Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.


What is Football Manager?

Football Manager is similar to a Paradox game in many ways. Imagine Crusader Kings 2 as a sports simulation.

That's what it's like. What is it?

Football Manager by Sports Interactive is perhaps the most addictive set of spreadsheets in the history of computing. It's also referring to soccer, not American football. As much fun as forcing my players to go back into the fray with a concussion would be, that game doesn't exist yet.

Unlike most sports games, where you take control of either a complete team or an individual player and most of the action occurs in a slickly produced game engine, Football Manager leaves you standing on the sideline shouting at the PS1 quality polygons representing your players to switch tactics while they run around bulging the auld onion bag.

Your job is to run the team. That means scouting players, negotiating contracts with them, negotiating transfers for players you want if they're already under contract with another team, designing your teams tactics and setting training schedules, hiring coaching staff, trainers, and scouts, and giving press conferences where you intimate to the press that you think your upcoming opponents have a better chance of being struck by lightning than beating you.

Most importantly, you don't need to know that much about soccer to start playing, beyond a basic knowledge of how soccer positions work.

What's a Lower League Manager?

Lower League Manager is a way of playing Football Manager where you don't start off as one of the worldbeating megabastard clubs such as Barcelona or Manchester United. You don't even start off in the top division. Or the second division. Instead, you take some team languishing in the bottom rungs of professional soccer, and raise them through the ranks and to glory. In my FM 2013 game I took bottom rung strivers FC Halifax from what was then the Blue Square Bet North league all the way to Premier League glory, two FA Cups, and a Champion's League title. This game will be doing likewise for a very special club.

None of that last paragraph made sense to me except the term megabastard.

Unlike pro sports in America, membership of the top leagues in Europe change each year by a process called relegation. For example, in the English Premier League the bottom 3 of the 20 team league are kicked out of and forced to play the next season in the Championship (yeah, the English have kind of weird naming conventions for their league. League Two, for example, is actually the 4th division in English Soccer, behind the Premier League, the Championship, and League One). Meanwhile, three teams from the Championship are promoted to the Premier League and the riches it entails. We'll be starting two levels below League Two, in a regional Football Conference league currently sponsored by Skrill, an e-payment company.

On top of playing in a league, there's also Cups to fight for. The most prestigious of these is the FA Cup, where some 758+ teams from Chelsea, Arsenal, and Man U to local pub squads compete for the trophy and a spot in one of the two yearly continental competitions. The League Cup is contested by the 96 teams in the top four divisions, the Football League, and also carries qualification for Europe. We won't have to worry about the League Cup for a while.

Finally, if a team finishes well in the top national league, they play next season in either the Europa League or the Champions League. The Champion's League is the most sought after title in all of professional soccer. It's where the biggest teams and most famous players from every single country in Europe play each other for glory and enough money to satisfy Croesus. Below that is the Europa League, which is vastly less prestigious but still very much worth winning.

Our goal is to have a gigantic pile of hardware laying affront the shattered corpses of the former giants of European Football. The ideal season would be “doing the triple” which entails winning the English Premier League, the FA Cup, and the Champion's League all at once.

So who are we playing as?

Our squadron will be a version of the fictional Tackleford City Football Club from John Allison's excellent webcomic Bad Machinery. As anyone who has read his work before knows, Tackleford is a mid-sized city in Yorkshire with an uncommonly high number of strange occurrences, and an off kilter selection of denizens. This isn't an attempt at fan-fiction, the only characters who appears in both the comic and this tale are extremely minor and shouldn't play much of a role in the game. I expect within a few seasons the connections will be nearly entirely eroded. I chose to create Tackleford FC because, as an American I don't have a local team I could raise to European glory. In past FM titles I've invariably played Lower League Manager because I picked up the game after originally being inspired by journalist Brian Phillips' epic Pro Vercelli LP, which I cannot recommend highly enough. But as much as I enjoyed helping out Luton Town and FC Halifax, I know much less about them than I do a team and town that was created by an English webcomics author. Plus, we'll spend fewer years struggling to rise through the ranks with a billionaire Russian oligarch showering money on the team.

Ok, how are you conjuring a team out of thin air?

Football Manager's publishers enjoy letting their players monkey with the game, and offer a free database editor with the game. Through that you can make changes to every facet of the game. Likewise, they offer a more limited ingame editor which can be used to modify the game as you play. I'll likely be tweaking things along the way to make sure I don't give Tackleford too much of an advantage. Also, considering that that's them in the picture at the top of the post being killed by a falling satellite it's not like I have to go through the laborious process of creating a new squad from whole cloth.

I jumped ahead and you're not running Tackleford. What gives?

Well, you can get fired in this game if you don't perform up to expectations. Tackleford decided my winning promotion the first year wasn't good enough after a mediocre start the next year. We're now at Wrexham, the third oldest professional soccer team in the world, and one of the very oldest Welsh teams period. That sparked a serious rivalry going with big spending Tackleford, for obvious reasons.

Is there Goon participation?

You bet your bippy there is. Wrexham is run by a fan trust. That means I have to come to you, the readers, when I want to ask for things like upgrades to our training facilities or more staff I have to request them from the board, which votes on it, and you guys set our wage budgets. I also have to negotiate my contract with you whenever it's up. Goons are also selected to be directors and elected to become president of the club, although that's honorary rather than having any real effect on gameplay. Lastly, there's a yearly prediction contest where the winner gets to impact the game world, over the years Goons have turned Scotland into a legitimate power in world soccer.

This is great, but I could use more spreadsheets.

You're in luck! I've started keeping my club management spreadsheet in a google doc. There you'll see a whole host of data about all the players and coaches at the club.

Now onwards! To victory and vengeance!

Volume One: An American Coach in Yorkshire
July 16, 2013-May 11, 2014
Chapters
Chapter the First: A day that will live in infamy.
Chapter the Second: Wherein I realize that we have to play a game far sooner than I expected.
Chapter the Third: Shut up and take my money!
Chapter the Fourth: Slouching towards Bethlehem to be born.
Interlude: Meet the Lads! Your 2013-2014 Tackleford City FC Facebook!
Chapter the Fifth: Undefeated!
Chapter the Sixth: Where are the superstars you promised us?
Chapter the Seventh: Trouble in paradise.
Chapter the Eighth: Slip and slide.
Interlude: Midwinter Night's Dream.
Chapter the Ninth: All day err' day.
Chapter the Tenth: The ides of March.
Chapter the Eleventh: Bring me the diamonds in the rough.
Chapter the Twelfth: Fledglings have to fly or die.

Volume Two: The Tackleford Schism
May 12, 2014-May 31, 2015
Chapters
Chapter the First: The close season.
Chapter the Second: We are the Washington Generals.
Chapter the Third: Second verse, same as the first.
Chapter the Fourth: Finding new ways to fail.
Chapter the Fifth: Unemployed in Greenland.
Interlude: Wales is OK!
Chapter the Sixth: Enter the dragon.
Chapter the Seventh: Live from the Racecourse Grounds, it's the FA Cup on ITV.
Chapter the Eighth: A rough trail roughly traveled.
Chapter the Ninth: Filling holes.
Chapter the Tenth: On the fringes of contention.
Chapter the Eleventh: The thing I love about youth intake players is that I keep getting older...
Chapter the Twelfth: The final five.
Chapter the Thirteenth: The first crucible.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2014-2015

Volume Three: Consolidation
May 31, 2015-June 9, 2016
Chapters
Prologue: Team makeover party!
Chapter the First: The gang goes to summer camp.
Chapter the Second: Mammalian dive reflex.
Chapter the Third: Autumnal chills.
Minilude: The 4-5-1 Counter
Chapter the Fourth: From the bottom up.
Chapter the Fifth: Hair of the dog.
Interlude: Deadweight losses.
Chapter the Sixth: New Year's resolutions.
Chapter the Seventh: Treading water.
Chapter the Eighth: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
Minilude: Depth Charts and Statistics.
Chapter the Ninth: Midtable dreams.
Chapter the Tenth: No rest for the wicked.

Volume Four: Raised Expectations
June 9, 2016-May 1, 2017
Chapters
Prologue: Out with the old, in with the new.
Chapter the First: I know what you did last summer.
Chapter the Second: Putting the right foot forward.
Chapter the Third: One step forward, two steps back.
Chapter the Fourth: Put up or shut up.
Chapter the Fifth: On the march to Wembley.
Chapter the Sixth: We will Bury you.
Chapter the Seventh: Post-Christmas cheer.
Chapter the Eighth: The trip to the Tyne.
Chapter the Ninth: Wembley or bust.
Chapter the Tenth: Flashing the cash.
Chapter the Eleventh: Johnstone's Paint Trophy Final Live Blog!
Chapter the Twelfth: Titletown, UK
Cyfrinachol Wrecsam: Ystadegau Tîm a Rhagolygon, yn ôl-weithredol 2016-2017

Volume Five: Double or Nothing
May 1, 2017-June 9, 2018
Chapters
Prologue: Before the afterglow fades.
Chapter the First: A fullback, my kingdom for a fullback.
Chapter the Second: A brief reminder that we are still minnows.
Chapter the Third: The zebra shows his stripes.
Chapter the Fourth: Form following function.
Chapter the Fifth: Wherein I get frustrated with international call-ups.
Chapter the Sixth: A very Wrexham Christmas.
Interlude: Firing on all cylinders.
Chapter the Seventh: Swooping isn't all bad.
Chapter the Eighth: The unstoppable force.
Chapter the Ninth: Daedalus is our daddy.
Chapter the Tenth: Down to the wire.
Interlude: The Dragon's Lair Podcast
Epilogue: The price of doing business.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2017-2018

Volume Six: A Meteoric Rise
June 9, 2018-June 9, 2019
Chapters
Prologue: Everyone wants our players.
Chapter the First: Testing our mettle.
Chapter the Second: Stumbling out of the gate.
Chapter the Third: Wherein I have to pull us out of a tailspin.
Chapter the Fourth: Giving as good as we get.
Chapter the Fifth: The mysterious Mateo Mujkic.
Interlude: Why do they rock so hard?
Chapter the Sixth: The other shoe refuses to drop.
Chapter the Seventh: Kicking in Opportunity's door.
Chapter the Eighth: Spring Breakers, the unrated international call-up edition.
Chapter the Ninth: The Gauntlet, part 1
Chapter the Tenth: The Gauntlet, part 2
Interlude: The God-King in Wales Speaks
Epilogue: The calm before the storm.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2018-2019

Volume Seven: The Show
June 9, 2019-June 9, 2020
Chapters
Prologue: Panning for gold.
Chapter the First: Old faces, new circumstances.
Chapter the Second: Welcome to the show, meat.
Chapter the Third: If we live, we live to tread on kings.
Chapter the Fourth: Draws are boring.
Interlude: The Election, 2019-2020
Chapter the Fifth: Soar you mighty Dragons.
Chapter the Sixth: Dream an impossible dream.
Chapter the Seventh: Leap year.
Chapter the Eighth: In like a lion.
Chapter the Ninth: End of the line.
Interlude: Profits and losses
Epilogue: Eripio ex Nihilo
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2019-2020

Volume Eight: Youthful Exuberance
June 9, 2020-June 30, 2021
Chapters
Prologue: The gang goes to Europe.
Chapter the First: The start of something special?
Chapter the Second: Proteges and prodigies.
Chapter the Third: Dragons Down Under.
Chapter the Fourth: Goals galore.
Chapter the Fifth: Tempered and quenched.
Interlude: The Youngbloods.
Chapter the Sixth: In which I'm reminded that we're not yet considered among the elite.
Chapter the Seventh: Green eggs and West Ham.
Chapter the Eighth: There's always someone better.
Fan Trust Interlude: The Ballad of Rocky Bastable, by SnafuAl.
Chapter the Ninth: The edge of glory.
Chapter the Tenth: Grab the brass ring.
Fan Trust Interlude: Yuri Kropotkin? I heard you were dead! by Zeroisanumber.
Epilogue: Make it rain.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2020-2021

Volume Nine: Continental Drift
July 1, 2021-June 9, 2022
Chapters
Prologue: You're dead to me, Sunil Gulati.
Chapter the First: Fixture congestion.
Chapter the Second: Late escapes and near misses.
Chapter the Third: Power outage.
Chapter the Fourth: Game in hand.
Chapter the Fifth: Wherein I fervently pray for our ultras to glass multiple referees.
Chapter the Sixth: I'll be home for Christmas.
Chapter the Seventh: In the fifth minute of three minutes of stoppage time.
Chapter the Eighth: Discipline and punish.
Chapter the Ninth: ♪How much is that kid in the window?♫
Chapter the Tenth: Lament for a lost season.
Chapter the Eleventh: Progress marches on.
Epilogue: Home grown youth at rock bottom prices.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2021-2022

Volume Ten: Two Hats
June 9, 2022-June 9, 2023
Chapters
Prologue: Depth charged.
Chapter the First: Who needs free time anyways?
Chapter the Second: "Has The God-King Bitten Off More Than He Can Chew?"
Chapter the Third: Reversion to the mean.
Chapter the Fourth: Oh-fer-two.
Chapter the Fifth: A rookie mistake.
Chapter the Sixth: Getting our second wind.
Interlude: GQ: The New Face of Football.
Chapter the Seventh: Wheeling and dealing.
Chapter the Eighth: Chasing what can't be caught.
Chapter the Ninth: I can see the finish line.
Chapter the Tenth: April Fools.
Chapter the Eleventh: Butterflies of the stomach.
Chapter the Twelfth: The Champions League final.
Epilogue: I'm like a bulldozer, with a wrecking ball attached.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2022-2023

Volume Eleven: We're the Champs.
June 9, 2023-June 8, 2024
Chapters
Prologue: Dos a Cero.
Chapter the First: Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you, Rocky Bastable.
Chapter the Second: Don't make a deal just to make a deal.
Chapter the Third: The Welsh steamroller.
Chapter the Fourth: Put an asterisk on the whole shebang.
Chapter the Fifth: The Disgrace of Kazan.
Interlude: The Election, Round One
Chapter the Sixth: World Champions, sort of.
Interlude: The Election, Round Two
Chapter the Seventh: The megabastard cometh.
Chapter the Eighth: A game in hand is not worth two in the bush.
Chapter the Ninth: Fire and brimstone.
Chapter the Tenth: Player three has entered the game.
Chapter the Eleventh: The immolation of Stoke.
Epilogue: The rain in Spain falls mainly on Chicago.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2023-2024

