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2033 Offseason News Notable Retired Players Hocket Roboy Nail Yakupov Mika Zibanejad Gunnar Stahl Buggy Skill Itchy Chiggers Alex Jones Badabing Buckaroo Aleksandr Luzhin Borka Borkason Chap Buttworth Emil Rutkowski Ewic Windros Charlie Conway Rod Dangler Potatoes O'Bourke Oldman Hat Sasha Smashnikov Alexander Wennberg Michael Bournival Valentin Zykov Raphael Maheux Duncan Siemens Gabryel Paquin-Boudreau Stefan Matteau Laurent Dauphin Anthony Mantha Gordie Bradford Michael St. Croix Oliver Bjorkstrand Slater Koekkoek Martijn van der Veen Anthony Broedur Brendan Burke Zachary Fucale Transaction News BUF -- re-signed Hockles to a $13.6mil/1yr contract COL -- re-signed S. McStabson to a $14.4mil/1yr contract DAL -- re-signed A. Guibeau to a $13.6mil/1yr contract MTL -- re-signed R. Fantastic to a $18.6mil/2yr contract NJD -- re-signed J. O'Rourke to a $13.1mil/1yr contract NJD -- re-signed T. Vittunen to a $24.3mil/2yr contract PHX -- re-signed M. White to a $13.6mil/1yr contract PIT -- re-signed H. Wang to a $10.8mil/1yr contract SJS -- re-signed T. McFlurry to a $23.4mil/2yr contract TOR -- re-signed sba to a $12.6mil/1yr contract VAN -- re-signed F. Bar to a $23.7mil/2yr contract SJS gets: Les Lazaruk (88 OVR), Junior Bass (C, 58 OVR), Francis Lyon (D, 64 OVR) NYR gets: Ronald Yonkman (D, 76 OVR), Jesper Gustafsson (D, 80 OVR), 2033 1st Round Draft Pick, 2034 1st Round Draft Pick 2033-34 Opening Night Info BUF -- Hockles (93 OVR) -- Starting Center -- Captain CAR -- S. Athanatos (87 OVR) -- Starting Goaltender COL -- S. McStabson (90 OVR) -- Starting Left Wing -- Captain COL -- D. Paynuss (90 OVR) -- Starting Goaltender CBJ -- B. Urlacher (85 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Captain DAL -- A. Guibeau (90 OVR) -- Starting Right Wing -- Captain EDM -- Spamtron (91 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Captain LAK -- A. Banks (89 OVR) -- Starting Left Wing -- Captain LAK -- R. Hextall Jr (86 OVR) -- Starting Goaltender MIN -- P.P. Poutine (90 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Captain MTL -- R. Fantastic (83 OVR) -- 2nd Line Center -- Captain NJD -- J. O'Rourke (88 OVR) -- 2nd Line Left Wing -- Captain NJD -- T. Vittunen (90 OVR) -- Starting Left Wing -- Asst Captain PHX -- M. White (89 OVR) -- Starting Left Wing -- Captain PIT -- H. Wang (87 OVR) -- 2nd Line Center -- Captain PIT -- B. McLargeHuge (88 OVR) -- Starting Goaltender SJS -- T. McFlurry (90 OVR) -- Starting Right Wing -- Captain SJS -- L. Lazaruk (89 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Asst Captain TOR -- sba (89 OVR) -- Starting Center -- Captain VAN -- F. Bar (88 OVR) -- Starting Center -- Captain WSH -- B. Lundgren (92 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Captain WPG -- T. Palin (90 OVR) -- Starting Goaltender Comments More goons stayed than I was expecting. San Jose is looking to mortgage the future for a cup now. Lots of captains retired, so we have a new class of captains. It's got to be a glitch or something, because the math doesn't add up, but Athanatos' contract is up to $21.7mil per year
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Jul 26, 2014 06:08
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ROBOY WASNT A FREE AGENT
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Jul 26, 2014 06:16
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Verviticus posted:ROBOY WASNT A FREE AGENT Hockles posted:2033 Offseason News literally 1st on the list
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Jul 26, 2014 06:18
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@HockeymansORourke @conway96 I'm gonna miss you, buddy. @HockeymansORourke @Vittuman10 A! A! A A A! @HockeymansORourke C! C! C C C! I'm the loving captain, bitches!
