|
Today in class (high school, Japan), I was doing an activity that involved six playing cards. With my first period class, I made the mistake of handing the cards out to the groups at the start of class, rather than right before the part of the activity that involved them. Naturally, they couldn't resist playing/fidgeting with them while they were supposed to be working on other stuff. I walked by one boy who was busy building a house of cards instead of filling out the worksheet for the next part of the activity. He looks at me, looks at the cards, and says "Trump Tower" in the most matter-of-fact tone possible. "trump" (or "torampu") is Japanese for "playing cards". I also miiight keep a text file of funny stuff they say/do: *** From another worksheet: If I were 20 years old ____________. "If I were twenty years old, I would be samurai" 3) If you had one million yen, what would you do? "I would use it for cats." "I would buy two sword" (from the samurai kid) *** One of the loud boys, to a girl passing in the hall between classes: "HOW ARE YOU?" Girl: "You...aren't...cool!" *** Japanese co-teacher had students designing T-shirts (in English) for the school Culture Festival during the last part of class. There were suggestions like 'The sky is the limit!" and "Fight!", etc. One boy went back through his textbook, and made an elaborately decorated shirt that read "COULD YOU PASS ME THE SALT?" *** Me: I went to Aogashima (translated literally, "blue island") for summer vacation. How about you? Student: I went to... Oni-ga-shima (lit: "devil island") Me: Where is that? Student, without pausing to think: "It's in your heart." *** In one activity, I was described by various technical school students (the worst-behaved/worst English/funniest) as "cool", "white", "human", and "big penis". If only I could get them to write my CV for me... *** In class reviewing answers on a directions activity: Japanese co-teacher: "Okay, what's the answer for "A"? (answer is a number that corresponds to a direction) Students, in unison: "6!" One boy, in the back, quietly to himself: "Meatball." *** I think "cold bear" (polar bear) might have topped "aqua stadium" (aquarium) for most awesome guesses of English words they don't know by my students. *** Me: "[student], why do you like K-pop?" [student]: "Because they have sexy hips and legs." Me: "How about the music?" [student]: "Ummm... yes?" *** Was teaching a class of 6 boys. One of them asked me how old I was when I got my first kiss, so after I answered I turned it around on them and asked them if they'd kissed a girl yet. The shrimpy kid who hadn't hit puberty yet says "yes" in Japanese and his buddy goes "お母さん?" [Your mother?]. No way I couldn't laugh at that. *** In my girlfriend's after school English club, one of her students wrote "IS GOD DIE?" on the board, to show her exasperation with finals.
|
#
?
Feb 17, 2014 11:29
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 01:39 |
|
|
The same kid whose girlfriend is Hello Kitty from my previous post: ME: "I need a volunteer." *crickets* ME: "Okay, you're getting voluntold..." HELLO KITTY KID: *sigh* "poo poo." ME: "Oh, then, you. Stand up, please." HELLO KITTY KID: "It's because I'm handsome." One of my first graders: (The lesson was using "I can/I can't" in a full sentence.) THOMAS: *raises hand, biggest poo poo-eating grin on earth* "Teacher, I can gently caress YOU!" ME: *death stare* (Note: this kid is teacher's pet like whoa, although I would not admit it to anyone except on the internet. His mom lets him text me from her phone and we talk about Mozart. His English is amazing)" Thomas, don't you EVER say that again." THOMAS: "Why?" ME: "Because it's really mean. You hurt me feelings." THOMAS: "Oh." *thinks* "I can't anymore gently caress you."
|
|
#
?
Feb 17, 2014 12:17
|
|
|
Just started my job, so I haven't found any gold. But I envy my coworker, who teaches an advanced class with a 12 year old Taiwanese kid who is the next Lewis Sachar. "My new P.E. teacher is not tall, but he is not short. He is not old, but he is not young. He is not fat, but he is not thin. But he is blue."
|
|
#
?