Volume Twelve: Running with the Devils
June 8, 2024-June 14, 2025
Chapters
Prologue: A quiet window.
Chapter the First: Citius. Altius. Fortius.
Chapter the Second: The “no f$&#ing way” game.
Chapter the Third: The irrepressible Thiago.
Chapter the Fourth: Wherein Basel looks our gift horse in the mouth.
Interlude: Our constellation of stars.
Chapter the Fifth: Return of The Special One.
Chapter the Sixth: Bombardment.
Interlude: Unparking the bus.
Chapter the Seventh: Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.
Chapter the Eighth: Wild oats.
Chapter the Ninth: Neck and neck.
Chapter the Tenth: Counterrevolution.
Epilogue: Empty honors.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2024-2025

Volume Thirteen: Treblemakers
June 14, 2025-June 10, 2026
Chapters
Prologue: Dry run.
Chapter the First: Bringing our B game.
Interlude: The Red Dragon's Interdimensional Preseason Tour!
Chapter the Second: I need a vacation from my summer vacation.
Chapter the Third: The consequences of sloth.
Chapter the Fourth: Howard Webb must die.
Chapter the Fifth: The Group of death mild discomfort.
Chapter the Sixth: Presenting Vivace, a fragrance by Thiago.
Interlude: Deadspin.com Presents: What you need to know about the World Cup
Chapter the Seventh: New year, old faces.
Chapter the Eighth: Burn them all.
Chapter the Ninth: A rolling stone gathers no moss.
Chapter the Tenth: Triple threat.
Chapter the Eleventh: Restoration.
Chapter the Twelfth: All about that trebel.
Epilogue: Taken 4, Taken Again.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2025-2026

Volume Fourteen: Wire to Wire
June 11, 2026-May 29, 2027
Chapters
Prologue: The rocket's red glare.
Minilude:Copa Mundial/Weltmeisterschaft finalist spotlight.
Chapter the First: Downshifting.
Chapter the Second: "And they're off!"
Chapter the Third: Fresh meat.
Chapter the Fourth: I hate Extra Time.
Chapter the Fifth: Ten year reunion.
Chapter the Sixth: Quick hits.
Chapter the Seventh: We need a bigger trophy cabinet.
Interlude: The Dragonz Lair Radio Hour on BBC Radio Wales.
Chapter the Eighth: Golden Ball.
Chapter the Ninth: It comes down to who wants it more.
Chapter the Tenth: A bad draw, a bad day.
Chapter the Eleventh: Dr. Meteor and Mr. Mujkic
Chapter the Twelfth: Stumbling across the finish line.
Chapter the Thirteenth: Bon voyage, Bruno Santos.
Epilogue: Live from the San Siro in Milan, it's the Champions League Final MBM by the Guardian.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2026-2027

Volume Fifteen: Re-inverting the Pyramid
May 29, 2027-June 8, 2028
Chapters
Prologue: Always Be Transfering.
Chapter the First: What is old shall be made new.
Chapter the Second: That damned glass mansion again.
Chapter the Third: Red SwinglineTM stapler.
Chapter the Fourth: Spreadsheet Manager Gaiden.
Chapter the Fifth: Of Mice and Men and Zombies.
Chapter the Sixth: An expensive victory.
Chapter the Seventh: Buy something, will ya?
Chapter the Eighth: Bombs away!
Chapter the Ninth: The trainer's bench is overcrowded.
Chapter the Tenth: At the doorstep of immortality.
Chapter the Eleventh: A press conference with the greatest coach in the world.
Chapter the Twelfth: You can never go home again.
Chapter the Thirteenth: My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings.
Epilogue: He wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2027-2028

The Wrexham Almanac
Player Appendix
Record Appendix

Volume Sixteen: Time Flies When You're Having Fun
May 29, 2028-August 15, 2030
Chapter the First: Golden goal.
Chapter the Second: Big fish in a little pond.
Chapter the Third: The Hex, Part 1.
Interlude: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2028-2029.
Chapter the Fourth: More Jekyll than Hyde.
Chapter the Fifth: The B Team.
Chapter the Sixth: The Hex, Part 2.
Chapter the Seventh: All the ducks in a row.
Interlude Part 1: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2029-2030.
Interlude Part 2: Meet Your US Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Chapter the Eighth: Born on the Fourth of July.

The Trophy Case


Tackleford



2013-2014 Skrill North Champions



Wrexham



2014-2015 Skrill Premier Promotion Playoff Winners



2016-2017 League Two Champions



2017-2018 League One Champions



2018-2019 Championship Runners Up



2021 FA Cup



2022-2023 Premier League Champions



2022-2023 Champions League Champions



2023 Community Shield



2023 UEFA Super Cup



2023 Club World Cup



2024 League Cup



2023-2024 Premier League Champions



2024 Community Shield



2025-2026 Premier League Champions



2026 FA Cup



2025-2026 Champions League Champions



2026 UEFA Super Cup



2026 Club World Cup



2027 League Cup



2026-2027 Premier League Champions



2026-2027 Champions League Champions



2027 Community Shield



2027 Super Cup



2027 Club World Cup



2028 League Cup



2027-2028 Premier League Champions



2028 FA Cup



2027-2028 Champions League Champions


USMNT



2023 CONCACAF Gold Cup



2024 Summer Olympics Silver Medalists



2025 CONCACAF Gold Cup



2027 CONCACAF Gold Cup



2028 Summer Olympics Silver Medalists



2029 Confederations Cup Champions

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 21:07 on Jun 23, 2016

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Volume One: It's a long, long way to Tipperary

Chapter the First: A day that will live in infamy.
July 16, 2013



Football Manager Classic is a recently introduced mode that streamlines the game significantly. It's for players who don't want to drop 500+ hours into the full life-eating game. I've never touched it. I've never tried the challenges, either. Those are short scenarios where you're forced to deal with things like your team suffering a stunning number of injuries and you being forced to use your youth squad. Which is fine and all, but nothing like the challenge of going from a regional league to champions of Europe. So we'll be playing Football Manager.



All 51 nations enabled. Right now you can see that we have an approximate player count of 22,000, and an estimated game speed rating of 4 stars. That's not going to last.



This next screen determines which leagues are playable, and which will only be simulated in the background. I've set England to playable, naturally. I've also set Belgium, France, the Netherlands, Germany, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, and Ireland to playable as well, since I'll want to pick up players from their leagues in order to improve our own. As you can see, the approximate player count has more than doubled to 56,000. If you set every possible league to playable, you end up with something around 150,000 players, which makes the game process slowly on even top of the line computers. As you can see the estimated game speed rating is now 1.5 stars.

I've also clicked off real players. One reason for that is that it will take at least 5 years to make the Premiership, another is because real players won't get into off the field trouble like fake players will. You'll see what I'm talking about when it happens. Plus, this way Lionel Messi won't win the Ballon d'Or 10 years straight like he did in my FM2013 game. The downside is, I won't be able to hire Messi as a coach after he retires like I did in my FM2013 game. On the other hand, every player will get a sweet sweet computer generated portrait.



Now to create the head coach. The most important thing on this page is your “Past Playing Experience”- players, fans, the media, and owners are vastly more likely to respect you if you're a former world class player than if you're some schmoe from the local Sunday league. Since I last played soccer in pickup games way back when I was in college, Sunday league is probably too kind to my past experience but it's the lowest setting there is. I've also changed my place of birth and date of birth, but the picture is real.



There's our team! You can also choose to manage a national team, aiming to win the World Cup, but I find that less interesting than the club game. We have some major advantages over our opposition, in that our stadium is 4-5 times larger, the owner of the team is a Russian mining oligarch, and most importantly that we're a professional team rather than a semi-pro team. Semi-pro teams can only train 3 days a week, which means getting everyone up to speed on tactics takes up most of the training time. If you play Lower League Manager, your first goal is to build up enough of a bankroll to go pro.



This is the news inbox, you'll become very familiar with this window. It's where we're informed of just about everything that happens in the game that matters to our club. Let's take a whirl around the major categories.

The Owner:



Yuri Kropotkin is a Russian mining magnate who became a fan of the club after watching his hometown team in Omsk get decimated during the 1971 Fairs Cup. Now loaded with billions upon billions, he's finally accomplished his boyhood dream. Unfortunately "Nova Abromovich" (as he's come to be known as in the Daily Mail) doesn't have the best business sense, spending 185 million pounds on a player from a team no one has ever heard of.



In terms of what they mean for the game, they're the ones who set the budget and who we have to go to hat in hand for improvements to things like training facilities and youth recruitment. Kropotkin will be a sugar daddy, which means we'll get plenty of cash, but he'll also be impatient to see success.

The Club:



To say that the club has fallen on hard times is a significant understatement. Despite playing top division soccer in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, Tackleford City has finally reached its nadir, falling to the Skrill North division. The glory days of First Division football and winning the League Cup in 1985 are long past. The last decade and a half has seen a slide from the moderate respectability of League One to the barely professional level of non Football League soccer.



Also, yes, it was called the Milk Cup. These days it's sponsored by Capital One, which is a downgrade in pretty much every way.



To make matters worse the team was struck by catastrophe shortly before our story begins, when a large satellite fell from the sky during a pre-season friendly, killing the manager and all but two of the players.



Those grayed out players are what the game gives you when you don't have a full compliment of players. They are horrible, and represent what your team could bring in off the street. They will not be playing any games for us. Orson Duchamps and Cyrus Rosetti are the only players to have survived death from above. Pay no attention to their current five star ratings, your players are rated against the other players on your team, so a player who has a five star rating for your team in the lowest league would be lucky to have a 1 star rating for a Champion's League squad. Since they're being compared to the game's approximation of what a bottom rung side could scrounge up they're going to be considerably overestimated. Also, the current Assistant Manager is a complete poltroon who couldn't recognize talent if it whacked him in the head with a bicycle kick.



Those scores are... not good. The other staff are no better. The club trainer is the worst. A physiotherapy score of 2 means he's got the medical skills of a novice Dwarf Fortress doctor. They're all getting fired and replaced by people who at least are in the vicinity of competent.



By comparison, Cyrus Rosetti's far better than our team deserves, but also worth about 2% of his 185 million quid transfer fee. Attributes range from 1 to 20 in Football manager, anything above a 12 is reasonably competent, anything above a 16 is world class. We're not going to have players with many scores above a 16 for a while.

Rosetti costs serious money, earning 40% of our overall wage budget, but he's got better attributes than any other striker in the Skrill North. He's fast, possesses good acceleration, is very good off the ball, and has good finishing and composure. He'll be the best player by a significant amount in the league, and wouldn't be out of place in the Championship division.

The Boardroom:



This is the boardroom screen, where you can see how your board thinks of you, ask for things, and change your budget. The budget will be the first thing we change. Since there's no point in spending millions of pounds on players who'd rather retire than sign with us, we're going to pare the transfer budget as far back as the board will let us, which will allow us to overpay players with League Two talent to come play with our team.



It's good to have an oligarchs backing. In most games, it's a careful dance between setting your wage budget and keeping enough money on hand to buy some players and improve your squad. We don't have that concern, yet.

So that's roughly where we start. Next update we'll be hiring players and staff, setting up our tactics and training regimen, and maybe even playing a soccer match or two. Exciting stuff in the world of spreadsheets, I can already tell that you just can't wait!

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 20:48 on Dec 5, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Testekill posted:

Dude, didn't this just come out like three weeks ago?


EDIT: Less than two weeks ago.

It did. Given that FM has no plot, and is simply a slightly different iteration each year with updated rosters, I'm hoping that that's OK. Especially as I haven't been able to find a complete LP of the series (the one I could find is fairly recent but also hasn't been updated in a month and a half, and made it through 2 games).

If it's not OK, then I'll abandon it.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Thanks for the feedback.

I emailed the mods last night. I'll wait til I hear from them before continuing.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Got word from Zorak that this is a no-go.

I might keep writing this up on my own and save it for after Christmas, that'd actually give me a decent sized backlog of posts to put up once every couple days and I'd still probably be somewhere around only the 3rd or 4th season. Or I might wait until then anyways for the game to get patched if there's any bonkers errors in the match engine that cause weird results while playing.

It's too bad, though. I'd have really liked to get some feedback on my writing style and what people are interested in seeing. I could go back to FM13, but I'd just end up playing my current save. Reading about a team with some of the best players in the world dominating the poor little clubs isn't as much fun as watching a terrible team stumble around on their way up.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 15:32 on Nov 11, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
I was kind of hoping that would happen. There are some changes from the 2013 model, but it's a heck of a lot less than comes in most expansion packs. Thanks!

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Farecoal posted:

Could you thumbnail he screenshots? I'm liking this otherwise.

Definitely. And over time I'll actually learn how to crop images well. Heck, at some point there might even be short video clips of the matches instead of poorly timed screenshots.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Second, Wherein I realize that we have to play a game far sooner than I expected.
July 16, 2013



The first course of business is to cancel the friendly matches that had been arranged by the previous manager. I'd have been doing this anyways, it's almost always better to set up your own friendlies and as a lower league club without any cash acting as a top flight team's punching bag is a good way to rapidly improve your finances, but there's absolutely no point in playing friendlies when only 2 of the current players will be on the team in a few weeks.



Unfortunately, my first day on the job coincides with a match against Fleetwood, a League Two team. You'd have thought that someone would have canceled that game given the shape of the team, but it's the managers job to schedule friendlies and no one got around to doing it before I was hired. Worse, it looks like the team was forced to play an away game at Wrexham the previous week, which they promptly lost 5-0.

It's too late to cancel the friendly, we're going to have to play a match with our current players. If we only lose by 5 it'll be a minor miracle. On the other hand, if one of the replacements plays well I might sign him to a contract, we need at least 16 players before the season begins in about a month's time.



Before we get to the game, it's time to clean house. When you first take over as manager of a team you have the option of asking the current staff to accept a mutual termination. It'll cost you less than firing them outright, but you still have to pay them a portion of their remaining contract as severance. If you're a poor club, you might have to wait a while before you can upgrade your staff. We are not a poor club, so everyone is getting the sack.

Letting lots of people go in a short period of time is generally bad for team morale, as people begin to wonder who's next to be called into your office to discuss their lack of a future with the team. Since I'm firing all but 2 people at the club, and one of them already has a morale of “Abysmal,” I don't really care.



Now that that's over, it's time to bring in new staff. The most important of those positions is your Assistant Manager, or rear end Man. Besides having an unfortunate abbreviated title, he's the guy who keeps us informed of what's going on in your clubhouse and gives you his recommendation on your players current abilities and potential for improvement. Also, when (not if) we get ourselves banned from the sideline by the Football Association for telling the referee that we're going to burn down his house after he misses a clear penalty our rear end Man will take over match tactics and team pep-talks.

