Creating Terrible Movies in the Name of Jesus: Christian Movie Megathread

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Creating Terrible Movies in the Name of Jesus: Christian Movie Megathread

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

I'm loving this thread! I saw an episode of Bibleman back when I was going to church, although my church was pretty progressive, so even our youth pastor was making fun of it with how bad it was. Other than a copy of Jesus Christ Superstar (which I never watched) being gifted to me for Easter once, that's about the extent of exposure.

Of course this leads me to making up stories about what could actually be a good Christian movie. Sadly every one tends to lead to having to have the church involved and things getting better. I just want to see one where the ethnic sidekick, complete with the racisim tropes, turns out to be Jesus at the end, and the protagonist was an rear end in a top hat all along.

# ¿ Dec 19, 2013 21:06

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 22:14

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

Casimir Radon posted:

One Christmas grandma gave a VHS copy of The Creation Adventure Team: 6 Short Days, One Big Adventure to my brother.

Which teaches you that if evolution is being taught in your school you should take that as an opportunity to preach creationism to everyone, at the end they will all accept this and clap. If you recognize the dinosaur man from somewhere but can't quite place him, it's because there's a statue of him at the Creation Museum, the same people are behind both ventures.

I live about 45 minutes away from the Creation Museum. I was going to go see it once, but I got to the door, and decided that $35 for pseudoscience was not worth that much. So I went to the aquarium and petted some sharks for $20 instead.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2013 12:16

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

gatesealer posted:

I don't know if this counts since it hasn't been released yet, but God Isn't Dead is coming to theaters this year. Here is the trailer and, oh man, I almost want to see it just for a good laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMjo5f9eiX8

For those that don't want to click on the link, the movie is basically filled with every cliche thing christian parents tell their kids will happen in college. The professor requires his students to write "god is dead" on the first day of class, but the strong christian student says no! So he sets about defending his point of view but the evil professor is threatening to fail him and the best line is said "Are you failing me? Or are you failing God?!" It is so ridiculous.

Isn't that the exact plot of a Chick Tract?

# ¿ Jan 2, 2014 19:57

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

raditts posted:

We're talking about a group of people where some believe that humans and dinosaurs co-existed here.

Yeah, I live 30 minutes away from the Creation Museum.

I haven't actually been because, it's $30 for pseudoscience, and I don't want to cry in public over humanity.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2014 15:27

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

Cognac McCarthy posted:

Probably not today, and it's not the exact same thing, but I'd say the freakout over anything gay or Middle Eastern/Islamic in the early 2000s could be seen as a rough analogue.

The Satanic Panic only took hold because there was a big white conservative freakout over the collapse of inner cities and because it was clear the culture war had been lost. The guys in these videos were almost certainly kids or teenagers during the 1960s and '70s and were the squarest of squares, but with the benefit of hindsight we know that the USSR was about to collapse, that the 1990s would be the most prosperous decade in American cities, especially for white people, that violent crime would continue falling, and that The Simpsons is a good and funny show that wouldn't lead to society's imminent collapse.

The aftermath of 9/11 is the only time I can think of since then that everyone in the media lost their poo poo, but even then the prevalence of the internet meant that it was easier to get perspectives on culture and events from Europe and such, where the conservative freakout wasn't the same. The tight grip on media and information prior to the 1990s makes a big difference. I guess there are people like Christine O'Donnell who still blame thing on witches, and I'm sure there's media supporting that, but the fact that she's such an aberration at this point is pretty telling.

To this day I still can't understand how people were convinced that The Simpsons of all things, especially the seasons in the 90's, were a doom to mankind. I remember waiting in line for the South Park movie in 1999, and someone in line saying that South Park was that cartoon that's raunchier than The Simpsons, with an inflection that indicated that the Simpsons was really raunchy. Granted that was season 11, the season I consider to be the last season of the Simpsons, none were ever made after that, you can't convince me otherwise.

# ¿ May 13, 2015 12:29

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

With the first Gods Not Dead they had a theme song from Christian band The Newsboys.

Ah, I remember the Newsboys from my ill-fated attempts at being a "Good Christian" boy in middle school circa 1993 :allears:

# ¿ Apr 1, 2016 20:14

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

RC and Moon Pie posted:

Pat Boone is famous entirely because he was the nice, clean white boy of rock and roll. He didn't understand Tutti Frutti, but since he was the safe alternative, his version ascended higher on the charts. He also wrote this fantastically cheesy book called Twist Twelve and Twenty that seems to show some obsession with spanking.

No one remembers this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvlt6POm-lc

# ¿ Apr 20, 2016 16:38

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

WampaLord posted:

It ended with resurrected Jesus stepping out of the cave. I think the last shot is of the holes in his hands.

That sounds just like hook for a sequel about someone coming back for revenge!

# ¿ Jun 16, 2016 14:32

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

computer parts posted:

"yo, you don't need a Sky Daddy to take care of all of your problems".

I wish the stupid motherfucker I work with could grasp this concept. I swear dude is practically praying for god to do his laundry for him.

EDIT: The only reason I know this, is because he has to tell everyone about it, and he's super loud, so I get to hear about every little thing about 5 times a day.

Iron Crowned fucked around with this message at 13:01 on Jul 7, 2016

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 12:57

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 22:14

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

ZDar Fan posted:

Yeah, the entire description reads like the set-up for a pro-life Punisher to me.

It really would be great to have a stealth anti-pro-life movie.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2016 22:51

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Creating Terrible Movies in the Name of Jesus: Christian Movie Megathread