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I went to the Zoo yesterday with my nephew and his friend from school, both 5. His friend proceeded to excitedly tell us how horny the Rhino was. His mother and I laughed heavily then asked him to would repeat the phrasing. When kids don't understand WHY they're being funny they get so confused.
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Nov 20, 2013 01:31
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bulletsponge13 posted:Still Abe Lincoln because he would be an immortal dictator. Still waiting for the South to rise again?
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Nov 20, 2013 02:09
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For a while we had two identical Nissan sedans, the only difference being the color. My daughter only rode in the blue one because that was the one that had been set up for kids, so we'd say "time to get in the blue car!" whenever we had to go someplace. Eventually we replaced the not-blue car with a van, but we kept the habit of calling the sedan the blue car for a little while. Cue my daughter thinking all sedans--regardless of color, make or model--are "blue cars." "Look at that blue car!" "It's red, baby girl." "You're right! A red blue car!" For no reason we can fathom she decided the van was a "monster backpack" which I think is pretty awesome.
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Nov 20, 2013 03:31
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I used to call my family's minivan a "condogdunner" for some reason. I have no idea why
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Nov 20, 2013 04:12
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At an amusement park with my 11-year-old niece last year: Her: Aunt Kallisti, I can't go on the Tilt-a-Whirl. If I go on the Tilt-a-Whirl I will literally die. Me: Literally? Her: Literally. (A year later and that's still her favorite word) Recently, I received a thank you card from her for the money I sent on her 12th birthday. It opened with "Life is good but not always fair." Seemed odd on a thank you card. Wise, maybe, but odd.
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Nov 20, 2013 04:54
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Years ago, my mom got some Victoria's Secret for her birthday. Cue my kid sister: "Oh, that's for your happies." "What." "These." Pointing at mom's chest.When I was in preschool, some kid taught everyone the word gently caress. The teachers found out and told us to say "rattail" instead. To this day, my dad still screams rattail when heckling sports tv.
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Nov 20, 2013 07:15
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Vaginaface posted:Still waiting for the South to rise again? gently caress no. Just trying to make a joke.
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Nov 20, 2013 07:52
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When my son was 4-5 he became obsessed with Lenny Kravitz. I have no real idea why. But one day we were in the car and the radio announced they were giving away tickets to his concert. My son threw a screaming fit that I would not pull over to find a phone and win tickets and take him. He starting screaming "Lenny will never love me now!“ His dad and I still tease him about that.
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Nov 20, 2013 09:29
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So Math posted:Years ago, my mom got some Victoria's Secret for her birthday. Cue my kid sister: Ha! That reminds me of my cousin. She got caught using the word "poo poo" as a girl and her mother found out. She was severely scolded and her mother told her to use the word "cathair" instead. Cue a lot of confused looks when a Bunsen burner makes a huge fireball in her chem lab one day and she blurts out "cathair!" at the top of her lungs in front of her classmates.
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Nov 20, 2013 14:38
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Standing at the local Walgreens looking at cold medication I hear a little boy I had previous not noticed ask me, "Are you Fat Albert?". I looked down at the little boy, then at the mom who had the most horrified look on her face and back to the boy and said, "No...see I'm not black." I smiled at the mom, got my meds and walked away. Yea I am big and fat so it's an understandable question. This happened probably around 2008, and in retrospect I think the most interesting thing was that this little boy actually knew who Fat Albert was.
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Nov 20, 2013 18:13
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My three year old, pointing to a man at the grocery store: mama, that man is not wearing clothes!  what? Yes he is! no. He's naked. people normally don't go shopping naked papa goes shopping naked  uh, he does? Hm. I didn't know that. mama? yes? maybe later we'll see someone not wearing clothes. I have no idea why he's so obsessed with naked people. Another time we were getting ready to go to his grandma's, and I had just showered. He looked at me with a worried expression and said "mama...you have to remember to put on clothes." Like he was genuinely worried I would just leave the house naked.
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Nov 20, 2013 19:30
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Several months ago, when I was living with a friend and her family, they were watching a horror movie on Netflix when her little brother (he's 3) pipes up in the middle of a suspenseful scene with "chocolate miiiiiiilk!" at the top of his lungs. Needless to say, the plot was lost by all.
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Nov 20, 2013 22:30
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rectal cushion posted:
You should really ask your husband what's up with that.
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Nov 21, 2013 01:04
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Lotish posted:Ha! That reminds me of my cousin. She got caught using the word "poo poo" as a girl and her mother found out. She was severely scolded and her mother told her to use the word "cathair" instead. Is that cat-hair or cath-air?
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Nov 21, 2013 03:02
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Shoozy posted:Is that cat-hair or cath-air? The Albigensian heresy! 
