RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

«‹›3 »

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Where do people learn to talk/write like that?

Please advise

# ¿ Mar 8, 2016 18:56

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 3, 2024 03:00

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Verizian posted:

Anyone who asks for zoom+ENHANCE treatment should just be handed a CYA disclaimer form and a bill for a top of the line mac with ~~Photoshop~~ full adobe cloud 5yrs subscription. Don't care if you already have it installed "It needs the power of the cloud, Apple, and all these plugins to work!".

Then have them watch while you use content aware fill, sit back and try not to laugh as you explain "Yep there's not enough pixels in this image for enhance to work, you need to use a professional camera next time."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9gucaZFD8s

I'll be impressed when they release the version of content aware fill that can do the reverse operation of that video.

# ¿ Mar 15, 2016 14:09

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

He said it was though.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2016 22:47

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Rig a webcam pointed at the screen

# ¿ Mar 24, 2016 22:53

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Alighieri posted:

playing around in a debian virtualbox vm

run apt-get update && apt-get upgrade on an old version i haven't booted up in a while

boss from another department walks by, "oh wow, that looks complex"

sure is

That's the dark secret of Linux.

All you gotta do in order to look like an inscrutable knowledge creature from the great beyond is to download some poo poo and run make.

E: Tap the keyboard a few times a few times in the middle for insurance

# ¿ Mar 26, 2016 20:58

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Gotta make sure it can't fall out.

It's a common problem, CPUs rattling loose and getting lost in a ditch somewhere.

# ¿ Mar 27, 2016 13:35

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Judge Schnoopy posted:

The mental gymnastics involved in thinking he had a valid IT issue that you could solve is incredible. "I don't have my file. Well, yes, I have my original file, but I changed it. I didn't save any of the changes. Where did the changes go? I did the changes on a computer, they exist somewhere even if I don't save them, computers record everything. Recover it from the hard drive that recorded the changes I did not save."

Though you know, the more the industry moves toward continually-saving, cloud-backed app data storage, the more people are going to come to legitimately expect automatic saving and versioning.

GDocs does it, why doesn't Office?

# ¿ Apr 5, 2016 18:15

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

AlphaKretin posted:

The letters were only in those two passwords, what about all the other people in the entire factory who are supposed to have stopped work to watch? And the entire premise is that they were familiar with their keyboards and didn't notice the swapped keys sooner?

The version of the story that I heard originally was that the person had recently changed their password; when they stood up, they were thinking hard about the password and put in the new correct one, but when they sat down they went by muscle memory and put in the old one.

Of course now that I know it's an urban legend I have to reluctantly accept that the person I heard this and many other stories from back in the day was not as awesome as I'd led myself to believe

# ¿ Apr 11, 2016 18:53

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Late on this, but

Jerry Cotton posted:

The problem isn't the users. The problem is that the desktop is a terrible concept when applied to user interfaces.

Curious, what would be better?

The industry started saying "the desktop can't possibly be the best metaphor we can come up with, let's go for the next thing" almost immediately, and the early-mid 80s were full of blue-sky concepts like pen computing and "stacks" and temporal interfaces�where files are stored by when you last saw/touched them, rather than by where they are spatially. Seemed like an obvious next step, but it turned out nobody can mentally index that way; nobody can think about "I want that file I last touched last Thursday" as easily as they can say "I want that file that was down in the lower left corner".

The desktop metaphor may be a bad one, but it's less bad than all the others I'm aware of, as far as human brains are concerned.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2016 01:59

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Content:

"Please don't destroy our database; also btw we're storing ur password in cleartext, lol"

# ¿ Apr 30, 2016 02:01

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

I've never heard anybody call it a paper cassette, in fact I doubt even the manual (which nobody in any office has read) calls it that

Like the same UI that says "PC LOAD LETTER" will also say "TRAY 4"

If printer manufacturers cared in the slightest about not being seen as the inheritors of the 70s-era "inscrutable stereo instructions" mantle, they could have just had the display say "OUT OF PAPER"

# ¿ May 9, 2016 15:57

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Sure, and it's still the same way mostly. It's just that nobody anywhere ever internalized the phrase "paper cassette". It's a robotic engineer's term that bubbled up all the way to being shoved in front of non-technical users, and in an abbreviated form to add insult to injury.

# ¿ May 9, 2016 20:59

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Won't the various components electrolyze and create their own crud even in the purest of water environments?

# ¿ Jun 26, 2016 07:30

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Renegret posted:

Back in college I had a folder right on my desktop that I named NOT PORN

I do like the idea of someone doing this unironically, i.e. has so much porn that he has to keep a special folder for everything that isn't.

