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Well, it certainly has dialogue and scenes. Not much else though. I get the feeling that they used zombies and bugs because they couldn't afford anything better.
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Apr 3, 2013 22:07
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Improbable Lobster posted:For the first time since 2009 there is a new SA Movie Review! (Also it's a good review). The review columns were some my first exposure to SA so I have to say that I'm happy to see one of them return. Maybe one day the MMO Roulette will return? (It won't) Considering Khad is no longer welcome here I'm gonna go ahead and say that won't be coming back.
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Apr 5, 2013 17:27
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Aaand we're back. For real this time. As I'm sure you've all already noticed, we've been having some issues keeping the new stuff coming consistently for the past couple weeks for various reasons, but it looks like we've finally got all the little bugs/technical issues etc. with our process sorted out, so while we'll probably continue tinkering with minor stylistic/formatting stuff here and there as we go along, you can expect to see new reviews up at the usual time on Wednesdays every week from here on out (unless otherwise noted for some crazy impossible reason)! With that, tonight we give you a movie that's something of a favorite around these parts - it's a moving story of lost love, redemption, self-sacrifice, and one tortured old man's struggle against all odds to leave the world a more beautiful place than the one he was born into. It's sort of like Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, only instead of candy, there's Nazis; instead of whimsy, there's incest; instead of Gene Wilder, there's Dan Haggerty; and instead of oompa loompas, there's Elves. Merry loving Christmas! http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-reviews/elves-haggerty.php Trillaphon fucked around with this message at 22:16 on Apr 17, 2013 |
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Apr 17, 2013 06:13
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Is it at least watchable crazy? Because Elves sounds nearly crazy enough to be funny.
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Apr 18, 2013 04:24
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Two words: Ninja and Turf. Aside from comprising the title of this week's movie, they have nothing to do with it. But if you like staring into darkness for hours on end and watching fat greasy white guys in belly shirts gut-strut around, you're gonna love it. You can find the whole thing on Youtube, but you might want to make your optometrist appointment first. edit for actual link: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-reviews/ninja-turf.php Trillaphon fucked around with this message at 07:42 on Apr 24, 2013 |
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Apr 24, 2013 07:39
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So at no point when watching the dailies did someone say "maybe we could point lights, even just one, at the things playing out on camera" Haha, look at me, assuming there were dailies.
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Apr 25, 2013 03:36
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DoombatINC posted:So at no point when watching the dailies did someone say "maybe we could point lights, even just one, at the things playing out on camera" Man I love the idea of this movie having dailies screenings and Belly Shirt Guy sitting there gesturing wildly and critiquing mise-en-scène poo poo, but I'm betting it was probably too dark for anyone to find their way there at Hong Kong Stripmall Back Stairs Movie Studio & Plastic Spoon Factory or wherever the hell this was made. Also, to prove we're not total liars/because it was just too good a suggestion to pass up, next week's feature will be one of our goon submissions from right here in the thread! Not to put too fine a point on it, but imagine somebody combined Robocop, The Terminator, and Apocalypse Now into one movie, set fire to all the copies of that movie, peed on them, and then taped over whatever was left with a retarded 96 minute boat ride starring Denise Crosby and a MANDROID covered in toys teaming up with a hillbilly, a kung fu master, and a really cheap R2D2 knockoff to defeat the forces of evil. We had a lot of fun screening this, so special thanks to dog nougat for the suggestion, and we're hoping to cover many more fan suggestions in the future (assuming we don't get tracked down and murdered by disgruntled 80s movie producers or time-traveling robots or something by then) so please do keep them coming! Trillaphon fucked around with this message at 13:37 on Apr 26, 2013 |
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Apr 26, 2013 13:35
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Trillaphon posted:Man I love the idea of this movie having dailies screenings and Belly Shirt Guy sitting there gesturing wildly and critiquing mise-en-scène poo poo, but I'm betting it was probably too dark for anyone to find their way there at Hong Kong Stripmall Back Stairs Movie Studio & Plastic Spoon Factory or wherever the hell this was made. Isn't that basically Order of the Black Eagle? That's what I remember from the review.
