Then there was my company FSO when I was a PL. Kaliber remembers this exemplary officer. He was a giant tool just in general, and really good at making horrible decisions. He had this "hot" (not hot) German blonde girlfriend who my PSG wanted to gently caress really bad. So my PSG arranged to go out drinking with her one night on the second week of summer block leave. FSO got wind of it and the three went out together. FSO was the DD, but chose to instead get horribly wasted by drinking shot after shot of something. PSG decided to drive them home even though he was drunk too. They got pulled over by the Polezei outside a McDonald's, and FSO reacted by screaming at them and calling them Nazis, and saying "My granpa kiled Nazis in WWII, and I'm gonna kill some too!" He signed the police statement with a swastika instead of his name. A backwards swastika, to make things worse.

FSO got reprimanded (GOMAR) and moved to the 3-shop. My PSG was a SSG and got busted down to SGT and relieved. He was a loving fantastic NCO, but obviously made some dumb choices in his personal life. He's doing well now, moved to Lewis and I think he's an SSG (P) now.

A few weeks after this debacle, FSO got PRK. His stupid loving kraut gf was driving him around, and they bought gas on post. Because they're both loving idiots, they drove off without paying. Another GOMAR, and this time the general (JMRC CDR) decided to pull strings to make him nonpromotable. When I finally saw him again in Afghanistan after I had been a CPT for two months and he was still wearing 1LT bar despite being the same YG, I burst out laughing. I think he figured out at that point that I didn't like him.

The last awesome thing I heard from him through a buddy is that he said "I can't wait to get out of the Army, I've always wanted to try heroin." He was apparently dead serious. He's outta the Army now, and sure enough never made it past 1LT. I have no idea what him and his retarded kraut wife (yup they got hitched) are doing now and I couldn't possibly give a gently caress.

vacation in kabul
Dec 6, 2009

by Y Kant Ozma Post
At division if you were an officer and you weren't the FSCOORD or his deputy you were either put there for being retarded or trying desperately to get out. We had an O-3 come to our section after being relieved of command for lying about some property book accountability bullshit and then apparently doing horrible in a staff job. The guy was one of the most annoying, incompetent motherfuckers I have ever met in my whole entire life. He never completed a single task he was assigned, he listened to tons of AM right-wing talk radio and constantly argued about gun rights and other right-wing talking points, and above all was a complete and utter moron who failed spectacularly at life. His highlights included:

- Playing an excel-based video game on the deputy's SIPR computer. Once the IA folks in G6 found out about it they confiscated the deputy's laptop during our most important exercise.
- Masturbating in his office in Iraq.
- Getting caught having visited porn sites in his office on a commercial line by yours truly and my supervisor and somehow getting away with it.
- Generally loving everything up and getting assigned to be the OIC of a section that drove around VIPs and served them coffee.

Despite all of that I watched him get promoted to Major. Good job Army.

I also worked with this guy:

http://www.armytimes.com/news/2012/10/army-major-gets-30-days-forfeits-6-months-pay-100312/

Cool guy, but definitely sort of an idiot.

Flying_Crab
Apr 12, 2002



Confiscating his laptop for playing Excel games? Lol.

Armyman25
Sep 6, 2005

Martello posted:

I'm with you on this one. When I was an XO I had a PL cover up an ND (into a clearing barrel, which is a whole nother rant from me but anyway) of one of his dudes, and when it came out he got relieved. Still got another platoon in a different squadron after some rehab time in the 3-shop though. Then his replacement - no poo poo - ND'd himself into a clearing barrel about a week after taking over. He just got a letter of reprimand (local) from the squadron CDR.

Never understood why they'd hem someone up for an ND into a clearing barrel. Isn't that what they're for?

Snowdens Secret
Dec 29, 2008
Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.
It sounds like one guy got his pecker slapped for ND'ing (which is dumb) and the other guy got far worse for a coverup/lying (which is a whole different kind of dumb)

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



Armyman25 posted:

Never understood why they'd hem someone up for an ND into a clearing barrel. Isn't that what they're for?

