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Nihonniboku posted:Yea, this is the more interesting story. And? It really isn't that interesting: we came to the conclusion that we didn't want to be that couple that does the "We're not dating, we're just ~seeing each other ~ doing something ~totally different than anyone else ~" bullshit, and if our relationship has all the signs of us dating, we're dating. And more importantly, we both think that's pretty cool. (I know that saying all this is  MY GIRLFRIENDy , and that's why I didn't say it, but you asked. Sorry for the derail.Late Edit: In apology for the digression, here's a story that I'll try and keep short, about an adventitious little kid: 4-year-old son of a waitress at the bar I go to was told to stay still while she talked to her boss. The kid decides to translate those words to mean "Go! Explore! Now is your chance to explore the world! You! Are! Free!" Runs off, chased by one of the staff, and he decides to hide in the lady's dressing room. As someone in there (who, I'm told, was wearing pants but didn't have a top on) escorts him out, she jokingingly asks the kid if he came in because "he really wanted to see some boobies". For the rest of the time he was there, whenever someone asked him how he was, he'd  ly say "I SAW BOOBIES!". When he told me, I acted as if I didn't know what boobies were. His response? "I DON'T KNOW...  BUT I SAW BOOBIES!"
MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 04:49 on Nov 26, 2013 |
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Nov 26, 2013 02:57
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Once I was standing in line for a roller coaster at the local six flags with my ex, and because she's Spanish we spoke in English. Next to us were a mom with her 7 or 8 year old son and he kept staring at us in a kind of horrified wonder. This happens to me a lot, because I'm really tall. His mother asked him what was up, and he started whispering, not being able to take his eyes off me. His mother couldn't hear him and asked him to repeat himself, and he just started whispering louder and louder. "Scooby Doo, mama, Scooby Doo! It's really him, he talks English, not Dutch, so it's really him!" His mother started laughing apologised to us saying, "Well, you do kind of look like that guy from Scooby Doo." She was right. I had just gotten my hair cut short and totally looked like Shaggy, baggy clothing, lanky posture, goatee and all.  After the ride the kid came up to us with his mother's camera and tried to ask my ex if she would take a picture of the two of us. After I translated for her she had trouble keeping the camera still enough she was laughing so hard.
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Nov 26, 2013 14:07
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Arschlochkind posted:My mom brought home a stack of acrostic poetry done by 4th graders at her school. They were told to pick some kind of theme related to Thanksgiving and draw a picture at the bottom, and the vast majority of them were about what you'd expect for 8- and 9-year-olds. Out of maybe 100 papers I looked at, 3 or 4 chose "God" as their word. I get the feeling that a couple of them picked God for the same reasons the handful of "Ham" kids did - it's a short word so they had less to write. One of them actually had some thought put into it. So are you gonna hang it on your fridge?
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Nov 26, 2013 15:23
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I have two daughters, one biological, one adopted. They are roughly the same age. The adopted daughter we took possession of when she was 3 through the Foster program, and finalized the adoption right before her fourth birthday. So she is aware she is adopted, she remembers her biological parents all that good stuff. Later that year, both girls are four, She asks some questions and the wife and I go through our prepared responses "you have two mommies and two daddies, blah blah this is what adopted means." Everything seems to be going great when our biological daughter starts crying. "Whats wrong?" Her response? "I wanna be e-dopted!" she bellows through her tears. So we go on explaining that if she were adopted she wouldn't get to live with us anymore. "I want grandmum to e-dopt me" She bawled and cried for 5 minutes or so that she wanted grandmum to adopt her. then she got over it and it was hunky dory time. weird-o. Thankfully we captured it all on video because it was funny. My mom did not end up adopting her, she's stuck with us.
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Nov 26, 2013 17:04
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I have a 12-year-old brother in law. He was born when my wife was 21. Needless to say he's my son's favorite uncle. He's coming over tonight and staying til Thursday. Upon being told that Uncle Caleb was coming over tonight: WOW DADDY, YOU'RE A GENIUS!
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Nov 26, 2013 17:39
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The other day my wife and I were in the kitchen discussing thanksgiving plans while my daughter played in the basement. I said "We'll have to buy a nice fat turkey." and from the basement I hear my 3 year old daughter shout "FAT IS A BAD WORD DADDY".
Dietrich has a new favorite as of 17:54 on Nov 26, 2013 |
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Nov 26, 2013 17:47
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My favourite thing children say is probably how hats/moustaches/beards are bad. Literal idiots caring about what someone else wears or chooses to grow on their face is hilarious to me.
