Need Help With Bizarre NetHack

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Need Help With Bizarre NetHack

Aestu: Feb 17, 2014; by zen death robot

I purchased an account here on SA because it seemed the appropriate place to discuss my rather strange NetHack-related life issue. I want to establish that the facts are as I state them here - this is a life issue I'm dealing with.

I made it through college without ever getting laid. I'm fairly attractive, and girls came onto me on more than a few occasions, but I was young and confused and insecure, so I never took them up on it, despite wanting sex. I did my undergraduate degree in Classical Studies and my graduate degree in Accounting - this is characteristic of my personality. I had a year off before grad school started, so I got on SeekingArrangement and had a series of encounters with a very attractive, very pneumatic Jamaican girl in nursing school. She was really incredible by any measure - not merely as my first.

The experience was beneficial in that it helped me overcome my insecurity and become more of a man. Of course, I enjoyed it greatly. Over the next few months, I had a series of encounters with a diverse cast of other women (with protection), which served to reinforce my preference.

I did my undergraduate studies in Boston then moved to Cincinnati both because I had a scholarship at UC and because of the extortionate cost of renting on the Coasts and how cheap it is to buy a really nice house here (in a lovely part of the country).

I dislike dating because I find it time-intensive and generally obnoxious - of course, other people may enjoy it - and more than that, between work, school, study and hobbies, my life is very busy these days. Having to sit around the house now and then to sign for packages is a killer for me. So I decided I wanted a live-in girlfriend, one from Jamaica or the Dominican Republic or maybe sub-Saharan Africa. American women, of whatever race, just don't do it for me - the culture just doesn't jive.

Where NetHack comes in is... During my nine months' off between finishing college and gradschool, I was incidentally introduced to the game of NetHack. In 2012. I missed the boat, I know. Regardless, I found the fun, open-ended, challenging, brain-dependent game very, very compelling. I don't care for modern games.

I have a number of hobbies and things I want to do, including planting a garden, becoming an author, doing some home improvement, etc. Perhaps the biggest part of why I want a live-in is... For the longest time, I've felt I would be more motivated, more focused, if I had a regular sex partner, without the time and energy burden of dating, and available at hand whenever I would have need.

Now, those who have played NetHack know of the foocubus, how it is useful for randomly increasing a high-intelligence character's attributes through fornication. I started to identify with that role, imagine myself as an archaeologist (given my strong background in Classical Studies) being stripped naked and fornicating with a foocubus in the dank corridors of the Dungeons of Doom. I have to confess, I'm giggling to myself right now just because it's so, so strange.

It's not even that I particularly want to act out this fantasy - it's not even really a fantasy. It's a mental image I can't push out of my head. I felt compelled to write it down - to seek insight on my predicament.

# ? Feb 17, 2014 22:39

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# ? May 5, 2024 05:16

BigHead: Jul 25, 2003; Huh?; Nap Ghost

Aestu posted:

I have a number of hobbies and things I want to do, including planting a garden

What are your favorite things to grow in your garden? I have a few lemon trees but they keep dying. And I also grow basil.

# ? Feb 17, 2014 22:49

Aestu: Feb 17, 2014; by zen death robot

BigHead posted:

What are your favorite things to grow in your garden? I have a few lemon trees but they keep dying. And I also grow basil.

When I last gardened, it was in my native Sacramento, and the house I bought is in Cincinnati, so the question is kind of moot. There my family had a whole collection of citrus trees, cherry trees, figs, guava, etc.

Lemons require a LOT of heat, so perhaps that's your problem. They also need lots of iron - Ironite is good.

I was thinking fruit trees - apples and plums maybe, crops that are perennial and cold-hardy. Spices are fun but you don't really need a garden for that, it would be better to grow them inside under a heat lamp or something. I'm not much into annual crops. Bok-choy maybe.

I was also thinking to get a goat, because they are hardy and inexpensive. My house is on half an acre and I plan on buying up some more lots within the next decade, so I'll have space to play with.

# ? Feb 17, 2014 22:55

Hydrolith: Oct 30, 2009

You're more likely to get help over in e/n.

Also: you're spectacularly weird.

# ? Feb 17, 2014 23:42

confused: Oct 3, 2003; It's just business.

Hydrolith posted:

You're more likely to get help over in e/n.

Also: you're spectacularly weird.

I'm not even sure what the OP wants. It sounds like "Hey, guys! I'm having sex! Now I want to enact by video game fetish! What do you think?" In other words, perfect for E/N.

# ? Feb 17, 2014 23:46

Eugene V. Dubstep: Oct 4, 2013; Can't post for 8 years!

Love is but a false
construct; rather, give me a
pneumatic negress.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 00:08

Aestu: Feb 17, 2014; by zen death robot

at the date posted:

Love is but a false
construct; rather, give me a
pneumatic negress.