They're there to make sure an ND doesn't kill or wound someone. You're still a loving idiot and not following procedure at all if you ND into one.

3 DONG HORSE
May 22, 2008

I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

If college students are generally viewed as morons, why does everyone expect officers to be exceptionally more squared away? They go to the same basic training soooo :iiam:

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW

Armyman25 posted:

Never understood why they'd hem someone up for an ND into a clearing barrel. Isn't that what they're for?

Yeah but if you actually shoot into one you're an idiot.

Mr. Nice! posted:

They're there to make sure an ND doesn't kill or wound someone. You're still a loving idiot and not following procedure at all if you ND into one.

Right. If you're too loving dumb to actually clear your own weapon yourself before you pull the bolt back and let SGT So-And-So look at the chamber, then you deserve at least a LoC if nothing else. Drop the mag, pull the charging handle back, observe the round leave the chamber. If nothing comes out you take a deep breath and do it all again. This time really loving look in the chamber. It's not hard.

Snowdens Secret posted:

It sounds like one guy got his pecker slapped for ND'ing (which is dumb) and the other guy got far worse for a coverup/lying (which is a whole different kind of dumb)

Pretty much exactly. I didn't disagree with any of it.

not caring here
Feb 22, 2012

blazemastah 2 dry 4 u
Gather 'round, children, and let me tell you a story about a basic training scrub who was kicked out in his second last week of OSUT.

Toadie - which was his name, but I'm sure the spelling was wrong, was an interesting motherfucker. And by interesting I mean weird. Thankfully he wasn't in my squad but boy did we hear about him.

Toadie had not masturbated before. Not once. He was rather proud of this, at his 19 years of age. Never having busted a nut before, he was ready to go and shoot non-Christians (his words) over in the desert somewhere (also his words). Unfortunately, military life was not for Toadie.

He was also one of those dudes that was built to be one of those PT success stories in the army; long legs for all that pointless running, rake thin with short arms and a short body for pushups and situps. He was, however, not a PT stud. Not even close. This was evidenced one day when one drill sergeant convinced him to touch another drill sergeant's hat. There comes the shark attack and the smoking. Did you know that an apparent side effect of a bunch of 8 count pushups and then Y-squats makes you poo poo your pants? No, neither did I, but that didn't stop Toadie.

Life for him remains relatively uneventful, except for quick little extra smokings for him every so often. He squeals like a 10 year old girl getting beaten with hammers when he does anything that sounds like physical activity. It sounded like a dude was dying, and when everyone realized he was just a bitch, it was just plain hilarious.

Half way through basic, someone obviously convinces he should just go beat his meat. So he does. Shoots his load into a wadded up piece of toilet paper... then shows his squad leader with a huge poo poo eating grin on his face, even when he freaks out and threatens to beat his rear end. He just wanders off and shows a bunch of other people, for whatever reason.

It's quite clear at this point, Toadie isn't exactly all there. He's borderline retarded, is clearly lacking in any kind of social ability. The reason for this is starting to become clear through correspondence with my wife. Our unit has set up some kind of facebook page so the families can keep in contact with their kids, families can talk amongst themselves as fuckin' moral support or some poo poo. So, Toadie gets set up as a platoon leader for a day. A single day. Basically as a joke and an excuse to smoke him to squeal like a girl. He writes this big rant of a letter home, and lo and behold, my wife sends me a letter and lets me know that there's been family drama. Toadie's mother has got on the facebook page, and starts talking major poo poo. Oh, your son got fired from the platoon leader slot cause he was a piece of poo poo, and my son is obviously 10 times better than yours. Then proceeds to get the rest of her cracker, white trash fuckin' family on the facebook page to wage war with all these people who are just being normal. Then the next day Toadie sends a big sob story letter about how he was fired, and it was so unfair, and everyone's picking on him, blah blah blah, which sends his white trash following into a wild rage. They are then banned from the facebook page. I let everyone know what is happening, and much laughter is had.

