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HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine


It's time for a new season of Survivor! This time it's newbies only, so let's hope it's a good one or we'll be having returners every season until the show gets cancelled.
Season premiere is February 26th.

The twist of the season is that there are three tribes: Brains, Brawn and Beauty.




Beauty tribe

Youngest: 21 (two castaways)
Oldest: 34 (two castaways)
Average: 26.5


Alexis Maxwell
Age: 21
Addison, IL
Occupation: Student, Northwestern University, Psychology
Personal claim to fame: Studying abroad in Ireland and visiting eight different countries while I was there. It made me more independent, adventurous and responsible.
Pet Peeves: Guys who turn into “Stage five clingers” and people who blow their nose in public.
Reason for Being on Survivor: My dad! He loves the show so much and would kill to be on it. I’m playing for both of us.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/alexis_maxwell
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNrhpYHyFLg
Considers herself a brain in a beauty disguise. Gonna use her 3 months of psychology studies to influence the game. Might even be an actual fan!


Brice Johnston
Age: 27
Philadelphia, PA
Occupation: Social worker/Shoe salesman
Personal claim to fame: Being the only person from my immediate family to graduate college.
Reason for Being on Survivor: I love the show and I’ve been watching it for years. It has been a lifelong dream to be on Survivor.
Do You Consider Yourself a Brain, a Beauty or a Brawn?: I would consider myself the package deal. I’m very easy on the eyes (beauty). I’m college educated, have common sense, am very socially aware and have street smarts (brains). Plus, I consider myself to be physically fit; I’m a natural born runner (brawn). So I’m a three for one kind of deal.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/BriceIzyah
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hp929t_treU
Probably very annoying. On the other hand he's a huge fan, so that's a big plus.


Jefra Bland
Age: 22
Campbellsville, Ky
Occupation: Miss Kentucky Teen USA (yup), professional second place finisher (doubtfully in this game though).
Personal claim to fame: Winning the title of Miss Kentucky Teen USA 2009 and making the Top 15 at Miss Teen USA. Beat cervical cancer.
Pet Peeves: People who have bad teeth and smack their gum.
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: Chelsea Meissner as far as being a country girl and Kim Spradlin when it comes to being ballsy with big moves.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JefraBland
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAuVSkv6ZHY
Likely recruited. As bland as her name, first boot material.


Jeremiah Wood
Age: 34
Dobson, N.C.
Occupation: Male model
Personal claim to fame: Buying my first house on my own.
Hobbies: Fishing, hunting and slow-pitch softball.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/JeremiahPWood
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX8SDwosz3U
A true outdoorsman, which should work in his favour. Might be the next JT if he has half a brain inside that pretty head. I like him.


LJ McKanas
Age: 34
Boston, Mass.
Occupation: Horse trainer
Personal claim to fame: Making the Hall of Fame at Northeastern University and my high school.
Do You Consider Yourself a Brain, a Beauty or a Brawn?: I’d consider myself a Brawn. I’m a down-to-earth, rugged guy who is not afraid to get his hands dirty. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and brains seem to be smarts lacking the physical abilities. You can be brawny and good-looking and we have a brain.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/LJMcKanas
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W99NP_aDIMQ#t=95
Another outdoorsman/athlete, also seems to be quite intelligent. Claims to be a puzzle freak. A dreamboat zen horse trainer who might be a contender.


Morgan McLeod
Age: 21
San Jose, CA
Occupation: Ex-NFL Cheerleader, Student at SJSU.
Personal claim to fame: I am most proud of being selected to the cheerleading squad for the San Francisco 49ers while still in high school.
Pet Peeves: Slow drivers, guys leaving the toilet seat up, when people fish for compliments, terrible pickup lines.
If You Could Have 3 Things on The Island What Would They Be and Why?: A razor because hairy legs are not cute, a camera to document my adventure, and my iPhone so I can Instagram and Facebook when I am bored.
Reason for Being on Survivor: The chance to experience a once in a lifetime journey and to show everyone that just because I have huge boobs and a pretty face does not mean I am dumb, it just means I look better when I am winning. (ok this is a pretty hilarious answer)
Twitter: https://twitter.com/_morganmcleod
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNpelNjLr90
Ok I was wrong about Ms. Bland, Morgan is the real first boot.


Brains tribe

Youngest: 21
Oldest: 45
Average age: 33.67


Spencer Bledsoe
Age: 21
Chicago, Ill.
Occupation: Economics Student at the University of Chicago
Personal claim to fame: Captain of my high school cross country and track teams, Georgia’s 2009-2010 High School Chess Champion, tying for 1st at the World Open Chess tournament for a prize of $6,609 and becoming a U.S. Chess Expert.
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: The cleverness and strategic planning of Stephen, but the personality of Marty. Like Marty, I am a natural leader and can come off as pompous or bombastic. Also, I shared Marty’s disdain for Jane on S21.
Do You Consider Yourself a Brain, a Beauty or a Brawn?: A Brain, in both life and Survivor super fandom. I’ve seen every episode. I know the game inside and out. I’ll know what I’m doing in camp life; I could probably even build a shelter just using rocks. When my body is withered and I’m left with only my t-shirt and tighty whities, I won’t be a little boy out there. I’ll rely on my mind.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SpencerBGM
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psX3-rFxjqY
Second ever chess grandmaster on Survivor. Maybe he turns out to be a Heidik -level sociopath mastermind? Or maybe he turns out to be an annoying smug sperglord. Dunno, only time will tell.


