RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Sirotan posted:

Enjoy:

(At least, this is what I'm assuming Caged was referring to. If not, this picture still rules.)

Aww! It's the little fan that could! It thinks it's an outboard motor!

# ¿ Jan 24, 2014 00:10

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 22:07

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

evol262 posted:

This must have been the world's smallest outage, I guess.

Out for about 10 minutes here.

# ¿ Jan 24, 2014 20:24

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Collateral Damage posted:

A friend of mine used to work for an electronics development company, and they were having problems with their development boards. They'd work fine after assembly, but a day or two later they'd just stop working, as if the memory chips were going bad. By chance they found the cause when one of the guys worked late one night and spotted the office cleaners making their rounds, going into the testing lab and dusting everything off. Including the boards. With an antistatic duster.

Suffice to say that cleaning company found their contract terminated very quickly.

Reminds me of this:

vail@tegra.UUCP (Johnathan Vail) posted:

Subject: Faulty IC's
Date: 6 Feb 89

A friend worked for a company that made IC's. It seemed that
every few months their yields would go down to about zero.
Analysis of the failures showed all sorts of organic material
was introduced into the process somewhere but they couldn't
figure out where. One evening someone was working late and came
into the lab. There he found the maintenance crew cooking
pizza in the chip curing ovens!

found here: http://www.speedygrl.com/funnies/texts/computer.folklore.from.net.rumors.html

# ¿ Jan 26, 2014 19:30

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Migishu posted:

User is having issues loading a file within SAP from within a virtual machine.

Ticket reaches us (since we handle VMs now, woo!), and we test everything. IE works fine and we're not able to find any problems elsewhere. So we sent the ticket to SAP support.

SAP support routes ticket back, stating "client has 12gb free on virtual machine, client should only have 3-4gb free. Please reduce free space on VM"

I umm... er... what?

Clearly they're using a 32-bit int to pick up the free space and it's getting confuzzled. Clearly.

# ¿ Feb 4, 2014 21:39

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

.. to remove spyware from someone's laptop. Running Windows 8. So hosed up it won't even boot to desktop.

New computers are one long string of procedural gently caress yous here.

Want to go into safe mode? You're hosed; the only way to do that in Windows 8 is to reboot into safe mode from normal mode (you know, the mode that probably doesn't work if you're trying to go safe mode) or to physically interrupt the boot process so many times that Windows decides on its own to go into safe mode.

Want to boot off a CD? You're hosed, UEFI bios and "Secure Boot". At least for right now we can turn those off, but eventually they'll just take that option away.

I want to run off to Tibet and become a monk.

EDIT: It just got better. Want to manually install and update Malwarebytes because the spyware is blocking the update site? You're hosed, you have to install Malwarebytes on another computer, update THAT, then pull the files across.

sfwarlock fucked around with this message at 19:59 on Feb 7, 2014

# ¿ Feb 7, 2014 19:54

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Assign a minion to burn a Linux CD with imgburn? You're hosed, imgburn now comes with spyware. Yes, you can opt-out, but your minion doesn't know enough to do that, and you shouldn't have to, that's loving sleazy. EDIT: And now you have two computers to clean. Well. One to clean and one to reimage, because at least you have an image for desktops except - you're hosed - you now have to call Microsoft and beg for more activations, because god forbid you should ever image a system, right?

Try to google for "System Speedup", the name of one of the malware installed? You're hosed, because Google will 'helpfully' return results for "PC speedup" and "computer speedup" and "registry cleaner". Yes, you can make Google verbatim, but you shouldn't have to, this is loving idiotic.

sfwarlock fucked around with this message at 20:44 on Feb 7, 2014

# ¿ Feb 7, 2014 20:41

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Flipperwaldt posted:

The ImgBurn I just downloaded from their homepage does not have spyware or adware or toolbars or whatever. So at this time it's not them being sleazy, but there are download sites that don't have qualms about bundling clean stuff with their own crap.

It's not the download site, it's them. Look at their forums, there's bitching all over it, and the author is like "it's not a problem, you can opt out :smug:

" and one of the mods posted "anyone who blindly clicks next through an installer deserves what they get".

This is malware. Right here. By any definition.

Calling it "Search Protect" is lovely. Hiding it behind "express" and "custom" is extra lovely.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2014 01:08

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Flipperwaldt posted:

I wonder if it made any difference that I picked the download from their own mirror, rather than the 3rd party ones listed on their site.