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Apr 26, 2013 17:39
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Buffalo squeeze posted:Isn't that basically Order of the Black Eagle? That's what I remember from the review. Order of the Black Eagle is a hodgepodge of many things, but it is severely lacking in the MANDROID department. Although the villain of The Eliminators does seem to live in the same run-down Mayan jungle ruins that the Nazis from OotBE did, as far as we can tell. I guess the rent there is pretty cheap compared to a hollowed-out island volcano.
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Apr 26, 2013 21:21
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Oh god, Hellgate. I actually saw this sometime in the early Nineties, when all of us were in high school and still living with one parent or another. It was one of those high school parties, where you end up taking half the group out to the local video rental place and spend half an hour going through their wretched selection. Sometimes you hit paydirt. Sometimes you just hit dirt. One night... one night we dug so deep, we hit Hell. Most of the party ended up wandering off to other rooms, watching some other movie, or necking, or being morose and angsty because they weren't. Two or three of us were mesmerized by Hellgate, by King Lucas's enormously fake moustache and evil chuckle, and by the tits Josie showed off at every possible juncture. Oh, and by people and animals exploding because the blue crystal overfilled them with life energy, or something.
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May 9, 2013 00:29
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Best review yet, that Hellgate. Keep it up you two, this stuff is gold!
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May 9, 2013 00:31
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 At least now I know what The Turtle from Stephen King's It might have looked like if he had appeared in the 1990s TV version.
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May 9, 2013 11:36
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I like the style of this review a lot, but be careful, 1UP.com copied it and Zach and David were really mean about it!
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May 22, 2013 10:27
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How in the entire gently caress are there three of these things. That implies that people demanded more Recon twice.
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May 25, 2013 06:57
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DoombatINC posted:How in the entire gently caress are there three of these things. That implies that people demanded more Recon twice. Actually we just finished screening the third one and it looks like they're planning to do a fourth too! 
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May 27, 2013 00:01
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Pinata: Survival Island, not to be confused with the far more popular Survivor: Pinata Island
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May 29, 2013 07:21
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I feel a little bad for Harry Kim. Going from being the least memorable character in a cast of mostly forgettable characters on Voyager to dying by piñata-applied attempted braining.
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May 29, 2013 07:28
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Epitome of Macho posted:I feel a little bad for Harry Kim. Going from being the least memorable character in a cast of mostly forgettable characters on Voyager to dying by piñata-applied attempted braining. He's practicing clarinet with the baby jesus now.
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May 29, 2013 07:40
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Xander from Buffy's in this movie, too. I wonder which one of them was more depressed about their lot in life on set.
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May 31, 2013 02:37
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A Talking Cat!?! Holy poo poo, yes. This movie totally deserves to be mentioned on the front page.
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Jun 5, 2013 07:48
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Friends Are Evil posted:A Talking Cat!?! Just remember when the therapy bills start rolling in that it's all Onomarchus's fault.
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Jun 5, 2013 08:44
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Oh God the music! Doot doo doo doot doot doo doo doot honk honk
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Jun 5, 2013 21:31
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This made me fall in love with Something Awful all over again...Thank you, Talking Cat!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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Jun 5, 2013 22:27
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Professor Clumsy posted:Oh God the music! Klank doot plonk FHEEEEEEEEW boink tink! We didn't cherry pick for that poo poo either, it's pretty much nonstop for the entire 80 minutes. Trillaphon fucked around with this message at 23:10 on Jun 5, 2013 |
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Jun 5, 2013 23:08
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Trillaphon posted:Just remember when the therapy bills start rolling in that it's all Onomarchus's fault. You're welcome. It's what I'm for.
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Jun 6, 2013 01:45
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Looks like they're making a follow-up! A Talking Pony!?! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2757592/ The trailer: http://youtu.be/EwmXPE62wwo I... I can't tell whether or not this is really happening.