Feb 17, 2014 16:09
|
|
|
Not really anything in particular that they actually said but I had to confiscate a soccer ball from my Turkish first graders because they were playing with it in class. I didn't really have anywhere big enough to put it out of their reach so I put it on the chair behind the teachers desk. They apparently didn't see this and it blew their minds that I had made their soccer ball disappear. They were asking me how I did it for the rest of the class.
|
|
#
?
Feb 17, 2014 19:59
|
|
|
bringmyfishback posted:The black card was "What's that smell?" and one kid excitedly picked the white card "my dad." Was that from the set I uploaded to Waygook.org? If so... awesome. edit for content: The best combinations I got were: In Iron Man 4, Iron Man will fight [a baby] Yesterday I sat on [my girlfriend / Jesus] My favorite animal is [Kim Jong Eun] joedevola has a new favorite as of 08:09 on Feb 18, 2014 |
|
#
?
Feb 18, 2014 08:06
|
|
|
I was chatting about video games with an adult student of mine today, and we were mostly reminiscing about games of our youth, when he mentions he knows the guy who originally designed Sonic The Hedgehog. Seems this guy was a hentai artist who sold his creation to some dealer who then sold it to Sega. I think. His English isn't quite the clearest and I didn't press for more details, but that's definitely what he said.
|
|
#
?
Feb 18, 2014 08:58
|
|
|
joedevola posted:Was that from the set I uploaded to Waygook.org? Looks like it was! Thanks so much, by the way. My kids loved it!
|
|
#
?
Feb 18, 2014 14:23
|
|
|
From student compositions today: "Jack sparrow went to England is tight" "Elsa is the queen of mice power"
|
|
#
?
Feb 20, 2014 07:06
|
|
|
Pompous Rhombus posted:I think "cold bear" (polar bear) might have topped "aqua stadium" (aquarium) for most awesome guesses of English words they don't know by my students. One of my favorites is "fire machine" in lieu of 'heater' which is double bizarre because they have 'heater' as a loan word anyway.
|
|
#
?
Feb 20, 2014 09:33
|
|
|
"I can't love pork" - 7 year old saudi boy. He seemed really disheatened. One school I worked at was next to a butchers, very little else on the street, and they got smart and started having barbeques outside everyday for what passes as summer in England. One day, in reception: Teacher: What are you eating? Morbidly obese Saudi manchild: A gammon!  Teacher: You know that's pork, right? Morbidly obese Saudi manchild: No, is gammon. Teacher: It's pork. Gammon is pork. Morbidly obese Saudi manchild:  (in such a way to suggest that this is not the first time he's mistakenly eaten pork).My school was mostly saudis trying to by IELTS to get into the local university. Some were very savvy, polite and engaged. Others were not. There was one guy, Nwaimis al-Nwaimis (actual name, gently caress him), who had ended up in upper int. since he'd been with us for literally years and got bumped due to changing class sizes and knowing how to play the system. He told us once about a film he saw, about an English freedom fighter, who had a war against Scotland and was crowned king (or something equally retarded). The name of the film? Strong Heart! edit - I know this will probably look racist, since I've picked on three Saudis. But if you've ever taught EFL in England, you'll know the score. I could probably try to force myself to remember what the fuckton of Austrians whom I've taught have said, but they were fluent enough to be cool. However "English food is poo poo" kinda got on my nerves. True to an extent, but please bear in mind that you are at host family who needs the extra income, so frozen pizzas probably shouldn't be a surprise.
|
|
#
?
Feb 24, 2014 14:33
|
|
|
Some gems from my students' vocabulary homework: "After I go home, my house's situations give way me be stupefied." "In case of emergency, I have a supple mind." "I will hit you until you tamely admit yours mistake."
|
|
#
?
Feb 27, 2014 17:19
|
|
|
One of my adult students nearly gave me a goddamn heart attack today. He asked if I knew about my school shutting down at the end of April. Turns out he just meant closing for Golden Week, but he definitely made me panic for a minute there.
|
|
#
?
