|
xiw posted:Trent is an early case of Anthony's obsession with sitting around and logic-chopping honor and integrity so finely that everyone involves totally misses the point. Surely we won't be carrying this far enough to get to Grey Murphy, will we?
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 03:40
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 4, 2024 06:32 |
|
|
drat it. I'm trying to remember the title of a Xanth novel that I think spent a chapter mainly devoted to some hallucinatory biography of Van Gogh, mainly to make sure I'm not misremembering it. I had a terrible thought, too. I'm trying to think of a major female character in these books who isn't manipulative on some level, and the only one that comes to mind is the skeleton, Grace. This is a setting literally built on Anthony's fixation on puns, sex, and buggered up logic, where the act of sex literally summons a goddamn baby-bearing stork. If it were another author, I'd wave off the implications of women all being manipulative, mind-reading harridans, but in this case... ...in this case there's that loving trial scene. Iris. The widowed farmer, even. malkav11 posted:I didn't go off Anthony just because there was an adolescent fascination with sex and some cringeworthy punnery. I mean, I had an adolescent fascination with sex and a strong tolerance for puns. No, it was when I picked up his autobiography at the library (I don't recommend doing this), began to read it, and discovered that he had decided that the perfect way to open his autobiography was a lengthy discussion of how much he had enjoyed receiving enemas as a young boy. I came across an issue of his newsletter from god knows when, while trying to identify the book with the artistic side-track. Skimming it, it largely related to his sorry state of his sexual apparatus, with an entire, very much too long paragraph dedicated to the (apparently numerous) people who asked why he didn't just take Viagra. That was as far as I got, too. Bieeanshee fucked around with this message at 03:49 on Jul 22, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 03:46
|
|
|
Rand Brittain posted:Surely we won't be carrying this far enough to get to Grey Murphy, will we? I plan to go as far as I can stand. So we'll see. Chapter 7 sees Bink heading home along a broad path. He is happy with it, except that there's a region with small holes caused by 'the wiggles' - a sort of flying worm that drills through anything in its way. (I honestly have no idea if this is a pun.) Of course, there are no wiggles any more - they're all destroyed now, and there are no signs of another spawn, though in theory it might happen. Bink reaches the Gap again, but this time Humfrey has told him of an invisible bridge over it, which he uses. quote:Yet his long detour had not been an entire loss. He had participated in the rape hearing, and helped the shade, and witnessed some fantastic illusions, and rescued Crombie the soldier, and generally learned a lot more about the land of Xanth. He wouldn't care to do it all over again, but the experience had made him grow. As Bink heads to take a drink at a nearby spring, he spots strange plants that he's never seen before, like a strawberry plant growing beechnuts, and is warned by a creature not to drink. quote:He glanced up into the trees. A birdlike thing perched there, possibly a variety of harpy. She had full woman-breasts and a coiled snake tail. Nothing to concern him, so long as she kept her distance. Bink decides to leave, and the harpy mocks him, then tries to poo poo on him when he throws a rock at her. Bink realizes that she might be able to help him get through the peace pines. quote:Then he had a bright idea. "Hey you--birdbrain!" he called up into the foliage. "Stay away from me, or I'll stuff your tail down your filthy throat!" And so he's not worried about the peace spell. The harpy laughs at him as he gets caught in "glow-briers", whatever those are. (Again, I have no idea if this is a pun - it's a bit baffling.) The harpy follows him all the way to centaur territory before giving up, since she doesn't feel like getting shot. The centaurs are happy to have him over for the night in exchange for a story, and Bink finally gets home, though he wishes the harpy had not been needed, since he didn't like her cursing. He gets mocked by the local bullies when he arrives, and heads to the King's court for his trial of talent. The King is impressively bearded but senile and with only weak magic now. quote:"What talent do you proffer to justify your citizenship?" the master of ceremonies asked Bink. He was Munly, a friend of Roland's; Bink knew the man would do everything he could to help, but he was duty-bound to follow the forms Pun Count: 10. quote:Something like fire lighted the old monarch's ashy eye momentarily. "This counts for naught," he mumbled. "Humfrey is not King; I am!" He let the paper drop to the ground. Munly's power is conjuring small things to his hand. He takes the canteen with Bink's permission and offers it to the King, but the King just gets mad at the implication that he is sick, and he pours out the healing water. Bink believes this may be because of the curse of the Spring. Munly apologizes quietly, and then demands he demonstrate his magic. He tries, but nothing comes of it. His mother is crying, his father is cold and angry, and his fiance won't even look at him. The bullies are, of course, smirking. Bink cannot demonstrate his power, and is sentenced to exile. He hikes out towards the isthmus, where he will be sent to Mundania. quote:Again he hiked. This time he headed westward, toward the isthmus. He carried a new staff and a hatchet and his knife; and his canteen had been refilled with conventional water. Bianca had provided more excellent sandwiches, flavored by her tears. He had nothing from Sabrina; he had not seen her at all since the decision. Xanth law did not permit an exile to take more than he could conveniently carry, and no valuables, for fear of attracting unwanted attention from the Mundanes. Though the Shield protected Xanth, it was impossible to be too safe. Bink is surprisingly upbeat, however. He isn't sure why. It's not because he will be among 'his own kind' with the Mundanes, ie, folks without magic, since he knows he has it, he just doesn't know what it is. And