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Jul 26, 2014 06:40
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IcePhoenix posted:Did you already forget the championship we won together Never. Captaining NYR to a Cup win was just little Ewic's dweam  I shoulda gone out on top though. 2 Cups, 1000pts + 2000pim, 1 Conn Smythe. Nice career. Wish I hit 500g and had an MVP or two but whatevs. Hockey jesus came, he scored, he smashed skulls.
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Jul 26, 2014 06:44
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haha Wang improved? And got a better 1 yr deal? And is back on the 2nd line? Okay.
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Jul 26, 2014 06:47
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Hockles posted:Transaction News Do it for McFlurry, Sharks. You owe him at least that.  Junior Bass is a pretty awesome hockey name.
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Jul 26, 2014 06:49
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Hockles posted:It's got to be a glitch or something, because the math doesn't add up, but Athanatos' contract is up to $21.7mil per year I build a replica cup out of stacks of cash and cry into it every day.
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Jul 26, 2014 07:04
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Hockles posted:literally 1st on the list yes i saw that why do you think i was complaining
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Jul 26, 2014 07:08
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Rutkowski goes PPG in his last season and outscores White. Decent career stats too(historical ranking does not include goons or other players in the game that may have hosed it up): 1540 games(12th overall), 376 goals(107th overall), 703 assists(51st overall), 1076(61st overall) 2209 PIM(43rd overall), +/-194(67th overall), 4277 hits. Playoff stats were worse because goddamn Coyotes were bad there: 171 games(44th overall), 40 goals(88th overall), 60 assists(90th overall), 100 points(85th overall), 279 PIM(35th overall), +/--8, 572 hits. Lack of ring and quality of competition and teammates probably puts him firmly into the "he was very good but not HHOF good" quality.
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Jul 26, 2014 07:25
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If he finishes out his contract and stays healthy Urlacher is going to break 6k PIM 
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Jul 26, 2014 08:45
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Borkason retires without a cup 
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Jul 26, 2014 11:22
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Oh hey I go away for a week and miss my twilight resurgence. Going out as MVP seems a legit way to finish a career though, gj fake sports me.
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Jul 26, 2014 11:56
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Gonna be last goon standing, book it. Sad to see ya retire Rutz.
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Jul 26, 2014 19:20
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@foo_bar6 Man overboard, my first mate is down. Gunna miss ya Chap.
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Jul 26, 2014 19:36
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Pretty sure I had a year left on my contract, too. THIS IS BULLSHIT.
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Jul 26, 2014 21:37
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Anders posted:Borkason retires without a cup got da C 
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Jul 26, 2014 23:32
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All-Star Break 2034 Update All-Stars West -- Adam Banks (Starting Left Wing) West -- Alex Guibeau (Starting Right Wing) West -- Moses White (2nd Line Left Wing) West -- Spamtron (Starting D-Pairing) East -- Hockles (Starting Center) East -- Big McLargeHuge (Starting Goaltender) Notable Stats Hockles leads the league in Points Hockles is 3rd in Goals White is 4th in Assists Spamtron is 2nd in Points by a D-Man McStabson is 2nd in PIM McLargeHuge is 4th in GAA McLargeHuge is 4th in SV%; Athanatos is 5th Hextall Jr & McLargeHuge are 7th in Wins Transaction News None Injury Report WSH -- B. Lundgren is out with a Broken Foot. Expected return is 2/1/34 Comments Not many goon all-stars anymore Goons in the top 8 of stats is thin now, too  http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2014 for Complete Stats
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Jul 27, 2014 00:36
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2034 All-Star Gamepre:1 2 3 West 0 0 0 - 0 East 1 1 2 - 4 West East 0 Goals 4 33 Total Shots 29 19 Hits 22 20:46 Time On Attack 18:32 39 Faceoffs 35 2 PIM 0 0/0 Powerplays 0/1 1st Period 1:38 -- (East) D. Morgan (A. Barkov, W. Nylander) 2nd Period 8:10 -- (East) H. Lapierre (J. Drouin) 3rd Period 19:13 - (East) P. Plante (I. Weaver, Hockles) 19:21 - (East) J. Rome (B. Bala, H. Lapierre) Penalty Summary 2nd Period 8:48 -- (West) S. Blujus -- Cross Checking (Minor) 3 Stars of the Game 1) (East) Big McLargeHuge (33 save shutout) 2) (East) Doug Morgan (1 goal, +2) 3) (East) Hugo Lapierre (1 goal, 1 assist, +2)  
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Jul 27, 2014 00:53
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With Lundgren out the path is clear for my first Norris
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Jul 27, 2014 01:13
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Wang is on the path for a career year in terms of goals scored 
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Jul 27, 2014 01:21
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Ol' Theo is breaking down in his old age. Only 25 GP this season. 