Mar 15, 2014 10:17
|
|
|
Nuts and Gum posted:I grew up Mormon (didn't go on a mission) and the church has always been prideful of it's Missionary Training Center's ability to teach new missionaries a foreign language in like a month and a half. Does anyone know what method they use? I'm sure part of the success is that the 18 year olds they ship off to foreign countries have no option but to learn since they start knocking on doors right away. I've come across missionaries in Sweden who would approach you on the street, run off a few sentences and ask if they could continue in English. Anyone else see this in countries with more popular languages?
|
|
#
?
Mar 15, 2014 19:25
|
|
|
From an essay competition for 9th graders in my Mongolian Aimag. The question was "What makes a country a country other than language, geography, and government?" "Country is an ocean who is inside a bigger ocean, for years he have been watching us with his super vision and loving us with his super heart. Country is also made of love of the public."
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 12:19
|
|
|
From a student's review of Warm Bodies: "Maybe zombies have a sick and we should be friends with good zombies, but I hope I never meet a zombie."
|
|
#
?
Mar 22, 2014 14:25
|
|
|
Groda posted:I've come across missionaries in Sweden who would approach you on the street, run off a few sentences and ask if they could continue in English. I think Mitt Romney's French can prove that is not the case: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyP2M0DTch8 I do know that when I was abroad with Rotary Youth Exchange, they used the LDS cultural guides a lot, especially for non-Western countries, albeit introducing them with "so take this with a grain of salt..."
|
|
#
?
Apr 4, 2014 03:19
|
|
|
I'm still doing that "invent a country" activity, because it's great for teaching modals of permission/obligation. With a class of adults today, I got this horrifying group of laws: 1) it is prohibited to be sad. 2) people who take bribes must be executed. 3) no despair. 4) education must be free. 5) smoking shisha is not allowed. You must close your bar and make restaurant. "SMILE, CITIZEN, THE POLICE ARE COMING."
|
|
#
?
May 16, 2014 07:00
|
|
|
SurreptitiousMuffin posted:I'm still doing that "invent a country" activity, because it's great for teaching modals of permission/obligation. With a class of adults today, I got this horrifying group of laws: Aren't 1) and 3) the same thing? Also, what is it like having Friend Computer as a student?
|
|
#
?
May 16, 2014 07:20
|
|
|
I had a Chinese co-worker who somehow briefly came under the impression that a Saudi student's father was the king of Saudi Arabia. I felt kind of bad that we all laughed so hard, but really.
|
|
#
?
May 17, 2014 00:42
|
|
|
I got this from a student in an essay about how the language you speak affects how you think: "You have to think as an English man to learn English. Otherwise you learn something similar to English, but not really English."
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 14:00
|
|
|
I got this in an essay about what countries my students would like to visit: "Japan is strange events happen every day." Yeah, that sounds about right...
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 02:25
|
|
|
Two recent assignments had some good results. Now students in Elementary school are studying English. Do you agree with this? What are some good and bad points? good point is earliar remember english, brain is a genius, to more popular is human. mother and mother, children and children in the rumor spreading good rumor everyone to study english. In the town, Japanese human for speak English to talk with very amazing. Highschool trip is Australia to talking is not difficult. But point is Junior school is brains full up burst, burst is difficultry. And more know not know hard your hard. and school teachers is too teach english, and, P.E. piano, at all of teaching is more difficult. I thought is junior school English