name something that brings you joy and i will post 3 reasons it is terrible

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > name something that brings you joy and i will post 3 reasons it is terrible

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Postal Parcel: Aug 2, 2013

The poster above me^

# ? Mar 2, 2014 01:48

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# ? May 2, 2024 18:49

man thats gross: Sep 4, 2004

MoonwalkInvincible posted:

Hello, op.

I enjoy humor. I also enjoy kindness towards others.

1. most stand-up comedians
2. no good deed goes unpunished
3. when you need help the world will just spit in your ugly face

Null Byte posted:

this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UFqIg-Sgfg

1. made you me and everyone whos seen it slightly stupider
2. vaguely anti-semitic
3. low-effort meta bullshit

Shithouse Dave posted:

Volunteering at the soup kitchen and/or playing cards with the old folks at the old folks home

1. homeless people smell like piss and are useless
2. old people smell like piss and are depressing
3. homeless people and old people will die soon

1. they walk sooooo slooooow
2. they crossed the road, so now what? are you just going to help them do everything else forever? are they going to need help at every intersection forever? if you cant cross the street by yourself and never will maybe you should just stop it.
3. a depressing reminder of your own inevitable decline, your future inability to do even the most basic things by yourself, and your death

Qvark posted:

The proletariat seizing the means of production.

1. takes money out of the hands of hard-working capitalists
2. usually leads to a power vacuum, and charismatic leaders within the ranks of the revolution creating a state much worse than even the atrocities that preceded it
3. china

ThePriceJustWentUp posted:

masturbation

1. completely debasing. sitting around watching videos of retarded assholes loving each other and pounding your little dicks like a god drat monkey. its pathetic.
2. its a sin
3. cum rags

usb teledildonics posted:

Charles Whitman

im not doing this one hes a mass killer its too easy

Mehuyael posted:

Civil rights.

1. makes life harder for white cis males
2. who the hell cares if youre allowed to sit at the same bench as everyone else or cant be explicitly discriminated against in job interviews or whatever when your neighbourhoods are still riddled with crime and no one gives a gently caress if you live or die?
3. 16 million children in america live in poverty and we're arguing about whether gay people should be allowed to wear a ring on one particularly contentions finger. what a loving crock of poo poo.

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

Not Genocide.

1. overpopulation
2. nothing to keep the riff raff in check
3. everyones going to die anyway, genocide is inevitable

Flagrant Abuse posted:

Saying the name "Pol Pot." Not the person, just saying his name.

1. say it three times in the mirror and he'll appear in the room and chop your dick off
2. a lot of people will respond with "who?" which is so loving depressing
3. why are you just saying people's names? get a loving life

Sabel posted:

Patrick Nagel art
RetroWave
Study, simulation, analysis, etc of dynamical systems

you get one each because what the gently caress

1. 80s as gently caress
2. oh wow a new genre of music based on parroting an old genre of music sign me the gently caress up
3. the wiki article on dynamical systems doesnt seem to have a "how this has ever helped anyone, ever" section

Rhinoceraptor posted:

The video game "Kirby's Epic Yarn" by Nintendo.

1. great another game based on the same IP nintendo has been hocking for like 40 loving years
2. just a momentary distraction from the pain of existence
3. i am not a kitten, i dont want to play with yarn

Cooler than what posted:

hmm just wondering but has anyone said "You're posting "yet OP?

1. yes
2. its terrible
3. im terrible

Null Byte posted:

this gif

1. stupid
2. i dont care
3. anime

AATREK CURES KIDS posted:

Genocide

1. lots of dead ppl
2. huge waste of time, theyre gonna die anyway
3. survivor syndrome

# ? Mar 2, 2014 02:01

Swamp Fancy: Apr 6, 2003; Look, I'm not exaggerating when I say the success of your mission hinges on how you use that cardboard box.

Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 02:03

Al Cowens: Aug 11, 2004; by WE B Bourgeois

man thats gross posted:

1. most stand-up comedians
2. no good deed goes unpunished
3. when you need help the world will just spit in your ugly face

1. made you me and everyone whos seen it slightly stupider
2. vaguely anti-semitic
3. low-effort meta bullshit

1. homeless people smell like piss and are useless
2. old people smell like piss and are depressing
3. homeless people and old people will die soon

1. they walk sooooo slooooow
2. they crossed the road, so now what? are you just going to help them do everything else forever? are they going to need help at every intersection forever? if you cant cross the street by yourself and never will maybe you should just stop it.
3. a depressing reminder of your own inevitable decline, your future inability to do even the most basic things by yourself, and your death

1. takes money out of the hands of hard-working capitalists
2. usually leads to a power vacuum, and charismatic leaders within the ranks of the revolution creating a state much worse than even the atrocities that preceded it
3. china

1. completely debasing. sitting around watching videos of retarded assholes loving each other and pounding your little dicks like a god drat monkey. its pathetic.
2. its a sin
3. cum rags

im not doing this one hes a mass killer its too easy

1. makes life harder for white cis males
2. who the hell cares if youre allowed to sit at the same bench as everyone else or cant be explicitly discriminated against in job interviews or whatever when your neighbourhoods are still riddled with crime and no one gives a gently caress if you live or die?
3. 16 million children in america live in poverty and we're arguing about whether gay people should be allowed to wear a ring on one particularly contentions finger. what a loving crock of poo poo.