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Jul 27, 2014 01:26
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End of 2033-34 Regular Season Update Notable Stats Hockles lead the league in Points; Banks is 5th Banks lead the league in Goals; Hockles is 7th Spamtron is 2nd in Points by a D-Man; Lundgren is 3rd Banks is 3rd in +/- McStabson is 4th in PIM; O'Rourke is 8th McLargeHuge is 4th in GAA; Athanatos is 6th Athanatos lead the league in SV%; McLargeHuge is 5th; Paynuss is 8th Hextall Jr is 2nd in Wins; McLargeHuge is 7th Transaction News None Injury Report CAR -- S. Athanatos is out with a Torn Groin. Expected return is 5/22/34 SJS -- L. Lazaruk is out with Post Concussion Syndrome. Expected return is 5/11/34 Comments Poutine didn't score a goal until after the ASG. He never had another assist.  Hockles and Banks will get some trophies Spamtron may actually get a Norris No idea on the Vezina  http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2014 for Complete Stats
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Jul 27, 2014 04:12
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End of 2033-34 Season Update Playoff Results WPG def LAK in 7 SJS def VAN in 4 STL def MIN in 6 CHI def DAL in 6 BUF def BOS in 5 OTT def FLA in 7 NYI def PIT in 7 PHI def NYR in 6 SJS def WPG in 7 STL def CHI in 4 OTT def BUF in 6 NYI def PHI in 7 SJS def STL in 6 NYI def OTT in 4 SJS def NYI in 4 Notable Stats McFlurry is 6th in Points http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2014 for Complete Stats NHL Awards Stanley Cup Champions San Jose Sharks Presidents Trophy (Best Regular Season Record) St. Louis Blues Clarence S. Campbell Bowl (Western Conference Champion) San Jose Sharks Prince of Wales Trophy (Eastern Conference Champion) New York Islanders Art Ross Trophy (Most Points) Hockles -- Buffalo Sabres Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP) Adam Banks -- Los Angeles Kings James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman) Doug Morgan -- Montreal Canadiens Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Best Sportsmanship & Gentlemanly Conduct) Adam Banks -- Los Angeles Kings Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year) Rory Allison -- Boston Bruins Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP) Barry Mason -- San Jose Sharks Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender) Big McLargeHuge -- Pittsburgh Penguins William M. Jennings Trophy (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against) Wade van Riemsdyk/Teemu Laaksonen -- St. Louis Blues Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey) Mathieu Boudreau -- Chicago Blackhawks Frank J. Selke Trophy (Best Defensive Forward) Igor Latypov -- St. Louis Blues Ted Lindsay Award (League MVP as voted by NHLPA) Adam Banks -- Los Angeles Kings Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals) Adam Banks -- Los Angeles Kings Upcoming Free Agents BUF -- Hockles COL -- S. McStabson DAL -- A. Guibeau LAK -- A. Banks LAK -- R. Hextall Jr NJD -- J. O'Rourke PHX -- M. White PIT -- H. Wang TOR -- sba Comments Crusty old McFlurry and the remains of Lazaruk bring a Cup to San Jose Banks gets the bulk of the skater awards McLargeHuge snags a Vezina Spamtron's lower +/- costs him the Norris Could this be my 2nd to last update? 