David Samson
Age: 45
Plantation, FL
Occupation: President, Miami Marlins
Personal claim to fame: Got local government in Miami to contribute over 350 million dollars to a new baseball park during the recession.
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: Boston Rob. He won the game before others thought it had started.
Why You Think You Will Be the Sole Survivor: I always win, because people underestimate me.
Do You Consider Yourself a Brain, a Beauty or a Brawn? I consider myself 60% brain, 35% beauty and 5% brawn. While I have been able to accomplish certain athletic feats like being the only Team President to complete the Ironman World Championship in Hawaii, those feats are generally more a test of the mind than the body. The very hardest thing to accomplish is to convince your brain to keep going when your body is telling you to stop. I have been able to control my brain to maximize whatever talents I may have both on and off the field.
Twitter: Too cool for tweeter.
Meet the cast video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vM7uLyPiEY
Seems like a smarmy shitlord, but has a lot of things going for him. First head of state to play Survivor.


Garrett Adelstein
Age: 27
Santa Monica, CA
Occupation: High stakes poker player
Personal claim to fame: Being valedictorian of my high school class of over 500 students; graduating Summa Cum Laude with Honors at The University of Arizona.
Inspiration in Life: No specific inspirations. I try and model my life after people who are willing to dedicate their lives to a skill and thus excel at the highest level in that field.
Reason for Being on Survivor: Win enough money to impress girls in LA; self-growth as I will be forced to deal with extreme circumstances in a way I never imagined possible.
Why You Think You Will Be the Sole Survivor: Dedicated 2,000 hours in preparing for the strategic, social and physical elements of Survivor. Did everything from 50 hours of yoga, to over-analyzing every episode, to mastering slide puzzles to ready myself. I essentially devoted my entire life to preparing for this adventure for the previous 6 months.
Do You Consider Yourself a Brain, a Beauty or a Brawn and Why?: I’ll go with the modest answer and say all three. I’ll probably be one of the physically strongest, most intelligent and my mom says I’m very handsome to boot.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GarrettAdelstei
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7QamMuNRg0
I have high hopes for Garrett, but he'll probably let me down. Might be too smug for his own good. I like the dude.


J’Tia Taylor
Age: 31
Chicago, Ill.
Occupation: Nuclear engineer/ex-model
Personal claim to fame: Passing my dissertation defense, because I was the expert on the subject matter and held my own against my professors, and being the first black female to successfully defend and receive a PhD from the department.
Hobbies: Watching movies, reading and playing strategic games.
Pet Peeves: Ignorant, close-minded people, being late/off schedule, and chunks in food/drinks (e.g. rocky road ice cream).
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: Richard Hatch. He played the game authentically and originally since he had no precedence, and was true to who he was.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JTiaPhD (yup, that's PHD in her tweeter handle)
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptUVsUc2K_o
:geno:


Kassandra “Kass” McQuillen
Age: 41
Tehachapi, CA.
Occupation: Attorney
Personal claim to fame: My daughter, putting myself through law school while working full-time, and winning $1.2 million in my first trial with no court experience.
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: Sandra, she didn’t seem to be in it for anything but winning money for her family.
Who Do You Think Has the Best Chance in the Game of Survivor: Brains, Beauty or Brawn? I’m guessing Brains because I plan to win while not caring how I look and quite possibly sucking at challenges.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/KassMcQ
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBTiW785RQM
Never missed an episode of Survivor. Going to tell people she's an animal handler - but what would an animal handler be doing in the brains tribe? I have a feeling your cunning plan won't work.


Latasha “Tasha” Fox
Age: 37
St Louis, MO
Occupation: Certified Public Accountant
Personal claim to fame: Being a former St. Louis Rams cheerleader.
Pet Peeves: People biting down on the fork as it leaves their mouths, bad breath and panty lines.
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: Ozzy, due to his physical play, and Sandra, who did what she had to do to win and not be apologetic.
Do You Consider Yourself a Brain, a Beauty or a Brawn? I consider myself a Brainy Beauty with a Brawny physique because of my intelligence, inner and outer beauty, biceps and physical strength.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/missfoxytasha
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgaT4Slz6Zo
Might be a dark horse.


Brawn tribe

Youngest: 29 (three castaways)
Oldest: 48
Average: 36.67


Cliff Robinson
Age: 46
Newark, N.J.
Occupation: Former NBA All-Star
Personal claim to fame: Playing 18 years in the NBA. (Played for the Portland Trail Blazers, Phoenix Suns, Detroit Pistons, Golden State Warriors and New Jersey Nets)
Why You Think You’ll “Survive” Survivor: I know how to fish, cook, and have good athleticism.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/UncleCliffy30
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTUahrz_65o
Seems to be dumb as bricks. He's James 2.0, kept around for challenges and then quickly booted after the merge.


Lindsey Ogle
Age: 29
Kokomo, IN
Occupation: Hairstylist/Bartender
Personal claim to fame: Rising above all obstacles with a smile, by myself.
Pet Peeves: Incapable people, party poopers and when people don’t tell you that you have something in your teeth.
Why You Think You Will Be the Sole Survivor: I have overcome major resistance and challenges by myself. I am a fighter and there’s no limit to what I can do for my baby.
Twitter: Too cool for tweeter
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftwOHgmSPdE


Sarah Lacina
Age: 29
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Occupation: Police officer
Personal claim to fame: I’m most proud of graduating college in four years.
Pet Peeves: I hate when I can hear people chew their food, when people leave me voicemails (I’ll call you back if I don’t answer) and stupid people.
Why You Think You Will Be the Sole Survivor: I have the brains and skills to dominate this game. I’m very strategic and determined. I interview people on a daily basis and get confessions. I will destroy this game.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/sarahlacina
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66KKqOixj9A
Her interview sounds like :effort:, doesn't sound very passionate.


