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Benny the Snake posted:
I feel sort of bad for your mother here because she was trying to work. I find it hard enough to work when someone else is goofing off watching TV or whatever next to me. And that's TV that I don't have a moral problem with being watched by someone I am not struggling to support with the work I am trying to do. Your mum shouldn't be getting so worked up but I can see how the situation is stressful for her. I completely disagree with her beliefs but you have to know that you will never change her beliefs about morality all you will do is increase hostility and tensions. I think the best you can realistically hope for is to return to the truce you had previously until such time as you can arrange a better living situation. Maybe talk to your brother about how he shouldn't resort to insults when your parents (who are paying your rent, food, bills etc) ask him to respect their wishes in their home. In the interest of peaceful living, I recommend that both you and your brother apologise to your mother for upsetting her and insulting her. Stop doing things to upset and insult her and move all your controversial comics etc to a friend's house and maybe make sure that you and your brother watch any media that might cause problems in your rooms with the door shut or also at a friend's house. Also start saving up and make plans to move out ASAP, do you have friends or cousins you can houseshare with? The reason you are getting hostile responses is because you say entitled poo poo like this: Benny the Snake posted:I still feel I have a right to buy, consume, and own whatever media I chose. [...] we're dependent on the lodging, food, and utilities that our parents provide. What should we do? Your parents have sucky beliefs but you should be grateful that they are continuing to provide for you, a lot of people do not have family to support them and would be living on the street in your position. For you to be insisting that it is your right to own media is going to ring hollow with people who need all the money they earn to pay rent and buy food and have no entertainment budget. What sort of media do your parents buy and own? Do you think that maybe they go without things they would like in order to give you and your brother a better life than you would have without them? Like it or not, while they are supporting the two of you, your parents are sacrificing the luxuries that they could have bought with that money so to them it is not unreasonable to ask you to give stuff up for this arrangement too. Benny the Snake posted:[...] she saw me watching porn on my computer. She went as far as to threaten to throw my computer out, stop paying for internet, throw the TV out, etc. I counter with telling her that I'll press charges of theft and property destruction. I hope you were overstating this because this sounds like an argument that teenagers have with their parents. You admit you wouldn't have food, shelter or utilities without your parents providing them for you but you threaten to press charges against your mother if she stops paying for your internet? Jesus Christ. Also try to not let your mum catch you yanking it dude, that's like wanking 101. Even non religious mums would probably overreact a bit to walking in on that.
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Jan 31, 2013 16:58
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 11:49 |
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Namarrgon posted:It always surprises me how incredibly many people never think beyond "this is legal/illegal, therefore it is ok/not ok". The mom is doing nothing illegal except the occasional domestic abuse. This does not mean she is morally justified in her actions. I think most people agree with you, I don't think that many people are defending the parents because they are bigots. It's more that we all have the luxury of standing back and saying poo poo is hosed up and his parents have awful beliefs. Thing is, the OP doesn't have that luxury, he is dependent on them so taking the moral high ground and standing up to bigotry will seriously cost him. "My house, my rules" isn't RIGHT but it's what OP has to deal with, he can't make them into reasonable non bigoted people. I advised him to patch things over with his mum, keep the peace, respect her wishes and try to restore the previous truce. I didn't tell him that because I think it is the morally correct thing to do, I told him that because I think it's the best chance he's got of living a somewhat normal, non stressful life until he can move out. If I personally knew these people I would call them out on their bigotry and I would absolutely not cater to their homophobia. However I would be able to wash my hands of them, walk away and never talk to them again. The OP can't walk away and will have to live with the fallout from any arguments. This could lead to a very stressful situation quite easily and he is under no obligation to sacrifice his mental well being for morality. I completely agree that any rules of the house should be reasonable and that the OPs mother is in the wrong. If this were an ethics debate question it would be pretty clear cut but it isn't, it's the OPs actual life and the correct answer based on the way things SHOULD be won't help him deal with the way things actually ARE. The people who are giving him advice for living in unreasonable conditions aren't making a moral argument to support those conditions, they are trying to help OP make the best of a lovely situation by making the only improvements he actually can. That's why so much advice is directed to the OP seeing things from his mum's point of view and taking the initiative to patch things over. It is not because it's fair but because it's the only thing he can definitely achieve.
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Feb 1, 2013 17:49
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