I did the same thing.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2014 02:35

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Theresa Frontpage posted:

At this point ninite is the safest way to install pretty much any of the programs listed on the site. Especially if you're having to get a user to do it themselves. Everybody seems to be bundling conduit with their products now, how the hell much money do those guys have? Why are so many companies who develop free software suddenly okay about including straight-up malware with their product? They must be waving around really fat stacks of cash to be so omnipresent in the world of free windows software. I have to de-conduit at least 2 pcs a week at this point.

I'm just waiting until they get past ninite's auto-system somehow. Or like... make you solve a captcha not to install spyware.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2014 05:54

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

kareltherobot posted:

helldesk.

6 years here

BA in networking/information systems

I'm on the fast track to alcoholism and resenting the human race.

I don't know how you're not already there.

I would say pick a path and get appropriately certified. Like if you like networking, go Cisco. Servers, Red Hat Enterprise or Microsoft plus some sort of virtualization experience. A recruiter told me just before I got my current job: "Get certs in CCNA, VMWare, RHEL. Then I can find you five jobs in a week."

# ¿ Feb 10, 2014 23:55

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Rabbit season.

# ¿ Feb 11, 2014 02:58

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

TheLordOfKraa posted:

The user claimed that it broke in the overhead compartment on a fight

I had to look at that three times to make sure it was a typo.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2014 18:12

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

dogstile posted:

A ticket came in: Yeah, you're working in Wales this Valentines weekend Dog, good luck!

Why good luck you say? Go google UK weather right now. Check what places are hit the worst. I'll be in one of them.

Reminds me of the following bad joke:

"How do you get two giraffes in an (insert small car of your choice here)? Open the sunroof.

How do you get two elephants in a (car as above)? The only problem is trunk space...

How do you get two whales in a (car)? Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge."

# ¿ Feb 14, 2014 19:09

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Penguissimo posted:

Sounds like they're telling you to just go on your desks.

Exact wording loophole.

On topic, if I could draw, I would produce a comic strip describing my morning, but this is the script.

Panel 1: Employee arrives in conference room to sit in on conference call. In left hand, coffee; in right hand, Macbook Air.

Panel 2: the coffee tips and the employee with LIGHTNING reflexes grabs his laptop and FLINGS it to safety...

Panel 3: Right out the open window, four stories down onto concrete, then bouncing into the street under the wheels of a bus.

Panel 4: Our Fearless Hero the IT Guy (kind of resembling me, except 20 pounds lighter and with better hair) silently contemplates a pile of debris, facepalming.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2014 19:36

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

JohnnyCanuck posted:

(#3)
I don�t even want to know what that is.

It's both, clearly.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2014 20:02

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

HalloKitty posted:

I've definitely noticed that over time, Dell's site has got less useful.

It took me ten minutes earlier today just to find the link to chat with someone about a toasted motherboard.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2014 23:41

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Upper management will not upgrade off of XP and will not pay for continued XP support.

I've never seen so many different tableflip emoticons as are in our internal IT IRC room right now.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2014 18:35

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

They've already made it clear that any issues that come up are our fault because of course it's our job to keep the computers running right.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2014 18:42

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

GreenNight posted:

Tell them that you aren't Microsoft and you can't write security patches for holes that are not and will never be addressed. Seriously, that's some bullshit.

what they will hear is "BLAH BLAH aren't competent BLAH BLAH can't do job BLAH lazy".

# ¿ Mar 10, 2014 19:12

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

I would honestly straight up email most of my vendors and ask them for an email informing me that Windows XP will no longer be supported and instructing me that if we want to continue using their software, we need to upgrade to 7.

I can just see getting a swarmy email saying that we already "agreed" to provide support*, pointing out that it's not really a good political move to tell VPs and C- levels no, and bringing up the budget ($0).

(*: People making promises on my behalf is one of my least favorite things, right up there with focus-stealing.)

Knormal posted:

When April rolls around some whitehat needs to start hacking into networks through all the XP holes that are bound to pop up and just start leaving text files on their shares saying "Hi, I was able to gain access to your network via XP security hole x, you need to upgrade". IT departments the world over would thank him.

Meanwhile upper management the world over would call for his arrest. Because he hacked! our network!