Tony Vlachos
Age: 39
Jersey City, N.J.
Occupation: Police officer
Personal claim to fame: Becoming a Jersey City police officer.
Twitter: Too cool for tweeter
Pet Peeves: Thugs who wear skinny jeans. :lol:
If You Could Have 3 Things on The Island What Would They Be and Why?: Cigarettes, coffee and liquor. I don’t smoke or drink coffee or liquor, but I would love to bring those items with me just so that I can barter with my tribemates!
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: Russell Hantz, because I can be just as devious. Boston Rob, because I can be just as slick.
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1v1No-XTIQ
I like his attitude, he seems be a really fun guy to watch. I hope he stays around.


Trish Hegarty
Age: 48
Needham, MA
Occupation: Pilates trainer
Personal claim to fame: My children
Inspiration in Life: Helen Keller was an Earth Angel that taught the world a whole new language in touch and opened our eyes to the power of sense and created the gateway to what we now call special needs. (:wtc:)
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: I relate to Danni Boatwright. She played a true and honest game. She crushed the challenges and her social skills were top notch.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TrishHegarty
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G81zCHlpfzY
Going to be very annoying.


Yung “Woo” Hwang
Age: 29
Newport Beach, CA
Occupation: Martial Arts Instructor, Personal trainer, Surf instructor
Personal claim to fame: Graduating College
Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: With my martial arts experience, my game is very strong, humble, grateful and respectful, much like Ozzy.
Why You Think You Will Be the Sole Survivor: This game was made for me! I’m smart and can play a great social game. People tend to like me. I’m fast and agile. I’ll do great in obstacle course challenges. I have undeniable focus and concentration and I’ll smash the competition in balancing challenges. I can swim well and climb coconut trees. I am SURVIVOR!
Twitter: https://twitter.com/YungWoo23
Meet the cast video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6iBTcCnkSY
Cool dude.

That's it!

Personally I think the cast looks really good and fun. It looks like there are hardly any recruits and almost everyone claims to be a superfan. I feel it's going to be a great season.

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HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
Newbie guide by Occupation:

SURVIVOR NEWBIES GUIDE

HELP I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THIS 'SURVIVOR' PLEASE INFORM ME OF WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT

Welcome to the Survivor thread. Inside, we discuss the current season of Survivor; usually, bitch about how this season isn't very good; and, fondly remember, and argue about the relative quality of, previous seasons of Survivor: probably the greatest reality competition show ever except for maybe Amazing Race or Top Chef.

Survivor's premise: A group of 18 to 20 or so contestants, from all walks of life, are stuck on a (usually tropical) remote paradise and forced to live together for 39 days; gathering their own food, building their own shelter, and purifying their own water. Most of the time (but not always) they group is split into two opposing, equal teams, called tribes. (Some seasons have more than two tribes-as many as four- but no matter how many tribes there are, each tribe has the same number of contestants at the start.) The tribes must work together to form a community, in the hopes of one contestant becoming the Sole Survivor and winning one million dollars.

A typical Survivor season has three "phases", all of differing lengths.

  • Pre-merge: The first half of the season (or so). Roughly 6-9 episodes long. As of late, the merge has occurred during the seventh episode. The merge is almost always whenever 12 or 10 people remain in the game. The two(sometimes more) tribes face off twice each episode: First for reward, and second for immunity.

    • Reward challenge: The reward challenge is usually for a basic necessity that the tribes need to survive on the island. As an example, fishing gear is a common early reward, as it allows the winning tribe to be able to hunt for crucial protein. Rice is another common early reward- a simple carb is essential to, well, living. Generally early game rewards are not that crucial to win the game or gain a decisive advantage against the opposing team, with two major exceptions.

      The first reward challenge is usually for flint and steel, a necessity so the tribe can have fire for heat the ability to cook their food. More importantly, however, a fire allows the winning tribe the ability to boil water, which is necessary in the climates they are usually at to not get a disease from the presumably infected water. (Usually people don't drink any water before they can boil it, so dehydration is a major factor in tribe strength).

      Secondly, at some point, usually two or three episodes in, a reward challenge will have a tarp as the reward. This is the other major, major necessity to tribe strength; a tarp keeps the rainwater out of whatever shelter the tribe builds and keeps the tribe both relatively warm and not wet (pneumonia is always a major concern), while secondarily keeping them fit for immunity challenges.

    • Immunity challenge: If one tribe wins immunity, they are safe from elimination at the end of the episode (called "Tribal Council") and win the Immunity Idol. The team that loses must, that night, travel to the "Tribal Council Area" and vote out one of their members. Play then continues as normal.

  • Post-merge: After about 6-9 episodes, so when about half of the players of the game remain, the game features a "merge". The two tribes are no more and form one tribe, with a different color buff and name. Reward challenges now are for one person and one person only. However, they're usually allowed to pick guests to share in or go along with them- which introduces an entirely new layer of strategy to the game. Immunity challenges are now for an immunity necklace, not idol, only able to be worn by one tribe member- the winner, obviously. Whoever wears the immunity necklace at the next tribal council cannot be voted for. Immunity necklaces can be given by the winner to another player, making the gifted player immune to the vote.

  • End game: Once 5-7 players or so remain, the show reaches the End game phase. Usually the very strong core alliances are shaken up here as people try to reach the end or placate the jury.