The Assistant Manager and other staffers such as the Chief Scout, Head of Youth Development, and Director of Football, can be delegated quite a bit of responsibility in the game. They can handle your in-game tactics and team pep talks, attend the press conferences, even negotiate and ink contracts with players and handle transfers. I generally like to micromanage, which is why I only play one Football Manager save a year, and why I only care about my rear end Man's ability to judge talent. And I made it all the way to the end of this section without making a joke about being an rear end man. I'm getting old.



This is the staff search page. Get to know it, you'll be spending a lot of time here and on the very similar player search page. You can modify what you're searching for almost any way you wish, right down to looking for an unemployed 50 year old Irishman who has great management skills with older players but just doesn't understand kids these days. You can also change which attributes and information is shown in the results. The above are the attributes and information I generally use when looking for scouts and assistant managers. As I said. I primarily want my rear end Man to be a good judge of current and potential ability. Well, and I want him for one other thing that I'll mention later. I also like all of my coaches to have good determination, discipline, and motivation scores, as those attributes impact their training rating.

As you can see here, there's 15 people the club is aware of who meet our specifications of being fine connoisseurs of talent. None of them will even consider working for us- they all either have jobs at other, much better clubs or can get hired by other, much better clubs. Which is the second thing I need my rear end Man for, without one you can't filter out everyone who's unwilling to join your organization from your searches. Always remember to complete contract negotiations with your new rear end Man before you kick the old one out the door, or you won't be able to figure out which assistant managers would be interested in the job.



Ah, much better. None of these guys are anything special, but they're all significantly better than the incumbent. Marc McLaughlin has decent scouting stats, and isn't shabby when it comes to determination, discipline, and motivation. He's even pretty good working with young players, something that will be important given how I fetishize youth in unseemly ways. I mean, why sign a 26 year old who's really good but probably won't get better when I can sign a not quite as good 19 year old who could be great in 5 years? I tend to lust for young players like Hollywood lusts for budding actresses. Heck, when I'm playing this game I'm often on my couch! Ahem.

Anyways, who cares if McLaughlin's knowledge of tactics begins and ends with which goal you're supposed to try and kick the ball into? Let's see if he'll sign on with us.



I seem to have offended him by low-balling on the first offer. Negotiations consist of offers going back and forth between a player/staffer or their agent and you. Depending on the traits of the person you're dealing with and your personal relationship with them they have more or less willingness to keep trading offers. At one point in my last save I had to sell the midfielder who I'd raised with the team since he was in high school, despite my being listed as his favorite person, because his agent had a patience of 1 and my relationship with the agent was “Hatred.” The agent would demand contracts worth more than my board would let me offer, then refuse to negotiate. So the moral of the story is, don't get too attached to the bits of binary that make up players in this game. Also, gently caress agents.



If the person you're trying to hire's background turns yellow it means you've got one last chance to get them to accept an offer. I sign McLaughlin after haggling him down to £240/week. In a few days we'll get a message in our inbox signaling that he's accepted our offer, and he'll join the team. Next up we quickly find a team doctor that won't kill our players by accident while trying to treat a stubbed toe, and our sawbones's physiotherapy attribute goes from 2 to 16. Then we add half dozen or so scouts whose job will be finding us players from the UK and Ireland. I also hire some coaches to train the players, but I'll hold off on showing them until I explain how training works.



On their way out the door, one of the sacked staffers leaks our contract offer I made to a cromulent young goalkeeper, setting off five other teams also making contract offers. I want that 28k in severance package back, jerk.



Now that we've staffed up, it's time for our first match.

At Fleetwood, July 16, 2013
Friendly


We're going to start off in the 4-4-2 formation. 1 goalkeeper, 4 defenders, 4 midfielders, 2 strikers. We'll get fancier as we go along, but the old 4-4-2 is a classic and basic formation for a reason as it's both simple and balanced. We're still going to get murdered.



What makes it even worse is that our temporary players apparently tied one on last night, and are in horrible condition. Generally you don't want to start players who are at less than 95% because of the decline in performance due to fatigue and increased chance of injury. Starting players who are already down to 64% means the ones playing a full match will be in the 30s by the time the game is over.



That went about as expected. On the bright side, we literally have nowhere else to go but up from here.

Fleetwood 5-0 Tackleford

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 16:13 on Jan 28, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Hmm, thumbnailing the images makes them really hard to read. I'm going to leave them as a normal image tag for now, then go and figure out how to resize them so they're not gigantic, and then come back with more reasonably sized pictures.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
I didn't know a whole lot about the technical side of soccer before starting to play a couple years ago. I hardly knew anything about league structures outside of the basics of promotion and relegation. It's really made it easier for me to be a fan of the professional sport beyond merely enjoying the international competitions.

The images are still slightly hard to read, I'll probably have to reduce my screen resolution somewhat so that they're easier to read in the future. Which is annoying, because there's still a lot of stuff that isn't shown on each screen at 1600x900.

If anyone has questions or whatnot, feel free to ask them, i'm going to aim for a couple updates a week. Once I'm past the initial surge of "here's all the important screens in the game and how you use them" things should be able to move at a pretty good clip. And since Football Manager is designed for people to upload match videos directly to YouTube I'll be able to give clips from interesting and important matches once in a whil

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Cart Cam posted:

It tends to only work if the player has you in favoured personnel, mostly it just pisses the player and the agent off so if you want to buy other players that have him as their agent I'd advise not trying it.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to trying this down the road once my players are good enough to actually have agents. I don't mind agents who are patient, even if they're tough negotiators. It's just massively frustrating to make an initial offer when you don't know what the agent is looking for and have them immediately get huffy and difficult to negotiate with. FM14 has a new negotiations page, I can't tell how much of an improvement it is yet.

Reveilled posted:

Just in case you are not aware, if you keep the images at the original size and thumbnail them, clicking the blue box (not the image itself) on the thumbnail that shows the dimensions will expand the image to its original size, so there is no loss of information.

StoryTime posted:

I thought one of the features of FM 2014 was the ability to change font size? I could be wrong, I haven't been following that closely.

I'll keep fiddling with it. I'll also start cropping photos for stuff where i've already shown the screen previously, which should reduce the need for resizing. Thanks for the feedback! I should have another update coming up this evening after work. I'd like to get 1-2 more up before Friday, then I'm going to be away for several days.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Third: Shut up and take my money!
July 16, 2013-July 26, 2013

The day after our thrashing at the hands of Fleetwood I get introduced to the assembled members of the press. Press conferences usually bookend matches and sometimes occur when you bring a new player. The media tends to ask questions about the results of the recent game, the performance of players, strategy, your relationship with opposing players and coaches, and potential future transfers and signings. In this case, they're wondering what I'll do to the staff that was present when I arrived.



“You brute! When are you planning on firing everyone?”
“I already did it 35 minutes ago.”



It's generally not a good idea to get on the wrong side of the owners straight off the bat, but there will be times when complaining to the press might help you get something you want, such as new training facilities or a larger transfer budget. Generally you need to be firmly entrenched in your job, which will make it hard for them to just fire you for impertinence.



Can it really be called a press conference if only one reporter shows up? I guess it's understandable, but you'd think we'd at least have some local bloggers who wanted free coffee and danishes. But at least this means we won't be bothered while we try and build our team.



And this is why having your potential transfers leak is a bad thing. I've put contract offers to a dozen or so players, based upon what I knew from my original scout. The problem is that we're a bottom rung team, and players tend to go to the highest level where they can get a job even if that means being a backup instead of a full time player. Moreover, most of them are wanted by other teams who are also offering them contracts.



Board meetings. Football Manager does a great job with verisimilitude here, board meetings in the game are as boring and frustrating as in real life. You can request a meeting with the board more or less whenever you wish, but they won't accept any requests which had been recently denied.



I first try to persuade the board to change their philosophy towards a youth oriented one rather than one of signing high reputation players. This both fits the way I play, and means we wouldn't have a grumpy board when no stars are willing to come play for us. They refuse. I also try to get them to find us a parent club, a team from several leagues above us from whom we can take players on loan.



It takes some convincing, but they agree to it. They also agree to improve our training facilities, which will cost us £1.3m but will be worth it once we start getting players who have a lot of potential upside. We only get to make three requests at a time, and given that the board can reject our wishes they're essentially a poo poo genie.



I've let the game run a bit, and while we still haven't signed any players we've at least got some scouts now. You can assign scouts to watch one league and look for new talent in one region, and under what criteria they should file a report on a player they scout. Since we're currently limited to the UK and Ireland region, there's not much variety there, but I send them off to look for young players with a chance of being excellent or better. This will hopefully find us players who can improve enough to be useful through multiple leagues. More likely it'll result in me finding a lot of players who have no interest playing for us.



You can also select individual players to be scouted via either the search screen or their team's screen. These will get done by whichever scout has some free time. Currently we've got 229 players in the scouting pool, and it'll take several weeks for our five scouts to work up reports on them all. A scout will get more or less work done depending on their determination, motivation, and discipline stats. Most of these players are all on the transfer list at their current teams, which means their team has put them up for sale.



We've also hired a full compliment of coaches. Coaches are rated on a scale from 1 to 5 stars, and unlike players their rating is not compared to other coaches on your staff. Coaches work best when they are only teaching one skill, have them do more than one and their ratings drop quickly. Generally anything above 3 stars is very good for the lower leagues, and you should be aiming for 4 stars minimum when you get to the top league. The goalkeeper coaches have only a 2 star rating at the moment, but that's because they don't have any to train yet.



Figuring out what makes a good coach is a bit of a pain in the rear end, however. Ratings are based upon the interplay of two primary statistics, such as Attacking and Mental for Attacking rating or Attacking and Technique for Shooting rating, as well as their Discipline, Motivation, and Determination scores. I strongly recommend just getting one of the many rating calculators available so you don't have to try and do the math in your head. It's not a lot of fun when you think you've improved your coaching staff, fired the old guy to make room, and then find out that your new, more expensive coach has the same rating as the old guy. The above attributes belong to our new 4.5 star fitness coach, who I've locked up with a very long, very cheap contract as he's good enough to be working in the Premier League.



Beyond setting up your coaches you also determine the practice schedule. I tend towards fitness training during the pre-season and a switch to a balanced schedule during the season, but in this case, I'll be switching over to teamwork since our players are as familiar with each other as the Mighty Ducks were after the recruitment montage. You also have to determine how much time you spend training for each match and familiarizing the team with the tactics you're using. During the pre-season I tend to focus on tactical training heavily as players, like students, tend to forget everything they learned the prior year over summer break. Once they're well trained in a formation, then I scale back significantly on the amount of match training they do. You can also schedule days off before and after games, which is a good idea if you don't want your players to all die of exhaustion by mid-season.



Our first signing is Sam Edwards, a 30 year old fullback who cost us more than he really should have. It's only a 2 year deal, however, and given our budget we could afford to pay much more than we are. We need players, and I can't afford to be picky.



He's not a very good player, but he can play all of the defensive positions competently and can fake it just about everywhere else on the field. He's also going to be our designated throw in man, with a Long Throws stat of 19 he could create some real chances for a goal when we get throw ins on the opponents side of the field. At 30 years old he should still be a couple years away from when his physical attributes go into free-fall, if they do he's going to become awful real quick.



After one week we've only signed one new player. Most of our targets went elsewhere, including the ones who were actually decent. It gives me some schadenfreude to see the guy I had tried to sign as a backup goalkeeper hurt himself immediately after signing elsewhere. Our team is more or less set up except that we don't have players, and I'm starting to get concerned as our next friendly is in a week. It's time to stop trying to find bargains and start throwing money at the problem.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 16:38 on Jan 28, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Drone posted:

Great stuff so far! For the record though, you may want to use the timg tag, as you're still breaking tables. For stuff like press conferences, instead of pasting an entire screenshot, maybe just give us a line-by-line recap typed out? We don't really need to see the whole UI for stuff like that. For simple image editing, try giving Paint.NET a try, as it's free and basic, allowing you to do some stuff like cropping/resizing.

I'm loving how informative you're making things though, since it helps make this game a bit less opaque for someone who really wants to like it but can't quite figure it out themselves (like me).

Yeah, I might just go full tIMG, i've tried cropping but it still ends up with wide screenshots.


mfcrocker posted:

It makes me a little sad to see the club with so much money but I'm definitely enjoying this so far.

I know, I'm tempted to edit the owner so that he sells the team. I literally could not spend 8 million on transfers. I'm probably not going to spend much more than half of the wage budget this season, and that's with 2 of my players earning 1/3rd of the budget.

eta: Also, after 2 press conferences the guy from The Non-League Paper already loves me. I'm not sure how that works, but he's already at the point where his relationship towards me is one of "Great Respect." I guess I must have taken him out drinking on the owners dime.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 23:40 on Nov 14, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Fourth: Slouching towards Bethlehem to be born.
July 26, 2013-August 15, 2013

It's two days from our first friendly, and we've actually added some players. None of them are a goalkeeper, and we've only got one defender, but it's a start.



The bookies have made us the favorite for the league crown despite only having 7 players signed. I'd like to imagine it's because they understand my greatness, but it's more likely because we have a ton of money to spend and our players so far are better than the semi-professionals who play at this level.



We've also held a trial day, hoping to find some players from the local area who can fill holes in the team. I didn't expect to find any of my starting 11 from this, but I've made offers to several players for depth and to fill our currently empty under-21 and under-18 teams. Some of them could turn out useful, and none of them were asking for much money. The scouts say that a couple of them could be with us all the way to the Championship if they develop.




Signing players is going poorly, as players who are good enough to earn their keep in better leagues need to be blown away by our offer This guy, for example, flat out refused a transfer after hearing my initial, generous, offer. The only thing that assuages me is that they'll be sorry when we're knifing through the ranks and they're still stuck as a backup in a backwater.

I won't deny panicking over our lack of goalkeeper, either. We were shortly before our second to last friendly and still hadn't found a suitable keeper, so when one demanded a knock-me-down offer to get his interest I ended up giving him nearly £5,000/wk. I've paid players less when I was in the Premier League! It was not my finest hour. It's only a one year contract, but I still feel embarrassed.



My scouts continue to sift through the dross for players. For every 20 player's scouted there might be one worth looking at. You'll want to look at the scout report, where under the potential rating they'll tell you how good they think a player can get. As a lower league manager you should be looking for guys with the ability to grow into players that can hang in leagues a couple above the one you're at while being useful at your current level of play.



The purpose of these friendlies is for the team to get match fit. Match fitness is essentially how in shape a player is. Players who aren't in shape tire out more quickly and often can't go a full game without getting badly fatigued. As such, I've scheduled four friendlies against small teams to get our sea legs and let the players build up some rapport on the pitch. In this coming match we're 20-1 favorites against an opponent I picked just because their name is so quintessentially English.