# ¿ Mar 10, 2014 20:43

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Wizard of the Deep posted:

"In an effort to ensure the safety and security of our corporate data, all network and email access to Windows XP machines will be terminated immediately. Please speak with your manager if this impacts your production."

The problem is, these are the managers. Not just managers, pretty high up managers.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2014 20:53

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

guppy posted:

but it has exactly one account and we don't have the password.

Memory stick, CHNTPW iso (or Hiren's), YUMI to make it bootable, blank pw, done.

# ¿ Mar 14, 2014 15:16

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Wilford Cutlery posted:

Outlook 2013 does not support Exchange 2003.

OWA for everyone! :suicide:

# ¿ Mar 18, 2014 19:20

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

nexxai posted:

Just a quick shout-out to Ubiquiti for their magical UniFi series of devices. I had 10 APs configured and working around our office in under 30 minutes (including walking time). Goddamn, why can't all hardware be this easy to setup?

Fair warning: They start acting weird if they're too close. They recommend 100-120 meters inbetween.

# ¿ Mar 18, 2014 23:56

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Naksu posted:

One of the Vectras has a note saying "OK 12.2.2004." I would like to know what part of a Pentium 166mhz was "ok" in 2004.

It powers up, it's ok.

Somewhere around then, I still had one of those around to run old DOS games. Then a friend and I went a little crazy and stuffed a 300mhz K6-2, 128 megs of ram and a ps/2 mouse port breakout board in it. Plus a full-length Soundblaster. It's probably still at my mom's, I should see if I can get some pictures this weekend.

# ¿ Mar 21, 2014 17:35

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

"I think there's something wrong with my dev environment."

code:

$ gcc hworld.c
hworld.c:1:19: fatal error: stdio.h: No such file or directory
 #include <stdio.h>
                   ^
compilation terminated.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2014 21:13

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Ursine Asylum posted:

To be fair, if your dev environment is missing stdio.h, two things are pretty much guaranteed:
1. Your dev environment is hosed, and
2. Most devs aren't going to necessarily know how to deal with that, especially if you're in a company that doesn't give out local-admin access.

Better!

Someone installed Linux on that machine, did a "which gcc", and called it good because gcc was already installed.

Except that it didn't work out of the box. I recreated using a livecd:

code:

mint@mint ~ $ which gcc
/usr/bin/gcc
mint@mint ~ $ cat > test.c
#include <stdio.h>
int main () { 
  return 0;
}
mint@mint ~ $ gcc test.c
test.c:1:19: fatal error: stdio.h: No such file or directory
 #include <stdio.h>
                   ^
compilation terminated.
mint@mint ~ $

The cure was to install, not gcc, but g++:

code:

mint@mint ~ $ sudo apt-get install gcc
  (snip)
gcc is already the newest version.
  (snip)
mint@mint ~ $ gcc test.c
test.c:1:19: fatal error: stdio.h: No such file or directory
 #include <stdio.h>
                   ^
compilation terminated.
mint@mint ~ $ sudo apt-get install g++
  (snip)
mint@mint ~ $ gcc test.c
mint@mint ~ $ ./a.out

# ¿ Mar 24, 2014 23:04

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

spankmeister posted:

apt-get install build-essential

That works too. Probably because:

code:

(snip)
The following extra packages will be installed:
  dpkg-dev g++ g++-4.8 libc-dev-bin libc6-dev libstdc++-4.8-dev
(snip)

# ¿ Mar 24, 2014 23:30

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Ursine Asylum posted:

Oooh, if you've got apt that makes life a hell of a lot easier. "dpkg -S `which command`" (or, in this case, /usr/include/stdio.h) on working machines has saved me a lot of headache with regards to partially-set-up images without all their needed dependencies.

I just want to know what the hell goes through the mind of someone who builds a distribution (mint, in this case) and installs gcc but without all the stuff needed for gcc to actually work.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2014 00:29

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Arishtat posted:

A couple of days ago our boss shut down the Cisco WCS server which also happened to be the RADIUS server responsible for authenticating connections to the corporate wireless network.

This is what I'm constantly terrified of. "Oh, this server has x, y, and z roles, they're all migrated, we can get rid of it." except there was l, m, and q that were never documented.