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Nov 21, 2013 05:50
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When I was younger, I pronounced 'Invitation' as 'Incantation'. My little sister managed to win I-spy at a resturaunt. She spied something beginning with B. After the whole family and extended family spent ages guessing, even after the food had arrived and we didn't need the distraction. Eventually we gave up, and she told us what it was, with the biggest smile. "Bomato Sauce!" My even younger cousins had an interesting thing. Their mother would always use their first and middle names when telling them off, but the older one got told off more. "Martha May you stop that this instant!". This led to the younger thinking you just said May after someone's name when telling them off. "Mummy May, that's my toy!" Finally, my mother is a teacher, and one time discovered a dead bird on the playing field. It had been attacked by a cat or something, and feathers were everywhere. So she kept the children from going out until it had been cleaned up, and the children wondering why. "Miss, why can't we go out?" "They just need to tidy up first.""Tidy what up?" "I know what it is!""Really?""A bird popped."
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Nov 21, 2013 14:38
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My kid is a font of crazy stuff. Dad is reading 5 yo him a bedtime story. Kid asks a few questions about the story and seems pretty satisfied with the answers dad gave. "Hey dad, You're pretty smart." "Well thank you." -pause- "Are you smarter than a bullet?" ----------- 4 yo kid and dad have been fixing a few things around the house. I hear the electric screwdriver and Kid laughing. Suddenly giggling kid bursts into the kitchen and hides behind me yelling "TELL DAD TO STOP SCREWING ME IN THE BUTT!!!"
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Nov 21, 2013 15:50
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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang posted:"Hey dad, You're pretty smart." I think he was quoting RoboCop. Ah, he'll be a goon some day.
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Nov 21, 2013 16:03
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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang posted:My kid is a font of crazy stuff. Does anyone in your house play TF2? 
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Nov 21, 2013 16:04
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Lizard Wizard posted:Does anyone in your house play TF2? No and we haven't let him watch RoboCop either 
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Nov 21, 2013 17:01
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Coffee And Pie posted:I think he was quoting RoboCop. Ah, he'll be a goon some day. Momma don't raise no goons.
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Nov 21, 2013 17:19
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My sister was in the car with my 4 year old nephew and he was whining that he wanted McDonald's. She kept telling him no and finally he went quiet. She looked back and saw him just staring at her while moving his hand around in a slow circle. She asked him what he was doing and he said "Using the Force on you so you'll get me McDonald's." She said she got him the McDonald's after that. Can't argue with a Jedi.
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Nov 21, 2013 19:49
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We went to Disney Land a couple months ago and while riding an elevator back to our hotel room I took my five year old daughter's Minnie Mouse ears and put them on and asked her, "Hey! Do I look like a Disney princess?" My daughter looked at me for a moment and then announced, "No dad, you look like a Disney queen!"
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Nov 21, 2013 21:36
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I just remembered another one. This summer I was outside with my son (5) when three Sikh men in turbans walked past us. My son peered back at them and said, "Mom, they look like they don't belong in this country." 
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Nov 22, 2013 23:49
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Another one from my half-brother when he was much younger, probably 2 or 3. He and my stepdad had gone out for the day, and when they came back home, my brother had a lollipop. My mom asked where he had gotten it. His response was a happy "Obama gave it to me!" An older black man had given it to him. The only person with darker skin he had seen up to that point was Obama, on TV, leading him to the natural conclusion that every black man was the president.
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Nov 23, 2013 03:14
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This is a story I keep getting told about myself when I was little. When I was 6 or so I loving loved Discovery Zone - which if you're not aware was a place with a giant indoor tube maze with slides and ball pits and poo poo. Another thing I really liked was that scene in The Fugitive where Harrison Ford was running through the sewage system to escape Tommy Lee Jones, because it reminded me of Discovery Zone. The natural conclusion to this was to crawl batshit frantic through the tube maze pretending to avoid capture from an invisible Tommy Lee Jones, until I got to the top of an open slide where everyone could see me and loudly proclaim "I DIDN'T KILL MY WIFE!" I guess I did this more than once.
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Nov 23, 2013 05:09
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I asked my little cousin what he was going to be when he grew up, and he looked at me like I was an idiot and said "A boy." When I was a kid, I used to refer to junk mail catalogues as "cattledogs." I also used to randomly fall down and jerk around like I was having a seizure. If people asked what I was doing, I told them I had strychnine poisoning. (I pronounced it "strike nine" and nobody could figure out what the hell I was saying for like a year, but figuring it out didn't make it any less weird.) And we once had some visitors come to the gate while my mother was in the shower; she told me to ask them to wait, and I ran out of the house screaming "DON'T COME IN! MUM'S NAKED!" Avshalom has a new favorite as of 06:04 on Nov 23, 2013 |
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Nov 23, 2013 06:01
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Yesterday my seven year-old son brought home a test with repeated swirly squiggles all over the margins and in a block of the answer spaces. He was meant to have written letter closings (sincerely, etc.) in those spots. I asked him what was up and he told me he was signing it. Like me. I realized why those weird glyphs looked so familiar: he had forged my signature all over the paper.
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Nov 23, 2013 08:14
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When I was about 4, my dad told me it was time to stop playing with toys and get ready for bed. I turned my head away slightly and pointedly ignored him. He repeated himself, and I replied "I can't hear you when you say that." My youngest sister, when presented with beets on her dinner plate, took a tentative smell of them and explained her findings. "This definitely smells like human blood."