1. overpopulation
2. nothing to keep the riff raff in check
3. everyones going to die anyway, genocide is inevitable

1. say it three times in the mirror and he'll appear in the room and chop your dick off
2. a lot of people will respond with "who?" which is so loving depressing
3. why are you just saying people's names? get a loving life

you get one each because what the gently caress

1. 80s as gently caress
2. oh wow a new genre of music based on parroting an old genre of music sign me the gently caress up
3. the wiki article on dynamical systems doesnt seem to have a "how this has ever helped anyone, ever" section

1. great another game based on the same IP nintendo has been hocking for like 40 loving years
2. just a momentary distraction from the pain of existence
3. i am not a kitten, i dont want to play with yarn

1. yes
2. its terrible
3. im terrible

1. stupid
2. i dont care
3. anime

1. lots of dead ppl
2. huge waste of time, theyre gonna die anyway
3. survivor syndrome

I like you

# ? Mar 2, 2014 02:13

Val: Jul 11, 2003

man thats gross posted:

you skipped me you fucker

# ? Mar 2, 2014 02:22

Beef Turret: Jul 9, 2009; by Lowtax

good answer

# ? Mar 2, 2014 02:33

Hustle Hound: Oct 21, 2012; all is known

man thats gross posted:

1. stupid
2. i dont care
3. anime

as the great Jay-Z once said, "eat the cake / anime"

# ? Mar 2, 2014 02:39

Smarmy Coworker: May 10, 2008; by XyloJW

jerkin it

# ? Mar 2, 2014 03:24

The Protagonist: Jun 29, 2009; The average is 5.5? I thought it was 4. This is very unsettling.

Smarmy Coworker posted:

jerkin it

he did that one already keep up...

I guess mine is schadenfreude

# ? Mar 2, 2014 03:28

a dog from hell: Oct 18, 2009; by zen death robot

I smoked marijuana cigarettes and now I am a sociopath.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 03:30

Smarmy Coworker: May 10, 2008; by XyloJW

as if im going to read 3 loving pages wow

# ? Mar 2, 2014 03:30

Mike The Octopus: Aug 1, 2009

cumming

# ? Mar 2, 2014 03:41

Fill Baptismal: Dec 15, 2008

Happiness.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 04:44

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: Apr 27, 2010; I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Vaginas

# ? Mar 2, 2014 04:46

Smarmy Coworker: May 10, 2008; by XyloJW

being drunk?
it kind of nicreases the effects of my antidepressents + diziness but thats alright

# ? Mar 2, 2014 04:48

man thats gross: Sep 4, 2004

Doctor Dogballs posted:

The Insane Clowns' Posse

1. jugallos
2. the insane clown posse
3. 1 and 2 again and also clown makeup

Bloody Penguin posted:

You're pretty well covered in my cum

1. smells like bleach
2. tastes like chicken mr. noodles
3. too much on my chest, not enough in my mouth

Rhinoceraptor posted:

Sabel's avatar

1. anime x3

Val posted:

nothing

1. boring as gently caress
2. literally the worst IE "its better than nothing"
3. the reality of actual, true nothingness is absolutely crippling in its immensity

any colour you like posted:

Sex

1. same as masturbation in that like, seriously we've been around how long and we're still doing this poo poo? UNH I LOVE UR TITS THERE SO HOT. MMMM UR DICK IS SO BIG GIVE ME UR CUM. barbaric. turns us into loving retards.
2. sometimes results in babies aka future adults aka assholes
3. everyone is dancing on like a razors edge re sex. prude vs. slut, clean vs. disease ridden, healthy vs. pervert. we're all just one drunken romp away from loving someone that screws us over for the rest of our short little lives.

my new dog posted:

playing my saxophone

1. you're probably worse than you think.
2. saxophones just ruin songs. no song has ever been improved by a saxophone.
3. you probably make a face like SURPRISE DICK IN MY rear end every time you play it.

circ dick soleil posted:

hitler

1. tried to kill all the jews
2. killed a lot of jews
3. failed to kill all the jews. don't get me wrong im glad he failed, but its still a failure.

Sigmund Fraud posted:

Rock climbing!

1. free solo morons that die because theyre morons
2. stupid exclusive lingo like "beta" that make you sound like a douche
3. too much crossover with pot smokers. seriously why do so many people who like climbing to deadly heights also love getting stoned while climbing to their death?

