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Man all of these games so far are about dressing up and getting boyz. This stinks. Aren't there any that are a little more progressive? Hmmm, let's see. Oh, here's some "doctor" games. That sounds good. Let's just see what-  OH GOD SANTA WHY? 
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Jan 18, 2014 03:37
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Panzer Skank posted:
That's a cuticle trimmer. You are most likely supposed to use it to gouge out that opaque white area at the bottom of the nail.  I can't believe you don't know that, Panzer. And you call yourself a girl. For shame. 
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Jan 20, 2014 06:58
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Panzer Skank posted:Okay but like, I own cuticle trimmers, and they don't look like that! Also my first thought was maybe to do something to the cuticles or around the edges of the nail but nothing responds, so who knows. I'm not trying again. I am not scrubbing a lady's foot for this thread more than once. Fair enough. The only reason I recognized it was because my friend has a cuticle trimmer that looks exactly like that one. (Sans big tits of course)
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Jan 20, 2014 07:08
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MadScientistWorking posted:That is just the stereotypical old person in you breaching out. Legos are undeniably much more interesting and more entertaining than you could ever get back in the 1980s. It gets kind of weird because I can't even tell if some of the Lego lines are aimed at kids or adults. The Lego Architecture series is undeniably marketed towards adults. I already own three.  Also re: Lego sets; I was thumbing through a Lego catalogue and they were selling some kind of set for building a cargo ship and the description emphasized that the set contained "uncommon turquoise bricks!" So even though, yes, more Legos are being sold as "sets" there is still that encouragement towards taking bricks from that set to use in your own projects.
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Jan 21, 2014 19:58
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Some more of my adventures in games for gurlzz. This is becoming an obsession. First off is "Roman Lady Dress up", notable for letting you wear ALL THE CLOTHES. Whoever made it didn't bother to program checks to remove appropriate pieces of clothing when you put on other clothing. You can't tell in the below photo but I am wearing every single one of those tops. Simultaneously  "Help! There's been an explosion at the Jo-Ann Fabrics!" "Students' Water-Balloon Fight Makeover" wins the award for Single Worst Concept For a Makeover Game I've Ever Seen. Nothing goes better with large amounts of water than expensive dresses and makeup.  Then there's "Man Dress Up" which requires no more introduction or explanation than that. 
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Jan 22, 2014 02:19
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gegi posted:Clearly that ought to be a game where you throw water balloons full of makeup on moving targets, changing their appearance if you hit. I was hoping for that exact thing when I clicked on it. 
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Jan 22, 2014 02:42
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grancheater posted:It's 3AM I gave it my best Plllllllaydies. 
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Jan 22, 2014 07:43
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All right ladies, this thread needs a heapin' dose of testosterone, and the best person to do the job is me. And the best tool to do it with is dress up games for boys.   quote:Justin is a man who really loves to take exercise and keep fit. For this reason, he always goes to the gym. Besides, he’s a fashionable person, and he always attracts many others, especially girls. All of the girls love to have a boyfriend like him because he’s a good-looking man with blue eyes and a nice body. So do you want to select some nice clothes Justin, guys? Let’s come to Justin at Gym game now! With this game, players have to dress Justin up by using 8 available buttons. They include hair, top, bottom, jacket, shoes, bags, tools and background. The players can choose anything which they think that it’s suitable for Justin’s figure. Remember that selecting the most beautiful clothes is a necessary job to appeal to all of the girls at the gym. Let’s take time to play this cool game, guys! Have fun! ...what? What's with that look? Are you doubting the manfulness of these games? Well, nonbeliever, take a look at this:  Boom. How's that egg on your face treating ya? Now stow your vaginae in your purses and come with me. - First up we got one Cool Teacher.  quote:When Mr. Richie is around, everyone want to learn. He wants to have a great time with everybody, and he is cool, laid-back. To study the multiplication tables, this subject can be boring. This fun teacher will give you time to read your favorite book or reward you with a longer recess if you master them. You have to choose a special appearance for cool teacher by selecting accessories and clothes.  