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Nov 23, 2013 09:07
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Frostyhawk posted:This is a story I keep getting told about myself when I was little. When I was 6 or so I loving loved Discovery Zone - which if you're not aware was a place with a giant indoor tube maze with slides and ball pits and poo poo. Another thing I really liked was that scene in The Fugitive where Harrison Ford was running through the sewage system to escape Tommy Lee Jones, because it reminded me of Discovery Zone. This is awesome. :highfive: I didn't talk until I was 4, so I was a little behind in vocabulary and pronunciation. Cue 4 year old bulletsponge looking at the quarter amusement rides at the mall and screaming, "I want to ride the whores, Mommy!" "Horses honey. They are called horses." My mother was the type to talk to anyone and share entirely too much jnformation about her life. This irritated 6 year old me. Once in line at Kmart my mom was telling the woman behind us about how I am tall for my age and other dumb poo poo. "Is his father tall?" Before she could answer, I yelled at this poor lady, "No, but the mail man was!" My mother was mortified and I didn't understand why. I just thought it was a funny answer- I didn't realize I was implying my mother was a whore until years later.
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Nov 23, 2013 13:00
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Frostyhawk posted:This is a story I keep getting told about myself when I was little. When I was 6 or so I loving loved Discovery Zone - which if you're not aware was a place with a giant indoor tube maze with slides and ball pits and poo poo. Another thing I really liked was that scene in The Fugitive where Harrison Ford was running through the sewage system to escape Tommy Lee Jones, because it reminded me of Discovery Zone. Hold the loving phone. Are you me??? I did this same poo poo at DZ except I would shout at other kids that they were a one-armed man and run after them. Why my parents let me watch poo poo like that as a kid is beyond me.
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Nov 23, 2013 18:50
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Discovery zone is an essential childhood experience. There should be some kind of subsidy program to ensure every single child is able to attend at least once.
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Nov 23, 2013 20:10
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tehloki posted:Discovery zone is an essential childhood experience. There should be some kind of subsidy program to ensure every single child is able to attend at least once. Too late. They're all gone now. The company went out of buisness. 
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Nov 23, 2013 21:47
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When I was 3 or 4,I hadn't seen many black people.What I had seen was an ad for Ribena,which starred a black actor/comedian(I think).One day,my mom goes shopping and takes me with her,when I see a black man,leading me to point at him and excitedly tell her "Look Mammy,it's the Ribena Man!".
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Nov 23, 2013 22:09
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Bit of a cross-post from the CineD general thread: Yesterday me and my roommate were at Starbucks, sitting on one of those two-person couches. Said couch was pretty close to where you order. In comes a mom with a five, maybe six year old kid. As he gets close, he does a confused double-take at us, but specifically my roommate. Both of us notice him, but don't say anything. A second or two later, the kid takes a deep breath / gasp, tugs on his mom's coatarm with one hand and points at us with the other, and screams "Mommy! This guy's girlfriend looks like you!!" The mom (who I guess looks like my roommate) is embarrassed and chastises the kid (who still has a  look on his face), and me and my roommate just chuckle.A few minutes of silence, and we decide to have the "What the hell are we / Are we dating and just too chickenshit to admit it" talk.
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Nov 25, 2013 22:40
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My mom brought home a stack of acrostic poetry done by 4th graders at her school. They were told to pick some kind of theme related to Thanksgiving and draw a picture at the bottom, and the vast majority of them were about what you'd expect for 8- and 9-year-olds. Out of maybe 100 papers I looked at, 3 or 4 chose "God" as their word. I get the feeling that a couple of them picked God for the same reasons the handful of "Ham" kids did - it's a short word so they had less to write. One of them actually had some thought put into it. And then there was the GOD poem. The GOD poem. At the bottom the kid crudely drew what appeared to be a beam of holy light coming down from between two banks of dark storm clouds, with bolts of lightning shooting from them. Here is the entire text of the GOD poem: code:Arschlochkind has a new favorite as of 00:26 on Nov 26, 2013 |
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Nov 26, 2013 00:23
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MisterBibs posted:A few minutes of silence, and we decide to have the "What the hell are we / Are we dating and just too chickenshit to admit it" talk. Well...?
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Nov 26, 2013 00:28
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Many years ago my mom had returned from the grocery store with the big monthly grocery shopping. My then four year old brother grabs all the bags of snacks (chips, pretzels, cashews, etc) and opens all of the bags and begins eating from them all. My mom bends down to grab the bags and put them away, to which he turns his head The Exorcist-like and snaps at her in a demon voice. "DON'T TOUCH MY FOOD." She, in fact, did not touch his food.
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Nov 26, 2013 00:35
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Totally TWISTED posted:Well...? PYF poo poo Cohabiting 20somethings With Angst Say
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Nov 26, 2013 00:55
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MisterBibs posted:A few minutes of silence, and we decide to have the "What the hell are we / Are we dating and just too chickenshit to admit it" talk. Yea, this is the more interesting story. And?
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Nov 26, 2013 02:41
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