|
Just for the record, I have no education in creative writing, its just something I enjoy doing sometimes. With that in mind here is my short story Shirt Bot. Its mostly stream of consciousness that I just decided to put down on paper, so I apologize if the ending feels abrubt. I'm also not very good at staying in tense/perspective so I hope I did alright this time around. Would love some critique and opinions on it, thanks everyone. Shirt Bot This is a tale about Shirt Bot, the shirt deploying robot. He was created specifically for the purpose of deploying shirts to people who didn't have a shirt of their own. Don't argue it's a much more common plight than you might believe. His creator suffered from brief lapses in memory and quite often forget his own shirt, which is really the only reason he even built it. After his creators death he found it more and more difficult to find people who needed shirts. He wandered from coast to coast distributing his shirts where needed as he went but he felt something was missing. While hanging around in San Francisco a young man suggested he try going to Mexico, as he had heard there was many more poor people there, so Shirt Bot packed up his belongings, which in this case was a photograph of his creator and a chocolate bar he had been carrying with him for a long time, trying to figure out what it was for. As he began his journey south he met a young man with what appeared to be only half a shirt. Shirt Bot offered him a shirt but the young man just cursed at him and called him a homophobe. Unfortunately Shirt Bot didn't even understand the concept of sexuality let alone have any hatred for anyone based on it. He apologized profusely and carried on his merry way. He finally reached the border between the Unites States and Mexico after about a week of walking. He began plodding through the checkpoint when he heard a man yell to stop. He turned and saw a border patrol guard aiming a semiautomatic rifle at him. He waved pleasantly and turned around again. The first shot whistles right past his head. He turned again looking absolutely horrified. He couldn't understand why this human would just fire at him for what he believed to be no reason. He ejected a shirt and attempted to hand it to the man, who looked utterly confused. "You're gonna need to show me your passport and tell me why you're planning on crossing the border there son" the guard said to him gruffly. "I'm not certain what a passport is my good man but I'm traveling to the country of Mexico to distribute my shirts to the poor of that land" Shirt Bot responded with cheer in his voice. He always had cheer in his voice. "Well I'm afraid without a passport you won't be visiting anywhere anytime soon young man" the guard told him, with authority dripping from his words. Shirt Bot was confused. He had never heard of a passport before, and he just wanted to help people. He decided to ask the man about the chocolate bar, since he had yet to find out what it was for. "Well color me astounded young fella, is that a Dream Bar? I haven't eaten one of those in years, they stopped making them when I was still a boy. They had so many preservatives in em, I bet you that it'd still be fine to eat," the guard told him. "You may have it if you like, I don't believe it can be perused by my own self" Shirt Bot told him. "You may also have one of my many shirts if you would like." "We'll that's mighty generous of you son. I'll tell you what, you go on ahead to Mexico. I can't see you causing any trouble as polite and selfless as you seem to be," the guard said, his eyes glistening. He wasn't crying of course not. He just had something in his eye. Hope for the future. Shirt Bot continued his journey south and came upon a village. He could see that the buildings here were ramshackle and in a condition that could only be described as "bad". He decided here was as a good a place as any to begin his shirt distribution. He wandered to the center of town where he found a crowd already gathered. "Greetings fellows I have brought you all fine new shirts this day. Line up in an orderly fashion and I shall distribute them accordingly." Unfortunately none of them spoke a word of English and they believed he was insulting them, maybe even their wives too. For the record many of their wives were not what might be considered conventionally beautiful. Or unconventionally for that matter. It seems Shirt Bot had gotten himself in another fine mess. <What do you think it is?> one of the men asked the rest, still convinced it had said something offensive about his wife. <It looks like some kind of war machine, sent to strike fear into our hears> another man replied, with an edge of nervousness in his voice. "I don't understand what you are saying, I apologize I do not have a built in universal translator," Shirt Bot said to them in his usual cheerful fashion. He began taking shirts out for all of them, which they took as a sign of aggression. Luckily none of them were particularly brave and they just scattered like field mice. Shirt Bot stood where he was, confused by the actions of man yet again. "Well I suppose I might as well move on, find somewhere I am more wanted than here," he sighed, less cheerfully than he'd ever spoken in all his years. He began walking towards the other end of the village, noticing that many people were staring out their windows at him. <Excuse me sir, you’re not here to hurt us are you? I can tell you’re a kind person, not one to be feared> a young boy emerged from an alleyway and asked him. <Come with me, I’ll introduce you to my family> "I'm sorry young man I don't know what you're saying to me. At least you don't seem to be afraid, I shall come with you I believe," Shirt Bot exclaimed, the regular cheer returning to his voice. Shirt Bot followed the boy down the alleyway, and was soon gone. Here's hoping he had a good life and was able to fulfill his destiny.
|
#
¿
Mar 19, 2013 00:53
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 15, 2024 08:21 |
|
|
Zack_Gochuck posted:The problems here go way beyond grammar, passive sentence structure, and tense issues. A couple of things: Okay yeah that makes a lot of sense, thanks. Back to the ol' writing board. Is that a saying?
|
|
#
¿
Mar 19, 2013 22:39
|
|