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Jul 27, 2014 04:51
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Hockles posted:Could this be my 2nd to last update? Urlacher needs at least one more season for 6k so I hope not 
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Jul 27, 2014 06:38
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Bjorn Lundgren D 79 18 37 55 I guess Lundgren was hurt just before the AS game and that's why he didn't get the nod? Stupid game!
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Jul 27, 2014 06:47
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Holy. poo poo. We did it!  Turns out all SJ needed was another goon. Now Theo McFlurry can retire a happy man, living out his days giving motivational speeches to college campuses across Canada.
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Jul 27, 2014 07:35
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2034 Offseason News Notable Retired Players Stabby McStabson Ricky Fantastic Alex Guibeau Adam Banks Moses White Theo McFlurry Humungous Wang Alex Galchenyuk Jimmy O'Rourke Pierre-Paul Poutine sba Brian Urlacher Jonathan Drouin (1663 pts in 1420 games) William Nylander Aaron Ekblad Shea Theodore Hunter Shinkaruk Brendan Gaunce Nikita Scherbak Tyson Baillie Jake Virtanen Bo Horvat Dek Paynuss Soup Athanatos Ron Hextall Jr Tripp Palin Malcolm Subban Transaction News BUF -- re-signed Hockles to a $13mil/1yr contract 2034-35 Opening Night Info BUF -- Hockles (87 OVR) -- Starting Center -- Captain EDM -- Spamtron (91 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Captain NJD -- T. Vittunen (89 OVR) -- Starting Left Wing -- Captain PIT -- B. McLargeHuge (84 OVR) -- Starting Goaltender SJS -- L. Lazaruk (85 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Asst Captain VAN -- F. Bar (85 OVR) -- Starting Center -- Captain WSH -- B. Lundgren (90 OVR) -- Starting D-Pairing -- Captain Comments Only a handful remain. I think it goes without saying we all get premium care on the bench now. Vittunen gets the C This should get finished up today. Take it all in, everybody.
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Jul 27, 2014 16:03
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Lead the league in Save %, team had 74 points. Just take me behind the woodshed to end it.
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Jul 27, 2014 16:23
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Oldman Hat finally retires and THEN Chicago does well. I... I see....
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Jul 27, 2014 17:16
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Hockles posted:2034 Offseason News Godspeed You! White Russian
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Jul 27, 2014 17:40
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All-Star Break 2035 Update All-Stars East -- Teemu Vittunen (Starting Left Wing) East -- Bjorn Lundgren (Starting D-Pairing) Notable Stats Vittunen is 4th in Points, and 5th in Assists Lundgren leads the league in +/-; and is 3rd in Points by a D-Man McLargeHuge is 8th in GAA, and 7th in Wins Transaction News None Injury Report None Comments Vittunen and Lundgren get what will likely be their last ASG nods  http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2014 for Complete Stats
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Jul 27, 2014 18:02
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Ricky is finally out of the hell that is playing for the Habs, now he can become a movie star
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Jul 27, 2014 18:10
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2035 All-Star Gamepre:1 2 3 OT West 0 1 1 0 - 2 East 2 0 0 1 - 3 West East 2 Goals 3 31 Total Shots 37 16 Hits 22 20:58 Time On Attack 20:17 42 Faceoffs 36 4 PIM 4 0/2 Powerplays 0/2 1st Period 8:57 -- (East) I. Weaver (T. Vittunen, B. Lundgren) 16:09 - (East) P. Babchuk (T. Vittunen, A. Saarela) 2nd Period 12:54 - (West) M. Gervais (P. Morozov, C. Berkhoel) 3rd Period 4:23 -- (West) T. Nawrocki (I. Latypov) Overtime 4:15 -- (East) I. Weaver (B. Byers) Penalty Summary 1st Period 1:13 -- (East) N. Samuelsen -- Interference (Minor) 2:07 -- (West) X. Brennan -- High Sticking (Minor) 16:30 - (East) K. Sydor -- Tripping (Minor) 2nd Period 2:48 -- (West) T. Nawrocki -- Hooking (Minor) 3 Stars of the Game 1) (East) Isaac Weaver (2 goals) 2) (East) Cody Hay (1.87 GAA, .935 GAA, 29 saves) 3) (East) Teemu Vittunen (2 assists, +2)  
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Jul 27, 2014 18:20
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End of 2034-35 Regular Season Update Notable Stats Vittunen finished 2nd in Points, and 6th in Assists Lazaruk lead the league in +/- McLargeHuge lead the league in SV%, finished 2nd in GAA, and 3rd in Wins Transaction News None Injury Report None Comments Hockles passed Gordie Howe for most games played in the NHL A rando non-goon had 470 PIM McLargeHuge may get a 2nd straight Vezina  http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2014 for Complete Stats
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Jul 27, 2014 19:02
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So in what is probably Spam strom's last season, Edmonton misses the playoffs by a single point? Fitting.
