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Don't do this. Not with a new baby. Anecdotal: when my daughter was an infant, she hated the car seat. She also hated her play pen and crib. Basically, she hated anything that wasn't my arms. You may luck out and not have this happen, but if you do, that drive is going to suck. My daughter would have the worst shits in a car (we were convinced she was car sick), and with breastfeeding, we had to stop about every two hours for a feeding because she would be too distraught for a bottle. It was incredibly stressful, and by the end of the trip, I hated everyone and everything. We were all miserable. Not to sound mean, but your relatives (dead or otherwise) will still be there a few months from now. I'm sure they'll understand why you haven't visited (stress of new baby and not really being able to afford it atm). Hell, we haven't seen my father in law in years because we just couldn't afford it, and it's not like he doesn't understand. Even if he did make a fuss, we still couldn't afford it and he'd just have to get over it. My daughter's well being comes first. So save up for it, if you really feel the need to go, but keep in mind that the money must come from somewhere, and your budget is already being spread pretty thin. Maybe your discretionary funds? Because if you have other money floating around, you're not spending it wisely.
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Jan 21, 2015 20:38
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| # ¿ May 20, 2024 15:46 |
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Every day my husband calls me as he's heading home from work to ask if he should pick anything up. This could mean picking up items from the grocery store, or picking up fast food. He does this EVERY DAY. Every now and then I'll say, "Chick Fil A, please~" and he'll do it. But most of the time, it's "I need spaghetti sauce, waffles, and milk." I tell you this because it helps to have someone else make those decisions with you. He knows we shouldn't be eating fast food. I know we shouldn't be eating fast food. So we rely on each other to keep each of us in check. If I answer, "Chick Fil A please~" too many times this week, he'll call me out on it, and vice versa. You and your wife need to do the same. That's basically what you're doing with this thread. But we're not going to be there when you want to stop at McD's. That's why you need your wife's input. That's why you both need to keep each other in check and not just say, "Sure, honey" because you want the other person to be happy. I don't understand the moving out thing. The last place was too small? Was it because you have two people and five animals? How long did you live there? The place we're currently living sucks (for us). My daughter is getting bigger, she has more stuff, and she needs room to play. Our neighbors fight all the time and we've had to call the cops on them for domestic violence. We're lucky to get a parking spot near our place. The kids around here have been known to break aquariums on the playground, and repeatedly take pieces of the equipment. Every month something is breaking in this drat place (the sink, the hvac, the dishwasher, the fridge)... But we stayed for two years longer than we wanted, because it's what we could afford. And now we're finally in a financially better position to move. You need to harden the gently caress up and tell your family that no, you cannot afford to buy all the things for them. You are not loving Santa Claus. What worked for me and my family was all of us just saying, you know what? I don't have the money to do this right now. We'll do a Secret Santa, at most. The only person who never sticks with that plan is my mother, and that's because she's my mom and can do whatever the gently caress she wants. BUT she still knows we're not all buying gifts for each other. She understands we can't always afford such things because we loving talk to her about it. It sucks that you feel you can't talk to your family about this stuff, but you need to find a way. They need to understand that your well-being and the well-being of your family are going to come before their wants-- end of discussion. Having all those flights of fancy is fine and dandy. We all have them. I think the thread tends to freak out and overreact to these things because you present them as ideas you're considering acting upon-- which seems like it's not the case. Again, it's fine to have these ideas so long as you're not really considering doing something about them. When you get to the stage where you're actually trying to plan out how to get away with these schemes, that's really when you need to get your rear end in here and post about them.
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Jan 22, 2015 17:24
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If that child tries to spring free on the 11th, shove it back into her cooter, thanks.
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Feb 5, 2015 18:38
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sheri posted:If it makes you/wife feel any better, I had no pre labor anything going on until the day I gave birth. Nothing, until I started having contractions on the day of his birth and 8 hours lady I had my son in my arms. Same here. Nothing until that night, and then we were driving to the hospital at 11 pm. This little lady didn't make her debut until the following afternoon.
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Feb 16, 2015 05:37
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Woo! Congrats!
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Feb 20, 2015 17:26
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Stop Eating Out Stop Finding Excuses Learn to say, "No." What the hell is wrong with you?
