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paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
sochi

fourth rome

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paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
athletes competing in the biathlon are handed surplus AK47s by some nervous guy in a van.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Three Olives posted:

So there is totally going to be at least an attempted terrorist attack on this thing, right?

why bother

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
yep check us out, we're the dudes that bombed the olympics where the toilet seats were on backwards and people had drunk construction workers sleeping it off inside the walls in their hotel rooms

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
the winter groverlympics

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
@OlympianBob

strange hairy man in bathroom, reading newspaper. has been there for 3 days. doesnt speak english & will not leave, only grunts. plz advise

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
"boris, dogs are back in 2319"

"did last pay check bounce?"

"yes"

"well, dogs will stay in 2319 then I guess."

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
wild dogs sweep every event

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Monkey Fracas posted:

I am having fun imaging what the grounds will look like 1 month after the olympics are over

Probably like Chernobyl looks now

all the buildings are prob suspiciously well insured and will all have burned down within a week of the events ending

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK posted:

dont worry, the power outlet isnt live. its just glued on

is cover nose of wild dog we hide in wall. ho ho little joke, wall dogs are all in basement.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
*journo opens continental breakfast chafing dish*
*wild dog lunges out*

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

t3h z0r posted:

BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHMMMMMM

I love how randomly things are placed in all these pictures. It's like venues were built by children playing The Sims for the first time. Like they literally put in a fire extinguisher BEFORE the stairs, and had to build around it.

the ukrainian athletes wake up, not remembering anything after getting that drink at the moscow airport, to find themselves sealed into 1x1 rooms with no doors

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Fat Ogre posted:

You know how on Hoarders the people who hoard poo poo can't see how terrible their house is.

That is what it is like to be Russian when you look at Russia.

Broken light, missing shower curtains, wild dogs, yellow water, no heat, cans next to the toilet for poo poo covered rear end wipes? Is normal comrade.

Like they look at it and say "Eh close enough." :effort:

lot of them are probably super pissed because after the soviets keeled over people thought the west was gonna swoop in Truman style and help them

and we were like, lmao no

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
ahaha
yeah man I hate it when dudes just show up unannounced for the olympics. call ahead, motherfuckers.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
the dogs knocked over the last pillow shipment. yergi we need to you make a break for the storehouse. we will be praying for you, son.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
please to not poking tarp. thank.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Phy posted:

Haha, very funny! Russia can take some ribbing, is all in good fun!

Do you know what else is very funny and contains indeterminate amount of seamen?

Borei class ballistic missile submarines parked off coast of North America

meanwhile, off the aleutians, a russian submariner is trying to dislodge a nest of dogs from the missile tubes w/ a broom

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
ok we get wodka from stores, we put rag in wodka then light on fire and throw into tube. dogs go pfoom. problem solved.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
is dogs in launch control too. told you should not have taken on supplies in sochi.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Caufman posted:

Weapons free has been authorized, officers are now just waiting on promised delivery of bullet.

@sochisec

have two lightbulbs and shower curtain. will trade for 7.62x39 rounds.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Monkey Fracas posted:

Russia has just been such a cartoonishly depressing and hosed up place for so long

source of problem, we believe, related to having high concentrations of Russians living in country.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
russia's been hosed up since the pre-christian days when the primary god they worshiped had to be placated with human sacrifice, not because he needed the blood to make the sun rise or do anything productive, but because if he wasn't kept happy he would get you

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

first thing rurik rurikid saw when he got off the longboat was putin in a fur hat, smiling thinly

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
haha yes we find teensy hole in world geometry outside your hotel room. please have care when leaving, management takes no responsibility for eternal plunge into empty white void.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
please no flush toilets on floors 5, 7, 19, and 23. may cause buffer overflow and replace sky with grass texture. need hard reboot to resolve, very expesnive.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
Attention Sochi Patrons: bug in bill pay system has caused Olympic Grounds to revert to control of hostile dog faction. please use caution when leaving buildings. we roll out hotfix ASAP.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
when comrade khrushchev was presented with the model future american kitchen during a trip to the us, he responded with "so do americans need special machines to push food down their throat or what"

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

The Taint Reaper posted:

They're called forks and spoons.

better than nixon's comeback: "well you're going to space but uh we have made great progress in color television"

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

bathroom cameras, for safety yes? we have top men on duty. very few sexual misconduct convictions.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

ZombieReagan posted:

this is two way mirror so we can make sure you put TOILET PAPER IN BIN NOT TOILET

*intercom crackles* STALL SEVEN YOU FLUSH ONCE AND ONLY ONCE

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
lots of jovial good-times at putin world. for everyone, we have ways of making you have fun.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

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paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

Real Talk: I stared at this for a good long while, and every time part of my brain reflexively tried to make sense of whats going on, some other part of my brain would cut it off from doing so.

Like the other brain part was all like: "Shhhhh, don't ruin it. Just enjoy it at face value. Its better this way."

overland roads closed, wild dogs devour last three runners. we take sea route.

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