    See, the thing that makes Survivor unique is that there's a jury. When the final three people remain, the last 9 eliminated players get called back as the Jury, wherein they're allowed to grill, yell at, quiz, comment about or whatever the hell they want to do to the final three remaining contestants. This is during the appropriately titled Final Tribal Council, (early seasons had 2 remaining contestants and 7 people on the jury) after which the jury for the player they want to win the million dollars and the title of Sole Survivor.

Man this show sounds complicated.

Nah it really isn't. It's basically Lying: The Game; the players attempt to form alliances that are strong enough so that whenever they're forced to vote someone out, their names aren't on the chopping block. Usually this is done via lying and manipulation. That's basically it. The genius of the show is the jury: the jury makes it so regardless of how well an individual player does, if they're a cutthroat, lying, evil, bastard who makes life hell for everyone else they won't win the money (cough cough Russell). Therefore, a major part of the show is being able to appease and placate people who will eventually end up eliminated, usually by the player him or herself. It creates a HUGE strategy component to the game and is why the show is so unique and awesome.

When does this show air

Usually twice a year, two seasons: Once during September (usually runs for about 15 episodes, ends around Christmas), and once during February (also runs for about 15 episodes, ending mid-May). Both seasons of Survivor that air in a television season are usually filmed-back-to-back and more recently, in the same location to save on location filming.

Oh this show sounds rad what should I watch

The "recommended" watch order of the "best" seasons of Survivor, if you have a shitload of time and want to watch the show arc and become more and more strategic over time: Borneo (season 1), Australia (season 2), Marquesas (season 4), The Amazon (season 6), Pearl Islands (season 7), All-Stars (season 8), Vanuatu (season 9), Palau (season 10), Guatemala (season 11), Panama (season 12), Cook Islands (season 13), China (season 15), Micronesia- Fans v. Favorites (season 16), Tocantins (season 18), Samoa (season 19), Heroes v. Villains (season 20), Redemption Island (season 22), Philippines (season 25).

Why:

  • Borneo- First ever season, almost like a documentary, Hatch makes up a ton of rules of the game that are still used to this day
  • Australia- First season that really resembles modern Survivor with alliances and backstabbing and strategy focus, "The Fire"
  • Marquesas- First appearance of Boston Rob (probably the most famous Survivor player ever), shows why everyone in subsequent seasons never, ever wanted to engineer a tie for any reason- this is important because a ton of subsequent seasons has people break alliances or vote against a really solid alliance they have just to avoid a tie and it seems really stupid, but Marquesas' tiebreaker challenge really indelibly left a mark on all future Survivor votes
  • The Amazon- Has one of the smartest players to ever play the game (Rob C), first ever appearance of someone giving an immunity necklace to someone else
  • Pearl Islands- Amazing cast, Johnny fuckin' Fairplay, and a bunch of really memorable scenes makes up for one of if not the shittiest twist in Survivor history.
  • All-Stars- First season with more than two tribes (had three tribes). First ever All-Star season, Boston Rob's play is absolutely brilliant (engineering a Final Tribal Council where he couldn't lose has never been done before or since), seeing all the biggest personalities back for the first time is new and exciting. The only real problem is the FTC ending up to be one of the bitterest in Survivor history. Friendships are literally destroyed over this season's final tribal.
  • Vanuatu- One of the best, most strategic underdog plays ever, with a 1 v. 6 final seven somehow ending in the 1 winning the game. Besides that, kinda mediocre overall but Chris' play is good enough to make this season great. Has the vertical maze, though, one of the most memorable immunity challenges ever.
  • Palau- The first and only time in Survivor history where a tribe doesn't end up winning a single immunity challenge. Therefore, features the worst tribe of all time. Schadenfreudian pleasure in watching the Charlie Browniest team ever get increasingly miserable. In my opinion the best, and most insane, final immunity challenge in Survivor history- goes on for twelve loving hours.
  • Guatemala- First season that has two returning players in the cast (a fixture of later seasons). First appearance of the incredibly weak and useless hidden immunity idol.
  • Panama- First season with four tribes. Features Cirie, one of the most strategic players ever. First appearance of Exile Island, wherein the tribe that wins the immunity challenge sends a member of another tribe to a remote location to fend for themselves with minimal supplies. After that...eh.
  • Cook Islands- All four tribes are divided by race. Features the first and only appearance of the revamped, completely overpowered hidden immunity idol, which results in the best immunity idol play ever. Features Yul, Penner (two of the most strategic players ever) Ozzy, (one of the all-around strongest competitors in Survivor history) who turns out to be a fixture of later seasons (and an annoying loving twat, but whatever). Also features Parvati, who sucks this season but would later turn out to be a manipulative genius in later seasons. Also features the first usage of a final three tribal council over a final two, and a nine-person jury over a seven-person jury.
  • China- Unique location, great challenges, totally different tone to the season- and first appearance of Amanda, an amazingly strong all-around player who would become a fixture of later seasons (and turn in some of the worst final tribal council performances ever). Has Courtney, the :shobon: -est player ever. Great season.
  • Micronesia- A pseudo- All-Stars season, great cast, hilarious pre-merge play, amazing post-merge play (including the manipulation of someone to make one of the stupidest plays in Survivor history) makes this season one of the best ever.
  • Tocantins- The first usage of Exile Island strategically. Features the man, the myth, the legend of Coach, the most utterly ridiculous Survivor player ever. First ever time a Survivor season could be argued to be co-won, since Stephen and JT basically cover each others' weaknesses perfectly. Wonderful season.
  • Samoa- First appearance of the divisive Russell Hantz. Probably the best underdog play in Survivor history, with the 4 Foa Foa members entering the merge against 8 Galu members and ending up part of the final five. Great blindsides and strategic play. Great, great season of Survivor.
  • Heroes v. Villains- Second "true" All-Stars season, and the personalities are much more vibrant and interesting this time around. If you've seen the previous seasons wherein the people competing are from it's absolutely great. Also has Russell Hantzing it up like a madman. Also has the imo stupidest Survivor play of all time.
  • Redemption Island- Fourth (fourth!) Boston Rob appearance ends with him utterly dominating the game like it's never been dominated before. The Redemption Island twist ends up sucking but in my opinion it so perfectly ends the character arc of Boston Rob from his start as the cocky idiot in Marquesas, to the mastermind with bad jury management in All-Stars, to the completely getting hosed over due to bad luck in HvV, to his final incarnation as an brilliant, strong, and ruthless champion in RI.
  • Philippines- A brilliant season from start to finish, never letting up- includes the single worst tribe ever in Survivor history (so long, Ulong), some genuinely amazing stunt casting that actually adds to the enjoyment, and at least seven or eight people who deserved to win for one reason or another. After three seasons of pure bullshit, this season was just fantastic on literally every level. Denise's story is amazing- you can't write TV that good.