he's not upbeat because he wanted to be apart from his family, who hadn't helped him, because he doesn't think they should break the law to help him, much as he didn't want to break the law by accepting Iris' deal. He doesnt' blame them. quote:And Sabrina--what then of her? She too had refused to cheat. Yet he felt she lacked the commitment of his parents to principle. She would have cheated, had she had sufficient reason. Her surface integrity was because she had not been moved strongly by Bink's misfortune. Her love had not been deep enough. She had loved him for the magic talent she had been convinced he had, as the son of strongly talented parents. The loss of that potential talent had undercut that love. She had not really wanted him as a person. Bink approaches the Shield station, explaining that he's an exile and has to be let through the Shield. The Shield will open for exactly five seconds, for one man-sized hole. If Bink misses it, he's going to die. Apparently the Shield is made by a shieldstone, found a century ago by the Magician Ebnez. quote:Bink had heard of the Magician Ebnez, one of the great historical figures. In fact, Ebnez was in Bink's family tree. He had been able to adapt things magically. In his hands a hammer could become a sledgehammer, or a piece of wood could become a section of window-frame. Whatever existed became whatever was needed--within certain limits. He could not adapt air into food, for example, or make a suit of clothing out of water. But it had been amazing what he could do. So he had adapted a potent deathstone into the Shieldstone, killing at a set distance instead of up close, and thereby he had fashioned the salvation of Xanth. What a proud achievement! Bink approaches the Shield, which occasionally gets littered by the corpses of animals foolish enough to jump through and is lined by dead plants. So far, no human mundanes have been killed. Bink realizes his distraction in pondering this may have meant he missed the Shield opening, but he goes through and makes it alive. He is now forever banished outside Xanth and not to return. Pun Count: Probably 10 by the end of Chapter 7.
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 04:08
|
|
|
Bieeardo posted:I came across an issue of his newsletter from god knows when, while trying to identify the book with the artistic side-track. Skimming it, it largely related to his sorry state of his sexual apparatus, with an entire, very much too long paragraph dedicated to the (apparently numerous) people who asked why he didn't just take Viagra. If you want to know how that problem was resolved, http://www.hipiers.com/13jan.html (DON'T ACTUALLY READ THIS)
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 04:19
|
|
|
You know, I was not expecting gryffon-on-unicorn action. And yet the thing that sticks out to me from that paragraph is not the action, but how Bink is totally disgusted with the idea of separate species having at it when he's basically lusted openly after, what, four species now?
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 04:30
|
|
|
xiw posted:If you want to know how that problem was resolved, http://www.hipiers.com/13jan.html Piers Anthony posted:I did not hit puberty until age 18 Uhh
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 04:35
|
|
|
Reading that blog entry really takes me back 15 years. Anthony is an engaging, likable guy, and his politics aren't all awful. Too bad he has a weird sexual fascination with kids which overrides all of it.
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 04:43
|
|
|
From what I remember, those 'love pools' are later blamed for the various (unique?) hybrid creatures that crop up from time to time. And also... bestiality! There's a completely throwaway character in one novel who's part girl, part griffon, the result of one of those pools, and she's looking for a name for her species-of-one. The protagonist suggests 'girlffon'. On to the next scene!
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 04:49
|
|
|
Piers Anthony posted:The mayor of the town of Brooksville, not far from from Inverness where I live, Lara Bradburn, opposes fluoridating the water supply despite health experts arguing for it. Is she a wing not? Not as I see it. I understand that fluoride was a waste product, until the big money interests decided to market it as a health product. You know how congress won't pass sensible gun legislation because the NRA pays them not to? How it took decades to get some action on cigarettes, because the Big Tobacco interests greased the right palms? How politicians serve the special interests instead of their constituents? Well, I think the right folk were paid to promote fluoridation, and I commend the mayor for taking a stand. She cites more than fifty studies that indicate fluoride is a known cause of disease, birth defects and other maladies. “This is not a myth,” she said. “The (dental) industry will not admit that this is a dangerous chemical we're giving our citizens.” Amen. Uhh
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 06:17
|
|
|
Chapter 8 finds Bink wandering through the Mundane landscape. He considers suicide, but decides not to. As he climbs through the mountains of the isthmus, he finds himself surrounded by armed men. He tries to run, but is blocked by one of the men. He knows that he should surrender, but he charges instead, attacking with his staff. He is tackled and quickly subdued, bound and gagged. And, more shockingly, the Mundanes tell him that if he tries any magic, he'll be knocked out. He nods, and they take him to the main tent of their army camp, on the other side of the pass. There are well over a thousand men here.quote:They brought him to the main tent. Here, in a screened enclosure, sat a handsome man in his forties, wearing some sort of green Mundane uniform, a sword, a neat mustache, and an emblem of command. "Here is the spy, General," the sergeant said respectfully. I think we now know more about what the General looks like than any other character except Humfrey: he has a moustache. The General orders Bink released and sends his men out. Bink is shocked by his confidence and prepares to attack and escape, but the General whips a sword out even before he can leap, and Bink nearly impales himself on it before the General puts it away. Bink