All of our players need to improve their match fitness. Our striker pairing is Target Man Hester in support of Rosetti, our Advanced Forward. Duchamps is playing as an Advanced Playmaker, seeking to set up play for the strikers and Wide Midfielders, Mudd and Terry, while Gallagher plays more defensively as a Deep-Lying Playmaker. Our back line has two Fullbacks, Stamp and Edwards, on automatic duty, which means they're responsible for both attack and defense, while the Limited Defenders Milner and Stevens don't contribute much to attack and instead focus on keeping things tidy at back. Stevens isn't even a defender by trade, but we don't have anyone who can play the position signed yet so he'll just have to do his best.



The team didn't play as well as I would have liked, but sometimes you need to boost the morale more than you need berate sloppy play. This was the first game they'd ever played as a group and while the opposition was uninspiring they did a good job in the second half to take a 3-1 victory.

The ratings you see are for halftime and fulltime. Ratings of 6.7-6.8 are about average. Ratings above 7 indicates playing well, while anything below a 6.5 indicates playing poorly. They're not the be all and end all of player evaluation, but they give a quick and dirty sense of how someone played. The team significantly improved after the half, which I'm going to credit to my inspiring halftime pep talk.



Now that we've got some players on the team, we can start assigning them individualized training. Your coaches can provide advice on what players should work on, but I prefer to set their focus to a specific role that I use in my style of play, so instead of various players working specifically on one attribute they work on one role. That way they'll become better fitted to my style, even if they weren't a perfect fit initially. That only goes so far, you're not going to turn a central defender into a winger, or a striker into a defensive midfielder, but it helps improve a range of skills that are most important to a position and tactical role. This naturally doesn't work as well with older players, part of my preference for young players is the chance to mold them as I deem fit.



I've been putting off the tactical side of things because it's one of the more complex parts of the game to explain, especially in this format. But it would be malpractice of me to not set the list of who takes free kicks and throw-ins, especially as some of our players would struggle to throw a soccer ball into a garbage bin from three feet away.



I've told the players to look for long throws, so that Edwards tries to use his world class Long Throws attribute to get the ball into the penalty area to create goals. Rosetti is by far and away our best free kick taker, and hopefully can steal a couple goals from dead ball situations. None of our players have a decent corner kick stat, so I've set them to aim for the near post because it's closer to them and they're less likely to screw it up.



I don't know who our captain and vice captain will be yet. The players with strong Determination and Leadership scores are very young, and beyond not wanting to put too much pressure on a teenage player several of them will be either backups or playing on the youth teams. Parrack could be an option, but he folds like a cheap suit when things get tough. Hopefully by the time the season starts we'll have slightly better options here. For now, though, we need to play the rest of our preseason.



We might be in real trouble. Or Football Manager might have finally fixed the way that the game determines player ratings and players no longer always end up around a 6.7-7 when they don't have a big mistake or score a goal. Either way, we lost two games that we should have won. The game against Rokycany, a Czech team, was never even close, we went down 3-0 before I could blink.



While we've wended our way through the preseason I've been signing players and trying to get everyone into playing shape, so at no point has our best 11 been on the field at the same time. But we're on the verge of the season opener against Brackley Town, a vibrant metropolis of 14,000 in the English Midlands, and I still don't have a good feel for this team yet. There's only one way to find out what these guys are made of, and that's to play the games.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 14:40 on Mar 19, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Interlude: Meet the Lads! Your 2013-2014 Tackleford City FC Facebook!

It's another exciting year here at the Fig Poll! New manager Scott Brown looks set to take the Lads back to glory! With a whole new squad and our owner chomping at the bit to bring home to bacon, we're ready to take the Skrill North division by storm! Follow it all in the Number One Magazine South of Leeds and North of Barnsely, the Football Monthly!



Sponsored by Percy Import-Export, whenever you need to get something somewhere, Percy's your man!


Alex Hester
Position: Striker
Age: 23
Coaches Quote: “Slower than molasses on a cold day.”
Favorite Member of One Direction: Zane Malik


Ally McLaren
Position: Central Defender
Age: 24
Likes: Heading the ball.
Dislikes: Kicking the ball.


Andrew Carr
Position: Defensive Midfielder
Age: 22
Last Police Interaction: ASBO for practicing tackles on old ladies.


Anth Hotte
Position: Left Back
Age: 32
Hobbies: Reading Sartre, wallowing in existential woe.


Billy Holsgrove
Position: Left Winger
Age: 24
Best Feature: “My hair, obviously.”


Bobby Oriogun
Position: Striker
Age: 19
Appellation: Bobby Flamboyant


Chris Burns
Position: Central Defender
Age: 19
Favorite Malcolm in the Middle Character: Dewey


Cyrus Rosetti
Position: Striker
Age: 21
Quote: “The minute my contract is up I am loving out of here.”


Dave Stamp
Position: Midfielder
Age: 21
Favorite show: Gilmore Girls
How he bonded with Coach Brown: Watching Gilmore Girls, despairing over Rory's taste in men.


Dax Terry
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Age: 19
Plans after football: Waste Management.


Derek McLaughlin
Position: Goalkeeper
Age: 19
Best Feature: “Billy Holsgrove's hair, obviously.”


Jim McCarron
Position: Right Winger
Age: 31
Second Job: Babysitter


John Bradley
Position: Goalkeeper
Age: 21
His Normal Friday Night: “Putting on my eyeshadow and listening to My Chemical Romance. Those guys just get me!”


Josh Milner
Position: Central Defender
Age: 18
Wages: £180/wk
Hair Care Expenses: £100/wk


Oliver Johnston
Position: Defensive Midfielder
Age: 33
Most embarrassing secret: “I thought they were calling me ginger because I was spicy!”


Orson Duchamps
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Age: 19
Biggest Fear: Falling satellites.


Paul Gallagher
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Age: 19
Quote: “Sometimes me and Tommy [Casey] pretend to be each other. It's a real larf, except when he banged my girlfriend.”


Sam Edwards
Position: Fullback
Age: 30
Claim to fame: First signing by new manager!


Sammy Oliver
Position: Right Back
Age: 18
On loan from parent club MK Dons.


Stefan Robinson
Position: Striker
Age: 17
Coaches Quote: “Holy poo poo, how did this kid sign with us?!”


Tommy Casey
Position: Right Winger
Age: 23
Voted Hottest In Class, 2008

Bonus! Stephan Robinson's Scouting report!



Those are very good technical and decent mental stats for a striker. Unfortunately, he's got very little by way of physical gifts. I expect him to play above his rating until we hit League One, though, simply because of how good he is technically and mentally compared to the competition. If he develops on the physical side, he'll be a great prospect, but my scouts say he won't ever be much more than a good League 2 player. As is he'll make a good strike partner for Rosetti, at least when he gets back from his current knee strain injury in six to eight weeks.

Next update won't be for a week or so, probably. I'm off to see Ian McKellen and Sir Pat Stew on Broadway and then stalking them until they adopt me.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 17:22 on Nov 15, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

mfcrocker posted:

I'm now hoping you lose every game for having MK Dons as your parent club :colbert:

I didn't have a choice! The board came back with one option, and overrode me when I chose not to recommend them.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Fifth: Undefeated!
August 15, 2013-September 8, 2013

We've now played through the first five games of the season. Let's see how it went.



Before the season started, I fiddled with our tactics slightly. As you can see, we're not well versed in our tactics yet, and that could seriously cost us in the early going- especially as the squad also has to gel into a coherent team. This tends to be my biggest problem when I'm trying to raise my team to the top levels. I not only use young players that grow into their talent over the season through regular play but I also have a lot of player turnover. That results in early stumbles as the younger players adjust to a higher level of play if we've been promoted and the new arrivals get used to playing with my tactics and their teammates, and it's something every manager should be aware of when they're reshaping their team.



I've modified the 4-4-2 to focus on controlling the game, as we should have better players than our opponents in the league and at the very least be able to dominate home games. There's a concern that it will leave us open to counter attacks, as we're not a very fast team even for this level of play, but hopefully setting the centerbacks as Limited Defenders will keep them from pushing too far up the field and letting the opposition get behind them via long passes.



I've also added a second 4-4-2 variant that focuses on staying back and playing a counter-attacking game for when we face off against better teams in the FA Cup and the Non-League Trophy. It won't be that effective, our team has a distinct lack of pace, but it's better than trying to hold the ball and push a high line when we're up against a League 2 side whose players can keep us from controlling possession and methodically setting up our attacks. With that, we enter our first league match and see if I was right to be worried based upon our preseason performance.

At Brackley Town, August 17, 2013
Skrill North



Take that. Brackley Town! We played well overall, and I'm very pleased with the 5 “clear cut chances” and 3 “half chance” goal opportunities we had. If we produce that many chances per game, we're going to score heaping bucketloads, and our stadium announcer will wear himself out screaming “GOL!” We were quite lucky to not concede a goal, however, and if that keeps up we're going to have to do something about the defense.

Brackley Town 0-3 Tackleford City



John Bradley came down with a hernia, our third string GK is already out with a strained neck, so I'm spending £2,000 to bring in a 37 year old as a backup.

Andy Morris
Centerback



While looking for a backup backup goalkeeper, I also decided to be proactive and bought two young centerbacks.

Colin Standing
Centerback



Standing and Morris both have the potential to play at the Championship level if they develop, according to the scouts. They're also better than what we already had out there. If they play up to their attributes, our defense should give up a lot fewer chances.

vs. North Ferriby, August 20, 2013
Skrill North



That was frustrating. We dominated the entire game and allowed just two shots on goal, but we still only came away with a draw. Nine times out of ten we win a game with those final possession and shot numbers. I told players they were unlucky and to keep their heads up, which perked the locker room up. Given that we're a young team I don't want to get too angry with them when they played pretty well.

Tackleford City 2-2 North Ferriby



Between matches my rear end Man reminds me that I haven't held a staff meeting recently. Staff meetings involve coaches informing you about any problems a player might be having, any potentially useful players they might know about, and suggesting training regimens for the players. You're free to have a staff meeting as often as you want, I prefer to do it about once a month. I don't take their training advice often unless it involves preferred player moves, but they're useful at identifying potential tutoring relationships between older and younger players.

At Harrogate, August 24, 2013
Skrill North



Okay, maybe I should have gotten angry with them. Not only did Harrogate score without getting even a single half-chance, Rosetti missed a penalty kick and we squandered 4 other chances. We've dominated the last two games and have all of 2 points to show for it. The silver lining is that we should be good enough to win the league once our luck evens out.

Harrogate 1-1 Tackleford City



The team is still not looking confident with our tactics yet, despite having our match training set to maximum, but we are at least improving. I'm hoping by November they'll be comfortable enough that I can have them spend more time on general training and start having them do opponent-specific match training.



Our 37 year old backup goalie goes down. I'm starting to wonder if the team is cursed. Currently we have 4 goalkeepers in the organization, and 3 of them are hurt. You can see the option here for giving the keeper painkilling injections (cortisone shots) which will allow them to play through the injury. When you give a player an injection their condition will max out at 92% and their fitness will drop. The original injury will also take longer to heal if they're trying to play through the injury instead of getting treatment and not playing/training. There's also have a chance of aggravating the existing injury, and this risk increases the more games they play while receiving injections.

I use the injections when I have either a lot of games in a short period of time, very important upcoming games, or when the initial injury isn't all that serious and the player will be back to full health in less than a month even if he keeps getting injections. Occasionally a player will refuse the shots, as they're concerned about hurting themselves further, in which case I usually tell them that they're a soccer player and I need them to play soccer. Depending on the player and how much they trust you they might get pissed off, but I say who cares about their inability to walk without pain when they're 50, I need them to win the next match against Dag and Red.

vs. Stalybridge, August 31, 2013
Skrill North



We still can't win a game. At least this time we were the ones to come back and equalize after we fell behind. This time we were also evenly matched, Stalybridge actually had the better chances to score. Our next fixture will be without our best players, Rosetti and Duchamps. They're both members of their national Under-21 teams and will be away playing international matches. We're up against the team atop the table right now, Guiseley. If we win, we can move up as high as second place.

Tackleford City 1-1 Stalybridge


vs. Guiseley, September 7, 2013
Skrill North



More blown leads, another draw. Guiseley was down 2-0 at the half, and we simply failed to play defense. We hit back immediately after letting them tie it up to take a 3-2 lead, and I thought we'd finally win our second game, but even after I shifted to defensive tactics in an effort to protect the lead we gave up a late equalizer in the 87th minute. I was momentarily ecstatic when Oriogun scored in the 89th minute to put us up 4-3, but it was disallowed as he was offside. We also missed another penalty shot, making us zero for two this season. That's abysmal, and is the difference between our current position on the table and first place.

Tackleford City 3-3 Guiseley



I excoriated the team afterward. I'd told them to stay focused and not get complacent after they'd played very well in the first half, they all seemed to be listening, and then they promptly went out and gave up 2 goals in 25 minutes. The players seemed suitably embarrassed and chastened by my vituperation, and I think they're as sick as I am of dominating the first half and then being outplayed in the second.



So it's a good news/bad news situation after five games. We've looked reliably dangerous on the attack, we've controlled possession almost every single time we've played, and we haven't lost a game. We've also given up several late goals and dropped a bunch of points that count just as much as the ones we earn when the promotion race heats up late in the season. The end result is that we're lying in 9th place at the moment, but we're only 4 points back from the top of the table.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 16:46 on Sep 26, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

rizzen posted:

I'm not sure about anyone else, but if you have room at the end of updates, could you throw down a shot of the table?

Ask and you shall receive!

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Sixth: Where are the superstars you promised us?
September 8, 2013-October 6, 2013

At Solihull Moors, September 10, 2013
Skrill North


We went into this game as the underdogs on Ladbrookes, and if the punters had known how badly I botched my pregame talk the odds would have been even worse. Every single member of the starting 11 were “demotivated and confused” after I had initially told the team that if they played their game they'd win, and then told the defenders and midfield that I expected to see a good performance from them. The team went from relaxed and loose to agitated and discomfited in a heartbeat, and it was entirely my fault for not paying better attention to what I was saying.



After the first 30 minutes, I was sure we were headed to our first loss of the season. We'd come out tight, playing our counter tactic for the first time due to the opponent's use of an aggressive 4-3-3 with a lone striker atop 3 attacking midfielders.




They missed an easy opportunity early, and we caught a huge break when the sideline judge disallowed a clearly onsides golazo by Solihull Moors in the 22nd minute. At that point I junked our counter-attacking style, and threw the team into attack. It paid dividends immediately, as we scored twice in the next ten minutes. Despite giving up a goal in the middle of the second half, we won 3-1, and we clearly had the better of the home team.