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Nov 26, 2013 17:54
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Retail Slave posted:I have a 12-year-old brother in law. He was born when my wife was 21. I have a 4-year old (half) brother in law. We were visiting my wife's mother and step father last year, and the little kid was running around and bust in on my wife while she was in her bra. He stared at her and then screamed out "I LIKE YOUR BOOBIES!" My mother in law then came in and freaked out on him for reasons I'm sure he didn't fully understand. My wife was a little weirded out but we both laughed about it. I'm totally going to give him poo poo for it when he's older, assuming he doesn't end up with some deep seated urges, haha.
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Nov 26, 2013 18:31
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Taeke posted:Once I was standing in line for a roller coaster at the local six flags with my ex, and because she's Spanish we spoke in English. This opening line was baffling until I hit the part about not speaking in Dutch, haha. Edit: It's also neat to see Six Flags parks overseas. I guess the corporation just strips away anything to do with Texas outside the US, though? Arschlochkind has a new favorite as of 19:40 on Nov 26, 2013 |
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Nov 26, 2013 19:38
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Arschlochkind posted:This opening line was baffling until I hit the part about not speaking in Dutch, haha. Six Flags in Colorado didn't seem to be Texas themed.
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Nov 26, 2013 19:46
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Dietrich posted:The other day my wife and I were in the kitchen discussing thanksgiving plans while my daughter played in the basement. I said "We'll have to buy a nice fat turkey." and from the basement I hear my 3 year old daughter shout "FAT IS A BAD WORD DADDY". Have you been letting her on Tumblr?
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Nov 26, 2013 19:47
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Atmus posted:Six Flags in Colorado didn't seem to be Texas themed. Neither is the one in NJ. Some if the parks certainly have America/patriotism themed buts but they're not all Texan Wonderlands it whatever.
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Nov 26, 2013 20:18
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Atmus posted:Six Flags in Colorado didn't seem to be Texas themed. LogisticEarth posted:Neither is the one in NJ. Some if the parks certainly have America/patriotism themed buts but they're not all Texan Wonderlands it whatever. The ones here aren't/weren't really Texas themed either, it's just that "six flags" actually means something here. The Six Flags parks I've been to down here (admittedly it's been years since I've been to one) actually had the six different flags flying in the park or near the entrance. Maybe they don't do that any more.
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Nov 26, 2013 20:52
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Arschlochkind posted:The ones here aren't/weren't really Texas themed either, it's just that "six flags" actually means something here. The Six Flags parks I've been to down here (admittedly it's been years since I've been to one) actually had the six different flags flying in the park or near the entrance. Maybe they don't do that any more. Yeah, we just have 6 differently colored flags at Great Adventure. You pass Hurricane Harbour, maybe you stop at the Safari on your way out. Rides, shoddy boardwalk games, out-dated cartoon characters, and super-hero themed coasters abound. And Bennies.
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Nov 26, 2013 21:05
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Nurge posted:My favourite thing children say is probably how hats/moustaches/beards are bad. Literal idiots caring about what someone else wears or chooses to grow on their face is hilarious to me. Have you been being picked on in the pony aisle
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Nov 27, 2013 04:06
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My nephew told my brother he "wishes I would get a girlfriend so he could get more cousins". What do you even say to that
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Nov 27, 2013 04:14
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My kid picked up cursing and it's not going well, especially because he has enough comedic timing to drop a bad word at the precise moment to make us crack up. Today I told him that my parents and siblings are coming up for Thanksgiving. We have a whole routine where I ask him "Guess who's coming in the white car [whatever day]?" and he spouts off all the names. We go through that and I say "I sure think your little brother will be excited!" and he agrees with "YEAH!" Next thing I know, he marches off down the hallway and I hear the following: *DOOR SLAMMING OPEN AS HARD AS POSSIBLE*  : HEY LITTLE BROTHER! GUESS WHO'S COMING IN THE loving WHITE CAR TOMORROW? : YEAH?: loving GRANDPA AND loving GRANDMA AND-: YEAH!: loving UNKA D AND loving UNKA DEETS AND-: YEAH!He proceeded to spout off every person in my family, preceded by "loving", encouraged by the 16 month old's only coherent English word of "YEAH". I, meanwhile, was on the couch crying and trying not to laugh loud enough to be heard.