Toadie gets upset with someone about all his angsty bullshit, and as it turns out, it's another borderline retard shut in. The retard battle is grade fuckin' A. Toadie thought it was gonna be an easy fight cause this other kid was much smaller, but he got Toadie and smashed him into a wall locker, and gave him a bunch of body shots. Toadie, not to be embarrassed in front of his fellows, decides to fight dirty and bites him. Bites him hard enough to draw a steady stream of blood. Guy gets upset, throws him off back into the wall locker. Toadie falls, his adversary grabs him by the head and knees him right in the forehead. Dazed and confused, people break up the fight. Toadie has this egg sized bruise in the middle of his forehead for the next 2 weeks, and when questioned, claims he ran into a door.

And this point his resolve has started to weaken, so he goes to sick call, claiming something wrong with his leg, or ankle, or something. Bitches and moans and goes back every morning until they put him on a heavy duty profile with crutches. He's pretty happy these days, just sitting around doing fuckin' nothing. Something happens one day, running back into the barracks to escape a smoking, and he tucks his crutches under his arm and runs full tilt, leaning into a corner and a top speed gallop, right in front of the drill sergeant. They are talking about chaptering him, but somehow he skates by.

We're out at an FTX, and he's been busted wearing his IBA without plates, and running his ruck light as gently caress. He has to wear his IBA with plates at all time, even when in the big group tent. He walks outside for some reason, no IBA on. He gets the rear end in a top hat smoked out of him, his bitch screams echoing across the camp, everyone laughing.

So we get onto driving tanks around a closed course. It ain't hard, and a couple of guys show some real talent driving these tanks fast as gently caress on the road course. These people were not Toadie. He creeps around the course at 10 miles an hour, weaving back and forth all over the place like an crazy woman's poo poo, the TC screaming at him for being a god drat idiot the entire time. When it comes time to park it, he doesn't even want him to do that. Just to pull up near the other tanks, and he will take it from there. Stop Toadie. Stop Toadie. STOP TOADIE. HOLY gently caress STOP THE loving TANK TOADIE. Alas, Toadie forget what the brake is (the brake pedal, just like a car) and smashes one tank into another. Front skirt meets front skirt, and a lot of damage is done. He's in trouble for this, but it's coming up to about 3 weeks out, so they really don't want to kick him out.

Okay, so final PT test is done, he has passed - barely. We've got M9 qual that day, then off for a week long FTX, then we are motherfucking done. During the M9 qual, Toadie, for some reason, could not understand the concept of the slide release catch. But he would never slingshot it, oh no. He would use some kind of gimpy backhanded kind of way to rack the weapon, and at the same time points it at a drill sergeant.

He's warned once. He does it again. He's warned twice. And this time, he does it again, safety off, mag in, finger on the trigger, right at the drill sergeant. Drill sergeant loses his poo poo, and is holding a half meter diameter wooden range card, and smashes it over his head. Range card is in pieces, Toadie skids about three feet on his face into the dirt, M9 goes flying. The CO sees this, and with 2 weeks to go, flips his poo poo, throws him in the duty truck, and chapters his rear end. Toadie is off to the house, where he will no longer have a chance to shoot non-Christians over in the desert somewhere.

Cest la vie, Toadie. Cest la vie.

Snowdens Secret
Dec 29, 2008
Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.
You guys's boot camp sounds way more awesome than ours. Driving tanks???

Flying_Crab
Apr 12, 2002



Lol, this makes me fear ever going anywhere that isn't a MI company.

Although I'd drive the poo poo out of a tank if I could.

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

Just as long as your TC can direct you. You can't see poo poo with the hatch closed.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

psydude posted:

Officers generally don't get second chances when they gently caress up like that.

AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


AHAHAHAHAHAHA

OH gently caress I'M DYIN

Oxford Comma
Jun 26, 2011
Oxford Comma: Hey guys I want a cool big dog to show off! I want it to be ~special~ like Thor but more couch potato-like because I got babbies in the house!
Everybody: GET A LAB.
Oxford Comma: OK! (gets a a pit/catahoula mix)

Snowdens Secret posted:

You guys's boot camp sounds way more awesome than ours. Driving tanks???

He mentioned OSUT so I'm guessing they were tankers.

not caring here
Feb 22, 2012

blazemastah 2 dry 4 u
Correct. The better part of armor.

I was horrified going through basic, so many people that you wouldn't trust living next door to you, are trusted with weapons now.

vacation in kabul
Dec 6, 2009

by Y Kant Ozma Post

DoktorLoken posted:

Confiscating his laptop for playing Excel games? Lol.

Our IA dudes were dickheads, but the big thing was that he knew he wasn't supposed to have it, he played it on our Deputy's SIPR despite never being told to do any work in his office (we had like 15 SIPR computers), and of course the Deputy's computer went missing for like three days while IA "examined" it. He got loving rocked for that poo poo.

3 DONG HORSE
May 22, 2008

I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

Wrong thread. drat phone app

Snowdens Secret
Dec 29, 2008
Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.
We had a guy get caught blazing the reactor pre-startup valve lineup (I forget the formal name.) This is a Big Deal. He ended up getting caught because he hadn't even remembered to fake the radiological contamination surveys required as a consequence of the lineup (you open things up that might be contaminated in order to see valves.) This loses him a chevron but mysteriously does not get him de-nuked.

The entire department is up forward at department-level training, in port, which means the only people in the engine room are the shutdown reactor operator and the engine room roving watch. This guy is standing roving watch. Naval Reactors decides to pay a visit, walks past the department training in progress, and finds this guy at the M-Div workbench, playing Freecell on the laptop. He may or may not have tried to claim he wasn't on watch. That got him de-nuked.

Squirrel Knight
Nov 8, 2004

Lipstick Apathy
All the below happened in my company:

NDs into the clearing barrel: check (once the CO does it and gets away with it, nobody gives a flying gently caress oddly enough).

SAW ND not into the clearing barrel: check (IMO that dude was too stupid to use an open bolt weapon)

Crashing vehicles: a tanker's right of passage (on a personal note, I lost track of how many times I hit poo poo I was not supposed to with *insert name of vehicle here* and I was actually a very good delta.

Porn on the SIPR computer is only funny when the banned USB drive infects it: check (this happened a lot)

Porn on the NIPR computer resulting in infection from the USB drive is not funny at all because S6 is pissed off at your company and takes a long time to fix it: check

Still drunk from the night before: check (it is ONLY an offense if you cannot perform PT). Puking = showing good effort.

Improper but safe enough handling of ordinance: check

Destroying equipment by being a retard or in rage: check

Setting things on fire, or setting things on fire that needed to be set on fire with a lot more fire than needed: check

Smoking in vehicles: check

Setting off the halon system from smoking in the vehicle: check

Using unauthorized freqs on MBITRS around the patrol base: check (I am really sorry for all you citizens of Baghdad who turned into 107.3 light dirka dirka and got high pitched squealing sounds)

In my company, the only known ways to get an Art. 15 were to piss hot, DUI, beat someone else to near death, or screw another Soldier's wife. On exactly 2 occasions was someone so drunk in the morning they could not at least sham in PT. By "at least sham" I mean that bailing from formation to go puke was fine, but mouthing off and being a retard was not. Both incidences resulted in CO and Top yelling at them and telling the CQ NCO to drive them to the MPs. Then CO and Top would "realize" that it was PT time and cars were not allowed to be used. I think the worst company command punishment dealt out was lawn mowing on Saturday with an IBA. You really had to gently caress up to get this.

Ultimate Shrek Fan
May 2, 2005

by FactsAreUseless

aidsMONKEY posted:

Setting off the halon system from smoking in the vehicle: check

Did anybody die? Halon systems are serious poo poo.