Solihull Moors 1-3 Tackleford City



How hard is it to play in a 4-4-2, guys? C'mon! I want to start practicing set pieces!

At Workington, September 14, 2013
Skrill North



We play another away game at Workington, where we're narrow underdogs. They're in second right now, so it would behoove us to get some sort of result out of this match as our other match against them is in our stadium. Luckily, one of their midfielders is a miserable idiot and gets a straight red before 3 minutes have elapsed in the game, leaving them with only ten players for nearly the entire game. We can't break the game open in the first half, but by the final whistle we've won a resounding 6-1 victory, capped by a double brace by Rosetti. This has been by far and away our most impressive performance of the season. First round's on me, boys!

Workington 1-6 Tackleford City



We had six players in the Team of the Week. First round's on me, boys! What do you mean you don't want to go drinking again? I don't understand this response!



Here's a situation where I will absolutely pump my employee full of corticosteroids. Johnston anchors our midfield, and he's played very well all season. The injury will only keep him out two weeks, so there's a good chance he can recover even while playing in each fixture. So Dr. Feelgood is called, and gives him a dose of the top shelf stuff.

vs. Boston United, September 21, 2013
Skrill North



Within the first six minutes of our next match we've gone down two goals. We fight our way back to a tie in the 50th minute, and take the lead in the 59th minute. Boston United doesn't let us enjoy our lead for long, less than two minutes later we're knotted at 3 each. We get several more chances, but can't force a winner. While I'm privately relieved that we recovered from a two goal deficit, I harangue the poo poo out of the team, telling them that it's absolutely unacceptable that we didn't win that match. The draw knocks us from second place back to fourth, which is still much better than we were doing at the start of this update.

Tackleford City 3-3 Boston United



Welp, he's out for two weeks. We still get a game out of him that we wouldn't have had otherwise, and he doesn't miss any additional time. A data point in favor of medicating your players!

At Goole, September 28. 2013
FA Cup 2nd Qualifying Round



We got lucky against Goole. They mollywholloped us up and down the pitch for the entirety of the first half. This from a team in a league so far down the English football pyramid that it isn't even playable in the game! We recovered in the second half, though, and now we're onto the next qualifying round of the FA Cup. The board expects us to reach at least the first proper round of the tournament, so we're going to need a couple more victories to make them happy.



I walked into the postgame meeting with a dire look on my face, but when I cracked a grin the whole team lit up. Inside I was still seething that they made me sweat. My drinks are on you guys, assholes. Especially since I'm only earning £28,600 a year.

Goole 1-3 Tackleford City



Our 37 year old keeper is no longer our 37 year old keeper. It cost us some money, but he would never get on the field now that we have a couple youth goalkeepers and if he got cranky about his lack of playing time he could poison the locker room. I couldn't have done this if I hadn't gifted us a billionaire owner when setting up the game, we'd be too cash poor. But since I did, I might as well take advantage of it. Relatedly, I love the phrase “surplus to requirements.” Such a nice way of telling someone they're useless.



The first coach gets sacked. Mark Bates was too good for you, North Ferriby! You'll see this pretty regularly, and once you have some accomplishments under your belt you'll find yourself being headhunted by larger teams who want you to bring your mojo to their team.



Finally! I highlighted this guy in one of the first updates, he's the incredibly technically proficient striker who's slower than light in a Bose-Einstein condensate. I'm hoping he gives us a good partner for Rosetti, Hester has been very good so far but he's missed some easy chances and having a squad where you have multiple options not only inures you to injuries but also fatigue over a long season.

At Oxford City, October 1, 2013
Skrill North



Oxford City is already looking like nailed on relegation bait. We handled them confidently, our victory was sealed by Robinson converting our first penalty of the season. We're in a fine run of form, the key now is to not let it go to the players heads.

Oxford City 0-2 Tackleford City

vs. Barrow, October 5, 2013
Skrill North



We missed another penalty, but by the end of the first half one of Barrow's defenders had been sent off for his second yellow card. We take the lead less than two minutes after the restart, and pick up a second goal in the 73rd minute on Oriogun's first of the season. Another two goals see us to a 4-0 victory. Barrow couldn't even manage a single shot.

Tackleford City 4-0 Barrow



Things are looking up, it's early October and we're 4-0-1 in our last five league games. The board is content with our performance despite their disappointment that we've failed to sign anything even approaching a star. I think we'll be able to make a strong push for promotion. I'm going to aim for a decent run in the FA Cup, I think we have a deep enough team to make some noise until we get matched up against a League One or better side.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 15:26 on Mar 19, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

KDavisJr posted:

With the way things are going you'll get that promotion despite the lack of high-profile signings. It doesn't matter if you can't get Beckham when you are winning the FIFA cup anyway.

Yeah. My contract is up at the end of the year, though. Hopefully I can get the philosophy changed when they want to renew me. If not, it'll leave me much more precariously positioned until we reach League One or the Championship and I can start signing old, broken down stars who are looking for one last paycheck before retirement. I'm kind of glad for it, though. I'm probably going to edit the team's finances at the end of this season, I just have way too much money and it's making the game too easy.


sebzilla posted:

I don't think I've ever once used injections on a player. I guess it's different if you're LLMing and don't have a solid backup, though.

I think the risk of additional injury is overstated, personally. And if you have a player who's significantly better than their backup then him playing at 92% is going to help more than it's going to hurt.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Seventh: Trouble in paradise.
October 6, 2013-November 21, 2013

At Bedford, October 12, 2013
FA Cup 3rd Qualifying Round



Our next FA Cup match is in mid October against minnows Bedford. We are wretched out of the gate, falling behind after only five minutes. The final line is 2-1 in our favor, but the team seems surprised and upset when I tell them that they'll need to be much better if they hope to win against better teams.

Bedford 1-2 Tackleford City



One of the players, Chris Burns, has the gall to go to the press and complain about my post-game admonitions. Upon reading his quotes in the local fish-wrapper, I summon him to my office.



gently caress off, grasshopper. You seem to believe I am merely your manager. You are wrong. I am your God, sent here to mold you in My image, and you will obey My commands. I send him down to the U18 team, which he is ineligible to play for, as it's the only way I can approximate refusing to let him practice or play. He can cool off there for a few weeks as punishment. No one flouts my authority, especially not some upjumped little poo poo who's lucky to be on a Skrill North team.

At Leamington, October 19, 2013
Skrill North


We enter halftime down one to nil, being stymied offensively for most of the first half. We get back to even with a goal on a corner just after halftime, and at the conclusion of an exciting second half, we take a 4-2 victory home with us.

Leamington 2-4 Tackleford City

At Hednesford, October 22, 2013
Skrill North



A nice and relaxing victory. We were up 3-0 before they could score.

Hednesford 1-3 Tackleford City

At Nuneaton, October 26, 2013
FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round



We play a higher division team for the first time in Nuneaton, who make their home in the league we hope to be promoted into, and we're also on their home turf. Sam Edwards shows us how useful a 19 in Long Throws is when he wins us our first two goals through tosses deep in the opposition third that our centerback Ally McLaren ably heads into the back of the net. Nuneaton is able to claw one back early in the second, and I move us to a counter-attacking posture as we've been unable to control the ball or create opportunities outside of our throw-ins. Then disaster strikes. Duchamps gets a second yellow card in the 54th minute, leaving us down a man with over half an hour left to play. They equalize fifteen minutes later, and it's all we can do to hang on for a draw. We'll have to play Nuneaton again, but next time it'll be on our turf.

Nuneaton 2-2 Tackleford City



When players get themselves ejected from the match, you can discipline them. In this case, as it was Duchamps first ejection and was for two yellow cards as opposed to a straight red, I give him a warning. If it happens again I'm fining him a weeks salary. Players will generally learn from discipline, but if you are too harsh they'll feel mistreated and if you're too lenient they'll continue to rack up yellow and red cards. They may also react badly if they have a low “professionalism” hidden stat, in which case unless they're great you might be better off ridding the team of them as there's no cure for being a jackass.



Fans are displeased at how Dave Stamp has been performing. It's not really fair, he's a central midfielder who's been playing right back due to the team's needs, but he's been downright bad the last two games and has the second lowest average rating on the team. It's time to try and do something about that.



I bring him into my office to tell him that I've noticed his poor play and that he should try to pick himself up and play better. Private chats with players are useful to buck them up when they're in a poor run of form, or to let them know that I'm pleased when they're playing well. It's not an essential part of the game, but done right it makes the players like you more and that improves your chances of getting them to perform well as they'll have more faith in you and your ability to manage the locker room.

vs. Nuneaton. October 30, 2013
FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round Replay


Oh the difference four days and home field advantage makes. We were in control of the game for the entire match, and were unlucky to come away with only a 2-1 victory. Our next cup match is in the first round proper of the FA Cup against Ebbsfleet, a Skrill South side. We should be able to beat them, at which point the luck of the draw is what will determine how far we'll go. If we get lucky and are matched up against fellow minnows, we can advance deeper and deeper into the late stages. If we get unlucky, or advance far enough, and get matched against a Premier League squad we're completely boned.

Tackleford City 2-1 Nuneaton

vs. Harrogate Railway, November 2, 2013
FA Trophy 3rd Qualifying Round



The FA Trophy is the non-League version of the League Cup. It's open to those teams outside of the top 4 divisions of English soccer, and it's the only hardware outside of winning our league that we can dream of taking home. Except that I play a team with a lot of our U21 players to give our first team a rest, and we fall to our first loss since August in a thuggish game that saw a combined 30 fouls and 9 yellow cards. The FA Trophy isn't much of a prize, but it's still silverware, and the whole point of this LP is to amass a collection of cups and trophies large enough to smelt into a throne.

Tackleford City 1-2 Harrogate Railway

vs. Ebbsfleet, November 9, 2013
FA Cup 1st Round



Another loss, and now we're out of both cup competitions. This one was especially frustrating as we had more chances than Ebbsfleet and simply couldn't convert them, and we were playing our best lineup besides. Still, the thing that really matters this year is winning promotion. We remain on pace to do that, and if we have to lose games it's best that they're in the cup competitions when we need every last point we can get in the league.

Tackleford City 1-2 Ebbsfleet

vs. Altrincham, November 12, 2013
Skrill North



We draw against the team currently in first place. Coming out with a tie against the best team in the league wouldn't seem like a bad outcome, but they scored the tying goal at the very death of the game, three minutes into stoppage time, to cost us a victory. The last few games has seen us return to our old habit of giving up late goals, and we're lucky that it's only cost us in cup matches.

Tackleford City 2-2 Altrincham

At Bradford PA, November 16, 2013
Skrill North



A solid 1-0 victory where, other than a short period in the second half, our opponents are unable to string together any attacking moves. I'm unconcerned about our only score coming from an own-goal by a Bradford player, as we should have scored several times had we any luck.
Bradford PA 0-1 Tackleford City



This is what happens when you get Americans into soccer, all they want to do is increase the amount of scoring. Also, despite all my kvetching about giving away leads, we've conceded the fewest goals in the league. That results in us having the second best goal differential amongst all teams, behind Altrincham.

vs. Vauxhall, November 20, 2013
Skrill North



Another 1-0 win, with the decisive strike coming on a brilliant 25 meter free kick by Duchamps. Even Chris Burns, the insubordinate and churlish twerp I banished to the U18 squad for two weeks at the start of this update, has his morale raised from “Abysmal” to “Fairly Poor” by the end of this game.

Tackleford City 1-0 Vauxhall



We've moved into second place, tied in points but ahead on goal differential with Stalybridge. Altrincham is five points ahead of us, but we have a game in hand, so a win would see us to merely two points from the league lead and an automatic promotion spot. It's November 21, 2013, and we're the only undefeated team left in the Skrill North. I'm taking bets on when we'll finally lose a league game, and I want to set the over/under after New Years.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Mar 19, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

rizzen posted:

Nice. 5 points off the top with a game to play and pretty safely in for promotion playoffs if nothing else. Still undefeated in the league as well. lovely deal about the cups, though. I've always found it pretty fun to see just how far I can take my lovely Fucknowhere FC into the national cups while they're still down in the gutters of the pyramid.

Yeah, I agree. The silver lining is that now we have a lot fewer matches to play, which should help keep our very young team from getting too worn out as the season proceeds- having to play a lot of cup games where you have to field your best players every single time to have a chance at winning will get your staff jaded pretty quick.

TheMcD posted:

Going under on that one. It's got to happen eventually, and if my forays into the genre tell me anything, it's that the game loves to throw a "gently caress you" game in there sooner than later.

That's what the Harrogate Railway game was. And the Altrincham game. I think in some ways it's even worse than games like FIFA or Madden where you at least actively control the players and can try to make something happen- you're stuck on the sidelines watching your players gently caress up. Of course, then there are games you have no business winning where you come back for an epic victory- I had one in the second match of the Europa League semifinals where we came back from down 3-1 on aggregate to win in the final 20 minutes, and my reaction was exactly like that of Club America's coach:


quote:

Man, gently caress Chris Burns. Fire his dumb rear end.

As for Burns, I'm disappointed that they removed the option to react aggressively to them. In past versions I would have been yelling so loud that the rest of the team could hear me from all the way out on the training pitch. He's still unhappy, but our defense has been the most disappointing part of the team and he's played well enough to deserve a second chance.

Next update will run to the start of the transfer window on January 1st, and then I'll give an update on the team's performance so far and ask y'all what you think we need. Also, if there's anything I can do to make the LP easier to read/digest, or anything you want to see, let me know. This is still a work in progress, and is my first LP, so I'm still adding bits and pieces (like listing who we're playing before each match).

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 14:43 on Nov 22, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Eighth: Slip and slide.
November 21, 2013-December 31, 2013



Our field is in bad shape, a result of playing in an unrenovated century old stadium. This makes it harder for players to find their footing, affecting their ability to play certain ways, and increases the chance of injury.



The board agrees to relay the field, but they won't be doing so until next June. We'll be forced to muddle through the Tackleford Marsh until then.

At Stockport, November 23, 2013
Skrill North


Anth Hotte gets clattered in the 19th minute and has to come out. We don't have anyone who can play left back on the bench, so someone is going to have to be out of position for the majority of the game. Callum Woods has a rating of “unconvincing” there, which is still better than any other substitute. I had forgotten how irritating having only 5 bench spots was, once we get to League Two we'll have 7 and we won't have to worry about injuries forcing us to play people out of position. Ally McLaren continues his run of goalscoring with his third of the season on a corner in the 26th minute, but at halftime things are level. Only 30 seconds into the second half, though, Andrew Carr earns his second yellow card and sent off. Giving up hope at winning the game, I park the bus and we escape with a draw. We remain in second place, but are now 4 back of Altrincham.