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Nov 27, 2013 04:35
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Yesterday at work (I work in a supermarket) I hear the following exchange between a mother and her 6/7 year old daughter: : Honey, would you like to pick up some prunes for morning tea snacks at school? : NO! I HATE THEM! HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM!*after a fairly long pause; starts spinning in circles speaking to nobody in particular* And by the way I've never tried them but I know I hate them!
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Nov 27, 2013 07:44
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Working at a grocery store I saw a lot of cute kids coming in with their parents. A year or two ago I had a really short pixie haircut. I was ringing up this lady's order, and her son asked me, 'Are you a girl or a boy?' THANKS KID! Another time this cute-as-a-button little girl got so excited to learn that I had the same name as her mother. "Mommy dere's TWO!" she squeaked, holding up three fingers. Later, her grandmother playfully pushed the cart she was in over to the bagging table so she'd be out of reach of the credit scanner, and she puts her hands on her hips and loudly proclaims, "Um Gramma you forgot something?! Me!" Another little girl wanted to be the one to pay for the groceries, insisting "I do too! I know how!" when her mom insisted she didn't know how the screen worked. She brushed the card against the scanner and scribbled on the screen with the stylus, as she'd doubtless seen her mom do. This one really smart little boy had a whole conversation with me about how he wished the cart he was riding in had a motor, because then it would be like a real car and he would drive it; he was a good driver. Kid couldn't have been more than six.
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Nov 27, 2013 09:08
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The other day, while my wife was getting my kids ready, I gathered up all the clothes off the floor and threw them into the washing machine and then went about helping her with them. About 10 minutes later, we go to get their jackets on and we can't find my daughters heavy jacket. We looked around the house for at least 15 minutes. I told the kids who ever finds it gets a high five. Eventually, my wife found the jacket in the washing machine and tosses it to me to put on the baby. My son, who is almost 4, saw my wife throw it but just went with me finding it and he got real excited that I found it and was giving me high fives and telling my wife how "daddy found it!" My wife, of course, protests since she was the one who found it, but nope, he was all about daddy finding it and I sided with him. It got to the point he was following my wife around jumping up and down and yelling "Cheers for daddy! Cheers for daddy!"
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Dec 20, 2013 22:01
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"The toothbrush on my wiener feels tickley!"
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Dec 21, 2013 01:45
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bulletsponge13 posted:This is awesome. :highfive: My little sister developed the expression "You're a horror!" when she was three or four, but she didn't enunciate very clearly. As a result, there were at least a couple of times when she seemed to be yelling "You're a whore!" at me in the middle of a crowded store.
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Dec 21, 2013 06:51
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I used to babysit a 5 year old who could fully read. He had a book of Shel Silverstein poems he liked to read out loud as a bedtime story, and one of the poems contained the word "Rhinoceros". He pronounced it "Rino-saurus", like "Tyrannosaurus". I pronounced it correctly, and he looked up at me with the most indignant child-face I had ever seen, and said with disgust: "you're not looking at it" I couldn't argue with his logic. He had a younger brother who was still on a bottle, and once when I was washing all of the bottles components he was picking them all up and reading their labels. He picked up the rubber nipple, held it up, and said "Nipple. Grown up girls like you have that too right?" Unrelated to that kid - I'm very tall, especially for a woman, and once heard a little girl yell out "Mommy look at her! She's taller than daddy! She's taller than a tree could EVER be!" Before her mom could stop her, she ran over, wide-eyed, and asked me if I was a real giant. I told I was, but that I was friendly. What else can you even say at that point?
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Dec 22, 2013 09:04
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Today a four year old informed me that "Happy cats are fluffy, angry cats are sharp. Cats don't like dogs." Parents informed me that the family cat had sorted out some food bowl issues with the new puppy.
