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omnibobb posted:Is your mom down there? I dunno but if she's takin' a nailin' it's right up against my loving ductwork and I'm trying to record a tutorial up here. 
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Jan 17, 2014 21:59
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I was gassing up my car and heard a loud thud behind me and looked. Someone had driven into the pump behind mine. I figured it was icy so they probably slid into it. Nope, they backed up, stopped, put it into forward... and drove right into the pump again, and they looked all confused like "What do I keep hitting?". How the hell do some people get their license?
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Jan 21, 2014 16:44
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Just overheard a woman who doesn't natively speak English ask someone what the phrase "when life gives you lemons..." means. The response was " it's like, roll with the punches!" She still didn't understand, so the other person went through about 10 other English idioms with similar results. Get a brian moran!
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Jan 21, 2014 17:19
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Inspector Zenigata has a new favorite as of 23:16 on Apr 2, 2014 |
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Jan 21, 2014 19:21
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I experienced -30 C weather for the first time. I walked for two blocks before I couldn't feel my face anymore and decided that it was an inside day.
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Jan 21, 2014 23:40
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One of my friends texted me "Wtf. My coworker is talking about how they went to a phrenologist. I seriously thought that died out in the early 19th century." Apparently there are still phrenologists around.
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Jan 24, 2014 15:03
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Jan 25, 2014 01:05
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Inspector Zenigata posted:Yesterday my parents, my long-term partner, and I made personal pizzas together and had a pleasant conversation that never once veered into arguments, insults, or other stuff that can usually be counted on in even my shortest interaction with them. Even when my partner made a joke at the expense of Ronald Reagan, a man my father almost literally worships, he refrained from saying/doing crazy poo poo as he would usually do. My pizzas weren't that great, but it was perhaps the nicest interaction I've had with them in ten years. How old are you that a Reagan joke would even come up?
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Jan 25, 2014 01:09
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bunnielab posted:How old are you that a Reagan joke would even come up? I guess you could say that for that date, they went Dutch.
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Jan 25, 2014 07:45
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Inspector Zenigata has a new favorite as of 23:17 on Apr 2, 2014 |
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Jan 25, 2014 08:36
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Last week someone knocked on the door to our office suite and was wearing a suit and carrying a celestial globe. He introduced himself as a new faculty member and I looked down at the celestial globe, looked up, and said "I'll bet I can guess what class you're teaching." Everyone laughed for a few seconds and we chatted about astronomy and astrophysics while one of my coworkers helped him set up his account.
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Jan 28, 2014 05:34
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Inspector Zenigata posted:I'm in my 20s. My father brought him up after my partner mentioned the recent legalization of recreational use of weed in Colorado. The weed thing came up organically, but I don't remember exactly how. My dad said that Reagan wouldn't have let that happen, he was too principled, he would've shown Colorado what-for, poo poo like that. Basically whining about Obama. My partner joked about how successful the drug war has been, and my father frowned and we kept on making pizza. Normally he would've gone totally apeshit. This thread is shit_that_happened.txt.
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Jan 28, 2014 05:39
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I found a loyalty stamp card to a burrito place in my pocket, but there aren't any stamps on it. 
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Jan 29, 2014 09:54
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Inspector Zenigata has a new favorite as of 23:17 on Apr 2, 2014 |
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Jan 29, 2014 21:04
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So there I was, in a crowded platoon tent in the middle of the New Mexico desert. The tent was filled with a varying assortment of young guys in various states of undress, as my platoon had just finished training exercises for the day and everyone was getting ready to settle down and get dinner chow. The air smelled like stale sweat and coagulating dip spit. Suddenly, there's a piercing squeak heard across the entire tent that lasted for about 5 whole seconds: some dude (some soldier!) had just ripped rear end. Most of us glanced around at one another, looking for someone to claim it, when our acting platoon sergeant called the newest private out: "Holy poo poo McCarty, was that you?" Private McCarty immediately got a look of indignation on his face, turned and said with no hesitation "No sergeant! My poo poo ain't that tight!" The entire tent applauded. We also got this guy to buy the idea that chem lights (glow sticks) recharge overnight if you bury them by replacing the dead ones with new ones every night.