Man, this teacher is even cooler than Ferris Bueller. Also interesting/frightening to see an intro modeled after that nightmare I keep having. - Next is the only game I'm going to bother to link. http://dressupgamesforboys.net/view/80/aladdin-dressup.html It's an Aladdin dress-up game. It's mostly unremarkable except for the music, which is just fantastic. The music is this generic Arabian-y sounding song frequently punctuated by a guy with a really deep voice going "Oh yeah." like that loving song by Yello. - They also have plenty of superhero dress-up games (p.s. they are all terrible), including one that allows you to design your own hero as long as your ideal hero has an allergy to sensible outfits. And is a dude.  I call him Captain Tripping Hazard, do not steal. - Next up we have... um...  quote:It is nice to meet all of the players in the wonderful dress up game Pimp my Pimp! Their task is to dress Pimp up with the suitable clothes and other items in his wardrobe. This character is a hip-hip singer, and owns a special skin color. Thus, everything from top to toe is according to this style. He is going to appear in front of his fans with a strange appearance. The players are ready to play Pimp my Pimp, are not they? Try to click on the objects like some pairs of different trousers, shoes types, hats, necklaces, glasses, hairstyles, jackets, shirt, and so forth to drag these things to Pimp’s outside. To cover him with these ones, the players should drop the left mouse. Have fun! ummmmmmmm...  uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...  Nope. gently caress this, I'm done. dijon du jour fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Jan 24, 2014 |
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Jan 24, 2014 02:06
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Zoe posted:Is there anyway to figure out what country these games are made in? The way the description is worded just screams ESL to me, and then there's the...uh, everything else. Still racist as gently caress, but I'm guessing this is coming from a country where this kind of poo poo is still considered acceptable for some reason. The site I got these games from seem to write their own descriptions for the games it hosts (most of the descriptions are hilarious, btw. I highly recommend clicking through the site to read some of them) but isn't responsible for making the games themselves. I couldn't dig up much on the actual creators because smallestgames.com won't load for me, unfortunately. I did, however, find out that their server is hosted by Dsc Enterprises in Georgia and they also made another game called Pimp My Pope.  Devious Vacuum posted:God drat it, I got scooped on My Cool Teacher!!! You'll still see that game in a later episode though, repetition be damned. In the video you could probably show off the actual dress-up portion better than I did i.e. at all. I just watched the dude's clothes slowly fade away in front of a classroom full of students, looked at his tiny package, and said "Okay, limit reached." Besides that, it was the kind of dress-up game I really don't like. You know, the kind where you press buttons to cycle through all the options rather than clicking and dragging.
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Jan 24, 2014 06:21
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Vifs posted:What have you done to me! We have made you beautiful. Thou shalt be the vessel through which we bring Shoezo, god of fashion, blessed be her accessories, into this this world to deliver us unto her walk-in closet and cleanse this world of the blight of the unfashionable.
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Jan 24, 2014 18:15
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Hey, if DeVacuum is taking requests for themed videos, might I suggest "plus-sized games"? I was originally going to do a little showcase of dress-up games not featuring the rail-thin models we've seen so far, but searching for "plus sized dress up game" and "fat dress up game" brought up a lot more results than I expected, enough to fill a video I think.   Spoiler alert: the only one worth your time is Every Girl's Plus Sized Dress Up Game. 
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Jan 27, 2014 15:10
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Testicle posted:That woman is plus sized? Like the other person said, even if its on the low end of "plus sized", its still at least refreshing to see a character in a dress up game that isn't rail-thin like Barbie, Bratz, Monster High, or whatever the hell this thing is:  (Notice it has the title "A Curvy Young Woman". Curvy  )If it makes you feel any better, their are some games with "plus-ier" plus-sized women in them. Here's one from the higher end you'll see in these games:  Innovacious posted:fake edit: I could not stop myself, I went and played it to make this gif real edit: Remember; this is your reward for beating the game. Congratulations, here's some doll poop! 
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Jan 27, 2014 22:15
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maybe?