decides not to start any more trouble. He introduces himself to the General, who gives his own name: Magician Trent, the exile. quote:"But Trent was---" Trent considers this unlikely, but accepts it. He asks Bink if he wants to go home, but Bink insists that there is no return. However, Trent reveals that he has developed a countermeasure to the Shield. Bink says he's a liar - he'd already have invaded. quote:"Well, there is a certain small problem of application. You see, what I have is an elixir distilled from a plant that grows on the very fringe of the magical zone. The magic extends somewhat beyond the Shield, you understand--otherwise the Shield itself wouldn't work, for it is magic and cannot operate beyond the magic demesnes. This plant, which seems to be of basically Mundane stock, competes at the fringe with the magical plants of Xanth. It is very difficult to compete with magic, so it evolved a very special property: it suppresses magic. Do you appreciate the significance?" Bink is horrified. This would give Trent enough time to get most of his army into Xanth - he only needs ten minutes, as they're very well-drilled. He's been preparing. Bink accuses him of planning conquest, but Trent says he'll use only the amount of force strictly necessary, as he doesn't want to ruin Xanth. He explains that his travels in Mundania have left him better educated and more sophisticated, having studied Mundane politics and strategy. But he needs Bink to provide the location of the Shieldstone, as he only has a quarter pound of elixir to show for two years of work, and the plants they make it from have basically been killed off by the work. Bink refuses to help. quote:"I am prepared to make you a very handsome offer, Bink. Virtually anything you might desire in Xanth. Wealth, authority, women--" Trent goes on a monologue about how travel in Mundania is good for the mind, and he feels every young man should go abroad for a year or two. He will make this a policy when he is King. He explains that Mundania is not terrible, and that is part of why Xanth needs more exposure. They have developed advanced philosophy, medicine and science - including guns, though Trent has deliberately not given any of his soldiers guns because he doesn't want them in Xanth. He explains carriages and boats and balloons, and the existence of nonmagical medicine, and the abacus, which Bink believes is impossible because there's no magic that can do math for you. Bink believes that there must not be many Mundanes, and refuses to believe when Trent tells him there are millions of them or more. Besides, if they have flying balloons, why haven't they found Xanth? Trent explains that they don't believe in m,agic, and since the Shield went up, no magical animals have been sighted for nearly a century. He believes the Mundanes could, if they found it, destroy Xanth, so he wants to keep its location secret. He will place an amnesia spell or spell of silence on the kids he sounds out, except for a trusted few who will act as ambassadors seeking qualified recruits for colonization. quote:"The Fourth Wave again," Bink said. "Controlled colonization." When Bink keeps refusing him, Trent threatens to take him to the edge of the magic and turn him into a toad. Bink still refuses, and Trent seems about to make good on his threat when a soldier arrives saying that someone else has come through the Shield. Bink fears that it's true, because it means Trent will be able to do whatever he wants to Bink and get his information somewhere else. He then believes it might be a bluff to get him to talk. quote:"Well, you won't he needing me, then," Bink said. One thing about being turned into a toad--he couldn't tell the Magician anything at all in that form. He imagined a potential dialogue between man and toad: Trent orders the other Xanthian brought there, and is surprised to be told it's a woman. Bink is shocked, too. quote:A woman! Trent seemed mildly surprised, but Bink was amazed. This was not what he expected in a bluff. There was certainly no woman being exiled--and no man either. What was Trent trying to do? Bink has no idea what's going on. If it's Sabrina, he decides he'll tell Trent, but if it's a bluff, he'll not have to. It turns out not to be Sabrina. quote:Perhaps being a toad would not he so bad. No doubt flies would taste very good, and the lady toads would look as good as human girls did now. Maybe the great love of his life was waiting in the grass, warts and all... This is Fanchon, who claims to have never heard of Trent. He asks her ofr the location of the Shieldstone, but Bink tells her not to tell. She demands to know how Trent can be trusted. Trent says that he has no proof his word is good, but that it should be obvious that he'd have no malice towards anyone who helped him. She starts to tell him where the Shieldstone is, but Bink starts shouting at her and has to be removed from the tent. quote:Soldiers entered and grabbed him and hustled him out. He had accomplished nothing except to make it harder for himself. Pun Count: Still probably 10 by the end of Chapter 8.
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 16:50
|
|
|
Mors Rattus posted:I think we now know more about what the General looks like than any other character except Humfrey: he has a moustache. I think you meant to say any other male character there.
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 18:28
|
|
|
Unfit For Space posted:I think you meant to say any other male character there. Nah, women barely get described. We are told if they are hot or have big tits, but not what they look like. ...except Fanchon, I suppose, who has gnarled teeth. ...I suppose that does mean that women get about as much description as Trent, though, so you are correct.
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 18:34
|
|
|
I forgot about that scene with Iris and the rape trial, but I remember Fanchon and her aspect of Anthony's views on women.
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2013 23:04
|
|
|
Mors Rattus posted:Chapter 6 starts with Bink's arrival at the Good Magician Humfrey's castle. It is a big, tough-looking castle that Bink estimates would take an army of craftsmen a year to make. (This means it is probably kind of a lovely castle; castles take a long time to make using pre-modern methods.)