Wow that's a lot of show to watch. Abridge it?

Yeah sure. Watch China, Tocantins, Samoa, or Cook Islands, they're what the Survivor thread considers the best seasons with no returning players. Fans v. Favorites and Heroes v. Villains are the best seasons of Survivor overall; however, a lot of their appeal is in knowing the characters who are participating from their seasons. In other words, you'll have to watch everything I listed to get the full effect of the greatness of Micronesia/ HvV.

Also, if you're at all interested in what non-goons have to say Dalton Ross and Jeff Probst rank the Survivor seasons for you. But why would you do that? Survivor goons know best :colbert:

Glossary of Terms

The Survivor thread can get really, really jargony from time to time because we're all a bunch of Survivor spergs who just use a ton of shorthand. Here's what they mean:

Pagonged: In the first-ever season of Survivor, the Tagi tribe ended up with more players than the Pagong tribe going into the merge and ended up voting tribal lines, eliminating all members of the Pagong tribe from the game before voting themselves out. This revolutionary strategy has been copied in pretty much every Survivor since, and when it's successful it's called a "Pagonging", in honor of the eliminated tribe. It's the reason that it's so important to win immunity challenges pre-merge- usually both tribes enter the merge and vote tribal lines, so whichever team enters the merge with more players usually ends up the one which "wins".

Ulonged: In Palau, the Ulong tribe didn't win a single immunity challenge and kept on voting out the wrong players (usually their strongest or smartest), so it all snowballed into them losing every single immunity challenge pre-merge. Only Stephanie survived from the Ulong tribe to get "conquered" by the opposing tribe and eventually voted out. We now speculate as to whether or not a tribe that does miserably in the early going and racks up a bunch of early game losses will be "Ulonged"- will lose every single immunity challenge.

HII (Hidden Immunity Idol): Introduced in Guatemala, the HII was an object hidden at camp or Exile Island, that when found and played (usually after a series of clues leading to the HII's location were given) could prevent a player from going home that night. It could only be used once. Supposed to delay or gently caress up Pagongings, initially, it was really weak- it had to be played before the votes were cast, so what ended up happening was everyone switched their votes to someone else in the alliance they were targeting and the play continued as normal. Then, in Cook Islands the HII was revamped to be obscenely strong- it had to be played after the votes were read (the player with the next-most votes would go home if the player with the most votes played the HII), which meant Yul just told everyone that he had the idol and would play it for his alliance members, making his core alliance untouchable as everyone else ended up being voted out, afraid of being targeted by his alliance.

After Cook Islands the HII's rules were again revamped to what they are now, that it has to be played after the votes are cast but before they are read- basically, if it's played right can really change the game but it's not overpowerful nonsense like it was in CI.

Used to be only one HII in the game, usually at Exile Island, now there is one HII for each tribe, usually located at their camp.

Double boot: Usually early on into a Survivor season, there will be an episode where both tribes have to eliminate a tribe member (both go to tribal council), and the only challenge of the episode is either for individual immunity or for reward. Called a double boot episode when it happens.

Double elimination: A twist featured at the end of an episode of Survivor is that the tribe that lost the immunity challenge, unbeknownst to them, has to eliminate not one but two members. Usually revealed after the tribe has finished voting out a tribemate, they are usually given no time to deliberate and must vote again immediately.

Purple rocks: In the event of a tie at Tribal Council, there is a revote, with only the people receiving the most votes being eligible to receive votes during that revote. If the revote also ends in a tie, Survivors draw rocks, with the exception of the players receiving votes and any players with immunity. Whichever player draws the differently coloured rock is eliminated from the game. It's happened once before, and the differently coloured rock was purple.

This is a powerful incentive for players to avoid ties, as it takes players' fates out of their hands and puts it in the hands of chance, while ensuring that three of the most powerful players in the game remain in it. It means that each individual player sees a strong reason to flip from his or her alliance, and it's worked. Ties have largely been avoided for the past 22 seasons or so.

This is true at every tribal council but the Final Four. The math for the purple rocks doesn't work where there are only 4 players left - take away the immune player and the players receiving votes, and there is only one player left to draw rocks. Unfortunately, production only realized this didn't work after going through with it once, in Survivor Marquesas. Now, ties at Final Four are resolved with a challenge between the tied players, usually a fire-making challenge. (All credit goes to Pinterest Mom for this entry)

Blindside: When a tribal council seems to be set up so one or one of two possible players are getting eliminated, but somehow either a secret coalition or a surprising idol play makes it so someone else who nobody in the tribe suspected of being eliminated gets eliminated, it's called a "blindside". Usually sets up hilarious reaction gifs that the thread reposts infinitely.