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Jan 29, 2014 22:23
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This happened to a friend of mine some context: David Tennant is currently filming the American version of Broadchurch in my town, Victoria, British Columbia.
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Feb 1, 2014 08:00
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I was once watching tv when my dad walked into the room, set up his laptop and started watching porn. Apparently he didn't see me. After a tense few moments he spotted me and slammed his laptop shut and started watching tv.
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Feb 1, 2014 08:11
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Lord Lambeth posted:David Tennant is currently filming the American version of Broadchurch in my town, Victoria, British Columbia. They're filming the 50 Shades of Gray movie across the street in my town. BC is apparently a very popular movie shooting site 
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Feb 1, 2014 08:33
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The moose is back. loving moose sitting on my deck, eating what's left of my deck's dining table parasol and making obscene noises at me through the deck's sliding door window into the house. My cats are terrified and won't stop trying to climb on top of me for safety or something, and I can't fall asleep between the cats and the moose making loud noises and attacking me and my possessions.
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Feb 1, 2014 11:59
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Latino guy in a convertible lowrider drove by at 10PM on a cold night, smiling and nodding happily along to "Back in Black", which was blasting from his speakers. An hour later, I can hear him drive by outside...blasting "Back in Black." (The car was blue).
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Feb 2, 2014 23:08
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Inspector Zenigata posted:Our ages ranged from 14-23. Inspector Zenigata posted:I was like 12 when it happened. Hmmmmmm...
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Feb 6, 2014 03:27
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ThatPazuzu posted:I was once watching tv when my dad walked into the room, set up his laptop and started watching porn. Apparently he didn't see me. After a tense few moments he spotted me and slammed his laptop shut and started watching tv. My father is 60 and has no clue how to use the internet, I'm pretty sure I've caught him trying to watch scrambled cable porn like I used to do when I was 12.
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Feb 6, 2014 22:47
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Not very exciting but tonight I got texted by a stranger and decided to have a little stupid harmless fun v v
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Feb 7, 2014 03:40
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I once got paid 100 dollars in cash to go around a huge amusement park convention in Orlando and pick up brochures and assorted literature from every booth I could. They had a triple deck carousel and one of those swinging pirate ships set up inside (the Orlando convention center has very high ceilings). It was a nice way to spend a day, and I got paid for it.
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Feb 7, 2014 04:22
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I came *so close* to rick-rolling Louis Andriessen yesterday
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Feb 7, 2014 05:33
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I was pretending to be sick so I could stay home from high school one day many years ago. I was sleeping in when I heard a sound like a bird flying into a window come from our living room. Then again, then again. Putting on a dressing gown and grabbing a blunt object I went to investigate. There was a man who had broken a piece of our kitchen window in such a way that allowed him to open the sliding part of it so he could climb in. He was half in, half out, and having frozen for a second I was about to yell something when the lady outside he was with spotted me through the sliding glass door and alerted him. They legged it off the property, and I called my folks who called the police. I later learnt they had been breaking and entering in other houses in the usually quiet, safe suburb in order to fuel their drug habits.
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Feb 7, 2014 16:02
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I was at a portrait artists symposium today and there was a figure drawing demonstration. The model took off her robe, the presenter hit shuffle for music, and "The Lady is a Tramp" started playing. I managed to avoid laughing.
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Feb 8, 2014 00:52
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I got a phone call a couple days ago because there was a problem with my blood test. When I got there, i asked what the hell happened. Turns out it was lost in transit. How the hell did they lose my blood?! Where is it now? Did someone steal it? If so, who has my blood and why?