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 01:51
|
|
|
Zereth posted:Or that Bink doesn't have any idea what's involved in making a castle and is just kinda guessing because he doesn't have much knowledge of the world, being only Also, magic I mean things grow on trees ready made there is probably a wallflower that you can literally pluck to get pre-made walls to stick together. Elfgames fucked around with this message at 01:57 on Jul 23, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 01:53
|
|
|
Elfgames posted:Also, magic I mean things grow on trees ready made there is probably a wallflower that you can literally pluck to get pre-made walls to stick together. I hate you. Anyway, the castle itself is a spell which allows Humphrey to change its configuration for every new Questioner that shows up so that the three tests are always different. The year of service tends to be used most mundanely to staff the tests. Edit: I read all of these until a couple years ago. I think I made it one or two past the one where one of the three triplet princess sorceresses who is like 8 falls in love with a 25 or something year old man and has her sister help her summon her 18 year old self so that she can summon the stork with him. I think she used a love spring. A baby ends up being delivered to the 8 year old girl but the baby is actually an older child due to some confusion due to the age spell I guess and they have to hide what happened. This is the major plot of the book. After that I finally gave up on the series. I can take a lot of bad but that was just horrid. Victorkm fucked around with this message at 04:09 on Jul 23, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 04:03
|
|
|
Oh you know there loving are if Anthony found a place to shoehorn them in.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 04:07
|
|
|
Victorkm posted:Edit: I read all of these until a couple years ago. I think I made it one or two past the one where one of the three triplet princess sorceresses who is like 8 falls in love with a 25 or something year old man and has her sister help her summon her 18 year old self so that she can summon the stork with him. I think she used a love spring. A baby ends up being delivered to the 8 year old girl but the baby is actually an older child due to some confusion due to the age spell I guess and they have to hide what happened. This is the major plot of the book. How'd you even manage to last that long? After I somehow finished the first three without being repulsed, I randomly picked up another from the library; some story about a girl named Debra whose name made people try to remove her bra. I quickly put it down and just gave up on Xanth.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 04:45
|
|
|
Unguided posted:How'd you even manage to last that long? After I somehow finished the first three without being repulsed, I randomly picked up another from the library; some story about a girl named Debra whose name made people try to remove her bra. I quickly put it down and just gave up on Xanth. Started in middle school and just never gave it up till I was like 27.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 05:24
|
|
|
This is just further evidence that Mors Rattus is not actually a person but instead some sort of book summarizing machine. And, if anyone hasn't read Bio of a Space Tyrant, count yourself lucky. Not only was is super rape-y, but as a bonus, it was also fascinatingly retarded political allegory. For instance, the people from Mars are in charge of the fuel that all space ships run on. They wear turbans. They are also corrupt and cheating the rest of the world by charging much more than the fuel costs to get. Now, this was so subtle that he felt it nessiccary to put a list in the back of the book spelling out his "allegory" to the tune of JUPITER = UNITED STATES, SATURN = RUSSIA, MARS = MIDDLE EAST, etc. Also, by the fourth book, the fifty-ish main character has a mentally retarded teenage girl who is a savant when it comes to languages and she helps him translate the strange and poetic language of the people on Mars. He also fucks her. A lot. Seriously though, I can take or leave blunt allegory, but I'm not exaggerating about the rape. Ignoring all of the rapes that happen throughout the books (at least one a book, if I'm not mistaken), by far the worst offense is when (Don't say I didn't warn you) the main character has to win a knife fight with a pirate princess and then rape her so they can get married and get all the good pirates on his side. She then grows to like it and love him for his manly power oh god I wish I could forget this.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 05:24
|
|
|
I think I tapped out after Faun and Games. It wasn't even the creepyness, I only realized most of that years later. It was just how loving bad the books had gotten. Faun and Games was basically unreadable and that was 15 books ago
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 05:33
|
|
|
Capfalcon posted:And, if anyone hasn't read Bio of a Space Tyrant, count yourself lucky. I think I read the first book of that in 5th or 6th grade, and maybe the 2nd one later. I started with the Xanth series when I was in 3rd grade. I'm pretty sure my parents should have watched me a lot closer cause in hindsight that may not have been totally appropriate. Though amusingly one of my 5th grade teachers read the first book in the Apprentice Adept series and immediately banned all Piers Anthony books at my elementary school. I'd already gotten several of my friends to read them, I was a bad influence.  I also have a signed copy of killobyte and some other book, he wished me a harpy birthday in one, since I lived in florida. He talked about how he wrote his books for adults and was surprised that he had so many young fans, back in like the early 90s or so.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 05:47
|
|
|
Capfalcon posted:And, if anyone hasn't read Bio of a Space Tyrant, count yourself lucky. Not only was is super rape-y, but as a bonus, it was also fascinatingly retarded political allegory. For instance, the people from Mars are in charge of the fuel that all space ships run on. They wear turbans. They are also corrupt and cheating the rest of the world by charging much more than the fuel costs to get. Now, this was so subtle that he felt it nessiccary to put a list in the back of the book spelling out his "allegory" to the tune of JUPITER = UNITED STATES, SATURN = RUSSIA, MARS = MIDDLE EAST, etc. You know what makes me angriest about Bio of a Space Tyrant? A series I read cover to cover, no matter how squeamish I was getting with each successive novel (probably helped I was 12 or 13 at the time and didn't fully comprehend some of the most awful bits)? This was the only loving series at the time with a Latino protagonist I could find. The protagonist and his family are from a Mexican colony on one of the outer planets' moons. And the kid grows up to be the emperor of the solar system? gently caress yeah, I was in! As a Mexican-American kid, this was such a big deal to me I don't even know how to express it---even if it was written by a weird English guy with a penchant for puns and lovely gender characterizations (even at that age, I recognized that much). But every book involved sexual humiliation (almost always rape, plus there invariably would be a minor involved by each book's end), a lazy "women be different from men" attitude toward gender roles, and some pretty disgusting ideas of how government should work. (One colony the protagonist visits has a problem with law enforcement being stretched too thin. The solution? Stop enforcing penalties for victimless crimes... like rape. Yes, that was the specific example in the book.) This. This series. This was finally me reflected in the literature I was reading... and this is what it wound up being. Capfalcon posted:Also, by the fourth book, the fifty-ish main character has a mentally retarded teenage girl who is a savant when it comes to languages and she helps him translate the strange and poetic language of the people on Mars. He also fucks her. A lot. I don't think she was even a teenager---11 or 12---but I have no interest in researching whether I remember that correctly. Oh, but I do remember (spoiler tag for offensiveness) the woman with the split personality, who every now and then would turn from friendly companion to psychotic assassin and could only switch back by the main character tying her down and raping her. Which he did a fair amount of. I will say this: I did appreciate that for the most part, Anthony did often try to write hard science fiction. That probably was what kept me reading stuff like Bio of a Space Tyrant or the Tarot series, despite the many problematic aspects of it (that and again, I was reading this from middle school to partway through high school): he would set the one or two things that strain or exist outside of modern physics, but then work assiduously to make it work logically and not break any other rules of physics. (Or at least that's how I remember it.)
