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Post your favourite poo poo kids say. Creepy things kids have said to you, funny misunderstandings, the best swears from the mouths of babes, all at your fingertypes. My 5-year-old cousin today after a nap: "Suzuki. Y'know why my willy's stickin' up?!" ... "N-no, Jake." "I've been dreaming of hotties, Suzuki. Hotties every night." I'm already laughing and texting his mom when he walks into the bathroom and I hear him say to himself, "Doesn't happen in the monster dreams though, I dunno." Said cousin has also gotten into an insult match with me outside when I was pushing him on the swings and called me an 'eyeball penis poop'.
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Sep 28, 2013 02:15
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When my niece was 5, she came home from school one day and excitedly proclaimed, 'I did the Terry Fox walk today and I didn't even get cancer!'
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Sep 28, 2013 05:05
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I was in line at the store and this one kid was screaming about wanting a candybar.
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Sep 28, 2013 05:36
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This is one of my grandfather's favorite stories about a cousin of mine. My grandfather was showing some other relatives his truck and complained that the tires that he bought were too large. He was going to have to get smaller tires. My cousin, a five-year-old, said, "You can't! If you get smaller wheels, then they won't reach the ground!"
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Sep 28, 2013 05:37
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My friend's five year old daughter is obsessed with US presidents. It's really odd, but adorable. She will happily list facts about them like other kids talk about Pokemon or whatever. He once told her that he rented one of the Garfield movies for her, and she got really excited. After about ten minutes of the movie, she turned to him with tears in her eyes, and said "you told me this movie was about Garfield, but it's just about a talking cat!". She refused to watch the rest of it.
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Sep 28, 2013 05:46
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My four-year-old nephew: "jellyfish sting with their testicles."
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Sep 28, 2013 05:51
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From a 12 year-old girl: "when I grow up, I'm gonna marry a chair. That way when my legs get tired, I can sit on my husband's face."
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Sep 28, 2013 06:02
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When I worked at a soda fountain I had a kid ask where the actual fountian of soda was.
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Sep 28, 2013 06:13
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:From a 12 year-old girl: "when I grow up, I'm gonna marry a chair. That way when my legs get tired, I can sit on my husband's face." This girl is a thinker. 
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Sep 28, 2013 06:33
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My cousin's six-year-old daughter after moving to a working farm: "Hey mum, when you die, do we get to eat you?" 
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Sep 28, 2013 06:43
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My girlfriend's little cousin told her that she had "jelly boobs and a fat neck". To be fair to him it's kind of true
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Sep 28, 2013 10:20
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My friend's son while playing on the floor with various toys, including a T-Rex and some trucks- "Sweet! A monster truck...but they won't let me drive it, even though I have my license because I am a T-Rex. Must be my short arms."
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Sep 28, 2013 10:58
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One of my kids that I work with (about 4 years) found out that I have a couple of snakes. After hearing that, he started regaling all these stories about snakes that he saw, including "a 19 foot tall snake with a mohawk" and a snake with feet. Another one of my students (5) a couple of years ago put together all of the nap-time blankets and proudly told the teacher at the time, "I have so many blankets, I'm gonna sleep with everybody in the neighborhood!" I also have a student that constantly asks me how to spell words like 'hegemony' and 'incubator.'  She's 4 and when I asked her mom about it, she shrugged and said she has no idea where she picks the words up either, but she does it at home too.There was also another student I had (6) who was always asking really morally conflicting questions for his age. He asked me once if I would remarry if my husband died, or if I would consider it cheating. He also told one of his peers, when that student was talking about how he was never going to get a girlfriend or get married because girls are icky, that he needed to reconsider, because he would be very lonely otherwise. In response, another student (6) chimed in and said, "Yeah, and if you die, nobody will know you died. But if you go to heaven and you don't have a girlfriend, you can maybe marry an angel. They're powered by farts."
