Ask us about Buddhism: This thread is Avici

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask us about Buddhism: This thread is Avici

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

Audio Dharma has a ton of really nice free podcasts on a whole range of subjects, including anger. They give a good example of how people apply buddhist teachings in every day life which was really helpful for me.
Tarthang Tulku's Open Consciousness is also good.

# ¿ Jul 15, 2013 10:54

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 12:07

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

Prickly Pete posted:

People who say they are Christian and Buddhist are usually either misunderstanding fundamental parts of either faith, or are simply choosing to ignore the parts of Buddhism that they don't like (rebirth and kamma, anatta, etc), while focusing on the more pleasing aspects like the paramis and the bramaviharas that are more compatible with theistic traditions.

While I agree that picking and choosing which parts of Bhuddism you like defeats the purpose (how do you even do Buddhist practice while ignoring anatta), how essential is believing in rebirth? I was raised with the idea "It's there, but just forget about it because you're living this life now" and now that I'm leaning more towards non-belief I still feel like the issue is neither here nor there. Believing in it because that would make me a Good Buddhist without really understanding it to be true just makes it feel like a convenient idea to cling to so I let it be for now, maybe it's something I will come to understand later in life. I'm not rejecting it but I also can't find a way to accept it with integrity. :shobon:

This article explains my feelings on the matter way better than I could: http://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/articles/should-i-believe-in-rebirth/

PiratePing fucked around with this message at 11:03 on Aug 2, 2013

# ¿ Aug 2, 2013 10:55

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

Razage posted:

So here's a question: The center that I now go to is having the Shambhala Level 1 retreat soon, and I want to go but I'm also on-call that weekend and can't find anyone to cover for me. I probably won't get a call but it's a possibility. I plan on asking the centre but I want the opinion of the people here as well. Would it be bad for me to try and go to the retreat and just keep my phone on vibrate and then if I get a call I'll have to go I guess. Or is that kind of against the spirit of the whole thing?

I'm planning to go to that retreat too. I've been visiting the local Shambala centre over the summer and it's been nice. I don't know about your group but they're very laid back here. As long as you don't disturb the rest it's probably fine, it would be a shame to miss the entire retreat. :shobon:

# ¿ Sep 15, 2013 10:38

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

Rhymenoceros posted:

I recommend developing compassion and kindness towards yourself in tandem with this. You really need to take in the fact that you are also a being who you are supposed to be compassionate and kind to, and please remember that compassion is always an appropriate response to suffering of any kind.

I sincerely hope and think you will be able to cope with your anxiety eventually. May you find refuge from anxiety and the stress that causes.

Do you have any book recommendations? I've been working on this for a while but that door is still firmly shut for me. I'm becoming more and more mindful of when I'm being a dick to myself at least, it's pretty disturbing. No wonder I'm stressed and anxious if I even interpret hanging out with friends as a sign of my undesirable character: "Ugh, you're such a selfish rear end in a top hat for forcing your presence on people JUST because you miss your friends and want to hang out and cook them a nice dinner." :stare:

# ¿ Nov 17, 2013 12:55

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

Rhymenoceros posted:

I don't have any book recommendations, all I have is my own experience which I will share.

First some things that are good to know: Our brain is constantly coming up with random thoughts. Some are disturbing, some are pleasant, some are irrelevant. When our brain gets fixed in a habit of repeating a particular thing, like "I'm a selfish rear end in a top hat", in time we tend to believe that. This is just because in general we end up believing things we're told over and over again.

So, negative thoughts are just habits, they're no more special than any other habit, like picking your nose too much. We're just going to replace a habit with a more constructive one.

Thoughts that are repeated over and over become beliefs with time. IMO the best way to challenge a belief is to use logic. What worked for me was whenever I noticed I was putting myself down, I asked myself "Would I say this to another person in the same situation?" The answer has always been "Of course not, saying this would be unfair, mean, hurtful, unhelpful and fundamentally untrue."

A practical example from my life has been when I've been studying and I've struggled to learn hard material, I would think "You'll never understand this, you're not smart enough." Here I would stop myself, and imagine if someone else came to me and said "I'm trying to learn this hard material, but I'm not getting it" I know I would never, ever say "You'll never understand this, you're not smart enough." to this person, because I know this person just needs to have it explained correctly, I know that his low confidence is hindering him, I know that this person needs encouragement and kindness to actually get results. I know that in real life, punishment doesn't lead anywhere, so why bother with punishment?

Perhaps you can try this in your own life. In the situation you described in the post I've quoted, if you imagine for example a good friend of yours coming to you and saying "Sometimes I say to myself, I'm such a selfish rear end in a top hat for forcing my presence on people JUST because I miss my friends and want to hang out and cook them a nice dinner." Understanding what it feels like to feel like this, what would you say to your friend in response?

For me this has been a good litmus test for my own thought patterns. If I would not say it to someone else (because it would be unhelpful and hurtful, but most importantly plain untrue), I'm not going to say it to myself. I repeated this process whenever I notice a negative thought about myself.

Also, don't worry about the content of your thoughts, yes you probably (like me) will discover a lot of disturbing thoughts, but they're just thoughts. Don't take thoughts so seriously. Your brain literally can't stop generating this random input. Learn to love your zany brain!