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 08:28
|
|
|
ibntumart posted:You know what makes me angriest about Bio of a Space Tyrant? A series I read cover to cover, no matter how squeamish I was getting with each successive novel (probably helped I was 12 or 13 at the time and didn't fully comprehend some of the most awful bits)? This was the only loving series at the time with a Latino protagonist I could find. The protagonist and his family are from a Mexican colony on one of the outer planets' moons. And the kid grows up to be the emperor of the solar system? gently caress yeah, I was in! I'd completely spaced (har har) on the whole "He started out as an Illegal Immigrant... In SPAAAAACE" part. And I'm not shocked to learn that there was even more rape than I remember. Depressed, but not shocked.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 09:01
|
|
|
Capfalcon posted:I'd completely spaced (har har) on the whole "He started out as an Illegal Immigrant... In SPAAAAACE" part.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 09:20
|
|
|
Nessus posted:What I remember isn't the rape. It's the cannibalism! Even that involved some shoehorned in rape, dude. Remember when Hope accidentally dreamed about the dead bodies offering themselves as a solution and the adults interpreted that as cannibalism? And how delirious Hope was? Remember the implication that to help him get through his psychotic break, his little sister Spirit slept with him to calm him down? So both rape and incest, oh, and underage sex as well, so that's a Piers Perfect Trifecta. (note: highlight the spoiler at your own risk) Ugh, I am having Bio of a Space Tyrant flashbacks now and it's not pretty.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 09:37
|
|
|
Bink, as of the start of Chapter 9, has been hurled into a pit. There's bars over the top, so he can't climb out. Fanchon is soon sent in after him. Bink catches her, and, well...quote:"Now, I know my beauty didn't overwhelm you," she remarked as they disentangled. Fanchon claims that she got hurled in after lying to Trent about where the stone was, claiming it was under the King's throne. Bink doesn't trust her, and doesn't risk mentioning whether or not she was wrong. Fanchon also appears to know his story already, which surprises Bink but makes him think she's probably telling the truth. quote:"I wasn't exiled, if that's what you're thinking," Fanchon said. "They don't yet ban people for being ugly. I emigrated voluntarily." Fanchon then explains how she thinks Trent will try to bribe them and tempt them with food and water and turn them against each other. quote:"You have a gruesomely quick comprehension." Fanchon and Bink begin secretly plotting to escape. Trent offers to let them have a tent if they promise not to interfere with him, but they decline after Fanchon tells Bink that it's a bad idea. He sends them down some cake and wine, and Fanchon suggests one of them try it, then wait to see if they are poisoned. quote:"Ladies first," Bink said. If the food were drugged and she were a spy, she wouldn't touch it. Trent is impressed at the system they set up to test each other, but claims that he'd just kill them if he wanted them dead. He offers to turn Fanchon beautiful, and Bink worries that she'll be tempted; she isn't. quote:"Go away," Fanchon said to Trent, "before I throw a mudball at you." But then she thought of something else. "If you're really going to leave us here, at least give us some sanitary facilities. A bucket and a curtain. If I had a lovely posterior I might not mind the lack of privacy, but as it is I prefer to be modest." Bink then tries to explain that Trent really can make her beautiful, but Fanchon claims it wouldn't work, even if she were willing to take the offer. It rains, getting the pit muddy, and Fanchon gets to work on her escape plan. She's making bricks, and makes small talk with Bink about the girls he knew to hide her work. She uses the word 'chameleon' as the signal she should hide it, and Bink worries this might be an omen of his own death. quote:"Were they pretty?" Her hands were blurred by the night, but he could hear the little slaps of mud and rustle of hay. She could be using the hay to contribute fiber to the mud brick. But the whole thing was crazy. Did she intend to build a brick privy? Fanchon claims she lived near the Gap. She thinks the forget spell on it was placed by Humfrey, but it's not strong enough that Bink would forget, since he had such a shocking experience with the shade and the dragon there. quote:Fanchon was making bricks again. "Any other girls?" Bink asks her why she came to Mundania again, since she's still ugly. Fanchon explains that it takes time for magic to fade, and Bink points out that means Iris could retain her illusion for a time. Fanchon gets a bit annoyed, and starts to explain her second reason for leaving, which somehow involves Bink, but is interrupted by Trent arriving again. He has decided to show them his talent works, and tries to convince them again to join his side. Fanchon points out that he's right when he says Bink deserves better than he got, and claims she's on his side and will go with what he decides, but isn't sure the Storm King deserves that loyalty. Trent offers to give them veto power over his transformations, to keep him from being a tyrant, but Fanchon points out that'd just make them complicit with his actions and corrupt them easily. Trent says that's only if they were not morally superior to him, in which case it'd be good they learned it. Bink is tempted, but decides not to because Trent doesn't have a reputation for keeping his word. Trent leaves again. Fanchon continues brickmaking, hiding them in the toilet cubicle. Trent comes back, telling them that if they don't tell him what he wants, he will turn one of them into a cockatrice and the other a basilisk, putting them in the same cage. quote:Bink and Fanchon looked at each other with complete dismay. Cockatrice and basilisk--two names for the same thing: a winged reptile hatched from a yolk-less egg laid by a rooster and hatched by a toad in the warmth of a