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Mar 20, 2015 21:59
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Knyteguy posted:I don't want to say no to family I see maybe once a year? Your family should be buying you dinner, idiot. This is the second time that I can recall in recent months in which you've used the family excuse of buying dinner. You just told us about going over your grocery budget because you bought food and drinks for visiting family. Every loving month you talk about going over your grocery budget (while having a poo poo ton of prepared food in a freezer) because you and your wife can't stop eating out. Someone else pointed it out, but all this "taking family out to dinner" poo poo is just giving them the impression that you have disposal income. You don't have disposable income (unless you take it out of discretionary). I swear if I weren't on a phone, I'd go back and quote every loving time you went over grocery budget, BUT IT'S OKAY GUYS WE GOT SO MUCH FOOD NOW WE'RE TOTALLY GONNA SAVE MONEY NEXT MONTH! Stop. Eating. Out. Stop. Finding. Excuses. Learn right now so you can teach your child better habits and set him up for a life of financial success. Glob drat you make me angry sometimes. But that's only because I made the same mistakes as you and it took having a kid to realize I gotta get my poo poo together. I can bury myself with stupid financial decisions, but not her. I'll teach her what my parents didn't teach me. You should be thinking the same, and break these bad habits you have right loving now.
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Mar 21, 2015 15:23
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Oh man. If you have problems with what others think of you now, you're gonna have a hell of a time being a parent. Other parents have this wonderful way of being incredibly judgmental of your parenting skills. You're not making your own baby food? You monster. No cloth diapering, either? Call loving CPS. I swear, I had to stop listening to/reading parental advice. It can really kill your self esteem.
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Apr 4, 2015 02:15
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So it was a need you didn't budget for, is what you're saying; and moving it to April makes the numbers look good, and makes you feel better. Okay, SlowMo. (Please don't get that bad.)
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Apr 4, 2015 15:38
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Knyteguy, may I ask what it is you wish to get out of this thread? You put on this air of, "I have this under control. We're showing progress and have gotten better." But when people start to point out how you haven't really made any changes (or at least very little changes) to your mentality/habits regarding your finances, you go on the defensive and seem to get offended. So what are you looking to get out of this thread? Did you mention this whole "getting the place ready for guests" or the garden earlier in the thread, or is this the first we're hearing about it?
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Apr 6, 2015 17:50
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Easychair Bootson posted:KG when you're deep in debt and just had a kid and get a short notice invitation to a bachelor trip, you politely decline. This is how adulthood works. I honestly can't even believe you're considering it while simultaneously wondering where the month's grocery money is coming from. Seriously. "I just had a kid" is perfect for these situations. You need to learn to use it often. Also, I hear a lot of "I want" from you. You want to up your discretionary because (hahahaha!) Summer, but you know you /need/ to put that money towards debt. Such simple things that BFC advises and the top two are usually: 1. Make a budget and stick to it. 2. Evaluate needs vs wants. These are really the only two things you need to do consistently to get yourself into a better financial position.
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Apr 7, 2015 17:48
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My sympathies. Riding a bike five miles is hard work. Especially in a neighborhood, then through a busy intersection. I mean, I did it for a few months in Houston along Westheimer, going through the Galleria area. It was so hard. I cried every day. Oh wait, no I didn't. Because I'm not a loving pansy. We had one car, he worked on the other side of the city, and I had to get to school and work somehow. Bike it was. We also walk three miles (pushing a stroller) any time it's not raining. It takes us 45 minutes tops. You are one man. HTFU.
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Apr 14, 2015 21:26
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Knyteguy posted:Progress. Despite wanting to go I skipped the bachelor party completely to stay on track with finances, studying, and the alcohol goal. The result of this means I have a small sum of discretionary left to get me through the month. So I proved you wrong something clever you said I was going to go over by mid month I think. Yesssss~
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Apr 19, 2015 03:32
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Knyteguy posted:Really? I'd love a second car right about now. Please open those floodgates. I do enjoy when someone goes through your posts and lists all the contradictory statements and decisions you've made. 
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Apr 22, 2015 17:37
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Knyteguy posted:Sure that'd be great to get some input. With traffic (and there is always traffic), that drive will be an hour or two more than you think. Unless you live in Richmond, Arlington (a skip away from DC), or Alexandria, Virginia sucks. I'm not joking at all. It is boring as gently caress.
