|
Guiness13 posted:Rather than clutter up the Dome, I thought I'd post my edit here. I'd be grateful for any thoughts, and would be happy to take a look at your own if you want to post it. At first I thought this would be a cute nostalgic Christmas with a cool dad, but then you scared me. quote:Jack woke late. He opened his eyes and winced at the buzz in his head. The kitchen was still. The stove was cold, the percolator sat empty. He fixed a bowl of cereal and ate, waiting for the creaks and groans of the floorboards upstairs. This caused a chill to run through my spine
|
#
¿
Nov 16, 2015 04:07
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 13, 2024 22:25 |
|
|
Daphnaie posted:Hi all. I'm the sort of writer who has focused on a lot on just practicing by writing fragments and prepping for the novel I'd love to finish writing someday. But I know this isn't the most conducive way to actually refining my craft, so I've decided that I'm going to start trying to write some proper short stories in order to get that practice. I realise that short stories and novels aren't the same thing, but if nothing else I'd like to get my prose up to snuff so when I do tackle that novel, its slightly less terrible than it otherwise would be. I edited it for you, I did it anonymously though. I thought that you overused " I " in the story, and because of that, your story was a bit monotonous: " I did this" " I began to do this" " I saw him do that" " Then I did this other thing". Though once the conflict or action started, you stopped it overusing it, and started to write some of your verbs in past tense, and some were present. Sorry if my edits are not good, I am a bit new to editing peoples work. E: Would you mind taking a look at a short story I wrote? It's 1088 words. https://docs.google.com/document/d/188_r1eIQ4MBVSAXgGz0Pg1kJGTwMPtJaCq5u51cGT7E/edit?usp=sharing Or anyone in the thread. gay for gacha fucked around with this message at 20:37 on Apr 21, 2016 |
|
#
¿
Apr 21, 2016 20:03
|
|
|
newtestleper posted:Okay I started to do a crit of this but I only got halfway through because I couldn't get past the clunky prose. The saidisms struck me as particularly bad. I really appreciate it, I just started writing and enjoyed what I wrote, but I wanted a dose of reality and you just did that. I'm going to take the story down and write more.
|
|
#
¿
Apr 22, 2016 01:21
|
|