Eel/Shambo.gif: Totally awesome! Make sure to ask the thread if you're new all about it. The results will totally surprise you!

Hantzed: Named after Russell Hantz from Samoa's proclivities to find idols without clues, it's now used as a term to describe a player who looks for HIIs without a clue, or a player who accomplishes said feat.

Splitting votes/Voodoo strategy: Originating in Cook Islands by noted crazy person and proto-Coach Cao Boi, the idea of an alliance that splits its votes between two members to "out" the idol. For instance, if an alliance has 6 members to an opposing alliance's 3, but one person in the 3 has an HII, the alliance would voted 3 for one member in the alliance and 3 for another, so even if the idol is played one of the members of the alliance is voted out (since it'd be a 3/3/3 tie, the idol would eliminate 3 votes for one member which would result in a 3/3 tie and a revote). It's extremely risky, and we went through a long eight-season stretch of it backfiring on the majority alliance every single time it was used. In the last five seasons, though, it's been used very frequently, up to three times a season, and has worked almost every single time. It's an example of the Survivor metagame evolving and players wisening up to new tactics. (All credit goes to Pinterest Mom for this entry)

Who the gently caress is Kelly: Usually anybody named Kelly in any season of Survivor will be a totally generic, personality-less automaton, usually the boring cheerleader type. Someone will post "Who the gently caress is Kelly" after cast announcements if the name Kelly is included because it's like so funny or something. You know how goons are.

Pony/Poison: Usually after cast announcements, but before the season airs, thread members will pick a "Pony" (someone who they think will be awesome and totally win) and a "Poison" (someone who they think will suck and be an annoying rear end in a top hat and will root to lose). Thread ponies are usually anybody who's intelligent or seems to be a hardcore Survivor fan, and thread poisons are people who look or sound stupid, racists, morons, and type-A brodudes (because we're all fat, ugly goons).

Challenge beast/challenge monster: A person who's really physically adept and capable, who wins challenges for their team almost single-handedly. Usually kept around until right before or right after the merge so they don't go one a "challenge run" and make the final two/three and win based on sheer physical strength. Noted challenge beasts include Ozzy and JT.

Provider: Usually an older dude who's really good at hunting and working who thinks, foolishly, that their "tribe value" will somehow save him from elimination- because then who will get the tribe food/firewood then, huh?! Usually really stupid and naive. Rupert is the king of this type of player.

Mastermind/puppetmaster: The strategic guy in the tribe. Usually the one who facilitates blindsides and backstabbings. If they make it to the FTC they're always in danger of being bitter juried out of a win. Russell is the premier mastermind player, but Yul and Chris are also notable.

Under the radar: The most common strategy of the game currently, reliant on letting the mastermind or challenge beast draw all the heat, never pissing anyone off, and getting into the FTC and winning it all based on not having done anything wrong to anyone ever. Notable UTR players: Sophie, Natalie

Social gamer: A player who forms strong alliances with everyone on the eventual jury and isn't physically strong or the mastermind, but is able to sway people the way they want votes to land. Social game players: Sandra, Parvati, Amber

Bitter jury: Because the game is reliant on a jury to vote on the winner there is a perception that sometimes the player who "deserves" to win gets "cheated" out of a win because they were such a rude, arrogant backstabbing rear end in a top hat to the people they betrayed that the jury doesn't vote for anyone so much as against a player. Also leads to really awkward, awful FTCs where a bunch of lying douchebags rail against other lying douchebags for being lying douchebags on a game show, as opposed to any sort of strategy discussion. If you're watching an FTC and you see someone bring up the word "integrity", congrats, you've found a bitter jury member!

Although jury management is an extremely important part of the game juries have generally gotten more bitter and more angry over time, which has led to generally worse FTCs and finales.

Goat: Someone useless, awful, or crazy that the mastermind player lugs with him or her to the final two/three ("riding the goat"). The jury is then forced to vote between someone they hate with a passion or the mastermind that orchestrated their removal. Really common in the old seasons of Survivor, before the implementation of the final three in Cook Islands- indeed, part of the reason for the final three change was so that "bringing a goat" wasn't as viable a strategy any more - it still was used as recently as Redemption Island with Boston Rob lugging Phillip all the way to FTC. Goats have the side benefit of attracting all the heat vote-wise until the final two/three. Notable goats: Phillip, Twila

Coattail rider: What certain UTR players get accused of being- instead of being subtle and quiet, they're accused of being boring and unimaginative, relying on the mastermind/challenge beast to do all the heavy lifting. Notable "coattail riders": Natalie, Sophie.

Throwing an immunity challenge: The concept of intentionally losing an immunity challenge because there's a member of the tribe which is somehow cancerous to the tribe or is otherwise undesirable. Always, always a terrible loving idea and it never, ever works out well for the tribe in question. Seriously if someone urges to throw an immunity challenge they're guaranteed to be an idiot with no sense of strategy.


Mactor: Portmanteau of "Model/Actor", if you see any contestant with either of those two as their "profession", especially if it's literally both, they're probably this. Mactors get a lot of heat from diehard Survivor fans and this thread because they're usually not Survivor "fans", and indeed didn't even apply for the season- most are actively recruited by Survivor's casting director (Lynne Spillman). The prevailing theory is that she actively recruits any friends of her best friends- who are former Survivor contestants like Parvati Shallow, Amanda Kimmel, etc. She also primarily recruits from the gym she goes to in the LA area and basically hot people she meets within the city.