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Dec 22, 2013 10:06
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Koreans: 5TH GRADE BOY: Teacher! I am gay! ME: Wow, really? BOY: Yes, yes! I am very very gay all the time! ME: Hunh. Okay. BOY: Are you surprised? ME: No. (Boy stares at me with mouth open as his friend falls down laughing.) ME: "What does Santa Claus do?" 4TH GRADE BOY: "He kills children." ME: "Are you sure?" 4TH GRADE BOY: "Yes, he kills every student and girl and boy and baby! WITH A GUN!" ME: "But there aren't any guns in Korea." 4TH GRADE BOY: "He's American." (During a game where they have to describe a picture to a kid who can't see it, the picture being "mouse") 6TH GRADE GIRL: "Uhhh, cheese friend!" BOY: "No, cheese V.S.!" A 5th grade boy walked up to me and proudly handed me a piece of paper, on which was written "Shut the gently caress" I just gave it back to him and said, "That's incorrect" in a bored tone of voice. His face fell. I guess he was expecting a bigger reaction? Later that day, he came in and handed me another piece of paper. This one said "I Love You." 5TH GRADE BOY: "Teacher, I want to go to American school." ME: "Why?" BOY: "Uhhh...I can eat many delicious things, and no academy!" (afterschool extra classes that can go as late as midnight. Every night.) GIRL: *very seriously* "No, you will go to jail." One of my third graders has been running around screaming "TAKAI DESU NE" for the past two weeks. ME: "Jongshik, why are you saying 'takai desu ne'?" JONGSHIK: "I don't know." ME: "Do you know what it means?" JONGSHIK: "No." ME: "It means, 'it's expensive, isn't it?' in Japanese." JONGSHIK: "So?" ME: "Do you speak Japanese?" JONGSHIK: "No, I hate Japanese, Japanese are very very crazy and all die. TAKAI DESU NE TAKAI DESU NEEEE" And it's surprising how many people want "DDONG" (poop) for their Christmas present.
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Dec 22, 2013 13:28
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A couple of months ago my Dad took my three year old Niece to see a puppet show, apparently it was one of those ones where the puppeteer stands in front of a black curtain and wears a black body suit and mask so he seems invisible, this scared my Niece and they had to leave. For the rest of the day she kept loudly informing my Dad "I DIDN'T LIKE THAT BLACK MAN!"
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Dec 22, 2013 18:53
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"I'm like mom!" - 3 year old niece while drawing on her face with a red marker.
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Dec 22, 2013 23:47
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My 8-year-old cousin matter-of-factly informed me that Santa is 32 years old.
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Dec 23, 2013 01:37
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bringmyfishback posted:Koreans Ahhhh these are so hilarious and adorable. Kids learning English say the greatest things. bringmyfishback, if you have any more stories about teaching I'd love to hear them  For content, my half-siblings came down with the flu a while back. Mom put on some horse movies to keep them busy; kids watched the movies over and over until they were better. A few weeks later, my sister went up to my mom: "Hey mom, I want to watch that horse movie!" "Well which one, we've got a lot." "Uhh...uhh...you know the one... River Cookie! " She wanted to watch Sea Biscuit 
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Dec 23, 2013 02:16
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As a child, I liked to give myself new names. I was also a massive fan of construction equipment. This led to me refusing to listen to my parents unless they called me whatever vehicle--or long string of vehicles, in order--I was currently calling myself. And so came the time they were forced to call out the name "Forklift" in a grocery store.
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Dec 23, 2013 03:43
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Apparently as a child, before I could really talk, if I saw something that interested me, I'd point and in an amazed voice go, "Oh saaaaayyy!" To this day, my Mom still has no idea what I was trying to say. Also, I remember as a kid, I had a terrible habit of having a messy desk at school. I was also pretty smart and had a big vocabulary. I was made to clean my desk and according to my mom, I told my first grade teacher "How would you like it if somebody disturbed your habitat?!" Where the hell did I even pick that up from?! Edit: I suck at telling a cohesive story. Eep. CatStacking has a new favorite as of 04:51 on Dec 23, 2013 |
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Dec 23, 2013 04:42
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A couple years ago I was at a party at an aunt's house, and I was walking around the yard with my cousin's (then) six year old daughter, who cheerfully tells me about how it's good that her parents weren't together because "nobody had to be murdered". Her parents have since been married for going on like two years now, and there has yet to be any murders. I have NO idea where this came from, as even during the time her parents *weren't* together, they got along quite well. She's a bit of an odd kid, that one. Still made me laugh my rear end off, because that came completely out of nowhere. Edit: My mom just reminded me of the time when, as a four year old, I demanded a shoebox with which to make her a diorama of the Late Cretaceous period. She still has it to this day.