dungheap. The stench of its breath was so bad that it wilted vegetation and shattered stone, and the very sight of its face would cause other creatures to keel over dead. Basilisk--the little king of the reptiles. Fanchon thinks he's bluffing, so Trent decides to demonstrate. He has them climb out of the pit, then brings them to the edge of the Shield. He explains that he managed to get exiled because he was betrayed by a trusted aide, who put a sleep spell on him before they passed him through the Shield. He claims it won't happen again because the reason it happened was he broke his word when he considered there to be sufficient reason, so other people were faithless with him, but now, he never lies or deceives anyone, ever, so no one deceives him. Trent turns Fanchon into a basilisk, and his soldiers shove her in a cage before she can kill anyone. He then turns Bink into one as well. Bink kills a soldier with his gaze, then gets caught and put in the cage. quote:He saw the curling, barbed tail of another of his kind. A female. But her back was to him. His cockatrice nature took over. He didn't want company. When he comes to, both he and Fanchon are human and back in the pit. They talk about how it seems basilisks can't kill each other, and how Trent's power is genuine. quote:"I know. You made a hell of an ugly basilisk." They also discuss how the creatures had gender, so apparently they don't know as much as they thought about basilisks, since according to legend, they shouldn't have any gender or sex. They also realize that while the power is real, it's a bluff, since if they escape to Mundania they will eventually turn back. All he can really threaten to do is kill them. quote:She looked at him. Her face was still ugly, but there was something special in it now. "You know, you're quite a man, Bink." Fanchon explains her plan - stand on the bricks, lift up the cage bars and climb up. The bars are just held down by gravity on the assumption that they'd never have leverage or strength to lift it. Then, they can raid the elixir storage and destroy it. Bink decides he's starting to like Fanchon. Pun Count: Probably still 10 by the end of Chapter 9.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 13:40
|
|
|
Ugh. I just did a bit of side reading, to confirm or dispel a suspicion. gently caress you, Piers Anthony. Just... gently caress you. Ugh.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 15:02
|
|
|
Bieeardo posted:Ugh. Care to elaborate on your findings?
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 16:24
|
|
|
It's pretty central to A Spell for Chameleon, otherwise I would. Don't want to stomp on Mors' toes like that.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 16:34
|
|
|
Chapter 10 begins with Bink and Fanchon escaping the pit.quote:As his muscles tightened, he suddenly realized that this was Fanchon's real reason for demanding the privacy curtain of the privy. It had not been to hide her unsightly anatomy, but to hide the bricks--so they would be preserved for this moment, this effort to escape. And he had never caught on. Fanchon realizes that the elixir is on a nearby ship, which is heavily guarded. Bink again thinks about how smart and ugly she is. They swim out towards the ship after stripping down, and lights come up. quote:Then the hue and cry commenced back at the prison pit. Lights flared everywhere, moving around like fire-flies---but setting no fires. Bink had an infusion of new strength. "We've got to get there fast," he gasped. Pun Count: 12. They make it to the ship, and Fanchon volunteers to be a distraction as Bink sneaks aboard. She pretends to be drowning, and Bink starts throwing folks overboard. He puts Crombie's teachings to good use, but the last of the sailors nearly takes him out before Fanchon shows up and kicks the guy into unconsciousness. Honestly, I think she may be the most competent person in the story right now. They haul anchor, and Bink explains that Crombie taught him how to throw a guy, and that's why they have an unconscious prisoner. They have a brief discussion about Dee again, and Bink realizes they're being pursued - and have no idea how to sail. He plans to dump the elixir overboard, but Fanchon convinces him to hold it hostage instead. When they go below to get the elixir, they run into a dog. Neither of them has ever seen one, because there are no more dogs in Xanth. (Also cats or horses.) They ponder whether they have to kill it, and think that it may be a rare and endangered creature. Eventually, they ecide to wake up the unconscious sailor and get him to handle the dog. He explains that the dog, Jennifer, will be fine if you just say her name, pat her and feed her. He has a broken collarbone, so they can't throw him overboard. The soldier also claims that Trent isn't a monster like they keep saying. quote:"He's promised you all the spoils of Xanth?" Fanchon asked, with an edge to her voice. This is an in-character pun but gently caress it, I'm counting it. Pun Count: 13. quote:"What's a bitch?" Bink asked. Fanchon tells the soldier that Trent's an evil magician and won't keep his word. She and Bink also confirm that magic exists. The soldier talks about how Trent spent twenty years in his country, and even had a family, though they died of plague. Trent decided to return home because magic could have saved his family. They make the sailor relatively comfortable, and are rather baffled by the fact that the other ship can tack against the wind. Bink befriends the dog and takes the elixir, but a new problem arises: they're going to sail into the Shield. They drop the anchor and flee in a lifeboat, but Trent is right behind them. Bink makes a poor oarman while Fanchon holds the vial hostage. The current keeps carrying them towards the Shield, and they try to aim for a nearby island. quote:But Bink, fatigued, was distracted. In the erratic moonlight, blotted out intermittently by the thickening, fast-moving clouds above, her naked body lost some of its shapelessness and assumed the suggestion of more feminine contours. Shadow and imagination could make her halfway attractive---and that embarrassed him; because he had no right to think of such things. Fanchon could be a good companion, if only-- They manage to get to the island, but they lose the elixir. Bink spots a sea monster (a crocodile, in fact), and Fanchon beats it away with an oar, but the rock they are clinging to is too slippery and the boat is carried out from under them. Sharks attack, though Bink thinks they're also monsters. Except that another monster appears - a one-eyed creature with a round snout, which turns out to be Trent in diving gear. He has shark repellent, but the area is very dangerous. He demands the vial, but Fanchon flees, and the three get caught up in a melee underwater, then a whirlpool. Bink is convinced they will all drown. Pun Count: Probably 13 by the end of chapter 10.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 21:04