introduce is agree with now. Finish the story. Last Sunday, when I was reading a book at home, suddenly there was a knock on the door. I am alone now. My family have tripped. They can't be here. ➀"Hey Takashi. Me! Me!!" ②"Who are you. Are you thief?" ➀"Why? Where is the thief who knock on the door!" ②"Oh, that's right. Wait a minute." Ga-cha. "OH! Mike, why did you come?" ➀"Because my house is closed, but I don't know the reason." ②"Well, Didn't your family trip with my family?" ➀"What? I can't believe! My family went out without saying. Huhhh... The parson who was standing at the door is my friend. She looked depressed. The reason that she came was she had lost her house's key and her family went on a three-week tour of Europe, so she couldn't enter her house. she said 「Help me!」 I approved her request. we looked for her key everywhere, but we couldn't. I said 「You'd better give up.」 Just then, she noticed that she put the key in her pocket. I was disgusted at her bumbling. Then I had a stomach 腹痛! so I ignore it. But I heard that the door opening. I went ot the door with I bearing a stomach 腹痛 and scare. There was a strenger man. He said "Can I use washlet?" I said "sorry, I'm going to use it before you. When I oppened the door, my brother was standing there. "Why are you busy so much?" I asked him. He answered, "I escaped from two stokers! Please help me, my sister!" I accepted his request, and I made him enter my house. I asked him, "Who is escaping you?" He said, "I have two girls who go with me. But they suddenly chace me. I wonder why they chace me. How do yo think about it?" I didn't answer and I drove out him. I don't know what happened after that. May God bless him! I went to the entrance, opening the door. I was very surprised at him because he is the god. "I am God." he said, but I couldn't still believe him so I said "Will you do me a favor." he said "Ok, what is your dream" "I want to be handsome and a lot of money to play with." He said "WORK" and disappeared.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2014 09:03
|
|
|
This one isn't technically ESL, but it's in the theme of language students loving up. My mother teaches Farsi and has lots of stories like these, but there's one that I always remember. (When trying to say that he comes from England) "I come from the land of bubbling poo poo" It turns out that in Farsi, "England" is "Ahngelestan" and "bubbling-poo poo land" is "Angoulestan". Both are pretty rough transliterations because I don't actually speak Farsi myself
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2014 10:47
|
|
|
A graduate student from somewhere in East Asia is studying in the Midwestern U.S., and hasn't become acclimated with the imperial system quite yet: Student 1: "I heard it's supposed to warm up tomorrow. Anyone know how warm it's gonna get?" Student 2: "Guy on the radio said it would be 75." ESL Student: "SEVENTY-FIVE?!?!?! WE WILL ALL DIE!"
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2014 12:21
|
|
|
I think my favorite quote so far from one of my students was in a short essay about a movie, "The romance between the woman he was pounding." She was trying to say that the romance between the main character and the love interest was heart-pounding, but I had a really hard time not laughing at that one.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2014 16:19
|
|
|
"He said to me 'my cat, he has gone up, help my cat,' so we found the trees and we got high."
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2014 16:31
|
|
|
AstroBravo posted:I was disgusted at her bumbling. Fantastic. To contribute, yesterday I was told by a student that I have a face like a raccoon. So there's that.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2014 23:39
|
|
|
joedevola posted:Fantastic. Are you sure they didn't mean "raccoons like your face?" A pleasant compliment if you ask me.
|
|
#
?
Sep 4, 2014 04:51
|
|
|
"Bringmyfishback-teacher, you are so beautiful. Your hair is the same color as my hamster."
|
|
#
?