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Sep 28, 2013 11:18
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Heard a kid tell this joke to his mom on the way into a store: Knock knock! Who's there? Apple! Apple who? APPLE FART BUTTI laughed almost as hard as the kid did. Another time, my daughter (about 4 at the time)and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. She had been completely silent for a quite a while until turned to me and said, very matter-of-factly:  I'm not crazy.She then turned back to the TV. Yeah, that was weird. oh dope has a new favorite as of 13:10 on Sep 28, 2013 |
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Sep 28, 2013 13:07
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My nephew is a little ball of stress and one time while visiting, he starting ranting to my boyfriend about people who were getting on his nerves at the moment. "I don't like my cousin; she's mean! I don't like Aunt Lonely Virgil; she's mean, too! I don't Poppop; he's FAT! I don't like Aunt Virgil's Sister; HER BUTT STINKS!" "Don't put your nose in her butt." 5 minutes later- "I didn't put my nose in her butt! She put her butt on my nose!... I like grandma, though, she's nice."
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Sep 28, 2013 13:42
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 My nephew, III, is the coolest kid on the planet. He used to introduce himself as "Bobby zombie killer minecraft three" When he was like 2 years old instead of sleeping with a stuffed animal like a normal kid he would sleep with Halloween decorations. Kid loves his monsters CeramicPig has a new favorite as of 14:46 on Sep 28, 2013 |
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Sep 28, 2013 14:22
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When my niece was around three I was putting her to bed and we were chatting about the family dog. She noted that he wagged his tail when he was happy and then said mournfully, "I don't have a tail." I said, no honey, human beings don't have tails. She looked up at me and said firmly, "Boys do have tails."
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Sep 28, 2013 16:33
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CeramicPig posted:
His name is Three?
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Sep 28, 2013 17:00
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A few years ago, my cousin asked how old I was and when I told him I was 24 he made a confused face and exclaimed: "I never heard of that age!" Recently his younger sister was arguing with her cousin about which of them had the coolest relatives. Apparently I won because "she lives near KFC so she can get chicken whenever she wants - and her boyfriend has an English accent!"
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Sep 28, 2013 17:29
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I remember my little brother once saying, "What's wrong with yaoi fangirls? [Mom's goddaughter] really loves that stuff!"
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Sep 28, 2013 17:30
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Tree Huffer posted:I also have a student that constantly asks me how to spell words like 'hegemony' and 'incubator.' I used to pull that poo poo all the time as a kid too, I just had a spergy interest in reading and vocab. The good part of this is that other than typos, I rarely ever spell a word incorrectly. The bad part of this is, everyone in my family always asks me to spell something for them when they can't spell it instead of just loving using spell check
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Sep 28, 2013 18:11
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Suzuki Method posted:I used to pull that poo poo all the time as a kid too, I just had a spergy interest in reading and vocab. The good part of this is that other than typos, I rarely ever spell a word incorrectly. The bad part of this is, everyone in my family always asks me to spell something for them when they can't spell it instead of just loving using spell check Yeah, same here. It's usually my friends asking me, though, because my parents have similar obsessions with spelling. Not that it stops my mom from constantly mispronouncing them.
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Sep 28, 2013 18:40
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My nephew: "Hey, lions eat cantaloupe, right? Do you think they taste like cantaloupe?" My sister: "That's antelope and no, they don't."
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Sep 28, 2013 21:04
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My cousin's son once poked my beard and said "why do you have a mustache on your chin?"
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Sep 28, 2013 21:30
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My wife and I are babysitting our friends 4 year old daughter this weekend. We were at the grocery store standing in line to check out when our friends daughter suddenly stops fidgeting, turns around to face an Oprah magazine, starts poking Oprah right in the face while saying "Stop It!" over and over again I have a feeling that I'm going to have some more stories for this thread before this weekend is over.
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Sep 28, 2013 21:31
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I don't remember this one personally, but my mom tells me when I was 5 or 6, I was selling candy bars door-to-door for some school thing, and I was distressed because I wasn't getting many sales. She told me to try telling them a bit about myself, THEN going into the sales pitch. When the next potential customer answered their door, it went like this. "HI I LIKE KITTENS WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME CHOCOLATE?" 
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Sep 29, 2013 00:28
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My brother when he was 6 "my alien friend lives in the walls"
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Sep 29, 2013 02:37
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My brother was holding my nephew (3yrs old) up under a shower at the beach to get the sand off. Nephew didn't like it at all and yelled "Put me down! I have rights!"