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Apr 23, 2015 17:29
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Knyteguy posted:Yep that is to the moment. Can someone explain to me how this works? Because I thought take -out would come out of the restaurant budget and any overage would come out of discretionary? Immediately taking it out of discretionary feels like cheating. Although, hey -- he hasn't spent $300 on restaurants!
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Apr 24, 2015 19:07
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Aagar posted:Since he went over $300 on restaurants, he's not spending anything out of the restaurant budget until it's back in the black (which will be June). Ah, okay. Thanks for the clarification.
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Apr 24, 2015 23:57
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They have used discretionary for eating out. He mentioned doing that just last month. I do think there is a considerable amount of money allocated to food in general, but I don't think anyone else or KG agree, so whatever. But if he can actually spend as little as possible while eating decently, I'd be happy with that. I'd also be surprised because he always says they stock up and freeze stuff, and yet there he is again at the store or Olive Garden, blowing the budget. Don't think just because you underspend in groceries means you get to use that money for other junk instead of debt, though.
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May 6, 2015 19:13
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Business casual. Khakis and a polo shirt-- maybe dress shirt and tie. According to my husband (who works in the same field on the east coast), in these here parts there's a kind of stigma when it comes to suits. You see a guy walking around in a suit and you think, "Businessman" and businessmen are the enemy. His words not mine. Sounds hilarious to me.
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May 14, 2015 15:41
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Knyteguy posted:Like I've done the math. If we didn't have rent or debt we would right now be at about mr money mustache levels of spending. But you do have those things. You will have those things for a long time yet. I think it's comments like that which make people think you aren't looking at reality and fixating too much on the optimistic side of things.
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May 28, 2015 03:13
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Knyteguy posted:Why do you think I am being unrealistic? Like provide me with an example of what I should be fixating on? It seems to me that keeping our expense to income ratio the same or better, coming up with a plan for my wife to become a paralegal, and then executing would be more valuable than cutting our discretionary down $30 or something. I see value absolutely in cutting expenses, but we're at a pretty good point I feel like. You are always so defensive. I am not going to go through all your posts to show how you often talk about the optimistic side of your grand ideas rather than the realistic side. Often it takes someone else pointing out the flaws of your ideas for you to realize that, "hey-- maybe I'm looking at this through rose colored glasses." Others have pointed out that you do this. I am merely giving you an example of why people may have this opinion of you. What should you be fixating on? Why the gently caress are you asking me that? It's your life. But there's no point in saying, "If we didn't have rent or debt." Why say that? Yeah, if you didn't, you'd be rolling in money. So would everyone else. But that's not the situation, is it? So why think that way? It's a waste of time. "Ocean" and "NBA and NFL" or whatever? Seriously? That's on a list of reasons to move? Waste of time. Putting that poo poo on what's supposed to be a serious list of reasons to move makes you seem almost childish. I literally rolled my eyes when I read that. gently caress, dude, I dunno. Maybe it is like someone else said: the stuff you say is not necessarily the stuff you mean, and it can be frustrating. Edit: someone else mentioned getting hired with a consulting firm and possibly doing remote work that way. This is what my husband does currently. It's pretty awesome. foxatee fucked around with this message at 04:59 on May 28, 2015 |
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May 28, 2015 04:56
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Knyteguy posted:Oh jeez relax guys it's still an internet forum. I'm going to make it my goal to transform weary into meaning wary now. I think weary could kind of loosely fit anyway as it's an antonym of enthusiastic. Maybe s/he just doesn't want you to sound stupid. Location really comes before Quality with a wife and kid? I find that baffling.
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May 28, 2015 21:06
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Yeah, but KG has said Price and Location take precedence over Quality, and this place ticks off both those qualifications, so time to move, imo.
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May 30, 2015 19:23
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Droo posted:Or he could get a job that pays fair market value for a software developer and just not increase his spending at all. Knyteguy posted:Discretionary - meh just fun stuff or lazy stuff. I don't think KG has learned the proper mind-set that would prevent him from spending the extra cash. Oh, he'd put some of it towards debt, but I bet he would think, "I'm making enough now. We can splurge a little, right?" and then proceed to do so while not making any real progress with his debt. He'll lose track of his spending comfortable in the knowledge that at least things are getting paid, and hey!-- he's putting more money towards debt than he was before, so he doesn't really have to worry about the money. Habits. It's all about habits. Also, KG wrote "wary" and not "weary" and for that I am thankful.