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Jan 29, 2014 21:12
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Here's a little piece of inexplicable copyright infringement I found on my travels.   Yup, it's Critter Crunch sprites! I dunno what the rest of the sprites are, but they're probably stolen from something as well. Nope, I have no idea why they used those sprites. It's not like they were advertising this game as "Critter Crunch Flash" or "Critter Crunch: Kritter Kissing" like these games usually do when they steal assets or properties for their low-effort click bait. dijon du jour fucked around with this message at 21:12 on Jan 30, 2014 |
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Jan 30, 2014 21:08
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Ugh. I'm currently trapped inside as a snowstorm blows outside. What I could use is a tropical vacation. Perhaps even a Tropical Spa Day? Oh wow, what a coincidence.  Our spa day is already off to a bad start as we rub Smooze all over our face. Or maybe it's supposed to be grape jelly? I'm not sure which option is worse, honestly.  Now goes on the banana mush. Have you noticed the theme of this game yet?  Next comes green... pineapple? Okay. and kiwi slices. Nothing like highly acidic kiwi juice in your eyes. It'll keep 'em nice and tender.  Of course we then have to jelly up the eyebrows. This is obviously very important.  Also important is the ceremonial plucking of the eyebrows.  Next we turn her over and liberally rub with blueberry compote. Leave to soak in for 15 minutes then wipe off any excess.  Cover in watermelon juice and let soak for another 10 minutes. Not only will this impart a subtle flavor of watermelon to the meat it will also help prevent the meat from drying out during cooking.   Now cover with orange slices so zat they can impart zeir own flavor upon ze meat and wrap ze whole thing in parchment paper.  Place on a baking sheet and cook in a 400 degree oven for about ten minute.  Ten Minutes Later  Eet eez finally cooked and it smells wonderful. Now we just have to remove eet from ze parchment.   Aah magnifique. Notice how ze parchment created a steam chamber keeping ze meat meat moist and tender troo cooking and ze hair has maintained eets body and bounce. Not even ze makeup has run in ze high heat.  Bon appétit and happy cooking!  *theme song*
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Feb 1, 2014 00:25
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You know, it's probably a good thing Devious Vacuum didn't play Mario: LIP on the stream, because I forgot how loving tedious the game is to play, goddamn. You only have one life and the bar fills up excruciatingly slow, to boot. You dodged an extremely poorly drawn bullet this time, D-Vac.  She did miss Mario and Peach being interviewed by Oprah, though.  Here's Oprah's animation in the stage. (In convenient avatar size, if anyone for some reason wants an avatar of an off-putting Oprah) 
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Feb 1, 2014 03:20
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Well, I'm currently working on another hefty content post in between schoolwork, so for now I'll just post this "ad" I made for the thread which I considered not posting since art is not my strong suit but I worked hard on this lovely joke so eeeeuuuuugh whatever. I immediately regret my decision.
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Feb 5, 2014 02:37
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I might consider Dating Games as a later topic to explore, if I ever finish my current one. My research so far has taken a week off my life and given me enough material for at least two posts, and I'm only a little over halfway through the list from one website.  I think I'm going to have to make some painful cuts at some point. Curse these games for loving up so consistently and in such an amusing variety of ways! I also have an... idea brewing for something to make for this thread after this current game showcase I'm working on. What I'm trying to say is someone please do dating games so I don't have to please god I beg of you.  Also I'd like to thank D-Vac for finding some actually really good dress-up games. Those are really cool and fun and it's nice to have a reminder that there are actually some well done "girl games" out there. 
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Feb 6, 2014 20:22
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Lowly posted:I also have to say I think I met get the appeal of the facial part of the games. One thing I like about some of the time management/city builder games is the ability to take a messy or run down area and clean it up and transform it into something nice. I personally get a lot of satisfaction out of tidying up, organizing and beautifying a space, it's just the way my brain works, so I can see getting the same satisfaction out of taking a messy looking face and neatening it up. Unfortunately you are also absorbing the terrible message it sends as you do that. Speaking of which... You guys remember the movie Shrek, right? Remember how its message was that you should love and be yourself without trying to conform to other peoples' standards? Yeah, gently caress that, let's give Fiona a makeover.  Also it's only been a month or so but there's already a dress-up game based off Frozen. http://www.starsue.net/game/Elsa-The-Snow-Queen.html  The background music seemed suspiciously high quality for this type of game ("high quality" being "anything but a five-second loop that's just drums") and I finally managed to find the source which is a song called Little Me by some group I've never heard of.  There is an approximately 0% chance that the site got the license to use this song in its game.