Mactors are hated for a variety of reasons: 1) Usually, they have no strategic sense of the way the game is played- so they go on and on about "honor" and "integrity" and think they're the smartest fuckers ever to exist for coming up with, say, the idea of the blindside or some really basic strategic idea. 2) Usually, they're lazy whiny fuckers who don't do anything around camp and constantly complain about how hungry they are and just throw massive pity parties for themselves. 3) Mactors are usually the ones who quit- quitters MASSIVELY gently caress up the game and game flow in a variety of different ways, and quitters and quit threatens have lead to the prevailing trend of current Survivor seasons to have overstuffed and overcast tribes with a bunch of extra people because they "figure in" that people are going to quit. It also leads to situations like Nicaragua where two people quit in the same night and ended up on the jury, which was just loving reprehensible.

4) Most commonly and annoyingly, they've never seen a season of Survivor beyond the ones that CBS sends to all its contestants once they're cast (which is always the last 2-3 seasons), so it leads to really loving annoying poo poo like Nicaragua. Nicaragua was the season immediately after Samoa and Heroes v Villains, which were dominated in their screentime by Russell, so Nicaragua had about 6 people in their pre-interviews say they were the next Russell Hantz. The gameplay also suffered as about half of the contestants tried to play the exact same Russell game, with horrid results. It ended up making the season really, really boring to watch as everyone tried to backstab each other and be the biggest dick for no strategic reason other than "the only Survivor we watched Russell did it and got a lot of screentime, and we want screentime to launch modelling/acting careers". (This also happened to a much less significant extent during South Pacific/One World as a bunch of mactors tried to emulate Boston Rob's cult-like play during Redemption Island).

Film cycles: Every odd-numbered season of Survivor is usually filmed during mid-to-late summer. The show then takes a two-week break as they send home the previous season's contestants, set up the new tribe locations, send the last bit of film, fly in the new challenges, and set up the new film locations as they fly in the next season's contestants. The next season's -the even-numbered season's- contestants usually compete from early September to early October, so right before winter really kicks into high gear. (Early September to early October is also when the odd-numbered season that was just finished starts airing). What does this mean? Well, in some film cycles (notably seasons 11-12-Palau-Guatemala, seasons 15-16-China-Micronesia, and seasons 19-20 Samoa-Heroes v. Villains) they bring back a returning contestant (or two) from the previous, odd-numbered season to compete in the next, even-numbered season. (This has happened most famously with Amanda Kimmel from China and Russell Hantz from Samoa).

Doing back-to-back Survivor runs with only a two-week break in the middle is an insane test of endurance. The contestants that do so usually get dangerously thin, and if they make it to the finale in back-to-back seasons (like with Amanda and Russell), have been playing Survivor for so long without a real break that they start to lose it. This is most famously seen with Russell's HvV play, wherein near the end he completely loving loses his grip on sanity and becomes a paranoid mess, which directly leads to his loss during the finale.

He starts plotting a bunch of un-Hantz-like "stabbing his closest companions in the back" moves that are totally not in keeping with how he normally plays the game and only make the jury pissed off at him more than they already are. The only feasible explanation- since Russell is usually a pragmatic and calculated player- is that he spends so much time playing Survivor that he sees everyone as his enemy and basically develops low-grade cabin fever. Likewise, Amanda Kimmel during the finale of Micronesia (the season she back-to-backed in) has spent so much time plotting to stab people in the back and betray their trust that she devolves into a weepy mess during her FTC performance. Which, again, probably had something to do with spending so much time playing Survivor and not spending time in normal interactions with other human beings.

That being said, doing back-to-back Survivor runs with no breaks is also a huge benefit; if appearing in both season in a film cycle, a returning player (who is usually really, really good) has both the experience of having just finished playing a game of Survivor (so they're in the right mental "mood" to play) while also playing against people who have no idea who they are, their personalities, or how they play (the short delay between seasons means the even-numbered season contestants don't get dvds of the season which just finished filming). This, for instance, hugely benefitted Russell on HvV because Boston Rob completely and utterly discounted him as a viable threat until it was almost too late, and the fact that nobody knew who he was or how he played literally meant he got an idol for free out of it.

You'll see Survivor thread alums debate and argue whenever the interminably awful "Russell- greatest player ever?" arguements start up, and whenever they talk about "film cycles" or Russell's various HvV advantages (and disadvantages) this is what they mean.

Edits: Survivor is, above all else, a tv show. Indeed, it's a tv show that beyond its gameplay attempts to tell a narrative arc for its cast, so sometimes the concept of "edits" and a person getting an "edit" will be bandied around in the Survivor thread.

Since, obviously, the editors for each season of Survivor know who win (or at least, who makes the final 2/3 and, more abstractly, the jury), they know that the viewers want to know the eventual winner as well as possible. So, usually, the final 2 to 3 receive a majority of the screentime of the season, especially if the final 2/3 all are part of the same alliance.

The viewing audience also wants to know the jury at least fairly well so they usually (with about one to two exceptions) get the rest of the screentime during the season.