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Sep 29, 2013 02:46
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My little neighbour (he was 4 or 6, I don't remember) had a fully thought-out theory on dating. You get three tries at asking people out, and if they all reject you then you can be gay.
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Sep 29, 2013 02:49
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I was sitting waiting for the bus this evening when behind me there's a family that just got ice cream. The girl was happy as can be for the longest time but then starts telling her dad that she needs a napkin (I assume she spilled or something). I assume they didn't have a napkin because the kid had a mini meltdown screaming that her life is horrible over and over. I bet her parents are glad they got her ice cream.
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Sep 29, 2013 04:45
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Bippie Mishap posted:My brother was holding my nephew (3yrs old) up under a shower at the beach to get the sand off. Nephew didn't like it at all and yelled "Put me down! I have rights!"  That is just beautiful.The first time my sister saw a character in The Sims get nude (with censor bar of course) she screamed "THAT'S FABULOUS!"
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Sep 29, 2013 05:22
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I didn't witness it in person, but apparently my 4-year old cousin was running around the house one day, shouting the name of her babysitter (Hannah), and, well: HANNAH HANNAH HANNAH HANNAH HANNAH HAMNAH-... ... I LIKE HAM!!!!
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Sep 30, 2013 02:10
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Taking my little cousins trick or treating last year, they were discussing the logistics of their elementary school teacher and the amount of butts she must have to wipe in a day. C: "Ms. Porter has to wipe [classmates] butts, too!" K: "What if she had to wipe every butt?" C: "Like one million butts!" K: "ONE MILLION BUTTS!" To this day, I still sometimes substitute ONE MILLION BUTTS for an actual swear when I'm mad and it makes me un-mad.
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Sep 30, 2013 02:27
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Another good one from the babysitting adventure. We were at the local playground playing house when our friends 4 year old daughter decided that she was going to be a teacher. This meant of course that us adults were the students and had to do our homework. Me: Aww, do I have to do homework  Her: If you don't want any homework... You can go talk to your lawyer 
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Sep 30, 2013 04:09
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This thread is SLAYING me, so I have to contribute a couple of things my older brother said when he was a toddler. My dad has always had a mustache, and he once shaved it when my brother was about 4. When he asked my brother "how do I look?", my brother replied "you look like an idiot." Around the same time my mom got a perm, and my brother offered "You look like Michael Jackson." Neither kept their new looks, obviously.
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Sep 30, 2013 06:04
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I work with little kids. One time I was watching a bunch of little boys jump around, making sure they didn't fall over and hurt themselves or whatever. Then their friend, a shy little guy around 3 years old, who'd been standing watching, piped up: "We can't jump around because then the anteaters will come with the police." Puzzled and thinking I misheard, I asked him what he meant. "They're like birds. They have long tongues and noses... They snuffle." And then off he went. Later I asked his mum about it. She told me that he'd seen anteaters at the zoo and been nervous of them, somehow he'd got convinced they worked with the police 
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Sep 30, 2013 23:57
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tbp posted:His name is Three? Sorry for the late post but its a nickname. He's the third with his name so we call him Three. I was just trying to make it easy to tell who the fb post was about 
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Oct 1, 2013 23:19
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I work at grade school aftercare, and get some absolute gems on a regular basis. In fact, a kid transferred in just yesterday, and as I was introducing myself, the first thing he asked me was "Do you argue with your wife all the time?"
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Oct 2, 2013 03:27
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Ha, this thread's great. A random statement I once overheard from a kid to his mom: "I think of funny things, then I LAUGH about them! "And an exchange between two kids I was babysitting years ago that has stuck with me ever since:  "If there's 22 things I hate they're ALL BATMAN." "You do own a Batman backpack." "...Batman's okay."
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Oct 2, 2013 21:44
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I was teaching my nephew how to dig for edible roots when he was 4. I hit a rock and split into the bulb. When I dug out the mashed bit of root he looked me right in the eye and said, "You hosed it up, didn't you?"
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Oct 3, 2013 00:28
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