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Feb 7, 2014 22:04
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This post is brought to you by Girl Gamz. The z is how you know these gams are coooollllllzzzz ---------------------------------------------------- Cooking. As the game Fried Little Onion Ring puts it, “all girls like spending time on the kitchen and cook something tasty and delicious.” I should know, there’s nothing my gal pals love more than mixing up something scrumptious in the kitchen.  Oh wait, no. They all hate cooking and I’m the only one who can be trusted in the kitchen to not poison everyone. ANYWAY. “Games that purport to teach you how to cook” is one of the largest genres of Girl Games, right up there alongside dress-up games and makeover games. There are even entire sites dedicated solely to these types of games. There are hundreds upon hundreds of these games, and they all fail in the same, easily avoidable ways. I cannot stress enough how completely most of these games fail at their intended purpose, and I will be doing so many times over the course of this post. The first and most obvious problem is the “learning to cook” angle. That is, you’re not going to learn poo poo. If you’re lucky, the game will provide you a copy of the recipe they stole from Food Network. If you’re not lucky the best you can hope for is “a bowl of flour” and “a spoonful of baking soda”,  (What the Christ is “Weizeu Mehl”?) I also can’t help but doubt the creators of these games’ culinary knowledge.  Pasta: a notoriously unfilling food. But enough talk. It’s time to…  Or else!  This one starts out as many of them do; by making us rummage through the pantry. At least I think it’s the pantry? Either they’re keeping their milk and cheese in the pantry or their bananas in the fridge, and I’m not sure which possibility I find more offensive.  Whoops, I think we lost two eggs in the transition there. Anywho, this part is just pouring stuff in the bowl in order. What? Nah, you don’t need measuring cups. Baking isn’t all about precise measurements and poo poo. Just pour it straight out of the bag. It’ll be fine.  Add in the eggs.  Don’t forget to leave one egg alive to spread the tale of your terrifying might.  Ooh, it even gives us a choice of cake pan. Obviously I pick the heart. This is the Girl Games Thread, after all.   Aah, the ubiquitous microwave oven. This strange contraption appears in every single one of these cooking games. It’s the most inexplicable thing about all these games. Have these people never heard of a conventional oven? Are tiny microwave-sized ovens an actual thing that exists? Who is making all of these thousands of games? Is this where they imagined themselves when they got into the video game business? Am I ever going to fulfill my dreams? Do my friends actually like me or are they only pretending because they pity me? If I ever had to kill someone, will I have the guts to do it? Is there any reason for living, or is life just an endless parade of Girl Games? Will I be able to finally go to the grocery store and get some juice, or is it going to snow forever until I die from juice deprivation?  Whoo, sorry about that. Unconventional kitchen appliances send me to dark places. This game also gives us the ability to decorate the cake we made, as well as two other cakes that appeared out of the ether. The options are kind of anemic, but still more plentiful than a lot of people dress-up games I’ve played.  I tried making Hell Cake, but there was no severed head topper option, so I had to settle for the decorations that kind of look like little faces. Lame. Alright, coming up next on our list is GAH!  Oh god I can’t see the spirit of the American Dream is possessing me arglblrgrlg!  That’s… not much better.   This little number is nothing but clicking on things that you’re told to click on and watching far-too-long animations. The only real challenge comes from grappling with the shoddy click detection and trying not to go blind from the patriotism.   Cheese? Cheese!? CHEESE!? loving CHEESE?! Are you making GBS threads me game? Alright. Okay. Calm down. It’s probably just cream cheese. Yeah, that’s what they meant…  That is not a cream cheese color. No that is loving queso dip right there.   You can cover it up with whipped cream and raspberries, baldy, but you can’t erase your sin.  Good job. You are now all complicit in what has transpired here. Let’s continue this theme of “things that shouldn’t be on desserts” with…  Life Hack: Got old shoes that don’t fit anymore? Turn them into a unique cake topper that’s fun and appropriate for any occasion!  Oh, it’s just a cake dress-up game. Man, at least Enjoy Your Love Cake had some token baking beforehand. Also, notice that little girl walking back-and-forth in the background? If you accidentally click on her (and you will because she walks in front of the things you’re trying to click on) it opens up a link to a website. This is the only dress-up game I’ve ever seen with moving obstacles.  NEXT. Next up is one I’ll admit I’m looking forward to.  I love fruity pastries, and I’ve never had apple strudel before. A tragedy, I know.   First step, simple enough, we gotta’ cut up some apples. Can’t make apple strudel without cutting a few apples , my grandma always used to say. (My grandma never actually said that, to my knowledge.) Just steady the apple on the cutting board and…  Chop! Heh. Wh-… What are you all looking at? What are you looking at me for? S- Stop it.  Stop! Quit it! Why are you looking at me like that! Why- Wait. I-Is it the apple? Is that what-? Oh. Wait. Oh god. Oh my god I’m so sorry.  I didn’t realize. I-I-I was just trying to make- I mean I was just following- I mean, please, you have to forgive me. I didn’t know what I was doing! It was just a mistake! That’s all it was! A terrible, awful mistake!  NO! PLEASE! STOP IT! GET AWAY FROM ME! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! IT HURTS! IT HURTS SO BAD! I’M SORRY! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!? WHAT DO YOU WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 
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Feb 8, 2014 11:00
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Tiggum posted:What's wrong with keeping bananas in the fridge? Singing bananas have never led me astray before and I don't expect them to do so any time soon.
dijon du jour fucked around with this message at 08:10 on Feb 12, 2014 |
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Feb 12, 2014 08:00
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Here is Devious Vacuum on her average workday.