I'll take the latter while I wait on the former.

It's not so much a desire to enact the fetish as being plagued by an unshakable mental image because of the unlikely parallel.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 01:36

Wrestlepig: Feb 25, 2011; my mum says im cool; Toilet Rascal

Aestu posted:

I purchased an account here on SA because it seemed the appropriate place to discuss my rather strange NetHack-related life issue. I want to establish that the facts are as I state them here - this is a life issue I'm dealing with.

I made it through college without ever getting laid. I'm fairly attractive, and girls came onto me on more than a few occasions, but I was young and confused and insecure, so I never took them up on it, despite wanting sex. I did my undergraduate degree in Classical Studies and my graduate degree in Accounting - this is characteristic of my personality. I had a year off before grad school started, so I got on SeekingArrangement and had a series of encounters with a very attractive, very pneumatic Jamaican girl in nursing school. She was really incredible by any measure - not merely as my first.

The experience was beneficial in that it helped me overcome my insecurity and become more of a man. Of course, I enjoyed it greatly. Over the next few months, I had a series of encounters with a diverse cast of other women (with protection), which served to reinforce my preference.

I did my undergraduate studies in Boston then moved to Cincinnati both because I had a scholarship at UC and because of the extortionate cost of renting on the Coasts and how cheap it is to buy a really nice house here (in a lovely part of the country).

I dislike dating because I find it time-intensive and generally obnoxious - of course, other people may enjoy it - and more than that, between work, school, study and hobbies, my life is very busy these days. Having to sit around the house now and then to sign for packages is a killer for me. So I decided I wanted a live-in girlfriend, one from Jamaica or the Dominican Republic or maybe sub-Saharan Africa. American women, of whatever race, just don't do it for me - the culture just doesn't jive.

Where NetHack comes in is... During my nine months' off between finishing college and gradschool, I was incidentally introduced to the game of NetHack. In 2012. I missed the boat, I know. Regardless, I found the fun, open-ended, challenging, brain-dependent game very, very compelling. I don't care for modern games.

I have a number of hobbies and things I want to do, including planting a garden, becoming an author, doing some home improvement, etc. Perhaps the biggest part of why I want a live-in is... For the longest time, I've felt I would be more motivated, more focused, if I had a regular sex partner, without the time and energy burden of dating, and available at hand whenever I would have need.

Now, those who have played NetHack know of the foocubus, how it is useful for randomly increasing a high-intelligence character's attributes through fornication. I started to identify with that role, imagine myself as an archaeologist (given my strong background in Classical Studies) being stripped naked and fornicating with a foocubus in the dank corridors of the Dungeons of Doom. I have to confess, I'm giggling to myself right now just because it's so, so strange.

It's not even that I particularly want to act out this fantasy - it's not even really a fantasy. It's a mental image I can't push out of my head. I felt compelled to write it down - to seek insight on my predicament.

First off you should try Dungeon Crawl, it's a much better game. I think you'd enjoy rolling with Fedhas given the gardening background.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 01:42

Reginald Bathwater: Dec 19, 2009; MINE EYES CAN BUT WEEP AS THEY BEAR WITNESS TO THE MAJESTY... THE BFG 9000!

chaos rhames posted:

First off you should try Dungeon Crawl, it's a much better game. I think you'd enjoy rolling with Fedhas given the gardening background.

Unless you enjoy trawling through a a wiki everytime you see anything.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 01:54

Prancing Shoes: Jul 8, 2008

Reginald Bathwater posted:

Unless you enjoy trawling through a a wiki everytime you see anything.

Nethack is far, far worse about this than Crawl.

OP you should try eating some corpses (perhaps you have some in your basement?) to gain intrinsics.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 02:17

SYSV Fanfic: Sep 9, 2003; by Pragmatica

I find going on dates is a good way to get laid. Good luck OP.

Have you ascended yet?

# ? Feb 18, 2014 03:26

Grandmaster.flv: Jun 24, 2011

Reading your post has helped me with my insecurity.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 03:48

Stairmaster: Jun 8, 2012

who cares

# ? Feb 18, 2014 06:39

Mimesweeper: Mar 11, 2009; Smellrose

origami posted:

Reading your post has helped me with my insecurity.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 08:07

Jose Mengelez: Sep 11, 2001; by Azathoth

http://www.autism.org.uk/helpline

# ? Feb 18, 2014 09:08

stimulated emission: Apr 25, 2011; D-D-D-D-D-D-DEEPER

would you genocide american women if given a scroll of genocide or a throne to #sit upon

are dominican/african women all foocubi, or just the pneumatic ones

i yearn to understand

# ? Feb 18, 2014 10:48

spatula massacre: Aug 2, 2012; I don't want to be your little research monkey boy, the creature that I am is only going to destroy.

what does a foocubus look like? I googled it and it's lines on a black screen.

i'm.... pretty confused to say the least.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 11:08

Olaf The Stout: Oct 16, 2009; FORUMS NO.1 SLEEPY DAWGS MEMESTER

Aestu posted:

...I had a year off before grad school started, so I got on SeekingArrangement and had a series of encounters with a very attractive, very pneumatic Jamaican girl in nursing school...