Stockport 1-1 Tackleford City



One of our Under-21 players asks to speak with me, specifically about letting him out on loan to another club. Our training facilities and especially coaches are light-years ahead of whatever team would take him, so I refuse. He whinges. Tough poo poo, kid.



Players will want to slack off on their training if they have certain stats that indicate laziness or if you've simply scheduled a fuckton of training to do. When that happens it's good to check if they're just being a git and either adjust the amount of training they're doing or tell them personally to step it up.

vs. AFC Telford, November 30, 2013
Skrill North



Colin Standing has a Jekyll and Hyde start to the match, scoring on another perfect throw-in by Edwards in the 4th minute but also picking up his fifth yellow card of the season ten minutes later. Earning five yellow cards before January means that he'll be suspended for the next game. Edwards later closes the scoring with a goal of his own off a corner in the second half, and all four of our goals come from defensive minded players. It's the first game all year where the entire team has played well, rather than having some players give sub-par performances while their teammates carry the side to victory. No one finishes with a rating below 7, and Sam Edwards wins Player of the Match with a 9.1 rating.

Tackleford City 4-0 AFC Telford



Edwards has been nothing short of excellent this year. He's been everything you could want offensively in a fullback, while not making too many mistakes on defense. His throw-ins have been remarkable. I've never scored goals from them as often as I am this season, a fact I attribute both to Edward's world-class talent in that area and the fact that defenders in this league couldn't mark even if you taped them to their man.



Despite having an undefeated team, I've never won the Coach of the Month award. I've only been near the top of the ballot once, coming in 3rd for October. It's because I'm American, isn't it? You Brits just can't stand that not only did we surpass you to become the most important country in the world, but we're going to become better at soccer, huh?



The Ballon d'Or award shortlist is announced. This is what Lionel Messi Joaquin Morales looks like in our world.



Here's next years modifications to the tax brackets in England! Didn't I tell you this was the best spreadsheet simulator ever? I love this game.



I wonder how far down the pitch quality can go? “Horrible?” “Abominable?” “Peat Bog?”

vs. Gainsborough, December 3, 2012
Skrill North



Alex Hester bags a brace, and Rosetti finally finds the net again after going 480 minutes since his last goal. Rosetti adds two assists to his total, and it looks like he's finally snapped out of his bad run of form.

Tackleford City 3-1 Gainsborough



It's always nice to set records.



Christiano Ronaldo has become Ricardo Lobo. I am going to send his agents an email with this screenshot telling them that he should change his name in real life. He'd go from primadonna to EL LOBO in an instant!



The World Cup draw for 2014 occurs, and both England and the USA have chances to get to the knockout stage. England has the easier group, playing against Italy, Peru, and Costa Rica, while the USA faces Uruguay, Russia, and Ghana. America will obviously be knocked out by Ghana for the third straight World Cup, while England will advance to the quarterfinals where they will lose on penalty kicks. There actually doesn't seem to be a group of death, though anyone could come out of Group G, which contains Mexico, Holland, Egypt, and Bosnia. If the USA gets that group in the real draw happening in two weeks I'll be pretty happy, it's not the nightmare Brazil, USA, France, Italy draw that this simulation website gave me.




I sent my best scout to watch Neil Smith for 3 matches last month, so I could get the most complete scout report possible. Smith is transfer listed at Bradford, and he can be had for a bargain price of zero pounds, so I pick him up. He's a good defensive midfielder and will rotate with Johnston, who has proven that he's both injury prone and doesn't have enough stamina to play multiple games a week. He arrives immediately, as we're not bound by the transfer windows that the upper divisions are.



Worcester is still in the FA Trophy hunt, so a game that was originally scheduled between us for December 10th has now been moved twice. When we play Gloucester on the 21st, it will have been close to three weeks since our last match. To keep match fitness up, I have the first team play the reserves.



This turns out to have been an unwise decision, as Hester is now out until mid-April and had been a vital part of our offense.



Just let me play another game, damnit!



Great. We now have 3 games in a single week, after going over three weeks without a single game. This is some serious bullshit, schedulers. You wouldn't do this to Sir Alex Ferguson. Well, you would, but he'd call it bullroar too, and he had a much bigger microphone than the phone number of one dude at the Non-League Paper.
vs. Colwyn Bay, December 26, 2013
Skrill North



Happy Boxing Day everyone! Say hello to that old humbug Ebenezer Scrooge. Tackleford City FC gives its fans the gift of a solid victory. Bobby Oriogun fills in capably for the injured Hester, collecting a brace of goals, while the victory is marred only by a penalty given to Colwyn Bay after we were already up 2-0.

Tackleford City 3-1 Colwyn Bay

vs. Brackley Town, December 28, 2013
Skrill North



This match is a tough ask for us. I don't want to use many of our first team players because of fatigue after the last game, but at the same time I'm concerned that it leaves us with a very weakened squad. As such, I modify our tactics so that we don't push quite as high up the field and play slightly more defensively. The changes work like a charm, and we win 3-0 for the second time against Brackley. Neil Smith seals the game in the second half with a goal in his debut, and half of the opposition's shots came from long range, indicating that we were able to prevent them from getting good looks inside our penalty area.

Tackleford City 3-0 Brackley



Well, so much for worrying about playing 3 games in 6 days. It's New Years Eve, and we're going to party like it's almost 2014!



I worried about the effects of a long layoff in the middle of December, but I clearly shouldn't have been. The team played just as well at the end of the month as they had been before the impromptu break. We're still 8 points back of Altrincham, who've been even hotter than us, but we have played two fewer games so if we win out we'll only be 2 points off their lead. We still have a game against them in mid-March, which could be Lower League Gotterdammerung if we're still neck and neck at the top of the table.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 17:36 on Mar 19, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
I'm actually hoping we get grouped with Ghana again, we've developed a neat little rivalry with them. And our team now is better than '06 and '10.

My internet has gone out, so unless I get crafty and transfer the screen shots and text to my phone, no update this weekend.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Interlude: Midwinter Night's Dream.

Everything's going as well as could be hoped. We're undefeated through our first half year, and solidly in contention for promotion. We've only had one major injury so far, and the team seems to have gelled into a cohesive unit. That doesn't mean we can rest on our laurels, though. It's all about constant improvement if we want to become the very best, and if we want to gain promotion into the Football League next season.



These are the contracts that end in six months. Teams from other nations can sign players on a pre-contract six months prior to the end of the contract, so for example an Irish team could sign any of these guys to a pre-contract starting January 1st. Teams from England can only sign players from other English teams one month before their contract runs out, meaning we don't have to worry about anyone in our league or above it coming after our talent. We need to decide who we're going to offer a new contract to and who we're going to let go. We've also got coaches whose contracts will be up.



Here's the team, ranked by the players average rating. Rosetti is naturally our best attacker, but Hester is right up there with him, which means we're missing our best striker tandem for most of the rest of the season. Oriogun has been OK, but Robinson has been downright disappointing. Our best midfielders have been our captain McCarron and Billy Holsgrove, both of whom usually play outside positions. Duchamps and Johnston are our advance playmaker/ball winning midfielder tandem, and they've acquitted themselves well. Duchamps is completing nearly 90% of his passes, which is exactly what we need him to do. Ally McLaren is our best rated defender thus far, largely because he's got a great nose for goal. Stamp, Robinson, and Standing have all been disappointing thus far.



You can see why our defenders have lower ratings than our attackers and midfielders in this heat-map of our match against Colwyn Bay. It's in part because we play a high line where the defense is playing relatively close to midfield. Also, in looking at this I just realized I had my defensive minded midfielder dropping back into the same area my covering defender comes up towards (#6 and #4). The covering defender should be behind the offensive midfielder so that the players don't get too bunched together on the pitch. Whoops.



The result of playing higher up the pitch with a possession game is constant pressure upon our opponents that leads to a lot of shots, but leaves us susceptible to an opposing player getting behind our defense and catch us out of position on counter-attacks. We're essentially playing Lower League Tiki-Taka.



Our U21 and U18 players. Many of them have and will play for the First Team at some point this year but the stats shown are their performances in the U21 and U18 leagues. Silver stars indicate their rating for the youth team, and are obviously worse than gold stars because Football Manager opposes bimetallism.



This is an abbreviated depth chart for the team. As you can see, there are some positions (Striker, Center Midfield, Centerback) that we run three or more deep, and others where we... don't. This doesn't include our youth players, we've got two other keepers on the U18 squad for example, but it does show where we might need improvements.



Our players are almost all improving, some by leaps and bounds. Derek McLaughlin has gone from being roughly as good a keeper as John Bradley to significantly better. The only two players who've declined are Hotte and Johnston. Both are over 30 and have had injuries that have kept them out over a month so far this season.



Johnston is on the downslope of his career, but still playing pretty well. His contract is up at the end of the year, I'm uncertain whether to renew it or not.



Rosetti isn't improving as much because he's well above the level of play in the Skrill North. Without harder challenges, he'll stagnate and have more trouble reaching his potential.



It doesn't matter what they throw at us, the 4-4-2 can handle all of them.



Our early season tendency to dominate the first half and get dominated the second half has gone away, and now we're the ones most likely to score late in a game. Our assists are coming largely from the wings, while our right backs give up nearly as many assists as the rest of the team combined.



We're remarkably good at scoring on headers, which accounts for our success on throw-ins and set pieces.



These assists don't even count goals from throw-ins, of which we've had 6-8. We're making it count on set pieces, despite set piece tactics not being anything special. Still, they've been working in a league where a good defender has a marking score of 10.



The board remains content, despite being irritated at our loss in the FA Trophy. They're especially happy about the low wage bill, which is kind of funny given how much cash they've given us to play with.



The fans are very happy with some of our signings, especially considering how little we paid for most of them. Holsgrove especially has been excellent, playing on either wing with aplomb.



They can't all be winners. Stamp still rates out as someone who has the potential to succeed at a much higher level, but I've been playing him at his secondary position of right back most often rather than as a defensive midfielder, and it's showing.



We've been playing well, and the fans are happy with several of the players. Edwards is naturally a fan favorite, and despite already being 30 years old his performances seem to be improving.



The disparity isn't quite as large as it looks, Rosetti alone is earning over £1m a year. But we are seriously outspending our opponents by a three to one margin just with the players I've brought in. This will change by the time we reach League 1, and will change a lot if we can't resign Rosetti next year and have to transfer him/risk him leaving on a free.



Here's how our stats match up against the other teams in the Skrill South. I apologize for the bad cropping/cut and pasting. I'm very, very new at this. These are attributes that matter to all players regardless of position. I'm pleased with the high work rate and teamwork numbers, it means our players don't slack off during games and are good at playing a team game rather than trying to make things happen on their own.



We're in such good shape here because of McLaughlin's development. We weren't nearly this high to start the season. Handling is the biggest problem, it's one of the most important GK abilities and is something that really needs improvement. I'm changing McLaughlin's training to entirely focus on that skill.



Our defense is physically adept, but not necessarily the best in the league. They're pretty quick for the league, though, which helps them recover when our opponents break through our high line.



Our midfield, by comparison, is much better than our opposition. Even when we're not #1, we're off by less than a single attribute point.



As I've mentioned earlier, our attackers are very technically adept, but are also lead-footed. It's one reason why I chose to play a possession based game, we're simply not fast enough to play strong direct football. Our strikers can break down a defense, but they won't win a whole lot of foot races.



All those postponed games are coming to bite us in the rear end. We've got 6 fixtures scheduled over the course of 11 days. loving Yorkshire weather is the bane of my existence.

We've got plenty of money to play with, £120k in wages a week and a transfer budget of nearly £3m. What do the denizens of the TackLyfeFooty.co.uk Forum think the team should be doing? Who should we be re-signing? Who should we be bidding adieu to? And what, if anything, should the team look to add? Also, we need at least one team song. I have no idea what it should be, but it should sound good when chanted by 10,000 drunken supporters for a half hour on end. I'll start playing again Sunday night, or earlier if I don't get any response.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
You were at the Costa Rica snow game? awesome!

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

SnafuAl posted:

Pretty sure that should be Leamington.

You are correct! I was also misspelling Stalybridge. I'm just glad that these days I know how to pronounce Wigan. I always used to call it Why-gan.


Necroneocon posted:

Can you post pictures of your set pieces for headers, and throw-ins and etc?


Or just post all your set pieces, maybe a little explanation on them too (how to create and focus on them?)

It won't let me take screenshots of them, for some reason, but I'll see what I can do for the next update.

Amhazair posted:

You're lucky enough to have the money to not care, but when I played lower leagues I used to prioritise the cup games. A single "lucky" draw away against a Premier League side, or one of the bigger Championship ones could bring in more money than you otherwise earned in an entire year.

Yeah, if we were playing true LLM I'd be focusing on playing friendlies for cash and getting to play a Cup game at Etihad or Old Trafford. Or even Elland Road. And man, I hear you about that defender. I'd have stuck with him for unreasonably long as well.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Ninth: All day err' day.
December 31, 2013-January 18, 2014

I am a big fan of I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles), I think that makes great sense as the fan's song. It's also better than using my favorite song to sing at karaoke, Wannabe by the Spice Girls. We're going to need that type of stamina, too, as we're about to embark on fixture congestion hell. From January 4th through January 18th we have 7 games. I'm going to need to call up players from the youth squad and to temporarily suspend training in order to keep the team fit through the ordeal. I'm also going to be looking for another fullback and a replacement striker for the injured Alex Hester.



To start, I order the scouts to bring back fresh reports on guys they've already found in the past. That's primarily so that I'm not relying upon one scout report when bringing in a new player, and also to make sure that older scout reports are updated and the player is compared against my current squad rather than the empty roster we had for most of the first month. My scouts can process 19 reports a day, so this will take until the next week.



The board gives us more money, which we don't need. At least it makes them happy that I have the wage budget so much smaller than they've permitted.

I was asked about our set-pieces, and was all prepared to make an awful MSPaint version of them since the game doesn't take screen shots when you're in the set-piece design wizard. Then I realized that I could just take screen shots the old fashioned way via prtscrn, and was somewhat disappointed I didn't get to show off my lack of artistic talent.



These are the tactics for corner kicks. Duchamps and Holgrove are our usual takers. I've ordered them to try and deliver the ball to the “Near Post” as none of my players are particularly good at corners and I don't want them trying long corners to the far post when they don't have the skill to do so accurately. When Holgrove takes the corner it means we only have two back to protect against a long ball, and when Duchamps is the taker then we're down one more on attack. Ideally you want to leave at least 3 players with orders to either “stay back” or “stay back if necessary.” This will prevent the other team from being able to launch easy counter attacks against you. I generally use my fullbacks for this job, they tend to have good defensive attributes while being fast enough to keep up with opposing attackers. In this case, though, one of our main fullbacks is a very good header, so he's up to attack.