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Jun 6, 2013 04:26
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I watched this week and tried to write down some of my thoughts about the film on Facebook and here they are Chris Hill So far all I can say is that someone made the inexplicable choice of having Eric Roberts voice the cat and it sounds like the ADR guys put the microphone in a Saltine box filled with cotton balls on the other side of the room when recording his voiceover Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill The mom in this movie is one of the worst actresses I have ever seen. She is going on and on about her missing shoes, we see the cat sniffing the shoes and you can clearly see the reflection from the laser pointer they ate using to make the cat seem interested in the shoes. I have the feeling this is going to be a recurring problem in this thing. Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill BTW the cat doesn't actually talk. We hear it's thoughts ala Garfield. So I guess the answer to "A Talking Cat?!" is no, not at all Like · 1 · More · May 27 Chris Hill Eric Roberts is really phoning it in here, but then again you could make the argument he's been doing that his whole career. Like · 1 · More · May 27 Chris Hill Umm the cat meowed and the retired dad said "Wow! That sure was random!" No it's not, it's a loving cat you idiot! That's what cats do! What would be random would be if it talked like it says in the goddamn title! Edited · Like · 1 · More · May 27 Chris Hill The girl is using a MacBook but they put a piece of tape over the Apple logo to avoid paying royalties, a good sign for a movie! Like · 1 · More · May 27 Chris Hill Great shot of a teenager fixing a fence with a cordless drill there. Good decision to keep that in Like · 1 · More · May 27 Chris Hill Ok now the cat actually is talking out loud and the daughter is reacting in a manner in which only an actress of her caliber can; terribly in other words. A TALKING CAT?! Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill Now she is yelling at and insulting her brother for making the cat talk as a joke, whatever kind of sense that makes. Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill "Hey guys, how do we make our own Garfield movie without having to pay royalties? Also how do we do it without real actors, producers or a competent director?" Like · 1 · More · May 27 Chris Hill I think a real problem here is that whenever Eric Roberts talks he sounds like he is about to snap someone's neck Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill Who's decision was it that the fat old retired dad should have a soul patch and Flock of Seagulls hair? Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill Hey it's the same exact scene ad before except instead of the cat talking to the neighbor's daughter and her mom not believing her it's the retired dad and his son who doesn't believe him. Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill Dad is going for a walk in the woods and the camera is shaking inexplicably while they film a waterfall. Dont wanna meet that dad Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill He's talking to the brother now and ugh gently caress this movie. It's explained that the cat can only talk to one person once Like · More · May 27 Chris Hill Can the retired dad and the mom across the street with the son and snotty daughter just get together already like we knew was going to happen since the beginning? Can this movie be over yet? Also how cone their kids are only 17? Did they have kids when they were 65 or something? Like · More · May 27 For some reason they decided to film these two talking to eachother separately and then edit them together to make it look like they are having a conversation . They are never together in the same shot. Most likely because dialogue is too tough for these idiots. It's official. This movie is "The Room" of family movies. Funny how the cat just said he drinks from the toilet sometimes which is an interesting parallel to real life considering Eric Roberts has most likely drank from a few toilets in his day. Despite their initial shock no one seems all that surprised that a cat is talking to them. They kind of just get on with their lives. I wonder if Sharknado is on? Oh great a five minute montage of this old coot driving his car around. Did you know this movie had an estimated budget of a million dollars? Someone is walking around with $999,950 in their pocket. Ok I'm sorry I can't watch this any longer goodbye folks! When I said Eric Roberts was phoning it in I really meant it. Going by the quality of the audio it's entirely possible he called the studio one day and they held a cell phone up to the mic. Why Eric Roberts anyway? Was Treat Williams bust that week? OK the cat was actually hit by a car, which resulted in a mess of gauze being haphazardly thrown on his head for whatever reason. All the characters are going into the forest now to find a magical collar that Eric Robertcat mentioned for no reason at all earlier in the film. It apparently has the power to remove mounds of gauze from a cat's head. Also the problem with having Eric Roberts voicing a cat is that his "cute cuddly cat voice" sounds exactly like his "I'm gonna kick Steven Seagal's teeth in" voice.
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Jun 6, 2013 06:34
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It sounds like Eric Roberts read every line into a cellphone while trapped in a men's room stall at gunpoint. I'm surprised we can't hear a police negotiator in the background of the dubbing.
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Jun 6, 2013 06:53
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When they show the cast credits at the end, there's a montage of every scene where it looks like the old man thinks of killing himself. If this were any other movie, it'd seem like a lot. For this, it wasn't nearly enough.