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Dec 23, 2013 04:42
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I was pretty drugged up after a dental appointment I had when I was 3 or 4, my mom was holding me in the parking lot while we were waiting for a cab. A couple cars passed by and I guess I reached out for them saying "Wait for me..." Once my family and I were all at the state fair, with my probably 7 year old nephew. We'd been playing a bunch of GTA San Andreas at the time. Anyway he's running around with his noisy toy machine gun when we walk past a bunch of black dudes and he hollers "GANG MEMBERS " and starts pretend shooting them all. Not too long ago I was babysitting his little sister and we're getting ready for her to go to kindergarten. I ask what she's eating for breakfast and she replies "I think they're called chocolate cuckoo puffs." It's not really that funny unless you're from where I'm from, and the work "cuckoo" is a kiddy euphemism for "penis". I was cracking up pretty much the whole ride to school.
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Dec 23, 2013 05:46
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When I was little and my grandma would visit we'd have to go to Mass with her, which I didn't really mind 'cause I got a baggie of Cheerios and she'd give me gum if I got fussy. Apparently I was picking up on some of the things being said at Mass, because she took me grocery shopping one day, and as she looked at a loaf of Jewish rye bread I loudly announced "We can't buy that! The Jews killed Jesus!"
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Dec 23, 2013 06:24
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Captain Candyblood posted:Ahhhh these are so hilarious and adorable. Kids learning English say the greatest things. bringmyfishback, if you have any more stories about teaching I'd love to hear them Oh, this happened today: We were playing this game where students have to identify a K-pop song and singer/band by reading or listening to the English lyrics. In case you weren't aware, Korean pop music, much like J-pop or...really any East Asian pop, has random amounts of (occasionally good) English sprinkled throughout most songs. The point of the game was 1. To help the kids practice their listening/reading/translating skills, and 2. To eat up the last day before vacation, because god loving forbid they give us Monday off if Tuesday and Wednesday are off and it's the complete end of the school year ARGH WHY. Another thing you need to know is that there is a popular (male) Korean singer named G-Dragon. Each question had a hint as to solo or group song, singer gender, year of release, etc. My kids got stumped on one (female, released this year) and asked for a hint. I gave them "G." One boy screamed, "G-DRAGON!" "What? No, it's a girl, see? Solo girl song." He came running from the back of the classroom to tell me the following: "No, teacher, is G-Dragon's mother. Her name is Mama G-Dragon. And she is solo because G-Dragon's father is...die." I could not give him points, but how I wanted to!
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Dec 23, 2013 08:38
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Esser-Z posted:As a child, I liked to give myself new names. I was also a massive fan of construction equipment. This led to me refusing to listen to my parents unless they called me whatever vehicle--or long string of vehicles, in order--I was currently calling myself. My son decided to add "Star Wars" to his last name. If you ask him his name it's "Bobby Middle Last Star Wars" He also does the name calling thing but it's with superheros. One time we were grocery shopping and he insisted on wearing his Batman pajamas and I was wearing a Spider-Man shirt and my wife was wearing a Superman shirt. So I had to say things like "Batman, you better put that down and go see Superman or I'm going to be mad." Or my wife would say, "Spider-Man's gonna spank you Batman if you don't behave."
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Dec 23, 2013 14:43
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bringmyfishback posted:Oh, this happened today: Are there enough ESL goons to make a separate thread? I have a few things that are less poo poo kids say (because they're adults) and more funny/insanely observant things ESL students say. E for content: my niece is an odd brand of very smart and very imaginative, so she's very logical but still believes in Santa. Last year, when she was 7, she explained that Santa lives in the North Pole, and if he wasn't real then where would the elves who live there work? defectivemonkey has a new favorite as of 20:33 on Dec 23, 2013 |
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Dec 23, 2013 20:26
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My wife and I were watching TV one night when in the background we heard a song coming from the bathroom. It was our 5 year old, and this is what she was singing: "What does my poop say? Plop plop plop plop plop plop plop plop plop puh plop!" We were crying we were laughing so hard. This is also the little girl who when her bigger sister accidentally called her a 4 year old a day after her 5th birthday, she responded with "Do I LOOK like a 4 year old to you?!" Love her
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Dec 23, 2013 20:32
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Shath Hole posted:My wife and I were watching TV one night when in the background we heard a song coming from the bathroom. It was our 5 year old, and this is what she was singing: Was it to the tune of what does the fox say?
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Dec 23, 2013 20:46
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The first time my (four years old) son saw me in contacts, he looked at me for a long time, before saying "daddy, you're not wearing your glasses... have you LOST them?!" in a very accusatory voice. A perfectly understandable question, mind, but it didn't stop me from cracking up.
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Dec 23, 2013 21:02
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