Box Office Mistakes, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb(s)

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Box Office Mistakes, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb(s)

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Random Stranger posted:

I said to myself, this sounds kind of like fun and it might be interesting to do Heaven's Gate. And then I realized that the only logical entry point into writing that essay would be to get into the studio cut versus the director's cut and that's would just be painful. Just because it's not as bad as its reputation doesn't mean that it's actually a good movie and a three and a half hour version of a bland movie would make me want to shoot myself. But perhaps some brave essay writer out there will prove me wrong.

Maybe I'll work up a more cheerful pitch about Jonah Hex. Some comic book nerd rantings about how "they" screwed everything up would be far more entertaining. From Hell or Constantine (which I could easily do a long discussion on what's wrong with the theology that's central to the movie's plot and why it has a dangerous psychological message as a result) would work for that too, though they fall in the "probably didn't make money for the studio" range where the worldwide gross made a bit more than production budget.

I desperately want to read your essay on Constantine.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2013 05:05

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 15, 2024 23:38

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Anybody know the budget for Undercover Brother? It made 38 million, so it seems like it might qualify, but neither Wikipedia nor Boxoffice mojo list the budget.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2013 07:15

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

JediTalentAgent posted:

IMDB lists an estimated $25M.

Damnit, I looked on IMDB too, but couldn't find the box office. It's been there long enough that I can't call it the "new" format, but I definitely prefer the former layout.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2013 08:53

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

penismightier posted:

Lifeforce has some of the best nudity of all time.

Barbarella, which is also rated G

# ¿ Sep 11, 2013 02:06

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

The ones I really want to see are Constantine and Josie and the Pussycats.

# ¿ Sep 18, 2013 05:35

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Maxwell Lord posted:

So far I'm trying to sound kinda scholarly, but still making it as much a spirited defense of the film as a thematic analysis. (Of course if you hate the movie you can make it a spirited takedown- so far the Lucky Number Slevin thread on this forum is a good example of how to do that and still be reasonably professional-sounding about it.)

500 words in and I haven't even really gotten to the plot. I'm trying to decide whether this is a good sign or not.

If you're a brutal editor it's fine.

# ¿ Sep 27, 2013 08:38

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

OneThousandMonkeys posted:

Nothing will ever top Keanu dropping a steaming pile on the 1993 adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing. The movie is completely fantastic except for Keanu.

I always feel the need to post this when people bag on Keanu.

"Roger Lewis of the Sunday Times posted:

"He quite embodied the innocence, the splendid fury, the animal grace of the leaps and bounds, the emotional violence, that form the Prince of Denmark... He is one of the top three Hamlets I have seen, for a simple reason: he is Hamlet."

He is pretty poo poo in Much Ado though.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2013 05:14

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

I'm quoting from memory of a review I vaguely recall, but the great thing about Keanu Reeves is that he is so incredibly bland that in Sci-Fi/Fantasy movies, where all these incredible, unbelievable things are happening, his blandness acts as a grounding force. All the hullabaloo surrounding the Son of Satan and the Spear of Destiny in Constantine is instantly more believable, because Keanu Reeves is so perfectly ordinary.

As cliche as it to say it'd be better as an HBO series, an HBO series would be awesome, I always thought James Marsters would have been perfect, but he might be too old by now.

# ¿ Oct 16, 2013 05:39

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 15, 2024 23:38

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

JediTalentAgent posted:

Conversely, isn't Constantine supposed to age in relatively close to real-time (or at the very least, acknowledges his own past in the 70s-80s-90s) compared to the rest of the DCU? It might make him too young.

Before the reboot, yes, but I figured tv show would want a relatively young Constantine. Mid 30's at the latest, I looked him up, James Marsters is 51.

# ¿ Oct 16, 2013 08:24

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Box Office Mistakes, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb(s)