Pneumatic? The only other place I've seen pneumatic used like this is in Huxley, and he had some really strange sex ideas also. So don't do that.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 13:10

confused: Oct 3, 2003; It's just business.

spatula massacre posted:

what does a foocubus look like? I googled it and it's lines on a black screen.

i'm.... pretty confused to say the least.

Clearly, I'm the one who is confused.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 18:58

wr0x2: Sep 9, 2007

You would be a great troll OP but I think you're being serious.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 19:21

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

I'm not sure what the question is

# ? Feb 18, 2014 19:46

Hexyflexy: Sep 2, 2011; asymptotically approaching one

Aestu posted:

I was also thinking to get a goat.

Problem solved.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 19:55

axolotl farmer: May 17, 2007; Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme

Zap yourself with a wand of enlightenment.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 21:12

Reginald Bathwater: Dec 19, 2009; MINE EYES CAN BUT WEEP AS THEY BEAR WITNESS TO THE MAJESTY... THE BFG 9000!

Stand on a permanent Elbereth and kick your sink. Easy.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 22:19

xov: Nov 14, 2005; DNA Ts. Rednum or F. Raf

Bleeding Hollow Aestu?

:aaa:

Edit: If so, yeah, he is that weird. I don't doubt any of the content in the OP.

xov fucked around with this message at 23:57 on Feb 18, 2014

# ? Feb 18, 2014 23:53

Panty Saluter: Jan 17, 2004; Making learning fun!

What a coincidence, my first girlfriend was pneumatic too

# ? Feb 19, 2014 02:10

Above Our Own: Jun 24, 2009; by Shine

lock yourself in room butt naked and reverse genocide nurses

# ? Feb 19, 2014 02:30

Oil of Paris: Feb 13, 2004; 100% DIRTY; Nap Ghost

Hahahaha you're such a weird little fucker

# ? Feb 19, 2014 04:58

Obdicut: May 15, 2012; "What election?"

You're an idiot for trying to max with the foocubus. It's an incredibly inefficient way of maxing and, frankly, makes you look noobish. Why you're not horking potions or leveling up the spankity skill tree I have no idea. I know you only discovered the game two years ago, but come on, this is like babytown frolics here.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 05:01

OniKun: Jul 23, 2003; Cheap Mexican Labor since the late 80's

Ohhhh, you're from Sacramento.

That explains nearly everything.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 05:21

Zombies magazine: Oct 17, 2005; Firmly grasp the

We have a subforum named after you.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 05:21

Incoherence: May 22, 2004; POYO AND TEAR

West Ham Sandwich posted:

We have a subforum named after you.

He sounds pretty "emotionally invested" in NetHack, though.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 05:27

Pope Guilty: Nov 6, 2006; The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

"Casuals" don't get emotionally invested in sex; they do it for fun.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 05:27

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

Two Worlds of Warcraft

# ? Feb 19, 2014 05:59

Defiance Industries: Jul 22, 2010; A five-star manufacturer

Aestu posted:

I made it through college without ever getting laid. I'm fairly attractive, and girls came onto me on more than a few occasions, but I was young and confused and insecure, so I never took them up on it, despite wanting sex.

They were just being nice to you. That doesn't mean they are coming on to you and that certainly doesn't mean they're turned on by you telling them about how you had a phoenix mount before those casuals who play games

/spit

FOR FUN could get one by doing things other than grinding old content you outgeared.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 06:38

brae: Feb 2, 2006

spatula massacre posted:

what does a foocubus look like?

# ? Feb 19, 2014 06:39

goferchan: Feb 8, 2004; It's 2006. I am taking 276 yeti furs from the goodies hoard.

Please Goldmine before anybody else posts on it

# ? Feb 19, 2014 07:57

Paper Lion: Dec 14, 2009

What makes a black lady pneumatic I really wanna know

# ? Feb 19, 2014 08:13

Ah Pook: Aug 23, 2003

*takes a swig from my mug of Awesome, wipes some off of my Epic Moustache with my big Manly Hands, then puts the mug down on my Badass Beer Table* Son, that's some of the realest poo poo I've ever read.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 08:39

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# ? May 5, 2024 05:16

Wrestlepig: Feb 25, 2011; my mum says im cool; Toilet Rascal

Paper Lion posted:

What makes a black lady pneumatic I really wanna know

Powerful twerking muscles.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 12:09

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