Squirrel Knight
Nov 8, 2004

Lipstick Apathy

Pufflekins posted:

Did anybody die? Halon systems are serious poo poo.

Yes, they are only if you get hit and have an incapacitated crew and suffocate. If they go off by malfunction or human error, it is really not that eventful. Aside from the initial confusion of what just went boom, the easiest way to not die from suffocation is to simply open whatever hatch or door/ramp you entered the vehicle from, windows if you have them, and turn on the turret blower/nbc system if you have that. If your voice starts to change and you feel dizzy after said measures are taken, hold your head closer to the hatch/door/ramp/window/vent.

What you never want to do with halon systems is try to manually discharge a halon bottle when it is not mounted in the PLL office. We had one mechanic do this twice. Thankfully nobody was hurt, but from what I am told (I was not there) they go off like a rocket.

Admiral Bosch
Apr 19, 2007
Who is Admiral Aken Bosch, and what is that old scoundrel up to?
this thread is full of impossibly gay acronyms

Hekk
Oct 12, 2012

'smeper fi

Admiral Bosch posted:

this thread is full of impossibly gay acronyms

My favorite is the nuke story. I got about half a sentence in before I realized that Debel Dawgs have absolutely no idea what the gently caress squids are yapping about. The saddest thing is that I don't think there were any acronyms in the post.

grumplestiltzkin
Jun 7, 2012

Ass, gas, or grass. No one rides for free.
Plenty of stupid things happen subs, but since we're hidden from the world the amount of poo poo we can get away with is staggering. I can't really say much about this, but we once had to cut a bouy off of the sail. We got so up in another countires grill that we had to surface, at night with no lights on, send a couple of divers up, and physically cut the ropes that were tangled around the sail off. Keep in mind, this was not in friendly water. Punishment for the OOD? :lol: no, that would require us to admit where we were/what happened.

We had our old nav leave out TS information. We violated reactor safety (resulting in the CO, ENG, and several divisional chiefs getting fired). An entire working party fell overboard, because they tried to grab each other one after another to save each other, forming a human domino chain (loving hilarious to watch). Our COB got so blasted in a foreign port that he was kicked out of a bar by another e-9, went back to the boat and pissed his rack. Electrical generators got blown up because leads weren't reinstalled. 3" pipe threads were completely sheared off when reverse threaded fittings were rotated counter clockwise to remove them (required 6 feet of cheater bar). A guy once demonstrated that he could fit the loop of a masterlock through his cock piercing, only to have his "friend" steal the key and run off, leaving Mr. Lockcock stuck in the TR on watch for 5 more hours.

Ah, subfleet:allears:

Snowdens Secret posted:

We had a guy get caught blazing the reactor pre-startup valve lineup (I forget the formal name.) This is a Big Deal. He ended up getting caught because he hadn't even remembered to fake the radiological contamination surveys required as a consequence of the lineup (you open things up that might be contaminated in order to see valves.) This loses him a chevron but mysteriously does not get him de-nuked.

The entire department is up forward at department-level training, in port, which means the only people in the engine room are the shutdown reactor operator and the engine room roving watch. This guy is standing roving watch. Naval Reactors decides to pay a visit, walks past the department training in progress, and finds this guy at the M-Div workbench, playing Freecell on the laptop. He may or may not have tried to claim he wasn't on watch. That got him de-nuked.

op2 oh god why do i still remember this i was trying to foget:cry:

Hekk posted:

My favorite is the nuke story. I got about half a sentence in before I realized that Debel Dawgs have absolutely no idea what the gently caress squids are yapping about. The saddest thing is that I don't think there were any acronyms in the post.