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Feb 9, 2014 09:41
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Intoluene posted:How the hell did they lose my blood?! Where is it now? Did someone steal it? If so, who has my blood and why? I got a call yesterday morning from my hipster-est friend. "Hey dude I know you're doing, like, a lot of animation stuff, right, and I know you like to write, right, so like I had this idea, I wanna make a cartoon! I need someone to animate it and I also like need someone to write it and I thought I could get you!" "Am I gettin' paid?" "Uh, not exactly but like when it becomes the next South Park--" "Lemme stop you right there, you know edgy poo poo ain't my jam." "Yeah but, but edginess is, like, a breath of fresh air when all you write is children's stories! You gotta write stuff about puppets with teeth in their vaginas!" "No. Edginess is the last stronghold of the creatively bankrupt." He huffed a little bit and whined about my lack of vision and hung up. tl;dr, hipster tries to ideas-guy me into doing work for him for free
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Feb 10, 2014 00:46
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My dad got kicked out of an Office Max today. He needed to use the bathroom, found out the building didn't have one, yelled at the cashier and threatened to take the ink without paying. They asked him to leave and then he threatened to steal it again. They asked him to leave a second time and he did. He does not understand that he isn't the hero of this story. Edit: vvv Maybe it was under construction? I only got his side of the story. ThatPazuzu has a new favorite as of 01:26 on Feb 10, 2014 |
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Feb 10, 2014 01:00
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ThatPazuzu posted:My dad got kicked out of an Office Max today. He needed to use the bathroom, found out the building didn't have one, They lied to him. All Office Max buildings have bathrooms. In STH news, I just ate a mini watermelon with a measuring spoon because its thin metal cuts through the sweet red flesh more easily.
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Feb 10, 2014 01:23
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Haskell9 posted:They lied to him. All Office Max buildings have bathrooms. In STH news, I just ate a mini watermelon with a measuring spoon because its thin metal cuts through the sweet red flesh more easily.
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Feb 10, 2014 13:10
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Haskell9 posted:They lied to him. All Office Max buildings have bathrooms. In STH news, I just ate a mini watermelon with a measuring spoon because its thin metal cuts through the sweet red flesh more easily. Mini watermelons, what a time to be alive. Do they taste like regular watermelons?
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Feb 10, 2014 19:07
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A hipster told me "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WHITE PEOPLE WHO WERE OPPRESSED" and I punched him.
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Feb 16, 2014 21:02
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While waiting for the bus with a bunch of groceries, some dude yelled out of his car window if he could have my milk and orange juice. When I said no, he casually said "okay" and drove off. 
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Feb 17, 2014 15:48
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Kaizoku posted:Mini watermelons, what a time to be alive. If you get a good one the flesh is denser, firmer, and somewhat sweeter. It is the most delicious melon. If you get a bad one it tastes like a regular seedless watermelon, but smaller. Buy one. Refigerate it thoroughly then cut it in half. Find the thinnest large measuring spoon you can and dive into carved hemispheres of perfect flavor. It's even better if you're hot and thirsty. poo poo that happened: I had the day off work and did nothing productive despite planning otherwise because Skyrim.
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Feb 21, 2014 06:55
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Currently my boss eggs me on about how me and my twin brother don't compare our penises. Said twin brother also works with her. Apparently, 'It's kinda creepy and kinda incestuous' is not an acceptable answer.
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Feb 21, 2014 09:26
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Someone put lollipops in the decorative bowl on my apartment floor right outside the elevators. Also I think I pissed off my neighbor by making the hallways smell like cigarette smoke and she walks by me now with her scarf over her nose. I go downstairs to smoke but now I feel like kind of a lovely person. 
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Feb 21, 2014 10:36
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Yesterday, some idiot set the ashtray pole thingy on fire. It was a bit too full and people were jamming receipts and candy wrappers in there too. As one of the few non-smokers who works there, I put it out.
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Feb 21, 2014 14:32
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Missing Name posted:Yesterday, some idiot set the ashtray pole thingy on fire. It was a bit too full and people were jamming receipts and candy wrappers in there too. As one of the few non-smokers who works there, I put it out. When I lived in a dorm room that was right next to a porch, I'd sometimes have to go outside to extinguish truly gigantic plumes of smoke that would come from someone's still-lit cigar butts in the sand bucket. Something about that environment (or maybe something inherent to those cigars) was really conducive to stuff continuing to burn and smoke a lot, so I'd have to dump at least two mugs full of water on them to put them out. Eventually I learned that the butts came from a girl who was very small, and kind of timid, and polite when you actually bumped into her. She was just about the exact opposite of the kind of person I'd imagined a cigar smoker to be. I'd previously pictured a cross between Sigmund Freud and Groucho Marx, or something.
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