# ¿ Jun 28, 2016 15:24

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

ConfusedUs posted:

We had one of those security training things recently. Gave a list of things to tell if a link was a phishing attempt in some cutesy way.

Top on the list were:
1. Links that didn't go tto the right domain, like microsoft.itsascam.com
2. Time limits to react
3. Requests for credentials

Anyway our training department then puts out the following email to the whole company as a reminder to take the tests.

It literally meets the top requirements in the training for a suspicious email. No this was not intentional. I checked with them and they said "oh, it'll be fine, no one will care anyway."

So they put out a training, make the whole company take it, and then immediately undermine the entire thing.

A few years ago I was at a big giant hedge fund that is super paranoid about security and into the public shaming of anyone who does anything wrong. Everyone is conditioned to live 24/7 in their Outlook inboxes and reply instantly to all requests, including all the training assignments like the phishing audits and those sorts of things. Anyone who fails to live up to standards, especially anyone who fails any kind of security audit or test, is basically strung up in the village square.

One day the HR department sends out an email to the entire 1300-person company that talks about some new benefits system or something that we all have to log into and update our info. The email comes complete with very clear, careful instructions about what to do: follow this URL, log in using your credentials, fill out the form like thus and so. All very neat and tidy.

Two minutes later, an email comes in:

quote:

Date: May 17, 2012
To: Entire Company
Subject: Re: New benefits site

Greg.Thompson
MyC0olPassw0rd123!

I'm still staring at this message, gape-mouthed, when another email pops up:

quote:

Greg Thompson would like to recall the message "Re: New benefits site"

YES I'LL BET HE WOULD.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2016 20:44

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

No way

# ¿ Jul 12, 2016 13:58

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

stubblyhead posted:

Maybe pixaal is just very small.

He did say he was a zip tie, weren't you paying attention?

# ¿ Jul 15, 2016 20:47

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

drat good commercials too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OC4sef9964

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca-HZ7qiR0I

# ¿ Jul 15, 2016 21:35

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

BOOTY-ADE posted:

I wonder where the video cable got plugged in....

I'd like to see the old laptop please.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2016 18:11

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

flosofl posted:

Well it's been considered broken for about 10 years. I think it was last year someone successfully demonstrated a collision attack against it.

As long as it's salted and keystretched it doesn't really matter what algorithm (within reason) you use, right? Not that there's any reason not to just use sha256 anyway.

https://crackstation.net/hashing-security.htm (this is for passwords but I imagine the principle is the same)

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 03:54

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

I guess the principle isn't the same then, never mind.

(I thought the hashes generated from the ISO images would be done using the same techniques as passwords and the same mitigations against false collisions.)

Data Graham fucked around with this message at 05:06 on Jul 28, 2016

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 05:02

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Xarn posted:

It has been mostly explained why its two different things, but I part of the explanation is missing.

Passwords are hashed because people are terrible and use the same password everywhere, so if you get registration email address and users password, chances are you have access to his email address.* And then there is a good chance you have access to ~everything, because most sites will happily send you a password reset link to said email address. It doesn't matter if you can find an arbitrarily long string with the same hash, because that string won't be the password and thus other services, with different hash function won't accept that arbitrarily long string. (They probably won't accept arbitrarily long string, period. ) Salts then serve to A) stop rainbow table attacks (which are no longer used anyway), B) increase attack complexity by differentiating the same password being used by different users ("password" passwords). This also means, that you want password hashes to take long-rear end time, because what you are hashing is pretty much always < 100 bytes.

Files on the other hand are hashed so you can quickly detect if it has been changed in transit (whether with malicious intent, or just random bit flips happened doesn't matter). This means that you want to use fastest possible hash, because hashing 1GB file takes quite a lot of time, and the file is public knowledge anyway. However, if you use hash that is susceptible to (second) preimage attack, then you can no longer detect malicious changes, because an attacker can create his own malicious file, and then in reasonable time, massage it so that it has the same hash. MD5 preimage attacks are currently within the reach of home user grade hardware, so its straight out. SHA-1 is slowly getting within the reach of well-funded and motivated entities, SHA-2 is currently thought of as secure.

------
* I actually had a break-in to my gmail account secured using 20 random characters, because I was dumb and used that password in TWO places. Lesson learned, also don't trust people that they are even remotely competent and don't store password in friggin plaintext in TYOOL 2014.