My central defenders tend to be great big stropping lads who can also jump and head the ball, so I much prefer them to be on the attack- which is how a centerback like McLaren is tied for 3rd in goals scored for the team. I have one attacking each post, which hopefully makes them harder to mark. The right fullback's instruction is to sit by the near post and try to head the ball over to the centerback crashing in on the far post or the striker attacking the ball from deep. The second striker directly challenges the keeper for the ball, you need someone with very good heading and jumping stats for this job. One midfielder goes forward to attack, while the other lurks outside the area for rebounds to either shoot or set up another attack on goal. It's worked far better than it has any right to, which I can only guess is because the defenses at this level can't handle so many moving pieces and someone is likely to get open. I generally do well on corners, but not 7 goals in 20 games well.



Our defense against corners is bog standard. I made pretty minimal changes to the default. Our fullbacks stand on the posts to protect any opponent from sneaking close, our centerbacks mark the tallest opponents, our midfielders try to assist by clogging the box, while one of our strikers waits on the edge of the area to clear anything that bounces to them or, better yet, get the ball up to our other striker who stays forward to start a counter attack.



We haven't done as well off free kicks, in part because I'm not as good at designing a decent free kick set piece and in part because players at this level don't have the technical skills to be a threat from them. They're set for long, which means our takers will try for the goal in most cases when the ball is in the opponent's half, and again the central defenders are brought up to attack. I don't have anyone set to disrupt the opposition wall, which I probably should change now that I look at it again.



A small wall and a whole lot of man marking. We've only given up one goal with this tactic, and that was on an indirect free kick, so it's been working so far. We may have to change this up as the opposition improves.



My orders for Left and Right throw-ins are mirror images of each other. One central midfielder and a fullback give the thrower short options in case everyone is well marked. A striker stands by the near post while the other striker and winger go forward and attack. The other winger aims to pick up any short clearances by the defense to restart the attack, while the defensive minded central midfielder and the centerbacks stay back in case the throw gets picked off.

Lastly, the game doesn't always rigidly adhere to these designs. If you have a throw-in parallel to your opponent's penalty box, your centerbacks may come up to join the attack. Similarly, if the free-kick is from the middle of the field you won't see the taker trying to score from 50 meters out even if you have it set for long. And late in games if your tactics are set aggressively enough you can find your keeper joining the attack on corner kicks. Don't worry about having to micromanage this aspect of the game, save that for haggling your new signing down to the bottom dollar he's willing to join you for.



Whenever someone comes down with the flu I send them home. I'm not risking my entire team barfing on the sidelines just to shave a couple days off of the recovery time.




Karim Amrani comes in on a free transfer to increase our depth at offensive midfielder. He's got a decent shot at being with us for a few years if he can reach his full talent. Amrani is also the first player we've signed who hails from outside of the UK or Ireland, the Moroccan previously played for Nottingham Forest's reserve side.

vs. Harrogate, January 4, 2014
Skrill North



Harrogate is lying in 16th place, so this seems like it should be a good start to our new year. Naturally that means it isn't, as an own goal by Anth Hotte keeps us level at the break and we allow what turns out to be the winning goal in the 66th minute. It's our first loss of the year, and the team was uninspiring for almost the entire game. That does not bode well for the coming gauntlet.

Tackleford City 1-2 Harrogate




Callum Williams doubles the number of Callums we have on payroll, and will play as a target man alongside Oriogun, Robinson, and Rosetti. He comes in for free from Bournemouth, and passed up offers from League Two side Rochdale and Skrill Premier team Gateshead to join us. This still leaves us needing to improve the fullback position, we lost our last game largely because of mistakes that Edwards, Hotte, and Stamp made.




At the press conference/exclusive interview with the Non-League player introducing Williams I'm asked to comment about Bournemouth using a Director of Football. The only reason I hire Directors of Football is so that they can sell off youth and backup players I can't be bothered to make deals for on my own. Otherwise they end up signing players I don't need and selling players I was grooming for the future. This will make it harder to buy any players from Bournemouth, but it's more fun to talk poo poo about a team that's better than you by an order of magnitude.

At North Ferriby, January 8, 2014
Skrill North



We lose again to another bottom of the table team. This is getting worrisome, bad results can have a cumulative effect, and we don't have time right now to get out of our current funk merely by waiting it out. Like the Harrogate game, we took an early lead only to see our opponents score just before the half and then beat us late in the game. Some of the players, Rosetti in particular, looked desultory and disinterested on the field. We're still in second place, but have fallen a crazy 14 points behind Altrincham and Stalybridge is hot on our heels for second place. Oh, and we play Stalybridge on their home turf in 4 days.

North Ferriby 2-1 Tackleford City




Well this is meta. John Allison is the man who created Tackleford in the first place. I'm going to take this to mean that he believes I should absolutely be using his fictional town as the home for my fictional football team. What else could it be, a very common first name and moderately common surname being combined by a random generator in a video game? I think the former is much more likely. I couldn't resist signing him, especially as he gives us depth at fullback and could be good enough to play several levels higher. He's out with a foot injury at the moment so it'll be a bit before he can take the pitch for us, but given that Anth Hotte is rapidly playing himself out of a job this is a welcome signing.



Hypocritical? I run my team with an iron fist, you slacker!

vs. Gloucester, January 10, 2014
Skrill North



That's more like it! We take a 2-0 lead into the half after Callum William's scores his first goal for the team. Oriogun adds a brace, and our youth side striker Gary Hemingray adds another. Gloucester snatches at their chances, and can only muster a stoppage time goal to make it 4-1. The result leaves us 4 points up on Stalybridge, so regardless of the result in two day's time we will remain in second place.

Tackleford City 4-1 Gloucester




Michael Jones is the last of the reinforcements I'll be bringing in for a while. He's another fullback, as by now I don't have faith in the incumbents Stamp and Hotte. I'll be prowling for youth players like a man with a van and a trenchcoat by a playground come March, which is when the game creates newly generated 15-16 year olds for each team in England and Scotland. We'll be able to sweep in and sign some of them away from their parent team through pre-contracts. This costs money, we have to pay the original team compensation, but it can also result in getting very good, young players. As you can tell, I've decided to take the owner's edict to sign high reputation players as more of an advisement.

At Stalybridge, January 12, 2014
Skrill North



Stalybridge controls the entire match, but our defense is stout and allows only one goal on three half-chances. Rosetti and Robinson combine to score on a counter attack to give us the result. I'm happy with the result, and it's nice to see the team play well defensively. The only dark spot is at fullback, where Michael Jones didn't get off on the right foot in his first game in earning a poor 5.7 rating.

Stalybridge 1-1 Tackleford City

vs. Solihull Moors, January 14, 2014
Skrill North



We come out of this game with a point by the skin of our teeth. After falling behind by two within the first 20 minutes it took until 20 minutes remained in regulation to claw one back. Oriogun finally pulled us level just four minutes from stoppage time. We've now gained all of five points from our first five matches of the year. The team's hit a bad stretch of form right when we had a packed schedule, exactly what I had been worried about.

Tackleford City 2-2 Solihull Moors

At Worcester, January 16, 2014
Skrill North



Worcester will be kicking themselves after letting us take a 2-1 victory home, they had several opportunities to score and failed to convert a one of them. Their lone goal was a result of McLaughlin putting the ball into his own net. We've only got one more game to play before we don't have to play a match every other day!

Worcester 1-2 Tackleford City



Oh come on.



We're firmly entrenched in the promotion playoffs, a full 15 points up on 6th place Barrow. We've fallen off the pace of Altrincham, who have won a bonkers 16 of their last 18 matches, and who haven't lost in that stretch. We don't stand a chance of catching them unless they stumble, as we're already 9 points back of them and they have a game in hand.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 17:52 on Mar 19, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Necroneocon posted:

Thank you for those posts on set pieces. I love you.

Happy to oblige. I don't know that my set piece tactics are all that great, all I know is that they currently work.


Zeroisanumber posted:

So are you just getting bad rolls on the RNG? Or are your guys suddenly in a funk for other reasons?

The way morale works in the game is that if you win too often your players will get overconfident and cocky and perform worse, and if you lose too often your players will get disheartened and morose and perform worse. Keeping the team's spirit up is one of the things you have control on as manager, but even if you do everything right it won't always work. Beyond that, players have hot streaks and slumps, which can't really be predicted. There's multiple hidden attributes and one of those is "Consistency," players with high Consistency won't go on torrid hot streaks, but they also won't go into a month-long slump where they play far below their ability. All of those hidden stats that make up their personality, as well as their determination stat, helps the game figure out how they react to adversity. If a player is described as "Resolute" they're very good at dealing with adversity, if they're instead described as "Low Self Belief" they won't play to their full ability.

And then from time to time poo poo happens. In a sport where you rarely see more than 4 goals scored the chance for fluke outcomes due to weird goals is greater. Sunderland has been horrible this season with a record of 2 wins, 1 draw, and 9 losses. They're probably going to get relegated to the Championship. But a couple weeks ago they beat Manchester City, one of the best teams in the world.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Tenth: The ides of March.
January 18, 2014-March 15, 2014

Our schedule is fairly accommodating from now until the end of the regular season. We've got one more weekend where we play two games in three days, but other than that we should be able to keep our players fit and rested.

At Boston Utd, January 25, 2014
Skrill North



We're a different team after a week of rest and recouperation. We're finally able to play our first team together rather than rotating many of them out of the starting 11, and the result is a resounding drubbing of Boston United. We could easily have scored 5 or 6 goals given the way we played in this match.

Boston Utd 0-2 Tackleford City

At Guiseley, January 28, 2014
Skrill North



Another away victory where we played well offensively, but we were lucky that Guiseley didn't make more of their many chances. It's only sheer luck that we kept a clean sheet. Still, it's hard to complain when several of the team's best players have been rotated out to keep them fresh and we still win 3-0.

Guiseley 0-3 Tackleford City

vs. Workington, February 1, 2014
Skrill North



We control the game through the first half, giving up a single shot on goal while creating numerous chances. We're wasteful, however, and only up by one when Duchamps gets sent off for the second time this season in the 82nd minute. The dismissal comes after I had expressly told him to make sure he didn't get carded again at halftime. I switch to a defensive posture, but Workington still ties up the match in the 90th minute, and we slump to a draw.

Tackleford City 2-2 Workington



I give the team the old hairdryer treatment after the game, and I fine Duchamps. It is unacceptable that he has now earned two red cards, especially after I individually warned him to watch his step after his booking in the first half. The Football Association suspends him for a second game, as well.



He has the unmitigated gall to be shocked that I'd fine him for letting the team down. Teenagers. Bah.



Altrincham hit a rough patch, and we find ourselves only six points back. I wonder what could have happened to them?



Ouch. That would explain things. Only a couple of the injured players will be back soon, and they have three games to play in the next two weeks. We need to capitalize on their injuries if we're to win the league.

At Barrow, February 15, 2014
Skrill North



This is our first game in two weeks. I was tempted to play a friendly between the Workington fixture and this one to keep the team in full match condition, but didn't want to risk injuries. Barrow play us evenly in the first half, and can't keep it up in the second as their wheels come off. Starting with an own goal just 4 minutes into the second half, all the way through the point where Oriogun makes it 4-1 in the 70th minute we play excellent football and come away with a well deserved win.

Barrow 0-4 Tackleford City



Jim McCarron's vesting option triggers. He probably won't play much next year, especially if we get promoted, but he's been a good influence both on the field and in the clubhouse and he's inexpensive, so this works out for us. It does remind me that Anth Hotte has a similar clause in his contract, which means you won't be seeing much of him because not only do we now have better options but I don't want to trigger the additional year.

vs. Oxford City, February 19, 2014
Skrill North



We fall behind 1-0 early, and cannot unlock the Oxford defense all game. It looks like we'll go without scoring for the first time all season until the 88th minute, when a rebound drops directly in front of Stefan Robinson not 5 feet from the net. A draw is better than a loss, but we miss another opportunity to make up ground on Altrincham.

Tackleford City 1-1 Oxford City

vs. Leamington, February 22, 2014
Skrill North



Leamington is in dead last place, with only 19 points after 31 games. They'd need to nearly double their points just to get out of the relegation zone. This is a good thing, as their name still looks like Learnington to me, and I'd rather never have to deal with them again. We don't let the boot off their neck, jumping out to a 2-0 lead after 20 minutes that we never relinquish.

Tackleford City 2-1 Leamington

vs. Hednesford, March 1, 2014
Skrill North



Hednesford is in 17th place, but their head coach won the manager of the month award for February and they've played much better since the turn of the new year, digging themselves out of the bottom ranks over the last 10 games. Their defense is sharp in the first half, only allowing us three shots. Unfortunately for them, two of those shots go in. We once again can't manage a clean sheet and hang on after a poor second half for the win.

Tackleford City 2-1 Hednesford

At Vauxhall Motors, March 8, 2014
Skrill North



Another 2-1 win. Nothing especially interesting about it, except it does move us within 3 points of Altrincham as they fall 3-2 to Barrow.

Vauxhall 1-2 Tackleford City



Our next match is at Altrincham, and will determine whether we have a chance to unseat them from the top of the table, and avoid the dangers of a playoff against the 3rd-5th position teams. This is as important a game as we'll play all year.



One of our former players is talking poo poo about Williams, who has been good but not great since coming in to cover for the injured Hester two months ago, and is currently suffering a goal drought.



I have a chat with him to ease his mind.




I also have a team meeting to let them know how happy I've been with their performance, to try and improve their morale going into the next game. It appears to work like a charm, but the proof will be in our performance.

At Altrincham, March 15, 2014
Skrill North



We ain't yeller. From the whistle we're going straight at our title rivals. Altrincham responds by playing a brutal, physical game. Before the end of the first half both Rosetti and Duchamps have been injured by harsh challenges and Altrincham has racked up three yellow cards. We let them score in the final minute of the first half, and from there it's all uphill for us.

During the halftime talk I tell the players to have some pride and that they're letting themselves down, and we come out blazing on the attack after the half. We equalize in the 49th minute on a header by Andy Morris, and take the lead on Karim Amrani's first ever goal for the team just 10 minutes later. I order a more defensive posture, knowing that Altrincham needs to come at us if they are to have any hope of staying in first place. Even so, their attack succeeds in the 83rd minute, with the just barely onsides Altrincham striker beats Morris and ties the game at two-all. We've pissed away another late lead, and we remain three points back of first place, no longer in control of our own destiny.