I know all of the military is bad about TLAs, but there is literally an acronym in the navy, where one of the letters is another acronym (SPMIG: Standard PMS MAterial Identification Guide, PMS: Planned Maintenance System), and once you get into nuke stuff you can have entire conversations that are nothing but tech/procedure references.

grumplestiltzkin fucked around with this message at 22:27 on Dec 25, 2012

KetTarma
Jul 25, 2003

Suffer not the lobbyist to live.
Can't Handle It!
Once I had a student fail his preliminary electric plant operations practical. In 3 years, I only saw that happened once. Of course, he would be the student assigned to me.

I'm sitting in my office when my student comes in with his face extremely red and tears running down his face. I ask him what's wrong and he explains that he failed his EPTEX. Of course, the first question I ask is "How?" He tells me that he didn't know what to do. Keep in mind that this is after over a year of training leading up to this point.

"Well, you knew it was coming up, had several lectures that covered the material, and were told to sit in the hands-on trainer until you felt comfortable. What happened?" "I don't know, I just sat there until they made me leave." "Did you.. uh.. do anything?" "No, they tried to tell me what to do but I just couldn't do anything so I sat there."

At this point, he's crying again. I guess being hand-held through how to turn a knob or switch was too stressful to the point that he locked up. I asked him what the plan was from here. He tells me that he's scheduled to have training watch with me tomorrow on the roving electrician watchstation. I give him a list of things to study so he'll be well prepared and he goes on his way, still a mess.

The next day I get in to work to find out that my student went down to medical and told the doc that he was going to drive his car into a tree. He spent a week under observation and then the next two months handwaxing floors on all of the barges before they sent him to the fleet without an NEC. This is called "going sad" and is one of the only ways to get out of nuke school.

And then I realized I was saying oh poo poo

MM3 White (namechanged) was something of a shitshow. In a particularly unimpressive class, he was lagging behind other students. It wasn't to the point that we were particularly concerned that he wouldn't graduate but it required a little extra effort on our part to keep him on track. White had the usual disciplinary problems. Showing up late, uniform problems, whatever.

One day a staff member finds him sleeping in his car at a very odd hour. We discover that he was thrown out of his new place for stealing and he has a grand total of 53 cents to his name. How did he end up living out of his car? Well, he managed to spend the entirety of his bank account taking a local girl to Disney and buying her season passes. That's what he tells us. Asking him roommates, they tell us that not only is he broke, he's been stealing from other students and pawning it.

This will not do. We give him a stern talking to and get him housed with another student that volunteers to take him in. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be.

Some time passes and White keeps getting caught sleeping in class. He gets handed to the leading petty officer for the division because he's becoming "a special case."
Finally, it all comes to a head when his old staff advisor is peeing and hears snores coming from a stall. He peeks through the door and sees White curled up on the toilet sleeping. He's pretty mad by this and walks outside the bathroom. It just so happens that a bunch of us (including a chief or two) were walking by. He vents to us about what he's found and says he's about to wake up White. The LPO, a huge bodybuilder type, gets the roid-rage and runs in. We hear a loud crash followed by screaming. White is pulled out and into the middle of a dozen staff members that had all congregated outside of the bathroom. I can only imagine that he was terrified.
This would not be the best part of the night. Sometime later, a security alert is called away for the site. Nuke school has Very Serious security since we're an operational nuclear power plant with submarines. My chief gets called to come to the pier. On the pier, White is under armed guard from the security force. He was spotted by a guard tower swimming around one of the submarines. My chief asked him what the gently caress he was doing. White responds "I was standing on the pier looking at the submarine then I heard a splash and heard someone say 'oh poo poo.' I looked in the water and saw my [classified] book in the water and realized that I had said 'oh poo poo' so I jumped in the river. I don't know what happened after that"

I can't remember if he had manage to get his book or if they had to send in divers after it. Yeah, sometimes we send in divers to get things dropped in the water by students.

White was finally written up for all of his various problems after that. He gets sent to XOI and recommended for captain's mast. He shows up to his captain's mast in his dress uniform but my chief notices that parts of it are missing. He's yelling at White when he smells booze. "Are you drunk?" "A little..." They breathalyze him and he blows well over the limit. As an added bonus, he's 19 and drove in. My chief tells the captain what's happened. The CO leaned back in his chair and said "Welp, let's redo this in a few hours. I want every single possible charge added in." White is no longer in the Navy.