(sfwarlock) as far as i can tell it ain't doing poo poo anymore since (redacted) is now hitting $OTHER_SERVER
(sfwarlock) but given this environment, there's probably some undocumented skunkworks black ops production-critical process on it.

# ¿ Mar 27, 2014 22:55

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

nexxai posted:

That's why every place I've ever worked included a "Simply shutdown for 1 month before physical removal" step in every asset retirement process.

But does the process run quarterly? Or yearly? Maybe something backs up to it and will silently fail...

# ¿ Mar 28, 2014 00:56

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

rolleyes posted:

Um... exactly how do you envisage this working without violating general relativity?

Edit:
What this boils down to is that you can choose any two of the following three items:
- Relativity
- Causality
- FTL travel / exchange of information

I have never really understood the problem with FTL information breaking causality. Yes, in some frame of reference, effect appears to happen before cause, because the information from the effect gets to you first, but really that's no different from if you were deaf and the fastest information could travel to you was speed-of-sound; that doesn't mean Mach I is the fastest anything can go.

EDIT: And that doesn't mean that if I hear an effect before a cause, that the effect happened first just because I perceived it to happen first.

sfwarlock fucked around with this message at 21:51 on Mar 31, 2014

# ¿ Mar 31, 2014 21:48

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

peak debt posted:

and win the jackpot three ship-years later.

Only if the people on Earth are silly enough to allow the people on the ship to enter the 2104 lottery when the ship's calendar says 2104, which (assuming no more travel) is 2107-ish on Earth.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2014 00:25

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

peak debt posted:

Nope, by the frame of reference of the ship, the trip has really only taken a single year. They started a one light year trip one year ago. Therefore it is 2101, and they still have three years to get their bet in before 2104 happens.

But they can't by any method get their bet back to Earth before the numbers are drawn. Yes, if they get the numbers by ansible as soon as the draw happens and then buy a ticket by return ansible, their purchase is datestamped 2101... but it still happened after the numbers were drawn.

It's like time zones writ large; even though I can send the winning lottery number from California (drawn at 19:00) at 19:30 California time to Hawaii (local time 16:30), that doesn't mean that my buddy in Hawaii can buy a ticket for the California Lottery at 17:00 his time and have it honored.

(And yes, I understand the science, but to me it feels like something our language/everyday practices haven't yet evolved to deal with, instead of time travel.)

# ¿ Apr 1, 2014 00:46

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

kensei posted:

An email came in:

That's pretty impressive, and I have no idea how they managed to even get that started, let alone sent out. Needless to say, our vendor is pissed, and this user is in a serious time out.

I managed to do something similar to that once. Never put a disk write or a network action in a loop that could become infinite unless you're absolutely sure of what you're doing.

Meanwhile, regarding FTL chat:

Assume the ship, upon arriving at Alpha Cent (ship's time 1/1/2101), picks up some guy named Zefram Cochrane, turns around and heads right back. When they get back, their calendar reads 2102, but that doesn't change that 8 years have passed on Earth and that 2104 lottery they hope to enter to fund Z's 'warp drive' was four years ago.

Yeah, what breaks is the whole "Year (current year minus x) was x years ago in my personal timeframe", but by the nature of spacetime, that has to break.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2014 17:04

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Someone did the ketchup packet on the toilet seat bit here.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2014 00:21

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

KoRMaK posted:

I think this would give you license to reply with tolkien, tolken and token used interchangeably in the same message.

Many puns about a Tolkien Ring network removed here.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2014 02:43

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

spankmeister posted:

I lost my VPN Tolkien in the fires of Mount Doom, please replace ASAP. This is affecting production!

Sorry, you'll need to submit your request to our ticketing system via Ring mail.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2014 08:13

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

This link has been going around work supposedly to test for Heartbleed; not sure if it's actually accurate: http://filippo.io/Heartbleed/#google.com

# ¿ Apr 8, 2014 17:46

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 22:07

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

QuiteEasilyDone posted:

Preface: Our clients may/may not be functionally retarded.

A ticket came in: Internet Service is down.

We call up the ISP because we can't find any issues with the network stack. The ISP reports that they will not service this client any further.

Apparently instead of paying the ISP bill they'd cancel the account at the end of the month and open a new one. Apparently they owe the ISP in excess of 7K

That's a beautiful combination of brilliant and idiotic.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 17:13

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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