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Jul 27, 2014 19:06
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Hockles posted:Comments I was just looking at the stats last night and saw that he had 0G befor the ASG. That's weird as gently caress
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Jul 27, 2014 19:24
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End of 2034-35 Season Update Playoff Results SJS def LAK in 7 VAN der CGY in 5 STL def NSH in 5 MIN def CHI in 5 BUF def NYR in 7 BOS def OTT in 5 NYI def PHI in 7 PIT def CBJ in 5 SJS def VAN in 7 STL def MIN in 5 BUF def BOS in 6 NYI def PIT in 6 STL def SJS in 6 BUF def NYI in 7 BUF def STL in 6 Notable Stats Hockles is 5th in Points http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2014 for Complete Stats NHL Awards Stanley Cup Champions Buffalo Sabres Presidents Trophy (Best Regular Season Record) Philadelphia Flyers Clarence S. Campbell Bowl (Western Conference Champion) St. Louis Blues Prince of Wales Trophy (Eastern Conference Champion) Buffalo Sabres Art Ross Trophy (Most Points) Aleski Saarela -- Philadelphia Flyers Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP) Aleski Saarela -- Philadelphia Flyers James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman) Xavier Brennan -- Nashville Predators Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Best Sportsmanship & Gentlemanly Conduct) Connor McDavid -- Anaheim Ducks Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year) Jason Jessiman -- Columbus Blue Jackets Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP) Samuel Wright -- Conn Smythe Trophy Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender) Clint Johnson -- Columbus Blue Jackets William M. Jennings Trophy (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against) Cody Hay/Antti Kuparinen -- Philadelphia Flyers Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey) Jeffrey Fraser -- St. Louis Blues Frank J. Selke Trophy (Best Defensive Forward) Igor Latypov -- St. Louis Blues Ted Lindsay Award (League MVP as voted by NHLPA) Clint Johnson -- Columbus Blue Jackets Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals) Raimo Timonen -- San Jose Sharks Upcoming Free Agents BUF -- Hockles EDM -- Spamtron NJD -- T. Vittunen PIT -- B. McLargeHuge SJS -- L. Lazaruk VAN -- F. Bar WSH -- B. Lundgren Comments Hockles passed Messier on most games played total between regular season & playoffs, is short of 2000 by 2 games. Hockles wins his 5th Cup. No awards for goons. Everybody left is 40. This is probably it.  e: Yep, I'm not going to do another update for it, but everyone retired. Hockles fucked around with this message at 19:33 on Jul 27, 2014 |
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Jul 27, 2014 19:30
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@Vittuman10 my best season ever. the spirit of selänne (pbuh) runs strong in me :D #4moreyears
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Jul 27, 2014 19:32
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| # ? May 4, 2024 04:11 |
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@NHL Former Vancouver Canucks forward Foo Bar has voluntarily entered the NHL/NHLPA Substance Abuse Program. We offer our full support and wish him well in the future.
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Jul 27, 2014 20:27
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