Alan Smithee posted:

man thats gross

1. dumb
2. rear end in a top hat
3. narcissistic

Arivia posted:

interpellation

1. had to google it. stop posting poo poo to try to stump me unless it genuinely brings you joy.
2. gently caress you.
3. blow it out your rear end.

Postal Parcel posted:

The poster above me^

1. stupid "deal with it" avatar.
2. is a goon.
3. will die.

Val posted:

you skipped me you fucker

1. no i didnt
2. chill the gently caress out
3. wait your loving turn

Smarmy Coworker posted:

jerkin it

did it already but

1. only makes you feel lonelier when its over
2. when you come you're done and the porn is still running and you watch it and you hate yourself
3. seriously 3.5Ga of life and the end result is you pulling your pecker to anime tentacle sibling rape. its loving lamentable.

The Protagonist posted:

he did that one already keep up...

I guess mine is schadenfreude

1. makes you a terrible person by default.
2. usually stems from self-loathing, watching others fail the same way you have a million times before. so transparent.
3. no english word for it yet. i dont like loving kraut-speak.

Splurgerwitzl posted:

I smoked marijuana cigarettes and now I am a sociopath.

1. told you so
2. you're being sarcastic but youre not doing it well, just like most people dont do anything well.
3. you didnt offer me any you dick

Smarmy Coworker posted:

as if im going to read 3 loving pages wow

1. youre on the path to illiteracy
2. nobody cares that you didnt read something. come back when youve actually accomplished something with your miserable life.
3. some day you will die and your last words will be tl;dr or something and forever and ever you will be not remembered as the man that no one loving cares

Mike The Octopus posted:

cumming

1. messy
2. ruins socks
3. ruins lives

themrguy posted:

Happiness.

1. fleeting
2. only makes the pain and suffering you will inevitably face hurt that much more
3. fools paradise. wars are waged, children starve to death, the innocent are slaughtered, and you have the god drat audacity to claim you're happy.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Vaginas

1. female genital mutilation
2. rape
3. fisting

Smarmy Coworker posted:

being drunk?
it kind of nicreases the effects of my antidepressents + diziness but thats alright

1. drunk driving
2. alcohol poisoning
3. a constant source of anger and violence all around the world

# ? Mar 2, 2014 04:59

f_c_: Oct 27, 2007

sleep, unconsciousness.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:10

Mystic Stylez: Dec 19, 2009

Lil B

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:15

man thats gross: Sep 4, 2004

f_c_ posted:

sleep, unconsciousness.

1. one third of your life just gone, wasted
2. bad dreams scare the poo poo out of you, good dreams make reality that much more painful, normal dreams remind you that even in a world of infinite possibilities you're still boring and mediocre
3. choking on your own vomit and dying

VisAbsoluta posted:

Lil B

1. has a grill
2. is a rapper
3. isnt gay

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:26

a dog from hell: Oct 18, 2009; by zen death robot

Actually I have symptoms of psychosis from excessive marijuana smoking and I ask that you don't kid around with me.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:28

man thats gross: Sep 4, 2004

Splurgerwitzl posted:

Actually I have symptoms of psychosis from excessive marijuana smoking and I ask that you don't kid around with me.

1. sorry
2. not really sorry
3. plz dont kill me

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:29

The Brown Menace: Dec 24, 2010; Now comes in all colors.

crushing my enemies utterly

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:30

man thats gross: Sep 4, 2004

The Brown Menace posted:

crushing my enemies utterly

1. violence begets violence, you have likely created 10 new foes with each you vanquish
2. does nothing to stop the hidden threats within your realm. the knife that ends your life will likely be in a hand youve taken in friendship a thousand times
3. even the mightiest of emperors are powerless in the face of death, and are doomed to be lost and forgotten in the annals of history. your victories mean less than nothing

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:36

Beef Turret: Jul 9, 2009; by Lowtax

international jewry

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:39

Arnold of Soissons: Mar 4, 2011; by XyloJW

did you already do sex & drugs?

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:41

Al Cowens: Aug 11, 2004; by WE B Bourgeois

chili /w beans

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:42

The Brown Menace: Dec 24, 2010; Now comes in all colors.

man thats gross posted:

1. violence begets violence, you have likely created 10 new foes with each you vanquish
2. does nothing to stop the hidden threats within your realm. the knife that ends your life will likely be in a hand youve taken in friendship a thousand times
3. even the mightiest of emperors are powerless in the face of death, and are doomed to be lost and forgotten in the annals of history. your victories mean less than nothing

1. good, more enemies = more crushing
2. just only have enemies instead of friends then, see 1.
3. don't care about gay poo poo like the lasting glory of victory or whatever, all i wanna do is crush

# ? Mar 2, 2014 17:42