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gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

MondayHotDog posted:

Jeez, I'd hate to be that goon's father.
What the balding fatass?

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gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

MondayHotDog posted:

No, the Hindu guy.
"...miscellaneous."

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

ShaqDiesel posted:

You mean the drunken gambler?
The same Barney Gumble who keeps takin' pictures of my sister?

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
Thank you for your pity.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

IMJack posted:

A bloody end for Drink-Mix Man... is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now, here's how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs.
Wow, this is a ... this is a black day for baseball.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

LOCUST FART HELL posted:

Are you goons hugging Jerusalem? :mad:
That's it! I'll make money with a chauffeur job! Good thing you turned on that TV, Locust.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

MondayHotDog posted:

Two towns over.

To the best of my recollection.
You gave both dogs away!? You know how I feel about giving!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Writer Cath posted:

We're gonna sell him to Senior Woodchuck?
A mod of many probations is less likely to hurt IMJack than a mod whose probation numbers are low.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

jscolon2.0 posted:

No, Mr. PT6A, I expect you to die and be a very cheap funeral.
I tackled a loafer at work today.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

CharlieFoxtrot posted:

When I asked you if that dummy was to fake your own death, you told me no. :mad:
You're living in the past, Marge. Quit living in the past.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Do over Ham posted:

Now, before we adjourn, gentlemen, I have one last matter of utmost importance. I need to send this parcel with the profit projections to Pete Porter in Pasadena. And it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. [hands the package to the man to his right]
Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple monkey dishwasher.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

jscolon2.0 posted:

All we have are the Earthquake Ham and the Condolence Ham!
Marge, they're just hams, ok?

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

MondayHotDog posted:

A professional in an ape mask is still a professional.
I think he should have to take a different oath.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Everything Counts posted:

I moved here from Canada and they think I'm slow, eh?
Something said, not good.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

IMJack posted:

It's like that twilighty show about that zone!
IMJack, do not press the core destruct button.

Don't do it! Don't do it! You'll kill everyone!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Everything Counts posted:

Where's my Tab?

Put out an A.P.B on sʇunoƆ ƃuᴉɥʇʎɹǝʌƎ. ...Better start with Greek town.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Root Bear posted:

And here I am using my own legs like a sucker! :corsair:
Since you have no collateral, I'm gonna have to break your legs in advance.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Drink-Mix Man posted:

I hope he tells us to burn our pants. These are driving me nuts!
Don't you hate pants!?

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Skeesix posted:

A bee bit my bottom!

Now my bottom's big!
I don't know. Fish sandwich... are you sure?

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Subject is hatless. I repeat: hatless. :siren:
I'm directly under the Earth's sun... now!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

MondayHotDog posted:

You come here a minute.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

The Dark One posted:

I don't hear scrubbing!
I hear digging but I don't hear chopping.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Come on! Even my fat mama can touch her toes.
You're failing, Drink-Mix. What is it about you and failure?

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Oh, by the way, here is your new issue of "Gigantic Asses." ;)

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Mister Kingdom posted:

Licorice whip!


Actually sir, picture taking is not allowed at this particular resort.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

The SituAsian posted:

That's odd....I don't have a secretary


Or an intercom

Sarah, get me Superintendent Chalmers.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Spiffster posted:

Fun's over, fellas! If you're gonna quote incorrectly in this thread, there is a two- post minimum! :getout:
The only thing a poster like me is good for is taking probations.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

MondayHotDog posted:

Good evening, young man. My name is Charles Norwood. Furthermore to this beer, I'll would also like three of your finest, cheapest cigars. Here's my ID, which confirms my adultivity.
Now when I say "Hello, Drink-Mix Man" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Elfface posted:

"Angry mob to see you, Sir."
"Do they have an appointment?"
"... Yes."
Goons.

Hired goons.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Everything Counts posted:

Ooh, oatmeal! What a delightful treat! Awww, there's a bug in it.
Ooooh. Sweet, nourishing gruel.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
12/12
drat right.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
Seņor Buuuurns!
El diablo con dinero.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Skeesix posted:

the :ugh: eleventh season.
Is he killing that guitar, daddy?

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

MondayHotDog posted:

Now wait a minute, Jerusalem!

*sniff sniff*

Oh, my mistake.
You've failed at everything you've ever tried.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Jerusalem posted:

Now hold on a second. I think it's clear what happened here is that....
*closes browser tab, logs out*
He's heading for the old mill. Get him!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Root Bear posted:

Now, where's that cake?! :haw:
But you're gonna kill us all!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Jerusalem posted:

No I'm not! :confused:
Well, let's go to the old mill anyway. Get some cider.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Nouvelle Vague posted:

I was in the same bar as Dan Castellaneta tonight.

The strength I had to not yell out, "Don't you hate pants?"
Holy Macaroni!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Drink-Mix Man posted:

I sure could go for 100 tacos right now. :(
Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

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gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
Game over, Mate.

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