All this is basically what davidcm has suggested I think. There are tons of skillful ways to combine mindfulness and cognitive behavioural therapy, so don't be afraid to find what works for you.

Happily I'm not as bad as that anymore. I've been doing pretty much what you've said for about a year now and in the past few months I've been starting to really feel some fundamental changes. I've tried cognitive behavioural therapy for a while but it didn't feel complete to me. These days I'm much more mindful of my thoughts/emotions and my anxiety doesn't control me anymore. Negative, unskillful thoughts feel more and more shallow and don't get acted on most of the time. I have quite a way to go because accepting that I'm not fundamentally wrong is new territory for me, I never learned how to feel self-compassion so it needs some time to develop. I'm doing well in that deartment too, the past few months there has been a different base quality to how I feel, a kind of steady, quiet and composed feeling that I can draw on whenever. Strong back :3:

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 12:38

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

Rhymenoceros posted:

Then please, practice virtue, kindness and compassion. Not being anxious and depressed is a skill that you learn through practice.

A conceptual understanding of rebirth or no-self or whatever is not what will ease your suffering. You have to train yourself, you have to learn and develop the skills that cause happiness.

This. I'm a bookworm and tend to focus too much on rearranging the mental furniture, letting go of all the preparatory reading and actually just doing it was an important step that required conscious effort for me. You don't need to be a scholar to meditate, experience metta, work on your aversion to doing the dishes or whatever. Focusing on developing yourself in small steps is showing kindness to yourself, you are already doing good things.

One of my most significant learning moments was catching myself getting grumpy and stressed from having to walk to work in the rain: I spent time doing my hair and make-up just to get to work looking like a mess anyway, I was a mess and I was cold and now I was grumpy and negative so of course I was going to be unpleasant at work and everyone would hate me and so on. So I slowed down, took off the hood of my coat,turned my face into the rain and just let myself be rained on. I focused on my breath and feeling the rain and it became the most refreshing experience I'd had in ages. The rain was good, I was good, it was a pleasure to walk around just being a human in the rain. What's more, a quiet sense of humour bubbled up naturally that stayed with me effortlessly throughout my workday, making me feel more kindness and gentleness towards my coworkers too. :3:

# ¿ Dec 13, 2013 12:24

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

Snak posted:

I would agree with this. Fishing for sport is the sort of activity that you should examine why it is entertaining to you.

I have heard this about other things, even including drinking alcohol in some cases. For example, if there is an social reason that is important to someone that you care about to share a drink or make a toast with, it might cause more suffering to make a fuss about abstaining from alcohol than it would harm you to simple take the drink. Obviously, this is only in the case of delicate circumstances and not like "well my friends drink, so I drink when I'm with them". Precepts/Vows aside, you shouldn't let other people dictate when you get intoxicated, so of course this doesn't include drinking to intoxication.

How about as a social lubricant? Not along the lines of "I'm kind of shy, I'm going to have a drink to loosen up", but like when you want to have an honest conversation with a friend who has trouble opening up to you. A few well-aimed glasses of alcohol can facilitate that kind of communication very well and might be the most 'helpful' way to approach certain types of people, at least in terms of creating a safe and friendly environment where they can feel free to talk.

Getting too into it and having too much to drink quickly has the opposite effect of course.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2013 15:28

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 12:07

PiratePing: Jan 3, 2007; queck

As it happens I've been reading up on 'idiot compassion' the past week. I have the same problem with getting overly upset at seeing suffering and having trouble dealing with the desire to help.

I'm only a baby Buddhist, but this is my experience:
While feeling compassion is a good thing, the getting upset at seeing suffering in others is not real compassion but an unskillful reaction. The frustration, anger or out-of-control sadness comes from not wanting that suffering to be there because it hurts me to empathize with it. Getting frustrated at seeing suffering causes a forceful, aggressive urge to will the cause of the suffering away because it is my will that people/animals/whatever do not suffer. In a way, getting overly agitated like that my way of acting out my urge to help when there is nothing I can do, but it is also a reaction of pushing away or fighting back against the unpleasantness of seeing suffering. There is a lot of self-centeredness in that kind of 'compassion' even if it's easy to play off as a virtue. So far, the only healthy feeling of compassion I can find is gentle sadness that doesn't unbalance me but just acknowledges the reality of suffering. I imagine that is close to the loving-concern Ven Sangye Kandro talks about in the quote below.

quote:

Ven Sangye Khadro ]We need to distinguish true compassion from �idiot compassion�. We sometimes over-react emotionally at the sight of suffering. We can be so distressed that we weep uncontrollably, faint or run away in horror. Our heart may be moved with pity but our emotions are so out-of-control that we can�t do anything to help! In other cases we might do something but because we lack right understanding of the problem or the person experiencing it, our �help� only makes the situation worse. These are examples of idiot compassion. True compassion balances loving-concern with clear wisdom. This wisdom enables us to stay calm and think clearly how best to help, without being carried away by our emotions.

As for dealing with it, I've been trying to catch the reaction as soon as I can and observing what happens or focusing on my breath while watching the news or other upsetting things so that I don't get sucked into the narrative. :shobon:

# ¿ Jan 24, 2014 13:50

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask us about Buddhism: This thread is Avici