Babby nukes are weird.
Nukes are weird. Student nukes are worse since the completely mal-adjusted ones haven't self-selected out yet. I have had students that did not understand basic hygiene. On the ship I had someone that I wrote a page13 for so that an E-7 or above had to witness him shower at least every other day to include checking for use of soap and shampoo. I had a student that had his car stolen by another student that graduated and moved. The student was too introverted to bring up the fact that his car was stolen and just wrote it off. We found out about it from his roommate during a casual conversation. It took about one day to contact the CO of the graduated student and get the car brought back with the other guy in the brig. I had a student ask me where to buy watches once. He wasn't asking for suggestions. He was genuinely puzzled as to where one would make such a purchase. I asked him if he got out much. "Well, my roommates buy all the food and make it for me. I guess the only place I go other than my room is if my neighbor (another student) is playing Dungeons and Dragons"

I'll post more later if there's interest.

RCK-101
Feb 19, 2008

If a recruiter asks you to become a nuclear sailor.. you say no
...see at least he got that far, we had a guy who literally went sad in week 1 of prototype., but drat, that MM3 story is just.. how did he make it that far without red flags?

KetTarma
Jul 25, 2003

Suffer not the lobbyist to live.
We had a disgruntled security guy come in on his off day, check out an M16 from the armory without any paperwork, go to the flagpole, and shoot himself in the head right before colors. That was pretty scary since he easily could've unloaded it on everyone else first. Some members of the chain of command got replaced over that one.

Boom
My commanding officer got relieved after an electrician decided to not check to make sure a switchboard was deenergized and shoved a shorting probe into it. This had the effect of taking a high voltage current coming directly off of a generator and short circuit it through the probe to the floor. About an inch of metal was completely vaporized as the switchboard exploded. This caused a massive safety standdown. The culprit was saved by his PPE at least. It pretty well ended his career though. We ended up having to assign someone to go around the clock and empty one of the wet bilges out with a bucket while the switchboards were down for repair. That was a lot of fun.

Boom2
If you don't completely reinstall every part of a generator, and leave bits of it dangling free, it might vaporize a few cubic inches of steel and require quite a lot of repair. Saying "I thought the other guy re-installed those brushes" does not make for a good excuse though "I was tired from being awake for 2 days" does help a little. Well, it makes people feel a little bad for you, at least.

Puggles
Petty Officer Puggles, as I called him, was a weird guy. I called him puggles because he was very curious, excitable, and dumb. I had a puggle when I met him and he reminded me of my dog which is probably the best compliment I can give him. Well, he did try -very hard- so I can give him some credit for that.
Some interesting facts:
Petty Officer Puggles was a member of a cult. He tithed a large percentage of his money to a preacher back home. His church had been expelled from the southern baptist convention for being too extreme. Think over that. Too conservative for southern baptists. I'm pretty open-minded about religion but he took it a bit too far. He believed that every version of the bible except for the King James 1600 version had been corrupted by a literal Satan to confuse true believers. Despite being fully aware of radioactivity, carbon dating, and nuclear physics, he believed in a 6000 year old earth. No part of the bible was not to be taken literally.
I once had to give him a very, very stern talking to about gays. While on the duty van with two semi-closeted gays, he launched into a diatribe about how he feels bad for gays because they were destined to burn in eternal hellfire for their sinful ways. One of the hell-bound homosexuals in question came to relieve us very upset about this. Needless to say, it was a very uncomfortable conversation. "Yes, I know you think they're going to hell but you can't SAY that." "I'm just teaching the truth. It might save them from going to hell." "But you can't DO that." "It's what God wants" "You know that you could get discharged for inciting hate speech for this if one of them wanted to push the issue, right?" "But they're the sinners!"