Altrincham 2-2 Tackleford City



It's not like we're in bad shape. We've qualified for the playoffs regardless of what comes next, and three points back with seven to play is hardly insurmountable. Even if we do fail to win the league title we've got a very strong chance at promotion via the playoff. But all of those leads that we've squandered are looming pretty large right now.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 18:14 on Mar 19, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
50/50 chance of no updates until next week, I'm visiting my folks for Thanksgiving.

But to get an idea of why I love young players so much, I give you 16 year old Scotsman Stuart Mair, found by my scouts at tiny little East Kilbride:






Cost us almost nothing, too.



Once we give him some steroids and teach him that he's not just supposed to stand around when he doesn't have the ball, he's going to be pretty great.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

whowhatwhere posted:

How easily can you overcome a one in a physical stat?

Honestly? It depends on the player. He's got a lot of room to grow. 2.5 star player for our team, which is roughly a good Skrill Premier team by talent so I'm guessing a ~80 CA (Current Ability) score, and more than one scout/coach says he could be a Premier League player, so probably ~140 PA (Potential Ability) score. So we'll find out. I'll be taking screenshots in the future so we can compare how he develops. I do have him focusing on Strength, and his determination/personality indicates I can train the poo poo out of him without him getting unhappy or jaded.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Nov 27, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Guys! It's been one week and his strength has DOUBLED!

...

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
That's why I never give minimum release clauses for anything less than a very large amount of money. I've been badly burned by them before. Had a great striker once from Argentina that was somehow undiscovered when I signed him for less than a million quid. After a year where he singlehandedly keeps me afloat in my first Premier League season Ajax comes along and buys him. loving Dutch.

ETA: Also, congrats on three straight promotions!

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 16:33 on Nov 28, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Eleventh: Diamonds in the rough.
March 8, 2014-March 22, 2014

A couple days before our big match against Altrincham our youth academy brought in recruits. For the sake of narrative cohesion I decided to put off talking about it since it really deserves it's own chapter as it's such a big part of being a Lower League Manager, and because the Altrincham match was a big one for our team.



To my surprise, three of the youth players look like they could end up playing for us at some point. This is rather shocking, as we have “Fairly Basic Youth Recruitment”- which is one step above the lowest level of “Basic Youth Recruitment.”

Marc Pearson, Goalkeeper





Youth Recruitment determines how widespread your recruiting is, teams like ours are able to bring in local kids that aren't picked up by more prestigious clubs while Barcelona and Real Madrid are signing grade schoolers from Japan. The ingame depiction of this is that Barca brings in potential worldbeaters from across the globe each year while we get the kids who fancy themselves something special in local pick-up games.

Dougie Rutter, Attacking Midfielder





Your scouts will describe players as having the ability to be a "leading" player at a certain level of competition. If you're wondering how that will translate to a higher level of play, you can more or less accept that a player described as a "leading" player will still be a "decent" player two leagues higher. So as applied to Dougie it means that the Assistant Manager believes he could become a decent Premier League attacking midfielder.

Kris Clough, Striker





I've never had this good a group of kids this early on in prior games, I don't think any of them will still be with us when we're at the top, but they could help us get there. Of course, that depends on how much they can improve, and how long we spend in the lower leagues. If they don't evolve as players and we get multiple back to back promotions they might never play a single first team game. In which case, ignore what I've said about these guys. They're just kids with bright grins and weird hair who'll only disappoint you and leave you as a single mother living on the dole. Our own recruits aren't my main concern at the moment, though. I'm after something more...

SHOW ME THE DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH!

Every other team in England also brought in new youth players, and Scottish, Welsh, and Northern Irish teams did the same five days earlier. Ireland has it's own intake day in September. This period in early March is one of my favorite parts of being a lower league manager. Because we've had our scouts looking for new talent all over England our scouts have already compiled information on several of the youth side players, but I also order them to fan out to scout as many players as they can to find potential stars.

You should look at players brought in by lower division teams, no one who has a youth contract from a major team is going to be interested in joining some lower division team even for better pay and an immediate spot on the first team. And be warned that you've got to sift through a lot of dross to find worthy signings. But this can very much be worth it, you can find players who are able to develop as players while you through the ranks of professional soccer, until the 15 year old you signed from West Bumfuck Dairy FC is now a 26 year old star striker on your Champion's League team. Or, they get really good and you have to sell them because you're still just a mid-table Premier League team and Barcelona wants them.

Our first signing is a kid from East Kilbride in Scotland, a team so far down the football pyramid they aren't even listed as being in a league.

Stuart Mair, Defensive Midfielder
£5,750 from East Kilbride





The reason I don't immediately put Mair into the starting 11 is because he's a natural Defensive Midfielder, and not adept at playing in the central midfield. But we can, and will, train him for a central midfield role. If we ever switch to a 4-5-1 he'll also be a good fit for a defensive-minded deep lying playmaker. He's got a couple glaring attribute weaknesses at the moment, the first being that you can knock him over with a feather. Strength is important in making sure you can muscle other players off the ball/not get muscled off the ball, and in being able to fight for position. I set him to strength training immediately. He's also very bad at offensive movement when he doesn't have the ball, which means he won't be capable of helping us set up attacks. He's the clear best of the players that we add.

Anton Brady, Right Fullback
£10,000 from Woking





Usually the most I can afford is one or two of these guys for the first couple years, but we've got money, so I make offers to guys who in other games would bust my budget. I don't expect to get all or even most of them.

Nathan Adcock, Striker
Free Transfer





Still, kids who are likely to stick with the side half a decade or more, and will develop to match or exceed the level of play you find yourself at, are a much better choice than the older, mediocre players who you can normally sign.



Once a player signs a pre-contract with a team you don't have the ability to steal them. This will happen a lot, especially if word leaks that you're trying to steal a player out from under the team that trained them through their academy. Crewe Alexandria had three players I was interested in, and all three chose to stay at Crewe rather than joining us. That's how it goes for all of the higher division youth talent I tried to sign, which means Mair is the only signing who has the ability to jump immediately into the side.

Levi Blackmore, Centerback
£5,000 from Hednesford





Our three other youth recruits don't have as high a ceiling or as well developed as Mair, but they make out youth squad pretty darned good and through our own youth system and raiding other clubs we've gained a grand total of seven players who have Championship level potential for a grand total of £20,750.



Now that we've got some players with real potential I need to give them real coaches. Your U-21 team trains with the First Team coaches while your U-18 club is only trained by U-18 coaches, with the exception of fitness and goalkeeper coaches. At this point our coaching staff is acceptable, largely because of oligarch money allowing us to have a very large staff for a lower league team. I won't get to see these guys develop, though, unless I get a new contract at the end of the season. And that means winning promotion.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 21:54 on Dec 2, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Twelfth: Fledglings have to fly or die.
March 22, 2014-May 11, 2014

We've got a stocked youth system now, but that will be cold comfort if we fail to earn promotion. With seven games left we're three points back of Altrincham for the championship, and we've already qualified for the playoffs.

At AFC Telford, March 22, 2014
Skrill North



Callum Williams is clearly struggling. He lets two good chances go begging in the first half, and rattles a third off the crossbar. And of course we can't seem to help but give the other team a goal just before the half. Callum's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day continues in the second half as he misses another big chance. I finally pull him, but it doesn't do any good. We give up yet another late goal and take our third loss of the season, dropping us to six points behind Altrincham with only six more games to play. If we're going to get promoted it's probably going to be through the crapshoot that is a playoff.

AFC Telford 2-1 Tackleford City

vs. Bradford PA, March 29, 2014
Skrill North



Everything goes as expected when the team in 2nd place matches up against the team in 21st. Bradford get steamrolled, and we're deadly in front of the goal. Prior to the game I modified our main tactic slightly, setting the fullbacks to play a more limited and defensive role, and they reward me with a clean sheet. It baffles me that we have one of the best overall defenses in the league, having allowed the fewest goals of any team, but we seem to regularly allow other teams to score as the clock ticks down. I'll be going over our strategy more thoroughly during the summer break, but for now I'm trying to figure out what I can do to keep our defense from getting skinned and left for dead. Altrincham loses, and we're back to just 3 points behind them. We've got a better goal differential than they do, and we have an equal record with the same number of away goals, so we should have the tiebreaker if we're even on points.

Tackleford City 4-0 Bradford PA

vs. Stockport, April 5, 2014
Skrill North


Once again we keep a clean sheet, despite strong pressure at the end of the game by a team fighting to make the promotion playoffs. Rosetti remains mired in a deep slump, a major problem if we're forced into playoff matches. Altrincham draws, and we're now just a single point back of first place.

Tackleford City 1-0 Stockport

At Gainsborough, April 12, 2014
Skrill North



We come back from down one at halftime to tie the game on Callum William's first goal in eleven hours, and with Altrincham not active we move into first place. After Morris scores the winner fifteen minutes from the final whistle we are in first place by two points. The chase for the Skrill North title is coming down to the wire.

Gainsborough 1-2 Tackleford City



Altrincham stumbles against 7th place Brackley, losing one-nil. We now lead the division for the first time all season, and we control our own fate once more with three games left to play.

vs. Worcester, April 19, 2014
Skrill North


Andy Morris continues his torrid streak and bags a hat trick in the first half hour. We almost blow it in the second half, though, giving up 2 goals. Worcester peppers our goal with several good chances in the waning moments, causing me much concern. We escape with a narrow 3-2 victory, but points are points and we stay ahead of Altrincham.

Tackleford City 3-2 Worcester

At Gloucester, April 21, 2014
Skrill North


We nearly lost this game, saved only until a very late penalty call gives Rosetti a chance to equalize. He converts the penalty, and we take a point out of a match we had no business getting a result from. Derek McLaughlin, the 5k/week man, is our savior. I am furious with the team, and it seems like the players are doing their level best to give me a heart attack. I'm not joking, my family was wondering why I was cursing over my computer the day before Thanksgiving.

Gloucester 2-2 Tackleford City

At Colwyn Bay April 26, 2014
Skrill North



All we need to do to ensure promotion is to beat a team that's doomed to relegation. Even a draw will see us through. The only way we can make a hash of this is by losing. I relax when we take the lead 17 seconds in (yes, seconds) into the match. That doesn't last long as Colwyn Bay equalizes 42 seconds (yes, seconds) later. But I shouldn't have worried, we're able to pull ahead and then protect our lead. We win the game, and we win promotion. I tell the lads to enjoy it.




They're surprisingly bored. But I don't really care, we're moving up to the Skrill Premier! We'll actually be playing other full time professional teams! Break out the champagne!

Colwyn Bay 1-2 Tackleford City



The board is also somewhere shy of jubiliation, and they don't want the team to go overboard celebrating. To make them happy I throw the players into a fitness regimen over the last two weeks before they go onto their vacation. The board is happy enough that I request and receive a three year contract extension, with the added goal of playing possession soccer. I can't get them to agree to changing towards a youth oriented style, but with a three year deal I should be safe despite our inability to sign big name players.



I finally win a Coach of the Month award, which I'm grateful for even if I think it's long overdue.

Altrincham v. Worcester, May 10, 2014
Skrill North Promotion Final


Fourth place Worcester beats Altrincham in a barnburner to gain promotion to the Skrill North. Altrincham is a perfect example of why I was concerned about facing a promotion playoff- they lead the league from week 10 until week 37, set a scoring record for the Skrill North and finish with 89 points... and don't gain promotion because they lost a winner take all match.




Now it's time for the offseason, and over the next three months we'll be letting some players go, trying to resign others to longer contracts, and bringing in a few new faces in an effort to make it back to back promotions. I tell the players how proud I am of them, and set a goal of being at least mid-table at the end of next season. Many players fail to react well, which shows a lack of ambition. But for the moment, let's enjoy our success. I plan on it being merely the first of many.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 18:26 on Mar 19, 2014

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
OK, folks, I have a decision to make. Giving us a sugar daddy has made the game fairly easy. We've got a much bigger wage budget than we should have, and it's going to remain that way if we do nothing. While it's possible I get fired if we don't meet their expectations (which will end the LP) the more likely scenario is that we'll succeed without too much effort, and we won't have to worry about getting rid of our best players because we can't afford them. So I'm going to put this up to a vote.

A) We continue as things are, with fat bankrolls, a demanding owner with a desire for top flight talent, and resources that won't be matched until we hit at least League One and more likely the Premier League.
Pros: No worries about losing our young players, can focus on just winning games, will be able to purchase some ludicrously excellent players in the lower leagues.
Cons: Comparatively easy, no opportunity to show off the financial side of the game, is boring me.

B) We're taken over by the supporters, as a fan owned team. The Board would be run by the Goons. The team would have much less money and would have to be self-sufficient.
Pros: Thread participation is fun! Adds another human element to the game.
Cons: We'll likely have to sell off our most expensive players, pointless if no one wants to participate.

C) I change the owner's happiness so that he sells the team, likely to some local businessman or consortium. We get someone who doesn't have nearly as much money, and who will have unknown demands and requests.
Pros: Get to show off what happens to a team in turnover turmoil, more or less resets the boardroom to how it would originally have been for LLM.
Cons: We don't know what we're going to get, they might want to bring in their own people and fire me.

Voting is open until midnight Wednesday, EST. I'll take your choices under advisement, feel free to ask for any clarifications.

edit: That is, voting is open until the end of Tuesday.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 15:00 on Dec 2, 2013

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Dwarsen posted:

I think it would be better if the result was a bit more prominent.

OK, I'll start adding that to the end of the writeups.

I'll probably change how I do post match screenshots so they don't need to be thumbnailed, and I'll probably start using the games ability to record matches for some of the more interesting stuff to give people an option of seeing the match engine in action.

One thing I'll do regardless of who we choose as owner will be to write up the team financials as well- making sure you don't turn into Portsmouth and ruin everything you've worked for is a huge challenge when building a team from the depths of semi-pro ball.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Zeroisanumber posted:

It's already pretty tough clawing your way out of the doldrums of the English football leagues, I'm worried that hampering yourself financially might turn this into a bit of a slog.

I'm not that concerned about it, tbh. It might keep us from gaining promotion every year all the way to the top, and it will keep us from massively outspending our opposition, but the underlying financials of the team are healthy even absent oligarch money due to the crowd sizes we've been getting and our current sponsorship deals.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
The B's resoundingly have it. Fan trust it is.

Unfortunately the FMRTE ingame editor no longer has the "Make the owner sell the team" button, which means I'll have to work to get the owner to sell the club. I've set his age at over 100, turned all of his stats down to 1 except for patience (so he doesn't fire me if we lose a couple games) and fixed our finances up. Or FMRTE might get updated with that at any time, in which case it'll be pretty easy to force a sale. New update should be either this afternoon or this evening, depending on how lazy I am at work.

  • Locked thread