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Feb 13, 2014 03:17
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Killrrhubarb posted:
 Bullying is a serious issue.
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Feb 13, 2014 20:44
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Killrrhubarb posted:So I went back to Love Tester and decided to try two other power couples: You forgot one.   It was always meant to be.
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Feb 14, 2014 00:27
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Nihilarian posted:
I'm guessing you don't remember the PSP commercials? The racist squirrels? Ringing any bells? I can't be surprised at that ad. Sony handheld commercials are completely terrible to a suspicious degree.Like, either somebody in the handheld division pissed of someone in the marketing division, or Sony is trying to pull a Springtime for Hitler.
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Feb 19, 2014 18:20
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Devious Vacuum posted:
Dvac, you are worse at handling women's clothes than a 16-year-old virgin with ten thumbs. And trying to dump culpability on your mouse, too. Only a poor fashionista blames her tools. 
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Feb 20, 2014 07:09
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BEAUTIFUL CAR! 
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Devious Vacuum posted:Don't do this. The proper term is "3D waifus" and men. 
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Feb 23, 2014 00:57
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Devious Vacuum posted:You are correct in your interpretation about the difference between sex and gender. Transgender is the appropriate word to use, however, because other people's privates are none of your business. Actually the popular term nowadays is just "trans", or "trans woman/trans man" if the situation really calls for specifics.
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Feb 23, 2014 01:48
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The_White_Crane posted:The massage game reminded me of a theory I once had about fashion magazines: they all end with a depraved cannibalistic feast where the women eat the men.  http://i.imgur.com/81Xv4Sz.jpg?1VVVVVVV A'ight. Here, I'll even link to the rest of the comic. dijon du jour fucked around with this message at 21:18 on Feb 28, 2014 |
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Feb 28, 2014 21:14
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haplesscardsharp posted:Is that making fun of people who fat shame, or is it making fun of people who are anorexic? I can't tell, because it clearly has the "don't be anorexic" after school message vibe, but then the end makes it seem like anorexia is a joke. Is this just Pewdiepie's newest gimmic: Anorexia "jokes"? I dunno. I always thought it was intended to be a generic spooky "Remember that girl you shunned for whatever reason well now she's back and she's going to eeeeeeeeeat youuuuu! OOoOOOoOoO!" story. You see a similar sort of tale in a lot of horror movies.
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Feb 28, 2014 21:32
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Someone versed in anatomy please do one of those drawings where you draw out a character's skeleton structure. That girl's physique is just screaming for one of those, on top of the screaming that usually occurs when she's around.
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Mar 4, 2014 22:19
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Devious Vacuum posted:
Yikes, looks like she's got a pretty bad case of rickets there. And dat spine.  (This is great, by the way.)
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Mar 5, 2014 01:12
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Devious Vacuum posted:Going back to Long Live the Queen, we (the player) are meant to protect the princess, not identify with her. The same could be said of Tomb Raider, apparently. "Executive producer of recent Tomb Raider reboot Ron Rosenberg posted:"When people play Lara, they don't really project themselves into the character," At least they were upfront about it.
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Mar 15, 2014 20:41
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Aw man, I just went back to Dress Up Fat Girl and it isn't working for me either. Now all that we have left of Dress Up Fat Girl is this solitary screenshot I took long ago. Awe-inspiring. Pretty sure there were supposed to be five hairstyles there, and this was taken on my first run where two of them flew off the screen. And while I'm here I might as post this piece of an update that never was because school completely truncated all my free time. I spent multiple hours on this poo poo. Multiple. I'll be damned if someone other than me doesn't see it.  What was going to be the context for this? The world may never know.  e: And why not here's a Monster High Burger. Notice the complete lack of hamburger patty.  Yeah, girls, I know you wanted meat on your burgers but how else are you going to keep that rail-thin, Monster High physique? e2: Oh poo poo I just realized I accessorized my post about a fat girl dress-up game with food. I have become the girl game. dijon du jour fucked around with this message at 06:08 on Apr 6, 2014 |
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Apr 6, 2014 06:01
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