Beyond that, there's the concept of "character edits".
  • Hero Edit: The winner of the season is edited to be as honorable, noble, or admirable as possible. Usually scenes of them being lovely aren't included. Any scenes of them in conflict with another tribemate are usually presented as the hero "in the right", and any sneaky or underhanded play is presented as brilliant/necessary for survival. The winner of the season and any cast member which the show is interested in bringing back in subsequent seasons are edited this way. Usually, the challenge beast is edited to be a hero.
  • Villain Edit: The antagonist of the winner is usually edited to be the "villan". Any scenes of them being lazy, evil, stupid, or an rear end in a top hat are usually edited to be incredibly damning. Any scenes of "strategy playing"- blindsides etc- are usually presented as the villain being a backstabbing douche. Villains usually advance far but don't win- many make the FTC and lose, much of the time due to a bitter jury. "Villains" usually get brought back into a subsequent season, usually under the redemption edit.
  • Buffoon/Crazy Person Edit: Any goats or entertainingly bad players usually get edited like this. Usually used as evidence for why the mastermind player would lug them to the FTC. Their ineptitude/craziness is overstated and this is usually where the editors have the most fun with digs on them (for instance, whenever Coach talked on Toncantins the editor would edit in an eagle cry to make him even more ridiculous).
  • Punching Bag Player Edit: These players are usually edited to be constantly picked upon, bullied, or otherwise mistreated. Usually presented as through no fault of their own- the tribe just, suddenly, for no reason, decided to pick on the player, either because they look weird, are physically weak, or are otherwise bizarre (usually the buffoon and crazy person is also the punching bag). Punching Bags usually flip going into the merge- so the narrative tries to present their flip as justified or otherwise understandable. Usually where most of the complaints of "disingenuous editing" come from when contestants complain about editing- Sugar from Gabon and Sierra from Toncantins were both constantly poo poo on in their respective seasons and were edited as the punching bags just trying to survive the horrible assholes on their tribe. According to the contestants who played with them, however, they were actually horribly annoying, whiny douches. The claim that Sugar was actually a gigantic whiny annoying baby seems to have at least some merit, since her edit in HvV presented her as such.

The Survivor thread usually argues that "X person is getting Y edit, so can/can't win, is gonna make the merge/be eliminated before the merge, etc". However, it all kind of boils down to informed guessing, since there are so many exceptions to the "guidelines" of how a person who reaches X position is edited the only real hard-and-fast rule that you can hold to is that if someone who up until that episode had no confessional/screen time whatsoever suddenly gets a ton, and they don't do ANYTHING to warrant it like have a legendary freakout, they're being eliminated that episode. Survivor seems to favor presenting an about-to-be-eliminated player in the fullest light possible before they're voted off, but that's pretty much the only really reliable rule to hold to.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
Also let's get these over with:


HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Wee Bairns posted:

I haven't seen this one posted in a Survivor thread in several seasons...


I don't like people posting that in a derogatory manner because lampreys are loving delicious. Seriously, try some. Delicious.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Ghostpilot posted:

I think a large part of his game will hinge up whether or not he gets recognized, especially given his reputation.

Yeah I know poo poo about basketball, but is a club president like a household name who people will recognize or is it like a showrunner on TV which only the hardcore fans know?

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
I know everyone hates Colton, but he had a pretty good interview over at Survivor Oz. Dropped some behind the scenes stuff about blood vs water.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Ghostpilot posted:

Given that he told the biggest lie since Fairplay, I'd take what he says with a grain mountain of salt.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Colton seems like pretty much a completely different person outside of the island.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
It's time to turn in your producer badge Jeff. You can still host if you promise not to stupid poo poo like this ever again.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
They should hide a couple of fake idols in obvious places

Would lead to a funny tribal or two.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Malnutricia

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Shakugan posted:

Jeff's questioning of Spencer made me think that if Spencer had been eliminated, he would have been a lock for being a returnee in a future season.

But really, I'm hoping that this season makes the producers realise we don't need returnees. I'm honestly fine with 4/5 seasons of new players, then maybe a season of all-stars. Having most seasons have members (or tribes) that are returnees is dumb.

I'm ok with Spencer coming back. I feel so bad for him :(

This was a masterfully edited episode, I really liked it. You really didn't know what was going to happen.

edit: I was expecting to hate Spencer too, but he turned out to be a cool guy.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

The Lord Bude posted:

you'd think Tony would be more experienced at knocking doors down.

Maybe there's a rooftop jumping challenge coming

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Lone Goat posted:

Last time they did this challenge (FvF 2) they never went to the top of the triangle.

Reynold appreciation station


Also this is the best season holy poo poo

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Sith Happens posted:

I find the thread's lack of Morgan boob gifs from last night's episode disturbing.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Lone Goat posted:

Jeff also thinks that Redemption Island and the Tyler Perry idol are good ideas. I put little stock in what Jeff thinks.

“I would hope we never do All-Stars again, because Survivor is a game about strangers living together. Once they have had that experience and have spent time together socially, it’s a completely different game. It’s stunt casting.” -Jeff Probst 2005

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
Guys I'm starting a twitter campaign to get SSpencer fired and/or make him unemployable. Who is with me?

Signal boost this!

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
That's pretty awesome

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
Kid Nation was incredible, thanks

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
The top #1 winner of the top #1 season Chris Dougherty was on Historians a couple days ago. It was pretty glorious.

His story on what actually happens after the final tribal council is pretty drat funny. Also it turns out the tribe split wasn't originally supposed to be men/women: when they arrived to the tribal ceremony the locals split them up like that and the producers went "huh, I guess it's men vs women then".

A great listen.

HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine
They asked him for two things he wants immediately after the game. He said a beer and a cigarette.

They gave him a beer with no opener and a cigarette with no lighter :laffo:

edit: I mean ok opening a bottle of beer is stupidly easy, but it's still funny.

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HUMAN FISH
Jul 6, 2003

I Am A Mom With A
"BLACK BELT"
In AUTISM
I Have Strengths You Can't Imagine

Lone Goat posted:

Do you have a link to this? I only listen to RHAP

Phone posting but it's on The Tribe feed.

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