|
|
|
Previous Posters posted:Bio of a Space Tyrant Rape. Incest. Cannibalism. Wow. I don't even remember why I couldn't get through the first book of that series despite liking pretty much everything else Anthony wrote. I want to say that it doesn't sound that much different from the bullshit in the Mode series, though. I'm pretty sure I only read the last book of that pile due to some sunk cost of time convincing myself it would be a waste if I didn't see it through to the end.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 21:12
|
|
|
I'd like to see someone take on the Sword of Truth series at some point. I first got into it because there was a Piers Anthony blurb on the cover of the first book, which in retrospect should have been a red flag the size of the moon
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2013 23:23
|
|
|
Oh god, the Sword of Truth. Come for the Libertarian BDSM, stay for the evil chicken.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2013 00:02
|
|
|
Oh, my. It looks like my memory of the horrible awful center of this book has overshadowed all of the lesser, orbiting awfulness... Any plans to do the Crossroads Adventure books? I have literally no memory of them other than that they existed... On the general P.A. corpus, his science fiction (excluding Bio, becuase yeah) tends to be his best/least bad work. Macroscope and Chthon were both actually promising first works for a novellist-the first of those is not without some of his creepiness, but it isn't normalized like it is later at least. And the Cluster series is, well, half a fairly decent space opera setting and half alien pornography. But the aliens are sufficiently alien that it's, well, weird in different and largely less awful ways. Avoid, though, at all costs, the spin-off Tarot series. The best thing one can possibly say about them is that they aren't Firefly.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2013 00:04
|
|
|
Chapter 11 proves that, sadly, Bink has not drowned. Instead, he awakens in the sandy company of green tentacles. He, Trent and Fanchon have both survived, and are now in a phosphorescent cave. It is the lair of a 'kraken seaweed', which pulled them out of the water to eat, but was taken out by the vial of elixir, which broke on it. Very lucky, that. Apparently, they went underneath the Shield, which doesn't extend that far underwater. Trent says he saved Bink because it was the right thing to do, which confuses Bink.quote:Trent smiled. Naked, he was fully as impressive as before. Despite his age, he was a fit and powerful man. "It does seem ironic that the evil should be saved along with the good. Perhaps human definitions are not always honored by nature. But I, like you, am a realist. I don't pretend to understand how we got here--but I do not question that we are here. Getting to land may be more problematical, however. We are hardly out of danger yet." Fanchon studies the currents of the water, and has realized there is an exit to the cave underwater. quote:Bink was impressed again with her intelligence. Every time he caught her doing something stupid, it turned out to be the opposite. She was an ordinary, if ugly, girl, but she had a mind that functioned efficiently. She had plotted their escape from the pit, and their subsequent strategy, and it had nullified Trent's program of conquest. Now she was at it again. Too bad her appearance fell down. Trent has already realized this, of course. He has been pondering a way to get out without drowning. Suddenly, the kraken starts to come back to life - it was just stunned by the elixir. Trent proposes a truce until they manage to get out, but Fanchon doesn't trust him - he'll use his powers on them once they're out. Trent thanks her for reminding him, and then explains that it won't stop the kraken because of the elixir, and also because its body is too far away. Fanchon leaps into the water to escape Trent and the kraken, but Bink is caught by the plant. Trent saves him, and they manage to swim through the tunnel, finding another cave with air in it. quote:Heads turned their way. Human heads, on human torsos--very nice feminine ones. Their faces were elfin, their tresses flowing in magical iridescence over slender bare shoulders and perfectly erect breasts. But the lower quarters merged into fish's tails. These were mermaids. The mermaids prove completely useless at helping them get to the surface, preferring to spend their time feeling up Bink. No, really. quote:Several mermaids plunged into the water, tails flashing, and swam toward Bink In a moment he was surrounded. Up close, .the creatures were even prettier than from afar. Each one had a perfect complexion, resulting from the natural action of the water, and their breasts floated somewhat, making them seem fuller. Maybe he had been exposed to Fanchon too long; the sight of all this loveliness gave him strange sensations of excitement and nostalgia. If he could grab them all at once---but no, they were mermaids, not his type at all. Bink suggests they take Trent's truce until they get to land. Fanchon accepts, and just in time - the tritons, or mermen, are arriving, and they're rather more violent than the mermaids. Trent turns Bink and Fanchon into sea turtles, after explaining to Bink that he doesn't