Thanks, I appreciate these explanations.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 14:45

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

pubic void nullo posted:

If you want to stay reasonably current on what is broken and what is not you can subscribe to Schneier's CRYPTO-GRAM and just skim it once a month.

drat, I even used to get that, years and years ago. But it was to my work email, and welp.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 16:48

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Good to know at least he skipped the desks with actual rigid corpses.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2016 21:53

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Guys, in times of need all companies' IT departments have to band together and help each other out with attack mitigation! It's the BOFH Code.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2016 17:59

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

No genetically modified diodes in my laptop please

# ¿ Aug 16, 2016 23:59

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

EX-GAIJIN AT LAST posted:

My only stab in the dark is she confused it with cellophane.

Which is itself derived from cellulose and is plant-based, believe it or not.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2016 05:03

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

For my part I've completely switched over to trackpads, even for desktops. I haven't touched a mouse in years.

But, well, Apple :shrug:

# ¿ Aug 17, 2016 14:20

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Well of course not, you'd have to feed them meat.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2016 16:36

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Of course they assume you weren't doing anything all morning, and that "I just left for lunch" means "I just finished my fourth leisurely cup of coffee and am now sneaking out so nobody can hassle me for an hour or three".

Not to tell you better or anything but if it were me I'd be like "I have been working through a queue of tickets and ticket-jumping priority issues all morning and haven't even been into my office yet, please let me at least take 15 minutes to get settled first" or something like that.

But then that sounds like Scottying, so who the hell knows

Data Graham fucked around with this message at 21:03 on Aug 19, 2016

# ¿ Aug 19, 2016 21:01

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Arsten posted:

I'm sorry I'm so jaded. When I was very young, I spent a summer program working for my city in the police department as a janitor. My "stupid criminal stories" meter has been broken ever since.

Some stories from my tender childhood:
One time a guy was in lockup because he tried to do the insurance scam thing where he throws himself onto a car. He did it onto a cop car. That wasn't moving. If you are going to scam someone, try to avoid the only cars guaranteed to have a dash cam.
Another guy was in lockup for hard drugs and he started chewing the paint off the wall because he needed a fix and was convinced that the lead in the paint would get him high (there was no lead in that paint).
A chick was locked up because she was went to the ER with "head pain" and tried to smuggle out needle drugs in her lady parts. She was discovered because blood was flowing down her leg as she was leaving the ER. Don't quote me on this, but apparently you should leave caps on your needles being transported internally even if the caps "take up a lot of space".

If I put my mind to it, I could remember more.

Edit: poo poo that was a lot of typos.

More, more, if only to banish the thought of that last one :gonk:

# ¿ Aug 29, 2016 23:39

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

My original take on the story was that, like, it was a well-known scam to a) go and get a job, b) start flipping laptops and then skip town. So like that whole six months she was there was just a front to get that $300 score per lard-smeared computer.

I was all set to look around at work and see if I could tell which of my coworkers were "real" employees and which had joined just to scam the company while doing allegedly competent work for which they were qualified enough to get hired :v:

Like that old Dilbert about the mohawked thief who robbed his house and then he went to work and found the guy sitting in his cubicle wearing his tie. "He stole my job too!"

# ¿ Aug 30, 2016 11:52

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Renegret posted:

I use Firefox at work because some of my tools only work on Firefox.

I also use Chrome at work, because some of my tools only work on Chrome.

...I also use Internet Explorer at work, because some of my tools only work in IE.

Surprise, they're all internally developed Java web apps!

Living the platform-independence dream.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 18:59

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

At first I thought you meant it was printing out every error message.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2016 22:54

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

My DNS resolver has has godaddy issues.

# ¿ Sep 10, 2016 03:12

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

RFC2324 posted:

I miss being able to boot Linux off of floppy.

Or the FreeBSD floppy microinstaller, that was the poo poo.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2016 04:15

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

E. wrong

# ¿ Sep 18, 2016 04:25

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

And then it turns out that these things all still exist :psyduck:

# ¿ Sep 19, 2016 11:50

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Or "the other person's microphone is muted"

Error messages are getting better in general these days, partly thanks to the trend of "conversational" marketing-speak and even meme-ese in product dress (e.g. Slack). But we all remember the days of :byodood:

IT SAID I HAVE PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION, ALL I DID WAS TRY TO LOOK AT MY BANK ACCOUNT

(And even that was supposed to be a "friendly" improvement on "General Protection Fault")

# ¿ Sep 20, 2016 12:30

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 3, 2024 03:00

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

"I opened up my browser and there was a message that said ERROR 911044: Type Mismatch. So I typed m-i-s-m-a-t-c-h but nothing happened"

(true story)

# ¿ Sep 20, 2016 15:10

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

«‹›3 »