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Jun 6, 2013 09:33
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Maharajadhiraja posted:Looks like they're making a follow-up! A Talking Pony!?! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2757592/ Oh for gently caress's sake - who keeps giving David DeCoteau a million dollars? Well, I know what we're doing in September. At least this time we won't have to look at ButterDad's disgusting hair/face/body because now he's a pony. 
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Jun 6, 2013 16:18
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So this is real. Huh. I was pretty much convinced that it was just a fake movie poster that Netflix came up with for April Fools.
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Jun 6, 2013 16:56
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Trillaphon posted:Oh for gently caress's sake - who keeps giving David DeCoteau a million dollars? The crazy thing is that guy is only 54 years old, why does he look so awful? But it's kind of unfortunate he is doing the voice because I was holding out for Tom Berenger as the voice of the pony.
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Jun 6, 2013 21:22
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Tuxedo Ted posted:So this is real. Huh. I was pretty much convinced that it was just a fake movie poster that Netflix came up with for April Fools. For a while I thought we all had a collective stroke and A Talking Cat's poster was just the part of our brains that had died, but some time passed and I came to grips with it existing. Now that I've seen the trailer for A Talking Pony I'm leaning back towards the stroke theory.
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Jun 7, 2013 01:54
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Maharajadhiraja posted:Looks like they're making a follow-up! A Talking Pony!?! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2757592/ Apparently this David DeCoteau shits out a slew of movies with similar premises and a lot of the same sets and actors. Depending on how you slice it, A Talking Cat!?! could itself be considered a follow-up. We've already got A Halloween Puppy, A Christmas Puppy (AKA Christmas Spirit), and An Easter Bunny Puppy. Not An Easter Puppy, no, An Easter Bunny Puppy. A Halloween Puppy also has Eric Roberts in it, which brings me to this. Trillaphon posted:Oh for gently caress's sake - who keeps giving David DeCoteau a million dollars? If you just can't wait till September, you could review A Halloween Puppy. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-x1PavjMvs Eric Roberts is actually in this one as a live-action actor, but apparently he's also voicing the dog (which may not even be a puppy for all I know). It looks to be like Poochinski with a live dog all the time instead of using that freaky-looking puppet. On the other hand, David DeCoteau doesn't seem to have anything to do with Vampire Dog (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2071648/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV1fiNgq-D8) starring Norm MacDonald. Don't let that stop you if you want to review it though. Onomarchus fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Jun 8, 2013 |
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Jun 8, 2013 17:08
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Onomarchus posted:On the other hand, David DeCoteau doesn't seem to have anything to do with Vampire Dog (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2071648/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV1fiNgq-D8) starring Norm MacDonald. Don't let that stop you if you want to review it though. Someone needs to go check on Norm MacDonald and make sure he's not living in a boxcar.
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Jun 8, 2013 21:17
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I don't care if it has an IMDB page, my mind can literally not process the fact that "A Talking CAT!?!" is an actual movie shot with actual cameras, that somebody actually paid money to create.
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Jun 8, 2013 21:43
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Sardonik posted:I don't care if it has an IMDB page, my mind can literally not process the fact that "A Talking CAT!?!" is an actual movie shot with actual cameras, that somebody actually paid money to create. I'm both pleasantly surprised and disturbed to actually read a review of the film after seeing the dismal poster and trailer. It's just as awful as I imagined and is the perfect film ever made. Someone must store A Talking Cat!? in a time capsule so that future generations can be thrilled by its non-existent artiface.
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Jun 9, 2013 10:09
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My ex worked on one of his films. He's truly the Canadian Uwe Boll without the payroll. Apparently a nice guy.
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Jun 9, 2013 16:52
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Undefeatable review is out and I can't believe they didn't they didn't have a video or a post a link to the final fight, since it absolutely needs to be watched
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Jun 19, 2013 14:11
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Hip-Hoptimus Rhyme posted:Undefeatable review is out and I can't believe they didn't they didn't have a video or a post a link to the final fight, since it absolutely needs to be watched We sort of felt like we captured the spirit of the fight in gif form, but you're right that it's hard to appreciate without witnessing in full, so we added the link, thanks! I hope this one was as much fun to read as it was to write, because we had a blast. This has to be one of the most giffable movies ever made. 
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Jun 19, 2013 17:09
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