want to transform the tritons because the three technically are intruders. He can't transform himself, so they have to swim out with him hanging on. He then turns them back, as promised. There's a brief digression about how the people he transforms get the minds of what they become, except Justin Tree, whom he made into a special kind of tree that thinks like a person, which takes more effort. A sea serpent approaches them, and Trent is forced to transform it. He doesn't like to do so - they're intruding and it's just doing its normal thing - but he does it anyway. He turns it into a mundane lovebug. (Not a pun - a real one.) Once they are safe on land, Trent turns the serpent back. Bink thinks that he seems to have more affinity for monsters than humans. quote:Odd that Humfrey, the Good Magician, was an ugly little gnome in a forbidding castle, selfishly using his magic to enrich himself, while Trent was the epitome of hero material. The Sorceress Iris had seemed lovely and-sexy, but was in fact nondescript; Humfrey's good qualifies were manifest in his actions, once a person really got to know him. But Trent, so far, had seemed good in both appearance and deed, at least on the purely personal level. If Bink had met him for the first time in the kraken's cave and hadn't known the man's evil nature, he would never have guessed it. Bink and Fanchon decide they need to nap, and Trent offers to extend their truce until they get to safe lands. quote:"Bink's an exile, you're banished, and I'm ugly," Fanchon muttered. "We'll never be out of trouble." Fanchon decides sticking with Trent is worse, and rejects the offer. quote:Trent spread his hands. "I realize you do not trust me, and perhaps you have reason. I believe your security and mine would be enhanced if we cooperated a little longer, but I shall not force my company on you." He walked south along the beach. Bink goes to take a nap. When he awakens, however, he is fastened to the ground by carnivorous grass. He tries to get Fanchon to help, but she doesn't come. He suspects she must be enchanted to sleep. He calls for help...but all that does is summon a harpy. quote:A shadow fell on him. "Hi!" a shrill voice cried. It was a harpy, cousin to the one he had met on the way back to the North Village. She was every bit as ugly, smelly, and obnoxious--and now she was dangerous. She descended slowly, her talons reaching down, twitching. The other harpy had seen him healthy, so had stayed well out of reach--though she might have descended had he actually drunk from the Spring of Love. Ugh! This one saw him helpless. The harpy starts mocking Bink as she prepares to disembowel him. That's when an argus arrives - a sort of weird, tusked landfish. It attacks the harpy, then turns to eat Bink, but is interrupted by a catoblepas, which is like a medusa-headed lizard-bull thing. Piers Anthony appears to be mainlining 2e Monster Manuals. Bink escapes in the confusion, fighting off the harpy, who is the only one to notice. He tries to strangle her, but she escapes. Bink then goes looking for Fanchon. quote:No! She had to be somewhere. Maybe down by the sea, catching fish, out of hearing. She had been invaluable during the past two days, and unswervingly loyal to the welfare of Xanth. Without her he could never have escaped the power of the Evil Magician. For intelligence and personality she had it all over the other girls he had met. Too bad she wasn't-- Bink finds her under a tree, too lethargic to move. She is trapped by a lethargy tree, and Bink can't move her because he gets too weak when he gets close. She seems to be in danger of sleeping forever, and Bink goes hunting for some way to save her. He tries to get a vine, but is attacked by a land kraken - basically, the same as the killer seaweed from before, but on land. He cuts the vine to make it let go and escapes, finding Trent. He tries to get Trent to help, but Trent ignores him completely, staring at some kind of gourd. It isn't until he knocks the gourd away that Trent responds, as if he'd just shown up. Trent has lost an hour since he started watching the gourd. He concludes that it is hypnotic - look in the hole on the gourd and you get stuck in place. Bink is shocked that a Magician got trapped, but Trent explains that he's hardly invulnerable - he needs help just like anyone. He just has a better weapon than most. Bink says he wants to take up the truce, and needs Trent's help to save Fanchon. Trent goes, cuts off a vine and saves her, in the span of about three sentences. This time, Fanchon agrees to the truce. Pun Count: Probably still 13 by the end of chapter 11.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2013 00:31
|
|
|
e: I'm an idiot
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2013 00:38
|
|
|
Mors Rattus posted:e: I'm an idiot 
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2013 00:44
|
|
|
Zereth posted:Well yes, you're reading Xanth aren't you? I'd think of it more along the lines of martyr for the cause of making sure no one ever lets children read Piers Anthony.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2013 01:24
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 4, 2024 06:32 |
|
|
Thranguy posted:Oh, my. It looks like my memory of the horrible awful center of this book has overshadowed all of the lesser, orbiting awfulness... I don't know about that. The minionettes from Chthon and its sequel Phthor definitely bring the creepy: a race of beautiful alien women who experience love and hate reversed. Being loved causes them pain, while being hated, and even hurt, is ecstasy for them. So they go around manipulating men into despising and abusing them. I agree that the Cluster books are probably the best choice for someone who, for whatever reason, wants to read PA without being exposed to lethal doses of weirdness. I don't recall Incarnations of Immortality (the first couple books, at least) or the first series of Split Infinity books being all THAT awful outside of the occasional strangeness eruption. But admittedly that might be nostalgia goggles.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2013 01:25
|
|