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Jun 2, 2015 17:11
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I assume you've saved up for the vacation. Planned ahead and all that. I'm also confused on what you're waiting on. You should know what you've spent because you've been tracking it. It can't be money coming in because wouldn't that just go toward the July budget? I mean, it's not like you spent money you didn't already have.
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Jul 7, 2015 17:25
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So long as it's not a "we didn't actually save for it, but we're going to make it work" thing, I don't care. Like if you took it out of your discretionary for the next couple of months, I'd see that as okay so long as you don't forget you have no discretionary to spend in the upcoming month or so. I'm not gonna knock you for taking a break together. The hubs and I took a mini vacation sometime after our daughter was born and all we did was sleep. Glorious, glorious uninterrupted sleep.
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Jul 7, 2015 22:27
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What the gently caress, man? I just... KG, I want you to take that vacation. I really do. But you're already going to be making up this bullshit in July. You won't have any money to set aside for a vacation. Over in Groceries, Restaurants, Clothing /Grooming, and Discretionary? I'm so disappointed in you, it's bordering on anger.
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Jul 12, 2015 04:45
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Watch your spending and stick to your budget. That is the best path. It's not complicated. You don't need new ideas or new schemes.
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Jul 18, 2015 00:03
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May I ask why you're suddenly worried about this when you haven't been panicky about it before?
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Jul 18, 2015 00:22
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Knyteguy posted:^ Thanks for the input everyone. I'll give it some thought on how to proceed. I never said it was a new concern. We're all aware of the medical debt, but you've never shown this much concern over it. I'm just wondering why this became such a priority all of a sudden.
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Jul 18, 2015 03:01
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Doing a half day hike with my family and my mom tomorrow in the hills behind our houses, so that'll be cool.
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Duckman2008 posted:Off topic, but he did say black widow spiders. Aren't they deadly poisonous? I would freak out myself on that one. I live on the east coast and had black widow problems at my old place. But I guess it's better than being in Texas and dealing with brown recluse and countless wolf spiders. gently caress spiders, man.
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Jul 23, 2015 16:51
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Maybe people get upset because you've shown you can be financially responsible (when you actually listen to the advice given), but then you do irresponsible things following that and it just shows that you haven't actually learned anything. It's great that you stopped with the payday loans, but how long ago was that? How long will you continue to use that in your arguments? Past victories are great. How about some present victories that don't involve the thread having to approve of every transaction? I could be wrong, though.
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Jul 24, 2015 04:32
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Then why have you been looking for remote work..?
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Jul 28, 2015 20:15
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Knyteguy posted:I could justify getting my office a little more... officey if I got a remote job. My work space kind of sucks at home, so I don't really want to work there too much. I don't want to spend the money. That's really all there is to it. I guess if you can't control yourself about buying poo poo for the office, then it's a good idea. My husband was doing remote work five days a week for months and his office was his laptop and the kitchen table. 
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Jul 28, 2015 22:38
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Cicero posted:Programming on just a laptop is pretty painful, in my experience. Having multiple screens is an enormous help. He seemed to be doing just fine, though I'm sure he'd prefer dual monitors. I'm just saying that's a stupid reason, and such a minor sacrifice.
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Jul 28, 2015 23:18
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You guys need to stop fussing. He said he's happy with where they are right now, so let's just close the thread and have a beer. 
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Jul 31, 2015 16:52
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RIP, KG.
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Aug 1, 2015 00:55
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Congrats, KG Wife! Many people never get out of retail. Glad to see you will.
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Aug 4, 2015 16:54
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Where be those numbers, bro? How's parenting going?
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Sep 7, 2015 20:15
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Let's see, he said they've been tailgating, hosting get togethers, and doing family stuff every weekend. The wife got a new phone, which may or may not have cost them. And he went out of town for a few days or something. Plus the car wreck. I'm hoping that doesn't necessarily mean they went hog wild this past month.
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Sep 16, 2015 18:15
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