Sep 4, 2014 05:06
|
|
|
Had some more good results recently. Choose a holiday and explain it. Eiperilfool is held on April 1. The day we may tell a lie. but I don't thik it. lying is very ver yvery but. I am very but becauce I have told a lie. So I disklike th eday. When I told a lie, I became wanted die. But I am living now. So I live the rest of my life. Have you ever volunteered? Tell me about your experience. I choose "clean city activity." It is hold every third Sunday in a month. I decided to join it because I found my city is very durty when I slept on the road. My town is like a Garbege town. Finish the story. Last Sunday, when I was reading a book at home, suddenly there was a knock on the door. When I opened the door. there was the demon. in front of the door. The demon ordered me to serve my blood. but I refused his order. He lost his calm, and He seemed very angry. I felt dangerous, so I run away fast as far as I could I awoke to find myself, and I laid on my bed. I opened the door there was my friend. He seemed to be hurry. He told me that I return money. So he come here because he rubbed his money. I rejected his order, and I escaped there place. After all I still have his money. The sum is 3000 yen. The woman standing at the door is my ex-girlfriend. She want to get along with me again. But I refused, Because I was no longer interested in her. I said what I thought to her. And suddenly, She picked my sciossors up from my desk. I managed to escape from her. I can't forget this memory. I opened the door. I was surprised very much. A terrible pervert stood there. He suddenly hit my head in a stiff stick. And I fell down at the entrance. The pervert came to my home to steal my property. When I noticed it was very dirty in my house. I was was very sad, and committed suicide. The accident conveyed as a case of the spells now. then... Powerpuff girls was standing! Girls are my loving character (I have liked them since kindergarten). Girls said to me "hurry up! we come to celebrate on your birthday." I didnt understand that happening but I followed them immidiately. I was taken powerpuff girls's house. So open the door... I was said "Happy Birthday to you!! ♡♡ Today is party! yappyyy ☆☆” I am very very happy then. I noticed that time. It was a dream... My mother is standing at the door. I hide my erostic [erotic] book. She come my room to clean. I was very shy. My mother was no emotion. I was panik! My mother out of my room. I was very sad. I want to die. I can't talk with my mother. I want to talk with my mother. Strange man entered my home. He has a knife. And he said "Don't move!" I was upset about that. He approach me and said "Give me your all money!" But I didn't give him money. I fighted him! I called police. And 10 minutes later, police man arrived. So strange man was arrested by police man.
|
|
#
?
Oct 23, 2014 01:20
|
|
|
Er, that "Finish the Story" prompt seems to be dragging up some stuff for your students.
|
|
#
?
Oct 23, 2014 02:04
|
|
|
At the end of class today, one of my smartest little students just started singing "Smooth Criminal". The kid is seven and knows more Michael Jackson than I do.
|
|
#
?
Oct 24, 2014 15:18
|
|
|
Haha oh my god the finish the story thing :|
|
|
#
?
Oct 24, 2014 17:59
|
|
|
This is absolutely my new favorite thread. For content, not quite ESL but Spanish has one of the best boomerang screwups. Inevitably when a (english or american)tourist or whatever messes up a word, they will try to laugh it off and say how "embarazada" they are. They then get really confused why this prompts laughter and/or a series of personal questions. Embarazada = pregnant
|
|
#
?
Oct 24, 2014 21:45
|
|
|
"Why are we should study grammar?"
|
|
#
?
Oct 27, 2014 01:36
|
|
|
VideoTapir posted:"Why are we should study grammar?" I think the only appropriate answer here is "yes".
|
|
#
?
Oct 27, 2014 01:44
|
|
|
I told her "that's why."
|
|
#
?
Oct 27, 2014 03:43
|
|
|
Since the students have returned from their school trip, we're writing thank-you letters to their homestay families. ☆彡 -I'll go back to Australia to see you someday. By the time I will be beautiful girl!! I will get a good man like Keeth. I'm your friend forever. -Japan is cold. I want not to go out of blunket. -I enjoyed seeing beafcow. -I'll never forgive all of you. I'll never forget all of you. -Thank you for understanding my nuclear English. unclear English A couple of the worst misspellings I have seen recently -We could eat delicias tyokorate iscleam. We could eat delicious chocolate ice cream. -We could explore unknown world, many animals, vast land, flesh flouts. fresh fruits -It was so fun seeing the Aboligeney Hesitate Museum. Aborigine Heritage Museum
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2014 06:52
|
|
|
Teaching older Russian dudes: "Okay, so you need to choose six people who you could have dinner with. Any six people, living or dead." "Sir, what about Arnold Schwarzenegger?" "Okay, sure." "Can I have Hitler?" "Um, sure. Why not." "Can I also have Sasha Grey?" That's gonna be a hell of a dinner party.
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2014 10:59
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 01:39 |
|
|
A student gave me a flyer about chemtrails today. I had already corrected the grammar and spelling before he told me he'd found it in town. I honestly couldn't decide whether it was better or worse than his usual.
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2014 22:16
|
|