That was how arguing with him was. Oddly enough, he knocked up his girlfriend out of wedlock. Asked about this, he said that he was a dirty sinner and was trying to repent. They got married. She miscarried the next day. I kind of think she lied about being pregnant since Puggles was very naive about the world.

Moving on, Puggles was capable of memorizing facts but not applying them. He could recite the procedural steps for doing various things but could not actually perform them. In a nuclear power plant, this is scary. It got to the point that a senior electrician (usually me) had to be there to monitor him whenever he was on watch. After several major mistakes, he was forbidden from actually doing anything. If anything electrical had to occur, an off watch electrician would be sent back aft to relieve him, perform the operation, then be relieved by him. We gave him hours of training but nothing would stick. Even simple tasks like "hang these rubber mats" would take him ages to perform (The record was 45 minutes to figure out how to hang up a 4 string rubber mat around a circuit box)

My favorite Puggle moment was when we were working on a major high voltage system. He dropped a plastic cap into a hole filled with energized electrical gear while we were doing an energized-gear inspection. This isn't a huge deal. We backed out and sent a runner to get some tape and an insulated stick. It's not the ideal way to retrieve something but it's probably the safest. We relax and wait. I looked over to see Puggles grab a 2 foot long metal wrench out of the nearby toolchest and try to shove it into the hole. Cue four people screaming at him to get the gently caress away. Remember the exploding switchboard? This would've been the same thing. Despite being an E-5 nuclear trained electrician, he thought that shoving a 2 foot long metal wrench into what was effectively an energized high voltage switchboard to somehow fish out a plastic cap was a good idea. Despite all of this, he's still around. He's gotten a little better over time but drat, he's nearly broken everything at least once.

Snowdens Secret
Dec 29, 2008
Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.
We had guys go sad in Power School, but anyone with sense who wanted out dropped a rainbow chit. We had more rainbow chits than any other command in the Navy, by a big margin. I don't know if that's even a thing any more.

movax
Aug 30, 2008

Forget killing babies, how does our military let literal retards near nuclear power plants and other high power industrial equipment? :psyduck:

At least they're not making it out into the fleet but still, holy poo poo.

Was it this forum that had the story about the narcoleptic dude driving a bus full of dudes off a dock?

Flying_Crab
Apr 12, 2002



I've gotta hear the bus story.

Snowdens Secret
Dec 29, 2008
Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.

movax posted:

At least they're not making it out into the fleet but still, holy poo poo.

Your optimisim is unfounded

grumplestiltzkin
Jun 7, 2012

Ass, gas, or grass. No one rides for free.

movax posted:

At least they're not making it out into the fleet

hahahaha no. Reread my previous post, the nuke fleet is full of dumbfucks. Its just that you get a bunch of really really smart dumbfucks together, and they work out ways to cover up their dumbfuckery.

bloops
Dec 31, 2010

Thanks Ape Pussy!

movax posted:

Forget killing babies, how does our military let literal retards near nuclear power plants and other high power industrial equipment? :psyduck:

At least they're not making it out into the fleet but still, holy poo poo.

Was it this forum that had the story about the narcoleptic dude driving a bus full of dudes off a dock?

Be exposed to the military at any length will confound, sadden, and alarm you. It's almost a miracle we're somewhat capable.

iyaayas01
Feb 19, 2010

Perry'd
Everything the U.S. military does has been, and continues to be, performed by literal retards. There are literal retards in every MOS/rate/AFSC/etc.

Steezo
Jun 16, 2003
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!


iyaayas01 posted:

Everything the U.S. military does has been, and continues to be, performed by literal retards. There are literal retards in every MOS/rate/AFSC/etc.

There are Forest Gumps being led by Master Shakes in every unit.

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Snowdens Secret
Dec 29, 2008
Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.
Luckily any military force out there that we might go up against is just as bad if not worse. As are the civilian governments who might pit us against each other, on both sides. Once you realize that, the history of war and geopolitics suddenly makes a lot more sense.

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